Episode Report Card Sara M: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Matt Is Still Stupid
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 10 | Aired on 11.23.2003
He gives the stethoscope back to Debi, who's treating a boy with a cut on his leg. She comments that he's out of work early. Matt says he just worked eleven hours. Debi says that nurses work twelve. Yeah, but they only work three days a week, so it's not so bad, is it? Plus, as Matt points out, nurses also get paid. "Not enough," says Debi. Compared to doctors, no. Compared to everyone else, shut up, Nurse Debi. Matt decides to bore us all to tears with a story about when he was the same age as the boy Debi's treating and he got hurt during a race with Mary where he slipped and smacked his head. He went to his doctor's office, who gave him stitches, but forgot to give him anesthetic. Matt never complained, so the doctor said that Matt was the bravest patient he ever had and he should be a doctor when he grew up. This did not, however, inspire Matt to be a doctor, so I don't know what the point of that was. Debi tells Matt not to take Assbeard too seriously, because he's "a jerk," and she knows him "a little too well." Eww. Debi says that Marie was asking for Matt. Matt says he's "off the clock." Suddenly, alarms go off. Debi rushes off, and Matt follows her.
It's Marie, of course. Even though her heart has stopped, Assbeard still has time to make a snippy comment to Matt about how he's following up on his patient. Matt asks Bitchface what happened; she says that the diabetes and stress have created a "cardiac event." That sounds kind of cool. They try to shock her and give her shots, but it doesn't work. Bitchface uses her psychic link with the lab to determine that Marie's electrolyte lab results are "in range." Assbeard says something about how great it is that she died with normal lab results. Maybe he should have ordered creatinine kinase enzyme and troponin tests, which would have shown that Marie was having heart trouble. Assbeard tries to call the time of death; Matt demands that he shock her again. Debi and Bitchface look sad. Assbeard looks annoyed.
Later (I think, although there was no clock-wipe, and I've come to rely on that to tell me whether or not time has passed), Matt runs up to Assbeard and says that Marie shouldn't have died. She told them she was diabetic, but they ignored her. Except not really, since they gave her that glucose IV and some dinner, which she decided not to eat. Assbeard casually says that he wasn't the one who ignored Marie -- Matt was. He never asked a nurse to feed her, so this is his fault. Matt says, angrily, that Assbeard told him not to care. Assbeard can't believe that Matt has "the gall" to blame him for his own mistakes, then calls Matt an "arrogant little know-nothing" who doesn't have the guts to look in a mirror and say that this is his fault. Matt says he may not be the only person who needs to look in a mirror. Assbeard pauses, then yells, "You sanctimonious -- I don't have to! I am the director of this department -- your boss -- and we do things my way!" Bitchface and Receptionist (what, is she working a double shift or something? Go home!) look away. Assbeard tells Matt that the only reason why he's still there is because he's kind of good at drawing blood. Other than that, he's a "walking disaster." Ouch. Matt looks like he's going cry again, but this time I don't really feel bad for him, because he should have kept his mouth shut. From across the room, Nurse Debi shakes her head. Shut up, Nurse Debi. Assbeard says that he's going to make Matt a doctor "in spite of [him]self." Matt chases after Assbeard and says he's wrong. Assbeard tells Matt to leave while he still has a job. Matt says that Assbeard is wrong about his natural mad blood-drawing skillz -- he's a lab tech, and that's how he knew how to draw blood. He's "just the same as the rest of 'em." Yeah, except that they all managed to get their work done and not kill their patients. Assbeard ignores him, so Matt leaves. Some guy walks up and hands him his long (but not long enough for me)-lost cell phone. Oh, good. I was really hoping that subplot would come back one last time.
Matt enters his apartment, where PC is snoozing on the couch. Matt's not alone, though -- he's got a cute little doggy. PC wakes up and asks about the dog. Matt says he was Marie's. Oh my god, Matt totally just stole a dead old lady's pet! That's not good family values…is it? I can't even tell anymore. PC says the apartment is tiny. Not really, but whatever, Spoiled Sally. Matt says the dog is theirs now, pretty much regardless of what PC thinks. PC asks Matt where he's been. Matt says he can't talk about it. Then he notices that his black bag is back. PC says she got it from the Transit Authority lost and found. "All the way downtown?" Matt says. Yes, PC loves Matt enough to go all the way downtown, but not enough to admit to anyone that he's her husband. Funny logic. PC says the guy who turned it in said he "didn't want to mess with someone's destiny." She asks Matt if he's okay. Matt says he doesn't know if he chose the right profession. The dog barks knowingly. Matt continues that he decided to be a gynecologist because he "saw a couple babies being born" when he was a teenager. PC says he's lucky; some people never know what they want to do. Like Marie's friend, for instance. What a waste of flesh she was! Matt doesn't think he was meant to be a doctor. PC tells him not to mess with his destiny. The same shot of the dog barking plays again. And again. God, this show is terrible. PC says that she'll take the dog out for a walk so they can bond. Matt says he needs a little time to himself. PC and the dog leave, but not before PC says that they'll have to talk about "this" eventually. Wow, that scene was kind of well-written, and Barry Watson did a pretty good job with it.