Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Through the roof!
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.05.2003
Kiefer keeps his gun trained on her and asks her what she knows about Hewitt. Lady Mac answers that he's a freelance audio technician who created the Cyprus recordings for EvilChrisElliott, a representative for Caspian Sea Oil who wants the U.S. to go to war with the Middle East to drive up the price of oil. "I've walked the corridors of power my entire life and you'd be surprised how much information you can get if you have something to trade," says Lady Mac. Kiefer's attention is diverted by light coming through the bullet holes he made in the dry wall. He tells Lady Mac to take a seat and starts firing at the wall. "Come out!" he yells. "Get on the ground!" A panel slides open, and out comes Alex Hewitt with his hands up. Alex sports a Jew 'fro and wears a hooded sweatshirt, i.e. the uniform of every web designer in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Are those high tops? Yes, I believe he's wearing high tops. "You said on the phone you'd help me," says Alex to Lady Mac. "Why does he have a gun?" Alex does the crab walk over to the sofa where Lady Mac sits. Lady Mac warns him to be quiet in the presence of a federal agent. Kiefer tells Lady Mac to shut up, and they start screaming at each other again. Kiefer separates them. Lady Mac reminds Alex not to say anything. "You're going to talk to me now," says Kiefer, slamming Hewitt up against the wall. The time is 05:10:18 AM.
Okay, can we just reflect for a moment on this ad for K-Y Warming Liquid? If I'm not mistaken, this is the first television ad for a "personal lubricant" ever. And to boot, it's not just "lubricating," it's "warming." It's like those "love potions" you get at Spencer Gifts that get warm when you blow on them…being advertised on primetime television. I don't know whether to applaud my local Fox affiliate for being so sex-positive and "with it," or to get into my bed and stay there for a month and a half. Hey, by the way, have you ever checked out the "user comments" on Drugstore.com for "personal lubricants"? It's so funny. Nine of the comments will be from new mothers who need KY to insert rectal thermometers, and then there's a tenth guy -- usually "Ted from San Francisco" or "Kevin from Provincetown Massachusetts" who is all, "Yeah, it's great, it doesn't feel sticky…you know…afterwards."
The time is 05:14:46 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Palmer paces his holding cell; Bi-Carrie-ous walks across the floor of CTU; Kiefer holds Hewitt at gunpoint, and Lady Mac watches. At Hewitt's loft, Kiefer holds Hewitt's Jew 'fro against the wall and forces him to engage in an expository dialogue in which Hewitt explains how he took voice samples of the three Middle Eastern leaders and spliced them into a tape of Syed Ali's voice to create the Cyprus recordings. "You're a traitor to your country," says Kiefer. "Do you know what they're going to do to you?" Hewitt wants to hide behind Lady Mac and have her speak for him, but Kiefer assures him that Lady Mac's not going to help him. Instead, Kiefer promises to help him as best as he can if Hewitt testifies about creating the Cyprus audio. "Those people you were working for? They thought you were going to die in the B-O-M-B blast," says Kiefer. "So if you want to stay alive you've got to start telling me everything I need to know." Hewitt tells Kiefer that he'll only talk to Lady Mac. Kiefer asks him why only Lady Mac. Apparently, Lady Mac called him that day to offer him her "help." Hewitt argues that she's "got connections." Kiefer stifles a laugh and assures Hewitt that Lady Mac can't help him. Hewitt still can't speak to anyone else, so Kiefer asks for his keys. Kiefer locks Hewitt inside a closet, walks over to Lady Mac, and demands to know the truth about what she's doing at the loft. Lady Mac replies that she's there to protect herself. Hewitt might have incriminating tapes of Lady Mac talking to EvilChrisElliott. She was in cahoots with EvilChrisElliott, but he assured her that the B-O-M-B would never go off. Kiefer is disgusted by this admission, and starts to call CTU on his cell phone to report a federal crime. Before he can get through, Lady Mac convinces him to hang up, since she's the only one who can get Hewitt to cooperate and he needs her. But she'll only cooperate if granted full immunity. Kiefer hangs up and tells her to start talking. Lady Mac explains that she sought revenge on Palmer for divorcing her, so she tried to bring down his presidency. She got together with EvilChrisElliott, who wanted to go to war with the Middle East to increase the value of his oil. Again, Lady Mac requests full immunity for her cooperation. "Otherwise, it's just your word against mine," says Lady Mac. Kiefer unlocks Hewitt, who runs straight for the comfort of Lady Mac's lap.
Division. "Do you think I'm unfit to perform my duties as President?" Palmer asks Agent Pierce. Pierce replies that he's under orders not to discuss the case with him. Palmer asks if Pierce can just listen. Pierce is okay with that. "I've been removed from office because I believe in Bauer," says Palmer, explaining Kiefer's role in finding the B-O-M-B and his belief that the Cyprus recordings are fake. He explains that Kiefer might find evidence to prove that we're about to go to war with three innocent countries. He enlists Pierce's help in getting in touch with Kiefer. "If I remember correctly, you have a son in the Navy," says Palmer, laying it on a bit thick. "Let's make sure the cause he's fighting for is a just one."