Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fist Fight
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 24 | Aired on 05.13.2003
Flashback to my future hometown in the future. V.O. Quantum admits to being cocky enough to think he would get the first flight. Quantum visits Admiral (then only a Commodore, so only half as evil) Forrest, and Forrest tells him that they gave the first flight to this A.G. fellow. Quantum takes the news stiffly, yet still tries to worm in how talented he is. Forrest tells him he realizes how important this flight would have been to him, as it's his father's engine, but thems the breaks. "The most important thing to me is that we succeed," Quantum pollyannas, and then leaves. Oh, and Quantum's only a Commander at this stage so he's only half as stiff. What am I saying? He's still stiffer than molasses in outer space.
A neon sign of those wings pins they give kids on Northwest Airlines advertises the "602 Club." What's the significance of "602"? And is there going to be a wingman show here where someone sings "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'"? A redheaded bar wench in a fuchsia shirt brings a beer over to Capt. Broody Pants. "Thanks, Ruby," Quantum broods. Ruby -- the chick that both Reed and Trip know biblically -- comments that the last time Quantum imbibed the weight of his furrows was when Caroline moved to New Berlin. Heh -- Quantum had a girlfriend who was so sick of his furrows that she went to live on the moon. "My guess is that Forrest gave out the assignment today," Ruby The Clued-In Bar Wench divines. "Sherlock Holmes has nothin' on you," Quantum tries to slur, but his excessive stiffness gets in the way. Ruby The Clued-In Bar Wench reminds him that they'll need a pilot for the next flight. "You remember what Buzz Aldrin said when he stepped on the moon?" Quantum asks, getting to his feet. Ruby The Not So Clued-In Bar Wench doesn't. "Nobody does because Armstrong went first," Quantum says. "Bullshit! I remember! He said 'It may be a small step for Armstrong but --' wait, no, that's not it. Where's your Bartlett's?" Mathra bustles.
Quantum shoulders his way over to A.G. and his admiring crowd of officers and stiffly congratulates him. "You mean that?" Keith Carradine as A.G. asks from his scrawny throat. "Of course not, I'm waiting for Forrest to realize what a horrible mistake he made," Quantum jokes without smiling at all. He offers to buy A.G. a drink, but A.G. turns the macho tables on him and insists on doing the honors. "Consolation prize," A.G. says, a bit nastily. Quantum takes his beer and offers a stiff toast. Man, do you think if we rubbed some Icy Hot into the man, he'd loosen up a whisker? A.G. downs his highball of something stronger than beer. See, he's drinking whisky or rotgut to show what a firebrand he is, while Quantum's quaffing the drink of sanctimonious Boy Scouts -- beer. Not that I have anything against beer (god forbid), but since Quantum's drinking it in the face of his nemesis' short drink, you know it's got holier-than-thouness fermented into every drop. To prove my point, after A.G. tosses back his drink, Quantum says, "Take it easy, Commander. You're doing a simulator at oh-seven-hundred. First flight's in two weeks." Shut up, Quantum -- I don't think the guy won the first flight over you by not knowing how much alcohol he can handle. To get him back, A.G. pulls Quantum aside and tells him blandly that the reason Quantum didn't get the first flight is because he doesn't take enough risks and because he tries too hard. He even tells Quantum he does too much "by the book," but I don't think it's code for telling Quantum to ignore whatever he says next while he's buried in a dead planet. Quantum's all, what's your point? A.G. says, "Starfleet doesn't just want a great pilot, they want a great captain." He pats Quantum condescendingly on the back and walks back to his crowd of admirers. We can even see him hold up his highball and request another drink.
Present Day. T'Pol doesn't understand why Quantum is mourning the death of such an asshole. "Nothing wrong with a little healthy competition," Quantum dodges. T'Pol decides to agree with A.G. on what makes a good Starfleet captain, but then strokes Quantum's furrows by saying, "Fortunately, you seemed to have developed the necessary skills." "Was that a compliment?" Quantum frowns. No, it's an observation. "An observation," T'Pol corrects him. Okay, I'm ready for summer break now. To T'Pol's query about A.G.'s flight of the navigator, Quantum says that he was lucky to come out of it in one piece.