|
|||
Oh, that's a bad title. It's just a bad, bad title. Let me tell you something about comedy. Sometimes, something is so bad that your head starts making up the jokes for you to tell about it, but then they start piling up on top of each other -- and those jokes start ripping off of the other jokes and by the time your mouth catches up to the whirlwind inside your head, your mouth spits out, "Well, she ain't just spinning plates in Guam!" This is, of course, the funniest thing you've ever said, but it would take days to explain why. Just know that spinning plates in Guam is comedy gold, people.
Last one, kids. Take a deep breath.
Previously on Young Americans: Bella gives her "What I Did On Summer Vacation" speech about meeting her "real father," wanting to bang Scout and getting packages from her mother. Will and Ryder fight over Caroline, and they show that bit where Will pushes Ryder to the ground. Will makes this sound that's like Lisa Simpson failing gym while he pushes. The Steel Drums of Non-Gay Love always make my cat rub his head against my arm. What's up with that? Terri shoots Verve down when he tries to create their Ultimate Love Dorm. Strange that they'd put those last two segments in there, since they have nothing to do with this episode at all.
I take an entire bottle of Baby Shampoo and pour it directly into my eyes because it boldly claims, "No More Tears." I truly believe Johnson and Johnson would never lie to me.
Shot of sunset rowing. Will's voice-over begins: "Every day the mystery of life unfolds." mmmmmmmm-wwhhhh-aaaAAHHHH! AAHH-HHHURWRAHHH. AHH. AH! AH! WAAAH! WEAEAAAAH! Hummrruuuh. Huuunhh. Huhn. Huhn. Huhn. Snirf. Snirf. Huh. Hih. Hih. Hi-HIH-hih. Mm. Mm. Huhhhhh. Damn you, Johnson and Johnson. "And every night we go to sleep not quite sure that we solved it. But today, on this last day of summer session�" Half-naked boy walks through hallway crowded with other boys. "I woke up sure of one thing." Cancellation? "Me." Oh.
Will finds Scout packing up the last of his things in the dorm. He says they're the last of his things, but the room is still full of stuff. Will stands by a Goo Goo Dolls poster (Goo Goo Dolls. Produced by WB Records. Who'd have thunk it?) as Scout asks whether Will would consider coming on vacation with him if he paid for his own ticket. Will says he'd like "nothing better than to spend the rest of the summer with [him] in St. Martin." Oh, I've heard that line before. He says he'd feel like a "total moocher" if he did, though. Will says staying in the dorms by himself will guarantee he "owns the place," and probably Finn will be there all alone with him, too. Who gets to stay in a dorm when the school is closed? Will says he needs to [blow Finn for an A?] work as much as he can. Scout says the offer still stands. Will thanks him. It's very dark in the room. Scout picks up his bag and says that it's his last shift at work. Quick bad edit where Will's hand is both by his side and in the air as he says that they should celebrate tonight. "Okay," Scout says. He pats Will's tummy and turns to leave. As Scout turns back around, he says, "Wait. Think of it this way. My parents aren't going to be there, and I'll be lonely, and I'd like your company." Huh. Scout is such rich, horny, Rawley boy bait. He's going to an island by himself? Isn't he fifteen? I don't understand rich-kid vacations. If he's going by himself, how can he just take Will? You can just take a friend to the Caribbean? Aren't there laws? Will waves bye-bye to Scout. Scout turns back around as Finn looms into the doorway. Scout offers, "Two words: topless beaches." Will coughs because he can't have Finn thinking he's into girls. "Mister Calhoun," Finn drools, and the battle of the button-down blue shirts has begun. Scout's pecs fear the stubble of Finn, so they leave, claiming they'll see him in the fall. Riiight.