Let me just start by apologizing for everything I've ever said about the overdramatic entrances on this show. Because after the overdramatic opening --thousands auditioned, three now survive to fight to the death -- we've got Alex & Sierra, swooping in over the Hollywood Hills in a helicopter. Jeff Gutt (supposedly; that's a pretty dark helmet there) zooming down the winding road from Griffith Park on a zippy crotch-rocket. Carlito Olivero chilling in the back of a limousine down Santa Monica Boulevard. And then they all converge outside the studio and walk in together to the overdramatic strains of "We Will Rock You," like we've been hearing at the beginning of every episode all season. But this time it segues into a group sing of same from the top three on the X-shaped stage. So at least we got some payoff from that ongoing motif. Carlito and Jeff bound around the stage like the rock stars they so want to be, while Alex & Sierra just look embarrassed by the whole thing. Or at least by the helmeted backup dancers with a lit-up "X" on the chest of each one. I think that's what embarrasses me the most too.
Mario and his two tie clips finally turn up and he promises an epic battle. As usual, we've got live feeds to the final three's hometowns. Chicago and Detroit's viewing parties appear to be rather rinky-dink affairs in a gymnasium and a large sports bar respectively, but Daytona Beach has an outdoor amphitheater laid on for the occasion. I guess that's one advantage of being from Florida: the weather affords your hometown show of support more venue options.
Paulina starts off the night by introducing her own Carlito Olivero, not that she says both his names consecutively or anything. There's an intro reel about how badly Carlito wants this, also showing Carlito's last visit to Paulina's house for the last mentoring session. We already knew he was poor, but Paulina now tells us that he was also homeless for months. And Carlito talks about how hard he had to fight after being in the bottom two twice (only twice?), and there's the weepy parents, and weepy Carlito, and can we get on with it, please? Finally Carlito actually reaches the stage and does his trademark Spanglish thing for a performance of "Impossible." Except he's not even on the stage, but on a light platform dangling over it. Eventually it's lowered to earth, as his parents and Paulina both look pretty stressed out while watching. He sounds fine to me; maybe they were just worried he'd fall and break a femur.
Kelly's looking extra-glam tonight as she gushes on about Carlito's heart and how that's half of the X Factor. She doesn't say anything about the other half, though. Demi says he's still in his head and needs to let go, but that it was a passionate performance. Simon says he's learned to respect Carlito, though he again repeats that he isn't the best singer, and says he thinks Carlito will have a great night. Paulina spouts some word salad and asks for support from the folks at home. Looks like the locals packing the grade-school gym back in Chicago are happy to oblige, with a yelling friend and a pizza guy showing off an X-shaped pie made for the occasion. That should feed roughly 2% of the crowd, and it's not a big crowd.
Alex & Sierra are , and their intro reel is all about their humble beginnings, including how Simon thought they were a joke at first and then going on to a long reminiscence with them and Simon about their run on the show. For their first performance of the night ("Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran), they're sticking with their thing, which is Alex strumming his guitar while Sierra starts off the duet all sweet-voiced and Alex eventually joins in. Before they're even done, Demi and then Paulina are both on their feet, and obviously Simon joins them. It really was quite lovely.
Kelly is impressed by how far they've come, and says any label would sign them right now. Demi repeats that she still listens to them on her iPod, and hopes they continue. I'm sure they will, for at least another night. Paulina likes Sierra's tone and how much they love each other, adding, "You have that X Factor, guys." Simon tells them it's an honor working with them, and then we cut to the party going on in Daytona Beach. This is clearly the first time Sierra's seen the crowd, and some local restaurateur shows off an entrée he named after them and Sierra's former Irish dance teacher makes a bunch of kids Riverdance for the camera. So much for the two of them not being embarrassed any time soon.
Jeff Gutt has the advantage of an intro reel that goes all the way back to last year, when he auditioned for the first time and then got the boot at Boot Camp. But of course he's back now, with his adorable son who he's becoming a rock star for. Jeff emotionally thanks Kelly at their final mentoring session, and presents her with a gift in the form of a framed photo of the two of them. Well, you can't blame him; he's not rich yet. He's singing Aerosmith's "Dream On," showing off not only his voice but his tattoo sleeve and a Laser Floyd-caliber light show and a platform that raises him off the stage as well. It's not his best vocal ever, but he's got as much commitment as always and doesn't totally brick the falsetto at the end, so good for him.
And he gets a four-way standing ovation from the judges, the first of the night. Demi says he took it to a whole new level, and the only problem was that she couldn't hear it. Uh, okay. Paulina assures Jeff that the audience could hear him fine, but would like to see a band behind him. A bit late for that now. Simon says this is the first time he was convinced that Jeff believes he can win, unlike a lot of the fake rockers that show up on these shows. Kelly just tells him it was amazing. And in Detroit, the viewing party is being hosted by Dino Cicarelli, who is such a hockey legend that I've actually heard of him. Some middle-aged woman brays that she's his biggest fan, and Jeff is either overcome with emotion at this outpouring of support or with disappointment that his biggest fan isn't hotter.
Someone has apparently decided that it's well past time to address the question, "Who the fuck is Paulina Rubio and what is she doing on this show in the first place?" And apparently the answer is to trot her out on the stage with a bunch of backup dancers, dress her like a low-rent Lady Gaga, and have her perform a song of her own. Not that the display seems to convince Simon, who spends much of the time laughing openly at her. Her English is more fluent when she's singing, which is not to say it makes much more sense. But Simon ends up politely joining the other judges for the standing ovation. Mario humors her afterward, but knows better than to ask her to talk about it. Instead he just has her introduce Carlito, who will be joined by…Prince? Holy shit, how did she get him? Oh, never mind, it's just Prince Royce, who I've never heard of. That's quite a pompadour on that dude, though.
He comes out to kick off a Spanglish version of "Stand By Me" that sounds quite familiar. I didn't realize at the time Carlito did it on the show that it was a cover of a cover. As far as how the two of them match up in their duet, I will have to say that Prince Royce has the better hair. Other than that, it's a lot like seeing two Carlitos mugging up there. Except the new one is even cheesier. Prince Royce gets to drop Ben E, King's name before being dismissed so Carlito can get the judges' comments. Kelly says Carlito needs to see himself up there with Prince Royce, whatever that means, though Demi seems to think he did that. Simon thought it was a perfect collaboration because Prince Royce is what Carlito is trying to be like. Aim a little higher, maybe. I can't even with what Paulina's saying because she's still dressed like an evil raven priestess or some damn thing.
Alex & Sierra's duet partner turns out to be Leona Lewis, who of course won the U.K. version of the show and still owes Simon a solid, forever and ever amen. She leads the duo through an even slower version of her own "Bleeding Love," which is weighed down by awkward three-part harmonies, no blocking whatsoever, and an energy-free arrangement. Pretty much the best part of it is when Sierra gives Leona a convincing hug as she and Alex join her onstage. Afterward, Leona gushes Britishly to Mario about how lovely it's been to work with them, and after Mario plugs her new Christmas album, off she goes, until tomorrow night. Kelly is a fan and says it was a really nice vocal. Demi is more reserved, saying that it wasn't their best, although Leona did a great job. Paulina, back in her civvies, liked it more, and Simon doesn't go out too far on that limb, saying they "respected the artist" (read: she blew them away), and that while Leona changed the show forever, Alex & Sierra can as well. Just not with that song.
Mario has been coming back to us from the family section in the audience all night, which now allows us to enjoy the spectacle of him absently waving his hand over little Talon Gutt's face. All part of the rock & roll lifestyle, kid -- sooner or later you're going to get a snootful of A.C. Slater's meathook. But then Mario totally embarrasses Jeff by outing him as a fan of his duet partner: Johnny Rzezznizczk from the Goo Goo Dolls. Sorry, "John." Anyway, "John" is out there with his soccer-mom hair, strumming his acoustic guitar at Jeff's side for "Iris," though he screws up his entrance by being off by a beat. Great job so far, John. If Jeff were smart, he'd realize he's out there by himself and that this other punk just rolled out of his vodka-soaked sheets for the paycheck, but he still seems pretty starstruck and lets him keep the lead.
Four-way standing ovation from the judges, which at this point I think is just a required courtesy for the guests. And the audience seems to have dug it, but little Talon isn't fooled. Smart kid. John gets to take his David Bowie facelift out of there without being asked to speak, which is probably just as well. But Demi is all jazzed and starstruck, saying Jeff held his own and it was awesome. Paulina calls him a "beautiful musician father," and says "rock & roll never age" and that he has the X Factor, which is Paulina's equivalent of Britney Spears saying she was "entertained" all the time last year. Simon says it was a great collaboration, and thanks the guest performers. Kelly thinks he killed it too. Jeff, that, is.
Cover Girl infomercial, featuring the entire top thirteen. Well, the female half, mostly.
The third round is apparently a "song of the series" theme, meaning a song that was pivotal for them earlier in the show. Paulina's introduction of Carlito finally makes the transition from "ESL speaker" to full-on "stroke victim," and he gets a whole dramatic intro for his reprise of Santana's "Maria Maria," but with even more dramatic lighting (including red runway lights on his jacket) and backup dancers for Simon to waggle his eyebrows at. Kelly gives some praise that sounds full-throated while still being kind of lukewarm, and Demi says that she can see he wants it and America should vote for him. Simon reiterates that Carlito has his respect and that he's been a pleasure to work with. Paulina goes on about the dream and the finals and how he deserves the deal. We check back in one more time with his grade-school gym, with some shout-outs from some people, one of whom Carlito even recognizes. Not for nothing, but Carlito is very sweaty right now.
Alex & Sierra's song of the series is, no surprise, "Say Something." Even Simon says in his introduction that "there was only one song." Sierra is back at the piano and everything. Their eyes are locked on each other as before, and while it lacks the novelty of the first time they did this song, it's still somehow just as emotional. Kelly says it was even better than the first time, and tells Sierra it's okay to cry (because she seems to be). Demi says they never cease to not blow her away, which isn't actually what she means. Paulina says something about borders and the universal language and how they're the perfect artist. Simon tells them, not as their mentor, that they're exactly what an American talent show needs. I don't think that was quite the compliment he thought it was going to be. From the Florida viewing party, the mayor of Daytona Beach declares Alex & Sierra week from amid a rogue's gallery of locals, and when the feed dies, Alex turns to Sierra and thanks her for doing this with him and thanks everyone for their support. Sierra just says, "I'm really bad at talking," but they've both got wet eyes so I think we get the point. I think the audience was expecting him to propose just now, but there's always tomorrow night.
Finally, Kelly introduces Jeff Gutt for the final time, and he's going with "Creep," the second song from his first audition of his second run at the show. Got all that? Apparently hanging out with John Rzezzeniszzkz has rubbed off on him because he comes in a full two measures early, sounds like. Fortunately he's been able to pull together that live band Paulina requested earlier, and they're professional enough to be able to cover. And then the singing is like the first audition, but now he's somehow earned the oversinging, if not the unnecessary level of pyro that's going along with it. He nails the bridge, which is key, but I could do without listening to him sing the likes of "wier-tow" and "spazz-shal." Still, he gets that coveted unanimous standing ovation from the judges. Demi says it was amazing, and felt like it was a stadium performance for a moment. Paulina leads a chant of "Gutt! Gutt! Gutt!" and loved it all, including Jeff's son. Simon remembers that song getting him back in the competition and is glad they got to hear it tonight, wishing him the best of luck. Kelly says it's been her joy to watch him for the past few weeks, and gives a shout-out to Talon, who the camera picks out just at the moment the kid decides he's had enough of this shit and is sitting the hell down and his uncle in the Navy uniform can fuck right off. Kids do that, you know. From Detroit, there's some yelling and a key to the city being waved around and a bouncer having to repeatedly pull women out of the foreground of the shot. All of which turns Jeff into a big wriggly inarticulate wreck. Cut the poor man loose already, Mario.
Okay, show's over. Voting's open. Nothing left but the big bloated finale. Possibly forever. Or maybe Simon will bring it limping back again year, with three judges and a $300,000 recording contract and only one round between auditions and the live show. But don't hold me to any of that.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.