Mario welcomes us to the show from a stage fake-littered with autumn leaves, and is in time to welcome Simon to his spot at the judges' table. Usually it's Paulina sneaking in at the last second when the cameras go live.
We start right off with an infomercial where the top eight are all hanging out on the backlot together, as I'm sure they totally do. They supposedly think they're being dragged off to yet another wardrobe fitting, only to be led around a corner in a clump and find themselves face-to-face with their families, thanks to a certain car company that isn't paying me for advertising. That same company also invites them up to a banquet hall for a big, multi-family dinner around a giant table. It's a bittersweet moment for Jeff Gutt, whose son Talon hasn't been able to make it… until he does. Because Jeff and Talon are always good for a little extra tear-jerking. Dammit, why couldn't that kid be an asshole?
The top eight then get to put on a group sing of "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane, backed by blown-up versions of family photos behind them on the projection screens. Then we go to ads with little video greeting cards from the top eight and their families, from their families to ours.
Fast-forward of last night's proceedings, which were almost 100% positive except where Simon was involved. When that's over, it means it's time for the first elimination. Mario brings out the four mentors and their two remaining acts each to announce who's going to be leaving first tonight, and it's…Lillie McCloud. Sucks to be 54 on a televised singing competition. Kelly accompanies her to center stage, and Lillie's keeping it positive, saying she's learned a lot and "God knows what he's doing." Kelly takes it pretty well too, considering her only shot of winning this season now rides on Jeff Gutt.
Mario comes back to us from the audience, with his arm clamped around Josh Levi's grandmother. He introduces Demi singing (or at least lip syncing) her new single "Neon Light." The highlight of their performance is when ultraviolet lights illuminate the day-glo stripes of body paint on the back-up dancers, as well as her own lipstick on her blue-lit face. It's very "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go," but updated since the nineties!
Then Mario brings back the mentors again for more results. There aren't as many pauses between names, so they have to be longer, but we eventually find out that the safe ones are Carlito Olivero, Ellona Santiago, Alex & Sierra, Restless Road, and finally Jeff Gutt, of all people. That leaves Josh Levi and Rion Paige in the bottom two. Mario calls them to center stage, and believe it or not, they both say that they're ready to bring it.
Coming back from the ads, Mario gets an assist from his toddler, Gia Francesca, to wish us all Happy Thanksgiving. I have to give her credit, she's a lot less squirmy than my kid was at that age. Michael Bublé returns to sing another song, this one a more busted-ass carnival-sounding ditty. Nice of the big band to hang around for that. The judges give him a standing ovation, and then, after all the thanksgiving wishes from the contestants and their families, the judges wish us a Happy Thanksgiving all by themselves. They seem a little defensive about not having their families with them, though.
Mario sets us up for the final showdown, which is only as final as it usually is. Demi starts by saying Rion Paige deserves everything she's getting in the competition, except for the part about how she's in the bottom two. She sings a confident if occasionally pitchy version of "Perfect," and she seems to be feeling pretty good about it. But then as Mario sends us back to the ads, she seems to remember that she's up against another judges' favorite, so instead of happy she starts looking… determined. That chick has more than enough backbone to make up for the arms. Will it be enough against Josh Levi?
Interestingly, Paulina then introduces "the suave, the lover, the rico, Carlito Olivero!" Which is pretty embarrassing for everyone, because she was supposed to be introducing Josh Levi. Honestly, she had one job. Now Josh has to come out and pretend that didn't happen as he sings another Bruno Mars song, "When I Was Your Man." Like all save-me songs, it's about the vocal rather than production or choreography, and he matches up well against Rion. I honestly don't know what two of the judges are going to do now. Mario comes out and corrects that it's Josh who's singing for survival, not Carlito Olivero. :"Moving right along…" Okay, that was kind of awesome.
He gives Rion the chance to make her case first, and she passionately tells everyone that she wants to stay and show what she can do. As for Josh, he says more or less the same thing. Mario also mentions that he's already been booted from the competition once, and I'm sure Josh appreciates the reminder to everyone that he's already damaged goods. But Josh spins it well, saying he was brought back for a reason. Polling the judges, Mario starts with Rion's mentor Demi, who says she hates to have to do this on Thanksgiving, but votes out Josh. Paulina isn't cool with having to do this either, but she still takes forever making the obvious vote to keep Josh. Moving on to the impartial judges, Kelly prefaces her vote by talking about how great they both are. She says Rion really came out and fought for it, and that Josh needs to do the same if he stays. And with that, she votes to send home Rion.
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With the vote now 2-1 in favor of Josh, Simon tells them both that while he doesn't think they should be in the bottom two, they've both proved they're ready to be in the music business. Now that he's made the point he set out to make, he seems briefly at a loss as to what to actually decide. Which he resolves by not deciding. Instead, he leaves it up to the public by voting to send Josh home. With the judges tied in what's called "Deadlock," a term that's about as accurate as "Final Showdown." It only means the one with the least votes goes home. And in this case, that turns out to be…Josh.
Rion gives him a Rion-hug and makes herself scarce so Josh can watch his farewell reel completely dead-eyed. He makes the right noises when Mario asks him how he feels, but it's obvious from his expression that if getting booted the first time was like a kick in the nut, this is like a kick in the other one. As the show closes, his mom and his mentor are up on the stage with Josh, and I'm sure he'll find comfort in the knowledge that at least one of them knows his name.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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