Continuing with the Four-Chair Challenge tonight -- or rather, the Four-Couch Challenge, since we left off last night well into Simon's Groups category. All four of those couches are currently filled after last night's four performances (by Girls United, the hated Wild Thingz, Glamour and Restless Road), and there are six Groups left to be tortured by Simon. Excuse me, I meant perform.
Mario has a quick exchange with Simon about "last night," even though they're obviously shooting this during the same session because everybody is dressed the same. We're picking up with "Sweet Suspense," the second of three Frankengroups put together by Simon. They're three teenage Girls (Millie, Summer and Celine) who claim to already mesh perfectly, both musically and personally. They also claim to have an uphill climb due to being a new group, when we all know damn well that being one of Simon's Frankengroups is one of the biggest advantages you can have. They actually do fit together rather well vocally, as long as they're in the parts of their song, "Wishing on a Star," in which they're harmonizing rather than soloing. Kelly says they have some work to do, but believes they can get there. Paulina says they "look like a superstars," [sic] and Demi is proud of how good their blend sounds after being together for only a month. Simon points out that their age range is 14 to 17 and talks about how well they fit together, which is mainly Simon complimenting himself. Of course, Simon's seats are full, but one of those seats is full of Wild Thingz, who stop being annoying just in time to leave. Looks good on them.
The group is Yellow House Canyon, a pair of 16- and 17-year-old girls who are from Lubbock, TX and look it, much like their name looks like it was inspired by country music magnetic poetry. They've picked what is probably a perfect song for them, "Hell on Heels" by Pistol Annies, and their harmonies are mostly pretty tight. Kelly loves them and their energy, Demi bonds with their Texas-ness but thinks one of them has a better voice and the other needs to work on hers, but either way she doesn't think they have what it takes. Simon starts off with how much he liked their first audition, which is never a good sign. He calls them "not the best singers in the world," but likes their energy, so he's a little torn. Or wants us to think he is. The blonde tries to make a case for their marketability, but it's no good -- Simon sends them home, because they're not as good as the groups that have existed for a month.
The Group is "Forever in Your Mind," two 15-year-olds and a 14-year old, all of them boys. Two of them were in a five-person group that Simon stripped them out of, and the third was once a solo Boy, so now they're the third of three Frankengroups. Let's hope that like last year's Fifth Harmony, they haven't settled on their final name. Of the three Frankengroups heard so far, they are easily the worst, but Simon is still sitting there grinning like this is just further proof of his genius. Kelly says they're cute, but there was more cuteness than anything else. Paulina also wasn't blown away, especially in light of the competition and Demi says they picked the wrong song, going with a boy band number that far overshadowed their rendition. Simon agrees with Demi and Kelly thinks they need a lead singer, but Simon seems to think they just need more time. While waiting for Simon's decision, one of the kids makes a big inspirational speech about how they're here to win. Simon decides to "take a chance" on them and give them a seat, so his Frankengroups are sweeping the category so far. Simon ends up sending home Glamour rather than one of his other two pet projects, so the sweep holds up. And Simon's Groups category just got a whole lot whiter.
Good News is the group, another pair of teenage girls. They're from California and skinnier than Yellow House Canyon, so they probably have a better chance. They dream about singing in Times Square, probably because nobody will hear them there. They end up singing a country version of "Landslide" that's slower than the Dixie Chicks', and while they do fine for what it is, they end upzzzzzzz. Fortunately their family cheering section is there to wake everyone up when they're done. Paulina thinks they're beautiful, but not ready. Kelly thinks they could be doing more and need some more time. Demi agrees with both of them and Simon says, "This just didn't work in the slightest." In fact, he tells Mario to skip the music, because he's not bothering with the faux suspense and is instead summarily sending them home right now. "Well, Good News just received some very bad news," Mario says. I bet he's glad he didn't have to sit on that one all season.
Alex & Sierra are the adorkable couple from Daytona Beach, Florida who fell in love when she saw him singing "I'm Yours" on the back of his truck. We see them hanging out on the beach in the present and wondering what it'll be like if they win. Not that they will. You may remember what they did with "Toxic" at their first audition, and they do the same thing to "You're the One That I Want" from Grease tonight. It nicely walks the line between creepy and sweet, and Sierra still has this thing where she looks like she can't believe this is happening even as she's making it happen. Kelly loves them and thinks they're pretty sexy, Paulina says she loves them as a couple and artists, and Demi says that as much as she likes them, she wonders what happens if they ever break up. Simon, of all people, says he would never ask that and shushes Demi, saying "the grown-ups are talking." Besides, look at the Eurythmics. Simon gives them a seat without even having to think about it, so let's now go through the charade of pretending we don't know which of his current Groups is going to be sent home when there's only one that he didn't create. He doesn't even look the slightest bit stressed as he jettisons Girls United. Mario says there's one act left, and any of the current final four could be switched out after Roxxy Montana performs. I think we know better than to think it's any group, Mario.
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Wrapping up the Four-Chair Challenge stage of the competition is Roxxy Montana, the three daughters of two pastors who squeaked through their first audition. They've also taken the judges' remarks to heart and are deciding to do a lot more showcasing of the one who can sing, who unfortunately for the other two is also the charismatic one. Their version of "Man in the Mirror" is pretty solid, aside from a harmony tag right at the end that almost goes really well. The judges are impressed, including Simon, who says that while they haven't yet figured out who they are, "We could make you incredible." But are they better than Alex & Sierra? Mario asks for Simon's decision, and one of them talks about the sacrifices that they and their parents have made. Simon says the easy part and gives them a seat. As for whose place they're going to take, Simon claims that's the not so easy part. He looks at his three Frankengroups and Alex & Sierra, and tells Mario who he's not sending home: Alex & Sierra or Restless Road. Wow, I called that wrong. Instead, Simon turns out to have the good sense to get rid of Forever in Your Mind. So I guess that's their final group name after all.
And that's the final 16, and Mario tells us the first live show happens Tuesday, October 29th. Is that because the World Series is going to fill up the intervening time? If so, I think I just became a baseball fan.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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