You may remember how last week's episode received a little trim due to the baseball rain delay and whatever other crap Fox threw on for part of the evening, but apparently someone has re-edited the remainder into a fresh hour just for tonight, which means a lot of people spent the weekend in Avid suites trying to allow the network to convincingly say, "We meant to do that." So here we are, and we're reminded that Britney already picked her four Teens (Diamond White, Carly Rose Sonenclare, Arin Ray and Beatrice Miller) and L.A. picked his four Over 25s (David Correy, Jason Brock, Tate Stevens and Vino Alan), and now we're going to get the big reveals from Demi and Simon. Or at least the rest of the reveals from Demi. I still think this has all been really weird.
And then everything between the opening credits and the first commercial break is stuff we saw last Wednesday night, from Demi talking about her final decisions, to Jennel Garcia and Willie Jones being told that they're going through to the round. And then there's the "Still to Come" title teasing bits from the rest of the episode still remaining. I'll believe it when I see it.
Oh, but then we're actually back, as Demi tells us there are four people left in her category (Paige Thomas, Jillian Jensen, CeCe Frey and Nick Youngerman), but only two spots to go around. I already don't think it's looking good for Nick Youngerman, who got Britney on her feet at his first audition, but now he says he doesn't want to "be known as the rapping toilet-cleaner for the rest of my life." Better stop rapping, then. Demi tells him that he's fun to watch, but the bar has been set high, and he doesn't meet it. Not that she actually says that last part. Nick's heading back to Ohio, but not without passing Jennel and Willie on the winner's couch on his way out. But then at some point we see Willie and Jennel trying to buck him up, so I don't know when that happened. I thought the winners and losers were strictly segregated.
It's Paige's turn , which means she's a lock to make to the live shows, so that suspense can be maximized as to whether CeCe or Jillian will snag the fourth spot. Demi tells her she's a beautiful, gorgeous person with star quality, but it's not just about that. Paige starts getting weepy, copping to some ups and downs with everything going on. Demi assures her that she's going to continue... to be a wonderful mother. Nice of her not to keep Paige in suspense about that part. But she still has to say she's made her decision, and then take an eternal pause before informing Paige that she's in. They hug amid a deafening clatter of their combined jewelry, and Paige goes down to join Willie and Jennel. And not Nick.
That leaves Jillian Jensen and CeCe Frey, who are on opposite ends of any number of spectrums. Jillian, however, claims to have come out of her cocoon. CeCe, on the other hand, is no longer wasting our time with her stupid leopard spots, and claims to the camera that she came on so strong and is now worried, because Demi told her to show some vulnerability so that's her new 24/7 act. I'm no psychiatrist, and wouldn't diagnose people on reality TV if I was, but that chick's a sociopath. Both CeCe and Jillian cry to cameras separately, but I'm pretty sure it's only real for one of them. We cut back and forth between Demi breaking the news to both of them. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry," Jillian says. I'm sure CeCe promised herself the opposite, but both of them are failing. And Demi tells Jillian that she's going home, which seems to devastate Jillian as much as anything in her sucky life to date already has, which is saying something. She goes to the winner's lounge and into Jennel's arms, and the two besties say a farewell so emotional that even Demi is crying in an entirely different room. But Demi cheers up in time to tell CeCe that she's going on to the round. And Jillian goes and cries in Nick Youngerman's arms like she's at a mob funeral, while CeCe adds another mental corpse to her mental pile.
So now we move on to Simon's house in Miami Beach, because he always has to be further away than all the other judges to show how he's the most important one. He's got his six groups: Emblem3, Sister C, Playback, Dope Crisis and Lylas. They're all stressing out at the hotel, where I suppose most of them get to room with each other, aside from Lyric 145, probably. Speaking of whom, the hip-hop Frankengroup that Simon molded from duo One4five and rapper Lyric Da Queen are the first ones up. We see their separate initial auditions, and then their group audition here at Simon's house the day, which is the only performance they've done as a group that there's any past footage of. They come out to Simon's deck and stand before him. Simon appreciates the humor they brought to their performance, not that I was laughing, but he warns that the downside is that there are only four slots. That's not a downside for them, necessarily. Simon's not even trying. Of course he puts them through, like he would ever not promote a group he put together himself.
Dope Crisis is the group to appear before Simon, who tells them they couldn't have put any more into their performance than they did. But he's not convinced that was enough, and tells them, "It's bad news. I'm afraid you didn't make it." Bad for whom, though? Also, Simon doesn't look terribly afraid at all.
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On to Emblem3, who as usual are sporting one shirtless member as they gaze out over the ocean. They talk about how great their first performance was, but then, the day before, one of them missed his cue in front of Simon and Marc Anthony. They start their final audience at Simon's house with a plea to work with him and to be given a chance to do their best. Simon says their performance was the first time he got excited about a group, but they seemed a little unrehearsed yesterday. Which is unusually diplomatic for Simon. Not a good sign. They say they did their best, but Simon disagrees, saying he expected better. Also not a good sign. They beg some more, and Simon says he's made his decision. "And you know me, I like to work with winners." Interminable pause. "I think you're winners." They celebrate and hug Simon, and then of course one of them jumps into the pool and takes his shirt off. Got to stick with the brand.
That leaves Playback, Lylas, and Sister C to divide the last two spots between them, which tells me it's not looking good for Sister C, given that Simon also formed the other two remaining groups. The three sisters pose awkwardly on the edge of Simon's pool with the skyline in the background as they talk about what a leap this has been from the small gigs they're used to playing, but I must be wrong about their chances because they're the fourth group to show up on Simon's deck, which is as good as three tickets to Los Angeles. He tells them he could imagine recognizing them when hearing them on the radio, but is still concerned about their likability. Or is he? "I think America are going to love you," he finally says. America will look forward to that, then.
Only Lylas and Playback are left, both of them Frankengroups mashed together from female and male solo artists respectively. One of them is going to get shot down, and how much do you have to suck to be in a Simon-formed band that even Simon doesn't like? We flash back to their ejections from Boot Camp, only to be given this second chance. And then Playback did a Hall & Oates song for Simon, so way to piss it away. Lylas tell a similar story, and then we see both five-person groups caravan out to Simon's deck, separately yet at the same time. Simon tells Playback that sometimes this doesn't work and sometimes it works "spectacularly well." He liked Lyla's vocals and Playback's energy, but after adding that he has to be sure of his decision, he gives the bad news to...Playback. Too bad for that kid with the long-distance girlfriend. And, you know, I'm thinking this might just be the end for Playback, period. When Lylas receive the good news, they collapse in joy on Simon's deck, so of course he has to wade in for some love.
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So week, we get the live shows we've been hearing so much about for so long. Britney talks up the Teens, Carly Rose Sonenclar, Beatrice Miller, Arin Ray, and Diamond White; Demi gushes about her own Willie Jones, Paige Thomas, Jennel Garcia, and CeCe Frey (who Demi freely admits isn't especially likable); L.A. manages to work up a soupcon of enthusiasm for David Correy, Jason Brock, Tate Stevens, and Vino Alan; and Simon Cowell boasts about Lylas, Sister C, Lyric 145, and Emblem3. All on November 1, unless of course someone at the network decides there's an episode of Mob Doctor we simply must see instead.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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