So it looks like tonight we'll find out who's moving on to the round. I've learned not to read too much into the people we see crying in the previews, because there's a better than even chance they're crying because they made it. We'll see how that plays out statistically, shall we? Actually, we won't, because that would require me to pay attention to who's crying in the previews.
Coincidentally, given that this is the second Boot Camp episode in as many days, we join the proceedings on day two of Boot Camp in Miami, where there are only sixty acts left. They're all out on the hotel's patio overlooking the Caribbean, as Simon talking-heads (and talking chests -- button your shirt, for God's sake, Cowell) that the remaining contestants will be paired off against each other in duets. In the absence of a host -- and I'm trying to pretend for as long as possible that that vacancy won't eventually be filled by Khloe Kardashian and Mario Lopez, two even bigger vacancies -- a producer starts calling names. To begin with, Tara Simon will be up against Jennel Garcia. Does that mean only one of them will survive? Nope. "One could make it, both could make it, neither could make it," Simon THs. So what's the point, then? David Correy will be paired with Vino Alan. Simon goes on to say that each pair has to pick their own song and divide it between themselves with no outside guidance. Of course Paige Thomas and CeCe Frey are duetting, so as to maximize the potential for conflict we were supposed to see last night. Briana Wright and Jason Brock seem to be clashing over which song to pick. L3vel (which is apparently pronounced Level 3, making me hate them even more than I already would have hated a group called "L3vel") will be duetting against Emblem3, who are sticking to their usual trash-talking ways. Simon says that after this there will be 24 acts left. "The battle is on for a place at the judges' homes," Britney narrates. And I'm sure the semifinalists can't wait to meet her kids.
Tara Simon, vocal coach and dedicated fan of Tara Simon, decides that she and Jennel Garcia will be doing "Landslide." "Um, we're set on the song," she declares when Jennel voices her doubts about performing something that isn't her style. Tara and Jennel wait in opposite wings for the entrance and eventually come out to stand before the judges. Tara looks like she's planning to eat Jennel at her earliest opportunity. Which she pretty much does when the song starts, bulldozing over the younger girl with her theatrics and her high notes and the fact that she actually knows the song. After they're done, Simon speaks for all of the judges when he says he doesn't know why that was the song they chose. As soon as Tara starts making excuses, Simon susses out that she picked the song and says he feels bad for Jennel. "Well, that's the way it goes," he dismisses them like a disappointed dad. Leaving Tara and Jennel to do some post-mortem speculation about what's . Not much for Tara, I'm guessing.
The pair we see are some kind of tween off-brand Mousketeer duo, with Beatrice Miller and Carly Rose Sonenclar, both 13 and talented, crooning "Pumped Up Kicks." Carly Rose looks bored while waiting to blow Beatrice away, which she ultimately does.
Vino Alan interviews that he's up against his roommate David Correy. They both interview about how they like each other, but want to win. When they come out onstage, David makes a speech about how the judges are the four roadblocks to his dream, which may not be the most politic statement to make. They sing "What's Goin' On." They're well matched to both each other and the song and L.A. is having the time of his life watching them. But after they finish, Simon notices that Vino has thrown his hat, which he correctly reads as Vino being disgusted with himself. Even if Vino appears to be the only one dissatisfied with his performance. Even David thinks Vino did a great job, but Vino maintains that he "fucked up serious." Britney's actually starting to come around on him, finally. Maybe that's what he means.
During rehearsals, vocal coach Autumn Rowe (an actual X Factor vocal coach, not a Tara Simon vocal coach) is giving some life-coaching rather than vocal coaching to Diamond White (13) and her partner Dinah Jane Hansen (16 going on 40) who cops to being nervous. They're both here for their families, which in Dinah Jane's case includes twenty-odd people in one house, in case you forgot. They go out and sing a version of Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger" that's so slow as to be almost unrecognizable, giving them both plenty of time to throw in lots of loud, high notes. Backstage, Dinah Jane admits to messing up the lyrics, but Diamond assures her it wasn't noticeable. Alas, the judges noticed. I have to admit that I didn't, if only because I was still trying to identify the song at that point.
There must be an odd number of groups, because Lauren Jauregi is doing a "duet" with Sister C, the three-part harmony group. L.A. likes the harmonies, but Britney finds them annoying. Simon accuses both female judges, "You don't want them and they don't want you," scoffing at Demi's objection. Brandon Hassan, 16, and Reed Deming, 13, stumble through "Secrets" but are cute enough to make the judges smile. Julia Bullock, who ditched her band for this, drags Ally Brooke and her dumb hat through "Knockin' On Heaven's Door." The judges agree that there was a winner and loser there, but we don't hear them say which one, not that we need to. Jeff Gutt, the 36-year-old single dad from "Detriot, MI" (nice job, captions) does well enough that we don't even find out who he's singing with, but Simon figures he's had his moment... whatever that means.
The line between commercial and show blurs more than ever, as hapless judges' assistant Wade takes delivery of three coolers of Pepsi X. Dragon-flavored, apparently. Nobody cares except Simon, who wants to claim he picked the winner and not just Demi. And I don't think even he cares that much.
Lyric Da Queen and Willie Jones bond with each other about the stress and drama of Boot Camp, with all two of its tasks. For this round, he's up against Tate Stevens, the other country singer we've met. Tate thinks his advantage is in his experience, wisely not mentioning that, unlike Willie, he also wears a cowboy hat and is white. Tate appears to have an even greater advantage, because they're singing "Nobody Knows," -- which I'm more familiar with as a Babyface tune than as a country song, which means L.A. probably knows it real well -- and Willie forgets the words. He lets a few lines go by while Tate makes a "Did you fart?" face at him. It's also not in the lower range that Willie uses to set himself apart, so the younger man is screwed on every level. Especially when Tate comes in and sings his part perfectly. After they're done, it looks like they're going to get away clean, but L.A. stops Willie and asks if he knew the song before this. Willie says he didn't, and does his best to avoid throwing Tate under the bus for picking it. "I think Tate knew what he was doing," Demi suspects after Willie leaves the stage, and L.A. agrees that "Tate hustled him." Willie has tears going down his face backstage after that, feeling like he blew it. Well, with some help with Tate.
Arin Ray, who survived last year's InTENsity debacle, is now being paired with another 16-year-old named Normani Hamilton. Arin assures us that he's not looking for a girlfriend until after he wins the prize. I don't think she was asking, dude. They do their duet like a little theater piece and then high-five backstage. And then Arin says something sweet to her that makes her hug him. Yeah, he's not looking for a girlfriend at all. The judges are clearly feeling Arin, though. Simon says he could see Arin in a band, and I think he actually means it and is not just being an imp from Hell who wants to torture Arin this way every year until the end of time.
Jillian Jensen, the bullied 19-year-old, is paired with a Latasha Robinson, 27, and not happy about it. Latasha appears a little domineering, which Jillian doesn't know how to deal with. Once they're onstage together, L.A. tries to pit them against each other before they even get started. And only a couple of lines in, Latasha totally forgets the words and has a crying fit, giving up even when Jillian tries to help her out by quietly singing the lyrics to her. So eventually Jillian stops worrying about her and steps forward into her moment, doing that raw, emotional thing she does for the rest of the song. Well, one of them impressed the judges, at least. Latasha apologizes to the stone-faced judges and Jillian even defends Latasha to them as well. Once they're off stage, Jillian's main concern is still for Latasha, who's storming off to cry. "That little 19-yar-old girl just stood there and outshined me.," she sobs. Not true; that implies Latasha did any shining at all.
Speaking of runaway lyrics, Freddie Combs's brain also goes into vapor-lock during his duet with Jessie Bryant, who resorts to scatting when he forgets the words as well. "All my eggs was right here," Jessie sobs backstage. Nick Youngerman also chokes, and tells the judges it's happening as its happening. I think they got that. A Jordan Shane has the same experience. But of course the real story, according to the editors, is how sad all of this truly is... for Britney.
We see a few moments of performances by the likes of Jason Brock, Camila Cabello, Owen Stuart and Lyric Da Queen, but it's all leading up to the main event. You know how CeCe Frey has those stupid Star Trek: Voyager leopard spots on one temple? She's painting them down the side of one leg as well. Now that's committing to a brand, even if it isn't a literal brand. If she gets one of those I hope they show it. She interviews that Paige Thomas has been her roommate since arriving in Florida, even after their Whitney-off we saw last night. They're also doing "Secrets" by One Republic, although Paige complains to Autumn Rowe about how she never wanted to do that song. Autumn basically tells her to suck it up.
The two of them come out and meet onstage, the last pairing of the night. "The grand finale," CeCe says. Simon asks them how they picked the song. Dead silence, until CeCe spins a lie about how Paige saw it on the list and pointed it out. Paige pulls an Obama and lets this obvious falsehood stand. Simon asks Paige why she should win, and Paige says she doesn't fit anywhere other than the spotlight. CeCe coldly watches Paige's tears and then grits, "I want to succeed as badly as I want to breathe." Well, thanks for not making it hyperbolic. CeCe also makes her voice shake as though she's experiencing human emotion, but her dry, cold, staring eyes suggest otherwise. Anyway. The song begins and Paige is not pulling it off at all. Her unfamiliarity with the song is telling on her. And then CeCe comes in and totally big-leagues Paige with her superior knowledge of the song and a long run of notes at the end. As they leave the stage, Simon comments on how exhausted they both looked. Paige is tearful backstage, repeating that this wasn't the song she would have chosen, "but that's the competition." CeCe just looks are her like, "Why aren't you dead yet?" Britney says she liked Paige, but CeCe tells the camera that if it's only going to be one of them, it has to be her. "She messed up. I didn't. That's great." And CeCe looks ready to devour anyone who disagrees with that. And whatever tonight's previews may have implied, we'll find out who makes it to the round... week. Oh, come on.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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