Want to see a teenager get her heart ripped out all over again? Well, that's what previouslies are for. As a reminder, we're now down to Marcus, Chris, Josh and Melanie who are all trying to get to the season finale week. Ah, what a sweet phrase that is.
After the titles, Steve comes out onto a stage with the word SEMIFINALS drifting across all the Jumbotrons. He's in a much better mood than we left him in last week. Steve tells us that there will be only three singers (or Chris Rene) going to the finals week. After bringing out the judges, Steve tells us there's no final showdown this week and no judges' decision, however that works -- it will be all votes. Because that worked out so well last week. And now, it's time for the Pepsi Challenge! Remember when that used to just mean a blind taste test of different sodas? Now it means the final four sing songs that people voted for online. I guess if you own the phrase Pepsi Challenge it can mean whatever you want it to mean. And now it also means an overedited, overdramatic clip package to introduce how scary all the contestants find the very idea of it.
Back from that, Steve asks Simon how Rachel is, after being gutshot on live TV last week. He says he hasn't seen her, but she's "not at the mercy of these two any more," which I guess could mean any of the other three. Steve asks Nicole how she is and Nicole claims that the boos we're hearing right now have only made her stronger. Stronger than the jellyfish she was last week? How hard is that?
L.A. introduces Marcus as the "three-time save me song champion," as though that means anything other than damaged goods. Marcus appears in an oddly-cut three-piece suit, picked out by a spotlight as he sings yet another Boys II Men song, "I'll Make Love to You" while holding a white rose. People on the Internet love Smoove B, after all.
Before the smoke clears (which will take an industrial fan), Nicole says he's bringing sexy back, and Paula again calls him "the entertainer of this group." I know she's used that phrase a lot, but I'm not sure if it's always been in reference to Marcus. Simon tells the audience to wait until he's done talking before they boo him, and complains that the staging was distracting and corny. Since he can't blame Marcus for the song choice or the production, that's pretty much all he has to say. L.A. is of course on Marcus's side all the way, and not just because it would be weird if he wasn't.
One break later, the people in the balcony seem to have finally noticed Steve's presence up there as he throws it to L.A to introduce Chris Rene. Chris's Pepsi Challenge song is "Fly" by Sugar Ray, because what's really been missing from the whole Chris Rene thing is his fratty side. There's a fake band up on the riser with him, and people butt-dancing on the stage until they get up for the last chorus.
Nicole and Paula give him a standing ovation for that. L.A. is just shaking his head -- proudly, I guess. Nicole and Paula give some vague, meaningless comments. Simon liked the song choice, but says it wasn't Chris's best vocal performance, giving it a 7 out of 10 (agreed), and basically says he's got one more chance to get it right. Over the crowd's chants of "Chris Rene," L.A. tells him to keep doing what he's doing. Voting instructions from Steve, and ads.
Steve's still in the balcony, reminding us again that it's all votes this week, and then he yields the floor to Simon, who starts by disowning the song choice and saying they put a "twist" on it before introducing his last Girl, Melanie Amaro. She's alone on the stage in a black dress, singing "Hero" by Mariah Carey in usual Melanie Amaro fashion, which is to say quite well indeed. I didn't bother to vote for the Pepsi Challenge, but I'm starting to suspect that the songs were selected from a menu of choices for each singer. Which is probably good for them, because who would have been able to resist the impish impulse to make Melanie sing "Fly" instead?
L.A. admits that he can't criticize the song choice, as much as he might want to, and says Melanie didn't have her usual passion. Nicole talks about her love for the song and the message and blah blah blah. Paula talks about how Melanie inspires her, and points out the song's writer who she has dragged into the audience for some reason. Paula also complains about changing the major chords to minor ones, which Simon says is putting one's stamp on a song. Melanie lets Steve get all the way through her voting instructions without throwing a filibuster this week, and before we go to ads we get a glimpse of Josh being prepped backstage, having more grease added to his hair.
Yes, there's one singer left for the Pepsi Challenge round, and Josh should be in good shape because he's the only one left in the competition whose mentor isn't also a judge. America has sent him back to the Beatles well, specifically "Come Together," which Nicole has him doing in some kind of indeterminate funk-metal style.
L.A. reluctantly admits that he enjoyed it, adding that it was the best he's seen from Josh in a few weeks. Paula accuses Josh of attacking our souls, which I guess she means as a compliment. Simon agrees with L.A. that Josh is back, although I have to disagree with his assessment that Nicole is Cruella De Vil; she's actually rocking more of a Morticia Addams look tonight. Nicole herself talks about how Josh is so awesome for always doing something completely different from what she tells him to (which is why he's still in it, probably), and then goes off-script on Simon so hard that even he asks what the hell she's talking about.
Back from the break, Steve promises that the Pepsi commercial that the winner gets to star in as what's been hyped as fully half the prize will be "iconic." Okay, well now I'm interested.
L.A. ding-dongs Marcus Canty's last name again, and the second performances are getting intro reels this week. Marcus's is all about how he didn't want to go up against Rachel, and was shocked (along with the rest of America) when he survived last week. We also see Simon telling him he did well after last week's show. Marcus also talks about the support of his mom, even if that support does have an expiration date.
For his performance, Marcus travels back to the '80s, wearing one of Simon LeBon's old white suits as he sings "Careless Whisper." It starts out slow and subdued, but picks up with a dance beat and dancers and all the confetti they were saving for the finale.
Nicole calls the song "unexpected," "but I love that you did your thing on it. It just kept growing and growing." Dirty! Paula agrees that it all worked. Simon tells Marcus how awesome he is, but calls it "horrific," comparing it to a 1983 Vegas show. "You deserve better than that," he tells Marcus, blaming L.A. for making a joke out of it. L.A. doesn't bother to respond to Simon, just talking instead to Marcus about what a champion Marcus is. Out comes Steve to remind us and the world that this week all the judges' comments are "all redundant." So by all means, let's spend time on them instead of wrapping this thing up in an hour.
Steve comes back and reads some new Tweets, including one that says, "Sometimes the judges just spew out random drivel just because they have to say something." If only the truth of that remark wouldn't be obscured by the fact that it came from Twitter. "That's why I have to stop them sometimes, America," Steve says, like anyone ever complains about him doing so. Another Tweet dubs L.A. "L.A. Rude," who is about to agree with the first Tweet until Steve cuts him off, only to return the floor to "L.A. Rude" to introduce Chris.
You'll never believe this, but Chris's intro reel is all about how he's been clean and sober seven months. Apparently he's playing piano while singing in front of an audience for the first time. This ties into how he learned to play piano with his dad, who died a few years ago after Chris promised to make him proud. Okay, after that story, does he even have to sing? I guess so. L.A. has him in a cardigan and necktie and a Richie Cunningham hairdo as he sings the first verse of "No One" by Alicia Keys from the piano, then gets up and joins the dancers for the up-tempo.
Nicole warns Chris that she's going to keep it real, and then says that he doesn't have the best voice but it doesn't matter because of his spirit and how everyone believes. Way to keep it real, Nicole. That was totally bracing. Paula just spews out random drivel just because she has to say something. Simon says Chris delivered just like Simon told him he would have to, and adds that his dad would be proud, making Chris Rene the most recent person Simon has reduced to tears. L.A. says stardom isn't about singing, but lovability, which Chris has. "All we need are the votes." Steve comes out and gives Chris a fatherly hug before doing the voting instructions and going to ads.
Melanie's intro reel is all about her emotional roller coaster from earlier in the competition and then being out of the competition and then back in it and now being in the final four, and her wish to help her family financially, and a fan-Tweet she got from Mariah Carey. L.A. says Melanie's in a rut, which is why Simon has given her something different to do, which, neither he nor Simon seems sure if it'll work.
Melanie's doing the old chestnut "Feelin' Good," and I have to say the gamble pays off big time. Out of her diva comfort zone and doing something a little more bluesy, she just crushes it, earning herself a quadruple standing ovation from the judges' table.
L.A. calls her "the greatest female that's ever graced this stage." He loves the song choice and tells Simon good job. Nicole quotes the lyrics like she loves to do and says that was the new Melanie Amaro anthem, whatever that means. Paula says she's letting go and she loves it, and Simon tells her, "This is why we brought the show to America," and says this is Melanie's bet performance yet. He makes a naked plea for votes, which Steve gives instructions for, but I have a feeling she's safe. "I bet Mariah Carey loved that too," he smarms to Melanie. And what is Twitter for if not for finding out?
Nobody left but Josh, whose intro reel is all about the pressure of being this close and how disappointed he's be if he had to go him. We also meet Josh's less dashing brother Zach, who gave Josh a place to stay when he was broke and homeless.
Josh is back at the piano to sing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." My first reaction was that it's a little risky to sing something that overdone, but the main risk turns out to be audience members yelling during the quiet parts and Nicole's risible listening pose (brows knit, hands crossed over her heart like the judges are the ones competing for five million dollars and she really wants to give it her all).
He does well, but L.A. says that it lacked excitement. Paula is actually crying as she gushes about Josh pouring out his heart and saying he's the one to beat. Simon gravely talks to Josh about the finals and all the money at stake, and then says, "I'm going to have to agree with...Paula." See what he did there? Nicole's awfully happy to agree with him when he supports her guy, isn't she? She calls the song a prayer and Josh a gift and finally shuts up.
Recap of tonight's eight performances, with the voting numbers on the bottom of the screen. I'm not about to make any predictions regarding who's going home tomorrow. Hell, I don't even know how they're going to fill an hour episode without a sing-off and a decision from the judges. Well, there will be a song from one of the judges instead; Nicole will be performing, as will Florence + the Machine. Oh, and wouldn't it be awesome if the better of those two singers stayed?
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.