Making the Hard Choices

S01E09

So, to recap so far: Simon's picked Simone, Drew and Tiah. Paula picked the Brewer Boys, InTENsity and Lakoda Rayne. Nicole took Josh, Dexter and Leroy; and L.A. has Brian Bradley, Chris Rene and Phillip Lomax. So we're down to one spot and two people still hoping for it in each category. We're continuing with the boys, which are down to Tim Cifers and Marcus Canty. Tim's the country singer and beer distributor who says this is his one shot. "This decision determines the rest of my life," he tells us. Marcus Canty is the kid whose two years of trying to become a musician are about to run out. There's more editing back and forth between the two of them sitting with L.A., who makes sure to tell Tim that Rihanna appreciated his humility. He also tells Marcus that he's not sure where Marcus fits, but it's Tim who gets sent back to his beer truck. "I don't know what else I could have done," Tim tells us. Be Phillip Lomax? That worked for him. Of course, Marcus doesn't know that four people have already been axed, so he's pretty happy to learn that he's going on, along with Brian, Chris and Phillip. Now he gets to call home and hopefully not be told, "Sorry, Marcus, your two years are up." Are you getting tired of that joke yet? Too bad, I still have one year, eleven months, and one week left on it.

Back to Villa Abdul, where the last Group slot is a tossup between the Stereo Hogzz and The Anser. How committed are the Anser? They bought rings. The Stereo Hogzz, meanwhile are dressed up like they're going to the Hamptons to learn their fate. Between the two groups, it's like a quadruple gay wedding. More cutting back and forth between the two groups getting their critiques from Paula. She has more negative things to say to the Anser, and they start crying, so it's not a shock when she says they're done. But at least they have their rings, and at least I can stop typing "Answ-[backspace]" all the damn time. They join the surviving groups in the kitchen, where there are lots of tearful farewells, and Paula kind of angrily tells Stereo Hogzz, "We're gonna kill it!" And then she disappears entirely into their group hug before they jump into her pool in their fancy clothes. Apparently they get only one phone call home to break the news, because they shout into the communicator, "Call all the moms!"

Two categories left to finish filling. The last slot for the Over 30s is down to Stacy Francis and Elaine Gibbs, and I think we all know how this is going to go. Elaine tells us all about how much she wants this to change her life, but she's no match for Stacy Francis on that score. Stacy tells us that she's turning off the naysayer voice of her first husband in her head, and that her confidence is growing. Finally it's time for both of them to join Nicole on her outdoor couch, although at different times. Unless there are two identical Nicoles on two identical couches in the identical backyards of two identical homes, but I think we can rule that out. She calls Elaine one of their most talented singers she's ever come by, and tells Stacy that she has an amazing voice. But there's that X Factor beyond the voice, and Elaine sighs, knowing what's coming. Nicole tells Stacy she's worried she can't handle this business. But finally she tells Elaine she's not going through, and that she's sorry. Some producer in a headset has to sit on Nicole's couch with her and be her therapist as she talks about how much Elaine was counting on it. "My dream is not over," Elaine tells Steve as he holds both her hands. And when Nicole tells Stacy she's taking her on, Stacy disappears behind one of Nicole's throw pillows, she's so happy. Between Stacy's mascara and Josh's Joshness, Nicole's going to spend a lot of time between now and the live shows shopping for new throw pillows.

Over to Malibu, where Nicole is getting ready to end some careers for good. For very good, in at least one case. But the first to face Nicole is Josh the Burrito Guy. He interviews about how this could change his life. Nicole acts all nervous, sitting on a couch in her back yard with her feet tucked under her as Josh sits on the other end. She doesn't have Simon's skill for fucking with people, and there's not much suspense before she tells him he's going through. Josh gives her a big hug, which probably makes her regret not telling him last. Now she needs to be fumigated.

Nicole's victim is Christa Collins, who we've barely seen but who I was completely exhausted with at first sight two weeks ago. Oh, but before we find out what happens to her, we catch up to James Kenney of the five jobs. "Jobs, and then there's dreams," he interviews. And he really wants his kids to see his dad live his dream. Awfully kind of him, thinking about his kids that way. And yet we don't find out what happens to him either, until we check in with Dexter Haygood, who says this is the most important day of his life, and admits that during the day's performance for Nicole and Enrique, he "stunk up the room." Which is being a little hard on himself, especially since he was outside. He reminds us that he's homeless, and thus needs this more than anyone. Too bad Paula isn't here to protect him any more.

Now it's a three-way edit, as Nicole tells Christa there's still room for growth, and compliments James on his vulnerability while wondering if he's the solo artist they're looking for. As for Dexter, she just makes him cry. Not that that's hard. Decision time: she cuts Christa loose, sending her and her mascara-rivers back for a hug from Steve. She also ends it for James Kenney, who gets to go back to his five jobs now. I also have more than one job, but the difference is that I like mine. As for Dexter, she tells him that she's torn between her heart and her head, but she has a big heart, so Dexter's still in it. "I'm actually the happiest man in the world right now," Dexter tells Steve with uncharacteristic calmness, and then takes a celebratory dive into Nicole's pool in one of the three outfits he owns.

Up to Villa Abdul, where Paula's getting ready to inflict some mass casualties. We're about to learn the fates of 2 Squar'd, the four-girl group; moppet brothers The Brewer Boys, and Illusion Confusion, if "learn" is the correct word in that last case. They interview that it would be a nightmare if it ended for them now; 2 Squar'd has basically gone all in for this, quitting their jobs and zeroing out their bank accounts; and the Brewer Boys seem like they could take this or leave it. So it's time for the three-way interview. Paula tells the Brewer Boys she's proud of them, Illusion Confusion that they have good vocals but lack showmanship, and 2 Squar'd that they need to make it work when they're asked to sing songs that don't work for them. In other words, it's their fault they were assigned the worst possible song Paula could think of having them do. She tells Illusion Confusion they're done, and one of them interviews afterward, "I'm mad as hell. I'm very upset." This he says with utter calmness and complete lack of showmanship, so I kind of see Paula's point. 2 Squar'd is also out, but the Brewer Boys don't have to suffer anything but a long wait before Paula tells them they're in. Afterward, the younger one's emotional, while the older one appears to be cracking up laughing.

4Shore will be , and they present themselves before Paula in different-colored t-shirts with their 4Shore logo on it. We learn that they go to school in different places and only get together in the summer, and they decided this was their last shot. Would we be learning about this if they were out? Paula says they're the most beautiful-sounding group, but is wondering who their leader is. That's a pretty weak argument, but she tells them that she can't take them through. So now they're going home, but one of them interviews that bigger and better things will come of this. Funny, that's not what they were saying before.

We pay our first visit back to the Reid Ranch, where L.A. is about to make some cuts. Brian Bradley is already looking forward to fame, fortune, and girls. He sits down across from L.A. in those cushy lawn chairs in L.A.'s back yard. L.A. remembers how impressed he was at Brian's first performance, but asks if he's ready to go forward. Which is kind of a giveaway that L.A. is bringing Brian on to the live shows, but Brian acts happy anyway. He says he's humbled by the experience of sitting across from L.A. Or as humbled as he gets.

is the four-way of Nick Voss, Phillip Lomax, Brennin Hunt and Skyelor Anderson. L.A. talks to Nick about whether he's found his identity as an artist, worries about Skyelor limiting himself to country, and senses a "turbulent ride" with Brennin, whatever that means. He compliments Phillip on the "moments of real brilliance in your voice, but I can't have you give me Sinatra every night." L.A. really needs to work on not giving away his reveals early. He sends Nick, Skyelor and Brennin home, to Brennin's shock. Phillip Lomax is among the final four boys, and he's the most shocked of all of them. Well, him and me. "I'm gonna make you so proud, L.A." he promises, and he can't even make it back to the house before squatting on the ground to catch his breath in disbelief. Will you look at that? He's already taking L.A.'s advice and getting less cheesy!

Back to France, and Jazzlyn is about to find out if she's in or out. And given her history of nerves, I don't understand how she's not a walking ulcer right now. Simon tells her he liked her grit, but then got a little polished. "I also think people will like you. I like you." But he makes her wait before telling her, "It's bad news. You didn't make it." Jazzlyn sobs in Simon's arms, then in Steve's, and then Simone Fucking Battle tells her she'll come back from this. I guess I should be glad Simone knew the right words this time.

Tiger Budbill, the wedding DJ whose house is about to be on the block because he earns less money at his job in a week than I do recapping, and LeRoy Bell, the 60-year-old, are about to find out their fate from Nicole. Obviously they're both nervous. Nicole tells LeRoy he has a beautiful voice, and Tiger that she was blown away by him and has watched him grow. Tiger grew a beard, yes. Nicole frets that LeRoy may not want it enough, and tells Tiger she wants more from him. Could she make that a little more intangible? Tiger's out, and he says he felt his heart drop, which makes Nicole cry after they hug goodbye. Tiger calls home on what must be the official X Factor Communicator and tells his wife he just wanted her to be proud. She says she is proud, no matter what, which isn't as encouraging as she might intend. "No matter how much you suck, I'll always be proud." On the other hand, LeRoy's reaction to the news that he's through is so muted that Nicole is the one who has to excitedly clap her hands and climb all over him, just so someone on the screen looks happy.

Back to the Reid Ranch. Chris Rene, who has one more day of sobriety than the last time we saw him, is about to find out whether he's still in the competition or that much closer to his relapse. Chris tells us about deciding to change his life while on the way to the hospital, so here he is. He joins L.A. and his Bond-villain outfit in the back yard, and reveals that he's been clean since April 20. Easy date to remember, it being Hitler's birthday and all. [Note: And this. -- RS.] L.A. says Chris was good yesterday but he's been better, and consistency is important. Chris promises to not let anyone down, and after one of his long, basilisk stares, L.A. finally tells Chris, "You're on my team." Chris is off to celebrate, and to call his sister Gina to break the news that he's now lasted two rounds more than she did. Oh, and enough with the "Fix You" for the Chris Rene segments already, The X Factor.

Hour two, and it's time for the two Frankengroups made of soloists who couldn't cut it individually to find out if their artificially created bands are going on or not. They all want it really bad, though. Paula tells the four-girl group, Lakoda Rayne, that their energy was off, and the teen mob that is InTENsity that the boys sounded great but the girls need to spend some time on a "vocal blend." She babbles at both groups, with the editors cutting back and forth between them as if to underline how she's getting so incoherent it doesn't even matter who she's talking to any more. Bottom line: Lakoda Rayne is moving on, and so is InTENsity. Wow. Is Illusion Confusion still on the property? Are we sure they aren't armed? Somebody should probably check on that. And Paula should consider moving so they don't know where she lives any more.

In France, it's time for Caitlin Koch and Tiah Tolliver to find out if they get one of the two remaining Girl spots. Caitlin is obviously saving her voice for later in the competition as she mumbles about how she wants to go further, rather than going back to Buffalo and rugby and singing to nobody. They make their appearances in front of Simon. He likes them both, but asks Tiah, "What do you think has gone wrong with you in the fact that I seem to be the only person who likes you?" Is there any right answer to that question? I mean from Tiah's point of view, that is. From our point of view, there's no wrong answer. But ultimately, Caitlin is the one who didn't make it. "I'm really genuinely sorry," he says, and then tells no one after she leaves, "I didn't like doing that." She tells Steve it's just not her time, and he gives her a hug. And then Simon tells Tiah that he's a believer, so she's going on. I think we'll look back on tonight as the point when Simon lost the competition for himself.

Only one slot left in the whole top sixteen, and this one is between Rachel Crow and Melanie Amaro. Will it be the 18-year-old with the supportive mom or the sassy 13-year-old who needs a new bathroom? They appear before Simon in that separately-yet-at-the-same-time way that's getting so annoying. Simon says he loved Rachel's first audition, but he wasn't expecting the others to be so good. He tells them both how tough this is for him, having to cut people. Poor Simon. "You haven't made it, babe," he finally says to Melanie, and apologizes to her three times while hugging her. "I hate this job sometimes," Simon tells us while a tearful Melanie gets a hug from Steve and calls her mom, who can't understand what Melanie's saying through all the crying. But then Simon loves his job all over again as he tells Rachel, "It's not great news. It's fantastic news." Weak. He gets up and hugs her, asking, "How can I say no to you?" Rachel gets a happy reunion with Steve, and with her mom, who I guess got to come to France too. I bet Simon's place has tons of bathrooms.

So with ten whole minutes left in the show, the final sixteen have been named. "Or have they?" Steve asks. Sitting out on his pool deck at night with an assistant, Simon tells her, "I think I've made a mistake." She really sells her muted shock, slowly pulling her hands from the keyboard of her laptop as Simon insists that he made a big mistake. Well, I could have told him that.

Coming back, Steve tells us that the judges compared notes after making their picks, and Simon was having second thoughts, and the other judges agreed. So apparently he travels to Sunrise, Florida by plane, and then he's driven in an SUV along with a whole camera and sound crew to knock on some girl's door like he's Publisher's Clearing House in a white V-neck T-shirt. Don't stretch this out too much, Simon, or we're going to have time to look up who came from Sunrise, Florida. A dad lets Simon in conspiratorially, so Melanie doesn't know he's there until he's inside the house, shaking everyone's hand in the tiny, crowded living room. After things calm down, Simon makes a production of personally apologizing to Melanie and asks her back. Obviously she's thrilled, and her family excitedly tells her to say yes. Well, this is very thrilling and happy and all, but who's getting cut after being told they're still in it? "I never would have forgiven myself if I hadn't done this," Simon tells us outside the house. He's in an awfully good mood for someone who's going to have to yank someone's dream away...but then Steve tells us the final seventeen are confirmed. Okay then. Must be nice to be Simon. Rules are rules, except when they're not.

So then there's a whole flashy preview of Tuesday's first live show, reminding us once again that it'll be L.A. with the Boys (Marcus Canty, "Astro" [formerly known as Brian Bradley], Phillip Lomax and Chris Rene), Paula with the Groups (Lakoda Rayne, The Brewer Boys, InTENsity and the Stereo Hogzz), Nicole with the Over 30s (Josh Krajcik, LeRoy Bell, Dexter Haygood and Stacy Francis), and Simon with the Girls (Simone Fucking Battle, Rachel Crow, Tiah Tolliver, Drew Ryniewicz and Melanie Amaro). All of them get glamour shots showing them posing in a corridor of lights, staring intensely out at us through the lens flares, as Steve reminds us they'll be back live! Tuesday! Live! Liiiiiive!!

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.