So here we are at the Royal Rumble, my favorite of all Pay Per Views. I know Wrestlemania gets all of the attention, but I love the anticipation of "Who will be ? Who will be the surprise entrants?" of the Royal Rumble. So, fasten your seatbelts, because it's going to be a bump-y night. Hee! Wrestling puns.
The first match of the evening is a Tag Team Title match, with Edge and Christian defending their belts against the Dudley Boyz. No tables, ladders, or chairs (at least not legally) this time around -- just some good old-fashioned wrestling. The Dudleyz come down to the ring first, and the crowd goes nuts. In case you missed it, we see that on Monday night, Edge and Christian gave the "double con-chair-to" to the Dudleyz backstage. Then, on Thursday, Christian did a (poorly executed) face-breaker to D-Von, and then Edge and Christian put Buh Buh Ray through a table. By the time they show us all of that, the match has already begun. Buh Buh Ray takes control early on against Christian -- at one point, he Irish Whips Christian into the ropes, then catches him and just tosses him way up into the air. Maybe that move has a name, but I don't know what it is. Edge and Christian get some momentum back, although they appear to be going in and out of the ring without tagging, which makes me think that if they lose, there will be some question as to who was the legal man at the time. At one point, Edge taunts Buh Buh Ray, and Jerry Lawler says, "I love it when Edge talks trash." JR replies, "Does it keep you aroused?" Whuh? Where did that come from? Weird. Edge and Christian go for the "double con-chair-to" on D-Von while Buh Buh Ray is arguing with the ref, but D-Von ducks, and they end up smacking their chairs together, which has got to make your hands sting. Buh Buh Ray tags in and takes charge, allowing D-Von to get what JR refers to as "a shot down south" on Edge. D-Von leaves the ring to get a table. The crowd is just going insane. The Dudleyz go for the 3-D on Christian, but Edge interrupts with a spear to keep things going. Edge and Christian mock the Dudley Boyz by trying their own "shot down south," but Buh Buh Ray reverses it so that Edge headbutts his own partner's crotch. Insert your own joke here. The Dudleyz get the 3-D on Edge, and then D-Von covers and pins. The Dudleyz are the new Tag Team Champs.
Earlier today, Drew Carey arrived at the arena. I think that he's accompanied by Dom Irrera, but I'm not sure. The announcers let us know that Drew is there to talk to Vince about how to sell a Pay Per View, since Drew has one coming up week.
On Sunday Night Heat just before the Pay Per View, Vince clears up the controversy regarding whether or not Triple H provoked Stone Cold on Smackdown! and thus lost his chance to go for the WWF Title tonight. Vince says that Angle interfered, and Triple H stuck to the spirit of the ruling, if not the letter, so he will still get his shot tonight. As if we were all worried about it.
Royal Rumble Pay Per View
Stephanie and Triple H discuss Hunter's match tonight. Stephanie says that she will be ringside to prevent Trish from interfering. There's a knock at the door -- it's Drew Carey! I dont know why I was so excited about that. Drew is looking for Vince. Stephanie doesn't know where Vince is, but she directs Drew to Trish Stratus' dressing room, since Drew is such a "ladies' man." Drew asks if Trish is dating anyone, and Steph says that she isn't. Steph leaves to show Drew the way.
The Acolytes are playing poker and drinking beer backstage. They decide to show each other their Royal Rumble numbers, to big laughs. Crash Holly enters to let the Acolytes know that even though they are friends, he will eliminate them from the Rumble if he has to.
After all of that, it's finally time for the Intercontinental Title Match, which will involve ladders. Chris Jericho versus Chris Benoit. Ladders. I can't wait. There's a long clip package of all the interaction these two have had in the WWF. Jericho and Benoit both make their entrances, but theres no interview with Jericho, to my disappointment. JR explains that the Intercontinental Title Belt is suspended from the ring, and the winner will be the one who sets up the ladder, climbs it, and retrieves the belt. Benoit is the first to get to the ladder, and he places it ringside and then shoves it into the ring. After beating Jericho and leaving him for dead outside the ring, Benoit puts up and begins climbing the ladder. Jericho follows him up, and does an "Electric Chair" -- Benoit ends up on Jericho's shoulders, and Jericho drops him backwards. Jericho picks up the ladder and starts using it on Benoit's face and gut. Benoit later tosses Jericho face-first into the ladder. Jericho ends up outside the ring, and Benoit decides to leap over the top rope and land on Jericho -- except that Jericho is holding a chair and Benoit ends up going into the chair headfirst. Man, that was loud. Benoit really knows how to sell the chairshot. A bit later, Benoit rams Jericho's head with the ladder, and Jericho clearly and obviously puts his hands up so that it doesn't hurt his pretty face. Or maybe I'm projecting. There are a lot of "being on the ladder while it's falling" and "hitting your opponent with the ladder" spots. I don't mean to gloss them over, because they are amazing, but you really have to see them to appreciate them. Jericho starts to climb the ladder, going for the belt, but Benoit grabs him and dumps Jericho over the top rope. With Jericho out of the ring, Benoit starts climbing the ladder. Jericho makes it back into the ring and follows him up, eventually getting a submission hold on Benoit on top of the ladder. Sweet fancy Moses, that was cool. Jericho dumps Benoit off the ladder and reaches for the belt, but Benoit pushes the ladder over. Benoit gets the Crippler Crossface on Jericho, but there are no submissions in this match. Later, Benoit attempts a headbutt from the top of the ladder, but Jericho rolls out of the way. Jericho sets the ladder right on top of Benoit in an attempt to pin Benoit while he climbs, but Benoit pushes the ladder over and Jericho falls on the turnbuckle. I love when they use the camera attached to the belt! Benoit starts climbing, but Jericho uses a chair on Benoit before pushing the ladder over so that Benoit flips out of the ring. Jericho sets the ladder up and really sells his injured left arm while climbing. But he makes it to the top and gets the belt to become the new Intercontinental champ. Wow. That was an awesome match.
Royal Rumble Pay Per View
Backstage, Drew Carey is chatting up Trish Stratus. Trish says that she is "involved with someone," but Drew tries to convince her that he would be the better man. Vince walks in. Drew, not knowing about Vince and Trish, talks about his Pay Per View. Vince says that the best way to promote Drew's Pay Per View would be if Drew participated in tonight's Royal Rumble. Drew is anxious about getting hurt, but Vince assures him that it will be fun, with no injuries. Drew agrees to participate. I bet hijinks will ensue.
Billy Gunn is trying to convince Chyna that she shouldn't wrestle Ivory tonight. Chyna is having none of it. The world yawns.
Michael Cole interviews Chris Jericho, who gives props to Benoit for a tough match. Jericho says that he proved Benoit wrong, which means that this feud will continue.
up is the Women's Championship match between Chyna and Ivory. Is it a good or bad thing that Chyna is back to wrestling other women? Let's look at what led up to this match. Val Venis gave Chyna a "career-ending" spike piledriver. Chyna cried during an interview discussing the future of her career. Ivory mocked her. Ivory challenged Chyna to a match, and Chyna accepted. Now, it's time for the match. Ivory and Steven Richards come down to the ring first. Chyna comes out with her grenade-launcher or whatever that thing is. Chyna takes control, tossing Ivory around the ring. The dumb thing about this match is that the WWF thinks that we couldn't accept Ivory beating on Chyna, but we can accept Chris Jericho beating on Kane. Whatever. Chyna does her roundoff back handspring to the corner move, and then collapses to the mat. Ivory covers her for the win. Then there's a big sell of Chyna's injuries, even though she did nothing. Like, if they want us to believe that Chyna has reinjured herself, couldn't they have set it up so that it happened during a move where she might have gotten hurt? Lawler runs into the ring to check on Chyna. Billy Gunn runs out to help her. They signal for EMTs. Chyna tries to look scared. The whole thing is dumb, boring, and a waste of time. Clearly, Chyna needed some time off to promote her new book. Lawler comes back to the announce table as they wheel Chyna out. Lawler says that Chyna was unable to speak. JR tries to make up a reason for the injury, but he can't. Lawler uses his "normal" voice to really sell it.
Steph runs into Trish in the dressing room, and threatens her. Trish is not scared.
Tiger Ali Singh and Lo-Down are arguing over which of them will get to be in the Rumble. Lo-Down won a match on Heat, which awarded them one spot in the Rumble. While they argue, Vince walks in and tells them that their spot has been taken away and given to Drew Carey. They're pissed.
Royal Rumble Pay Per View
Triple H stares into a mirror and snorts to get fired up for his match. Ew! Look at his backne! Clearly, he's been juicing up during his recent downtime.
Kurt Angle walks to the ring while slapping himself in the face to get psyched up. At least, I guess that's why he was slapping himself.
Let's take a look at the clip package to see how this came to be. Angle brags about being the Champ. Triple H says that Angle is only the Champ because Triple H has allowed it. Vince announces that Triple H is the number one contender. Angle announces that, since Steph won't be in his corner during the match, he has contracted Trish Stratus to be in his corner. Vince scolds Trish, and Trish says that she deserves a spanking. Oh, dear God. Steph gets pissed and says that she is the dominant female in the WWF, not Trish. Triple H and Angle battle while Stephanie and Trish roll around and pull each other's hair.
Triple H and Stephanie come down to the ring first. I don't like Triple H's new entrance music (not that anyone asked me). Angle and Trish make their way to the ring. This match is all about psychology, not high-flying moves, so it's pretty boring to describe. Plus, we're all just waiting for the inevitable Steph-Trish altercation outside the ring. Triple H fixates on Angle's left knee, working it over via a variety of moves. Triple H gets a Figure Four Leg Lock on Angle. Trish crawls into the ring to try to break it up, and Stephanie comes over to stop her. A catfight ensues. Stephanie mounts Trish and bitch-slaps her a few times. Vince comes down to try to break it up. Meanwhile, is anything going on in the ring? Vince ends up picking up Trish and trying to carry her out. Stephanie follows and knocks them both down. Vince manages to herd both ladies backstage, fighting all the way. They finally cut back to the ring, where Triple H is watching the shenanigans while Angle gets to recover a bit. Angle gets a Moonsault on Triple H that is just amazing -- who knew Angle could fly like that? Unfortunately, it's not enough for the pin. Referee Earl Hebner gets knocked out. Angle pins Triple H, but the ref is not there to count it. Triple H gets the Pedigree on Angle, and then the pin, but Hebner is still knocked out, and when Triple H goes out to check on Hebner, Stone Cold Steve Austin runs in. Austin beats the crap out of Triple H. Austin revives Hebner and tosses him in the ring. When Triple H starts to revive, Austin gives him the Stunner. Angle wakes up and crawls over to Triple H for the cover. Finally, Hebner wakes up and slowly counts the pin. Angle retains the title, thanks to Austin. Triple H is busted wide open. He wakes up and angrily makes his way backstage, looking for Austin.
Rikishi has number thirty for the Rumble, meaning he will be the last man to enter.
The Undertaker is ready to Rumble as well.