Han

C.J. and Leo are walking along, discussing a North Korean pianist who's going to be playing for the President. C.J. wonders if he's any good; Leo wonders who can tell one classical pianist from another. C.J.: "The President." Leo: "So he claims." Leo comments that since the guy is North Korean, Leo can't imagine how he even learned to play: "Their music's all hymns to the barley harvest...not that they ever have one." C.J.: "Too busy processing plutonium to feed anybody." Leo: "[That's] why they're a rogue state." There's the CliffsNotes version; no troubling details or dimension. C.J. complains, "'Rogue state.' Makes them sound raffishly charming. Should be 'thug state,' 'psycho state.'" That sorta talk don't wash in diplomatic circles. Also, C.J., Jane Fonda called and she wants her Klute haircut back. Leo says they'll ask the UN to designate it as such. C.J.: "Punk state, that's what they are -- a bunch of punks." Leo adds that they're a bunch of punks who might have six nuclear warheads. C.J. tells a hallway full of photographers that they'll be ready in a minute. She goes back to telling Leo that he could obliterate Australia, but that he'd still be just a punk. As they enter the Oval Office, Leo says, "Good opener. Use that." This? Is not promising.

In the Oval Office, POTUS is regaling the North Korean pianist and his entourage with tales of Jed's uselessness with pianos: "I could read okay, and I could get the fingering down, but I should have been sent to rhythm prison." The pianist -- a tall, dignified, bald young man -- listens politely while Jed keeps blathering over the translator's efforts to convey his message, as if this is the first time he's ever spoken to someone through a translator. What's with that? Yes, simultaneous translation and all, but this just comes across as sort of pushy and rude. They're not debating borders; they're greeting each other for the first time, and making small talk. POTUS: "What I did to the 'Appassionata'...war criminals can't get near the Hague. I have to stay out of Vienna." Yeah, this routine's going over big. The pianist just gazes at him, then allows a minimal smile when he gets the translation. Jed mutters that it's more amusing in English. How would he know, actually? Maybe it's friggin' hilarious in Korean, and the guy's just not given to guffawing. Leo comments to C.J.: "Marginally." Jed introduces Leo and C.J. The pianist asks if Leo and C.J. play piano, too. Leo says he doesn't. C.J. says she can play "Chopsticks." Whoops! Awkward cultural moment. The translator (who's wearing a military uniform and has more of the air of a guard than an assistant) tells the pianist what she said, and she adds, "A beginner's piece." Jed looks slightly uncomfortable, as does most everyone else. C.J. elaborates, "With an incredibly insensitive name. I'm sorry." Well, I'll bet in North Korea they probably play a beginner's piece called "Sporks."

C.J. goes to get the photographers, reminding them that there are no questions, only pictures. They file in and start taking pictures as Jed and the still-nameless pianist shake hands. Jed gives the official welcome and blah blah cultural exchangecakes. The pianist speaks in Korean, and the translator tells everyone that he thanks the President and praises the "dear" North Korean leader, to whom all glory flows, and for whom he wishes good health and longevity. Jed: "Really? time he's overseas, [it'd] be nice if Yo-Yo Ma said that." The photographers chuckle politely. As C.J. ushers the photographers out, Leo asks the pianist if he'll be going sightseeing. The translator says, "We will visit Lincoln's memorial, commemorating the shameful practice of slavery; the Vietnam wall of death." Leo: "Uh-huh." They're about to leave, when the pianist pulls a couple of CDs out of his pocket, offering (in hesitant English) to sign one as a gift. Jed: "Great." The pianist turns his back to his bodyguard, and signs the CD on Jed's desk. Jed accepts the gift, saying, "I'll treasure this. Thank you." The pianist replies: "Pleasure...all mine." They leave as Jed pulls out his glasses to read the inscription. Leo comments: "Sweet kid." C.J.: "The handlers are a lot of laughs. Bet they can pretty much transform any place into their own little wall of death." Jed's looking all serious over the top of his glasses and tells Leo and C.J.: "This isn't an autograph...it's a message." And this isn't storytelling...it's spoonfeeding. He shows them the CD, on which the pianist has printed, "I WISH TO DEFECT!" Leo makes his "aw, holy hell" face, and C.J. looks surprised. Jed takes off his glasses and raises his head, settling it on his neck in that majestic, Presidential-dilemma kind of way he has.

After the credits and commercials, Jed, C.J., and Leo are all still in the Oval Office, and Leo says, "This is complicated." Jed tells him to call in all the relevant agencies and find out what they're talking about. C.J. says that the pianist is back for rehearsal and sound check at 2:30. Jed says, "We behave normally, like this isn't happening." Leo asserts that it may not be happening. C.J. doesn't understand. Jed explains that they've been in secret negotiations with North Korea in Geneva for the last three weeks regarding nuclear weapons. Leo: "This guy defects, everybody goes home." Jed says they don't know that, and that they need to find out. C.J., alarmed: "But we're not turning him away?" Jed: "Of course not." Leo says for the third time, "It's complicated." C.J. and Leo leave. Is it just me, or is C.J. wearing a lot more eyeliner than usual? Between the eyeliner and the haircut, it's a little bit '80s-era Joan Jett. Just a bit. (Hey, there's a slash couple for ya.)

Josh and Donna are walking along, Josh telling her that Congressman Thiele needs to come in before the confirmation vote. The Senate is voting at noon; the House is voting at 4:00 PM: "Get him in after the Punch and Judy show." Donna -- who's wearing a red top with flirty little cap sleeves -- remarks "The citizenry would be comforted knowing that's how you refer to the President's economic advisors." Josh says that the citizenry doesn't have to sit in a room with them. Donna inquires about Thiele, and Josh says he's voting against "Bingo" Bob: "The vote's going to be 534 to 1." Donna: "Squeaker like this, I can see why you want to squeeze him." Josh figures that the press will be all over a sole "no" vote, and that Thiele will be all over the talk shows discussing why Russell's a lousy choice for VP. ["I think he's at least as good a choice as Tim Matheson -- Mrs. Brady thought so, anyway." -- Wing Chun] Donna reminds Josh he thinks Russell is a lousy choice, too. Josh doesn't want anybody saying it out loud. Josh says he either has to bring Thiele over or get ten other guys to vote "no." The latter's probably easier.

Donna asks, "So if I tell you something, could you try not to be so you about it?" Seems like Donna has a bit more eye makeup on, too. Maybe they've all been crying over the scripts, and the poor makeup person has to hide their reddened eyes. The red colour of Donna's top looks absolutely wonderful on her. She really should just dispense with the pastels. Donna explains that she's taking her aunt and uncle from Wisconsin on a tour of the White House later today: "And I'd rather not go through an entire morning of cheesehead jokes, which are beneath you anyway..." Josh immediately interjects, "Know what's the state bird of Wisconsin? The Muenster. The state motto? 'Live brie or die.' It narrowly beat out 'You can have my wheel of cheddar when you pry it out of my cold, dead, stinky fingers.'" That got big laughs from Frink. Before you inundate NBC with complaints about anti-Wisconsinism, it may be helpful to remember that Brad Whitford is from Wisconsin. On the other hand, Miss Alli's excellent article may assuage some Midwestern viewers' disturbed dander and makes for some mighty fine reading, too.

Josh leaves Donna looking dismayed as he walks into his office and finds Swimtern sitting at his desk, reading a memo. Swimtern comments, "Drag about the unemployment numbers, huh?" Josh: "You're going to be added to them if you don't get out from behind my desk." Swimtern gets out of the chair, and Josh reminds Swimtern that he has an office, and orders him not to read Josh's memo. I have a nice shiny Canadian quarter for anyone who can give me a good reason why Jesse Bradford's on this show, or this role exists at all. No, "eye candy" doesn't count -- not with that hairdo and the horrible prep-school style of dressing. ["Plus, interns get their own offices?" -- Wing Chun] Swimtern complains that he can't learn anything from Josh if he's across the street. Josh tells him: "Here's a lesson: ask permission before you do stuff." Ah, the mordant dialogue, it's a thing of beauty, is it not? Josh takes off again, prompting Swimtern to ask where he's going and whether he may come along. Josh is going to the meeting with the economic advisors, and the answer is no. But he commends Swimtern on his asking skills. Somebody please hook Swimtern up with Elsie Snuffin and let them go off and breed useless little bores somewhere. And we don't need to see any of this onscreen, either, lest anyone mistake my request. Just send them off to Mandyville and be done with it.

Will knocks on the door to the Oval Office and Jed, in the middle of a phone conversation, waves him in. Jed hangs up and says, "Parlous. It's like I was talking to John C. Calhoun." Jed cuts to the chase and tells Will that the speech announcing Russell as VPOTUS needs more "altitude." He wants it to be "loftier." He asks, "If I don't sound enthused, how do we expect the country to get excited about this guy?" Jed asserts that Will's not very excited about him. Will: "Oh, no...I mean, sure...I mean, I'm not not excited about him." Jed says that the speech reads the way Will just sounded: "Let's take the equivocation out of it."

Toby and Leo are walking through the halls as Toby states that Will's working out: "The President loved the Zoey speech." The one he mangled himself with all the Biblical references? Leo says they all did. Toby tells Leo he's going to start doing other things. Leo: "What other things?" Toby: "We're drifting." Leo says they've had some stuff to deal with. Toby: "Which has left us kind of drifting. We need to refocus, get back on message." He says he'll start on that, "since Will's working out." Leo points out that Jed's not crazy about the draft of the Russell speech.

Toby and Leo go into the Roosevelt Room as POTUS also arrives. As the meeting begins, Jed asks for the bad news. Larry says that there are some troubling indicators. Things are heading south, pursuant to Zoey's abduction and the bombing in Turkey. Larry says, "Signs indicate we could be sliding toward..." He glances at Josh, to him, and says, "...bagel." Josh explains that they use that word to avoid saying the R-word. The guy at the end of the table -- someone I don't remember ever seeing and who will henceforth be known as EOTT (end of the table) Guy -- helpfully adds, "Recession." Isn't Toby going to say "Then go outside, turn around three times, and spit! What the hell's the matter with you?" Talk about drifting. Jed says, "What I need is your recommendation for keeping us out of..." He turns to Leo and asks, "I really don't have to call it that, do I?" Leo says that of course he doesn't. He continues, "For keeping us out of a...thing." EOTT Guy says they do nothing: "The tech bubble led to over-investment. This is a normal correction." Some other guy says they don't know that. EOTT Guy says, "Bubbles burst. That's why they're called 'bubbles.'" Toby suggests telling that to the 1.2 million people who just lost their jobs. Josh: "Phone 'em. They're home." Hee. EOTT Guy says that a reduction of twenty-five basis points will stop the bleeding. The "some other guy" guy says they can't just leave it to the Fed: "It will look like we're asleep at the switch." Larry suggests a stimulus package. EOTT Guy sneers at increasing the deficit. Bartlet looks sort of bored and annoyed, and Leo notes this. Some Other Guy Guy suggests a temporary increase in the standard deduction. Jed says, "Which helps not at all the bottom 40% of wage earners who don't pay income tax! We have to stop, or I'm going to start shooting people, starting with myself." He gets up and says, "I asked for a recommendation, not a debate. Wake me when there's a consensus." He leaves, and Leo grouses, "What's the matter with you guys? Man's got a Nobel in this." Leo departs for another meeting.

Leo goes into the Mural Room and meets with three guys we've never seen before, one of whom Frink thinks seems like he could be Fitz's father. I think he means personality-wise, more than looks-wise. We don't get names for any of these guys, frustratingly for the recapper -- but then again, when we do get names, they're always Mike and Chris and so forth. So I'm just going to call these three Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, in the order that they speak. Shadrach says, "You don't blow a negotiation of this magnitude over some kid. I don't care if he plays Schubert with his feet." Meshach says it violates international law. Abednego says it violates U.S. law. Leo wants to deal with one thing at a time. Shadrach assures him that they're not simply talking about a freeze, but an agreement involving hundreds of sensors and inspectors on the ground. He believes they'll keep this agreement because of their relationship with the Chinese, who are concerned that the North Korean nuclear program will finally push the Japanese to develop the bomb: "The Koreans screw around this time, they piss off the only ally they have left." Leo asks, "This is that serious, they're going to blow it over some piano player?" Shadrach says it's the most unpredictable regime in the world, and that walking out could be the least they'd do. Leo, upset: "They'd shell Seoul over this?" Shadrach wonders if he wants to find out.

C.J. knocks and comes in. Meshach's turn: he keeps insisting it's against the law. Abednego cites chapter and verse of U.S. law on the matter. Shadrach argues that the pianist is "the most privileged guy in the entire country" (which strikes me as highly unlikely) and sneers at the idea that he faces persecution if returned. Abednego states that the penalty for attempted defection in North Korea is death. Shadrach says he's only in trouble if the North Koreans find out. Leo asks C.J. if there are any straws in the wind. She says it appears to be locked down for now and her office is monitoring it. Abednego warns them that if this gets out, it's game over. Meshach: "This conversation gets out..." C.J. asks, "And we're comfortable with that?" C.J., nobody cares what you're comfortable with, and no one ever has, unless it serves their purposes to care or to appear to care. Politics is about what's expedient. Get a new job, honey. Shadrach: "Can we get back to the real world? The North Koreans are peddling their missile technology all over the Middle East. And sensors on the border have picked up elevated levels of krypton 85. They are making plutonium, they can get it onto warheads, and their best customers are the people who hate us. Why are we still talking about this?" Meshach doesn't see how they can avoid the legal issues. C.J.: "I don't see how you can send someone back to the bleakest place left on the planet after he tells you he doesn't want to go!" I think there's a hell of a lot of competition for "bleakest place left on the planet." Leo: "C.J." Shadrach: "It's not that bleak. The DMZ is beautiful. It's like a nature preserve. Endangered black-faced spoonbills, Amur leopards..." C.J. asks, "What's your point?" Shadrach: "That I know more about this than you do." Leo interjects, "The legal issues?" Shadrach says the sucker doesn't know his rights; it's a non-problem. Except he doesn't call him a sucker, exactly, but he might as well have. C.J. looks very uncomfortable. Shadrach says it's a big problem if the pianist tells anyone else, and asks where he is now. C.J. says he's sightseeing. Shadrach tells them not to let him back in the building. That doesn't look like it sits well with C.J. and Abednego. Shadrach continues, "Well, the good news is, his handlers don't let him out of their sight. Today, it's like they're working for us." C.J. can't help it: "Our very own totalitarian helpmates." Collect 'em all! She just keeps looking down as Leo excuses himself and Shadrach glares at her. At the door, he calls her outside.

In the hall, Leo asks what C.J. is doing. C.J.: "'Don't let him back in the building?'" Leo says they have to consider all angles. C.J. says that POTUS said he's not sending him back. Can she really still be this nave? Frink: "I'm surprised she has any ideals left at all." Leo: "My job is to present him with options. Your job, at the moment, is to butt out." She replies, "We've certainly come a long way from 'Give me your tired, your poor.' If we don't allow this defection, if we blithely exploit this young man's ignorance, then I don't know who we are anymore." She takes off in a huff. Leo looks like he vaguely remembers a time when that would have bothered him.

Will's in his office working when Toby drops by to tell him that the speech about Russell needs to go on the TelePrompter by 2:00 PM. Will says he has altitude sickness. He explains that the President wants more "altitude," but that Will is having conscience issues. Toby: "I'm sure you've had to say things you haven't meant before...read friends' poetry, had...girlfriends." He says the last part as if he's not entirely sure Will's ever had a girlfriend, but it's more likely just Toby's discomfort with sticking his nose into colleagues' personal lives. Will says he could use some help. Toby sighs: "Just hold your nose and hype him." Will says that POTUS hated the draft: "My self-confidence is down around my ankles." Toby, exasperated: "Well, hitch it up and start typing! Come on! Clackety-clack." He makes typing gestures with his fingers. For some reason, I find this amusing. I could be desperate, though. Will is disappointed to realize that Toby's not going to help. Toby says he has things to do.

Press briefing. A reporter (Lyle) asks C.J. for Jai Yung Ahn's impressions of his first visit to America. C.J. says that Lyle would have to ask him: "But I can tell you, his impression of our buffet table seemed favourable." Katie asks if there's any concern that this sort of cultural exchange confers legitimacy on the repressive North Korean government. You know, I'm at the point where I buy Katie as a reporter way more than most actual reporters. C.J. gives her a canned response about hoping that such things help bring light to such places, nudging them toward more open policies. Katie asks if the pianist is allowed to go wherever he pleases. C.J.: "Well, his mother didn't want him hitting any strip clubs, but as far as I know, he's seeing the sights even as we speak." Another guy -- who, I'm pretty sure, played a doctor on a recent episode of Joan of Arcadia, which I might add, is a lot more entertaining than this show has been this season -- asks if they're moving into a recession. C.J. gives the economic definition for a recession and says that it's not the case right now. Lyle asks her how she would characterize the state of the economy; C.J. quickly replies, "I wouldn't." The reporter who first asked about it wonders what word the administration would use to characterize the economy: "Slowdown, downturn, torpor..." C.J.: "'Torpor'?" Someone starts to tell her what it means and she says, "I know what it means -- I'm feeling a little coming on now, in fact." You, too? We drift along to where Leo's watching the briefing on the monitor in his office, and fade away from the briefing.

Toby continues, "'Distinguished' is as high as we go. You'd have to be high to go loftier. Here's what it should be: 'In a triumph of the middling, a nod to mediocrity, and with gorge rising, it gives me great nausea to announce Robert Russell -- "Bingo" Bob, himself -- as your new Vice-President.'" Will has been typing madly to get all this and adds, "'This lapdog of the mining interests is as dull as he is unremarkable.'" Toby: "'...as lacklustre as he is soporific...this reversion to the mean....'" Will: "'...this rebuke to the exemplary...'" Toby concludes: "'...gives hope to the millions unfavored by the exceptional...the Vice-Presidency being famously once described as not being 'worth a warm bucket of spit,' let's now hock a big loogie for Bob Russell! Not the worst; not the best. Just what we're stuck with.'" Heh. Frink says, "And now he'll be standing at the door behind them." Me: "Either that, or this will get on the TelePrompter." I tend to think the latter, since they've mentioned the prompter several times during the episode. Plus, they keep showing us the words being typed on Will's screen. Just so we know he really, really typed them in there, and wasn't just clacking away on the keyboard typing "I wish Sam were here," over and over again. Either way, I'm sending the bill for my concussion to John Wells. Will adds an "Amen" to it all, and Toby bounces his ball on the floor, asking, "Where were we?" Will says, "'This distinguished choice...'" Toby: "'This redoubtable choice'...it's perfect, nobody knows what it means."

Richie Rich secretly puts in a call to Thiele. We don't hear what he says, but I suspect he's threatening to reveal their secret love affair if Thiele doesn't fall into line.

Jai Yung Ahn is rehearsing when Jed comes in with Leo and an official photographer. Jed comments to the guard, "I love this Chopin. Fooled with it myself but could never quite get the fingering down." As Jed goes up onto the stage where Jai Yung Ahn is playing, Leo explains to the guard that the White House photographer is going to take some pictures of the two of them together. On cue, the photographer, trying to get the shot, says, "Excuse me, Leo." Leo turns and innocently asks, "Oh, am I in the way?" He steps aside, gently sweeping Jai Yung Ahn's handlers along with him. Leo tries to chat them up as the handler keeps glancing over at Jai Yung Ahn and POTUS.

We cut to POTUS, who turns his back to the audience and says, "I'm sorry to say, I cannot let you defect. Do you understand me?" Jai Yung Ahn's playing slows a little, and POTUS says, "You have to keep playing." He keeps playing. Jed walks around to Jai Yung Ahn's left side and sits down on the bench to him. Quietly, Jed tells him: "There's an important nuclear agreement being worked out. Do you understand my English?" Jai Yung Ahn turns and gives him a somewhat pained look, but says nothing. Would POTUS really tell him about the negotiations over nuclear weapons? That seems like a huge risk. Jed and the guard glance at each other. Jai Yung Ahn says, "I try to stay...you arrest me?" Jed says, "No." Jai Yung Ahn: "You give me back to them." Jed: "No." Why the hell should he believe that? I'm sure he believed he'd be helped if he asked for asylum. And that's working out really swell for him. Jed says, "Freedom means choice. You must decide which is the most responsible course." Oh, sure. Put it back on him, and hope he makes the decision you're too weak to make yourself. How gutless. Oh, well, you've got Zoey back. To heck with this kid. Jai Yung Ahn asks, "You know Korean word han?" Jed does not. Leo's held the guards at bay as long as he can, and now they're up on the stage. Jai Yung Ahn has stopped playing and Jed remarks brightly, "I could practice the fingering every day for the rest of my life; I'd never be able to play it like that." Jai Yung Ahn says to Jed, "It is...this..." He starts playing a fairly sad melody as Jed listens with a heavy heart.

Oval Office. Shadrach is trying to convince Jed to cancel the concert. Jed refuses. Leo says that Jed doesn't even know if Jai Yung Ahn understood him. Jed: "His English is better than he lets on." Leo insists Jed doesn't know if he understood his English, never mind his meaning. Jed refuses to cancel the concert. Shadrach asks, "Sir, you're not positive if he got it or not?" Jed isn't. Leo tells him he needs to come down with some flu. That shouldn't start up the MS rumour machine at all. Jed says, "We cancel the concert, it's a red flag. I told him 'freedom means choice.' My choice is to trust in his decision." Leo sighs and tell Shadrach, "Get things ready in case it goes the other way." Shadrach leaves. Leo glares at Jed: "It's a crapshoot." Jed: "The negotiations are a crapshoot. Whole damn job's a crapshoot." Well, that's...insightful. Sheesh.

Josh is watching the vote in his office. He's stunned when Thiele votes "aye." As he walks out of his office, Donna has someone named Dory Macklin from the Post on the phone for him. Josh says to tell her, "Never mind."

Josh rounds the corner and sees Leo down the hall. Leo nods at him, pleased; in response, Josh lifts his fists up near in his shoulders in a victory gesture. When Josh catches up with Leo at Margaret's desk, Leo says it was nice work and asks how he got Thiele to turn. Josh doesn't really know. They go into Leo's office and Leo says: "We have a Vice-President. I may actually sleep tonight." Josh: "Really?" Leo admits, "Probably not."

Rose Garden. Jed begins his speech, with "Bingo" Bob at his side: "It's with surpassing pleasure and pride that I announce that Congress, just a short time ago, voted to confirm Robert Russell as the new Vice-President of these United States. Confirmed by unanimous vote, as befits this distinguished choice. In a triumph of the..." He hesitates, not believing what he sees on the prompter, which is of course, "...a triumph of the middling, a nod to mediocrity, and with gorge rising, it gives me great nausea..." You know the rest. POTUS is forced to improvise, and as we know, improvisation is not his strongest suit. He continues, making it up like crazy: "In a triumph of the meritorious, Bob Russell is someone I have come to know, trust, and immeasurably respect over the past five years of our working together..." Toby and Will are confused about what's going on, and of course, Russell can see what's on the prompter, too. He doesn't react much, but glances at Toby and Will. Jed carries on: "...as have all of us here at the White House. His estimable legislative record is but one facet of his laudable public service to his country, service that now ascends to an even loftier level, as he assumes his new responsibilities as Vice-President: Mr. Robert Russell." The crowd applauds. Now, here's the thing: if I had just come into the show at this point, I would have wondered slightly about Martin Sheen's halting delivery of these lines, but other than that, I frankly wouldn't have noticed much, if any, difference between that and most of the other speeches featured on the show for the last couple of years. Sad, no?

Toby and Will leave the Rose Garden and Will says, "I'm gonna get fired." Well, that is a pretty dumb-ass move. So dumb-ass that it's completely and utterly implausible. Toby says that nobody's getting fired. Will says he's the new guy and that they'll make an example of his: "Put my head on a pike on the South Lawn." Toby insists that he won't get fired. They go into Toby's office and there's "Bingo" Bob behind them, for the inevitable confrontation, in which he makes it clear just how incredibly aware he is of his public image, in addition to the fact that he's all on board about doing something about that. He stands at the door and says, "Gentlemen." Toby sighs and they both look sheepish. Toby begins apologizing and VPOTUS Lumbergh says, "Yeah, I'm gonna need you to go forward with a copy of that speech...." Actually, he just asks for a copy. Toby, surprised, says there are no copies: "We've shredded...." Will: "Wiped hard drives...we're considering putting out our own eyes." VPOTUS says, in a fairly humourless way, "Find one. Send it to my office. I thought it was hilarious." Toby smiles, confused: "Hilarious, sir?" VPOTUS: "I know my public profile, my political persona. I'm just glad to see there's such a keen awareness of the scale of the job you've all got ahead of you. I'm part of the team now, which makes this all pretty much your problem. Good luck with it." He leaves them there, dumsquizzled.

Josh is walking along with Swimtern, bragging about getting Thiele on board, and advocating a hard-ass approach. Swimtern says that's not really his style: "I'm more the get-more-bees-with-honey type." Bees? Don't you get flies with honey? Amy flounces through, walking between them with a big file folder to conceal her abdomen. I notice she seems to be wearing something with big shoulder pads in it, I suppose to try to make her look more balanced -- not that that ever, ever works. Take it from a narrow-shouldered, wide-hipped girl who lived through the '80s. Josh stares after her and Swimtern asks, "So what's the deal there? Boyfriend/girlfriend, friends with 'privileges'?" Josh isn't really listening; he's distracted by the trail of Amy. Josh looks at him and asks, "What?" in a really distracted way. Swimtern says, "Something's going on."

Jed (in a tux) and Charlie (in a suit) are in the Residence kitchen. Love this kitchen. Jed takes some juice out of the fridge as he asks, "You like Chopin, Charlie?" Charlie replies, "If I say I've never heard any, am I gonna get a life history of the guy and a shopping list?" Shouldn't that be Chopin Liszt? Ah, shaddup. Like the show's so much funnier. Jed mutters, "You'll thank me one day." Charlie replies, "I'll thank you now, sir, but could you hold off? I'm still working through the fourteen discs of Bach you made me buy last year." Right after he gave you a big fat raise, right? Right? Jed: "The Well-Tempered Clavier?" Charlie: "Both books." Jed: "You know what that means?" Charlie says that Jed already told him what "tempered" means. Jed asks him to research the price of a gallon of milk. Charlie replies, "Two dollars and sixty-nine cents. Two eighty-nine in Georgetown, and $2.54 with a coupon from the paper." Maybe things are different in the U.S. but I can't recall ever seeing a coupon for milk. Most stores tend to sell it at a loss to draw customers in. Jed asks Charlie to make sure everyone knows that tomorrow.

We cut to...Gail! Gail, swimming in her little bowl. Aw. I hope that's the original Gail. Not just storyline-wise, as in the one Danny gave C.J., but the actual original goldfish actor. I like the idea that somebody's kept her alive all these years, though I don't think I've ever seen "goldfish wrangler" on the credits. C.J.'s in her office, and we can hear Jai Yung Ahn playing. She's wearing the blue and white Armani gown she wore at the end of "Galileo." Man, it's a regular continuity fest in this short scene. Much as I like seeing C.J. in new formal outfits, and while this isn't my favourite of hers, it's a little more believable that, now and then, she'd have to repeat outfits. She's not Madonna; she's a girl on a budget. I don't think this dress looks that good on her anymore; it makes her look heavier than she is -- and she's anything but heavy. It's almost a little dowdy on her. She's slumped in her chair, looking at Jai Yung Ahn's CD, and looking sad.

Josh is tying his bowtie in his office when Donna comes to the door and says, "Thank you for earlier." Josh says her aunt and uncle were perfectly nice people. Donna comes in, saying, "I meant when I went into that whole diet/economics harangue." That was a "harangue"? Josh calls it "quite an oratorio." She starts fixing his bowtie as she looks down demurely and admits, "I was showing off and it was ridiculous and you didn't make fun of me and I appreciate it." Josh says, "You know, the President made almost the exact same basic point this afternoon." Donna, futzing with his tie: "Very funny." Josh insists that it's true, and calls it "uncanny." Donna seems to have on a lot more lip gloss than usual. I guess it's okay. Josh adds: "Of course, he left out the whole goofy diet part." Donna: "Don't blow it now." Josh grabs his jacket and leaves, saying, "Perfectly nice people...for residents of the only state that considers 'rind' one of the four major food groups." He does sort of a modified coat flip as he flings his jacket on.

At the concert, Jai Yung Ahn plays with dignity and elegance. We get some blue light on his bald pate. C.J. arrives at the back of the room, carrying what looks like a thick piece of paper or an envelope. Some people thought it was a clutch purse, but it seems way too thin for that. Maybe she's going to slip Jai Yung Ahn a note: "The secret password is 'Shibboleth.'" I wonder what Jed would do if Jai Yung Ahn said that to him out of the blue. Maybe it's C.J.'s resignation letter. I'll be pretty damned surprised if there isn't something along those lines this season. Jed and Leo are in the audience. Jed looks pretty tense.

Outside the performance space, Amy arrives, wearing a low-cut black velvet dress with spaghetti straps and an iridescent white shawl. Her hair is down but pulled back at the sides. She walks up behind Josh, who's standing at the entrance listening to the concert, and says, "Good, I didn't miss it." Josh says there might be thirty or forty seconds left. He stares at her a bit and tells her she looks great. Her hair looks kind of messy, and not in a good way, but otherwise, she looks very pretty. She thanks him and tells him he looks great, too. Josh: "Everyone looks good in a tux; chimps look great." Amy: "With none actually present, I'll have to settle for you." Josh tells her that Swimtern ("of all people") asked him straight out about their relationship: "And I couldn't have avoided the subject more if I had faked a stroke." Amy says, "Cheeky little brat." Josh says that's not the point -- it's that even if he'd wanted to tell Swimtern about it he wouldn't have known what to say. He seems to have forgotten the word "ensorcelled." Or maybe they're just fuckbuddies. Either way, it's not anything I want too much screen time taken up with. Josh continues, "It's like what C.J. said today about the economy: by refusing to put language to it, we're trying to pretend it doesn't exist, but it's something. Even if we don't know what to call it." Amy just gazes at him with her mouth half-open in what I'm sure is supposed to be a romantic or seductive look but which is starting to give me the creeps. Maybe she's just as surprised as I am that Josh is initiating the "where is this going?" talk. Josh continues, "I just think it's time to start thinking about a language plan for whatever it is we're doing, too." Amy just keeps gazing at him. Josh, I suggest you visit the forums, where you will find about twelve hundred choice adjectives for whatever it is you're doing, and a lot of them are going to sound like the speech Toby and Will put on the prompter.