7A WF

Props to Mavman and flotsam9, and shout-out to SpongeBob SherPants.

We're plunged into the turmoil that reigns over the White House following the announcements of Zoey's kidnapping and Bartlet's removal of himself from office, pursuant to the 25th Amendment. Throngs of reporters are doing stories outside the White House as people rush to and fro, inside and out. Grab your motion-sickness medicine: the camera's all over the place, and while it may indeed be intended to convey the general discombobulation everyone's feeling, it's just a bit too much. It's too ER-ish. Really skillful direction and cinematography doesn't distract you so much, doesn't call so much attention to itself. It's Hour Seven of Zoey's disappearance. Will walks over to where Josh and Toby are watching the coverage, and Josh is bitching about King Ralph in response to the qualities some talking head is attributing to the APOTUS (Acting President). Josh cites Walken's support for a $200 billion capital-gains tax cut and his opposition to waiting periods for grenade launchers as particularly problematic areas. Donna wanders in to wonder where Walken's going to sleep, and worries about whether the Bartlets are moving out of the White House. Will points out the Residence has thirteen bedrooms. Donna wonders if Walken gets a portrait. From somewhere in the back I think I hear Ginger ask, "Even if he's only President for a few days?" Will: "I don't think there's a minimum occupancy requirement." Ginger wonders about a Presidential Library. Toby: "He's not going to be here that long." I wonder about the point of having a library to honour a guy who doesn't seem to read a whole hell of a lot. Josh intently watches footage of a press briefing where Bartlet is standing off to the side of the podium, to Big Dan Teague. Josh: "He looks small." Dude, who wouldn't to John Goodman?

Leo asks C.J. whether anyone's heard from the kidnappers, or whether the note has shown up on Aljazeera or Sahafa yet. C.J. says it hasn't; Leo says it will. She wonders if they should release the ransom note. Casper, the Friendly FBI Agent, says that if they don't, the abductors will. Leo says that State has been talking to Islamabad about the prisoners named in the ransom note, and that Islamabad has pledged its full support. Another guy says they're asking the President's permission to issue a BOLO (be on the lookout for) the Bahji sleeper cell they lost track of yesterday. C.J.'s worried: "If we prematurely connect them with Zoey's kidnapping, we deputize every nut with a gun rack." And good gravy, that's a hell of a lot of nuts. Other guy: "They disappeared twenty-four hours before her kidnapping. It's not premature." C.J.: "You want vigilantes with baseball bats assaulting Arab-Americans?" Given the remarks made by President Flintstone in this episode, I'd say that would sit just fine with him, and with quite a lot of other people. But you can come over here and sit with me in the "voices crying in the wind" section, C.J. Plenty of room. Manhunt Guy says, "I want Zoey Bartlet back." They both look at Leo for direction. Leo says, "I'll take it to him."

Casper walks off with Leo, telling him, "The French kid's awake." Good, because I'd like him to be conscious when I start beating the crap out of him. Leo asks if Le Dumb-Ass is answering questions. Casper says he's asking them: "He wants immunity." Oh, for crying out loud. Shut the hell up, Tartuffe.

Casper splits as Margaret catches up with Leo to inform him that numerous heads of state are there. Leo wants to know what all the staffers are doing there; she says they work there. Leo objects that it's 5:30 AM. Margaret will make sure they know that. She says that the Democratic Leadership wants to come over, just as Josh catches up with them to ask whether she'd told Leo that yet. Leo wants to know who called; Josh follows them, naming various people and positions -- leaders and whips and so forth. Leo: "I'm going to need a bigger office." They arrive at the Oval Office, and Leo asks Debbie if "he's still here," or if he's gone to the Residence. Debbie says he's here as she leads Leo into the Oval Office. Leo pauses and tells Josh to tell the Leadership it's going to be a while. Josh says they won't be happy. Leo asks when they ever are. Debbie prompts Leo to get into the office and announces, "Mr. McGarry." Leo approaches the desk slowly and the crowd of unfamiliar people around it parts dramatically to show Walken leaning over some papers on the desk. President Flintstone glances up and beckons with his fingers, "Come on in, Leo." He glances back at his papers and the camera rests on Leo's grim face for a moment. If you don't know it now, you will by the end: this episode belongs to John Spencer. The acting is uniformly excellent, but he carries the show, which features some of the flattest lines and least inspiring writing ever for this series. This episode was decent because Sorkin left a rich storyline in place and because the acting on this show has always elevated even the weakest scripts, but I also see a lot of wasted potential and missed dramatic opportunities in it. Basically, it was like average fanfic.

Jed is standing in front of a stained-glass window. All the scenes in this room in this episode have lighting done in extremes of electric blue and orangey-red. It's a little bit overdone. Abby wanders in to talk to Jed, who's staring out the window. Man, that's a beautiful window. He thought she was sleeping. She asks if there's any word. There isn't. He tells her it's almost 6:30 AM. She says the doctor gave her something. Jed: "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." Jed says that their girls will be there in a few hours, and offers to call for coffee. Abby doesn't respond to that, but says she had a dream about being in Zoey's bedroom at home; Zoey was little, and Abby was holding her. Tears stream down her face. It's kind of maudlin and sadly pointless since it's not really moving at all, being totally devoid of plot- or character-advancing content. Bet Sorkin's shaking his head at that wasted opportunity. If you're going to make up a dream for someone and have them tell it, it should be worth hearing. Jed takes her hand and they stare out the window together. You feel bad for them, but it's not excruciating, and it should be.

C.J. bursts through a door -- not that no one's ever done that on this show before, but even though we're only a few minutes into this, I'm already surprised when it's not a crash cart we see . She's hustling her way to a press briefing attended by Carol. When C.J. asks how she looks, Carol says, "Like you slept in your clothes." This doesn't usually happen to me -- I'm not Ms. Snappy Comeback -- but I instantly heard C.J.'s voice in my head say, "I look like I've slept?" I couldn't believe they just left that line sitting there. But they did. Not to belabour the point too much, but there was an opportunity to inject a tiny bit of levity into an otherwise very heavy episode without trivializing anything. Instead, we get a yappy, unfunny dog. But I'm getting ahead of myself. C.J. just goes into the press briefing -- where the reporters are naturally wound way, way up -- and announces that she's got FBI guys with her. Man, the guest star list for this show just goes on and on. Everybody who's ever appeared on a television drama seems to be in this episode. C.J. says that the FBI's opened a missing-persons file for Zoey Patricia Bartlet and assigned it the control number 7A WF . Hence the awkward title. At least they made it the season opener, so we can refer to it that way. Would they make this file number public? Why? Why would anyone need to know that? Who cares? She explains that the "WF" stands for Washington Field Office. Whatever. A reporter asks how long Walken will be President. C.J. says he'll serve until Bartlet sends the second letter to Congress indicating that he's ready to come back. Another reporter (Chris? Steve? I really can't remember anymore. Four years, people -- and it's not like Sorkin didn't overuse the names) asks about a CNN report claiming that the Fifth Fleet has been ordered into the Persian Gulf; the reporter wants to know whether this is believed to be the work of a foreign government. C.J. says it's too early to speculate about that. Shot of Danny looking annoyed. Another reporter -- whose name I'm almost sure is Chris (only this one is female...yeah, that other guy is Steve) -- wants to know whether Zoey Bartlet has a drug problem. C.J.: "There's a Secret Service agent with a bullet in her head. I think the FBI feels pretty comfortable calling it a kidnapping." C.J. insists that Zoey Bartlet does not have a drug problem. She adds, "However, her judgment about boyfriends is pretty damn suspect." No, she just turns the podium over to Casper.

Casper says that at 3:17 AM, they received what they believe to be a genuine note from Zoey's abductors, demanding the release of three convicted terrorists being held in Pakistan, and the immediate removal of all American forces from Qumar and Saudi Arabia. He adds that they're issuing a BOLO for five individuals last seen in Portland who are wanted for questioning in connection with potential terrorist activities: "They are Yemeni nationals Faruk Salam and Ammat Badir; Tanji Nassaliw and Masood Sheikh Kadallah, both Saudis; and..."Danny glances in C.J.'s direction, but she's not looking at him. It sounds like Casper says "Reginald Saeed," but we cut...

...to Josh and Will, watching in what might be the Roosevelt Room, although the dark orangey-red lighting makes it look more like a nightclub or a fashion show. Josh says, "I'm guessing burqa sales are going to take a little dip this afternoon." What? That's not funny. It doesn't even make sense. God, if people are going to make dumb, reactionary comments, try to at least make them funny. And I'd like it even better if the characters making dumb, reactionary comments weren't the ones we're supposed to admire and respect, but you know, what's the point of yowling for the moon when you can't even get a tallow candle? Will says he's working on remarks for Walken's address to the nation. Donna apologizes for whatever food she's brought up. Josh regards some food product with disdain: "Oatmeal carrot granola?" Probably a muffin. He tosses it aside. Donna asks Toby if Ginger found him. Donna says Andi called and wants Toby to call her at the hospital and check in. Josh asks how the twins are. Having to spend the first twenty-four hours of his children's lives focused on the kidnapping of someone else's daughter should do wonders for Toby's general outlook on life. Toby says they're fine. Josh: "Any photos yet?" Toby: "No. Something came up at work."

In an unusually boring exchange, Will consoles Donna on the eggwich she's eating as Josh announces that he thinks they made a mistake letting POTUS abdicate to King Ralph. Will says the news outlets (CNN, MSNBC, Fox News) are treating it as a seminar in the resiliency of the Constitution. Sorry, but I don't think I believe anyone at Fox News knows a big word like "resiliency." Josh thinks they're just holding off because Zoey's "tied up in the back of a gas station. We have no idea how this is playing." Will: "He showed he's a leader, nobly embracing his own flawed humanity." Josh: "Lincoln and Kennedy has children who died. They didn't take a sabbatical." Sure, but...those kids weren't abducted by people involved in international terrorism, either. Toby asks who's been calling. Josh says it's the Congressional leadership. Toby says Lincoln never got a ransom note from Jefferson Davis and that Bartlet's putting country before family: "I'd carpet-bomb Mecca to get my kids back." Fabulous. I definitely love the direction this show is going, what with putting the most appallingly reactionary comments in the mouth of one of the characters least likely to espouse such views. Not that Sorkin never did this, but it was deplorable then and it still is. Let me just point out that this is exactly the sort of comment featured in hate mail that I received after this article was published. Anyway, Josh has concerns far more pressing than the fact that his esteemed colleague has apparently been possessed by the demon known as Ann Coulter, which is worrying about whether the voters like Walken better: "What if he seems more Presidential? What if they want Walken to stay?" Well, what if they do? Bully for them. It doesn't work that way. Will says that Bartlet just pulls out the second letter in a few days. Josh is worried about what happens if it doesn't take just a few days, but rather, weeks, or months: "What if she's never found?" What? This all seems pretty premature. I think after a couple of weeks had passed either way, Bartlet would probably decide he needed to get back to work, or else he might decide to resign altogether. But there's just too much unknown at the moment to even have a sensible conversation about this. I guess Josh has to fret about something. Josh glances at the TV again and says, "It's a mistake."

Danny catches up with C.J. coming out of the briefing. She tries to give him the bum's rush, but he's insistent. Carol says she sent someone to C.J.'s apartment to get clothes. She must have more people rummaging through her closet... I think I'd keep about half my wardrobe at work if I were her. ["Which reminds me of a recent episode of Oprah in which her private office was renovated, including building her a 'closet' that was about 2/3 the size of the ground floor of my house. I wept when I saw it. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen." -- Wing Chun] C.J. asks for some food. Danny wants to know if there's a connection between Shareef's assassination and Zoey's kidnapping. C.J. reminds them about the deal they made, giving her three days before he went public with this story. He says that was before Zoey was kidnapped, and in return for an exclusive on the five Bahji sleepers the "FBI just outed to every news outlet in the known universe!" He loudly asks C.J. several hundred more times whether there's a connection between the two. I don't think the assassination is yet public, so why they're shouting about it with her door open is a bit of a mystery. C.J. doesn't know if they're connected and doesn't know what Danny wants from her. He says he's filing the story today. She says it'll get buried. He insists it won't. He asks -- again, quite loudly -- whether the White House wishes to comment on allegations that the President ordered Shareef's assassination. He tells her she has a couple of hours to find out before he posts the story online. I guess that's for the seven people in Borneo who haven't heard them yelling about it yet.

Sit Room. Nancy says the Pakistanis are prepared to stage the release of the prisoners, and film it. She says they'll put it on CNN and send it to Aljazeera. Casper says that this buys them a little more time. Walken arrives, and everyone rises. He tells them to stand down, which is sort of a funny way to tell people to sit down. Everyone looks sort of pained, especially Nancy. Fitz tells Walken that the Washington Carrier group will be in place in three hours. Casper says that they've had no further contact from the kidnappers, but that they've traced one of the kidnappers, Shahab Kaleel, to an apartment complex in Baltimore. Neighbours say that two Arab men were living with Kaleel, and that none of them has been seen for three days. They found lots of fingerprints and identifying information in the apartment. Walken: "They didn't try to cover their tracks?" Casper: "No, sir. They don't care if we know who they are. They don't plan on being alive in a few days." There's a pause, and then Walken asks Fitz, "What do you want to hit, Admiral?" Fitz: "Kazir training camps." Nancy explains that the Qumaris claim these are religious schools. Fitz says that they're terrorist training camps, and that intelligence has traced Kaleel to Zachari Faruk (and I'm just going with the spellings provided by the closed captioning here, even though I think a lot of them are rather bogus) who is a camp leader. ["I'll bet that guy's really good at sing-alongs and making s'mores." -- Wing Chun] Walken asks whether they're close to anything. He's got a terribly constipated expression. Nancy says they're close to villages, hospitals, and a food distribution centre. Fitz suggests AGM-88 HARMs: "We will hit what we're aiming for." Nancy reminds them that this is a "long-term ally in a highly volatile region." Fitz: "Bombing Tripoli stopped Libya." Nancy thinks it's more likely to strengthen the terrorists' resolve than it is to topple a moderate Islamic regime. Leo asks, "If we bomb the camps, don't the kidnappers murder Zoey Bartlet?" Walken: "Or it sends a message: 'Kill her or don't -- the United States does not negotiate with terrorists.'" Slattery says that their European allies are going to go crazy: "They have billions tied up in oil and natural gas pipelines in Qumar." Walken: "Screw the Europeans. They've had years to try to convince the Qumaris to get their house in order." I guess I'm not clear on why there's more onus on the Europeans than on the Americans to strongarm Qumar. So many things I don't understand. Lots of shots of Leo's face becoming even more deeply engraved with concern. Walken asks about the chances that Zoey Bartlet's still alive. Casper thinks she probably is, because the abductors will want to milk this for all it's worth. Walken stands up and says, "Get your people in place, Admiral. We don't go today unless we're provoked. Find her, and find her fast. But if Zoey Bartlet turns up dead, I am gonna blow the hell out of somethin', and God only knows what happens ." He trots out. Nancy looks like she can't believe she's suddenly serving under Charlton Heston.

We fade out on Jed's face to a shot of Abby mechanically making sandwiches in a very nice kitchen. Ellie's working at another table. Jed comes in, and no one reacts or seems to notice. He turns to go, and then asks Ellie to give them a minute. Abby says in a small, neutral voice, "We're making lunch." Jed suggests calling downstairs and having something sent up. Abby: "I don't want any more people in here. There are already too many people in our lives." Elizabeth arrives, asking if the noodles are ready for her kids. Ellie says they are, and that she's cutting up some fruit. Abby fixes her gaze on something other than Jed and asks, "It isn't true, is it?" Jed apologizes for her having to hear about it on television. Dude, that was the one thing you could have prevented. You knew it was going to be public -- why in God's name didn't you tell her yourself? Abby: "Why should today be any different?" Burn! Jed: "Abdul Shareef had nothing to do with what happened to Zoey." Abby says Jed doesn't know that. Jed: "It was debated and discussed and agonized over for weeks." Abby: "'Debated'? And 'discussed'? I'm here. I don't remember that." Jed barks, "It was a difficult decision!" Abby: "Made by you. Not us." Well...yeah. He's the President. It's kind of in his job description. He says he did what he thought was necessary. Abby walks out saying, "Your decisions, Jed. Not ours." Elizabeth and Ellie have kept totally quiet throughout this. Elizabeth gives her father a sad glance and Jed looks pained. He sits down at the table as Elizabeth leaves. We see Ellie with a tear running out of her eye. She picks up Jed's Notre Dame coffee mug, and takes it to him at the table. She puts it down, and bends over behind his chair to give him a hug before she walks out.

Hour Sixteen. Margaret enters Leo's darkened office to wake him. He's annoyed that it's 5:00 and she didn't wake him an hour earlier like he asked. She says he needed the rest. Leo grumbles, "What are you now, my mother?" She says that the Secretary of State called. Leo: "I bet he did." Margaret says Leo's getting some irate calls about the whole Shareef thing. She adds that Josh called to say the new Economic Advisor forecasts are in. Leo: "And?" Margaret doesn't say anything. Leo shakes his head and says, "Great."

Will comes through a door with Ed and Larry, looking at these reports, asking "How bad?" Larry: "Our guys are starting to freak out at the jump in unemployment." Will thought it was just a blip. Larry says it looked that way last week: "Now it looks like a pattern." Ed says that consumer confidence numbers tanked. They've caught up with Josh now and are rattling off a bunch of unhappy numbers. Josh: "But duct tape futures are up, right?" Ed starts to say that Commerce doesn't break things down that far, but Larry points out that Josh was joking. That may be helpful for the viewers who weren't sure. Josh consoles himself with the idea that the numbers won't get much play in the media right now. Larry starts to say something about the economy being headed into a recession, and Josh and Will caution him against ever using that word, because it gives the idea credence. Larry and Ed ask what they should call it. Josh doesn't care: "Call it a boat show or a beer garden or a bagel." Larry plays along, saying that it appears that it will be a mild bagel, if it's a bagel at all. Will says that will be comforting to the millions of Americans who'll lose their jobs. Donna arrives and says, "Take the Haffley photos off the dart boards, boys, Elvis is in the building." She clarifies for Larry that she means the Republican leadership.

As Josh, Donna, Ed, and Larry march over to the Roosevelt Room, Donna tells them that Haffley, Connelly, and Mitchell are there. Josh: "The unholy trinity." Will thinks they're there to pick a new Speaker. As they walk around the halls outside the Roosevelt Room, Josh looks through the doors, asking, "Is that Duke?" Donna says it is. Josh: "Oh, please don't let it be Duke. He hates me." Will: "Tomlinson?" Josh: "He hates me, too." Ed: "Jim Arkin" Josh: "Arkin really hates me." Donna: "Are you detecting a pattern here?" Steve appears and says, "Hello, Josh. Everybody." Josh asks him how it's going. Steve asks if they want to come in for a second and say hello. Aw. That's sweet. Josh declines. Steve starts to go into the room, and Josh tells him not to get too comfortable in there: "You guys won't be back for three or four more terms." Larry's watching the monitors and says, "Hey, guys..." Josh asks Will, "Do we have any hidden cameras and tape recorders or something in there?" Will: "Not since the mid-'70s." Donna's staring at the screen now, too, and says, "Josh..." There's footage of a fire, and the aftermath of a bombing in Turkey that has taken at least eighty lives.

Sit Room, brought to you in JerkyCam. Everyone in the room is informed that Istanbul is reporting that a truck loaded with TNT drove into a cinema in Antalya. Slattery says at least fourteen Americans, a group of Italian tourists, and sixty Turks are dead. All of the Americans were sailors on shore leave. Nancy -- arms crossed and looking pissed -- says that Aljazeera says it's received a fax from the Bahji. Walken: "So nothing from the kidnappers?" Casper says no, but that they're making progress on the suspects in Baltimore. Big Dan Teague wants to know why they haven't heard been heard from. Casper doesn't know: "It's probably time for us to publicly [sic] encourage them to clarify their position." Fitz: "Maybe they just did." Walken chortles mildly and asks about the five sleepers. Casper: "No, sir." Slattery indicates, "We're hearing a lot of displeasure from the Middle East over the Shareef assassination." Walken's glib response: "Well, if the Arabs are mad at us, we must be doing something right." Jackass. Leo looks like he's getting more and more distraught and discombobulated by everything that's transpiring -- something I'm sure the camera work is meant to underscore, but frankly, it's an insult to John Spencer's superb acting. He is more than capable of conveying what's necessary here. Step away from the JerkyCam.

Walken asks for Dr. McNally's input. She firmly says, "Sir, this would be the first time in our history that we have violated the sovereign soil of an ally." Well, it's a day full of firsts, I think. Walken turns to Fitz, who says, "Our people are at DEFCON Alpha, awaiting your go." Haven't we been over this before, several times? DEFCON uses numbers; THREATCON uses the letters of the Greek alphabet. How hard is this? Man, if I can remember it -- and I hardly care -- why can't someone on the show write up a Post-it Note or something? When Walken asks what would be involved, Fitz elaborates: "Twelve F-14B Tomcats and eight F/A-18E Super Hornets off the George Washington. Then the Marine 3-7 will drop 1,100 Special Op forces in to clean it up. Nancy: "So: a bombing and an invasion?" Fitz says they'll be in and out in three days. Leo suddenly snaps, "We bomb Qumar and they kill her!" Walken, in a matter-of-fact way, but without looking at Leo, says: "They're going to kill her anyway." He asks Fitz: "When do you want to go, Admiral?" The realization that Walken is almost certainly right about Zoey weighs heavily on Leo's face. He also understands that no one in this room is as invested in saving her life as he is. Fitz says it will take Special Ops nine hours to get into position: "On your order, we'll be over the targets in ten. Six-thirty our time, tomorrow morning." Walken quietly asks Leo, "Do you want to tell the President, Leo, or should I?" Leo says, "Thank you, sir, but I'll do it." Walken says, to no one in particular, "Get the Qumari Ambassador over here. We need to let him know we're gonna bomb his country." I'm sure Miss Manners would approve.