Evidence of Things Not Seen

Previously: Charlie and Zoey had a relationship. Then she went to France and fell in love with Pierre EscargoAway and my viewing life turned to crap. Wait, it was already crap.

First of all, let us all say a short prayer that my remote (the second in four years, and this one's only over a year old) doesn't die on me before the end of May, much less the end of this recap. (Those of you not into prayer can just waft good vibes in my general direction.) The rewind button is refusing to work, making recapping extremely difficult. Fortunately, it shouldn't be a problem to get the gist of things, since there's so much repetitive dialogue. Huzzah? Anyway: Dear God, it's me, Deborah. Four episodes of The West Wing, and a baker's dozen of Trading Spaces to go. I'm so scared, God. Please let the remote hold out. I promise not to let Norman Fishbein feel me up anymore.

Josh and C.J. are getting ready for a Friday-night poker game in Leo's office and arguing about whether it's possible, during some unspecified yet exact moment during the equinox, to stand eggs vertically on their ends. This is quite a hoary legend, but C.J.'s bought it nonetheless. Josh says he's tried it and it doesn't work. As they're bickering about it, Leo enters in full gastronome mode: "We've got pastrami from Krupin's. It's tissue-paper-thin. Roast beef, corned beef, turkey, Russian dressing, coleslaw, and seedless rye. And winning the hard-earned money of your co-workers. This is what I call a night off." Wow. I wouldn't call spending the evening in my office a night off, no matter what I was doing, but I guess these people no longer have normal standards. They're going to need a re-entry program in 2006. Leo invites C.J. to "squeeze this piece of rye bread." Since it's the best offer she's had since Marco, she readily accepts. Margaret comes in to fetch Leo and he leaves C.J. there with the floppy piece of bread. Josh and C.J. go back to arguing about eggs and equinoxes. Toby comes in, and Josh draws him into the argument. Toby, of course, pooh-poohs the idea. There's a lot of repetitious chatter about it. Honestly, if I worked with people who were this repetitious in their yammering, I would be slapping someone almost every single day. C.J. insists that she's seen it.

Donna comes in -- dressed, apparently, to go the bartending job at which she's moonlighting during the seventy-eight minutes a day when she's not at Josh's beck and call. Sure, she could use that time for sleeping, but how else is she going to pay for Lisa's pony? Wait. Wrong show. Donna's wearing tight black pants, a white pinstriped man's-style shirt with a huge collar, and a close-fitting black vest with a matching white pinstriped back so it looks like there's only a front to the thing. Or maybe it's just a fake sewn-on front. That'd be really bad. And her shirt's sticking out the bottom of the vest. Her hair's in a ponytail. She's wearing a two-strand necklace of small white beads or pearls. Who though this was a good look? I've seen better clothes on Kimberly Caldwell and Carmen Rasmusen. Anyway, someone from the Counsel's office wants Josh to meet tonight with a candidate for the Associate's position. Apparently the Associate moved to Miami, or something. Just up and disappeared one day, no explanation. Isn't that weird? The candidate's only in town one night. Josh relents, though it's his night off. Just a thought, but you might have more luck with that whole "night off" thing if you, oh, actually left the building. Donna wants to know if she can take Josh's seat in the game. Josh answers by saying that he misses Ainsley, since Sam isn't there to say it. He blathers on about how Ainsley's position should be filled with another Ainsley: "A sexy conservative with first-rate law credentials and a strange name." Can't imagine why Ainsley would have decamped to Miami. On second thought, just stay in the building after all. I'm sure the women of D.C. have enough trouble meeting worthwhile men without you clogging up the process. Donna asks again if she can play. Josh asks who's playing. Toby: "Anyone with currency."

Cut to Jed, who's entertaining pleas from Debbie Fidererererer to be allowed into the game. He wonders why she's so eager to get into the game. She feeds him some hooey about wanting to learn from him. He lectures her about what a serious, high-stakes cash game it is, and she produces a big wad of bills. Jed immediately asks her to float him some dough. She seems to be willing to, if allowed to join the game. Leo knocks at that moment and Jed tells him about the egg thing, waving an egg about. Leo asks Debbie to excuse them. Jed tells Debbie she can play, as she leaves.

Leo's got bad news: they just lost an unmanned spy plane -- a Predator B-UAV -- twelve miles off Kaliningrad. These planes are controlled by satellite and can't always respond to sudden weather changes. Jed's wondering what the big deal is. He figures it's just a loss of money and that the official advice is to detonate the plane. Leo explains that the plane was taking photos of illegal nuclear transfers in that area and they need the intelligence because they don't think they can replace it. Jed: "Well, what do they want me to do? Call Chigorin and ask if we can go in and get our spy plane back?" Indeed. Except Leo says Jed can't say "spy plane." Jed grasps that Leo's serious. Leo says that State and the Pentagon have some ideas for an official ruse. Jed: "Do they?" Leo asks if Jed wants the play some poker in the meantime. Jed tells him to hang on, and tries to stand the egg on its end. It falls onto its side, of course. Jed: "Yeah, this isn't gonna work." Y'all know the end of the show will be the egg standing up, right? Credits. Woo! I'm still happy for Dul that he's first.

Overhead shot of the poker table. All right, I may have mentioned this before, but I've never played poker in my life. I don't know a Jackass Straight from an Ultra-Low-Flow Flush from an Antebellum Stud. Really. I know way more about hockey than I do about poker. So if you're expecting any insight into any subtleties of the game and how they are deftly interwoven with the plot or dialogue, you're SOL. I was brought up Baptist, for crying out loud. My grandmother got all frowny if we played Go Fish on Sundays. Our poker players are C.J., Debbie, Larry, Jed, Josh, Toby, and Ed. C.J.'s hair looks so good in this episode. That's what my hair looks like the minute my hairstylist's done with it, and then not again until the time I'm in her chair. Debbie says she's fine. Everybody else says, "Check." C.J. knocks the table once before she says it. Somebody tosses some chips. Debbie bets fifty bucks. Everybody folds and Debbie takes all the chips. Josh: "Nothing like the mounting tension of a well-contested hand." Jed seems to think Debbie was bluffing.

Will arrives, having brought C.J. some eggs. Now he's her errand boy? Interesting. Jed wants to know why Will's dressed like an officer in the Air Force. Will explains he is one. Jed had no idea Will was a reservist. Will says he works with the JAG Corps, and that he's stationed at Bolling, but that he's going up to Cheyenne for the weekend. Charlie arrives to fetch Jed for Leo. Jed tells Will to play his seat. Will sits down, and shuffles the deck like the true card shark I know Josh Malina is. Everybody takes silent note of the mad skillz on the new guy.

When Jed arrives back in the Oval Office, assorted folks are positioned around the room, quietly doing...whatever. Security stuff. Jed asks Leo if they're getting somewhere. Leo says the thinking is that since Kaliningrad is the only non-contiguous Russian state, Jed can imply that he's merely informing Chigorin of a rescue mission that barely concerns Chigorin. Jed: "And what I do when Chigorin tells me Hawaii's not really part of America, and he wants to change the alphabet to Cyrillic?" Leo says he's not going to have Jed tell Chigorin that Kaliningrad's not part of Russia. Jed wants to know what area they're trolling in. Leo says they weren't spying on Russia, they were spying for Russia. This is the international politics version of "It's not you, it's me." Pretty soon Chigorin will find out that Jed's been having quiet dinners with the leader of the Lithuanian Labour Party and all hell will break loose. Jed wonders if this phone call he's going to have with Chigorin is for a White House bloopers reel. What I want to know is, when are we going to see The West Wing bloopers show? Come on, it's been four years. There must be some good stuff there. Throw us a bone already. I think that would bring out the audience love like nothing else. Leo asks Jed to be patient for a few minutes, and tells him that there was a bombing at a Kuala Lumpur nightclub, and that a suspect has been apprehended trying to explode at device at the Brandenburg Gate. Leo doesn't know if the two events are related.

Back to the game. Debbie bets fifty bucks. Most of the others fold. Will tells Toby to make Debbie prove it. Toby chews on some gum with a slightly mischievous look, and then throws in a couple of chips. Debbie puts down her cards, saying, "Straight to the King." Toby tosses his cards on the table and Debbie grabs all the chips again. Will gathers all the cards, telling Toby, "I'll get her for you." C.J. hands him another card; Will says it's the joker. He picks it up and flings it into the room. It lands...somewhere -- an in-basket, a trash can, who can tell with the mood lighting? C.J.'s wildly impressed. Toby stands up and does the same thing. Josh: "We're not going to need that three of clubs?" Will says that if he stood at the podium in the Briefing Room, he could hit a seat in the fifth row. Toby's not buying it. Will bets him a dollar a card that he can. They all start to get up to go to the Briefing Room, but Debbie tells them to sit down and play poker. Donna comes along to take Josh's drink order. No, she's here to say his interviewee has arrived and is waiting in the Roosevelt Room. He tells them to deal him out for three hands.

Out in the hall, Donna tells Josh that some people would consider this guy handsome. She doesn't, because Josh is the only one she thinks is handsome. No, really. Josh: "Uh huh." But she says that, for the sake of appearances, she'd pretend she thought this guy was handsome, if Josh hired him. What? Who cares? She continues, "Of course, all along, it'd be a lie, 'cause of how handsome you are...and powerful." Donna fixes him with a slightly seductive gaze. I think I might be sick. If it weren't for the incredibly wearisome theme of UST between these two, this sort of banter might be amusing, but as it is, all I've got to say is, shit or get off the pot. Josh: "Your sense of humour is a bit of a high-wire act, isn't it? You're really trying to thread the needle." Donna tells himthat he doesn't even get half of it. He goes into the meeting.

Josh greets the guy -- who is played by Matthew Perry -- as "Hector." Except Donna's given Josh the wrong file. This is Joe Quincy. Donna's rushing back with the right file just as Josh comes to find her. There's some more nonsense about the guy being handsome. Josh closes the door on Donna. He goes back to Joe, and there's some tortured conversation about whether he prefers "Joe" or "Joseph." Matthew Perry is much less Chandler-y than I was afraid he would be, which is good...but he almost goes to the other extreme, and is kind of...blah in his attempts to rein in the sitcom actor. Josh blathers about Ainsley, and how he thinks they need to find another attractive woman with an unusual name, and here's Joe, a man, named...Joe. I'll bet Matthew Perry is wondering about now if he can possibly talk the other five into yet another season of Friends if this is what he has to look forward to. He's also wondering if maybe he'd be more likely to get this job as Miss Chanandeler Bong. Joe blinks at Josh politely; Josh finally recognizes that his rambling is both boring and pointless. He goes over Joe's credentials: he has a joint JD-MBA from Cal. He worked for the New York City Department of Transportation, defending the city against civil claims, in order to get trial experience. Then he worked as Associate Counsel at Treasury, then the Solicitor General's office. I can't help wondering if it's worth detailing all this. The guy's on the show for two episodes. As with most new characters -- especially, for some reason, people in the Counsel's office (Ainsley, Babish, Tribbey) -- we have no idea whether to invest any energy in them. Are they here to stay, or is it just a whistle-stop en route to Mandyville? Joe lost his job when the new SG was appointed. Josh is surprised they haven't met. Leo knocks to pull Josh out. Josh reminds Joe that he needs to sign the questionnaire that's part of the job application.

On their way into the Oval Office, Leo tells Josh that if POTUS agrees, they'll set up the call in ten minutes. Jed comes in from the portico, and Leo tells him the best-case scenario is that they're allowed to go in and recover the plane unfettered. Jed points out that Chigorin will say they have an excellent search-and-recovery team. Leo continues acting out a little skit, telling Jed he's to point out that their UAVs have self-detonating capability and only their folks know how to handle them. Josh tells him to say that they have to protect their proprietary technology. Jed thinks Chigorin will want to know what they were doing over Kaliningrad. Leo points out that the plan actually had a multiple mission, precisely in anticipation of such an event as this. Its other purpose was taking pictures of coastal erosion in the Baltic Sea. Leo insists that it was an environmental mission. Jed: "And he's not going to want to take pictures of coastal erosion at Coney Island?" Leo says that the Baltic Sea is shared by Sweden, Finland, and Germany. They settle on the idea that they were on an environmental mission for Finland. Jed tells them to set up the call. As the camera draws away from outside the room, through the special glass on the portico doors, all the people are slightly distorted. Like the truth, geddit?

Josh returns to Joe, who's looking at Teddy Roosevelt's Nobel Prize on the mantel. Josh reminds Joe to sign the questionnaire. Josh continues the interview, learning that Joe has met at length with Oliver Babish. Josh goes back to the questionnaire, which includes a psychological component. The first question is, "(a) I do not feel sad. (b) I feel sad. (c) I am sad all the time and can't snap out of it. (d) I am so sad or unhappy I want to kill myself." Joe -- sharp tack that he is -- picked (a). Then there's some more tortured conversation about why he picked (a) or whether he ever feels sad. He didn't feel sad when he read the question, so he picked (a). Josh says it will just take another minute or so. I hope so, because the strain in the dialogue between these two is making me feel like something between (b) and (c).

Toby, Will, and C.J. enter the dark Briefing Room. There's a lot of light coming from outside the room, but I guess it's artificial lighting. Will and Toby climb up on the little stage. C.J. stays on the floor. Will says, "A dollar for every card that hits the fifth row?" C.J. locks the door: "There's still some press around." Toby says it's five dollars if Will hits the sixth row. C.J. continues reciting the Top 40 of the Greatest Urban Legends, this time something addled-sounding about the antipode and temperature. Will says it's not true. She insists that it is, and if it can be the case, why can't the thing with the egg be true, too? Toby: "'Cause you can't, ever?" What if it's hard-boiled, smart guy? C.J. says they can't hit the fifth row. She perches on the window ledge. Toby says to Will, "At the same time?" Will agrees: "On three." Suddenly, a couple of shots are heard outside. C.J. stands and looks out the window. Another shot hits the window just above her head; Toby and Will both lunge for her and pull her down to the floor as she says, "Somebody's shooting!" They both hold her down, hands on her head. She tries to get up, but they tell her to stay down. Secret Service agents bust into the room (the door was locked, remember) and ask if they're all right. They're fine. Will tells them, "Three shots, one hit, straight from the sidewalk, straight hit." Toby asks if POTUS is in the Oval Office. They're told they need to wait outside.

Jed is just sitting down to his call with Chigorin when the agents bust into the Oval Office and tell him to step away from the window. They're followed by a guy in some kind of riot gear with a big-ass gun. They run around shutting the drapes. Jed, to Chigorin: "Okay, you know what, I'm gonna have to call you back..." Something about the way Martin Sheen delivered that line just made me howl with laughter. One guy tells his wrist that the Oval Office is secure. Another guy tells his wrist that "Bamboo Shoot's ready." Everyone else looks bewildered. Jed says the reference to "Bamboo" means they want him to get into the motorcade. "Bamboo Shoot" is the motorcade? Okay.

Ron Butterfield arrives. Hurray! Ron Butterfield! We love him. Ron ascertains that POTUS is all right. Leo tells Ron everyone in the room, including the translator, has code word clearance. Ron explains that three shots were fired from the street, and one of them hit the Briefing Room. A suspect (and his high-powered rifle) are in custody. That was freaking fast. Jed asks, "Was anyone in the room?" Ron tells him who was there. Jed asks where they are, as he and Leo both start to leave the room to look for them. Ron says they're fine and insists that Jed has to stay put.

Just then, C.J., Toby, and Will arrive. Jed asks each of them as they enter if they're fine. As Will enters, Jed asks how many fingers he's holding up. (And there's nothing to the fact that he holds up two fingers in a peace sign, right? Uh oh! Better watch out for Big Bad Boss GE. Hee.) Will asks, "Who's Will, sir?" Jed introduces Will to Ron. Leo says, "Lieutenant Bailey, we're glad to see you alive, but it's code clearance in here and I need you out of earshot, okay?" Will understands and takes off. Jed asks where Charlie is. Leo says he's somewhere in the building. Ron says that everybody's being held where they are. Jed says that if Charlie's heard what happened, he's going to be trying to get to Jed. The phone rings, and Leo goes to answer it. Jed keeps explaining that if Charlie's heard, he'll try to overpower anyone. Just then, Charlie busts in through one of the Oval Office's many doors. He stops, panting, when he sees the roomful of people and that Jed's all right. Jed motions for Charlie to come over. He quietly tells Charlie, "It's bulletproof glass in the windows, okay? You want to kill me, you're going to have to do it from inside the building." What a sense of yoomer. Charlie thanks him and leaves, asking Toby and C.J. as he goes if they're all right.

Donna appears at the French doors to see if they need another round. Josh tells Joe that she's his assistant, Donna. Joe knows. Josh excuses himself again. Donna just wants to check that Josh is all right, being his PTSD monitor and all. Josh says he's fine. She says she's going to get him some water or something. Josh says he's fine. Donna asks what he thinks of Joe. Josh doesn't know yet. He says he's well-qualified, personable, confident...but he just doesn't bring the T&A like Ainsley did. Maybe I might be making up the last part. Josh says he gets a strange feeling from Joe, like he's a really good ball player who's standing in the other team's locker room for the first time. Donna: "You're the baseball player?" Josh says Joe is. Donna doesn't understand: "Are you writing poetry about this now?" She wants to know if she can call Stanley Keyworth and tell him Josh will talk to him later. Josh insists that he's fine, and that he didn't even see it. Donna says she's not going anywhere. Well, I guess not, considering the place is locked down. Josh goes back to his interview.

Josh tells Joe that he got a letter today: "'You're a lying liar...you lie almost as well as Barflet.'" Joe cannot suppress a Chandleresque smirk. As Josh gets himself some gum, he continues, "You know, black-white, rich-poor, north-south, odd-even...there may not be anything anymore that outpaces the hatred the right feels for the left or the tonnage of disrespect the left feels for the right. Donna got a letter yesterday that said, 'I'm collecting all the guns you've banned, and there's a bullet in each one with your name on it.' Donna." Me, I'm collecting all the anvils I've endured, and making them into a necklace that's a monument to bourgeois taste. Josh: "Guy's decided to focus his wrath on Donna." He goes on about how the guy's never met or spoken to her: "How's it possible that he hates her so much? How can you not like Donna? She's from Wisconsin!" Hee -- just like Brad Whitford and his wife. Joe just looks puzzled. Josh tells Joe that twenty thousand specific threats are made against U.S. targets every year: "And with all that, it's still the ones that don't give you advance notice that you're worried about." Joe explains that he asked about terrorism before because of the lockdown, saying that, procedurally, it would be more likely if there had been other incidents in the last few hours. Josh tells him about the two bombs in Malaysia and Germany. The Piano Music of "(b) I feel sad" plays as Josh suggests that they get down to business.

Toby is sucking on a lollipop and watching the news in Leo's office with Will. I think somebody's trying to wean himself off stogies before the babies arrive. C.J. comes in with some more bunk about eggs, equinoxes, and the sun's gravity. Toby gives her a brief, basic science lesson. He insists that she can prove it to herself with an egg. She says it has to be the exact moment of the equinox. Will asks when that is. C.J. guesses midnight. Will: "Midnight where?" She relents, saying maybe it's not the exact moment, and that you just have to keep trying. But she's seen it. Donna comes in and asks if they're playing. Will says he'll get Ed and Larry. Leo comes in and asks Donna to tell Josh they're back on for the phone call. She leaves. C.J. asks Toby if he knew that a day on the moon and a year on the moon are the same thing. Toby says, with a small sucker-filled smile, that he did. C.J. toys with an egg and says, "I thought my reflexes before, in the Press Room, were catlike." Apparently a lot of viewers thought she said "Catholic," which is even funnier. Toby smiles indulgently around his lollipop.

Anyway, blah blah blah, Response Code Orion, fifty Minutemen get armed. Toby asks what's in New London. Will: "Trident." Toby: "The gum?" Will: "The nuclear submarines." He explains that the launch sequence went on for two minutes before there was confirmation that it was a meteor. But the two guys were debating with Launch Control and Operations, and now they're in trouble. Toby: "And they're sending in a team of lawyers to look into it?" Will: "Yeah, but we're scrappy." Toby emits a mirthless laugh: "A meteor fell from the sky, the result being that two guys are going to get court-martialled, the only two guys who apparently thought it was strange that North Korea would attack submarines in Connecticut instead of, say, San Diego or Hawaii. And if it had been a real attack, would they still have been doing point/counterpoint with NORAD?" Will says nothing. Toby says that they failed on both a mechanical and human level. He asks C.J. to tell him again what she has faith in. C.J.: "Us. Because with what little time he has, Will is going to Wyoming to defend one of these guys and I don't think that is failing on a human level." Wait, Wyoming? I thought he was going to Cheyenne, as in Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado? Everyone's quiet while Toby stares at C.J. He gives a sputtering little laugh and tells her he's got an ace-high flush: "Gimme your money." C.J.: "I got tens full of queens. Gimme yours." Charlie, who's been lurking in the background and watching out the window, suddenly says, "Hey!" Will asks who's out there. Charlie, running out of the room: "Zoey."

Charlie runs out on to the portico and pretends to be Mr. Cool when he runs into Zoey: "This is a coincidence. I was just stepping outside for some air." Zoey says they just let her in a few minutes ago. He says everything's fine. She says she just wanted to check and that she was just going to call him. Charlie: "Were you? To say you wanted to get back together again?" Dude, you know I love you, but is it really appropriate to be putting the make on her right now? Zoey replies, "To make sure you were alive." Charlie: "Well, that's a step in my direction." He asks her if she wants to come inside for a minute; she's got to get back to studying for a final tomorrow. She doesn't want to see her father at all? That seems a little odd. I would expect Jed to be yoogely hurt if he found out she had been there and he hadn't seen her. Zoey and Charlie talk about how they can't believe Zoey is graduating in two weeks.

Charlie asks, "Is Chef Boyardee around?" Zoey wonders why Charlie has to do that. Charlie: "I was asking after him." Zoey: "We were having a perfectly nice..." Charlie: "Sorry." Zoey: "And on tonight of all nights, when we should be thinking about..." Charlie: "Why is tonight different from others?" Slight nod to the Haggadah there? Zoey says it's because Charlie was shot at. Charlie: "Well, not me, personally, but I see all the more reason to..." Zoey interjects that she's going to France for three months after graduation. She explains that Frenchie asked her a couple of days ago to come to his family's farmhouse near Avignon: "No press. No politics. It's what I want to do." Charlie thinks it's a great thing to do: "I just don't know why you're doing it with him." She says he's been out with plenty of women since they broke up. Charlie says he hasn't. I can't imagine when he would have the time. Then again, Donna found time for that second job. Zoey says that every college student in D.C. tells her what Charlie's up to. She adds that every time he's gone out with someone else, she's been supportive. Charlie: "'Supportive' how? I didn't even know you knew." Zoey: "That's how!" They keep bickering, and Charlie tells her he doesn't want her to go to France with Frenchie. Zoey: "Why don't you like him?" Charlie replies, "Because..." Zoey: "It's been four years in the White House. And another being the daughter of a candidate. Eight years as governor. My grades get printed in the paper. My boyfriends are in the paper. I live and die with my parents' successes and failures. And so do you. Sometimes even more than me. And Jean-Paul doesn't. He's happy. He's...just...happy." Charlie: "That's 'cause he's got $500 million and no conscience." Zoey says softly, "No, it isn't. He cares about things. And one of them is me. And none of them are this. And that's appealing to me right now." Sure, but...he can't be the only guy in the world who feels that way. Charlie says he can understand that. She says she has to go study: "Sorry you got shot at again." Now there's a card I bet Hallmark hasn't yet thought of. Charlie watches her walk away. Well, this day just gets better and better.

Jed's back on the phone with Chigorin. There's a lot of yelling going on. Leo's talking this time, too. They're still trying to sell their "taking pictures of coastal erosion" story, but Chigorin ain't buying. He's sent out his own S&R team to get the plane. Leo says they're going to see it: "Because in five minutes I'm telling the President to blow it up." Chigorin retorts, "Feel free." Jed suddenly tries a novel approach: the truth. Ignoring Leo's look of concern, Jed confesses that the U.S. spy planes were taking pictures of Kaliningrad. He explains that they were taking pictures of black-market nuclear materials being transported to nongovernmental elements: "Rogue engineers, unemployed military scientists, ex-KGB...it's just as big a problem for you as it is for us. But you're not dealing with it, so we were taking pictures of Kaliningrad." Jed tells Chigorin that they're going to have to trust each other a little bit. Well, that's rich coming from the guy who's been a lying liar about his spy plane all night. He says that the U.S. will share the pictures they got, but not the technology they used to get them: "Otherwise I'm detonating it, and neither of us see the pictures." Except that according to the GovExec.com Gaffe Report, "UAVs transmit pictures in real-time via satellite, so there would be no need to recover the vehicle to get the pictures. One anonymous but well-placed source says, 'There would be no point in the data being held in the plane because that would defeat the purpose of an unmanned data-gathering platform.'" Jed tells Chigorin again that they have to trust each other: "Our two countries have stopped the world from annihilating itself for sixty years because of conversations like this one." Oh, for...don't get me started. Chigorin says he will talk it over with his people. They hang up and Leo says, "Good. I'd have said, 'We weren't spying on you, we were spying for you,' but..." Jed says that if he calls back, they'll have a deal. In the meantime, he wants to play poker.

Donna knocks on the door of the Roosevelt Room again. What now? Is it last call already? Josh comes out and asks if she just came by to look at Joe. She tells Josh that Stanley's available by cell phone if Josh wants to speak to him. Josh says he told her he wasn't going to call him. She thought he might change his mind, by which she means, she thought she would change his mind by forcing it on him. Josh says he hasn't changed his mind: "I''m telling you, there's something...a guy this qualified...I'd know who he was. Something's wrong. I just figured out what."

Josh goes back into the room, inviting Donna to come with him. Donna asks Joe how he's enjoying his lockdown. Joe says it's been a very thorough interview. Josh runs over the many topics they've covered, describing many of them as "Democratic G-spots," and adds, "But it wasn't until now that I realized that there was something I forgot to ask you: Are you a registered Democrat?" Joe is not. Nor is he a registered Independent. Josh: "Are you registered?" Joe: "Yes." Josh: "You're a Republican." Joe: "Yes!" Gasp! Seriously? With the constant references to Ainsley, and the fact that Donna likes him, Josh couldn't figure out before now that this guy's a Republican? Duh. Josh: "Whoa!" Donna says it's fine, reminding Josh that Ainsley was a Republican. Josh reminds Donna that Ainsley looked like Miss September. Okay, not exactly. He actually says, "If you're a Republican, you damn well better look like Ainsley Hayes!" See? Isn't that a lot better? This show just exhausts me sometimes. Donna hollers, "He does!" Well, I think Matthew Perry's sort of cute, but I wouldn't say he looks like Ainsley Hayes. Sam Seaborn: now there's your male Ainsley Hayes. Donna continues: "He will to others." Others, I guess, less in touch with the HoYay! than Josh. Honestly, I don't know what's going on here. Are they really hiring Associate Counsel for the White House based on how they'd score on Are You Hot??

Josh asks if Joe doesn't want to get a job in the Republican party. Joe does, but he can't, because he's in the doghouse with several people at the National Committee. He wrote a memo for the SG arguing that the Supreme Court should uphold regulations that limit soft-money donations to political campaigns. Josh: "That's gotta be the kind of thing that winds you up in GOP jail for the same amount of time as...." Joe: "A Democrat who speaks out against abortion?" Josh: "Right." He wonders why Joe wants to work at the White House instead of the private sector. Joe says he's on his way to New York for a final interview at Debevoise and Plimpton. Josh says that's his father's firm; he was a partner there. Joe knows. Josh says they're going to offer him $225,000 a year: "Is this your fallback?" Joe: "They're my fallback." Josh asks him again why he wants to work here. Joe: "I like public service. I want to serve, and you guys are the only ones left." I liked this routine better the first time around, with Ainsley. Josh asks why he hasn't signed the questionnaire. Joe says he can't, because he lied on Question 75: "Have you ever done anything that would reflect poorly on the President?" Josh: "What'd you do?" Joe: "I didn't vote for him." Donna gets all gooey-eyed and says, "That's really very sweet." Shut up, Donna. Josh looks at her. Donna assures him: "Not to me." Josh finally relents, convinced Joe really wants to work there, and says he'll recommend Joe to Leo.

Jed and Leo are standing by the table, watching Toby, C.J., Debbie, Ed, and Larry play poker. Jed tells them to hurry it up, because they're going to be called back into the Oval Office: "Debbie, do something." She bets fifty bucks. Everyone folds, and she takes all the chips again. Jed thanks her. He asks Leo if the pastrami is from Krupin's. Leo says it is. Jed: "Tissue-paper-thin?" Leo says "yes," really defensively. Like someone asked him if he's bathed recently. Dude, it's just food. Simmah. Nancy calls Jed into the Oval Office to talk to Chigorin. Leo turns to Jed and says, "Nice job." They leave.

Will's at Leo's computer, surfing the internet. He says he's searched "equinox" and "egg," and the news isn't good for the believers. C.J. comes over and asks what sites he was sent to. Will: "ThingsThatAreWrong.com." Heh. C.J. says there's no such site. Well, there's nothing on that page as of this writing, but Warner Brothers did apparently go to the trouble of registering the domain name. See for yourself. C.J. reads from the screen, "'This has to be one of the silliest misconceptions around and it never seems to die.'" Will says he was also sent to The Apocryphal Zone and Project Astro Utah. C.J.: "There's no website supporting it?" There is not. Toby: "And you gotta ask yourself, if no one on the internet wants a piece of this, just how far from the pack have you strayed?" Hee! C.J. thinks for a moment and says, "I could have sworn I saw it." Everybody's all, "Ahhh! Now she thinks she saw it."

Ron sticks his head in to say they're back up. Toby asks what the sniper's deal is. Ron explains that he was a lone gunman with a death wish, hoping the first agents on site would kill him. Ron says it's called "suicide by cop." He thanks them for their co-operation and leaves. Will says he's heading to Andrews. Toby wishes him a safe flight. Everybody cashes out and packs up. Debbie counts her wad of money. Toby asks C.J. if she's going home. She says she will shortly; she's going to let her staff know the authorities lifted the crash. Toby leaves, saying, "See you in the morning." Because what else would they be doing on a normal Saturday morning but coming into work? C.J. glances at the clock, which shows that it's almost midnight. She sits down, and concentrates on trying to get an egg to stand upright. It seems to be co-operating, so she slowly lets her fingers float away from it as she says softly, "Guys? Hey, you guys?" The egg stands alone. Predictable as anything, but that smile sells it. Could I be any more of a sucker for Allison Janney?