Angel Maintenance

Air Force One. C.J. is having a discussion with Steve, Mark, and Katie in the press section about whether they left Manila today or yesterday or whatever that is highly reminiscent of dialogue we've heard about time zones on this show before, particularly in "Ellie." People have an astounding amount of trouble with time zones on this show. The only thing they seem to be sure of is that it's night, although Steve is vague on that point. Katie's hair is really getting long and she looks convincingly worn out, given the eighteen-hour flight. I think she should go for a cut and some colour when she gets back to D.C. That should perk her right up. The pilot, Lieutenant Colonel Caplan, announces that despite the fact that Colonel Weiskopf just told them they were beginning their descent, they've been asked by Andrews to stay in the air a bit. The pilot assumes that there's a problem on the ground, and that they'll be waved in soon.

In the meeting room on Air Force One, POTUS is on the phone while Ed and Larry stand by. POTUS says that someone is telling him that the recertification deadline for Colombia is tonight: "Is that right?" Larry says it is. Jed goes back to talking to Leo, asking if he hasn't already signed those papers. Leo explains that the statute requires POTUS to have an in-person briefing on the current situation, and that they'll have someone ready to do it in the car once Jed lands. Jed says, "Just to check, they're going to tell me that the narcotraficantes are running the Parliament but that we should recertify them as an ally in the drug war." Leo says it's a pro forma thing: "It's better than having them as an enemy in the drug war." Jed: "You mean calling them an enemy."

Charlie comes in with Colonel Weiskopf, who wants to talk to Jed. Colonel Weiskopf asks Ed and Larry to excuse them; Jed asks Leo to hang on. Colonel Weiskopf tells Jed there's no problem on the ground. The problem is that the nose wheel indicator light isn't working, and they have no way of knowing whether the front wheel is locked. They think it's most likely a problem with the light: "An F-16's been scrambled from Durbin Air Base; they'll be here in twenty-two minutes." They'll fly alongside and try to get a look at the wheels. Jed wonders what happens if they don't have their wheels. Colonel Weiskopf says there are a number of options, and assures Jed that he will keep Jed briefed. Colonel Weiskopf leaves and Jed goes back to Leo: "Listen...we've got a problem up here." Credits. Hey, Dul Hill did get top billing! Woohoo! Go, Dul! You da man. Okay, I know it's not the same kind of top billing Rob Lowe's agent negotiated for him -- the alphabet is the real hero here -- but you know, I'm sure Dul Hill isn't dwelling on that.

When we return, Leo is reassuring Jed that this just sounds worse than it is: "It's a thirty-cent piece of plastic." Jed: "Well, it should cost more, don't you think?" Leo tells him one of thousands of comforting stories involving wheels falling off planes, from his days as a military pilot: "If they'd dug a grave for me every time I lost an indicator light..." Jed reminds him the plane is full of reporters. Leo says that C.J. will know what to do. As Jed ends his call, Charlie brings Will and C.J. in; Jed asks Charlie to stay. C.J.'s wearing an interesting blouse -- more feminine than the ones she usually wears. It's a translucent blouse over a camisole. It's a lot more tasteful than it sounds from that description. Jed tells them about the indicator light and the fighter jet flying beside them for visual confirmation. Jed: "Here's the tricky part..." C.J.: "'Here's the tricky part'?" Jed says that the press can't know what's going on, because the Nikkei's about the open, and also, you know, national security: "We can't broadcast that Air Force One is up in the air over West Virginia and can't land." C.J. says she'll run with the "problem on the ground" fiction. Will wonders what they will tell the reporters when they see the F-16 out the window. C.J. says that will take some thought.

As they leave, C.J. asks Will to give her some tarmac jargon. Will says they shouldn't provide too many details, but obliges with "runway incursion...a maintenance truck spilled fuel on the runway they want to use." C.J. walks toward the press section, asking Ed and Larry along the way to go talk to Will for a second. She addresses the reporters by commenting on the woman in the front row, saying, "Has anyone else noticed that Chris has been on the phone for the last twenty minutes but hasn't spoken?" Another Chris. I'd forgotten about her, I think. Seriously, where do I send the baby name book? I want all the Mikes, Marks, and Chrises to show up in the same episode sometime. Chris gestures and says, "Hang on." C.J.: "Hey, who remembers Dial-a-Joke?" A reporter asks what the hell is going on. C.J. gives him the fuel-spill tale and says she doesn't know how long it will take to clean up. Chris gets off the phone and draws C.J. aside in the nearby vestibule to tell her she just got off the phone with a stringer they use on the Ivory Coast, who has double confirmation that there were "friendly fire" deaths in Kundu a few hours ago. C.J. thanks Chris and gets on the horn to Leo.

Josh is in the Roosevelt Room having a meeting with Lloyd Braun and some other people. Serenity now! They're debating whether whatever it is they're working on has too much regulation, or feels like it does. Josh tells him to stop thinking like a Republican. It's fine that he is one; Josh just doesn't want him to think like one: "It's cleaning up Chesapeake Bay; it's not regulation, and regulation is what Congressmen do." Make up your mind. Some folks in the forums are disgruntled about the missing article in "Chesapeake Bay." Apparently it's supposed to be The Chesapeake Bay. I wouldn't know, but I'll take their word for it because they live there and Aaron Sorkin lives in Hollywood. Or thereabouts. Lloyd says that Republican Congressmen look out for local business. Josh: "Well, when the Chesapeake starts turning fluorescent colours, local business is going to have a bigger concern." Not to mention that pesky three-eyed-fish problem. Lloyd says that's why he's supporting this bill. Josh says that's why POTUS is signing it. They go back to arguing about whether it feels too regulated. There's some good-natured ribbing, and then Donna comes in with a note for Josh. She looks really good in this episode, by the way: she's wearing a paisley shirt in white, taupe, and charcoal brown tones, and really flattering brown pants. (The brown might be a soft black but it looks brown on my screen.) Her hair's in a sleek but unexciting ponytail. Before Josh reads the note, he asks Lloyd what "Chesapeake" means. Lloyd says it means "Big Shellfish Bay," and asks whether Josh has ever spent any time there. Josh hasn't. Lloyd says it's incredibly beautiful. Donna gently prompts Josh to read the note; he says aloud that there was a fuel spill on the ground at Andrews, and they have to clean it up before POTUS can land. Josh says he has to go back to his office, and suggests that Lloyd and the other staffers move on with the work.

Out in the hall, Josh whispers to Donna, "They're having a problem with their landing gear." Donna: "I know. I wrote the note." Josh: "No, you wrote, 'They're having a problem with their landing geak.'" Hey, it's our old pal Continuity, in for a visit from Mandyville. How the hell are ya? Donna says they have to stay up in the air and check it out. Josh says he wanted POTUS to look at the Medicaid rules; Donna says she'll fax them up there.

As they're walking toward their offices, Josh runs into two attendees at the Hey! It's That Guy!-fest currently going on in the White House. I guess they're between seminars on "How to Leverage Your Law and Order Gig into a One-Season Role on ER" and "New Growth Opportunities Playing Terrorists." It's Congressmen Segal (Gregory Jbara) and Simmel (George Wyner, whom I actually remember from as far back as All in the Family). Simmel and Segal have heard about the "fuel spill" problem and shoot the breeze about that. Simmel gestures toward the Roosevelt Room, where he can see Lloyd Braun, and asks Josh, "You were working with Landis?" Josh asks Donna to fax that stuff and get C.J. on the phone. He hands her the note. She studies it and says, "It's an R." Josh: "It's a K." Donna leaves, and Josh tells his pals that it's about "Chesapeake Bay clean-up." Simmel complains that Landis is a vulnerable Republican: "You can't hand him victories. You're giving him his seat back." Josh argues that it's a victory for the White House: "It's a bipartisan bill." Josh says the Republicans hate it because it's an environmental bill, adding, "It's incredibly regulatory." Simmel: "I don't care, it's got his name on it. He's delivering Chesapeake Bay to Maryland. They are going to reelect him." Josh says he appreciates their thoughts and starts to walk away, but Segal and Simmel dog him, Segal telling him that some Hill Democrats call the Bartlet reelect "the lonely landslide." He suggests that some people feel POTUS wanted a Republican Congress. Josh dismisses this as absurd. They rag on Josh about helping one of the most vulnerable Republicans. Josh says they've got a divided government: "We should go on a hunger strike?" Segal: "Do you want to take back the Hill or not?" Simmel: "Because if Hill Democrats don't think your hearts are really in it..." Josh: "Then...what?" Segal: "There's a reason they're calling it a 'lonely landslide.'" He reminds Josh they've talked about this, and then suddenly gives up and the two of them leave. They pass Toby in the hallway.

Toby tells Josh he just heard. Josh says Donna's getting C.J. on the horn. Toby: "I sent Will to the Philippines in my place." Josh replies: "It's not like they're not gonna fix it. You don't have to feel guilty about it." Toby: "No, I mean, thank God I sent Will in my place." Heh. Hey, don't be too hard on him: he's about to have twins. Josh and Toby enter Leo's office. Leo tells them the plane's about five minutes away. Toby points out that's about all the time C.J. has, because there's a wire service guy on the ground at Andrews whose job it is to record the wheels-down time, and pretty soon he's going to want to see this fuel spill. That must be a hell of a boring job. Leo isn't too worried about that guy on the ground: "Twenty White House reporters are about to see a supersonic fighter jet two hundred feet outside their window. It's gonna be a story, but he's gonna be down by then." Leo then tells Josh and Toby that the U.S. lost five guys to "friendly fire" in Kundu, the result of a GPS error. Leo tells Toby he needs him to talk to Mark Richardson right away, because Richardson's speaking at Brookings tomorrow, coming out against the country's involvement in Kundu. Toby says they knew he felt that way. Leo says they didn't know he was saying so, particularly at the Brookings Institution: "So let's see what we can do."

Outside, Josh asks Toby how he'd like to be the guy who has to explain to the victims' loved ones that they were killed by a computer error. Toby asks if Simmel and Segal were giving Josh a hard time about the Chesapeake clean-up. Josh: "They're not big fans of mine." Toby clarifies, "I meant 'cause of the nuisance of having to circle around up there when I said, 'Thank God I sent Will instead of me,' not 'cause of the other thing." Josh knew. Sure, Toby.

Will comes to tell C.J., Ed, and Larry that the F-16 is going to be along the right-hand side of the plane, and that they're going to be in the area of Harper's Ferry. C.J. tells Ed and Larry to look for something to look at around the Blue Ridge Mountains. Ed's surfing the net like crazy. Larry looks on. C.J.: "Anything with lights or fireworks?" Ed says it's Wildflower Week at Shenandoah National Park: "Lilacs, ochre, crimson..." C.J.: "Do they light up?" Will says they're nowhere near Shenandoah National Park: "It's a whole different state." He says he was looking at "Blue Ridge Mountains." C.J. suggests a festival of lights, or perhaps astronomy: "Is there a comet?" Charlie comes along to fetch C.J. and Will. Couldn't they just send out the Army to set off some fireworks somewhere? I'll bet they've got some pretty impressive pyrotechnics at their disposal.

Charlie, Will, and C.J. go to what seems to be a mini-Sit Room, where POTUS tells them that the deaths in Kundu of five infantrymen have been confirmed. Jed says he'll notify the families when they get on the ground. He tells Will he was supposed to be briefed on the Colombia recertification thing in the car on the way back to the White House, and wonders if Will is in a position to do it on the plane. Will wonders if Jed wouldn't rather have somebody from State. Jed says the statute specifies that the process has to be done in person. Will says he can do it, and asks what he's certifying. Jed does a coat flip and tells him that they're certifying that Colombia's an ally in the drug war. He asks what the plan is, regarding Operation Lame Distraction. C.J. says that Ed and Larry are looking for something in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Jed: "At night?" C.J.: "Something with lights." Jed wonders if that's going to work. Will: "I don't see how it possibly can fail."

Will exits the washroom. Think he was throwing up again? He seems subtly nervous or uncomfortable about being on the plane at all, never mind the complications. Is it the plane, or is he still a bit jittery about his new position? Maybe that will become Will's little signature -- we see him coming out of the washroom a lot. He strikes me as a puker. Not in the bulimic sense. Oh, you know what I mean. A bit of a Nervous Nellie. Just a bit. Enough to be endearing and not annoying. You know, unless he goes around smelling like puke or something. C.J.'s waiting for Will, and tells him that the F-16's a minute away. They simultaneously wish each other good luck. There seems to be a little understanding about who's going to try to distract the press. C.J. says that Will has to do it: "I screw with them all the time. They're not going to buy it from me." Will says they're not going to buy it from anyone: "That plane's going to be really close." Has no one considered just getting the reporters really, really drunk? I think it's worth a shot. C.J.: "It's not worth a try? Look at me, look at my face. It's not worth a try?" Will: "'Look at me, look at my face'?" C.J.: "Listen..." Will says he's going.

Will walks into the press area and announces, with forced enthusiasm, that the Colonel just told them they're going to go by something incredible: "And you hardly ever get to see this; it's going to be out of the left side of the plane." One reporter, in that pesky way reporters have, wants to know what it is. Will tells them they have to come over to the left side. He says they're over the Blue Ridge Mountains. I really want them to stop saying "Blue Ridge Mountains," because every time they do I hear that damn John Denver song and I have enough problems without that kicking around in my head, too. Hey, I grew up in a town with only one radio station that only played country music. I've been damaged for life. As they all come over to the windows on the left-hand side and huddle together to peer out the windows, Will says: "There's a Festival of Lights and Bonfires in this region that accompanies something called the Wildflower, you know, Renaissance, with lilac and ochre." Very convincing. One reporter: "That you can see from 33,000 feet?" Will: "Yes, it's arranged in a pattern that befuddles astronomers to this day." Hee. "We should be coming up on it any..." Suddenly, Chris -- who's been on the phone all this time and never left her seat on the right-hand side of the plane -- shouts, "Oh my God!" She's seen the F-16. That gets the peanut gallery's attention, and Will says, "Of course, on the right side of the plane, there's an F-16 Falcon." C.J. exhales heavily. Steve: "C.J., what the hell's going on?" Katie: "He's on our wing!" Someone asks, "Have we been attacked?" Phones are being dialled frantically. C.J. seems unsure about what to do for a moment as the cabin starts to go crazy; finally, she picks up the phone and tells Signal to cut off all the press phones. Isn't that the sort of thing you would have done in advance, like while Will was peddling his Wildflower Renaissance story? I'm just saying. Their connections to the outside world shut down, the reporters turn to C.J. for an explanation. She tells them that there's a problem with the plane's landing gear. They all start calling her name.

Jed's waiting at the bottom of some stairs with Ed and Larry. Colonel Weiskopf comes down to tell Jed they haven't been able to see the landing gear yet because it's a moonless night and they can't see under the plane. Wouldn't they have, like, some really big, cool, high-powered flashlights or something? I don't know. Jed asks what's . The Colonel says they do a fly-by at Andrews Tower to take a look. They'll have to fly pretty close at a low altitude. Jed: "We can't just stay up here for a couple of days and wait until there's a moon?" Wouldn't the, you know, daylight help you out before the moon waxed itself sufficiently? The Colonel says they'll let the boys in the Falcon poke around first. He adds that they'll have to refuel pretty soon. He leaves. Jed asks Larry to go tell C.J. about that. Hey, he knows which one is Larry! I wonder when that happened.

Back in the press cabin, C.J. informs the reporters that none of them is in a position to file right now. One reporter complains that Air Force One isn't landing and has a military escort. C.J.: "That's the story you'd file? You wouldn't mention the landing gear?" Steve says they'd mention that along with the maintenance truck and whatever she tells them . C.J. says that was an honest effort to avoid panic. Well, it was an effort, anyway. She knows they would have ended up knowing the truth in the end. She tells them that they're not broadcasting that Air Force One is in distress, due to very real security concerns and the fact that it is a world market event. Come on, would any reporter in this day and age, on this plane, have a problem respecting that? C.J. says the story's embargoed: "If a cell phone appears in violation of FAA regulations, Amy Gardner will impound it and throw it in a pot of stew." No, she just says it will be confiscated by a steward. Same thing. Will has just been informed by Larry about the refuelling, which he whispers to C.J. She tells the press that, too.

C.J. and Will escape along with Larry into the vestibule where she asks, "How do they do that?" Will explains that a KC-10 will land on top of them. She looks at Larry. Will assures her that they know how to do it. She goes back to the press cabin to tell them about the mid-air refueling, explaining that it means the authorities think they're going to be up there a while longer. C.J. leaves the reporters to kvetch amongst themselves.

Margaret hands Leo a document and asks how long the plane can stay up. Leo says that, theoretically, it can keep getting refuelled in the air for months. They agree that they don't see that happening. He says they'll get a thumbs up or down from the Falcon. Margaret: "And if it's thumbs down, they lay down foam?" Leo looks at her and sharply tells her, "You guys shouldn't be talking about it out there, all right?" She nods. Margaret, bless her heart, I think she means well, but the woman is a monumental security risk when it comes down to it.

Josh arrives and Margaret leaves. Leo asks about Josh's conversation with Simmel and Segal. Josh says they're very pissed that Tom Landis (a.k.a. Lloyd Braun) is sitting in the Roosevelt Room. Josh points out that Landis didn't storm the gate. Leo: "Well, they would have preferred he had, to your opening it for him." Josh understands that the House is angry the Democrats didn't take back the House, and blames the Democrats: "Stopping all bipartisan legislation is like saying 'Let's blow up the place. Maybe voters'll hire us to rebuild it.'" Leo says he's with Josh, but that he needs them to make a small change to the Chesapeake legislation, adding a tax on local businesses. This is something the Caucus Chair and DCCC want. Josh agrees, and says he's all for it, but that Landis has to sell this to Republicans. Leo says they have to take it to Democrats, and that it's reasonable: "We put the same provisions in Superfund." Leo yells for Margaret to get him the Sit Room, and tells Josh that Air Force One just took on another four hours of fuel. Margaret calls out that the Sit Room's on line one. Leo picks up the phone and asks, "Major, are we comfortable any longer with the plane up there by itself?" "By itself"? Isn't there an F-16 riding shotgun and a KC-10 having a very intimate relationship with it? The Major says something with which Leo agrees. He reminds the Major about the wire-service guy at Andrews. There's a shot of Josh looking sad and tired. Leo advises them to get some fuel spilled out on a runway they won't need. So...wouldn't they just use another runway, if that were really the problem? I'm sure there must be more than one runway at Andrews. He hangs up and yells for Margaret to get POTUS on the horn. He tells Josh that the 22nd Tactical Fighter Wing, with missiles armed, will be accompanying the plane.