Arctic Radar

C.J.'s waiting for POTUS as his limo arrives. She wants to tell him about a story he's going to hear this morning. Jed: "Uh huh. Am I a character in this story?" C.J. supposes that's up to him. She pedebriefs him that Navy pilot Lieutenant Commander Vicky Hilton has been arrested by military police and charged with having an affair with a married (and inferior) officer. Jed doesn't see himself being a character in this story. C.J.'s just giving him a heads-up.

Leo walks up and C.J. takes off. Leo asks Jed how it went. Jed thinks it could have gone better. We're not made privy to what "it" is. Jed comments that he didn't think adultery was against military law. Leo explains the military doesn't like fraternization, but that Hilton's crime isn't the affair; it's failure to follow an order. Apparently, she was told to stop and didn't. Leo says she can receive up to a two-year jail sentence. Jed: "For failure to follow an order?" Leo: "Sure." Jed: "We should have that here."

Jed and Leo enter a large meeting room full of people; everyone stands and applauds. Jed makes his way to his seat and welcomes everyone to the final Cabinet meeting of Bartlet One: "I don't know if this is true, but a Presidential historian told me that this was the most stable cabinet since Hoover's. Which is nice, but you gotta think, how many other jobs were really available?" Polite chuckling. "But here are facts: you created over nine million new jobs, and the highest home-ownership rate on record. More than 150 new trade agreements. You created the largest expansion of college aid since the GI Bill. Cleaned up over 500 toxic waste dumps. And you did it all while eliminating 16,000 pages of federal regulations. Not bad for government work. Thank you." He stands up, as does everyone else, and he walks out. Leo nods to Carol, who's standing in the back of the room, and she appears to kind of shoo a camera person and perhaps a reporter out of the room. Everyone sits back down. Leo says, "I'll add my thanks, and I'll need your letters of resignation by 7:00." Credits.

C.J.'s briefing the press. A reporter wants to know if they're concerned about the acceleration of the Shehab missile tests. C.J. says they are, as are all the Bahrain signatories, and that they are expressing their concern through the appropriate channels. Someone asks for a preview of POTUS's APEC address. She says he's been working out some new material that's killing them on college campuses. She jokes that there'll be a one-hour special based on the APEC address called Bartlet: In the Thick of It. She has no previews. She says, "I'll finish with a little housekeeping for those who don't know: in a two-term Presidency, as a matter of courtesy, the President's cabinet resigns without being asked, giving the President the option of hiring them or not, rather than firing them or not. Those resignations will be submitted today." She ends the briefing. One reporter wants to talk to her afterward about the seating assignments in the room. She says she moved the news magazines to the fourth row. He naturally wants to know why. She assures him that it isn't a thing, and explains that there are cameras in the room now that show part of the gallery and not just the podium. Since the newsmagazines aren't there every day, their front row seats are empty and it doesn't look good. Mitch doesn't care for this: "You can't just do this...it's a slap in the face!" C.J. calmly tells him she didn't mean it as one. He insists it is. C.J.: "Mitch, I put you in the very first row I don't care about. Of the things I don't care about, I put you right up front." She takes off.

Toby follows her through the hallway telling her she should amend her comments in a statement to reflect the fact that the resignations are effective whenever they're effective. C.J. says she did. She asks Toby, "He's going to remember he doesn't say a word about labour without running it past the local AFL?" Toby says he is. She adds, "And he's gotta go door-to-door. He hasn't lived there since he was eighteen." Talking about Sam, I guess. Toby says Sam knows. She says, "Speaking of which: high-school snapshots." Hmm? Toby says he knows.

Toby and C.J. split off and Toby wanders into Sam's office, where Sam is packing up his things. He's taking his framed Navy Jack flag poster off the wall. Maybe you'll have better luck with that "don't tread on me" sentiment out in California, Sam. Toby complains that Sam's taking his Laker banner: "'Cause there's a shortage of them in southern California?" Toby tells him to leave it, and leave the stapler. Sam: "It's a West Wing office. Someone's going to use it for ninety days." Which means I guess Sam will be back just in time for the end of sweeps and a swan song in maybe early to mid-March? Sounds about right. In the meantime, maybe we'll get phone conversations with him where we don't even see him, we're just told it's him on the other end of the phone. ["Maybe he'll be like Mulder, and we'll just see his back as he runs across a field, really far away from the camera. And other than that, he'll just be out running errands." -- Wing Chun] We'll see less of him than we would of Donna or C.J. if Janel Moloney or Allison Janney had sprung a pregnancy on the producers, I'm sure of that. Hey, wouldn't that be a gas? Then Donna'd have a reason to tote Sparky's cardboard boxes all over the place. Toby says they might need a stapler: "It's ours." Sam puts it back. Sam seems a little touchy -- not that I blame him. Or maybe it's Rob Lowe I don't blame and I'm just getting them mixed up. Who knows anymore? Toby says he's been travelling a lot. Sam says he had to go get nominated and set up his office out there: "And then meet every member of the California Democratic Party." He approaches Toby and says, "Listen, there's no way I'm going to be able to help with this. Which is worse for me than it is for you, but there's never gonna be the time." Toby wasn't counting on it. They discuss using other staffers but Toby pooh-poohs that idea: "There's no one on the speechwriting staff who can do this. It's okay." Sam says it's a pretty big job for Toby to do by himself. Toby emits a "no shit" chuckle. He asks Sam if he's going to remember the local AFL: "You gotta go door-to-door. You were eighteen when you lived there." Sam knows all that and sarcastically asks Toby, "You want a hug?" Sam looks both boyish and tired in this scene. Toby suppresses his HoYay impulses and tells Sam to put the banner back. He leaves, saying, "See you week." Sam watches him go, and then stuffs the banner into the box anyway.

Josh arrives at work and comments to Donna that there are some new people. She follows him into his office, explaining that Cabinet Affairs provided temps so there'd be extra staff support during the vetting period. Josh says, "Which is good..." Donna: "But?" Josh: "I'm not one to give fashion advice..." Donna says, smiling, "No, you're not." Josh has trouble saying it, but finally chokes out his problem: one of the temporary staffers is wearing a Star Trek pin. He wonders if today is a special Star Trek holiday or something. Donna: "How the hell would I know?" Sing it, sister. Josh wants Donna to find out, and if it's not, well, he feels that the Star Trek-pin-wearing employee is not the most "confidence-inspiring sight" (unlike Josh in his hipwaders); he wants Donna to ask her to cease and desist. Donna is alarmed to hear the employee is a woman. And what if it is a special Star Trek holiday -- The Feast of the Psionic Transmutation of Synthetic Meatloaf into Turkey or whatever -- then does she get to wear the pin? Josh asks for his briefing memo; Donna hands it to him and he starts off for his meeting.

Donna follows Josh out, saying she's doing him a favour and now she wants him to do her one. Josh points out that when she's paid to do something, that's not a favour. She endures the mini-lecture and then tells him...oh God, this is so ridiculous and childish and embarrassing I can't believe Janel Moloney and Brad Whitford have to play this. I can't believe I have to recap it. Sigh. She wants Josh to ask Jack "Sparky" Reese if he likes her. I only wish I were making this up. Josh: "Wow. I'm definitely not going to do that." Donna asks him how many "girls" she's gotten for him. You know, if Mandy and/or Amy are examples of her work, Josh should tell her to stop already. He wonders if Donna's talking about the women who come up to her and ask if he's Josh Lyman. Donna says she's said "yes" every time. Josh says he'll properly ID Sparky for her. Donna says all Josh has to do is introduce himself to Sparky, remind him that Donna works for Josh, and see if Sparky says anything. Josh: "I can't, Potsie, Ralph and I are double-dating with the DuBrewski twins." Seriously. It's not even quite that advanced, Josh. Though I know I've seen Fonzie and his waterskis around here several times. Donna says she's asking very little: "And you know, you know how lame I am with this!" Oh, for the love of Germaine Greer. Grow a spine and ask the man out! Also: I don't think I'm buying her "lameness" act: she's attractive, talkative, engaging, warm, and friendly. Does she really have so much trouble connecting with potential partners? I mean, the ones that slightly more responsive than Sparky is? Josh says, "That's true." Donna figures out that he's been giving her a hard time because of the crack she made about him giving fashion advice. She asks if he'll do it.

As Josh and Donna round a corner, Josh sees Amy signing in at Security. He asks what she's doing there. (The perennial question.) Donna explains that Amy has an appointment with Josh right after his senior staff meeting. Donna tells Amy they're running about fifteen minutes behind. Shouldn't Josh be at that meeting then, in order to avoid the wrath of Debbie? Amy: "At 10:00? That's like, a half-hour ahead." Donna: "I know. We're very proud." Josh wants to know what he's meeting with Amy about. Donna gets Josh to say he'll talk to Sparky and takes off.

Amy walks over to him as Josh figures out what the meeting's about. Amy says, "It's about Vicky Hilton. And I'm here in no official capacity and I'm wielding nothing. But the League of Professional Women is going to represent her, and they've asked me if I could help get them time with the President." Amy and Josh start walking as Josh tells her that there's no way the White House is going to get involved in it, because it's a military thing. Amy says that civilians run the military: "Not only is it okay for you to get involved, you're supposed to. It's the law." Josh: "And the Commander-in-Chief chooses not to overrule his commanders." Amy: "He chooses to do that without hearing informed argument?" Josh: "Yes, 'cause then when he says, 'no,' I got a problem with women." Aw, wimmin! Always throwing monkey wrenches into the smooth operation of government by men. It's "The Women of Qumar II: Electric Bugaloo." Amy replies, "Except that my friends and I can give you a problem with women right now." Josh wonders, "What happened to 'I came wielding nothing'?" Amy: "I forgot that women just got him re-elected. Evidently, you did too." Josh smirks and snipes, "'Evidently, you did too.'" Good grief. We really are in middle school here. Josh gives Amy an odd sequence of smirky smiling expressions. Brad Whitford seems to have lost a lot of weight or something. Amy just smiles at Josh. Oh, just kiss already. It's not like either of you is going to do any better. After a pause, Amy says: "I met her last night. This is a special girl. I want to speak up for her." I don't find it at all credible that Amy would refer to an accomplished female fighter pilot as a "girl." It's a lot more believable when Leo does it, for example. Also, what's so special about having an affair and disobeying orders when you're told to stop? Josh sobers up and says they'll talk in fifteen minutes. They start to go their separate ways as Amy mockingly echoes, "All right, we'll talk in fifteen minutes." Josh turns and jokingly says, "Shut up." Amy: "You shut up." Leo enters the hall in time to catch this last exchange and mutters as he walks between them, "Oh, God help me, some days." Sing it, brother! Can I get an "Amen"?

Sam arrives at his campaign office in California, and his workers all applaud. He tells them they don't have to keep doing that. He runs into Will, who's wearing very casual clothes and looking comparatively relaxed. Sam asks him where he decided to go for his vacation; Will tells him he's going to Nice. Sam thinks that's a good choice and says he likes to stay at the Beau Rivage but thinks that might be a little pricey for Will. Will: "Actually, I'm going to stay at the Villa Ephrussi de Rothschild at Saint Jean Cap Ferrat. It's not a hotel, I guess, quite so much as it's...well, a castle." Sam asks if this is a family connection. Will says it is. Sam: "All of Europe's a family connection for you, isn't it?" Will: "Parts of Asia." He says his plane leaves in three hours, and tells Sam that he still has to put the County Clerk in the boat, and that he has to remember Nina Mercer and light rail. Sam says he wouldn't ask Will to postpone his vacation if it wasn't important. Will wonders when he was asked that. Sam says he's obviously about to. Will: "Well, then, your shoelaces are untied and I'm hauling ass!" Sam says that Toby needs Will's help with a Presidential speech. Will says the White House has an OEOB full of speechwriters. Sam says that not everybody does this kind of speechwriting: "And at this particular moment, not anybody over there does this kind of speechwriting." Will wonders if Sam wants to do something about that. Sam: "I would, Will, but I don't work there at the moment." Will: "I won. I'm sorry. How many times do have to say I'm sorry?" Sam says Will's not done yet. Will says it would be a privilege and the thrill of a lifetime to help write for the President, but he's just too worn out from the campaign to do it well: "A guy died from it. This campaign had fatalities. When is the President giving his speech?" Sam: "January 20th." Will: "The President is giving two speeches on January 20th?" Sam: "No, just the Inauguration." Will: "Sure. And Toby wants me?" Sam says he does, because of the Tillman speech. I wonder if Toby knows this yet. Sam says Will's flying in that direction anyway and he thought he could stop in Washington and meet with Toby. Will agrees. Sam says he'll set up the appointment. Will says he'll change his flight plans. Sam very quickly scribbles a note and hands it to Will, telling him to give it to Toby when he gets there. Rob Lowe seems kind of listless in this scene -- not that I blame him. For those of you only reading for Sam-related material, you can check out now. Thank you for flying with Air Deborah. We hope you enjoyed the woefully meagre portion of undersalted cocktail pretzels. The weather in Newport Beach is...well, the pilot has no idea, but she's sure it's a hell of a lot warmer than where she's from.

Tuesday. C.J.'s briefing the press again. She's gotten her hair cut a little shorter and has heavier bangs again, which I like, but her hair is kind of sticking out in various directions like it was unsuccessfully ironed or something. She tells a reporter that POTUS is fully committed to Kyoto. Mark wants to ask about Vicky Hilton, but before he can even get his question out, C.J. interrupts and directs him to the Pentagon. She calls on Mitch , who asks about the seat reassignment. She seems caught slightly off-guard and tells him they already talked about that, but expresses willingness to talk more in her office. Mitch: "You made a unilateral decision." Yeah, well I think this is her show, buddy. C.J. thinks so too: "Well, it's my house, Mitch. But as a matter of fact, I consulted with White House Correspondents' Association." Mitch: "I think you changed the seating because you don't like our coverage." Dude, it's Sherri Wexler II: Electric Boogaloo. Have not these foolish mortals learned that they shouldn't mess with C.J.? She replies, completely unflapped, "Or your attitude. But that's not why I changed the seating. Thank you." She walks off the stage. Mitch squirms a bit.

Josh comes back to tell Donna he's going to see Funkmaster Funky Fitz. He notes that the offending staffer has removed her Star Trek pin and thanks Donna. Donna says the staffer is kind of worked up about it. (Said staffer is still smirking to herself about the Captain Janeway tattoo on her back, though.) Josh asks why. Donna doesn't know. Josh sighs and tells Donna to hang on. He walks over and introduces himself to an unhappy-looking redheaded woman with black cat-eye style glasses, working at her computer. She introduces herself as Janice Trumble. He starts to explain that he just wanted her to take off her pin around the White House. She informs him that she's appealing his request to her supervisor, Stacy. Seriously? As a temp in the White House you'd really want to make this big a mountain out of this particular molehill? The temps in this place are really something, I have to say. Every one of them talks to senior staff like she's the Commander-in-Chief. Josh points out that he's Stacy's supervisor. Janice: "Okay, well, you got the cards. But Star Trek and the entire Starfleet series is about honour and loyalty and civic duty and the fact that you don't think that those are characteristics that should be displayed inside the White House is sad. But I wouldn't expect you to understand those kinds of things. Anything else?" She says all this without ever looking at Josh. Josh says no and walks away. ["Not that it's really the appropriate venue to discuss such things, but I do agree with Janice that Trek is about all that stuff. She might want to save it for Beat the Geeks, though." -- Wing Chun]

Josh runs into Donna again who says, "See what I mean?" Josh puts his finger to his lips and says, "Shh, shh, shh!" Donna: "What?" Josh: "She is...well, one of the special people." ["Allow me to join in the juvenilia and opine that it takes one to know one." -- Wing Chun] Donna agrees. Josh says that Janice has taken off the pin and they're going to let it be. Donna says she's assuming Josh hasn't talked to Sparky yet. Josh says he hasn't, and asks her what she thinks about the Vicky Hilton problem. Donna: "I think you know what I think." Josh: "No, I mean whether it's right for the White House to be involved." Donna says that's a harder question: "I've been thinking about it and I..." Josh tells her she's gotta go faster time. He's at the Mural Room door already. She walks away.

Josh enters the Mural Room and finds Fitz sitting on the couch, reading the newspaper. He's wondering who he's going to write to about his problems with Leo now that Ann Landers is getting her mail delivered by groundhogs. Josh says he hopes he hasn't been waiting, Fitz lies that he never gets to read the Sports section anymore. He tells Josh he thinks he knows what this is about. Josh: "Yeah, there's going to be pressure from women for the President to intercede, and I was hoping we could find a way to intercede without involving the President." Fitz replies, "These things are handled at the Commander's level in the Navy, and I wouldn't step in unless it's the President's pleasure to order me." Mentally he adds, "Which I pray it is not." Josh understands, but adds that Hilton isn't just any pilot: "She's like Jackie Robinson. She's busted a lot of barriers. She's the first woman at Miramar, first woman to fly the F-14 Tomcat, she teaches on an F-14...I guess at this point I don't have to give you her rsum." Fitz: "No. But could you tell me more about Jackie Robinson and breaking barriers?" Heh. Josh laughs at himself. Fitz smiles and winks. Josh asks: "Just out of curiosity: if you could step in, would you save her?" Fitz: "No. I'd discharge her, dishonourably, and I'm sure that's what's going to happen." He gets up to leave. Josh says it just doesn't seem right to him. Fitz knows it doesn't. Josh: "Admiral, you know I have all the respect in the world for you, right? And if I didn't, I'd respect the uniform, the rank and the position, anyway." Fitz: "What is it, son?" Josh says he feels like he has to go to Leo. Man, Josh looks dwarfed by Fitz in these shots. ["Fitting, since Josh is dwarfed by Fitz, in every meaningful way." -- Wing Chun] Fitz: "Good. That's the way it's supposed to work." He leaves.

Anyway, Josh figures out that there's no symphony and no people at the Arctic Circle. Sparky: "On the other hand, Sunday night does last six months." Josh awkwardly launches into trying to correct Sparky's impression of Donna, much to Sparky's continued puzzlement. He finally tells Sparky that if he wanted to ask her out, she'd probably say yes. God, this is painful. Sparky: "I'm new here, and I want to do well, and I don't want to get in between anything." Good thinking. Stay the hell away from these two and their grade-school, pigtail-pulling...relationship, for lack of a better word. Josh, clueless as ever: "'In between anything'?" Sparky sighs heavily, and spells it out for him: "I have an aide, who, in my life, I haven't talked about as much as you've talked about Donna in our entire relationship, yours and mine, which is a cumulative total of seven minutes old." Josh is Deputy Denial and assures Sparky that he doesn't like Donna that way: "Tell me your aide's name; I'll ask her out, we'll double." Sparky: "Chief Petty Officer Harold Wendell." Josh: "I got the fuzzy end of that lollipop." Heh. Yeah, you wish. Also: Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Sparky: "I don't know, Wendell's not cute cute, but he's so funny." He makes quotation mark gestures around the first "cute," but not the crooked fingers kind, the two fingers straight-up kind. Not much better. Josh says they're done talking about Donna...except of course, he's not: "Whose full name is Donnatella, by the way...Mom's Italian, Dad's Irish." Boss's a dumb-ass. Josh leaves and Sparky just kind of snorts to himself. If the light were any peachier in here, I'd think Frank Bielec was working for the show now.

Oval Office. Jed's raving to Charlie as he signs stuff, "He's wrong. Leo's wrong. Are we to live with the assumption that there are no men in the services who've committed adultery?" I'm not sure that's the argument anyone's making. Jed: "I don't know what's worse, being stupid or pretending to be stupid. Tell him that." Charlie says, "Yes, sir."

Jed decides to do it himself. He walks to Leo's office door, bursts through it, and -- ignoring the person Leo's meeting with -- declares, "Eisenhower and Kay Summersby, a subordinate...Hammond with the wives of two junior officers. So GI Jane gets a court martial; GI Joe gets a short film on hygiene? That is all I have to say to you." He flounces out, leaving Leo looking slightly bewildered.

When Jed reaches his desk again, Charlie asks, "Feel better, sir?" Jed says he forgot to tell Leo something else and heads for Leo's office again. Leo's already on his way through the door, holding up the Uniform Code of Military Justice and mentioning Article 134: "Which exists to ensure that soldiers will risk their life [sic] for each other. I think you'll agree that without that, there isn't much point in having articles 1 through 133. Nobody ordered Eisenhower to stop seeing Summersby." Jed snaps, "That's right! Because men don't give that order to other men!" Leo: "Excuse me, but did you not fire our ambassador to somewhere in South America, I can't remember, 'cause he was messing around with..." Jed says it was the daughter of the President of Brazil. Actually it was the Bulgarian Ambassador who was having an affair with the Prime Minister's daughter. Or, you know, maybe they're talking about another incident altogether. Or maybe both their memories are going. Or maybe mine is. Jed says that presented a political problem for him. He adds that he didn't fire the ambassador, he asked him to resign, and set him up in the private sector: "And if you think the difference is semantic, look up 'dishonourable discharge' in there. Look up Fort Leavenworth." Well, I think the real issue is whether there's a double standard in the way punishments are applied to male and female members of the military. I believe the answer is yes, and I hope they're going to get into this in future episodes. Vicky Hilton shouldn't be given a free ride because she's a woman, never mind a very talented one; nor should she be subject to stricter discipline than a man in her situation would be. What's love got to do with it?