Process Stories

Shout-out to JohnConstantine.

It's Election Night, 12:15 AM. Everyone's celebrating in the West Wing as the coverage of the election continues on television monitors -- to which no one is really paying much attention. The talking heads are discussing the distinct possibility of the late Horton Wilde winning the California 47th. The camera drifts gently around the room until we get a glimpse of Donna sitting in Toby's office, where the only light is coming from the bullpen and the televisions. Then we see Sam sprawled out on Toby's couch with a drink in his hand. He's telling Donna, "He said...what he said was this...he said, 'a probable impossibility is preferable to an improbable possibility.' The impossible is preferable to the improbable. What did he mean? He meant that it's okay to have a broomstick and sing and dance, but you shouldn't turn on the radio and hear the news report you need to hear." Donna's perched on the arm of a chair, with her chin in her hand, listening empathetically as Sam goes to the zoo. Donna: "Want some cake?" He doesn't. Well...what kind? Donna doesn't know: "Cake." Sam: "They have flavours." She really doesn't know. Sam: "It was a confluence of events that I'm saying, if you pitched it to a Hollywood movie producer, they'd tell you that Aristotle says, a probable impossibility is preferable to an improbable possibility." Yes, I'm almost certain that's what the average Hollywood producer would say. Especially Jerry Bruckheimer. Donna doesn't think so either, but says she sees Sam's point. Sam: "The Midwest, the RNC exits, a dead candidate...a rainstorm! It's Aristotle all over the place." Donna turns Toby's televisions off. She suggests he join the party, since everyone's asking for him. Sam: "You really don't know what kind of..." Donna: "It's cake! It's cake." Sam says that when he talked to Kay Wilde she had tears in her voice and that her husband loved POTUS: "Admired his integrity. Yes, we're big on integrity. By the way, when I said I'd run in his place, it's not like I meant it." Donna walks over to Sam, saying they should go to the party. She reaches down to take him by the hand; Sam dutifully raises his hand. But she doesn't just grasp his hand; she puts her hand about halfway down his forearm and slides it up to his hand until their hands are clasped, as she gently pulls him up and he allows himself to be pulled. It's not lewd at all, just a small, sweet, intimate thing. Why these two aren't seriously dating is just an enormous mystery to me. I know Sam would be worried about stepping all over Josh's toes, but frankly, if the situation were reversed, I doubt Josh would lose any sleep over it. Go for it, Sam. She convinces him that there are TVs everywhere, and that he'll know the minute they're ready to report the results. He says she's right.

Sam and Donna arrive out in the bullpen just in time to see the report from Newport Beach. Sam sighs gently, knowing what's coming. As the very excited reporter begins her segment, Sam asks Bonnie and Ginger to get him Will Bailey and Kay Wilde very quickly, but I'm not sure they hear him, especially since everyone's applauding this unlikely Democratic victory. But there's Bonnie on the phone in the background. Sam bounces up and down nervously as the reporter says that Chuck Webb has conceded the election. Sam asks again for Will Bailey as Donna watches Sam. The anchor asks the reporter who the Democrats might run in the special election. Sam: "Get him! Gotta get him!" I'm thinking that ship's sailed, Sam. The reporter says that there's no official word yet, but that she can report a rumour that's been making the rounds. Sam, exasperated: "Of course you can! Why not?" The reporter makes her announcement as the people around him in the room fall silent. Sam looks at the stunned faces surrounding him, especially Bonnie's, and says quietly to the guy to him, "They're talking about someone else," as the news program throws up a picture of him. Sam suddenly calls out, wondering if anyone knows where Toby, Josh, and C.J. are. He hustles into the hallway shouting for them; Larry tells them, "They're over in the...thing." Sam makes his way through a crowd of people, quickly saying "Hi" to one of them, then through the empty hall near Donna's cubicle until he arrives in C.J.'s office, which is lit with lamps with gauzy red scarves draped over them, candles, and a blue lava lamp. Toby, Josh, and C.J. are there. C.J.'s on the phone, and she says to Josh, "Sam Donaldson from the ABC Nightly News program is on the phone. He'd like to know if the President is endorsing Sam." Josh asks Toby if POTUS is endorsing Sam. Toby, smoking a stogie, says he doesn't know. "He's asleep, but let's go ask him." Sam just looks exasperated. They all get up to go and Sam says, "All right," and closes C.J.'s door. Credits.

Sam says that it's extremely easy to explain: "First of all...okay...how familiar are the three of you with Aristotle?" Josh, Toby, and C.J. all start talking at once, and Sam says he said it for the widow: "She wanted a name for election night and I said, 'Use my name,' not thinking for a second it was ever going to be a practical option. Can I ask, is your office now The House of Rising Sun?" He gestures to a scarf-covered lamp. C.J.: "Yes." Toby: "You did it for the widow." Sam: "Yes, and for a guy I met named Will Bailey who was running the campaign and worked his ass off and never backed off and, by the way, navigated a dead liberal Democrat to a win against Chuck Webb! Five hundred races tonight, that was pretty impressive. Though it was an Aristotelian confluence of events that could only happen to me." He sighs. Toby glances at C.J. Sam says he has to talk to the widow. C.J. advises him to talk to POTUS first. She reminds him that Bartlet will be asked about it first thing in the morning, and shouldn't be left in the position of looking like a clueless dummy. Sam sees the wisdom of this and takes off. As he leaves, Toby watches him go and then turns back to Josh and C.J. with the sweetest little smile on his face. It's hard to say whether he's amused at Sam's predicament or busting with pride, or both -- though I prefer to believe the latter -- but it's adorable as heck.

First Bedroom, fire and candles burning, Dean Martin singing, "Love Me, My Love." Jed, in light blue pyjamas and dark blue robe, is fixing drinks and talking to Abby, who's in the bathroom/dressing room: "I don't want to intimidate you, but it turns out I'm the first Democrat in twenty years to make a clean sweep of the Plains states. And I'm not just talking about Iowa and Nebraska." Abby asks, "Are you trying to turn me on now?" Jed, gently shaking the cocktail shaker: "Yeah." Abby appears at the door, still in her red Election Night suit, and says, "All right." She disappears again, as Jed says, "I won the Dakotas, the Badlands, the Black Hills..." Hee. Badlands. He continues: "But let's go down, way down, to the Deep South and the yoomid bayou of Louisiana and its nine electoral votes." He pours drinks and dabs some gin or whatever behind each ear. "What manner of man it must take to win the state, which, by the way, is the only one operating under the Napoleonic Code of France. And I still don't know what that's all about, but back to me..." Abby appears again, still in her suit, as Jed hands her her drink. She asks, "Hon, this is, like, nerd hot talk?" Jed asks, "Who's your Commander-in-Chief?" Abby simpers and puts on a twelve-year-old voice and says, "You are." That's definitely more than I needed to know. Jed clinks her glass (is that what the kids are calling it these days?) and says, "Yes." She wanders off again as Jed says, "And do the ladies like him? Oh yes. To the tune of 58%."

There's a knock on the door and Charlie comes in, looking wearily apologetic. Jed says he thought they had an understanding about interruptions tonight: "I thought we were men." Charlie explains that Sam needs to see him. Jed tells Charlie to send Sam in. Sam comes in, saying he hopes he's not there at a bad time. Jed, in his robe, holding a drink, asks: "No, what would make you say that?" Sam takes in the candlelight and the Dean Martin and remarks, "Actually, it looks as if I couldn't have picked a worse time." Jed, quietly: "No, no, you could have and I'm not going to take any chances, so let's do it now." Sam tells him about the Wilde win and informs Jed that he might be asked if he's endorsing the Seaborn campaign. Jed: "Am I?" Sam says he's not really running. Jed, raising his glass: "Then I'm behind you 100%." Sam starts to explain his promise to Kay Wilde, when suddenly Abby appears at the door again, wearing nothing but a dark blue satin pyjama shirt and high heels. Great legs. I should look so good when I'm fifty-eight. Hell, I didn't look that good when I was eighteen. Abby flirtatiously says, "Hello, Mr. President," before she sees Sam standing there, and then leans against the door frame, sighing, "Oh, my God." Jed laughs, "Yeah, look, honey, Sam stopped by." Sam looks sheepishly at Jed. Abby says, "Hi, Sam." Sam turns to look at her, smiles, and says, "Hi." Jed: "Eyes front, mister." Sam says he'll have everything taken care of within a few hours, and that Jed doesn't need to worry about it. As he leaves, Sam asks, "Is this Dean Martin?" Jed says it is. Sam: "Good." Jed: "Thank you." Out in the hall, both Bonnie and Ginger are waiting for Sam; he asks them to keep trying Will Bailey for him.

Wyatt Victory Party, 1:15 AM. Toby arrives and is congratulated on Andi's win, as well as on his impending fatherhood. He gets called "Papa." Aw. Toby wonders where Mama is. She's in the middle of the crowd, toasting the "great state of Maryland!" Toby runs up to her and tells her not to drink the champagne; she assures him, "It's ginger ale, crazy boy." Don't you think Toby's just going to be the cutest, fussiest dad ever? Cannot wait for May. I'm already ferklempt; I should be a right mess by then. Toby: "Yeah, okay...ginger ale can be bad according to the latest studies." Commissioned by Pepsi, I'll bet. Andi puts her arm around Toby and shouts, "My man got the President reelected tonight!" Everyone cheers and raises their glasses. Then Andi plants a big kiss on Toby. He puts his hand on her cheek while they kiss. And it's not a peck or quick smooch. She kisses him on the mouth. I am not making this up. People, I nearly fainted. Even rewatching this I can hardly believe it. I am dumsquizzled. All that "just kiss already!" stuff must work. It must be the new keyboard I got lost month. I wonder what else I can conjure up with my magical keyboard. Maybe if I type "peace on earth" a million times...? Anyway, Toby says, "That was very pleasant." Andi laughs.

Toby asks if they can talk for a second and leads Andi off the little platform they're on. She grabs a cracker or hors d'oeuvre or something as they go. Toby says she won with 85% of the vote. Andi says she doesn't really understand the 15%, but what the hell. Eighty-five percent? Wow. Hey, I love Andi, but who was she running against: a jive-talking robot? ["If there were more jive-talking robots, I might start watching again." -- Wing Chun] Toby: "As long as you scraped by with a win. Look, a...a statement." Andi says they've already been through this. Toby reminds her that Roll Call has the news of Andi's pregnancy, and that Toby and Andi have to deal with it. Andi says she doesn't. She starts to wander away. He says, "'Congresswoman Wyatt, are you pregnant?'" Andi: "'None of your business.'" She should say "none of your beeswax" because that's much more effective. Toby says she can't withhold that from her constituents. Andi: "That reminds me, did you hear the rumour that the President has multiple sclerosis and never told anyone?" Toby: "Yeah, did you hear the rumour that there was a Congressional investigation and it almost detonated his Presidency?" Andi can't believe Toby's worried about her: "I just won by 85%." Toby says he's not worried about her. She knows: he's worried about how it looks to have a senior counsellor fathering children out of wedlock. Toby: "Yeah, you know what? Single moms are a lot more sympathetic than deadbeat dads, so I wouldn't gallivant." Andi smiles, puts her hand up to Toby's cheek, and says, "You're not a deadbeat dad." She lets her hand rest on his shoulder; he reaches up and rests his hand on her upper arm. Toby: "I know that, and you know that, but if I can't protect my kids, their mom, and the President all at the same time, then I've gotta quit my job, so can you help me out?" Andi: "Yes." Toby: "You'll make a statement?" Andi: "No, but when they ask me who the father is, I won't tell them that, either." She wanders away again. Toby: "I'm the father!" Andi: "And of course, you're at your leisure to tell them that." Toby looks around quickly and asks, "Eighty-five percent of what kind of backward population votes for this woman?" Andi: "The good people of Maryland." She turns to the crowd and calls out, "Maryland!" They all raise their glasses and echo her. She smiles and flounces off. Toby drinks.

"Someone To Watch Over Me" is playing softly as Leo and Jordan dance on the portico. I am not making this up. Leo's giving Jordan the same kind of patter about voting results that Jed was feeding Abby. Did they get together beforehand and work out their strategies for getting laid? I'm just asking. Jordan's holding a single red rose. Leo twirls her. Jordan warns Leo gently, "If you walk me through every demographic, I think the night's not going to have the kind of happy ending you're hoping for." Leo smiles and says, "Got it. Good tip. Keep 'em coming." They snuggle closer as they dance. John Spencer has a fantastic smile. Jordan giggles softly. She suddenly says, "Colonel!" Leo: "Yessss, ma'am." Jordan means the guy standing between the curtains. Leo turns and looks about as thrilled to see him as Jed was to see Charlie and Sam. Less even: Leo knows this is likely to be a much bigger interruption. The Colonel asks if he has a second. Leo says he does. Inside, the Colonel tells Leo there's gunfire in Caracas, Merida, and Valencia. Oh, they're probably just firing shots of joy over the U.S. election results. Or, you know, not. The Colonel continues naming a bunch of bases where there's been movement. Leo: "What about GV?" The Colonel says they stopped broadcasting. They'll be ready to brief in fifteen minutes. Leo goes back to Jordan, swipes the back of his hand decisively under his nose, snorts a bit, hoists up his britches, and says, "Sorry, missy, there's some man's business I gots to attend to." Okay, he actually leans on the pillar and asks, "Can you hang around for a minute? There's about to be a coup in Venezuela." She's holding the rose up by her clavicle, looks at him all dreamy-eyed, and says, "Yeah."

C.J.'s office is packed with drunken staffers singing "House of the Rising Sun." C.J.'s draped across the top of her desk, which looks like it also has one of those fibre-optic light fixtures on it, and she's watching the news coverage. As the drunken crowd drones on, C.J. hollers, "Shh! Hey hey hey with the singing of the song!" She turns up the TV to hear something. An anchor is asking someone to "walk [them] through the tea leaves...what were the indicators for you?" "Walk us through the tea leaves"? The hell? There's a slightly smarmy blow-dried youngster on TV taking all kinds of credit for advising the President on his winning campaign. C.J. watches him through narrowed eyes, and wonders aloud if anyone knows who he is. Josh says, "I think he won the election." Larry and Ed explain that it's Chris Whitaker, a pollster Bruno contracted out of Illinois. C.J. takes off, admonishing the staff, "Don't break things." I think most of the people in the room are too tired and/or inebriated to get up to so much mischief as popping a balloon, frankly. ("Is that what the kids...")

As Josh and Amy walk toward Josh's office, Amy's rambling about all the elections they apparently bet on and which ones she won and how much he owes her. She's up ninety bucks, but says there's a bond issue in Jasper, Alabama that's going to put her in a new pair of Manolos if it goes her way. Josh, struggling with the lock on his door: "So the guys at Lexington and Concord, they didn't die in vain." He pronounces "Concord" the way it looks, which I'm pretty sure irks a lot of people, especially Bostonians. I believe it's supposed to be pronounced "conquered." Amy says no way. Josh tells her about the Sam thing in the California 47th. She knows; she already heard. Josh rambles on about all the extenuating circumstances as Amy wonders if Josh would like her to open the door. Josh finally does so. Amy mentions that she helped Will Bailey raise money. Josh: "For a dead candidate. Of course you did." He rambles on that Sam's going to have to have the worst conversation of his life with Kay Wilde. Amy says that Sam should run; that's what she came here to tell him. Josh says he'll get killed. Amy says that tomorrow morning, they're going to be dealing with a very angry minority which feels the President didn't do enough to make it the majority. Josh: "Angry House Democrats. I'm shivering. Hold my hand!" He adds that the President's coattails were long enough to get a dead Democrat elected in Orange County: "Any Congressman complaining..." Amy says, "Will be smoothed over if the President sends a top lieutenant, still shining from victory, on a suicide mission to Disney's California Adventure." Josh asks, "You're ahead ninety bucks?" Amy says yes, and reminds him it's early. He tells her to give him his coat. She unwraps her scarf and takes off her coat, revealing a tight, strappy, fairly short red dress. It seems like a little much for what's basically an office party where most people are in business attire. As Josh gawks, she holds out her coat expecting him to take it, instead of throwing it on the chair like a normal person, or you know, hanging it up herself. In a mild dress-induced stupor, he says, "What?" Amy says she didn't say anything. He says her coat will be here. She says she's going to go collect money. He says, "Enjoy," as he watches her go. He hangs up her coat, and paces behind his desk for a while, muttering to himself. He suddenly calls out, "Donna!" She takes half a nanosecond to appear and asks, "How'd you know I was out there?" Josh says he could feel her lurking. He asks her to get Will Bailey on the phone.

Marriott Hotel, Newport Beach. Out in front of the hotel, Will's walking along and being congratulated by someone who passes by. Will thanks the person for his hard work, muttering to himself: "Don't know who you are." Elsie Snuffin comes scampering out of the hotel yelling for him: "Come back to the par-tee!" She climbs through the planter. She's wearing a sleeveless dress that is off-white on the top, with a taupey/flesh-toned band underneath the chest that's stitched to a high-waisted black skirt. It gives the distinctly odd effect that she's wearing a bra with a tube skirt pulled up high. Hell, maybe she is, I can't tell in this light. Will says he's going to sleep, any second now. Elsie says it's the greatest night of his life, and asks, "You're going to sleep?" Will says, "Special reward." She says it's the shank of the evening, and all kinds of volunteers want to dance with him, and he knows what that means. Elsie asks if he's ever going to enjoy himself. Will: "I just beat Chuck Webb; that was a pretty good time." She tells him she's so proud that he's her brother. So he really is her big brother? What happened to Will being the youngest? He says, "Me, too," a couple of times, meaning he's glad she's his sister. I'd like an explanation of the family situation here. It's kind of a big continuity glitch for two new characters both introduced in the same short span of time. They're step-siblings? What's the deal? Will keeps heading away. She keeps trying to persuade him to come back and he refuses. She finally relents, and before he takes off, he tells her, "Don't be wearing that dress all in front of...aw, never mind." He gestures with exasperation and walks off. She just smiles as he leaves and then turns back.

Sam nods at Amy and then looks at Josh. Josh realizes that this is his cue to say something convincing. He says, "I think you'd energize the state party. We're not going to let you look like a fool. We won't allow it." Sam asks Toby, who's standing at the back of the room behind C.J.'s desk, what he thinks. Toby says, "I don't think you should do it. Energizing the state party's good. A well-funded airing of the issues is good. So's mollifying House Democrats, but you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? You're going to lose. A Democrat's always going to lose in the 47th." Except, didn't a dead one just win? Isn't Sam at least as good as an old dead guy? Toby continues, "You can't just pick up and try someplace else. They have a name for that." Sam kind of shrugs: "I don't know. I don't know. I worked in a State Assembly race in Manhattan in a district where Democrats outnumbered Republicans sixteen to one." He then tells an anecdote about how there was this one right-wing nutbar/candidate who wanted to eliminate the income tax. The guy was so persistent with his appearances and attempts to engage the media that the Democrats finally had to comment on it. Sam asked his campaign manager what they were doing, since neither his candidate nor their issues stood a chance. The campaign manager told him, "This is what I believe. And no candidate gets to run in my district without speaking to my issues." Sam says, "I came this close to voting for him. So...I don't know about what you just said." Toby thinks for a moment and says, "Then I think you should win." Sam doesn't say anything but sort of gives Toby a little smile. Bonnie arrives, saying she's finally got Mrs. Wilde on the phone. Sam says, "All right," a couple of times. C.J. asks, "'All right,' what?" Sam says, "All right." He asks Bonnie to get him Will Bailey on the phone, too. He wonders if the rest of the Fab Four think he's still up. C.J. and Josh are all, "Oh, yeah." Bonnie takes off and Sam says, "I'm gonna take this call." Josh says, "We'll go with you," and they all follow him as the Music of Rob Lowe's Really Leaving plays.

Leo arrives back in his office to find Jordan curled up on his couch under an Air Force blanket, half-asleep. She rouses herself and Leo says, "Boy, you're in the Air Force, the private sector, the Labour Department, two Presidential campaigns, and rehab, and you think you've seen it all but it turns out you haven't. 'Cause Sam Seaborn is going to be the Democratic candidate for Congress in Orange County." Jordan chuckles and says she thinks it's terrific: "But I would have thought you'd be unhappy." Leo replies, "Why?" Jordan says he's going to get crushed, and she doesn't think it would reflect well on POTUS. Leo: "Well...let me tell you something about process, Dr. Kendall. And I'll do so while tuning this radio to WNKW, 'The Music Of Your Life.' And begging the sun for one more moment of moonlight." That last line really hit. He delivered it perfectly. There are times when I think this show should just be all John Spencer, all the time. He continues, breaking the mood more than a little: "Speaking of the moon, Luna took power tonight. About three dozen people are dead, and Ignacio's under arrest. He'll be dead soon." Jordan: "Well...Luna's who you wanted." Leo replies, "The process matters more than the outcome and that's what we wanted. And therein endeth the lesson." Jordan smiles. Leo stands up, flashes her his beautiful smile, and asks, "Will you dance with me?" She says, "Yes," and gets up. They dance into the dawn. If Amy's still taking bets, I'll wager that somebody in the West Wing gets some tonight.