Shibboleth

Previously on The West Wing: a wonderfully executed montage where each major character explains their job function. I'm not sure exactly why they chose to start this show this way, but it was very entertaining nonetheless.

We're at the 24th Street Terminal, San Diego Harbour. It seems to be very early morning. There are cops and helicopters everywhere, as well as the Coast Guard. Commander Cale, a member of the Coast Guard, is giving instructions on a walkie-talkie. A fellow in a suit drives up and jumps out of his car and introduces himself to Cale as Joseph Russo of the INS (Immigration and Naturalization Service). Uh-oh. Cale explains that they're holding a ship called Horizon about a half mile offshore. There are about a hundred Chinese refugees from Fujian province, and they're going to need translators who speak Mandarin. Russo says they've got them. (Russo looks to me to be a minor Hey! It's That Guy! I can't think where I've seen him before, though.) Cale asks whether they're talking about expedited removal; Russo says it's not up to him. Russo runs back to his car, and Cale takes off.

It's evening at the White House. Sam is reading his draft of a speech to Toby. "Well over three-and-a-half centuries ago, strengthened by faith and bound by a common desire for liberty, a small band of pilgrims sought out a place in the New World where they could worship according to their own beliefs...and solve crimes." Toby, sprawled across an office chair, swivels toward Sam and weakly asks Sam to just read the thing. Sam: "It'd be good!" Toby's not amused. Sam explains, "By day they churn butter and worship according to their own beliefs, and by night they solve crimes." Toby continues to beg Sam to just read the thing, but Sam continues: "Pilgrim detectives." Toby asks, "Do you seem me laughing?" But he's not mad, just tired, I think. Sam replies, "I think you're laughing on the inside." I have to agree. They're in casual clothes, which for Sam is a black sweater and dark blue jeans and for Toby is a plaid shirt and sport coat.

Toby gets up to go sit to Sam, just as C.J. bustles in, apparently in a fair hurry. She's wearing a pink sweater seat and blue jeans, and looks a lot more stylish than you'd think anyone could in that outfit. Why are women like Alison Janney not models? She's ten times more attractive than Claudia Schiffer. I'm just asking. Also, her hair looks really cute and has recovered from last week's run-in with the Notre Dame hat. She asks whether either of them have heard of "uh, I don't know, the something, the...Jamestown Mayflower Daughters of the American Revolution Preservation Society?" Bwah! Toby starts to try to repeat this, as C.J. confesses she may have gotten the name wrong, and says they're inviting the White House to participate in some kind of Thanksgiving Revolutionary War re-enactment. Toby replies, "C.J., let's not torture American history completely to death!" Over C.J. interjecting, "Who the hell..." Toby elaborates, "Jamestown was the sixteenth century. The Mayflower landed at Plymouth in the seventeenth century. The fathers of the Daughters of the American Revolution fought in? The eighteenth century!" C.J. crabs, "It's a festival feast of some kind! Who cares?" Sam remarks to Toby that somebody needs to learn the true meaning of Thanksgiving. C.J. continues griping, "Re-enactments and proclamations and Native American corn-husk-hanging contests with Native..." Toby calls her on this last one, and she replies, "Whatever! I'm the Thanksgiving cruise director around here." Sam wonders if it wasn't like this last year, but C.J. reminds him she was extremely ill and running a high fever at this time last year and was sent home. Neither Toby nor Sam remembers this, and C.J. insists that's because whenever there's a big holiday around there, they check out like seniors who are done with finals. Toby claims, "We're writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation." Sam adds, "And possibly a new action-adventure series." Toby says nobody's checked out. Naturally, at that moment, Josh comes up and announces that he was just flipping a nickel in his office and it came up tails, sixteen times in a row. He's wearing blue jeans, a white T-shirt, and a long-sleeved burgundy shirt open over that. I must say, he looks pretty decent. I'm not a member of the harem, but I definitely prefer him in casual clothes. C.J. gives Toby and Sam the look you would expect and announces she's going home. As she leaves, Josh continues fooling around with the coin.

Just then Donna shows up in a pretty darn tight sweater (since apparently her subtler efforts are lost on Josh) and tight jeans and motions for them to come out into the hall. Does the White House observe casual day or something? I am getting the feeling it's Friday (or maybe Saturday, since these people all work non-stop and have no lives. Which, believe me, I can relate to.) As they meander out curiously, you can hear gobbling sounds. Donna introduces Morton Horn from Jasper Farms in Virginia. She says, and he confirms it by repeating it, that he's dropping off the turkeys. There are, indeed, two large cages filled with two enormous turkeys behind them. Nobody left Donna any instructions, and the guys don't know what this is about. Morton wants to know where to put the turkeys. Josh is the first to jump in, directing him to C.J.'s office, but soon all Three Stooges are in on the act and affirming that the turkeys should go to C.J.'s office. Somehow, they manage to keep straight faces. As Donna's about to lead Morton and his aviary baggage away, Toby adds, "Ms. Cregg is gone for the night, and her office is secure, so you should feel free to let the turkeys out of the cage and allow to them to, you know, roam freely, as they were meant to do." As Curly, Larry, and Moe turn to go back into the office, Josh mutters, "Show her who's slacking off..." Toby suggests pizza. Just then, Bonnie comes up and calls Josh to the phone to speak to Commander Cale. They need Josh to sit in on a phone call with the Watch Commander. He asks what it's about; Bonnie says it's something about a boat from China. Josh picks up the phone: "Josh Lyman." Roll credits.

It's a bright and shiny Monday morning at the White House. Josh is meeting with Leo, apprising him of the situation with the Horizon. There were originally ninety-six Chinese refugees stowed away in the hold, but thirteen died en route. The remaining eighty-three are being held by the INS in a temporary detention facility near the water. Leo tells him to brief C.J. As Josh leaves, he asks Leo if he's doing anything for Thanksgiving. Leo says he's spending it with the First Family, and asks Josh about his plans. Josh says that he and Sam and Toby are watching football, and he asks Leo not to mention it to the President because Jed'll just want to invite them for dinner. Leo remarks sarcastically that he thinks as soon as the President hears they're free, he'll ask them to dinner. Josh claims they've been working hard, and they'd rather watch football than listen to a history of the yam in Latin. Leo responds to this by telling him again to brief C.J.

Josh catches up with C.J. out in the hall and tells her about the Chinese refugees and advises her to stay out of the Press Room until he can giver her more information. She asks about the recess appointments; Josh mentions that Toby wants to talk to POTUS about adding a name to the list: Josephine McGarry. McGarry....McGarry...where have I heard that name? C.J.'s surprised and asks if it's being done as a favour to Leo. Josh says it's Toby sniffing around for a fight on school prayer. As C.J. and Josh split for their respective offices, C.J. says, "Well, he'll get one. I'm going to see what's for me in this week of unendurable Thanksgiving nonsense!" Carol hands her some messages and papers as she reaches her office.

C.J. enters her office reading the papers, sets her stuff down on a table, and as she turns to slip off her coat, sees one of the turkeys on her couch; the other's on her desk. I hate to think where their droppings are. Carol appears at the door to tell her the turkeys came. C.J.'s speechless. Donna comes barrelling down the hall, or at least as close to barrelling as you can get in a tight skirt and high heels, saying, "Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait I'm coming!" Donna tells her the turkeys came. Carol excuses herself. Unlike Margaret and Donna, Carol knows when to get the hell out of a room. Donna explains the Three Stooges said the turkeys should go in her office. C.J., with her coat still hanging off her elbows, has no idea what the turkeys are for. Donna reveals that every year on Thanksgiving, POTUS pardons a turkey, and as Press Secretary, it's her job to decide which of two finalists is the more photogenic. She doesn't know about this because she was sick last year. C.J.'s incredulous. Donna starts to tell C.J. their names but C.J. says she doesn't want to know. Donna, ever mindful of what she's told, hesitates and then quickly says, "This one's Eric and this one's Troy." C.J. restates the whole thing to make sure she understands the task at hand. She then says, "Okay, I have actually a Master's degree from the University of California at Berkeley." Donna says that's a good school. C.J. says, "Yeah." We get a shot of one turkey gobbling. Donna mentions that they eat grain, or whatever's around, really, and that Troy doesn't like to be touched. C.J. looks at Troy, coat still hanging off her arms, and says, "Okay, I'd like to be alone now." Donna says she understands and leaves C.J. to survey the turkeys.

Sam runs into Charlie, who's coming in from doing some shopping for POTUS. He explains that he's been shopping for a new carving knife. Sam states, "This President takes carving knives very seriously." Charlie agrees. Sam asks Charlie to tell Jed that he'll need a few minutes to talk to him about the situation in San Diego. Sam runs off to be briefed about that. Mrs. Landingham asks Charlie how it went. As Charlie hangs up his coat, he says he thinks he's got it this time. Mrs. Landingham says, "Well, I wouldn't get your hopes up, dear." Charlie says it's a very good knife. Mrs. Landingham states that POTUS is very particular. As he hustles toward the Oval Office, Charlie comments, "That's one word for it." Mrs. Landingham: "I heard that." Charlie presents the knife to Jed, saying, "I think you'll find this to your liking, Mr. President." Jed's enthused as he takes the knife out of the case, saying, "Yes, yes, indeed I do. The Chef's Choice: twice the amount of carbon which means it will hold a sharp edge up to ten times longer, and you can see the handle, which is texturized molded polymer. It has no rivets or air pockets." My husband talks much like this. I'm married to POTUS, basically. I can't believe Jed's background is economics and not engineering, because really, he has such strong engineer-y qualities. Charlie says he's glad POTUS is happy. Jed continues, "This is an American knife. No German knives for us." Charlie agrees. Jed says, "Good job." As Charlie's about to stride away, pleased with himself, Jed has second thoughts. He doesn't like the balance of the knife. Charlie says he'll take it back. Jed says, "Yeah, you know what we need?" Charlie: "A German knife?" Jed: "Yeah." Charlie: "I'll get on it." Charlie adds that Sam will need some time with Jed to update him on the San Diego situation.

As Charlie leaves, Toby arrives. Jed calls after Charlie, "The Germans know how to make a knife, Charlie." Toby closes the door and Jed asks, "Josephine McGarry?" Toby says she's been put on a lot of short lists; why not pull the trigger? Jed says she's pretty controversial; Toby replies, "That's not a flaw." Jed argues that it is when it's a recess appointment; those are supposed to be appointments that the Senate would not have a problem with, and he knows that the Senate will have a considerable problem with this nominee. Toby: "That's the Senate's problem." Toby reminds Jed that he wants to have a debate on school prayer, and this will start it. Jed confesses he's not wild about the woman: "I've known her for twenty-five years and I think she's All About Eve." Leo enters from his office and asks what they're talking about. Jed says, "Recess appointments." Leo says he's got the final list and reads off three names for various appointments. Toby says they're adding a name. Leo asks, "Who?" and POTUS replies, "Josie." Leo says, "No...no!" Jed continues: "Assistant Secretary for Primary and Secondary Education." Leo asks if his sister called and asked for this. Jed says she didn't call him. Leo says, "I'm amazed." Toby: "She called me." Leo: "I'm less amazed." Leo says to take her name off the list. Jed says that it's not patronage if she's qualified. I get the feeling Leo's not worried about implications of nepotism or patronage. Toby cites her considerable educational background and experience. Leo objects, "They'll bring up school prayer." Toby says, "No kidding." Leo begs POTUS not to get on the back of Toby's horse. He feels it's leading to a fight for which they're not geared up. Toby insists, "We are geared up for it, and if we're not, we should get out!" Leo snaps, "Sure! You first!" Toby offers to take the meetings. Leo replies, "You're damn right! You'll take the meetings, and you'll start with aides to the Republican leadership, and you'll gauge exactly the volume of dumbness with no reward we can expect." Josh and Sam bust in and need to speak to POTUS. Jed tells Toby to take the meetings; he says he's very happy to do so. Josh says there's been a wrinkle in the San Diego situation. Sam says the refugees are claiming that they're Christian evangelicals fleeing persecution. Jed says, "You're kidding me." Josh elaborates, "They're seeking religious asylum." Jed repeats, "You're kidding me." Josh says that the Christian community is going to scream for them to stay, the Chinese government will say to send them back, and the INS is going to say that the law is the law. He adds, "This is a whole new thing." Everyone looks pretty grave. POTUS agrees. You can ponder the implications while we go to commercial.

It's Tuesday. C.J.'s holding a press briefing. She explains that the INS will be conducting something called a "credible fear interview," which does not determine whether or not asylum will be granted, but rather determines the credibility of a detainee's fear of being harmed if returned. Steve, a reporter, asks if the White House will be meeting with leaders of the Christian community to hear their input. C.J. says, "Yes, we will. In the following days we will be meeting with the Reverend Al Caldwell, members of Beijing's embassy, and INS agents. The President has asked Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn to run these meetings, so it's entirely possible by week's end that we will have alienated Christians, China, and our own government." Hee! It's a very funny line, but I can't believe C.J. would say it at a press briefing. C.J. ends the briefing by saying that's all she has on the refugees, and she was going to release the list of recess appointments but is now waiting a day. "I can tell you that the list has been sent to the appropriate committee chairs, and I imagine one of them will leak it to you sometime this afternoon." She reminds them that the Presidential Turkey Pardoning will occur on Wednesday afternoon. Thursday morning, POTUS will give his Thanksgiving proclamation in the Rose Garden, which will be attended by kids associated with various children's social and charitable groups. One reporter asks C.J., "Will you be leading them in song?" C.J.: "I'm sorry?" The reporter explains that the Press Secretary usually leads the kids in song. C.J. glances away, but without hesitating too much -- although I'm sure her tuition bills are flashing before her eyes -- affirms this. As she walks off the podium, she mutters to Carol, "I gotta learn some songs." Hey, what's wrong with "The Jackal?"

Sam and Josh burst through a door as they pedeconference. Sam states, "The guy threatened to blow up a theatre in the name of God!" I don't know who they're talking about, but Josh tells him not to bring it up at the meeting. Sam says, "It might slip out." Josh: "Shove it back in." Someone should have given a certain real-life President such good advice about his, er...never mind.

As Sam and Josh enter the room, they exchange pleasant greetings with the Reverend Al Caldwell and some other guy. For a moment I think Caldwell is Richard Dysart, except a little older and more jowly, which he would probably be by now, except I can't remember whether Dysart's even still alive. Then I realize it's not him anyway. Josh and Sam say good morning to Mary, whom we remember from Josh's run-in last season with the Christian right. She doesn't stand, shake their hands, or greet them; she just launches in with, "Josh, the White House will face considerable embarrassment if the President continues to maintain his stranglehold on indifference when it comes to persecuted Christians around the world." Josh looks at Sam and says, "We're done with...'good morning.'" She says POTUS has to grant the asylum request. Josh says the President doesn't grant asylum requests, the INS judge does. Mary counters that the INS judge will do what the President urges him to do, and adds, "If the President doesn't urge the INS judge to grant asylum, he's going to wish he had." Josh says, "Mary, I swear to God, you're not going to get anywhere in this building by threatening me." Sam asks if it's known for a fact that they were persecuted in China. Caldwell says, "They're Christians." Sam says he believes they're Christians; he's asking if they were persecuted. Other Guy says that they were; Josh wants to know how they know this. Mary says that they stuffed themselves in twenty-by-twenty-foot compartments for a month and a half. "Why else would they be here?" Well, it's not exactly unheard of for people to try to enter the US under fairly desperate conditions for a variety of reasons. Caldwell and the other guy say that the leaders of the Fangcheg Church were thrown into labour camps; and in August three Taiwanese-born American evangelicals were thrown into jail in Henan province for "activities incompatible with tourist status, under which they entered China." Apparently, a hundred of their followers were detained, and a woman was beaten by police for spreading the Gospel. Mary adds that Chinese Catholics are being arrested "by the wagonload" for recognizing the Vatican's authority. Caldwell mentions that an eighty-two-year-old bishop was released after spending thirty years in prison then arrested again; an eighty-four-year-old bishop was tortured until he passed out. He's now in a coma, according to Mary. Caldwell states, "China harasses Christians, Josh. State Department says so, Amnesty International says so, I say so. It is fact." Mary snarls, "And the scores of millions of American Christians, and Christians around the world, will not stand blithely by while religious freedom is threatened!" Sam says, "Sure you will." Josh says softly, "Sam." Sam repeats that they will stand blithely by; they're just not doing it this time. Mary asks if this is about "the play." Sam says, "A guy writes a play called Apostles in which Jesus Christ is gay, and you protest -- fine. But when a guy threatens to blow up the theatre, you guys are nowhere to be heard from." Well, now, Sam, they're only interested in religious freedom, not freedom of speech and expression, and apparently they can't see how those things would necessarily interrelate. Mary says the play was disgusting. I bet she was there on opening night, too. Sam and Mary go at it while Caldwell calls Josh out into the hall. He tells Josh that he doesn't want to get bogged down in a "Mary Marsh mudfight." Caldwell says that he wants POTUS to know that his church will pay out the bond for each refugee, and if his church won't, he will do so personally. Josh thanks him and says he'll pass that along. Toby walks up just then, and Caldwell greets him, saying, "You look determined." Toby responds, "I am, sir." Caldwell says, "Good boy," as he and Josh return to the meeting. Oh, Al, if you only knew.

Toby goes into the meeting with the Republican aides. The first of the four guys starts off immediately by saying that he wants to object to the "totally crappy" way they were informed about this. Toby cites chapter and verse on the President's power to make recess appointments. They tell Toby that they can't just "slip her in." Toby plays dumb, which is never very convincing for a brainiac like Toby. One of them says, "McGarry's sister." Toby corrects them: "It's Mr. McGarry. And her name is Dr. Josephine McGarry." He goes on to refer to her many qualifications and accomplishments. He asks them what exactly troubles their bosses about her résumé. One of them says, "I think you know." Toby admits, "I do, but I'd like you to say it." Another of the aides claims she's "anti-religion." Toby points out that "she's on the Board of Visitors at her church, she teaches Sunday mornings at the Immaculate Heart of Mary school..." One of them says she's against prayer. The fourth guy, who's speaking for the first time, says, "School prayer." Toby asks, "You want to know who else is against it? The Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals. And your problem with her is that while Superintendent, she enforced the law." One of the aides says that seventy percent say the law is wrong. Toby counters, "Laws don't work like that, Wayne! We don't ask for a show of hands!" The first guy starts to say something about "You understand that the Senate Republicans..." and Toby interrupts, "No, I don't. Can you explain it to me using small words and visual aids?" One aide says that it's an abuse of the recess appointment process, and that it's not available to circumvent the Senate's constitutional right to confirm nominees. Toby replies, "Neither is the filibuster. I'll put down my gun when you put down yours." The same guy says that if they don't think she'd be confirmed during session, it's outrageous that they'd try to put her through now. Toby bursts out, "No, what is outrageous is that this would never come to a vote if we did it in session! There's no way the Senate could not confirm her, she's too qualified! This would never come to a vote!" He pauses. "Hold up all the appointments you want, shut down the government, because a teacher did as she was told. You'll have given us a second term, and we won't even have to leave the building, but not because I'm right and you're wrong, though I am and you are, but just because I'm better at this than you are." The fourth guy, the one who's hardly spoken, tells Toby he's not better this time. He pulls a manila envelope out of his briefcase and tells Toby it contains a photo of Josephine McGarry enforcing the law. I guess it's blackmail time. They all watch smugly as Toby looks at the picture. We're left to wonder about it during the commercials.

Mrs. Landingham brings in the refugee, whose name is Jhin Wei. POTUS greets him and introduces himself and Leo. Leo instructs the agents who accompanied Mr. Wei to wait outside. Now, I know there are Secret Service guys posted all over the place outside the office, and I'm sure Mr. Wei has been frisked and searched to within an inch of his life, but really, would it be allowed for an illegal Chinese immigrant to be left alone with the President and his Chief of Staff? Whatever. Jed invites him to sit down, which he does, and gestures to the plate of sandwiches, and bids him to eat as many as he pleases if he gets hungry. Mr. Wei says, "I spent six weeks in a container with the stench of dead bodies and human excrement and you bring me to the White House and all you offer me are sandwiches? I don't need your stinkin' sandwiches!" No, no, no, of course he doesn't say that. Be serious, deborah. Mr. Wei is very composed, genteel, and pleasant. Anyway, they get down to business. Jed asks how he became a Christian. He says he began attending a house church in Fujian along with his wife, and eventually he was baptized. Jed asks how he practices his religion. Mr. Wei says they share Bibles, because they don't have enough; they sing hymns, listen to sermons, recite The Lord's Prayer, and perform acts of charity. Jed asks, "Who's the head of your church?" Mr. Wei replies, "The head of our parish is an eighty-four-year-old man named Wen Ling. He's been beaten and imprisoned many times. The head of our church is Jesus Christ." Jed asks him to name any of Jesus' apostles. Mr. Wei says he'd like to use one of his lifelines. Oh, all right, he doesn't. Jed comments, "If you can't, that's okay. I usually can't remember the names of my kids, or for that matter..." Mr. Wei lists almost all of them. (For the record: Peter, Andrew, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, Thaddeus, Simon, Judas, and James. I can't remember who's missing. Okay, I'm totally compulsive; I looked it up. There are two disciples named James. I forgot about that.) Jed nods almost imperceptibly. Mr. Wei decides to stop playing twenty questions and says, "Mr. President, Christianity is not demonstrated through a recitation of facts. You're seeking evidence of faith: a wholehearted acceptance of God's promise of a better world. 'For we hold that man is justified by faith alone,' is what St. Paul said. Justified by faith alone. Faith is the true...uh...I'm trying to...shibboleth. Faith is the true shibboleth." Jed looks very serious and nods. "Yes, it is. And you, sir, just said the magic word, in more ways than one. Thank you." He gets up and shakes Mr. Wei's hand. Mr. Wei thanks him and leaves. Jed turns to look at Leo. Leo says, "We're trying to sell more 747s to China, already a big customer. We want China to crack down on violators of American copyrights; we're trying to get China to negotiate a settlement with Tibet." Jed says, "Right. We don't have to grant asylum." Leo replies, "If you're suggesting what I think you are, you should know what's happened before." Jed asks, "Where are they?" Leo tells him, "An INS detention facility in Otay Mesa. They're being guarded by INS agents, aided by members of the 22nd Division of the California National Guard." Jed clarifies: "Not the Coast Guard?" Leo says no. Jed asks, "Before...when it happened before...how did it work?" Leo indicates, "You don't want to piss off China, and you don't want to send them back, so you gotta ask yourself, how secure is the INS detention facility?" Jed nods slightly and calls for Mrs. L. He tells her to get the Governor of California on the phone.

It's Thursday, Thanksgiving morning. C.J.'s rushing around getting ready for the Thanksgiving proclamation and the children's song. Toby comes up to her and says, "Hey, Toscanini." She says she's busy. He asks if she's learning the song; C.J. tells him she knows it, and to prove it she recites the lyrics. Toby: "Do you know what it means?" C.J.: "I don't have to know what it means." Toby switches subjects: "Listen, I don't know what you're doing for dinner tonight, but Josh and Sam and I..." C.J interjects, "It's about damn time you asked me, Toby! I have been sitting here for two weeks turning down all kinds of very, frankly, glamorous invitations from people I like a lot more than you. You can't ask a girl at the last minute..." Toby: "Well, if you can't come, that's okay..." C.J.: "No, I can come, I can come, I can come! Should I bring anything?" Toby: "Yeah! Do, do you know how to, you know, cook food?" C.J. doesn't dignify this and tells him they're in the Rose Garden in five minutes. As she enters her office, she sees Donna, who's with Morton, who's absconding with Troy. C.J. wants to know what's going on; Donna explains that Morton has to take Troy back to Jasper Farms. C.J. thinks not; she says they're going to a petting zoo. But evidently the plan is that only the pardoned turkey is going to a petting zoo; the other one is going back to the slaughter. In fact, it's already been sold. But C.J. wants to send both of them to the zoo. Donna points out that Jasper Farms only donated one turkey, so the other has to go back. C.J. grabs her purse, saying she'll buy the turkey from him. She figures thirty bucks might be about right, until Morton says they're two hundred and seventy five dollars. C.J.: "For a turkey?" Morton: "They're specially raised." C.J.: "At the Waldorf?" She decides to pay it, but Morton objects that it's already been sold. She says give them a different turkey. He says they've all been sold. He reiterates the plan that one was to be pardoned and the other returned. C.J. replies, "Yes, and I chose Eric because Troy doesn't like to be touched, which surely we're not going to execute him for!" She orders him to grab the turkey and come with her. He does as he's told.

Jed sticks his head out the door of his office and asks Mrs. L for a copy of his Thanksgiving proclamation. She asks wearily, "Sir, why don't you use the intercom?" He starts to respond, "'Cause..." She interrupts and says, "'Cause you don't know how to use the intercom." He claims he was standing by the door. She suggests that perhaps after the ceremony, he could get one of the fourth graders to show him how to use the intercom. He ignores that and repeats his request for a copy of his speech. She says Sam's bringing it. Just then, Charlie comes in with yet another carving set. He says it's a 1985 Komin Yomada, made in Japan from the finest materials available. Jed says, "Lighter weight blade," and Charlie continues, "Which facilitates cutting and reduces fatigue." Jed claims he once test-drove a Komin Yomada (shouldn't that be test-carved?) and he wasn't wild about it. He's willing to look at this one. Charlie's starting to lose patience a little. He says, "Okay, Mr. President, I say this with all possible respect, but each of these knives cuts, you know, meat. Why is it important..." Jed interjects quickly, "Because it's something we pass on. It's something with a history, so we can say, 'My father gave this to me, and his father gave it to him, and now I'm giving it to you.'" Charlie responds, "Well, okay, sir, but if that's true why don't you already have one?" Jed says he does have one. Naturally, Charlie wonders why he needs a new one; Jed explains that he's giving his away. Charlie says, "To who?" Jed: "Whom." Charlie dutifully repeats, "To whom?" As Jed reaches into his drawer and pulls out an antique box with a ribbon tied around it, he says, "Funny you should ask. Charlie, my father gave this to me, and his father gave it him, and now I'm giving it to you." He hands it to Charlie. He tells Charlie to take a look. Charlie pulls off the ribbon and opens the lid. Jed provides the details: "The fully tapered bolster allows for sharpening the entire edge of the blade." Charlie notes that it says "PR" and says, "I thought I knew 'em all but I don't recognize the manufacturer." Jed says in his soft "I met Abby" voice, "Yeah...these were made for my family by a Boston silversmith named Paul Revere." Well, if I weren't already in tears, I would be now. Charlie is speechless and wide-eyed. Just then, C.J. knocks on the door to call POTUS to his Thanksgiving appearance. Jed tells Charlie, "I'm proud of you, Charlie." Charlie says, "Thank you, sir." It's such a rich, wonderful moment, one you really have to have seen all the episodes to fully appreciate. I sure hope Charlie's thinking about marrying Zoey, because fathers-in-law don't get much better than this. Charlie tells Jed, "Five minutes in the Rose Garden."

Charlie leaves, and C.J. gears up to make her pitch to POTUS. "I'm sorry to ask you this, sir..." Jed: "It's not too late to stop yourself." C.J.: "I need you to pardon a turkey." Jed wonders why he needs to pardon a turkey when he already did one; didn't he do it right? C.J. explains she needs him to pardon another one. Jed asks, "Aren't I going to get a reputation for being soft on turkeys?" Hee! She begs him to just come out and do it, but Jed's not having any of it and wants to know what the hell's going on. C.J. explains about the double turkey trouble: "The more photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's petting zoo; the other one gets eaten." Jed: "If the Oscars™ were like that, I'd watch." Bwah! She pleads. He tells her just to buy it. She says it's already been sold, so he claims there's nothing he can do. She says he can pardon the turkey. They go back and forth, and C.J. insists the high school kid from the turkey place won't know that the President can't pardon the turkey, having no "judicial jurisdiction over birds," as he puts it. The President is not impressed to learn that a kid in high school doesn't know he can't pardon a turkey. Well, Morton isn't exactly the heirloom Paul Revere carving knife of all the knives in the drawer. C.J.'s betting he won't know. Jed complains about overhauling the public school system but agrees in a fairly exasperated fashion to do it. They go out to the area outside his office where Donna and Morton and Troy are waiting. C.J. introduces POTUS. Morton's reaction is, "Wow." Jed: "Well said." He points to the turkey and asks, "Is that the turkey?" Well, I would guess so. Donna confirms this and Jed tells the turkey, "You're pardoned." He starts to leave when C.J. indicates that some ceremony is required. POTUS blathers: "By the power vested in me by the Constitution of the United States I hereby pardon you." Morton says somewhat excitedly, "Okay!" That's the last straw for Jed. "No, it's not okay! Morton, I can't pardon a turkey. If you think I can pardon a turkey, then you have got to go back to your school and insist you be better prepared to go out in the world." C.J.'s distressed that Jed has exposed the jig, and Donna's surprised to learn that the President can't really pardon a turkey. Everyone looks confused. Jed continues, "I'll tell you what I can do. I'm drafting this turkey into military service. In the meantime, somebody will be drafting a cheque, which will have my signature on it so the folks can buy themselves a Butterball." Morton seems okay with this. I do get the impression, though, that at this point Morton would be okay with it if POTUS said he was going to put the turkey in a uniform and force it to perform selections from H.M.S. Pinafore.

Donna and Morton take off with Troy as Sam and Josh show up. Jed says he's still waiting for his speech, which Sam has and hands to him. C.J. indicates that she'll go out and start the singing and lute playing. Jed's response: "Whatever." She leaves and Josh says, "I'm assuming you've heard?" Jed's first comment is, "By the way, the Latin word for yam is dioscorea." Josh says tentatively, "You've heard..." Then Jed switches tracks again, "About the Chinese refugees?" Apparently they've escaped. Jed feigns amazement. Josh and Sam have not exactly been fooled. Jed says the detention centre was being guarded by 22nd Division of the California National Guard: "Now what does it say about our reserve army..." Sam completes the sentence: "That eighty-three men, women, and children who haven't eaten in two months staged a prison break?" Jed doesn't address this comment but reads his little speech: "Well over three-and-a-half centuries ago, strengthened by faith and bound by a common desire for liberty, a small band of pilgrims sought out a place in the New World where they could worship according to their own beliefs." He pauses while that sinks into the audience. He goes on to read the part about how he, POTUS, proclaims this to be a National Day of Thanksgiving. He nods at Sam and Josh. Sam leaves. As we can hear the children start to sing in the background, Josh says, "You asked the Governor to stand down the 22nd Division." Jed adds, "And call in the Red Cross." Jed assures him they didn't do anything illegal and that Josh isn't involved in some massive criminal conspiracy. He explains that there was no way they were letting them go, and they needed to help China save face, so now they can tell their people that the mighty American military was overpowered by...Josh interrupts, "Yeah." POTUS takes his proclamation and starts to walk toward the Rose Garden. Josh asks, "So the guy passed the test, huh?" Jed asks, "You think I would have sent him back if he failed catechism? Let me tell you something: we can be the world's policeman. We can be the world's bank, the world's factory, the world's farm...What does it mean if we're not also...They made it to the New World, Josh. You know what I get to do now? I get to proclaim a National Day of Thanksgiving." In the background, we hear someone introducing the President of the United States. Jed sticks his glasses in his pocket, smiles beautifully, and says, "This is a great job." He opens the door to the Rose Garden, and we can hear the music more clearly now. Josh follows, and a Secret Service agent closes the door behind him. One of the window panels frames the portrait of George Washington behind Jed's desk. And we're out.