Galileo

Previously on The West Wing: Sam had girl trouble, and lots of it; C.J. was kept out of the loop.

C.J. is accompanying POTUS as they walk along outside the White House on what seems to be, (given that it must be nearly December in TWWland, since I expect that the ep is the Christmas episode) an exceptionally warm and sunny day, surrounded by much deciduous shrubbery and foliage. Neither of them is wearing a coat; C.J. is wearing a very spring-y banana-cream-coloured shift and matching knee-length jacket. Does the President have his own personal climate just outside the White House? I mean, not to belabour my problems with geography and so forth, but doesn't D.C. typically get some pretty unpleasant winter weather? Don't they actually get some kind of winter, at least? I miss Strega. She would know. ["I'm not Strega, but I believe you're right." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, they're walking along and POTUS is waxing rhapsodic about Galileo V, and how great NASA is at naming things. As proof, he cites Mercury, Apollo, Atlantis, the Sea of Tranquility, and the Ocean of Storms. Those are pretty good names. C.J. dutifully agrees. POTUS says that when he first heard the name Galileo V, it reminded him of the way people of his generation felt when they first heard of the "Yellow Submarine." I can't decide whether POTUS inhaled. I wouldn't think so. He remarks, "We really did all want to live in a yellow submarine." So maybe he did inhale. C.J.: "I can't believe they gave you people driver's licenses." She mentions that they're going to the Mars briefing rehearsal, and POTUS asks her to say the name. C.J. protests that she already said it. POTUS commands her to say it again, declaring that her imagination, "like a child, will explode with unrestrained possibilities for adventure." I think that should be "like a child's," since most of the kids I see aren't exactly "exploding with unrestrained possibilities for adventure." Most of them seem to be sitting around playing videogames and cultivating an unpleasant mixture of doughiness and aggression. Anyway, C.J. gamely complies, giving it rather more dramatic emphasis than it needs. POTUS tells her that she didn't say it right. C.J.: "I said it fine!" POTUS: "Say it again."

We cut from POTUS and C.J. to the briefing rehearsal. Sam's head pops up on one of the monitors, and he wants to know who wrote "this intro." Sigh. His hair's still long and blow-dried. Will no one heed my cry? There's a big, goofy, very cheesy Galileo V logo on the wall in the background. Get me the art department. That has to be the cheesiest-looking thing I've ever seen on this show. Anyway, some doofus from NASA Public Affairs who's got the nerve to call himself a writer presents himself to Sam, claiming authorship. Sam wants to know whether the guy minds if he gives it a polish. Doofus wants to know if there's a problem. Sam: "No, it's great. You mind if I change it?" Doofus would prefer that Sam didn't, claiming that NASA Public Affairs has cleared the text and he would prefer that, if it's going to be changed, that the President change it. Buddy, if you let POTUS write his own speeches, none of us are ever going home. Sam's already scribbling, though, explaining that that's what the President pays him to do. Doofus attempts diplomacy, saying that they don't want to step on each other's toes, and that they're both writers. Sam interjects, "Yes, I suppose, if we broaden the definition to 'those who can spell.'" Hee! POTUS and C.J. arrive and greet everyone. C.J. starts telling him what's going to happen at the briefing, explaining that he will be flanked on either side by a group of experts from NASA and other high-falutin' scientific and educational institutions. She informs him that there is a monitor in front of him upon which he'll be able to read questions being asked by the kids in the audience. She adds, "I strongly urge you...I strongly urge you..." POTUS: "Yes...I know." C.J.: "I strongly urge you, Mr. President, to act as the moderator and pass the questions off to one of the experts on the panel rather than answer it [sic] yourself." POTUS grudgingly agrees, but has the look of a four-year-old who's been told he can't have milk and cookies. Speaking of POTUS's looks, Martin Sheen has touched up the grey in his hair and now there's a lot less of it. I kind of prefer him in this role with more grey in his hair (and that's coming from someone who generally has no interest in older men). Mind you, it's not like anyone on this show is interested in my tonsorial preferences. Not that I'm bitter or anything. She asks whether he'd like to see some of the questions, some of which they have in advance. The first one appears on-screen: a kid named Katie wants to know why Rob Lowe won't cut his hair. You and me both, Katie. No, actually she wants to know the age of the planet Mars. Jed says that Mars is four point six billion years old. C.J.: "What did I just say?" Jed: "I knew that one." C.J.: "Nobody likes a know-it-all!" Jed: "Yes, God forbid, that while talking to sixty thousand public school students, the President should appear smart." C.J. says that's fine, but "just don't show off." POTUS claims he doesn't do that. (Well, he does occasionally, but I forgive him. ["I should think most Americans enjoy imagining having a President who's really smart." -- Wing Chun]) The question is from a kid who wants to know the temperature on Mars; POTUS raises his hand and whines, "Oh, I know! Pick me! I know!" No, not really. Jed says, "Well, Stevie, if one of our expert panelists were here, they would tell you the average temperature on Mars ranges from fifteen degrees to minus one hundred and forty." C.J. can't wait to tell POTUS that he's wrong, and provides other figures: "It ranges from sixty to minus two hundred and twenty-five." Jed, smiling: "I converted it to Celsius in my head." Hee! C.J. gives up. Jed asks to see the intro, and starts reading it off the prompter: "Good morning, I'm speaking to you live from the West Wing of the White House. Today, we have a very unique opportunity to take part, live, in an extremely historic event whi...whoa, boy..." Sam waves and says, "How ya doin', Mr. President?" Jed wants to know who wrote the intro, which is Doofus's cue to step forward and introduce himself as Scott Tate. As Jed stands and shakes Scott's hand, he says, "Scott...'unique' means 'one of a kind.' Something can't be very unique." As this is one of my pet language peeves, I am so taking this as a personal shout-out and nothing anyone can say will stop me. He continues, "Nor can it be extremely historic." POTUS is my boyfriend. C.J. adds: "While we're at it, do we have to use the word 'live' twice in the first two sentences, like we just cracked the technology? We're also broadcasting in living colour, right?" Scott starts to get defensive, but before he's even got the chance, Jed indicates that Sam should get on the case with the intro. Jed tells Scott cheerfully, "He's going to make some changes." Scott asks anxiously, "You're going to clear them with me?" Sam: "I doubt it." Sam tells a flunky sitting nearby, "Write this." He launches into the following: "Good morning. Eleven months ago, a twelve-hundred-pound spacecraft blasted off from Cape Canaveral in Florida. Eighteen hours ago...is it eighteen hours ago? We're on the air at noon Eastern." C.J. confirms this and he continues, "Eighteen hours ago it landed on the planet Mars. You, me, and sixty thousand of your fellow students across the country, along with astroscientists and engineers from the Jet Propulsion Lab in southern California, NASA Houston, and right here at the White House, are going to be the first to see what it sees, and to chronicle the extraordinary voyage of an unmanned ship called Galileo V." Jed smiles and cuffs C.J. gently on the arm, and gestures toward Sam: "He said it right." C.J. sighs, and the theme music surges. Does not Aaron Sorkin write the best openings on television?

Josh and Toby are in the mess. Josh is trying to figure out how it can be 2:37 PM on Mars when it's noon Eastern and 9:00 AM Pacific time. Toby says that it's in a different time zone. Josh knows that, but doesn't get the thirty-seven minutes. Toby explains that Mars rotates on its own axis once every twenty-four hours and thirty-seven minutes. Toby's got other things on his mind, like the morning's news report which carries a story about how the President doesn't like green beans. The Milwaukee Journal cites an unnamed White House source for this information. Josh remarks, "That's a pretty slow news day in Milwaukee," and adds that he doesn't think it will be a "thing." Leo comes up, asking if they're done, and tells them to walk him out. Josh says, "Leo, ask me how long a Martian day is." Leo: "No, I don't think I will. Toby, do you know how a stamp is chosen?" Toby doesn't; Leo informs him that he's going to learn: "The Postmaster General needs your help." It turns out there's a Citizens' Stamp Advisory Committee, and before Leo can explain any further, Josh comments, "Made up of members of the 'There But for the Grace of God Go I' Club." Leo: "You want to mock people, or you want to let me talk to Toby?" Josh: "I want to mock people." Hee! Personally, I want to do both. Anyway, the Committee has recommended to the Postmaster General that Marcus Aquino be the person to be philatelically memorialized. Leo doesn't say it quite like that, mind you. Leo asks if Toby knows who Marcus Aquino is, and when Toby indicates that he doesn't, I find that hard to believe. Leo explains that Aquino is a former Resident Commissioner of Puerto Rico and a Korean War hero. Toby wonders what the problem is; Josh mentions that he advocated Puerto Rican statehood. Leo confirms that Aquino strongly advocated it. Toby begs him to give this project to somebody else. Leo says, "This is a public face thing! And the Postmaster General wants your help." Toby: "Well, he can wait on line around the block, while two of my twenty teller windows are open." Leo's unmoved and tells Toby to make a recommendation by the end of the day. Josh stands by smugly.

Leo: What are you smiling at?
Josh: Nothing. I just...Toby got the stamp assignment.
Toby: Leo, I might need some help.
Leo: Take Josh. [Leaves.]
Toby: [To Leo.] Thanks. [To Josh.] Congratulations, you're choosing the stamp.
Josh: Wow. That happened fast.

Sam then goes on to find out that she's dating hockey player Richard Andrewchuk, and that they are, according to Mallory's unsolicited comment, having "quite a lot of sex." Sam: "I would think you'd almost have to." Mallory would like to know what that's supposed to mean; Sam wonders what on earth she could have to talk about with this guy. Mallory insists that he's very bright; Sam's glad to hear it because he thinks he's a terrible hockey player. Mallory claims he's had injury problems. She's about to launch into something when someone comes up and hands Sam a message; he reads it and has to take off. Mallory looks peeved.

POTUS is making chitchat during a photo session with the Icelandic ambassador and a woman I presume is his wife -- something about his arms being too short to reach seventh position ["on the trombone, when he used to take lessons" -- Wing Chun]. He makes them giggle with his story, and then catches Sam, staring grimly at him off to the side. He excuses himself to go find out what Sam wants. Sam tells POTUS that he's going to need a briefing from the Pentagon. POTUS thinks that it's about Galileo, but Sam explains that it's about the missile-silo explosion: it occurred while liquid hydrogen was being drained. Yikes. My in-house science advisory staff (i.e. my husband) just explained to me how very bad this is. Sam says that he'll get a statement ready. POTUS is incredulous about the whole thing. Charlie comes up at this point to say that his box is ready. POTUS enters his seating area, and the camera lingers on the Presidential seal above the door as we go to commercial.

Back at the concert, C.J. is pulled out of the audience to take a cell phone call from Toby. She's told by the user who hands her the phone that she has to take the call outside. Charlie follows her down the stairs. C.J. says, "They said 'modern music.' I thought they meant, you know, Jackson Browne." Charlie: "Jackson Browne is modern?" C.J. sighs and says, "He used to be." Anyway, Charlie has a confession: he's the one who accidentally let it drop that the President doesn't like green beans. He was speaking with some writers from a food magazine that makes semi-annual forays into the White House kitchen. C.J. asks him why he said that. Charlie: "Because he doesn't." C.J. asks him how he said it. They asked him if there's any food the President particularly likes or dislikes, and Charlie told them he likes steaks, lobster, spaghetti, and ice cream, and that he doesn't like green beans. C.J. asks whether he left any "wiggle room." Charlie: "'Wiggle room'? What the hell, C.J.? He doesn't like green beans." She points out that they only won Oregon by ten thousand votes, and that she doesn't know how many bean farmers there are out there, but that if there are ten thousand and one, they're screwed. She explains that it's a serious thing now. Charlie says that he's sorry he mouthed off to the reporter, but she's out of her mind. He declares, "Education's a serious thing. Crime, jobs, national security. In eighteen months I've been to Oregon four times and not a single person I've met there has been stupid." C.J. argues that everybody is stupid in an election year. Charlie begs to differ: "No, everybody gets treated stupid in an election year, C.J." She seems to see his point and tells him that from now on, there's no food the President doesn't like. She goes off to take her call from Toby.

C.J. wanders around the terrace talking to Toby. She claims that, as she walked out, one of her rejects booed her. She mentions that she promoted Simon Glaser. She promoted from within. Toby gets on to the business at hand, which is that it looks like it may take a few days to re-establish communication with Galileo. C.J. says, "Days? Oh, God!" Toby thinks she's worried about Galileo but actually, the problem is that she's just spotted Tad Whitney, another one of her rejects. Toby says, "You interviewed Tad?" Let me just say right here that I hate the name Tad. No offense to you Tads out there, but I just can't stand the name. As it turns out, this guy isn't going to do anything to redeem the name for me, either. She says that he's got her in his tractor beams and is walking right over. Toby quickly says, "Goodbye." C.J.: "I'm not very good at confrontation." Toby: "You have no problem with me." C.J. asks, "This time of year, is the water in the Potomac very, very cold?" Toby tells her if she rubs chicken fat all over herself it'll help to insulate her. She begs him not to hang up so that she can seem to be busy on the phone. Naturally, Toby hangs up. C.J. fakes a conversation for a little while longer while she gathers her nerve. He's a smug-looking bastard. ["He's Stratford-minted Canadian actor Colm Feore, who went to high school right across the street from my parents' old house in St. Catharines!" -- Wing Chun] Right away I don't care for him. I will soon find out how right my instincts are. He mentions that he didn't get the position. She acknowledges this. He indicates that he's very qualified and that a lot of people at State thought he was a lock. I think you might have misheard the word "lock," buddy. Tad keeps fishing around for reasons why he didn't get the job: "And it wasn't because I'm a man..." C.J.'s puzzled: "Well, no, Simon Glaser's a man." Tad says, "I suppose. And it wasn't because I stopped seeing you." Ugh, C.J. dated this dirtbag? C.J.'s truly puzzled and incredulous, and insists that it had nothing to do with their history, which she describes as "six weeks, five years ago." Um, please tell me the precision of your memory has nothing to do with still carrying a torch for this mutt. Tad thinks that she might want an explanation of why he stopped seeing her; C.J. seems like she couldn't care less about knowing why this jerkwad stopped seeing her. She's very gracious in the face of this nonsense.

Tad: Believe me, it's not because you were bad in bed or anything like that.
C.J.: [softly, hesitantly] No...I didn't think it was, Tad.
Tad: I mention it, because I know a lot of women who worry about that.
C.J.: I don't.
Tad: You're good in bed.
C.J.: I'm great in bed! [She attracts the attention of a gaggle of bystanding smokers.] Hey, how you doing?

Please, C.J., smack him in the chops. Instead, she continues politely and graciously saying that she's sorry he didn't get the job. He can't believe that she's going to maintain that it wasn't personal. She keeps maintaining this. He claims that he thinks it's personal, and that it's unprofessional, and that people are going to know about it. Dirtbag adds that he thinks she's got a problem now. C.J. replies, "I have a number of problems today and you're not close to being any of them." Tad says he was hoping they could be "adult" about this, but I think that would require both of them being sentient human beings, and we're one for two on that count. She says that she has to go, and informs him that he's going to get a briefing on a Russian missile silo in an hour. Jerkwad won't let up, though: "Playing along with this for a moment, is there anything I should do to improve my chances time around?" C.J. responds evenly, "Well, when we run for re-election, I'd vote for somebody else." We get a shot of the smug bastard staring after her. You can't imagine how badly I want to slap this guy into orbit. Maybe he could locate Galileo.

Sam's outside the concert, hanging around his limo -- or probably more accurately hiding in it -- talking to Josh on the phone. They're working on the statement about the problems with Galileo. Josh asks about Mallory. Sam complains about her sneaking up behind him. "You'd think women would make more noise with those big high heels, but they don't, they've got this stealth thing going which I really ought to be clever enough..." At that moment Mallory taps on the window on the opposite side of the limo. Sam jumps up and tells Josh that Mallory's there. Josh asks how she looks; Sam says that she looks pretty good. She walks slowly around to Sam's side of the car. Josh asks him to describe what she's wearing but Sam explains that she's standing right in front of him and they get off the phone. She says that she thinks he's caught between being mad and wanting to get good seats for home games. Sam takes off his glasses and says that he gets pretty good seats as it is. "I don't know if you've noticed the motorcade I rode over in." She says that she spoke to her dad, and that she's sorry about Galileo. Sam says that there are a lot of tests they can try. Mallory wants to know how much money all that is going to cost. Sam tells her not to start with him. She says she's asking as a taxpayer, and cites the huge cost of losing the thing, and wonders how much more it will cost to make sure they're never going to find it. Sam: "I don't know, Mallory, but we certainly won't divert any municipal tax dollars, which are always best spent on new hockey arenas." Mallory replies, "No, it's best spent feeding and housing and educating people." Sam: "There are a lot of hungry people in the world, Mal, and none of 'em are hungry because we went to the moon. None of them are colder, and certainly none of them are dumber because we went to the moon." I might beg to differ on this point. Mallory wonders, since we have gone to the moon, why we have to go to Mars. Sam says, "Because it's . Because we came out of the cave and looked over the hill and we saw fire. And we crossed the ocean. And we pioneered the West. And we took to the sky. The history of man is hung on a timeline of exploration and this is what's ." Mallory is smiling adoringly at him. She says she knows that they're supposed to be explorers. She just likes to hear Sam talk about it: "You get all puffed up." Sam tells her, "You're a pain in the ass." She agrees. He starts to bring up the picture, and she tells him not to worry about it tonight. Sam asks, "You're not pissed?" Mallory replies, "Oh, I'm totally pissed -- I'm just saying, don't worry about it tonight." Just then C.J. comes up. Sam tells Mallory that he appreciates that. C.J. wants to see Sam's statement so far. They start talking business as Mallory wanders away smiling at Sam. He gets back in the car, smiling, too.