The Portland Trip

Previously on The West Wing: Ainsley's office sucked; Josh was contemptuous of Donna's dating choices; Danny had no problem dating C.J. but happily, the reverse was true of her; old-Sam-with-the-better-hair pounded his fist in frustration when he was writing badly.

Heavily escorted motorcade, lights and sirens, you know the deal. In the back of the President's limo, Charlie is telling Jed that someone wants to meet with him on the way back. As it turns out, it's the Assistant Energy Secretary, who is flying to Portland in the middle of the night so that he can meet with POTUS on Air Force One the way back to D.C. Jed seems to find this somewhat improbable, and bemoans some of the ways in which his life has changed since becoming President.

On a bus elsewhere in the motorcade, C.J. is standing at the front, instructing the members of the media about the trip. She mentions that the Gerald Wegland, Assistant Energy Secretary, will also be on the trip. She adds, "As well as Mr. Latham, the head of the White House Military Office, or 'Whamo,' as we have apparently taken, over my strong objection, to calling it." C.J. seems tired, and she definitely carries the demeanour of a weary schoolteacher herding a bunch of ungrateful and difficult kids on yet another largely pointless field trip. She's also not having a good hair day, or hair show, as the case may be. ["Oh, did you think not? I thought it was okay, but then, I preferred her shorter 'do of last season." -- Wing Chun] She mentions that Sam will also be on the trip, as will she. Danny, always helpful, pipes up that he thought she wasn't going on the trip and wonders whether she's being punished. She claims she's not. Danny asks, "If the whole bus goes off the record, will you tell us why you're going on the trip?" She pauses and finally admits, "I made fun of Notre Dame." Everybody groans and shakes his or her head and mutters, "No, no, no." She protests, "I usually get away with it!" Someone tells her that they're playing Michigan tomorrow. She says that she knows that now. Danny adds, "You can't bring that stuff when they're playing Michigan." She humourlessly says, "Well, I'll have a lot of time to think about that on the midnight ride to Portland, Danny." She tells them they should be arriving in Portland a little after midnight local time.

The limos pull up to Air Force One, where Leo's waiting for Jed. When POTUS gets out of the car, Leo tells him he just got off the phone with Bruno and Hess. Jed pretends not to hear what Leo said and asks, "You didn't say, 'Michigan sucks'?" Leo goes along with this, but fairly humourlessly: "We're standing pretty close to the engines, so it may have sounded like I said, 'Notre Dame is going to get the ass-kicking they so richly deserve.'" Leo goes on to tell Jed that Bruno and Hess, whoever they are, told him "they" (meaning some arm of the U.S. government) stopped a tanker in the Gulf. It's got the flag of Cyprus, but it was tracked coming out of Qais. Jed learns that it's believed the tanker has oil, and that they're going to board the tanker. He and Leo walk toward the plane and bid each other farewell. C.J.'s walking up at this point and Jed greets her, saying that he thinks it's great that she decided to make the trip. C.J.: "I believe I was ordered to, Mr. President." Jed: "Yes! I remember now. You made one of your funny, funny jokes. Put it on. Put it on!" She objects that she's wearing Max Mara, which seems like something of a non sequitur, not to mention a product placement. It's not the only one in this episode, either. She keeps objecting, he keeps insisting, and finally she puts on a Notre Dame baseball cap, muttering, "Please let no one see me like this." The hat is not going to help the bad-hair-day problem one bit. ["Perhaps shooting and re-shooting scenes in which she doffed and donned the hat led to the bad hair?" -- Wing Chun] They've reached the top of the stairs to the plane and he says, "Hey, photo op," and as she mutters, "Oh, good God," he turns her around so that photographers at the bottom of the stairs can snap pictures of the two of them. He waves warmly, she waves perfunctorily. He grabs a file from an aide and walks into the plane saying, "Let's hit the sky!" Snuffy's theme music swells. It really is perfect for this show.

Back at the White House, Josh is talking to Leo on the phone about the tanker problem. Leo's saying that he wished Jed had cancelled the event, and that it's a long flight. D.C. to Portland? What's that, maybe three or four hours? I dunno. You all know about me and my problems with geography. For the first couple of decades of my life I thought California was where Florida is, and vice versa. ["To Oregon? That's far. It's five hours from Toronto to Los Angeles." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Josh says that POTUS likes long flights, because he gets to talk to everybody and think out loud. Leo says, "Yeah, but then he lands." Josh mentions that he's going to be meeting with Matt Skinner tonight. Leo says, "He's gonna say that the language in the bill doesn't prohibit..." Josh interjects, "But it creates a federal definition." At this point we see Donna enter Josh's office, wearing a tight, dressy red shift and tidying things up. Leo makes it clear he's going to be around late that night, because the President's going to have to make a decision from the plane. Josh says that he has to go, because Donna's going to seize the phone. She turns off the light, and Josh adds, "Leo...he likes long plane rides." Leo just says, "Yeah," and Josh hangs up. He asks Donna whether he can have his electricity back. She says no, because it's time to go. He says that he can't, because Matt Skinner's coming down from the Hill. She asks when this happened. Josh says, "Two minutes ago. Did you have plans?" Donna's indignant: "Did I have plans? Look at me!" Josh looks. He says, "Hey, you look good!" Donna says, "Yes, I do!" He points out, "You weren't wearing that during the day today." I would hope not, although I have worked with people who would. Donna replies, "Pity the girl who tries to get something past you, Josh." He asks her if she stole the dress. She says that she bought it, but he accuses her of planning to return it tomorrow, which she admits she is. He says that's stealing. I don't know if it's technically stealing, but it is icky. They argue about whether or not what she's doing is stealing. Donna says that she's a girl on a budget, and I don't doubt it. We know the White House isn't churning out millionaires the way Microsoft did. He wants to know her plans. She says they're having drinks, dinner, dancing and dessert. Josh says, "No problem. You can do all those things except for the drinks, the dancing and the dessert. And you need to be done with dinner in an hour and five minutes." She's exasperated: "Josh! Do you see what I'm wearing?" She opens her coat, which she just put on, cocks her hip a bit, and poses. His answer to this: "If you want to have sex, you better do it during dinner." She says that this is "the" guy, that this is a great guy and his name is Todd. Josh says that she met him for five minutes at a party. She says that she got the good vibe. Josh has a weird smile on his face and turns away, as if he might burst out laughing if he kept looking at her. Donna insists she has an excellent sense about these things. Yeah, I'll bet. Josh whirls around again and glibly announces, "Actually, you have no sense about these things! You have no vibe. You have terrible taste in men, and your desire to be coupled up will always and forever drown out any small sense of self or self-worth that you may have." Yeowch! Way to cut someone to the quick, buddy. Despite my "Yeah, I'll bet" a couple of sentences back, I still would not have put this to Donna this way. And if I were her, quite frankly, this is where I'd be slapping him upside the head with my resignation. But it's Donna, and while she's clearly very hurt by Josh's words, she absorbs this body blow fairly quickly, and declares that he's a "downer" and that she's going to call him "Deputy Downer" from now on. Don't forget his sidekick, Passive-Aggressive Pete. She walks away, and he tells her to be back by the time he's done with Skinner. Why? Why does she have to come back? What for? What in God's name has to be done at roughly 10 PM on Friday night that can't wait?

On Air Force One, Sam is sitting in a big comfy chair, staring catatonically ahead, a document held limply in his left hand. The captain is announcing the flight plan and altitude. Sam eventually gets up and walks over to where Toby is sitting in a nearby area. Toby wants to see whatever it is Sam's working on; Sam says that it's not done and insists that it's not good. He says it's not going well. Toby points out that they've had meetings about it for the last three weeks; Sam counters that he's not confused about policy. Sam says it's just that he's not writing well and he'd rather not distribute this to the pool quite yet. A steward comes up and asks for their dinner order. Toby orders a club sandwich, a Jack Daniels and ice. Sam says he doesn't want anything; Toby says he has to have something. Toby orders a club sandwich for Sam, too. Toby picks up his things and walks out with Sam behind him. They run into C.J. coming down some stairs and Toby says, "Nice hat." C.J.: "Shut up." She's still standing on the stairs so she's towering above the two of them, which makes for a fairly odd visual. Toby tells her that he and Sam are going to work for a little bit and that she'll have copies to distribute to the press in about three hours. C.J. says it was already distributed. Sam's alarmed and says she has to get it back. She says she can't get it back and that they know he's polishing it. He says he's doing more than polishing it and that she has to get it back. She says that they're not going to read the old draft, but he's afraid they might: "It's very bad writing and it's got my fingerprints all over it!" Toby takes off with Sam in tow, and tells C.J. to try to get it back, as the steward comes up asking for C.J.'s dinner order. Sam sticks his head back in and asks her to get it back. She agrees half-heartedly. She walks along with the steward dogging her; she finally orders a pasta salad. As she walks along, POTUS catches up with her and asks, "What does the Island of Qais mean to you?" She says that she knows it's known as a rendezvous point for Iraqi oil smugglers. He tells her that, about two hours ago, they stopped a Cyprus-flagged ship called the Nicosia and that they believe it's carrying petroleum products out of Iraq in violation of U.N. sanctions. C.J., filling in for Donna, who's otherwise engaged, asks, "What do we do when that happens?" POTUS explains that they board the ship, test a sample of the oil to determine its point of origin, and if it's black-market, they fine the oil company. C.J. asks whether the oil company doesn't still get to sell the oil, and whether the profit from that sale doesn't exceed the fine. Jed confirms that it dramatically exceeds the fine, and asks C.J. what she thinks they should do. She replies, "If we're going to have sanctions, have sanctions. There should be genuine disincentive." He says that he agrees, and then gets Charlie to hand her some paper. She asks what it is. He says it's the lyrics to the Notre Dame fight song. Please, let them not have been written by Gilbert and Sullivan. Jed says, "It would please me if you would lead the press in a rendition as we pass over South Bend." C.J. says, "Yes, sir." Jed: "All five verses, please." C.J. puts up her fists and says, "Go, Irish!" Jed: "You bet your ass!" He and Charlie take off.

Over in the Situation Room, Leo's taking care of business. Some big military dude that I don't think we've seen before, whose name is Mark, tells Leo that the Sudanese captain of the tanker refused to let Navy personnel board the ship. They dispatched a helicopter to try to land on the deck of the ship but seamen obstructed the landing with freight. Those on ship also fired warning shots from Kalashnikovs. At this point, the helicopter retreated to its carrier group. Central Command is now going to have two F-18s buzz the ship and fire warning shots over the bow. Leo says, "There's no way this ends good. In fact, it's already over." Mark says it's not over yet. Leo replies, "Trust me. I'll call the President." He goes off to do just that. Time for commercials, and wouldn't you like some Fresca?

Leo's in his office reading documents when Margaret appears to tell him that he has phone call. Before she'll tell him who it's from, though, she says, "Can I just say that, all I meant before was that if I was married and got divorced and my divorce papers came and I was an alcoholic, I would want to be..." Leo: "Who's on the phone?" She tells him it's POTUS. He picks up the phone. POTUS wants to know what their goal is with this tanker. Leo tells him that they're trying to seize the ship and escort it to Bahrain. Leo elaborates that warning shots will be fired, and will maybe take out the propeller. Jed says, "Leo, just so they know, it's a tanker full of crude oil. If they miss the propeller and hit something else..." Leo says they know, and interrupts him to get rid of Margaret, who, if you ask me, should have beat a retreat some time ago. Leo hisses, "Would you stop looking at me like that?" She vamooses. Jed wants to know what that's about; Leo explains that Margaret was giving him a look, because his divorce papers came today: "She thinks I'm going to drink." Jed says he didn't know that. Leo tells him not to worry about it. As we see Jed sit down in his office chair on board Air Force One, there are titles telling us: "Valhalla Vector -- Jet Route 23 / Wheeling, West Virginia." I can't imagine why we need this information. ["I think Aaron Sorkin's just showing off how thorough his research is." -- Wing Chun] Leo says he'll keep Jed posted. Jed wants to know why he doesn't have a final draft of tomorrow's speech. Leo says that Toby and Sam are working on it; Jed wants to know what's wrong with it. Leo says that Sam doesn't like the writing. Jed accepts this and hangs up.

Matt and Josh are walking through the White House as Josh cites polling statistics on opinions on what gay people should receive in terms of benefits. He also mentions that they haven't talked about the Fourteenth Amendment yet, and says, "I would think that a strict interpretation of the Equal Protection Clause would dictate that homophobia can't be made into a law." Matt says it's for the court to decide, but he thinks they'll uphold it. They keep arguing and Matt says, "Look, this is going to be a law, whether the President vetoes or not. They have the votes in the Senate to override." Josh replies, "Senate's not in session. The President can stick this in his pants pocket and it's vetoed." Matt points out that it will come back in January and they'll have to live through it twice, and lose both times. He tells Josh to "ask [him] the question." Josh says fervently, "He compared homosexuality to kleptomania and sex addiction, Matt! The Majority Leader, the leader of your own party!" Matt responds, "He was wrong and I told him so." Josh says, "For crying out loud!" Matt barks, "Ask me the question, Josh!" Josh bursts out, "How can you be a member of this party?" Matt tells him, "You been holding that in for way too long, man." Josh adds, "This party that says that who you are is against the law." Matt says that he never understood why all the gun-control people don't join the NRA. The NRA has two million members, and if gun-control advocates brought three million people to the meeting and called a vote, they could pass a gun-control resolution. Josh says, "It's a heck of a strategy, Matt. I'll bring that up at a meeting." Matt explains that he agrees with ninety-five percent of the Republican platform, and that his whole life is not about being a homosexual. This seems a somewhat new idea for Josh. He doesn't say anything for a minute, and tells Matt, "Thanks for coming by." Matt smiles and thanks him for the beer. Out in the lobby, a couple of guys rush up to Matt and ask how it went; Matt says, "He'll sign it." He will? I didn't necessarily get that from that meeting. The guy who asked him how it went seems happy and says, "I can tell MacDougal?" Matt says yes. As the Republicans leave, the first guy puts his arm around Matt and says, "Good job, Congressman!" Matt testily tells him, "Take your hand off my shoulder, Congressman." He hustles out ahead of his cronies. Josh happens to be walking by and sees all this.

Air Force One. "Watershed Vector - Jet Route 60 / Casper, Wyoming." Toby and Sam are arguing. Toby says the speech is fine. C.J. sticks her head in and says, "You wanted me?" Sam tells her that she should tip the press off that they may float an education initiative. She says she just told them otherwise. Toby says they're not floating. Sam says they might float and they should give them a heads-up. C.J. replies, "Excuse me, I need to go look like an idiot." And that hat will definitely help you on that front. She leaves. Toby continues insisting they're not floating this initiative. He thinks it's pie-in-the-sky, not to mention patronizing, to have privileged Ivy Leaguers play teacher to America's most vulnerable children. Sam thinks the people taking advantage of the initiative won't be overprivileged. Toby wonders what the teacher's union might think of all this. Sam says that they'll have a hundred thousand new members. Toby says that all of them will leave after three years, which also means the kids will be abandoned too. Sam says they won't be abandoned, and asks, "Once you're in fifth grade, what do you care what your fourth-grade teacher's doing?" Sam keeps painting an optimistic picture. Toby wants to know where they're getting the money for all this. By way of response, Sam says, "I was really mortified that I froze up on that speech." Toby says Sam should have told him a few days ago. Sam acknowledges this.

At the White House, Donna is blathering on to Ainsley, who's trying to work. She's talking about being a flautist, and how she was the best in her row in high school. No doubt Wing will be thrilled to learn this factoid. ["God, so many shout-outs, my ears hurt! (That was, in itself, a Djb shout-out.)" -- Wing Chun] Donna wonders if she had pursued the flute professionally, whether she would be meeting interesting men. Er...whatever. Donna thinks, "Probably not." ["Maybe interesting gay men." -- Wing Chun] Ainsley volunteers that she played the trombone. Donna asks whether she met interesting men. Ainsley says that she did. Donna: "Is it a hard instrument to learn if I took it up now?" Josh bursts in and orders Ainsley to talk to him about the Full Faith and Credit clause. Donna gets out of the way. Ainsley explains that the clause means that states have to recognize the public acts and legal proceedings of other states; for example, if you're married in Maryland, it has to be recognized in Nebraska. Josh wants to know, "Then how is the Marriage Recognition Act not unconstitutional?" Ainsley says that it also says that Congress can prescribe the manner in which such matters are proved, which means that it can decide what being married means within the context of Article Four. Donna calls Josh to the phone to speak to Toby. Josh tells Toby he's going to tell POTUS to sign the damn thing. Josh asks about "his" mood and I don't know whether he means Sam or Jed. Toby's says he's frustrated. Josh says that when Sam goes off on a "thing," he expects Toby to rein him in: "He wants you to do it so he doesn't have to do it himself." Toby starts to ask Josh about his opinion of tuition incentives, but the captain announces that passengers need to take their seats because they're getting close to landing. Toby and Josh end their call there and Josh says he's going to talk to Leo. Donna has her coat on again, so I have to wonder once again, what on earth she needed to cut her date short for...just to come annoy Ainsley? Donna and Josh walk about, bidding goodnight to Ainsley. Donna asks if Josh knew Ainsley played the trombone. Josh says simply that he didn't. Donna says, "Tonight stunk, Josh." Josh says, "I'm sorry about that." Donna continues, "I didn't mean having to work, although that was a treat. I meant the guy." Josh asks who he was. Donna says he was a lobbyist with Travis West. Or maybe Travis-West, as the closed captioning claims. She says, "He was pretty full of himself, and without a lot of cause to be." Josh says, "An obnoxious insurance lobbyist? What were the odds?" Donna pokes Josh feebly and says, "It isn't funny, Josh." He mentions again that he has to go see Leo. As she walks away, she says she'll call him in the morning. She calls him on Saturday mornings? To wake him up? To chat? Lord knows. He tells her, "You looked really great in that dress tonight, Donna. You should buy it for yourself." Uncharacteristically, she doesn't say, "And you should give me a raise so I can afford it, dumbkopf." She just stares at him, hiding her lovestruckness pretty well. You just know that dress ain't going back to the store. She has a really good mixture of a wee smile and sadness on her face.

Leo's in his office on the speaker phone with POTUS. Leo suggests they hold the ship in Bahrain and test a sample of the oil to the U.S. Customs Lab in San Francisco. POTUS is contemptuous, saying they'll just sell off the oil in a friendly port: 780,000 metric tonnes of gas oil against a two-million-dollar fine for the oil company. Titles tell us "Bonneville - 3 Landing Route / Portland, Oregon." Jed carps that they're not providing much of a disincentive to evade U.S. sanctions. Josh arrives. Leo wants to know what else they can do. Jed thinks they should seize the ship, confiscate the cargo, sell the oil, and use the money to beef up anti-smuggling operations. Leo says, "You don't mean tonight? You mean in the future..." POTUS rubs his eyes. C.J. shows up to tell him they're landing. Jed sighs heavily and says, "Yeah. In the future." Josh wants to talk about the Marriage Recognition Act. Jed glumly says "Yeah..."

C.J. goes to speak to the media. She says, "When I said that there'd be absolutely no policy shifts or new initiatives in the education speech tomorrow, that was correct, except it's possible there might be a policy shift or a new initiative in the education speech tomorrow." Everybody mutters. Toby shows up and says there's not going to be a change. He mentions Danny, and C.J. says, "He's not going to give it back." Toby sighs and walks over to Danny's seat and sits down beside him. Toby quietly tells Danny, "Sam choked hard on the last draft and wants to burn it." Danny considers this and says, "No problem." He hands over the document. C.J., watching all this, says, "No problem?" Danny tells Toby to tell Sam to relax: "He'll get his swing back." As Toby walks away, Danny tells him to tell Sam that Danny didn't read it. C.J. looks pretty unamused. She accuses him of having a little go at her. He admits it, saying it's a long flight. He asks her if she knows why. She says, "Tell me you went to Notre Dame." Danny replies, "Maybe time you won't be so quick to mock on the eve of a Michigan game." C.J. walks away, muttering to herself, "There must be an escape hatch here of some kind."

Josh is arguing with Jed. Jed is saying he doesn't care about the constitutional argument, it's gay-bashing. "It's legislative gay-bashing! How do I put my name on it?" Josh says he wouldn't do it. He'd put it away. Jed says that a pocket veto is a politician's way out. Well, don't look now, Jed, but you're soaking in it. Josh points out that they'll send the bill again when they're in session and in the meantime, they can focus on the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. Jed asks, "If I'm going to sign it in January, why am I vetoing it now?" Josh suggests it's a symbolic gesture to the gay community. Jed replies, "I'm sure the gay community can't wait to thank me." Word. Jed keeps railing about how wrong it is: "We shouldn't be defining love, and we certainly shouldn't be ill-defining it." He keeps saying it's wrong, and complains that he should get a rubber stamp that says, "Josiah Bartlet votes no." Josh says that's exactly what the conservatives are hoping he'll do. Jed finally decides and tells them, "Put it in a drawer." Josh heaves a sigh of relief and thanks POTUS. Leo ends the call. Josh says goodnight to Leo but just before he goes, it's his turn to be Nosy McMeddlesome and asks Leo about the divorce papers, which Margaret mentioned. How does that woman keep her job? Josh mentions that Margaret thought he might drink, and that he thinks getting the divorce papers sounds like a pretty good reason to do so. Leo says, "I'm an alcoholic! I don't need a good reason to." Josh invites him for coffee, but Leo says he wants to go home. Josh leaves, and Leo calls out to Margaret that he's going. She walks into his office with a slightly indignant look and says, "Okay." He looks at her and says quietly, "You're a good girl." Oy, again with the "girl" on this show. I'm sure someone of Leo's age might think it but I doubt someone of Leo's savvy would say it. Memo to Aaron Sorkin: this show needs fewer girls and more women. ["I thought it was affectionate and sweet. It's like something my grandpa would say -- and Leo's about my grandpa's age." -- Wing Chun] He leaves, and Margaret looks marginally less indignant. She kind of nods to herself and says, "Okay."

Back on the plane. Jed's sitting there lost in thought when C.J. comes in. One of the reporters who's doing a sidebar on the game tomorrow wants to know why Jed went to Notre Dame. Jed says, "Why not?" C.J. emphasizes that she's just repeating someone else's question and points out that he was accepted at Harvard, Yale, and Williams. Jed says softly, "'Cause I was thinking about becoming a priest." D'oh! C.J. seems pretty intrigued to learn this, too. She says, "Really? What happened?" Martin Sheen has an adorable look on his face and I know (and you know) what he's going to say, and he says it: "I met Abby." ["Hey, you know who else was going to be a priest and quit when he met and fell in love with his future wife? My. DAD. Shout. OUT." -- Wing Chun] C.J. smiles (and I feel the need to mention again how gorgeous her smile is) and asks, "Why can't you ever give me answers like that when we're running for something?" (Please get Danny out of her life so she'll have more cause to smile. Thank you.) Jed replies, "'Cause I like to bother you." C.J. says, "Well, I shall not be defeated." He tells her to sit down. Toby comes in with the final draft. Jed tells him to sit down because they're landing in a minute and ten seconds. Toby wonders how he knows that. Jed explains that he sets his watch to the cockpit computer. (That is so something my husband would do. This is the sort of thing that explains my soft spot for Jed.) For no particular reason I can figure out, Jed asks Toby if he knows why the Assistant Energy Secretary is on the plane. Toby knows it's because of the meeting on the way back. I can't imagine why this exchange is here, but whatever. As Jed reads the speech, Toby says that he thinks Charlie's idea was a good one, and that he thinks POTUS should ask Leo to put together a team to study the feasibility of appropriations for a pilot program of one hundred teachers. Jed mentions that they're taking the tanker to Bahrain and the oil company's going to make a profit. And that the Marriage Recognition Act is going to be law. He asks, "A hundred new teachers? Instead of a hundred thousand?" Toby says, "Yeah." Jed allows, "Well, it's a start, I guess."