The Lame Duck Congress

Previously on The West Wing: oh, it's just all about Ainsley -- good old Republican Ainsley-with-an-N -- as sincere, earnest and dutiful as a golden retriever, but with an even more lovely coat.

C.J.'s fielding questions at a press briefing. She first assures us that a Mr. Konanov will not be meeting with anyone of great importance during his visit to the White House; he will only be speaking with some of the President's advisors in the Balkans. A reporter states that Senator-elect Morgan Mitchell plans to seek a seat on the Foreign Relations Committee and that that he'll block a vote on the Test Ban Treaty and prevent it from coming to the floor. C.J. states that they will have a ratified Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. Another reporter says Mitchell says that will be over his dead body. Well, any way he wants it, I guess. C.J. replies that she thinks that Mitchell (to whom she refers as a "freshman") will find that his power is considerably more limited than he imagines. "The new Senate will ratify the treaty, and we really don't care what condition his body is in when..." Danny and a bunch of other reporters interrupt. Danny asks whether the President has considered ordering a lame-duck session so the current Senate can ratify the treaty. C.J. says, "Okay, anybody but Danny." Danny persists, and C.J. snaps, "No!" She says that she doesn't know POTUS's every thought, but that there have been no discussions that she's aware of; Danny wants to know for sure and requests that she check it out and get back to them about it. C.J. tersely says, "You bet. Who's ?"

Suddenly we're watching C.J. on the monitor in Josh's office and he tells Donna, "She walked into it. She knows it, too." He explains to Donna that she "can't confirm that the President hasn't considered it unless she asks the President if he's considered it, at which point he'll have considered it." Donna thinks that sounds pretty stupid. Josh claims that "it was a better organized thought when it was in my head." As they pedeconference, Donna asks if POTUS has considered it. Josh says he hasn't, and asks why he should. Donna blathers for a couple of seconds about that and immediately switches tracks to her concern du jour, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. Josh complains about how she changes subjects so quickly and wants to know how she does it. Donna simply says, "Because I'm me." She asks if he knows how many people acquire carpal tunnel syndrome. Neither Josh nor I know exactly, although I bet a significant number of them are recappers of wordy TV shows. I'm just saying. Donna says that it's six hundred thousand Americans a year, and asks if he knows how painful it is. Josh glibly replies, "Donna, in the scheme of things, who really cares..." at which point she grabs his ear and pinches it firmly. She asks her question again and Josh says, "Yes, yes, yes, yes." She lets go and elaborates, "Pain in your forearm. No grip. You lose the ability to pinch. Josh: "People who lose the ability to pinch. I gotta tell you, I don't know from where they summon the will to go on." Donna informs him, "You guys are on the wrong side of this." Josh wonders if Donna isn't one of "you guys." She says, "Not on this."

Donna disappears into a doorway on Josh's left as C.J. appears to Josh's right. He starts to talk to her; she says she knows she walked right into it, and that there was no other direction to walk. "Please, just answer 'no' to this question: has the President considered it?" Josh says he hasn't; C.J.'s happy about that. Josh equivocates: "Not that I know of." C.J.'s irked; Josh says no again. Sam appears and says that POTUS should consider it. C.J. says Mitchell won't get a seat on Foreign Relations, and that there isn't a seat open. There's a lot of roundabout regarding the various musical chairs that could be played out on various committees which would in fact create an open seat on Foreign Relations. C.J. still doesn't think that means Mitchell will get it; Sam says he will because no one else is going to want it. Toby, who recently wandered up, says that's because there's no money in it; the Foreign Relations Committee has no control over any money, so there are no lobbyists and no fundraisers involved. C.J. cites the Constitution on the calling of lame-duck sessions, mentioning that "extraordinary circumstances" have to be involved. Josh asks, "It's a treaty that's vital to national and global security. What kind of extraordinary circumstances do you have in mind?" Sam thinks they have no chance of ratifying it with the new Congress, and adds that while he's never lived through a "massive nuclear explosion of radiation decimating all forms of life within a two hundred mile radius, [he's] seen pictures, and [he] couldn't agree with Josh more in his interpretation of the 'extraordinary circumstances' clause in the Constitution." Toby asks whether Leo's free now; Josh glances at a clock and says he will be in five minutes. C.J. insists that the people are gone, Congress has been adjourned, twelve of them were voted out of office, and that if POTUS calls a lame-duck session it's going to look like politics. Toby says that it is politics. C.J. asks what they're going to tell the twelve people who are out there looking for new jobs. Toby: "They may not be done with their old ones yet." C.J. goes off to her office. Josh looks in Toby's direction; fade to credits.

It's 10:15 AM. C.J., Toby, Josh, and Sam are all in the Oval Office with Leo and POTUS, bickering about the musical chairs on the various committees and the calling of a lame-duck session, in the guise of informing POTUS about what's going on. Jed listens to them all talking over one another and says, "It's like running the country with Barnum, Bailey, and his sister Sue." He asks Leo if it would be possible for just two of the staffers to speak at once. Toby gets the go-ahead. Toby says, "That was an hour-and-ten-minute meeting with Dick Rush, Ed, Marty Beach, and Henry Rodriguez. I've never seen both political and legislative liaisons so unanimous in a diagnosis." All those guys think he should call the session. Sam starts to jump in but Leo reprimands him. Toby further proposes that C.J. can tell the press that other countries are looking to the U.S. to ratify the treaty first, and the longer they wait to do so, the closer they get to having unstable countries like Pakistan develop a nuclear threat. Leo asks for arguments against the session. Sam says they might lose the vote, which would hang around their necks for two years. Josh adds that the Senate will be pissed off, which might stall confirmations. C.J. thinks that a Senator-elect announcing what committee he'd like to join doesn't fulfill the conditions the founders of the country had in mind for "extraordinary circumstances." Sam says that an extraordinary occasion is whatever POTUS says it is. Josh, Sam and C.J. all bicker vigorously about that while Leo looks uncomfortable and Jed bellows for Charlie, out in his cubicle. Charlie appears. "Could I have a couple of aspirin, or a weapon of some kind to kill people with?" Leo states that trying to get a hundred senators in a line is like "trying to get cats to walk in a parade," which makes me laugh. Leo suggests taking the temperature of the leadership on the lame-duck session, and getting a nose count, presumably on the votes they can count on. Toby tells C.J. to leak it to the press that the President is considering on calling the Senate back, and Leo adds that the source is big enough so that the media goes with it, but small enough that they're not tied to it. They all get up, and Leo asks what else. Josh says the State Department wants permission to change "rogue nations" to "states of concern." Leo: "Not now. What else?" Toby says, "Medicare coverage of clinical trials." Leo: "Not now. What else?" Sam says, "Fraud awareness for small business owners." Leo: "Not now. Anything else?" He tells the four of them to wait in his office. They troop off and Leo stays to speak with Jed, who asks when Konanov is getting there. Leo says that he'll be there in a few minutes, and confirms that he's not having any meetings with high-level officials. Leo says that Jed doesn't want to call this vote and lose; Jed says they could win and they have to see if it's doable. Leo goes into his office but before the Katzenjammer Kids can start babbling at him, he tells them there's going to be an editorial in the Post tomorrow: the President's time isn't being used efficiently, schedules are abandoned before lunch, the West Wing resembles a high school yearbook office, and Leo is compared to a substitute teacher. C.J. is incredulous and complains that that makes four such editorials in two weeks. Sam opines that that's ridiculous. Leo says it's not, based on the display he just saw in the Oval Office. Leo lays down a new law: if they need an answer from the President, they have to provide Leo with a summary not exceeding two pages and they have to have his initials on it before they go into the Oval Office. Holy bureaucracy, Batman. Josh objects that a two-page summary is going to cramp their style. Leo: "Your style could use a little cramping." They reluctantly accept this. I can't imagine that will last long. Leo tells Toby and Sam to take some meetings on the Hill. Toby's to concentrate on votes that can be loosened with Stenson gone, and Sam's to dangle "reservations" in front of them. C.J.'s to start the leak. He tells them if any of them see Vasily Konanov in the halls, to walk in the other direction.

Out in the hall, Sam complains that he can't unleash his full potential in a two-page summary. Toby says that he's going to meet with Fox and Fowler, which sounds like the name of an English pub or a textile company or something, and that Sam's going to the Hill. Toby thinks he can get Fox and Fowler to loosen up some votes, if he can ever get them to order lunch off the damn menu, and complains he's never seen grown men order lunch the way these two do. Toby thinks that it's not out of the realm of possibility that Sam's meeting gets them eight votes. Josh says that if their bosses want to speak to POTUS, he's sitting by the phone. Toby emphasizes to Sam that it's not an unimportant meeting. Sam adds that he also has to take a twenty-two page position memo and summarize it into two pages and it has to be done today. Josh tells him he has staff for that, and to get Ainsley to do it. First of all, Ainsley is not on Sam's staff. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Second, would a lawyer in the White Counsel's office, even a lowly new Republican hire with suspect loyalties, be summarizing position papers for a speechwriter? I think not. Come on. This was a weak way to draw Ainsley into this subplot. Anyway, Sam complains that if he asks her for help, he's going to have to endure nine different jokes. Toby tells him to get over it. Toby tells Sam he's just to drop the word "reservations" on the Hill; he doesn't have to leave the meeting with a win. As each of them split for their offices, Toby adds, "Let's be able to end this day by telling the President that he's in striking distance and he should seriously consider the session. Let's be able to do that." He asks where C.J. is; Josh says she's looking for a reporter to leak the story to. That should be difficult.

C.J. comes stomping around a corner as Danny Concannon, of all people, comes hustling up to her, asking if she talked to POTUS. She's mad that his paper has launched another editorial attack on the administration. He objects that he's not on the editorial staff. C.J.: "Wow, isn't that convenient?" Danny asks her what's she going to do about it: "Cancel your subscription? Smack me around?" C.J.: "Any reason I can't do both?" None whatsoever. You go, girl. They arrive at C.J.'s office, where Danny greets Carol and she has an awfully warm smile for someone who's such a thorn in her boss's side. C.J. asks Carol to get the spokesperson for the Senate majority leader's office. Danny, the intrepid reporter, says that they are considering a lame-duck session. C.J. pretends she doesn't know what he's talking about and says they do a great deal of business with the Senate majority leader's office. Danny asks if he can say "White House senior aides" in his story. C.J. says no. He asks for "high-level sources inside the White House." Nay. She allows "Certain sources within the White House office of legislative liaisons who declined to be named." Danny protests that it sounds like he got it from somebody's paperboy. C.J.: "Take it or leave it." Danny says, "Ah, I'll take it." C.J. asks if there's anything else; since there isn't, Danny zooms off with his "scoop." Carol hollers, "Ken Richmond on line three." C.J. asks who he is; Carol explains that he's the spokesperson C.J. asked for. C.J. says, "I didn't need him." Carol apologizes. When I was a secretary, I always hated being used like that. I didn't mind lying for my bosses or pulling stuff like this, but I liked to know about it beforehand. Carol, however, has terminal perkiness and doesn't seem to care.

Josh is going about his day, when Donna swoops down again and starts in about the repetitive stress injuries (RSI), which she describes as covered by the science of ergonomics. Josh protests, "I'm not in charge of the ergonomics." Neither am I, and if I were, it would be preferable to lift with your back instead of your legs, because it's just a whole lot easier to bend over and grab than to squat down and keep your balance, although I'm pretty clumsy so maybe that's my problem, and maybe this recap-the-show every week thing is getting to me, because I'm babbling like Donna or Ainsley and we're only six shows into the season. Anyway, I digress. Josh tells her, "You're going to have to ask somebody else who, you know, cares." Donna wants to know why the White House isn't implementing the new series of standards recently issued by OSHA. Josh says it's because the SPA says the costs to small businesses could exceed eighteen billion dollars the first year, there would be a huge increase in worker's comp premiums, and Republicans find the word "ergonomic" to be silly. Donna says, "If we backed off of everything because of words the Republicans found silly, we'd have a lot of pregnant teenagers and no health care." Josh says they do have lots of pregnant teenagers and no health care. Donna: "So how's your plan working out so far?" They're back at Josh's office when Charlie interrupts. Josh asks him to wait, but Charlie says it can't: Vasily Konanov is there. Josh says he can't see him and to make sure he's not in the bullpen. Charlie says he's not: he's sitting in the driveway in a car and refusing to get out unless he can speak to the President. Charlie says "they" are saying he's drunk. Josh goes off with Charlie, saying, "Okay...okay." Time for some commercials!

It's 12:35 PM. Ainsley knocks on Sam's door, marvelling at his office, which is much more sun-filled and window-enhanced than I remember it being. I vaguely recall Sam having some kind of built-in shelves and cabinets behind his desk, and maybe one window but not two...but maybe I've been asleep at the keyboard. She comments favourably on the sunlight and potential for ventilation. He asks if she wants to work or to decorate his office. He tells her he needs her help; she is, of course, surprised. He says, "Let's not make a big deal out of it." She immediately pulls out her cell phone and pretends to call her father with the news that Sam needs her help. He continues rambling on about how he doesn't need her help, he wants her help and not to make a federal case out of it. I hope she's only pretending to call her father, or if she really did call him, that he said, "That's nice, honey, but I don't give a rat's ass." He says she must have had them rolling in the aisles back in Georgia. She says, "I'm from North Carolina." Shout-out to the forums? I think it might just be. Sam snidely adds, "Wherever it was you studied baton twirling." She says politely, "That'd be Harvard Law School." Geez, what happened to all the Gilbert and Sullivan-scored camaraderie of last week? He tells her to summarize the memo on his position recommendation on an amendment to a Congress bill. She says, "You want me to summarize your recommendation and give it to the President?" Sam: "Yeah, and then I want you to skip to Tijuana in a dirndl skirt." Huh? Perhaps that's another one of his mother's expressions, the woman who taught him "nervous hoolaylya." He tells her to summarize it and give it to him. She says, "Fine...in exchange for...?" Sam says, "No." She hands it back to him and says, "Then my schedule's pretty tight." Okay, he's willing to play. She wants to go with him to his meetings on the Hill. Um, if Sam can't do this summary because of the meetings, and Ainsley goes with him to the meetings, how's she going to get the summary done? Whatever. Sam refuses. She complains, saying she won't say anything or spill anything: "I'm not going to get Republican juice on you." You know, I could, but I'm just not going to go near that one. Insert your own joke. She says she's just going to sit there and learn: "From the master, Sam. I wanna learn from the master." Gak. Sam says, "See, women think that kind of thing works, but it doesn't." She kind of wriggles subtly and says, "It really does, Sam." He walks away, stating, "I let you come to the hill, you'll summarize my memo." Ainsley: "I'll use punctuation and everything. You might even get extra credit." She asks if he's eaten lunch. She brought hers from home, she already ate it, she wants to know if Sam brought his lunch, and wonders if he'll be eating it. Sam says, with justifiable irritation, "You can't have my lunch." He gives her the memo and tells her to meet him in the lobby in an hour. She takes off and Josh appears. Sam tells Josh, who couldn't care less, "I'm helping her out." Josh tells him they've got a problem: Konanov. Sam asks, "Is he here?" Josh: "In a manner of speaking." He knocks on Leo's door, and tells Leo that Konanov's there in the driveway, drunk, and refuses to get out of the car until he can speak to the President. Josh says that Konanov's sitting in the car with a woman that he presumes is either a security attach or a hooker. Sam looks stricken and says, "Please tell me it's not..." Josh says it's not, but since Josh has met Laurie, wouldn't Josh have told Sam, say, by the way, your call-girl pal is with Konanov "the Barbarian." Anyway, he assures Sam it's not her. Leo asks whether Josh has spoken to him. Leo looks out the window and sees a bunch of security guys milling around a limo. But Josh points out that he's not allowed to speak with him, and that they've got to move him soon because tourists will start asking questions, and "Boris and Natasha" will answer. Leo gives Josh permission to speak to Konanov and tells him to bring him in, dry him out, and explain why he can't talk to POTUS. Leo adds, as Josh leaves, "Try to avoid the Situation Room." Josh calls back, "Good safety tip!" Sam's still there. Leo says, "What?" Sam says he's taking Ainsley to the Hill with him. Leo: "Good." Sam: "She wants me to teach her a couple of things." Leo: "Good." Sam: "She called me 'the master.'" Leo: "Get out." Sam scrams.

Toby's at lunch with a couple of guys who are ordering lunch with a level of fussiness that you can tell makes Toby want to punch them. These would be Fox and Fowler. No idea which is which. Fussbudget #2 states that he doesn't want his squash soup puréed with cream or butter: "In fact, does it even have to be puréed?" "Fellas," Toby says, "it's puréed squash. If it's not puréed, it's just squash." Fussbudget #2 finally finishes his order. Toby orders a New York steak and ginger ale; when the waiter tries to ask how he'd like his meat done, she doesn't even get the words out before Toby says, "Just cook it." That accomplished, they turn to the business at hand. Fox and Fowler ask whether the rumours they're hearing are true. They mention that their boss and everybody's bosses are all off fishing in the Florida Keys, or skiing in Jackson Hole, or whatever. Toby echoes my sentiments: "It'd really tear the President up inside to bring them back, but I want to talk about if he should." Fussbudget #1 says their boss will vote no. They say that it's because of the voters in their state. Toby says that 82% of voters want the Test Ban Treaty. The Brothers Fussbudget insist that's not true in their state. Toby rants about the 82% of voters who want it, in addition to the 150 nations who want it, which include Russia, China, France, Great Britain ("four countries you don't often see on the same side of the ball"). Fussbudget #1 says, "Fine, I'll get North Korea, India, and Pakistan aboard and we'll have a ball game." They ask if he's checked his backyard. Long story short, they inform him that he doesn't have the votes he thinks he has; they've lost someone. It's news to Toby, but they won't tell him who changed his or her mind, they just tell him to make his calls. The waiter comes back to clarify the Fussbudgets' order, and Toby leaves the table without saying anything.

Back at the White House, Charlie and Leo are pedeconferencing. Charlie says he doesn't understand: "A member of the Ukrainian parliament can just kind of show up?" Leo says it happens. He had an appointment to speak with someone, but not the President. Charlie opines that the guy's crazy. Leo starts to argue this but then says, "Nah, he's just...yeah, he's crazy, but he's our kind of crazy, so..." Charlie mentions that "the girl's not bad-looking." Leo tells him to go to work. Charlie asks, "Think she knows how to kill me?" And that would be a turn-on after being shot at by a bunch of neo-Nazis because...? I'm at a loss. That seemed a really tasteless thing to have Charlie say. What. Ever. Leo says, "Yes," as Charlie disappears and Leo winds his way through the halls. He's a sitting duck for Donna and her OSHA agenda. She comes up and starts to chat him up. "That's a very nice suit." He thanks her. She asks if it's new. Leo: "No, what's on your mind?" Donna launches into her pitch; Leo tells her they can't afford it: "It costs eighteen billion dollars, Donna. Type slower!" He leaves her them dumbfounded as C.J. intercepts him. She wants to talk about the State Department's recommendations for new vocabulary. He wants to know if it's the two-minute pitch or the ten-minute pitch. She says it's the two-minute; he says, "Go!" She hesitates and says, "Okay, now you threw me off my game." He says impatiently, "C.J...." She replies, "No, I'm nervous now...I feel like if I run over, you're going to have the orchestra play me off." He starts walking again, saying, "I'm gettin' older over here, C.J.!" She says the State Department wants them to change "rogue nations" to "states of concern." She thinks it's fine and enumerates a bunch of good reasons for them to do so. Leo asks if there's any downside. C.J.: "I'll feel stupid." Leo: "I can live with that." C.J.: "You certainly have so far." Why should C.J. feel stupid? Stupid for what? Did she come up with "rogue nations?" I have no idea. Leo tells her to talk to POTUS at the end of the day, because Danny Concannon wants access for a three-part feature on Bartlet. C.J. laughs and says, "No!" Leo doesn't understand her reluctance. She reminds him that the editorial staff of his paper jumped up and down on his head yesterday (I thought that was coming out tomorrow? ["She did say tomorrow's would be the fourth in two weeks, so it's possible" -- Wing Chun]) and last Thursday and so on and so forth. She says, "That's why everybody's walking around with a stopwatch. He gets no milk and cookies." He tells her to talk to POTUS at the end of the day. She stomps mildly into her office and tosses her file on the coffee table.

Leo continues his perambulations and runs into Toby, who's almost breathless with the news that they may have lost one of the votes they were counting on. Toby says he'll need some help on the inside and asks whether Tony Marino is in Philadelphia. Leo doesn't know. Toby wants to see whether Marino will get on a train and help him find out who they lost and get him or her back. Leo's mad: "It's not hard enough getting new votes, we gotta corral..." Toby says that Leo has to call Marino and set up a meeting for him so he can find out who jumped the fence and get Marino's help getting them back. Leo doesn't want to call Marino: "Toby, the guy lost a bad race bloody." Toby thinks he'll want to come back for this. Leo thinks he's going to want to sit it out. Toby says that Marino spent four years of his life on the Test Ban Treaty. Leo says he spend a lot longer than that, and it burned him in the end; he lost his seat. Leo asks what Toby's pitch will be if he sets up the meeting. Toby says that it will be that the treaty Marino wanted so bad is within reach, and that he can further stick it to every Pennsylvanian who voted him out of office, and "take Mitchell's knees out before he has time to put his pencils in a jar." Leo says Marino might not know who they lost, because he's been out of D.C. for a month and a half. Toby persists, Leo acquiesces.

Toby makes his way to his office, grabbing some messages from Bonnie on his way in. He wants to know why his office blinds are closed, but before she can explain, he opens the door to find a drunk, angry man sitting in his chair and speaking Russian to him, and a woman sitting impassively in another chair. Josh comes racing up behind him, saying, "Yeah, yeah, that deserves an explanation." I guess we can pretty much imagine what Josh will tell Toby during the commercials.

It's 4:35 PM. Josh is leading Mr. Konanov -- who's still complaining loudly (only now it's in English) -- and his attach back to his own office. Konanov complains that he's a reformer and he's going to lead the Ukraine, and all they send him to speak to are errand boys. Josh points out that he is the Deputy Chief of Staff. Natasha snorts derisively. Josh starts to explain that it's a very important position but drops that, and tries to explain that there's protocol that has to be observed, and that his country has a leader they have to deal with. Josh says that they do wish to deal with him, but they're in touch with Konanov's embassy and the capital and they're seeking permission for him to speak to Secretary Schaefer. Konanov repeats his desire to speak to the President. Josh says, "That's not gonna happen, and you damn well know it!" Natasha asks mildly, "You speak to him in this tone?" Josh says, "He's drunk, in my office, and I'll speak to him in whatever tone pleases me." He screeches for Donna as he leaves his office, and instructs her to put two uniformed agents at his door and tell Leo he's coming over. As he walks away, he says, "Oh, how I miss the Cold War."

Sam and Ainsley are on the Hill. Sam is telling the guys he's meeting with that it's his fifth meeting in a row and his last meeting on the Hill. He wants to know what it's gonna take to get their boss to loosen his grip. If the Senator moves, it could free up eight to ten votes. The other guys want to know why the Senator should move. Sam suggest that he'll go right past that it's the right thing to do; they counter that it's not a holy thing. Flunky #1 says that if you're against the treaty, it doesn't mean you're bloodthirsty. Flunky #2 says that it's not only Senate Republicans who are against it, and the first flunky and the third flunky reel off a list of others. Sam responds, "Thirty-one Nobel laureates, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, one hundred and fifty countries on this planet, and 82% of the people living in this one say the treaty makes the world a safer place." Flunky #2 says, "It's not a safer place if North Korea and Iran are making significant technological improvements while the President's handing out commemorative pens." Sam thinks that the chance they'd take with their ability to verify is outweighed by the chance they're taking by doing nothing. Flunky #2 wearily indicates he's heard all this before. Sam asks if there's no room for movement. He adds that they'd consider attaching reservations. The Flunkies Three all look vaguely interested, but then Flunky #2 crosses his arms and says, "If you can't trust a man's word, what good is it to put it on paper?" Sam asks whether there's room for movement. Flunky #3 finally gets to talk and tells Sam that he wasted a trip. Is there a limit? Sam says he'll waste more. One of the flunkies asks whether they're done. As everyone packs up their stuff, Flunky #2 tells Ainsley that he's surprised to see her there. She pleasantly chirps, "Why?" He explains, "Before you were on Bartlet's payroll, you were a pretty vocal opponent of the treaty." Ainsley replies, "Well, it's President Bartlet. I'm on the government payroll. And I believe that politics should stop at the water's edge." He seems to accept that. She goes on to add that she actually thinks that it should stop well before that, but it turns out that there's no Santa Claus and Elvis isn't cutting records anymore. Um, what? Flunky Number One is with me: "What is she saying?" She elaborates that she doesn't think that they think the treaty's bad, or that they think it's good; she thinks they just want to beat the White House. Flunky #2 admits that. Ainsley tells #2, whose name is Peter, that he's a schmuck. (Sorkin stuck a Yiddish pun in there for the alert. Hey, maybe I should have named him #1. Don't bring the Yiddish if you don't know what you're doing, eh?) She points out that they'll eventually have this treaty ratified and they'll do it without the reservations Sam just offered. Peter doesn't say anything as he puts on his jacket. Ainsley's got one more thing to chirp: "Can I take this muffin?" Peter says, "Yeah," and she grabs it and her stuff and leaves with Sam to have her tapeworm checked out.

Back at Leo's office, he wants to know if Margaret's got that memo yet. She is sitting there typing with two fingers. My father, who never learned touch typing and only got a computer two years ago, types faster than she's going. She tells him that she'll have it any minute now. He looks at the way she's working and asks what the hell she's doing. She says she's typing. She explains that Donna's organized most of the assistants to take Leo's advice ("type slower") on Donna's legitimate concerns quite literally. You can see the pissedness spreading over him like red wine on a white carpet. Leo says, "Margaret. Look at my face right now." She hesitates, then looks. Yikes. She starts typing normally. Josh wanders in and Leo asks, "Can you keep your people in line?" Josh replies, "Well, there's been no evidence of it so far." Hee! Leo gestures him into his office and asks him what's up. Josh says he's got The Man Who Came To Dinner in his office. "I'm begging the Ukrainian Embassy for some help. If I don't get some soon I'm going to apply for a job at the Ukrainian Embassy." Josh is gesticulating a lot more energetically than usual in this episode. Leo says that all the guy wants is to be able to say he met the President while he was here, so they can arrange for him to meet the President "accidentally." Leo explains that when he was Labour Secretary they did it with the Dalai Lama. You arrange an open-door meeting with a lower-level person, the President wanders by: "Hey, how you doing, Dalai Lama?" Josh pauses and says, "Well, that's the most crazy-assed thing I ever heard." Leo says it works. Josh asks if this is how the world is run; Leo confirms it. Josh says he's sticking to domestic policy. Leo replies, "Yeah, 'cause that has the ring of sanity to it." Josh asks whether Toby's meeting with Marino. Leo says that Toby's on a mission. Josh assures him that it's the right mission, although he knows Leo's not comfortable with it. Leo says that continuing to exert influence after being voted out is an ethically grey area for him. Josh: "They're all ethically grey areas, Leo! Screw it! If we're going to have a fighting chance we gotta invite Marino. Marino's gonna want in because..." Leo finishes for him: "Marino's a street kid and lives for revenge." Josh says he was going to say it's because Marino is devoted to the issue. Donna wanders by and Josh yells, "Hey, Norma Rae! Get in here." She comes in looking kind of sulky. Josh says, "The man's trying to run a country here." Donna says, "This is a law that would prevent thirty-two to ninety-five thousand injuries a year." That's an enormous range, if you ask me. Leo says, "Not here, it wouldn't." Josh explains that the White House and Congress are exempt from the workplace-related laws they pass. This is news to Donna (and me), and she remarks, "Well, that makes things considerably easier for yourselves." As she leaves, she reminds Josh that he's got his "4:00" which, given that we were informed some time ago that it was 4:35 PM, means that his 4:00 has been waiting for a long time, or that people are putting times on the title cards without checking with the writers.

Josh follows Donna out into the hall and tells her that he has a job for her. She's still sneering about the exemption. He tells her, "I need Vasily Konanov to meet with someone of absolutely no consequence. You're my girl." Well, when you put it that way, who could refuse? Donna's pretty insulted and wants to know how she's supposed to feel about being used as a dupe: "My value here is that I have no value?" Josh insists that she has enormous value to him, but to Eastern Europe, not so much. Donna decides to see it as an opportunity and wonders whether he'll see things from the point of view of the worker, or the point of view of economics. Josh says, "Well, he's drunk and he doesn't speak a lot of English, so I don't he's going to understand much of anything at all." He instructs her to set up the meeting: "Knock'em dead." She charges off on her mission.