Six Meetings Before Lunch

Previously on the West Wing: Charlie appeased Zoey with flowers; POTUS told Zoey he's increasing her protection; POTUS met Zoey's new Secret Service agent, Gina; inbred teenage cretins glowered at Zoey and Gina in California; Mallory asked Sam out; FLOTUS accused Mallory of having an itch for Sam; Sam and Toby were in charge of the confirmation of Roberto Mendoza for a seat on the Supreme Court; Toby assured Judge Mendoza that the confirmation will be an excruciating battle, but one which he has no intention of losing.

It's Thursday, 9:45 PM at the White House. A large crowd of people are in what I think is the Mural Room, watching a Senate vote on television. It is, at long last, the Mendoza confirmation vote. Although the voting has just begun, Bonnie is getting ready to pour the champagne when Toby shows up and proceeds to poop all over that party. Toby orders her to put the champagne down; Bonnie objects but complies. Toby asks for everyone's attention and reminds everyone that they have to get at least fifty-one votes for Mendoza to be confirmed. Toby bellows, "Fifty-one yea votes is what we see on these screens before one drop of wine is swallowed, because there's a little thing called what, Bonnie?" Bonnie dutifully answers, "Tempting fate." "Tempting fate is what's called," affirms Toby, as he begins gathering up all the empty wine glasses. Toby proceeds to explain that he's aged forty-eight years in the three months since Mendoza became his problem and that this is his day of jubilee and he will not have it screwed up by tempting fate. "These things take patience. These things take skill. These things take luck. In the fifteen months we've been in office what kind of luck have we had, Ginger?" Ginger replies, "Bad luck." Toby asks, "What kind of luck?" Ginger: "Very bad luck." Toby repeats that, and, glowering a little less, asks, "Where's Josh?"

Over in Josh's area, Donna is hustling into Josh's office to let him know that they have to go, and that they're already at nineteen yea votes. Josh is puzzling over a badly handwritten message from Donna indicating that Mandy wants to talk to him about a banana bar. Donna clarifies that it says "panda bear"; Josh is incredulous and asks Donna to confirm that certain of the letters she wrote are what she claims they are, which she does. He rubs his forehead and says, "You know what would be helpful? If you could just show me where one word ends and the one begins." They start walking toward the Mural Room as Josh wonders whether Donna got the message right, since he can't imagine why Mandy would want to talk to him about a panda bear. Donna gets Josh to admit that she's never gotten a message wrong, and that therefore giving her the benefit of the doubt "might not be monumentally out of line." Josh is unclear about what a panda is; he thinks it's a little Australian thing that eats the bark off the koala tree. Koala tree? I think you mean eucalyptus. I'm amazed that he's confused about this, but whatever. ["Especially since, even now that they're both dead, the pandas at the National Zoo are still a regular topic on the news." -- Strega] ["Plus who doesn't know that koalas aren't even bears?" -- Wing Chun] Donna tells him that's a koala bear; Josh ventures that a panda is "the other one." Donna can't believe Josh doesn't know the difference either, at which point Josh snipes at her that someone who hasn't "mastered the alphabet" shouldn't be criticizing. They run into the middle of some unspecified photo op and pause for a moment until they can pass; from down the hall Mallory calls out to them. They walk toward her as Donna insists, "My penmanship is distinctive." "Your penmanship is illegible," Josh counters. Mallory asks where Sam is; Josh says he'll be watching the Mendoza confirmation. Mallory asks if Josh can believe Sam; Josh says no. Mallory continues to ramble about how "you think you know a guy" and finally realizes Josh has no clue what's she on about. She lets it drop as they reach the Mural Room. Josh bellows "To-bee!" Toby responds, "Joshua!" Josh asks for some champagne as the entire room gloomily replies, "No." Josh: "The hell?" Ginger informs Josh about the "tempting fate" issue which Josh readily accepts. Donna's still nattering about her penmanship, but I'm real tired of that conversation and will not be reporting any more of the details of it, though there are further (and even more asinine) details to come. Josh also seems tired of it and begs Donna to get Leo.

In his office, Leo is arguing with someone on the phone about the dust cover of a book, when Margaret comes in to try to hustle him along. Leo's asking someone named Sidney if they're really going to make a federal case out of a book jacket. "We're literally going to make a federal case of this?" I enjoyed the little pun in this dialogue but I strongly suspect that I'm the only viewer geeky enough to have done so. ["I did too, and so did Glark, but then we're both über-geeky." -- Wing Chun] Margaret whispers and gestures to her watch. Leo nods and continues speaking. He tells Sidney, "I'm going to bring him up here and talk to him. But I gotta say, we're about a minute and a half from closing what wasn't the easiest confirmation process in American history. So you'll understand if I'm not giddy as a schoolgirl at the thought of running once again into the warm embrace of the Senate Judiciary Committee." Sounds like fun. Margaret's still haranguing Leo and he hangs up. As they walk over to the Mural Room, Leo explains to Margaret that their appointment to a Justice post favours reparations to African-Americans. Margaret asks, "What for?" Um, how many brains might it take to figure this out? Leo indicates that the reparations are for slavery. They arrive at the Mural Room as the assembled crowd is booing some senator who just voted nay. They're applauding a yea vote as Sam arrives, bubbling about their "day of jubilee." Toby says sharply, "Not yet." Sam sees Mallory, who's been waiting by the door to buttonhole him about something. He tells her, "It's my day of jubilee." Mallory informs him, "I despise you and everything you stand for." Sam is relatively non-plussed and says, "Okay, my day was a little bit better a few seconds ago, but that's all right." Mallory wants to know how he could have written "that position paper." Sam doesn't know what she's talking about; Mallory tells him not to play dumb. Sam replies, "Honestly, I am dumb. Most of the time I'm playing smart." It turns out she is strongly considering ruining his day of jubilee by yelling at him for a position paper he wrote on school vouchers. At that moment Josh stands up yelling about the fiftieth vote. "Here we go, baby!" Leo says, "Sam, Toby, we're about to put a guy on the Supreme Court." Everyone is tense and quiet as they wait for the vote; as the number on-screen changes to fifty-one, everyone hoots and hollers and cheers and hugs. Sam yells over the din, "Toby? How about now?" Toby opens the bubbly and as it spills over the bottle, somehow I have the feeling that I achieved something, even though I didn't do a damn thing and it's only a TV show.

Over in the Press Room, some rap music is playing and everyone is cheering C.J. on. Toby is cruising around the room, puffing away on a big fat cigar. Sadly, I must now inform you all that Toby can no longer be my boyfriend, as I cannot endure tobacco smoke. I knew Richard Schiff smoked the stogies, but I was hoping Toby didn't. Strega, Wing, he's all yours. ["Sold!" -- Strega] ["D'oh! That's what I get for not editing this before Strega saw it. I hate cigar smoke too, but I can make exceptions." -- Wing Chun] C.J. is doing a very funny job of lip-synching to the song, "The Jackal" which is about a "fat black cat" with a "Ph.D in street strife." You get the idea. The routine is punctuated by Allison Janney's great laugh, which I know I have mentioned before, but it bears repeating. Allison Janney has a fantastic laugh, and I'd trade a kidney for it. She's bringing down the house. Josh ambles over to Toby and starts to tell him about the Breckenridge problem, which only serves to annoy Toby. "You're talking to me during 'The Jackal'? Never talk to me during 'The Jackal.'" Josh gets the message and goes back to mildly grooving to the music. We get to see a bit more of C.J., and then Sam arrives, and mentions to Leo that Mallory read his position paper. Leo wonders aloud about how Mallory got the paper, and Sam indicates that he knows Leo gave it to her. Leo tells Sam, "I don't mind you dating my only daughter but you can't expect me not to have some fun along the way." Sam protests that he and Mallory haven't even actually been on a date yet. Leo says with a straight face, "Well, you hang in there, son,." and then goes back to smiling at C.J.'s performance. Toby blows smoke rings, serving only to further gross me out. We get a shot of Sam doing some feeble white-boy hip-hop gesturing. I'm thinking it's a good thing this Breckenridge dude isn't at this party. Everyone applauds and cheers as C.J. finishes up with another laugh.

A bit later C.J.'s in her office with her back to the door, still humming the song and shaking her booty, when Danny shows up and leers for a bit before announcing his presence. He's sad that he missed "The Jackal" and congratulates her on the Mendoza confirmation. Danny announces that he was at home listening to his police scanner. This guy knows how to live. C.J. interrupts to accuse him of having been president of his high school AV club; Danny explains that he was not president but vice-president and he doesn't like to talk about it. After some more blather it turns out that he's there to tell her that somebody named David Arbour was arrested outside a frat party, and will be charged with felony possession with possible intent to distribute. C.J. is alarmed: "Is there any chance that David Arbour is not the son of Bob Arbour?" Danny indicates that there is absolutely no chance of that. C.J. says that at least she knows what she'll be doing when she comes into work the day, and starts taking off her coat and scarf. Danny takes the opportunity to remind her that she should remember that he came down to her office at one o'clock in the morning to tell her about this when he really didn't have to and also that she's secretly in love with him. C.J. tells him to remind her office. Danny suggests that she could do "The Jackal" for him right at that moment but she throws his scarf over his shoulder nicely and tells him to go home. Danny obediently trots off as she gets on the horn. Is it still this cold in Washington in April? ["Yup, yesterday it was in the forties. Today's high will be in the seventies. The entire region is manic-depressive." -- Strega]

After many messages from our sponsors, it's the morning. C.J. and Carol are talking. C.J. is coaching Carol on what to say to media inquiries about the frat party bust. Carol seems to get it and C.J. is satisfied. Just then Mandy appears and calls out to C.J. as C.J. slips into her office. C.J. calls back, "It's a non-story," and Mandy replies, "Let's keep it that way." She then saunters into Josh's office and asks if he got her message. He's still wondering if she didn't want to speak to him about banana bars, but Mandy confirms that it's about panda bears. "I think we should get a panda bear." Josh replies, "You say that now, but I'm the one who's going to end up feeding him and walking him." Cute. Mandy explains that in the last ten days the White House has gotten more than three thousand letters wanting to know when there will be a new panda for the National Zoo. Apparently the old bear (Lum-Lum) died two weeks earlier. Josh: "Did I kill her?" Mandy: "No." Josh: "Then what are you talking to me for?" Mandy persists in bugging Josh until he tells her that it's Toby she should be talking to about getting a new bear. No doubt Toby will thank Josh. Donna comes in with an armful of files; Mandy asks what all the stuff is for. Josh says, "I have to tell a black civil-rights lawyer why I don't owe him any money." Mandy wishes him luck.

At Zoey's campus, Zoey and three other students are sitting in a cafeteria practicing their French. ["It's a lot better than the French that A.J. and his mom were practicing a few weeks back on Dawson's Creek." -- Wing Chun] Off to one side, Gina confers with another agent who informs her that there are some reporters out front. Gina decides to take Zoey out the back. Zoey wants to know why they can't go out the front; when Gina explains, Zoey objects that reporters aren't supposed to be allowed on campus. Gina says security is on its way, but in the meantime she leads Zoey and one of her girlfriends toward the kitchen exit. Zoey and her friend are giggling and gossiping and chattering on in French; as they enter the kitchen, a guy pops out at them pointing a tape recorder, which just seems like a really bad idea. Gina takes a split-second to push him up against the refrigerator. She identifies herself and asks him who he is; he says he's Edgar Drumm from The Charleston Citizen and that he has a question for Miss Bartlet. Bully for you, bub. Step off. Zoey and her friend are standing silently a few feet away with another agent. Why he doesn't hustle the two of them off, I have no idea. Gina tells the other agent to take Zoey to the car, and they do finally start to walk away, but Drumm provokes Zoey with a question about her "partying with drug dealers." Zoey turns around and says softly, "What the hell?" Zoey's friend, who looks familiar (I think she was recently on That 70s Show) says that David Arbour isn't a drug dealer. Drumm asks Zoey why she went to the party and she says that she was invited, and that she didn't even know David Arbour was going to be there. As Zoey and her friend march off, the friend tells Drumm he's a "real jackass." Gina warns Drumm not to ever do that again, and he cracks, "I have to say, if this is how the Secret Service behaves during the Bartlet administration, it's a sad state of affairs." Gina replies, "We're all going to have to learn to live with your disappointment."

Sam opens his door and announces that his draft is done, and it's on schedule, and "on schedule" is going to be his middle name from now on. Cathy asks what his middle name was before; Sam says that it was Norman. Samuel Norman Seaborn? I have to say, that's not a real great name. He then confers with Cathy about his schedule for that morning. She says that he's on the Hill with Brennan and Landis at noon, and rhymes off a few other meetings that afternoon. He asks her to see if she can cancel the noon meeting, because he doesn't want to go. Cathy says that's not a good enough reason. Sam says he really doesn't want to go, but Cathy says he's going. Sam accepts this and goes back into his office as Cathy informs him that he's got Mallory at eleven o'clock, which is right now. He's puzzled. Sam, do you ever look at your schedule for the day? I mean, maybe I'm just a control freak, but if I had to let someone else make my appointments, I'd be checking that thing every couple of hours, myself. Anyway, it turns out Mallory has made an appointment to harangue Sam during working hours regarding the school voucher issue. She says she didn't want to take advantage of the fact that they're dating. Sam: "We're not dating." Mallory: "That's kind of sad for you, isn't it?" He invites her into his office and glares at Cathy's back for a moment before going in after her.

Over at Josh's office, Breckenridge (hey! It's Petrie from Cagney and Lacey) shows up to talk with him. Let me just say here that I think Aaron Sorkin takes some pleasure in thinking up names like Katzenmoyer and Breckenridge and Lillienfield that are a hassle to type. Even so, that will not induce me to say mean things about his show, but that's mainly because I can't find too many mean things to say. They exchange pleasantries and Josh mentions that Breckenridge, hereafter known as Jeff, was a summer associate at Debevoise and Plimpton (what did I say about the names?) when his father was a partner there. Jeff is pleased and surprised to find out that Josh's father was Noah Lyman, whom he describes as a "wonderful man." Jeff asks how Josh's father is doing; Josh sadly informs him that his dad died, the night of the Illinois primary. Jeff expresses his sympathy. Josh moves on quickly but before he can get into things at all, Jeff states that a couple of the Republicans on the Judiciary Committee have a problem with him. Josh mentions Stadler; Jeff thinks that Wachtel and Tillison will also have a problem with him. Jeff's not sure exactly what the problem is, though; Josh mentions the quote on the cover of The Unpaid Debt and confirms that Jeff actually did give the alleged quote, which is: "Otis Hastings is a unique and extraordinary historian. This book should be read by everyone and burned into the minds of white Americans." Josh says that he assumes that if asked by the Judiciary Committee, Jeff will tell them that he is in favour of reparations. Jeff says, "If asked, I'll tell them that my father's fathers were kidnapped outside a village called Wimbabwa, brought to New Guinea, sold to a slave trader from Boston, and bought by a plantation owner in Wadsworth, South Carolina where they worked for no wages." Josh says, "And you're looking for back pay?" Indeed he is. Josh asks whether he had a figure in mind. Jeff replies, "Dr. Harold Washington, who's Chief Economist at the Manchester Institute, calculated the number of slaves held, multiplied it by the number of hours worked, multiplied that by the market value of manual labour, and came up with a very conservative figure." Josh asks what that is, as he takes a sip of his coffee. Jeff: "One point seven trillion dollars." ["Interest? No?" -- Wing Chun] Josh swallows hard and suggests that this might be a better discussion for them to have "in the abstract." Jeff disagrees; Josh wants to know what he means. Jeff says very seriously, "I mean, someone owes me and my friends one point seven trillion dollars." Josh is left to contemplate that as we go to commercial.

Charlie comes to speak to C.J.. He says he heard she "burned down the place last night." C.J. says, "I can bring it." She wants to know what's up; Charlie says Zoey called. Charlie tells C.J. about her run-in with Edgar Drumm of The Charleston Citizen. C.J. tells him that Edgar Drumm isn't a reporter, he's a professional Bartlet-baiter, and that the The Charleston Citizen isn't a newspaper, it's a fund-raising newsletter for the radical right. She wants to know what he asked Zoey. Charlie tells her that he asked whether the President's daughter should be partying with drug dealers. C.J. asks if Zoey talked to him; Charlie only says that Gina put Zoey in the car. He tells C.J. that the thing Zoey wanted him to talk to her about is that David Arbour is a good friend of hers, and that he's not a drug dealer, and wondered if C.J. could nip that story in the bud. ["Except I think he said 'nip it in the butt,' which was just adorable." -- Wing Chun] C.J. says she could talk to a couple of people. Charlie further explains that the guy uses drugs, but doesn't deal, and that Zoey and her friends are trying to help him. Zoey was planning to give David back the car keys she had confiscated from him a week earlier. C.J. calls Carol in as Charlie mentions that David drives a Porsche. C.J. tells Carol to alert Danny that she's coming to see him. She then mentions to Charlie that she drove her boyfriend's Porsche once and backed it into a pond. Charlie says, "Lost your driving privileges?" C.J. responds, "And the boyfriend." As Charlie leaves, he remarks, "It's a good car, though." C.J. says, "Yeah."

Toby is wandering through the hallway when Margaret catches up with him and says, "Hey, Toby." Her hair is looking a little strange in this episode; it's pulled back, and I think she might be growing out her bangs. I like her hair better with bangs. Toby says, "Hey there, Margaret." Margaret is slightly taken aback and asks Toby if he's okay. Toby: "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be okay?" Margaret explains, "You don't usually say, 'Hey there, Margaret.'" Toby's pretty jovial and asks, "What do I usually say?" Margaret: "You usually growl something inaudible." Toby says, "Not today. You, on the other hand, should turn that frown upside-down." Margaret says, "I'm sorry?" Toby continues: "Let a smile be your umbrella, Margaret." She stops dead and says, "'Kay, now you're scaring the crap out of me, Toby." He keeps walking and singing some lyrics from "Put On A Happy Face" as he breezes down the hallway, brightly greeting people who seem stunned to be acknowledged by Toby at all. ["I react to this the way deborah reacted to the cigars. Thank goodness it's just temporary." --Strega]

Over in Sam's office, Mallory is continuing to excoriate Sam on the school voucher issue. Apparently they've already been at it for an hour. She continues to rail about the value of public education; Sam responds with his best arguments about how, despite spending four trillion dollars on public schools since 1965, public education is a disaster area. Mallory tells him that he's being pretty snotty for a guy who's trying to date her. Sam complains that he thought this was an office-hours issue and that if he'd known he was working on that he'd have had a whole different attitude. Sam can't be so hard-up that this is his best shot at a date. On the other hand, he hasn't, perhaps, exhibited the best judgment in choosing his dates. ["I liked the hooker a lot better, myself." -- Wing Chun] Cathy sticks her head in to mention the meeting on the Hill. Sam is now quite eager to go to that meeting, but Cathy says she cancelled it. Sam now has to continue having the riot act read to him by Mallory.