The White House Pro-Am

Props to my new stereo, which I finally hooked up to my TV, so that I can fully appreciate the magic of stereo surround sound. I'd also like to mention that I rearranged my living room, and I now see The West Wing from an entirely new perspective. Har dee har har.

Previously on The West Wing: The First Lady, a doctor named Abby, married to the President of the United States, existed. Also, Charlie and Zoey were adorable, and Special Agent Maggie -- I mean, "Gina" -- was nervous.

As we fade up, Abby sits with a teenaged boy, surrounded by lights and cameras. She tells the boy, Jeffrey Morgan, that if he's nervous she'll mock him. Jeffrey is unfazed, so she clarifies that she was kidding. I bet he knew that. She says, "You're not going to get nervous, are you? Because if you do, I'll beat your brains out. Not me personally, because I have people who do that for me." Then she complains to her aide, Lilli, about her outfit. Anyone else starting to think that Abby's the one who's nervous? Monitors show a random New York news program coming back from a commercial break. The anchor introduces Abby through the use of a complete non-sequitur, and confirms that Abby and Jeffrey are in the Mural Room, as if anyone would know that or want to know that. Abby then introduces Jeffrey as someone who has opened her eyes to the issue of child labor. While Jeffrey starts to elaborate, we cut to the West Wing bullpen, where Sam is watching the proceedings. "When did Jeffrey happen?" he wonders. Lilli, who must have scampered over to the West Wing pretty quickly, says that she found Jeffrey yesterday. They watch as the anchor asks Jeffrey, "Your organization, the Kid's Crusade --" Jeffrey corrects her, pointing out that the group's name is, of course, the Children's Crusade, and I desperately want to believe that no news anchor in a major market like New York City would be so boneheaded as to screw up something as obvious as that, but it all rings horribly true. Also, note the irony, since most of the kids in the original Children's Crusade ended up getting sold into slavery. Anyway, the anchor explains that Jeffrey created the group because his pen-pal in India was "indentured" to pay off twenty-five dollars that his mother had borrowed. Lilli asks Sam if the Prez could cancel his plan to go to Capitol Hill for some budget talks the day. She explains that Abby is scheduled to speak to the Press Club tomorrow, and that Abby's staff "want[s] the news cycle." Apparently if the Prez leaves the White House, the press coverage will overwhelm Abby's story. Sam responds that the Prez is, after all, the Prez, not to mention Abby's husband. Lilli says, "Your guy has a forty-eight percent approval rating. My guy's at sixty-one. And bite me." Sam nods, "Ah. Point well argued." The anchor asks if the nameless company they've been discussing knows that some of its workers are children. Abby says, "If they don't, then they're criminally negligent. If they do, then they're simply criminal." Lilli grins at the sound bite, and asks Sam to speak to Toby about her request. As if on cue, Toby pops out and tells Sam to change the channel. Toby explains, "Bernie Dahl died." Sam obeys, and we see a new reporter explaining that Dahl, who suffered a fatal heart attack that morning, was considered "the chief architect of the longest peacetime economic expansion in history," and was twice appointed Chairman of the Federal Reserve. During the credits, I experiment with the various "Dolby Pro Logic" settings on my stereo.

Through a doorway, we see the Prez sitting in the Oval Office, asking, "Is there going to be a coup?" Hey, don't give Rob Lowe any ideas there, Martin. Turns out he's talking to some military advisors, who say that a coup is unlikely. Whew! Another crisis solved. The Prez pages through his briefing book as Leo pops in to interrupt. He and the Prez step into the doorway to confer. Leo informs the Prez about the Fed Chair's death. The Prez notes that the stock market will open two hundred points down, and Leo says, "If we're lucky." Leo tells the Prez to name Ron Erlich as the new Chairman. "Not yet," says the Prez. Leo insists that announcing Dahl's successor will calm things down, but the Prez says he isn't sure he wants Erlich, and that he needs another day to decide. "It's going to be an expensive day," Leo comments. "Wall Street needs to trust me," the Prez responds. Leo finally agrees, adding, "Just give me a minute to call my broker and dump my portfolio." Leo suggests leaking that Erlich will be the Prez's choice, but the Prez doesn't like that idea either. He says, "I'm not ready to jump into bed with Ron Erlich yet. Making me one of the few people in my family who can say that." If I were Leo, I'd start making "mrrreow!" noises right there. Which is one of the many, many reasons I am not the White House Chief of Staff.

Donna sees that's it's time for her mid-morning Josh-harassment. He's on the phone when she walks into the office and starts yammering about some book she's reading. Josh says he's on the phone, but Donna knows that he's on hold, so he grudgingly asks about the book. Apparently it's all about what life was like one hundred years ago. Maybe such a book has taken Washington by storm, but if so, I missed it. ["I was totally distracted by this bunch of trivia, as just one hour before the show I aired, I received one of those forwarded e-mails that basically recounted all the same points Donna announces. I could not stop thinking that Aaron Sorkin got the same e-mail five minutes before he turned in this script." -- deborah] Donna starts spewing information about popular names and hair care products of the 1900s, while Josh finally gets to talk to whoever has been keeping him on hold. Josh says, "I'm meeting him in five minutes. Toby's gonna be fine," and then tells Donna to shut up. He hangs up the phone, and is forced to listen while Donna tells him that one hundred years ago, the population of Las Vegas was twenty-two. Josh heads out to talk to Toby, while Donna trails him, explaining that even a hundred years ago, drive-by shootings were a problem in Denver. Josh asks, "When do you have time to read these books?" My question is, when does she have time to memorize them? Donna says that it's important to make time for oneself. Josh says, "I notice you're able to do that right here at the office," as he leaves.

Hey, Ken Olin's directing again; perhaps we can enjoy some more shots of the lighting fixtures. In his office, Toby tells Sam to think of some way for C.J. to explain why the Prez is waiting a day to name a new Fed Chair. You might want to make a flowchart to follow this story, by the way. Sam suggests that the Prez is waiting out of respect. Toby accepts that, and Sam says that he's going to the gym. Toby says, "That doesn't seem to be about anything that interests me." It seems that Dahl's death has reminded Sam of his own mortality. Toby points out, "It's his fifth heart attack. He's a hundred and thirty-eight years old." Aha, maybe Dahl wrote that book on life one hundred years ago. ["Maybe it's his diary." -- deborah] Sam says that they all have stressful jobs, and that he hasn't been to the gym in three weeks. Isn't walking ten miles of corridor every day enough exercise? Toby, who has started popping M&M's, says, "Sam, look at yourself. How much healthier do you want to be?" Sam repeats that he's going to the gym at lunch, adding, "And that's going to be sad for me, because I'm going to live longer than you." "Don't count on it," responds Toby, and Sam heads out the door just as Josh enters. Toby tells Josh they're waiting a day to name a Fed Chair out of "respect for the dead," adding, "And how I wish I were one of them." Josh insists that Toby will love the meeting. Toby bets that he won't, adding, "It's locked down with some fifteen votes to spare." Josh insists that there is value to getting more votes, because it will be "a clear and public demonstration that the President's liberal base hasn't turned their [sic] backs." Toby says he'd prefer to see the backs of the three Congressmen they're meeting. Josh accuses Toby of thinking it's beneath him to ask. Toby shouts, "It is beneath me to ask! It's sewn up!" Josh tries to argue, causing Toby to shout some more, attracting the attention of nearby peons until Josh pushes the door closed. Josh suggests that they can play good cop/bad cop. Toby says they can't: "This isn't an episode of Hawaii Five-O. How about, you be the good cop, I'll be cop that doesn't go to the meeting?" Josh says that the Congressmen will be insulted if Toby doesn't show up. Toby points out that they're likely to be insulted if he does. I love Toby. As they finally head down the hall, Toby begins muttering, "I gotta exercise more, I gotta eat better." Josh instructs Toby, "You're gonna sit there while I court these people's votes, and every so often you're going to smile so as to indicate warmth." Toby says, "I can still kick the crap out of you, though. We're clear on that, right?" Josh agrees, and again confirms that Toby is going to behave himself. Toby says he will, but as soon as they step into the conference room, Toby repeats, "It's sewn up, Josh."

C.J. tells the press corps that the Prez is shocked, saddened, etc. about Dahl's death. Reporters ask if Erlich will be Dahl's replacement. C.J. confirms that Erlich and several other people are candidates for the position. Fishboy interjects that Abby has declared a preference for Erlich and asks if that will influence the Prez's decision. C.J. is surprised to hear that, and Fishboy clarifies that there's a wire story in which sources close to the First Lady confirm that she hopes Erlich will be named when Dahl leaves the position. C.J. says, "I don't know who the unnamed people are, but I suppose it's possible that on a social occasion --" and then Fishboy lets her off the hook. Which is funny, since you'd expect Fishboy to be the one on a hook. Although frankly, I'd suggest throwing him back. Other reporters ask why the replacement won't be named until the day, and C.J. repeats Sam's answer: Respect. Minutes later, she's headed down the hallway while her secretary tells her there's a copy of the wire story on her desk. C.J. runs into Sam, who, true to his word, is headed for the gym, and asks for his help. She explains about the First Lady's declared preference for Erlich, and Sam reluctantly tosses his gym bag to a passing secretary and agrees to help.

Lilli is on the phone talking about how "the First Lady is going to lead the charge against child labor." Lilli hangs up as Sam enters the office, and she crows about how Abby is going to run with the ball. Sam says, "I just want to make sure we're the ones calling the plays in the huddle." Sam questions Lilli about the wire story, and Lilli denies knowing about it. "It wasn't you?" Sam asks, doubtfully. Lilli huffily says, "We've got to find a way for our two staffs to work together better than this." Sam says that they don't: "We need to find a way for your staff to work better with our staff." For some reason, Lilli does not find this attitude ingratiating, and leaves. Sam tells Lilli's secretary, "That was a nice bit of diplomacy I just did there. I was good. I'm going to the gym now."

The Prez is telling Leo and C.J. about the stock market and the national debt and other things that I know I should try to understand, but I just can't muster up the energy to do so. C.J. and Leo have the same glazed-over expression that I have. The Prez finally asks if they understand. Leo says, "C.J. doesn't understand a word you're saying," neatly skirting the question of whether he does, either. C.J. insists, "I understand the oeuvre. I get the basic mise-en-scène of what you're saying." Leo, the Prez, and I all snerk to ourselves. Apparently, the Prez's point is that Erlich is not necessarily his choice for Chairman of the Fed. C.J. secretly wonders why he didn't just say that. Then she wonders out loud if she should ask Abby to clarify her opinion by telling the press something like, "My husband will choose the best man for the Fed." The Prez shakes his head and says, "We don't handle my wife. When we try, you know what happens at the other end of this building?" "You get a little punishment?" C.J. asks. The Prez confirms that he will indeed be punished, and suggests that they move on while C.J. looks at Leo questioningly. The Prez tells C.J. to find out which of his friends told the press about his wife's opinion on the matter, "and take 'em out back and have 'em shot." The Prez asks Leo, "Can I do that?" Leo says that he can. The Prez rounds up the usual suspects: "It's gonna be Phyllis, who never liked me; it's gonna be Susan, who thinks I'm xenophobic because I don't like Mexican food." As Mrs. Landingham enters, the Prez thinks of another possibility: "Our old -door neighbors, Herb and Marjorie Douglas. They're still angry with me 'cause I accidentally ran them over with my car." Mrs. L. says that Zoey's in da house, and C.J. leaves. The Prez starts lecturing Leo about economic growth again, and Leo finally says, "Sometimes I don't even know what you're talking about." The Prez responds, "Sometimes I'm just making it up," as Zoey walks in. The Prez comments on Zoey's outfit, reminding her that she used to go to school in overalls. "Yes, I used to be five," Zoey responds. She tells Leo that she's "keeping it real," causing Leo to say, "Hmm?" Leo leaves, confused by the way kids talk these days, and Zoey tells her dad about her new classes: "'Intro to Cinema' and 'Nineteenth-Century Studies.'" The Prez is upset that she isn't taking any math classes, but admits, "'Intro to Cinema' is what got me where I am today." We all laugh knowingly at this daring postmodern reference to the Sheen film library. Then the Prez gets serious, and tells Zoey that they've been getting letters from people who are a trifle displeased that Zoey is dating a black man. "Charlie?" Zoey wonders, causing the Prez to say, "Zoey, please don't tell me you're dating more than one guy." Heh. The Prez explains that there's some kind of white supremacist hoedown going on in Virginia, and that the newspapers are reporting that Zoey and Charlie will attend the opening of some local club. Zoey asks if he wants her to cancel, and the Prez says, "You don't have to cancel. But you can't bring Charlie." Zoey hesitates, then says, "Okay." The Prez offers to tell Charlie, but Zoey says that she'll tell him when they get together for lunch. Mrs. L. re-enters to tell the Prez that the Assistant Secretary of the Treasury is outside. As Zoey starts to leave, she asks if Erlich is going to be the new Fed Chair. The Prez says he doesn't know, and asks if Zoey would like the job. She says she would, but the Prez says, "Can't have it. Know why?" The Prez and I shout the punchline together: "No math!"

One of the anonymous Congressmen Josh and Toby are meeting says, "Josh, we're Democrats. Since when do we like lower taxes?" Josh confirms that they don't, but they do like lower tariffs. While Josh elaborates about the Global Free Trade Access Act, Toby dangles his tea bag over a mug, and interjects that the act will pass by fifteen votes. While Josh continues trying to sell free trade, Toby reaches for the last doughnut. Essentially, Toby is acting like a sulky child who has been dragged along to some boring adult cocktail party, and I love him for it. Congressman Whozit says that they're worried about imported goods competing with American products, and that they are "very concerned about the lack of environmental controls." Toby says, "You're concerned about American labor and manufacturing? What kind of car do you drive?" "Toyota," says Whozit. "Then shut up," Toby suggests. Josh winces and says, "What Toby meant to say is that we don't get to see you guys very often, and it's a crying shame." Good save, Josh. C.J. raps on the door, and Josh tells everyone to think about what they'd like for lunch while he goes to chat with her. Toby gets up as well, and adds, "Also think about the fact that we won, and we're still here courting your vote for reasons passing understanding." Josh leads Toby outside and tells him, "This is why you have a reputation as a pain in the ass." Toby is not at all displeased to hear that, saying, "I cultivated that reputation." Josh asks if he could get Toby to try harder, and Toby says, "Sure, 'cause right now I'm not trying at all." C.J. finally gets their attention and tells them about the wire story, adding that Lilli told Sam she didn't know anything about it. "Is it Lilli?" Josh asks. "Yeah," says C.J. Toby says that Abby should issue a statement of clarification, and C.J. agrees, "But she's not going to unless someone tells her to." Toby thinks that C.J. should do that, but C.J. says the Prez just told her not to handle Abby. Josh asks, "Did he say he didn't want you to handle the First Lady because he didn't want you to, or did he say it like, 'Handle the First Lady but I'm not the one who told you to'?" C.J. doesn't know. Josh says that C.J. needs to learn the signs, and C.J. says she knows most of them, just not this one. Toby tells C.J. to page Sam and ask him to talk to Lilli again. That way, they aren't handling Abby -- they're just talking to her staff. As C.J. leaves, Josh asks Toby, "So what would you have done if the guy told you he drove an American car?" Toby says, "Find some other way of humiliating him." Josh notes that Toby likes winning. Toby says, "Saves you from having to say the word 'please.'"

Sam is lifting weights without a spotter, because that's the kind of guy he is. What kind? Dumb. His beeper goes off, and he sets the barbell down and bonks his head on it when he starts to sit up. Tee hee. Hey! It's that Gal: Amy Aquino approaches, saying, "I heard the clang and the 'ow,' and I figured it must be Sam Seaborn." Hm, apparently Sam's vague resemblance to Wesley on Angel is more than skin deep. Sam greets her, and we'll eventually learn that she is Congresswoman Becky Reeseman. She asks if she can talk to him for a minute, inquires about the trade bill, and says that she's speaking to him as a courtesy, not because she's obliged to do so. Sam starts to look concerned, and says, "Tell me you're not offering an amendment." She confirms that she is indeed going to attach an amendment restricting child labor, explaining that "the First Lady blew the trumpet." Sam tells her that they fast-tracked the bill to prevent riders from being tacked on to it, and that this will stop it from passing. Reeseman repeats that she's telling Sam as a courtesy, and makes it clear that she won't be talked out of it.

Fishboy is phoning in a story about the trade bill when Leo pops in and invites him to go for a walk. Fishboy notes that the market opened three hundred and twenty points down, but that it's slowly rebounding. Leo says it'll be okay, and finally gets to the point: "The President was wondering if you had a few minutes to spare at the end of the day." Fishboy stops in his tracks, trying to decide if he can reschedule his appointment to get his gills cleaned. ["Snerk!" -- deborah] Leo says it'll just be Fishboy and the Prez, off the record for a quick chat during an evening reception for the Michigan Women's Democratic Caucus. Fishboy hesitantly says, "It sounds like --" Leo suggests, "Like the place will be lousy with female Democrats?" Fishboy agrees that it will. Was I the only one bewildered by this conversation? Anyway, Fishboy says that he'll be there, and turns to go just as C.J. approaches. Fishboy tries to chat, but C.J. bluntly says, "I don't have time for you right now." Hooray! She spots Sam and tells him that the Prez told her not to handle Abby. The entire staff is just playing a giant, complicated game of telephone in this episode. Sam asks if the Prez meant it, and C.J. repeats that she doesn't know that sign. She explains that Toby thinks Sam should talk to Lilli again. Sam agrees to do it, and strides off with the parting remark, "You gotta learn the signs, C.J."

Sam runs into Lilli's secretary in the hallway, and asks if Lilli's in her office. The secretary says, "You can go on in," which, you'll notice, didn't answer Sam's question. Sam steps into the office and pauses. Lilli's not there, but Abby is. Eeek! Abby says, "Lilli tells me we have a problem." "Yes ma'am," Sam agrees, as we go to an overhead shot that somehow makes it look like a gunfight is about to break out. Abby says, "I don't understand, because we used to be very close. And now it seems to me I have a large and energetic staff, whose main function seems to be waging war with your staff. Is that accurate?" Sam says he doesn't think it is. Abby goes on to say, "We're thoroughly professional." Sam says, "No ma'am, I don't think you are." I admire Sam's cojones for saying that to the First Lady, but my first reaction was to shout, "Run, Sam, run for your life!" Despite my fears, Abby does not immediately rip Sam into little shreds, which gives him time to add, "I believe that you are prone to amateur mistakes." Abby clarifies, "So my staff is professional, just not me." Sam says that she shouldn't go on national television without vetting it through Sam's office. Abby asks what was wrong with the interview. Sam says nothing was wrong with it: "Except it looked like you discovered there was a child-labor problem because a fourteen-year-old boy named Jeffrey just told you about it." Abby says, "I do not believe that is true." Gotta side with Sam there, Abby. Please don't hurt me. Sam uses an analogy to point out that he's the media expert in the room. He also instructs Abby to tell Reeseman to kill the amendment. Abby says she will. Sam seems a bit surprised that she agreed so easily, and thanks Abby as she leaves. ["Why do I have the feeling that no one ever spoke to Hillary Rodham Clinton this way and lived to tell the tale? -- deborah]

Fishboy nervously sits waiting for the Prez to see him. He tells Mrs. L., "You keep glancing over like you're afraid I'm going to steal something." Mrs. L. insists that she's just unused to having reporters around. Fishboy says, "I'll try not to get ink on the furniture." Mrs. L. says, "Aw, Danny, and I was just about to offer you a cookie." She leaves, telling Charlie she'll be back soon, as Abby enters from outside through the French doors. Abby asks if Fishboy is covering the Michigan Women's Democratic Caucus, but Fishboy says he's just waiting to see the Prez. Abby gets a dangerous look in her eye and exits. Fishboy asks Charlie about going to club opening with Zoey, and Charlie says they aren't going. After confirming that it's off the record, Charlie says, "It's not going to work." Fishboy delves, and Charlie explains, "I do what I do, I go where I go. If it's a problem for the Secret Service that I'm black, then that's the way it is. But she shouldn't expect candy and flowers, you know what I'm saying?" Fishboy says, "I don't think the problem is that you're black; I think the problem is, you're stupid." Fishboy is the tact master. He tries to give Charlie some perspective: "Two thousand marriage proposals, two thousand death threats, a dozen bodyguards. Everyone wants to get close, everyone wants a thing. Plus -- and I say this standing fifteen feet from the Oval Office -- life with father couldn't have been a real company picnic." Company picnic? Shouldn't he have just said, "picnic?" Because we have a pretty nice company picnic where I work, but they still aren't exactly analogous for bliss. Anyway, Fishboy concludes by saying, "If it was me, just for now, I'd make sure I was the one guy in her life who was totally hassle-free." Have I mentioned that it looks as if Fishboy's eyes are receding further back into his skull? Maybe they're migrating to the same side of his skull, in the manner of a sole. Or maybe I just miss having Mandy to pick on. The Prez finally steps out and waves Fishboy into his office.

As Fishboy enters, Leo, sitting on the couch in the Oval Office, declares, "I'd just like to say right off the bat that I strongly urged the President not to have this conversation. So I'm just a guy sitting here." The Prez's manic grin approaches lethal levels as he begins talking about the late-night talks he used to have with Fishboy during the campaign. The Prez summarizes, "We got very close. You covered the First Lady as well. You literally wrote the book on my wife." Fishboy agrees that he did, and the Prez again talks about the "strong personal bond" he has with Fishboy. Leo, watching this, groans, "Oh, for god's sake." Fishboy asks, "Did you call me in to ask if I knew who the sources were close to the First Lady?" The Prez looks embarrassed, and admits, "I was going to, in a proper, gentlemanly --" "Even Byzantine," Leo interjects. "-- way," the Prez firmly continues, before being interrupted again. "No, no, no, no, no," says Fishboy. The Prez whines, "You must save me from having this conversation with my wife! Or at least see to it that I'm better armed when I do." Fishboy refuses, pointing out that he'd be revealing another reporter's source: "Also I'd get in trouble with the First Lady!" The Prez quips, "Well join the club, Danny. We had some jackets made." Fishboy stupidly adds, "Sir, if it makes you feel any better, I just gave some very sage dating advice to Charlie Young." The Prez responds, "You're coaching my personal aide on how to score with my daughter? Yes, Danny, that does make me feel better." The Prez tells Fishboy to go away.

At the caucus meeting thingy, Donna tells Josh some more historical trivia. She says that "medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm of the foot pedal. They recommended slipping bromide -- which was thought to diminish sexual desire -- into a woman's drinking water." Josh asks why anyone would want to diminish women's sexual desire, while wondering if there's anything he could slip into Donna's water that might make her shut up. ["Really. Join that club, Josh. We even have a secret handshake." -- Wing Chun] "We can get out of hand," Donna explains. Abby enters the room, and heads straight for Reeseman. She reminds Reeseman that she and the Prez will support Reeseman if she runs for Senate, then tells her that the child-labor amendment will kill the trade bill. Abby explains, "The GOP will allow their guys to wear the black hats, and they'll be released from the party-line vote. This will surprise but not shock the Democratic leadership, because they've seen it before. The vote will pass the House, because that's how sure they are it'll never pass the Senate, and what's more, you know it." Reeseman says that if she pulls the bill on Abby's say-so, she'll have unspecified problems of her own. Abby tells Reeseman that the Prez's staff won't say a word about it, and the only other people who know work for Reeseman. Reeseman reluctantly takes Abby's assurance, and Abby leaves.

Good god, now Leo and the Prez are reading that stupid book. Leo mentions that marijuana, heroin, and morphine were available over the counter, and that one physician said heroin was "a perfect guardian of health." Leo adds, "Now they tell me," as the Prez chuckles. Mrs. L. pokes her head in, and Leo immediately heads for the door. "Stay!" the Prez insists. "Right," is Leo's sarcastic response. The Prez calls Leo "chicken," and Abby enters the room. "Hello, gumdrop," she says. ["Gumdrop?" -- deborah] Stockard Channing is able to look perfectly innocent and horribly menacing at the same time, and I wish I knew how she did it. While the Prez hurries to shut all the doors, Abby mentions that Sam went to see her Chief of Staff twice that day. The Prez starts to explain that he gave specific instructions to C.J., but Abby interrupts, "Then C.J. got the signal wrong." The Prez hesitantly admits that C.J. didn't, actually, and that he wanted C.J. to send someone to talk to Lilli. The Prez explains that the wire story, the television appearance, and Reeseman's amendment are all problems for him now. Abby says she killed the amendment, and asks why the Prez didn't just come to her about all this. She says, "You don't staff me out. You don't give C.J. signals, you don't send Sam, and you don't bring Danny Concanon up here. Don't handle me, Jed!" The Prez looses his temper and tells Abby not to play him: "A lot of people around here think it was Lilli Mays who planted [the story that] you have a preference for Ron Erlich." Abby says it wasn't Lilli, it was her: "And I'm sorry about that, but I wanted Ron to know he had my support." The Prez snaps, "I name Ron Erlich now, which I was gonna do anyway, and it makes it look like I'm taking instructions from my wife!" Abby insists that it was wrong for the Prez to send his people to deal with her, and that it was wrong for him to wait a day to name Erlich just because "thirty years ago the new Fed Chair was [her] boyfriend for six months." The Prez responds that, for her part, Abby was wrong to send him messages through the press, and to "stake out positions on morning shows." He insists that he won't live this way, and threatens to go to Capitol Hill and give the Speaker of the House his resignation. Abby points out that the House isn't in session. Bad move: The Prez shouts, "You want to see me get on the phone and put it in session?" He tells her, "It was nine months, Abby, not six months, and I waited a day on Skippy because the Fed Chair's a fairly important position, and I wanted to make damn sure my decision was right!" Abby points out that the Prez already admitted that he planned to name Erlich. They say "yes" to each other a few times, and the Prez says, "On that point I concede the high ground." Abby sighs and says, "And I concede I was wrong about the thing." She starts to add, "However," but the Prez says, "Just be wrong. Just stand there in your wrongness and be wrong and get used to it!" Abby ignores him and says she'll still kick his ass on child labor: "If it was one of our girls in that factory, you'd send in the Marines." The Prez ponders that, and finally agrees. After a moment, he comments, "We just had our first Oval Office fight." There is no mention of make-up sex, and I for one am okay with that. Abby mentions that Zoey's upset because she can't go to the club with Charlie. The Prez theorizes, "Maybe she'll be so traumatized by this experience that she'll never date another boy again." Abby notes that Charlie left a while ago: "I'd say in about an hour, the lights'll be off, there'll be a sock on the doorknob --" The Prez begs her not to finish that thought. He puts his arm around Abby, helps her with her coat, and they head back to the shindig.

We see Charlie heading up the dorm stairs -- and he's carrying flowers! Aw. He knocks on Zoey's door, and we can see SAG lounging in the room across the hall. Zoey opens the door, and Charlie explains that he came to apologize. Zoey says he left her sitting in the restaurant, which isn't quite true, since she was in the bathroom when he left, although I guess technically she could have been sitting there, too. Charlie says he feels bad about doing that, and Zoey asks what else he feels bad about. Charlie says, "Off the top of my head, I wouldn't be able to give you a comprehensive list. Suffice it to say, anything I've done to upset you, even if it only exists in your kind of confused little mind, I really apologize for." I'd be okay with that, except for the "little" part. Zoey doesn't appear to be as sensitive as I am, though, since she asks what Charlie brought her. He presents her with flowers, and a book: Introduction to Advanced Trigonometry. Charlie says, "Your father made me pick it up." Charlie also has popcorn and some movies. Zoey tells Charlie, "Get in here." As the door closes behind Charlie, SAG tells her right thumb that "Bookbag is in for the night," just as her breasts block out the screen.