By Deborah
Previously on The West Wing: Sam tells Toby he accidentally slept with a prostitute, Josh fears Sam will try to "reform" the prostitute, Leo tells Morris Tolliver that POTUS wants him to be his personal physician, Mandy is hired over Josh's objections, Leo gives POTUS the news of Tolliver's death, and POTUS vows a revenge involving thunder and fury.
Morning at the White House. Josh, looking exceptionally pasty (and a little damp, since it's pouring out), arrives at work as Donna rushes up behind him to tell him that C.J. is looking for him. He tells her that "Good morning, Josh" is a pretty good way to start the day. Donna complies and when he asks what's up, she tells him for the third time that C.J. is looking for him. Josh is oblivious to the urgent tone in Donna's voice and says to tell her he's in his office. Donna, for the fourth time, tells Josh about C.J. in a way that finally makes him ask, "What did I do?" Donna asks, "How would I know?" to which Josh replies, "'Cause you know everything." Donna smugly agrees. Josh is a little annoyed, and Donna launches in about how sure, he says that now but whenever she wants to make a substantive contribution...and Josh cuts her off to insist that she makes plenty of substantive contributions. Donna wants an example; Josh points out that telling him why C.J. is looking for him could be a substantive contribution. Donna picks this moment to tell him she needs a raise. Josh: "So do I." Donna points out the obvious, namely that Josh is her boss. He protests that he's not the one who pays her; her point is that he could recommend her for a raise. Josh, increasingly desperate to find out just how much trouble he's in, asks Donna whether she thinks this is the best time to ask for a raise. Donna glibly replies that she thinks it's the best time. Josh tells her she's not a very nice person. (Nor terribly smart, it would appear.) Donna finally huffs a bit and tells Josh that from the "small shards of information" she's been able to overhear, the best she can "cobble together" is that there may be some situation involving Sam, a woman, and C.J.'s being denied information. Josh doesn't really answer her but says, "Okay, here's what I'm going to do..." Donna: "Hide in your office?" "No, I'm not going to hide in my office. I'm going to go into my office and devise a strategy. That is what I do. I'm a professional. I'm not a little boy." Donna mutters, "That's the spirit." As Josh puts his hand on the doorknob, he says, "But if she calls, I'm at the dentist. I'll be back in an hour." Donna says "Got it," as Josh walks into his office to see C.J. sitting in his chair reading a newspaper, long legs and high heels perched up on his desk. Josh lets out a loud yell of alarm as C.J. folds the edge of her paper down, glares over the top edge of her glasses and announces, "Wow, are you stupid!" Credits.
Josh pinches the bridge of his nose and declares, "You can't be mad at me for this, C.J." C.J. folds up her paper and says, "Really? Let's see if I can. Let's see if I can find it in me." Donna comes up behind Josh and says in a kind of dopey tone of voice, "Wait, she was here?" C.J. asks Donna to excuse them as Donna wonders, "How did I miss that?" Josh replies, "I don't know but you can kiss that raise goodbye." Donna leaves, reminding Josh that he has a senior staff meeting in five minutes. Josh closes the door and C.J. says incredulously, "A call girl? A call girl, Josh?" Josh makes a lame joke and C.J. asks if he grasps the seriousness of the situation. Josh asserts that he doesn't think it's all that serious, pointing out that Sam didn't know she was a call girl when he slept with her; he didn't pay her any money; he didn't witness, have knowledge of, or participate in anything illegal or unethical or immoral or suspect. C.J. listens to all this with that "oh really, Missy?" look your mother gives you when you explain how all your friends are allowed to sleep over at their boyfriends' houses. She shouts that "none of that matters on Hard Copy!" Josh tells her she's overreacting. (Tip for Josh: Never say that word to a woman who's mad at you. Especially if there's the remotest chance that she's right.) C.J. says, "Am I? As women are prone to do?" Josh replies that that isn't what he meant, and there's a bit of "did too/did not/did too":
Josh: You know what, C.J.? I really think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista! (Pauses.) Wow, that was way too far.
C.J.: No, no. Well, I've got a staff meeting to go to, and so do you, you elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row, Yankee jackass!
Josh: Feel better getting that off your chest there, C.J.?
C.J.: I'm a whole new woman.
Hee! (Although, I should probably be annoyed that it's okay to throw an insult at C.J. for being Gentile, when it seems highly unlikely C.J. would respond with an insult to Josh's Jewishness. Shiksa comes from the Hebrew word for blemish; it's not as neutral a word as a lot of goyim seem to think. ["I didn't know that." -- Wing Chun]) As they leave for the meeting, Josh says, "You look like a million bucks, by the way." C.J. snaps, "Don't try and make up with me." (I'd like to give her credit for knowing that the construction should be "try to," not "try and," but I listened to it a few times and it sounds more like "try and" to me, which is wrong. This moment of pedantry has been brought to you by the letter F and the number 0.) As they hustle off to the Oval Office, Josh says that he'll talk to Sam. C.J. says, "I'll talk to Sam." They run into Toby, and Josh asks him, "How was last night?" Toby responds: "The longest dinner of my life. The President was up from the table every five minutes, teeing off on Cashman and Berryhill. He's barking at the Secretary of State. He's scaring the hell out of Fitzwallace, which I didn't think was possible. He's snapping at the First Lady. He's talking about blowing up half of North Africa..." C.J. asks, "He's snapping at Mrs. Bartlet?" Josh tells C.J. that this may be a good time to tell POTUS about Sam and the call girl. Toby asks, "She knows?" C.J. confirms it: "I'm afraid I have that information, and I'll be in to see you, my friend, very shortly." Toby wonders, "How the hell did I get into trouble?" Josh: "Today? All you had to do was get out of bed."
In the walkway outside the Oval Office, we hear Jed's voice snarling, "This is crap, Leo! It's been three days. This is amateur hour!" Leo tries to placate POTUS, saying, "Cashman and Berryhill have to revise the response scenario so that they speak to State's concern..." POTUS retorts, "Cashman and Berryhill are dragging their feet. Cashman and Berryhill are trying to make me look like a clown. And State should concern itself with what I damn well tell 'em to be concerned with." Leo says, "Doesn't work like that." POTUS snaps: "So I've discovered." Leo adds that POTUS knows that's not how it works, and that the chiefs are moving as swiftly as they can, even though time isn't a factor. He also states that Cashman and Berryhill have a reasonable point with respect to the Security Council. Jed calls out to Mrs. Landingham that he can't find his glasses anywhere, and, waving his arms around, requests that she do whatever it is she does when he can't find his glasses. He turns his attention back to Leo. "It's been seventy-two hours, Leo. That's more than three days since they blew him out of the sky. And I'm tired of waiting, damn it. This is candy-ass! We're going to draw up a response scenario today. I'm going to give the order today. We're going to strike back today." Leo says quietly, "I wish you wouldn't say 'him,' Mr. President." Jed's puzzled. "What?" "Three days since they blew him out of the sky? Of course that's fine while it's just you and me, sir. But in there with Fitzwallace and the Chiefs, I hope you say 'it' or 'the airplane,' not him." Jed seems a little annoyed that Leo is suggesting that he's taking it personally, wondering why the hell he shouldn't take it personally, and pointing out that Americans were on the plane. He bellows again to Mrs. Landingham about his glasses, while Leo is trying to say that he thinks they still need to talk about something, but Jed ignores him and tells Mrs. L he still doesn't have his glasses. Mrs. L reassures him that they're "on it." Um, wouldn't the President have at least one spare pair of glasses? She also tells him that the Director is waiting and Jed tells her to bring him in. He then asks Leo what he wanted to say but Leo decides not to bother, and goes off to his staff meeting, leaving Jed to peer at a document in a file folder.
Leo enters his office and everyone greets him. Josh, with his mouth half full of food, asks, "How's his mood?" Leo tells them all not to worry about it, and asks Sam, "What do you know?" Sam replies, "It's true. I have the transcript from the broadcast." Sam, with some interjections from Leo, begins to explain that a Congressman Bertram Coles appeared, along with some officers from Cromwell Air Force Base, on a radio program in his home district (where they have just recommended cuts in funding for the M6 Beacon), and made remarks about the President's being weak on defense. "Folks down here are patriotic, fiercely patriotic. The President better not be planning on making any visits to this base. If he does, he may not get out alive." Toby listens to all this and asks, "He said that? Sitting there with military officers?" Josh tells him not to take the bait. Toby says, "You better believe I'm going to take the bait." Leo says, "There oughta be a law against it." Toby raises his voice and waggles his finger; "There is a law against it." Josh asks Leo, "Why'd you get him started?" Leo shrugs and suppresses a little smirk. Toby, his voice getting louder: "How about threatening the life of the President? He's talking to other people. How about conspiracy? There were military officers. How about treason?" Josh: "Toby..." Toby: "That was a member of our own party, Leo. That was a Democrat who said that!" He pounds his fist on Leo's desk. Leo allows that it's bad. Toby's incredulous. "That's it?" Leo's unfazed: "What are you gonna do?" Toby replies, "Have the Justice Department bring them in for questioning pending felony charges!" Josh cracks, "Toby's right. What's the good of being in power if you're not going to haul your enemies in for questioning?" C.J. kicks Josh's chair. Toby can't believe that they're really not going to do anything about this. Leo says, "Yeah, Toby, 'cause what we really need to do is to arrest people for being mean to the President. Toby grouses, "There is no law...there is no decency..." Josh tells the peanut gallery, "He's just getting that now." Leo tells them that in the event that an attack order is issued today, they'll need a half hour on the networks. C.J. says the networks need ninety minutes' notice. Leo says they must wait until the last minute and tells Toby to start working on a draft for the President. Toby mentions that he needs to know what targets they're hitting. Leo doesn't know either and tells Toby, "It's military, Toby. You'll know when you know." Toby tells Sam the people with whom he must co-ordinate, and Leo says, "Let's do this right." Josh: "Not much chance of that."
C.J., Josh, Sam and Toby burst through a set of doors. C.J. is saying, "We need to be fully stocked -- State department officials, the Pentagon, we'll need the Embassy office..." Josh says they should get McMartin on board, and Adamley at the Pentagon. C.J. says she's got them. Josh asks, "So how do we tell 'em what we know without telling 'em what we know?" C.J.: "Well, we don't know anything so that shouldn't be hard." As C.J. breezes off, she asks Sam to stop by her office at lunch. Sam says sure and then mutters to Toby, "Think she knows?" Toby: "Yeah." Sam: "Why?" Toby: "'Cause she told me she knows." Sam asks if they can talk, and Toby tells him they can, and that he'll be right back. He's looking at something off-screen ahead of him. A secretary is whipping by (I believe it's the elusive Renee Estevez playing Nancy), and he tells her to hold on and stay there. She stops and waits as Toby walks toward the small clutch of people who caught his eye. Most of them are holding notebooks. One guy asks Toby whether he heard what Bertram Coles said on the radio. Toby says, "Yeah." Another reporter says, "And...?" Toby replies, "The Secret Service investigates all threats made against the President. It's White House policy not to comment on those investigations." The first guy says, "So you're telling me there's going to be a criminal investigation?" Toby, satisfied that he's stirred things up sufficiently, regards them very seriously and says, "I really can't comment on that right now. Damn, I gotta get back to my office." He walks away, back toward Nancy, and hands her the file he was carrying as he mouths the words "Thank you." I'm not entirely sure why he needed her to stand there, unless it was to make it seem like they'd interrupted him, and not like he deliberately went over to them, which of course, he did. Because Toby rules. Also, if that is Renee Estevez, she's got her Dad's eyes, and she sure looks like she could be Emilio's sister. Unlike Emilio, she doesn't look too dissipated; then again, to cut Emilio some slack, she hasn't been married to Demi Moore.
After the commercial, we're in C.J.'s office. She's talking to two women about something to do with science and technology; I can't tell whether the women are reporters or secretaries, but since I don't think I've seen them before, I'm going with reporters. Sam comes up to the door and knocks; C.J. dismisses the other two. Sam says he thinks he knows why she wanted to see him. C.J. says, "Do you? You sussed it out, huh?" She starts to lay into him about the media figuring out what's going on, to which he replies that there's nothing for the media to figure out. She tells him he can't spend time with a call girl; he'll get caught. Sam maintains his innocence, but C.J. tells him not to get cute with her. Sam points out that he didn't know Laurie was a call girl when he went home with her; C.J. counters that he went back to see her after that. Sam argues that he went back to see her, not to solicit her. C.J. tells him that it doesn't make any difference; Sam insists it does. C.J. begins to read him the riot act about how he works fifty feet from the Oval
Office and he's consorting with a prostitute. Sam takes great umbrage at the word "consort" and talks about how he likes this woman as a friend, and she poses no threat to the President. Okay. But then he goes on to say that as a result of his friendship she may start living within legal bounds and ensure herself a greater future, and isn't that what they're supposed to be doing in the White House? Yeah, Sam, I'm pretty sure Leo will be putting you in charge of federal outreach to sex trade workers real soon now. C.J. is similarly unimpressed with this line of argument, and sarcastically remarks that he's there to "help [Laurie] see the error of her ways." Sam reiterates that he's there because he likes Laurie, and that he's not sleeping with her, and that it isn't tawdry. C.J. says she doesn't care what it is, she cares what it looks like. Sam snaps, "And I care what it is! And I think it's high time you all spent a little less time looking good, and a little more time..." C.J. cuts him off: "And a little more time being good? Yeah, I've heard that one before." C.J. tells him there's one other thing, and Sam indicates that he's "resenting the hell out of this conversation." C.J. says, "It was tough to tell from your tone of voice." He wants to know what the one other thing is. C.J. tells him, "I'm your first phone call." Sam: "When?" C.J.: "Before. Now. In the future. Any time you're into something and you don't know what. And you can't tell me you thought there was nothing to it, because you sat down with Josh and you sat down with Toby. Any time you're into something and you don't know what, you don't keep it from me! I'm your first phone call. I'm your first line of defense. You have to let me protect you and you have to let me protect the President!" Sam asks if that's what this is about. C.J. stands up and responds, "What this is about, Sam, is you're a high-profile, very visible, much-noticed member..." Sam: "You just said three things that all mean the same thing." Hmm. Perhaps this is not the time to nit-pick her speech, Sam. He asks if he can go now, and states that he thinks it's about her, and letting "character cops win in a forfeit because [she] doesn't have the guts, or the strength, or the courage to say, 'we know what's right from wrong and this is none of your damn business.'" C.J. looks slightly wounded and says, "Really? Strength, guts, or courage." Sam snaps, "Yes!" C.J. looks down, snatches her glasses and as she sits down, says, "You just said three things that all mean the same thing." She puts on her glasses and looks at her computer screen and begins typing. (Probably: Die, Sam, die!) Sam can see he's gone a bit too far and tries to talk to her but she dismisses him. As he opens the door to leave, he turns and tries to ask casually about what she thinks the target for the retaliatory strike will be, but C.J.'s not having it and keeps typing as she tells him that she really doesn't know. "The Commandant of the Second Division doesn't tend to include me in his thinking." Sam says, "I'll see you later." C.J. snaps, "Count on it." As Sam leaves his office and rounds a corner in the hallway, he pounds the wall hard enough to make bystanders turn their heads.In the Situation Room, Admiral Fitzwallace and some bald army guy are huddled together holding up their coffee cups, and Fitzwallace says, "This is different coffee than we usually have." It's such an oddly commercial moment that I half expect Juan Valdez to stroll in with his donkey, but instead Leo and POTUS hustle in. POTUS sits down, keeping his posture unusually stiff, and asks what they've got. Fitzwallace replies that they have three retaliatory strike scenarios, operational at the President's command, no prep time needed. Fitzwallace indicates that all three scenarios are comprehensive, meet the requirements of proportional response, and pose minimum risk to American personnel and assets. The Admiral starts to describe the first scenario, known as Pericles I. (Bartlet, the über-nerd, must have named this operation, given that Pericles was a right-wing Democrat in Athens, which seems to be the way Jed is feeling these days.) Before the Admiral can get very far, Jed asks: "What is the virtue of a proportional response?" Fitzwallace is confused, and Jed repeats: "What is the virtue of a proportional response? Why's it good?" Fitzwallace and Leo look at each other. POTUS continues: "They hit an airplane, so we hit a transmitter, right? That's a proportional response." Fitzwallace tries to go back to his presentation, and Jed continues: "They hit a barracks, so we hit two transmitters." Fitzwallace agrees that that's roughly right. Jed says, "This is what we do. I mean, this is what we do." Leo quietly says, "Yes sir, it's what we do. It's what we've always done." Jed snaps, "Well, if it's what we do, if it's what we've always done, don't they know we're doing it?" Leo tries to get him to look at the plan for Pericles I; Jed says he's looked at it: "It's two ammo dumps, an abandoned railroad bridge and a Syrian intelligence agency." Fitzwallace offers that these are four highly rated targets. POTUS points out that the Syrians know they're going to go after those kinds of targets, and that the areas have been abandoned for three days, which they know from satellite reconnaissance. Jed's getting more wound up as he says, "They did that, so we did this. It's the cost of doing business. It's been factored in. Right? Am I right, or am I missing something here?" Leo's trying to interject as the voice of reason, but Jed talks over him. Fitzwallace says, "No sir. You're right, sir." POTUS: "Then I ask again, what is the virtue of a proportional response?" Fitzwallace admits, "It isn't virtuous, Mr. President. It's...all there is, sir." POTUS insists that it's not." Leo tries to get a word in edgewise, but Fitzwallace interrupts, and asks Jed, "Just what else is there?" It's Terminator time: "The disproportional response. Let the word ring forth, from this time and this place, gentlemen, you kill an American, any American, we don't come back with a proportional response. We come back with total disaster!" He bangs the table. Some military guy way down the table asks POTUS if he's suggesting that they "carpet-bomb Damascus." Jed roars, "I am suggesting, General, that you, and Admiral Fitzwallace, and Secretary Hutchinson, and the rest of the national security team take the sixty minutes and put together an American response scenario that doesn't make me think we're just docking somebody's damn allowance!" With that he storms out, leaving a slightly bewildered Leo to face the chiefs.
The shot is of an old painting of some guy on a horse. I'm probably supposed to know that it's Teddy Roosevelt or somebody like that, but I'll just plead Canadian-ness here. Strega probably knows. The camera pans down the painting to rest on the face of a young man we've never seen before. He's looking a tad apprehensive as he waits in a large empty conference room. Josh walks in with Donna at his elbow. He's giving her a lunch order as he walks toward the young man: "I would like salad, I would like soup of some kind, and if you were to run across a sandwich of some kind, then hang the expense. And I would like a bottle of water." Donna's got it and she hands Josh a file saying, "This is Charles Young," and whizzes out. Josh doesn't introduce himself but just says, "I'm supposed to vet you." Charles is confused: "I beg your pardon?" Josh repeats himself, "Vet you. I'm supposed to vet you -- investigate to discover if there are problems." He finally introduces himself and asks whether the young man goes by Charles. Turns out it's Charlie. He sits and invites Charlie to do the same, but Charlie prefers to stand. Just then, Josh sees Donna rushing past the door in the hallway and calls out to her that she can forget the salad, he's not going to eat it anyway, but that he would like a bottle of water as soon as is humanly possible. Josh turns his attention back to Charlie and tells him to have a seat i
n a way that prevents Charlie arguing. Josh indicates that he's sure Charlie understands why they have to be so particular, because it's such a sensitive, demanding job. Josh is rambling about the various demands (long days, travel on short notice, the diplomatic difficulties of fending off kings and prime ministers) and asks Charlie if he understands so far. Charlie smiles a bit and says he thinks there's been a mistake, and tells Josh that he came looking for a job as a messenger. Apparently someone in HR has been instructed to keep an eye out for someone like Charlie, and he's been recommended for a different job -- personal aide to the President. Charlie's confused, but Josh rattles off the qualities they look for in a personal aide: "Traditionally a young guy, twenty to twenty-five years old, excels academically, strong on personal responsibility and discretion, presentable appearance..." Charlie tries to interject but Josh continues: "We obviously get quite a few candidates who meet those qualifications, so the rest is just gut instinct." Josh gives him a sly look and says with a straight face, "Or you could bribe me." Charlie tries again to register his objections: "Sir, I, uh..." Josh already told him earlier not to call him "sir," and says, "Seriously Charlie, we call the President 'sir.' Everyone else says, 'Hey, when am I gonna get that thing I asked for?'" At that moment an arm pokes into the screen with Josh's bottle of water: The arm belongs to Donna. Charlie says that there's been a mistake as Josh says, "I'll say! Donna!" She comes back so that he can point out a typo to her ("insuccessful"). Meanwhile Charlie's standing up and trying to leave. Josh turns his attention back to Charlie and complains that he's standing up again. Charlie insists that he came for a messenger job. Suddenly Josh asks, "Why aren't you in college?" Charlie looks hesitant as he starts to say something about his transcripts. Josh is looking through Charlie's file and remarks, "Your grades are better than mine. Well, not really, but they're close." Charlie modestly replies that it was "an easy school" but Josh persists, mentioning that he's looking at recommendations and test scores and so forth, and says, "You didn't want to go to college?" Charlie looks kind of sad as he explains that he has a little sister at home and that he takes care of her. Josh asks (a little too breezily), "Your parents are gone?" "My mom, she's a police officer. She was shot and killed on duty a few months ago." Josh looks stunned as Charlie adds, "Five months ago." Josh doesn't say anything.Post-commercial, we're back in the Situation Room. Jed arrives and makes a crack about a delegation of cardiologists in the Blue Room. "You wouldn't think you could find a group of people more arrogant than the fifteen of us, but there they are, right upstairs, in the Blue Room." Chuckles all around. POTUS is ready to hear what Fitzwallace has to say. Fitzwallace, standing in front of a map projection (so that his face is thus patterned) launches into the new scenario, in which they attack Hassan Airport (which I'm fairly sure is a made-up airport name; I can only find a record of two airports in Syria, neither of which bear this name. Probably a good idea in case there are any viewers who have trouble separating reality and fiction ["Perish the thought." -- Wing Chun]). He indicates that in addition to the civilian casualties, which could run in the thousands, the strike would temporarily cripple the region's ability to receive medical supplies and bottled water. Fitzwallace points out that such a strike would be seen both in the U.S. and abroad as a "staggering overreaction by a first-time Commander-in-Chief. And without the support of our allies, without a Western coalition, without Great Britain and Japan, and without Congress, you'll have doled out five thousand dollars' worth of punishment for a fifty-buck crime, sir." Jed looks a little deflated, and slightly chastened. Fitzwallace continues: "Mr. President, a proportional response doesn't empty the options box for the future the way an all-out assault would..." Jed waves his hand politely and says quietly, "Thank you." He clears his throat, looks around the table and asks, "Does, uh...anyone have a cigarette?" The bald guy hands him a package of cigarettes and a lighter. I have to say, I did not figure Jed for a smoker, being the tree-hugging type that he is. He lights up and asks about the Pericles I scenario: "No civilian casualties?" Fitzwallace says that they can't promise that, but that they're as certain as they can be. POTUS asks about the military implications, and another military guy says that it will cripple both their intelligence network and their surface-to-air strike capability. Jed's quiet and finally asks Leo, "How does this work?" Fitzwallace interjects, "You give me the go order, sir." A military-uniformed flunky walks to a phone on the wall as Jed sighs and smokes and looks around at the chiefs. Finally Fitzwallace says, "Mr. President?" Jed looks at him for a few moments, expressionless, and finally nods his head. Fitzwallace goes to the phone and takes the receiver from the flunky and tells whoever's on the other end that they can start the clock on Pericles I and to stand by for a confirmation code. He tells the room, "We're underway." POTUS pitches his cigarette into somebody's water glass (Leo's, from the look of things) and gets up to leave, saying nothing. Fitzwallace tells Jed, as he reaches the door, "Well done, Mr. President." Jed turns in the doorway and says, "Fifty-buck crime? I honestly don't know what the hell we're doing here." He walks away.
Back in the conference room, Josh has, I guess, regained his composure after Charlie's alarming news about his mother, and is explaining to Charlie that he has to ask him a lot of routine questions and that there's no cause for alarm. Charlie's still resisting and as Josh asks him if he's ever tried to overthrow the government, Charlie asks if all this is because the messenger job is no longer available. Josh tells him that the aide job is better: The pay is better, he doesn't have to ride around town on a bicycle, and instead of being a messenger, he gets to be personal aide to the President. Charlie tries to wriggle out again, when Sam shows up for no apparent reason and interrupts. Josh introduces Sam to Charlie, and Charlie tries to indicate that he's there for the messenger job, and starts citing his qualifications for that. Josh indicates that he's got more questions, but Sam says, "You ever try to overthrow the government?" Charlie: "No, sir." Sam: "What the hell's been stopping you?" Hee. Josh smirks and says he's got to ask Charlie some personal questions. Sam's indignant: "No, you don't." Josh is still kind of smirking but looks at Sam, slightly puzzled: "Yes, I do." Sam wants to know why. Josh: "Because I do." Sam asks Charlie if he's going to come to work early, stay late, do his job efficiently and discreetly. Charlie seems to still be on the track of resisting and says, "Well, as I was saying to Mr. Lyman..." bur Sam cuts him off and says, "Thank you." To Josh: "What more do you need to know?" Josh gives Sam a bit of a look and asks Charlie to describe his social life, friends, and leisure activities. Sam mutters to Josh, "I cannot believe you," as Charlie tries to say something about his sister, Deena, but trails off, unsure what he's being asked. Sam says, "He's asking if you're gay, Charlie, and I wouldn't answer the damn question." Josh slaps the table and says, "All right, that's it, Sam. Let's take a walk." As Josh escorts Sam out of the room, Sam says to Charlie, "Feel free to sue our asses off. I'll represent you, if you like." They leave Charlie there to wonder what the hell is going on. Josh asks what that was all about and Sam grouses: "It's ridiculous." Josh says that it's not, and Sam points out that he knows right from wrong. Josh replies that it's not like Sam didn't know he was going to be held to a higher standard when he took this job. Sam: "I don't mind being held to a higher standard. I mind being held to
a lower one." They're bickering about whether or not he's dug his heels in and whether or not that's an admirable quality when Toby strides purposefully in between them and says "Leo's office. It's happening."People are milling around Leo's office when he arrives saying, "The order was given at 16:27; code name, Pericles I. Four targets, all military. Two munitions dumps in northern Rashan, Safian Bridge and IHQ." The estimated time of the attack is about 6:30 PM EST. Leo tells C.J. that she can come to the Situation Room in about twenty minutes for a briefing, and tells Toby and Sam that the Prez will go on network at 9:00 PM, so they should start zeroing in. As the three of them rush off to their work, he reminds them that there are to be no phone calls in or out, and tells C.J. that she can't say a word to the press without his go-ahead. C.J.: "They're going to wonder what all the fuss is about." Leo: "Then let's not have any fuss." C.J. mentions that she could use some time with the President, and Leo replies, "You and me both." He manages to reassure her and she rushes out. Josh is still standing near the doorway, hands in his pockets. Josh asks Leo if he's okay; Leo says he's fine. Josh brings up the issue of the President's mood, particularly the fact that Jed was snapping at the First Lady. Leo tells Josh he's right, but that Leo can't deal with that right now. He then hollers for Margaret. (Doesn't anyone in this building have intercoms?) Josh tells Leo that he's interviewing a kid for the position of personal aide, and that he's really great, and got good marks, and is postponing school to support his sister until she gets out of high school, and adds the part about his mother's being shot. Basically, Josh really likes him and wants to hire him. Leo: "So what's the problem?" Josh: "He's black." Leo replies, "So's the Attorney General and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs." Josh: "They don't hold the door open for the President. I'm not wild about the visual: a young black man holding his overnight bag?" Now Leo's a bit annoyed. "Josh, I hold the door open for the President. It's an honour! This is serious business. This isn't casting. ["No, not at all, NBC. Not at all. -- Wing Chun] We get the guy for the job and take it from there." Josh: "Good." Leo, a little less vehement: "And I'm fairly sure I'm right about this." Margaret comes in to announce Chairman Fitzwallace. Leo tells her to send him in. Fitzwallace enters and Josh introduces himself. They make a bit of small talk and Josh leaves. Fitzwallace tells Leo that he's going to have to calm Jed down since he's going to speak to the country later. Leo knows, and asks Fitzwallace if he has any advice. The Admiral demurs a bit, but Leo insists. Fitzwallace suggests telling him that the first time is always like this, and that he's doing fine. Leo doesn't think POTUS is doing fine at all. Fitzwallace says, "Yeah, he is. Presidents don't make new friends. That's why they've gotta hang on to their old ones." As the Admiral is exiting, Leo calls out to him and asks if he'd have any problem with their hiring a young black man to wait on the President. Fitzwallace responds, "I'm an old black man and I wait on the President." He then asks Leo, "You gonna pay him a decent wage? You gonna treat him with respect in the workplace?" Leo responds affirmatively. "Then why the hell should I care? I got some real honest-to-God battles to fight, Leo. I don't have time for the cosmetic ones." Leo thanks him and the Admiral rushes out, passing Toby in the hall. Toby's got an armload of papers and apologizes to Fitzwallace for being unable to stop to speak with him. As Toby cuts through the conference room, someone (looks like Nancy) asks him what the estimated BDA is. I can't quite figure out what BDA is. Toby: "It's my first bombing. I don't know yet." As Toby's racing off, Josh calls out to him from where he's hanging out in the conference room and asks if Toby needs any help, but Toby just says "no" and keeps going. Josh then says to no one in particular, "Sheila, if you need me for anything...I'm standing here with absolutely nothing to do."
The camera cuts to Toby's secretary on the phone, trying to put someone off who wants to speak to Toby or Sam or somebody. When C.J. rushes by, the secretary (Kathy, I think her name is) covers the mouthpiece and asks C.J., "Why is no one available to speak on the phone?" C.J.: "I don't know, they're planning my surprise party." C.J. goes to the door of Toby's office where he and Sam are discussing the adjectives to describe the Syrian attack in the President's speech. They've got "unprovoked" and "cold-blooded" but Toby wants a third adjective. C.J. stops at Toby's door and calls his name. He says, "Quickly." She says, "The AGM 84E SLAM." I haven't got the faintest idea what she's talking about, but Toby hollers, "Kathy! Sam cut the paragraph ten minutes ago!" As Kathy whizzes past the door, she says, "It's coming out on the redline!" C.J. repeats her question and Toby says, "Stand-off Land Attack Missile. Distinguish it from the AGM 84D, or harpoon, which is an anti-ship missile." C.J. thanks him and leaves. Toby and Sam are back to their adjectives and Sam offers "unwarranted." Toby's satisfied with "unprovoked," "unwarranted," and "cold-blooded." Sam jumps up and starts to run out, and naturally Toby wants to know where he's going. Sam begs for two seconds and goes running after C.J. He says, "I'm sorry about before." C.J.: "Yeah." Sam: "I'm just really very fond of her, is all." We can only see the side of C.J.'s face so it's hard to tell how relenting her expression is, but her tone has some forgiveness in it. She tells Sam, "Go back to work," and he gives kind of a slight smile and says, "Right." C.J. trucks off toward her office but is buttonholed by a group of reporters. One guy asks her what all the hubbub is about. C.J. feigns ignorance and the guy presses her, "Come on, C.J. Fitzwallace was in Leo's office." C.J.'s glib: "Admiral Fitzwallace is Chairman of the Joint Chiefs. Leo McGarry is White House Chief of Staff. I'm your host, C.J. Let's play our game." The reporters are undeterred and ask, "Is it happening?" C.J.: "No." "Would you know if it was?" C.J. pleads, "Guys..." "Then why all the activity" C.J. cracks, "Menudo's in the building. I gotta go." She leaves and walks toward the door of her office, where Danny Concannon is waiting for her. She's clearly less than thrilled to see him, and figures he's there to get a scoop on the possible military strike. In fact, he's there to tip her off to the fact that he knows Sam Seaborn has been "going around with a three-thousand-dollar-a-night call girl." She doesn't say anything, but puts her hand to her forehead. He tells her to ask him inside her office, which she does.
After a slew of commercials (which I resent whenever I'm watching a show, and am grateful for whenever I'm recapping), Josh is wandering around the White House later that same evening, at loose ends. (Wouldn't the Deputy Chief of Staff have something to do on the day of a military strike? Just asking.) He ambles over to Donna's desk, where she's busily processing work and inquires as to Charlie's whereabouts. Donna tells him he's filling out forms for Personnel. (Doesn't almost every workplace call it Human Resources now? Just asking. So many questions.) Josh asks how Charlie was doing; Donna replies that he looked "pretty freaked." Josh says, "He's a gamer. I can pick 'em." Donna says, "If you say so." Josh fidgets around behind Donna a bit and finally announces, "I have nothing to do." Donna patiently says, "I can see." Josh, just 'cause I like you, here's a clue, completely free of charge: Never loiter around a subordinate, especially one of your own, who's busy trying to get work done and announce that you have no work, unless you are there to offer to help that person in any way they need you. In particular, do not hang around your secretary's desk making it obvious that you have nothing to do, even if you don't mention this is so many words. It's highly annoying. Unless, of co
urse, you don't mind if your assistant spits in your coffee, or finds other ways to make your life miserable. I do have to give Bradley Whitford credit for perfectly capturing the quality of the boss-with-no-work-to-do, hanging around. A guy zooms into Donna's space, reaches across Josh, and grabs a file. Josh says, "Everyone running around like the future of the world depends on it, which I suppose it does. Everyone running around, working. Me, I got nothing to do. Like a writer on a movie set." Donna's getting peeved, and asks him, "Have you ever been on a movie set?" Josh admits, "No, but I hear stories." Donna asks, "You wanna do mail?" Josh doesn't answer her but perches himself on Donna's printer table and rambles on: "At least there's some comfort in knowing that whatever's going to happen today has already happened." From behind him we hear the grating voice of Mandy Hampton, standing at his doorway, saying, "Josh, your office sucks." Josh says to Donna, "I don't understand it. Why can't you tell me that there is a person in my office?" Donna says, "Hey, the first time I didn't know. The second time, I didn't care that much." (See, Josh, this is exactly the sort of thing I was talking about.) Donna gets up to go somewhere. Mandy's standing at Josh's door with her arms crossed and says, "I mean it. It's a hole!" Josh walks toward his office and says, "Why are you here?" Mandy explains that since she starts work there week, she "came to get psyched." (Now there's a scary thought: Mandy, more psyched.) Josh tells her she picked a hell of a day to get psyched. Mandy asks, "Why? Because the President gave the attack order and you're getting ready to go on the air?" Josh avoids confirming this, but Mandy makes it clear from the things she's observed that she knows what's going on. Josh says that's not why it's a bad time, but Mandy tries to guess what the targets might be. "What is it, IHQ? A couple of armouries?" Josh says, "You want to say it a little louder, Mandy? I don't think Syrian Air Defense Command heard you." Mandy ignores this and tells Josh she brought him a present. Josh, wisely suspicious, wonders why she's being nice to him. Mandy claims it's because she's psyched to start working there. Josh confesses that it's been a bit ugly around there since Tolliver's plane was shot down, and as the President accordingly comes to terms with the use of force. Josh asks what she brought him, and says he wants his present. Mandy hands him a small gold picture frame with a large purple pre-fab bow on it, saying, "It's a picture I found.". Josh pulls the bow off and looks at the picture, and states, "It's a picture of you and me, and someone's drawn all over my face with a magic marker." Mandy says, "That was me...during my period of hating you." Josh cracks, "Well, that could have been pretty much any time, couldn't it?" Mandy says the picture was taken the night they met, at some seafood place near the Democratic leadership conference. She states that he couldn't stop staring at her. He claims she was wearing "quite the ensemble" that night (hard to imagine, if her work clothing is any indication) but Mandy replies, "I don't think it was the wardrobe you were looking at, Lucky." Ew. I'm hating this conversation, especially as it becomes more pleasantly nostalgic. She says, "You guys are doing okay, Josh." Just then the phone rings. Apparently they've found something for Josh to do, so he's gotta go. Mandy says she'll see him week, prompting Josh to ask, "Listen, you're not gonna be this nice to me when we're working together, right?" Mandy grabs her things and says, "Not a chance," and leaves. Josh mutters, "That's what I thought." He sets the picture up on the edge of his desk and finally we get to see it. Josh's face is indeed scribbled out. They look awfully cozy and couple-y for two people who had just met that day. I have to wonder what sort of tactic this is on Mandy's part. Personally, I find it a little bizarre, but who can figure out the way Mandy thinks?In the scene, Danny and C.J. are in her office. He's letting her know, as a courtesy, that he's going to be asking around about Sam and the call girl. She's trying to convince him that it's "much ado about nothing," but Danny argues that it doesn't look that way. C.J. defends Sam, saying that he knows right from wrong, and while it would make her life easier if Sam weren't friends with this woman, Sam does get to choose his friends. She doesn't get to choose them for him, and neither do Danny's readers. C.J. further asserts, "There's something commendable about Sam's behaviour here. Don't ask me what, but there is. And I'm sticking by him until the President orders me otherwise, and I'm going to look very unfavourably on those who seek only to make us look like fools." Danny tells her that he'll drop it, but warns her that she better get "dee'd up here, because not everybody's a good guy." I have no idea what "dee'd up" means. At first I thought he said "teed up" but being the anal recapping nerd that I am, I listened to it about ten times and it's definitely a "d" sound. Anyway, he figures eventually someone's going to tail Seaborn, and reminds her that he found out about it somehow. C.J. weakly tries to get him to tell her how he found out, but he's not having any of that. He just thinks any opponents who find out will just hang on to the information until the eve of "something big," and then try to use it to blow them out of the water. C.J.'s phone rings and she takes the call; Danny starts to leave but she tells him to hang on; she'll give him a ten-minute head start on something "for being a good guy." When she gets off the phone, she tells him "We're out of Syrian airspace."
Josh is giving Charlie the fifty-cent tour around the White House. "This used to be the White House Counsel's office until Toby and the communications staff conquered and pillaged." Josh points out the Map Room, the Roosevelt Room, the Oval Office, the Chief of Staff's office. "The only thing left to do is say hello to the President." At that, Charlie comes to a dead stop but Josh keeps walking. He's rambling on about how they're about to go on air when he notices Charlie's not at his side any more. He turns around and beckons Charlie with his finger; Charlie doesn't look quite as scared as a deer caught in the headlights, but he's close. I believe they were supposed to be doing this TV appearance in the Embassy Room, not the Oval Office, but it looks like the Oval Office to me. It's hard to tell with all the crap and the people in the room. It's a whirl of activity, with monitors and equipment being set up, POTUS yelling for his glasses, people trying to talk to POTUS, and various people racing or standing around. Josh stands at the edge of the room with a fairly nervous Charlie. POTUS is asking Toby and Sam about the "BDA" again (my guess is, Bombing Damage Assessment? Best I can do ["Sounds good to me." -- Wing Chun]) but Sam and Toby explain that there's a problem with getting the information, since they usually get their information from sources inside Syrian intelligence, and they just blew up Syrian intelligence. POTUS yells, "Oh, for crying out loud! Will somebody get on the phone to CNN and find out if we hit anything?" Just then some guy in a sweater-vest comes in and hands him the BDA. POTUS thanks him and says, "Now, if I only had my glasses..." Mrs. Landingham enters the office tentatively and starts to tell him that the porters have searched his bedroom from top to bottom looking for his glasses. POTUS complains that he hasn't had his glasses all day and that they could have brought in an optometrist by now. Seriously, would this guy not have a second pair? A copy of his prescription? An optometrist who'd have his prescription on file? Any or all of the above? Is there really no money in the federal budget for this? Anyway, he snipes a bit more at Mrs. L. and Nancy. C.J. asks POTUS to familiarize himself with the information on the Phoenix, which I'm assuming is some military craft or other; Jed's very short-tempered with her and says he got the bri
efing last night. He rambles on about how studied the report the night before in his reading room, and rattles off the names of some other military craft. Charlie whispers something to Josh, which I'm guessing is, "Is the President always like this?" Josh looks a little surprised and says, "Tell him." I guess that's not what Charlie said. Someone tells POTUS it's ten minutes to air and Jed says, "For want of a pair of a glasses..." C.J. hands him hers and he gamely tries to read with them but says, "Oh crap, I can't see anything with these." Josh is still urging Charlie to tell POTUS whatever it is he said to Josh. Charlie pipes up, "Mr. President?" The whole room falls silent as everyone nervously regards the newcomer with the cojones to say anything to POTUS in his present mood. Charlie happens to be standing in front of a monitor that's hooked to a camera that's on POTUS, so behind Charlie we can see Jed, who's actually across the room. Neat staging. POTUS rips off C.J.'s glasses and stares at Charlie, as Charlie tries to tell him that he mentioned reading the Phoenix report in his study the night. POTUS doesn't get it and snarls, "What of it? Who is this?" Mrs. L gets it right away and dispatches Nancy to tell someone to look under the papers on the coffee table in the President's study. She gives POTUS a slightly weary look. Josh says, "Mr. President, this is Charles Young..." POTUS dismisses them with a wave and says abruptly, "I don't have any time for new people now." Charlie looks a wee bit disappointed, and Josh succeeds in not revealing too much with his own expression. Leo looks over toward Charlie and Josh and says under his breath, "All right, that's it." He asks Jed for a minute of his time.Jed and Leo go into Leo's office. Jed asks him what he needs. Leo points out that Jed's gone through everyone who works for him and everyone who's married to him and he doesn't know who else he could get mad at, so he's afraid the American people could be . Leo adds that when they're done with bombing announcement, Jed's going to be sending Abby some flowers. Jed looks petulant but doesn't argue, just nods. He sighs and launches into a long diatribe. Leo, you might want to pack a lunch. Actually, we all might want to do that. "Did you know that two thousand years ago, a Roman citizen could walk across the face of the known world, free of the fear of molestation? He could walk across the earth unharmed, cloaked only in the protection of the words civus Romanus: 'I am a Roman citizen.' So great was the retribution of Rome, universally understood as certain, should any harm befall even one of its citizens...where was Morris's protection? Or anybody else on that plane? Where was the retribution for the families? And where was the warning to the rest of the world that Americans shall walk this earth unharmed, lest the clenched fist of the most mighty military force in the history of mankind comes crashing down on your house? In other words, Leo, what the hell are we doing here?" Leo says, "We are behaving the way a superpower ought to behave." POTUS snaps, "Well, our behaviour has produced some crappy results. In fact, I'm not a hundred percent sure it hasn't induced it." Leo doesn't know what he's talking about, and Jed rages, "I'm talking about two hundred and eighty-six American Marines in Beirut! I'm talking about Somalia! I'm talking about Nairobi!" Leo snarls at Jed, "And you think ratcheting up the body count is going to act as a deterrent?" It seems that Jed thinks that's damn right. Leo tells him that in that case, POTUS is just as stupid as the people who think that capital punishment is going to deter drug kingpins, "...as if drug kingpins didn't live their day-to-day lives under the possibility of execution. And their executions are a lot less dainty than ours, and tend to take place without the bother and expense of due process. So, my friend, if you want to start using American military strength as the arm of the Lord, you can do that. We're the only superpower left. You can conquer the world like Charlemagne...but you better be prepared to kill everyone. And you better start with me, because I will raise up an army against you, and I will beat you!" Jed's calmed down a little and says, "He had a ten-day-old baby at home. We're doing nothing." Leo insists that isn't true, that they're destroying four highly rated military targets. POTUS: "And this is good?" Leo: "Of course it's not good. There is no 'good';. It's what there is. It's how you behave if you're the most powerful nation in the world. It's proportional, it's reasonable, it's responsible, it's merciful. It's not nothing. Four high-rated military targets." Jed's getting wound up again: "Which they'll rebuild again in six months!" Leo's really yelling now: "Then we'll blow'em up again in six months! We're getting really good at it." Jed's quiet for a bit and sighs heavily. Leo says in a normal tone of voice, "It's what our fathers taught us." Jed says gravely, "Why didn't you say so?" and cuffs him on the arm a bit. As POTUS wanders over to a chair, he says, "Oh, Leo...when I think of all the work you put in to get me to run and all the work you did to get me elected...I could pummel your ass with a baseball bat." Leo laughs and they both crack up totally. Thank God the yelling part of this exchange is over, because I've had it with typing the HTML codes for italics in every blasted sentence. Leo decides to tell POTUS about what Bertram Coles said about him. Jed's amused and asks, "Bert's calling me out?" Leo confirms, "Apparently the people in Bert's district are so patriotic that if the President of the United States himself were to show up, they'd kill him." They crack up some more and POTUS says, "Ziegler must be ballistic!" Leo grins and says, "Toby is on it." Suddenly POTUS asks, "Oh by the way, who was that kid before, the one who figured out where my glasses were?" Leo's face straightens up and he explains, "Well, if you want him, that's your new body man." Jed says, "What's his story?" I still can't quite resolve this super-hawkish, thunder-of-God, arm-of-the-Lord aspect of Jed's personality with the bookwormy, tree-hugging, Latin scholar aspect, but at least it's interesting. Thank God some television writers know how to write a complex, multi-dimensional character, instead of making everybody a cartoon for various neuroses. David E. Kelley, I'm glaring in your direction.
In the Oval Office, everybody's cooling their heels waiting for Jed and Leo to return. Toby's perched on the desk fiddling with a pen. C.J. comes up and stands behind Toby's right shoulder. She asks if he knows anything about as story going around about the Secret Service investigating Bertram Coles. Toby says he doesn't. C.J. tells Toby that Maggie Greeenwald is quoting him as saying the Secret Service investigates all threats made against the President, and that it's White House Policy not to comment. "Did you say that?" Toby says, "Yeah. Hey, you don't suppose that's how the story got started, do you? You know what, C.J., you tell Bert Coles that Toby Ziegler said there's a new sheriff in town." C.J. says nothing but smirks at him. Ride 'em, cowboy! ["deborah, for heaven's sake. You're a married woman!" -- Wing Chun]
Charlie's standing in what looks like an anteroom, and an extremely yellow one at that, wondering what Josh has gotten him into. Josh comes up behind him and apologizes for how things have been going, saying it's been a bad day for the President: "I have to tell you, he's ordinarily an extremely kind man, placing a very high premium on civility. Today...it's just been a very difficult few days for him." Charlie seems unmoved and says, "I think I should probably go," probably wondering about now whether Burger King is hiring. Just then, POTUS appears and says, "Excuse me, Charlie? Can I see you inside, please? Come on, it's okay." Charlie walks toward him hesitantly and POTUS sticks out his hand and says, "I'm Jed Bartlet." Charlie introduces himself as Charles Young, to which POTUS replies, "But you prefer Charlie, right? Listen, Leo McGarry filled me in on the situation with your mother. I'm so very sorry. I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of calling Tom Connolly, the FBI Director, and we had the computer spit out some quick information. Your mother was killed by a Western .38 revolver firing KTWs, or what are known as cop-killer bullets. Now, we have not had a whole lot of success yet in banning that weapon and those bullets off the streets, but we're planning on taking a big whack at it when Congress comes back from recess. So, what do you say? You want to come help us out?" Charlie finally cracks the first smile since his interview with Josh and says, "Yes, sir, I do." POTUS thanks him and shakes his hand. This guy knows how to get someone on board. He has to turn his attention to his public address now, and Charlie and Josh are hustled out of the way. I was teary the first time I watched this, and even replaying it ten times to recap it, I'm still sniffly. ["I'm sniffly just reading it, and I'm not kidding. Charlie makes my heart hurt." -- Wing Chun] Behind his desk, Jed buttons his jacket as Leo comes up and asks him if he's all set. Jed: "You tell me." Leo: "It's a pretty ugly tie." Jed, all mock indignant: "My granddaughter gave me this tie!" Leo: "My nephew gave me a an ashtray he made at summer camp!" Jed: "Get away from me! Somebody throw this guy out of the building!" Leo, smiling, gets out of the way of the camera as Jed sits down and prepares to speak. We watch as the camera pans around the room to show us the faces of some of those assembled, watching. Charlie remarks to Josh, "I've never felt like this before," and Josh says, "It doesn't go away." The President begins to speak: "My fellow Americans, good evening. A short while ago, I ordered our armed forces to attack and destroy four military targets in northern Syria; this, in response to the unwarranted, unprovoked, and cold-blooded downing three days ago of an unarmed Air Force jet carrying fifty-eight passengers and the flag of the United States..." The camera fades to black before the audio stops, and I, for one -- Canadian-ness notwithstanding -- am just about ready to pledge allegiance.