By Deborah
Previously on The West Wing: Zoey asked Charlie out; her father was less than thrilled about it; Josh was jolted out of a hangover stupor by an angry Joey Lucas; the President told VP Hoynes that he shouldn't have had to beg him to be his running mate; Jed told Zoey that he's increasing her Secret Service protection.
It's 2:38 AM EST. Leo and POTUS are in the back of a limousine talking. Jed's rambling about how he doesn't enjoy putting VPOTUS in the position of having to cast a tie-breaking vote in the Senate on the issue of an ethanol tax credit. Neither of them actually mention the VP, but they didn't need to; it's somehow obvious. Jed's noting the irony of it all, and Leo agrees but not enthusiastically enough for Jed, I guess, because Jed asks him, "Are you being brusque with me?" Leo responds, "It's three o'clock in the morning." POTUS replies, "I'm just saying, you can't blame me. That's what you get from having an even number of senators." Leo says, "Yeah, you should blame the Constitution." POTUS: "That's what I usually do." Leo: "Yup!" The President then asks his driver if he's going to meet "her" on the plane, and the driver says that he will. POTUS tells Leo that Zoey has a new Secret Service agent, and describes how these new agents have "the hair, the backpacks, the clothes," and they're walking around campus with .44 Magnums and wires in their ear. Leo says, "They really blend in, huh?" POTUS replies, "Let me tell you something, when it's your kid, you don't want 'em blending in. You want 'em wearing a sign that says, 'I'm carrying a loaded gun and the safety's off.'" Leo then starts haranguing POTUS about his health, asking him to rest if he gets tired, and to consider staying at the hotel for the night, but Jed wants to come right home after the fund-raiser that evening. Leo tells him it's really no good for him. POTUS reassures him, "It'll be fine." Leo: "Be that way." Jed replies, "Your impersonation of my mother is getting sharper and sharper, you know that?" Leo smiles and says, "Thank you." Jed chuckles. How much do I want to see Jed's parents now, when I've actually never given them one thought before? They're at the airport and the limo stops to Air Force One. Leo wishes him a good flight, as POTUS calls out, "C.J.! Charlie! My travelling companions!" No doubt C.J. can't wait to be on another flight with POTUS after the "gruesome" trip to Stockholm two weeks ago. As the three of them board the plane, POTUS asks C.J. if the press is in a good mood. C.J. responds, "No, Mr. President, I wouldn't say they were." POTUS wants to know why not, and she explains that "they're not wild about taking off at three o'clock in the morning, sir." POTUS hollers, "Aw, it's gonna be great! We're going to race the sun to the Pacific horizon!" C.J. says, "I'll tell them that, sir. I'm sure it'll pick 'em right up!"
POTUS greets everyone on the plane as he strides in, and says, "Sam, it's going to be fifty-fifty on the ethanol tax credit." Sam suggests that he can still make a couple of calls, but Jed tells him he can make all the calls he wants but the vote will be the same. Toby says that he and Josh would like the opportunity to speak with him about the "Al Kiefer meeting." POTUS says, "You two are so freaked out about this Al Kiefer meeting." Josh tries to say something and POTUS tells him to listen to Kiefer. Josh says, "Yes, sir." POTUS picks up a phone and as he presses a button, he asks, "You two want to see the best part about having my job?" Josh and Toby don't answer, as POTUS says into the receiver, "Colonel, this is the President. I'm ready to go." Both Professor Frink and I are duly impressed as the credits and commercials run. I am especially impressed as I have had not one, but two trips to California ruined by Air Canada's inability to get a plane off the ground any earlier than three or four hours after the appointed time. What I wouldn't give for a plane to leave on my say-so. Amusingly enough, the commercials include one for American Airlines, advertising more room in their coach class. It rather pales in comparison to Air Force One.
It's 3:45 AM EST. On the plane, the staffers are chatting. I'd think they'd be trying to sleep, since they won't get any sleep for close to another twenty-four hours, and they've got quite a long day ahead of them, but then how interesting would that be for us? Donna and C.J. are playing cards and chatting about different sunblocks -- Clinique, Lancôme, Elizabeth Arden. Toby says, "The two of you understand we're going to be in California for one day?" C.J. replies that there's tanning time between two and four, and Donna adds, "And I have sensitive alabaster skin." She does look like she'd fry pretty fast. C.J. says, "Me too." Josh announces that someone named Cameron is going to introduce a bill that morning. Without opening his eyes, Sam, who seems to be the only one trying to get some shut-eye, asks, "Gays in the military?" Josh confirms Sam's suspicion, and C.J. asks, "It's Cameron. Who cares?" Josh thinks Ted Marcus might care. Sam thinks Marcus won't know; Josh thinks he might. Toby suggests a response: "You were in here all night, you don't know anything, you'll get back to him." C.J. reiterates, "Plus it's Cameron, so who cares?" Josh still thinks Marcus will care. Just then Charlie comes up and says, "C.J.? You wanted me to let you know when it looked like he was headed for the cockpit?" C.J. thanks him as she puts down her cards, saying, "This man has got to be stopped."
Charlie walks to where Zoey is reading on a couch and sits down. ["It must be said that, since the last time she was on the show, Elisabeth Moss has had her teeth capped. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- it's not like she looks like Madonna in The Best Thing -- but she has." -- Wing Chun]
Charlie: Listen, I don't know if I'm going to be able to be as attentive on this trip as you'd like.
Zoey: That's okay, you're working.
Charlie: Well I've been trying to listen to some of the many lessons you've been giving me on how to be a better boyfriend, and I know that attentiveness...
Zoey: No, this is one of the times when it's okay.
Charlie: Okay. It's hard to tell the difference between those times and the other times.
Zoey: I know. Doesn't that suck for you?
Charlie: A little bit, yeah.
A Secret Service guy walks up to the door of POTUS's Air Force One office with ER's Maggie Doyle. As he knocks on the door, he advises her, "Don't be nervous." She nods and agrees but seems kind of nervous to me, regardless. Jed tells them to come in and the Secret Service guy introduces her to POTUS as Special Agent Gina Toscano. The Secret Service guy takes off, as POTUS apologizes for having been unable to meet her until now. POTUS asks her a series of questions and we quickly learn that she's been on Zoey's detail for two weeks, and she was in the Army via the Army ROTC at the University of Virginia. There's some back-and-forth about whether she's a mountaineer, but owing to some factor relating to West Virginia, she is apparently a cavalier. I have no idea what this is about but someone can probably explain it to me in the forums. Gina's degree is in Criminology, and she was commissioned a second lieutenant with military police. She is twenty-seven, and has trained for this assignment for a year and a half. POTUS says, "What, were you the first one to sign up?" She smiles a bit and admits, "Yes, sir." POTUS seems pleased and invites her to sit down. He mentions the Charlie-and-Zoey situation. She's aware of it, and she's also aware of "the letters" which have previously been alluded to in the "Lord John Marbury" episode. POTUS wants to know whether the letters are coming from white supremacists. Gina replies that she can't say for sure, but that they've been working closely with the Southern Poverty Law Centre's database. He asks whether they have any sketches or psychological profiles or anything. She says that they don't, but adds, "I know what I'm looking for in a crowd, if that's what you're asking me, sir." ["Am I the only one hoping that we'll eventually learn that the letters are coming from inside the White House? And that they're actually meant for Mandy?" -- Strega] ["Ooh. Burn! And, also, HA!" -- Wing Chun] POTUS looks incredibly serious as he says, "It is." Satisfied that Gina is qualified to protect his daughter, he mentions that Zoey's nineteen, and she just wants to be have the college experience, and he doesn't blame her; he loved college and so did his other daughters. (The mention of his daughters causes me to reflect on the wisdom Aaron Sorkin showed in not creating any sons for Bartlet, so we can be spared the spectacle of either Charlie or Emilio appearing as Jed's offspring.) POTUS explains to Gina that he really wants Zoey to be comfortable with her protection, so that she won't try to give her agent the slip. "It's not your job to tell me if she's cutting English Lit; it's not your job to tell me if she's dying her hair blue, or going to a strip club, or whatever she's doing with her friends. You know what your job is." She sure does. He thanks her and shakes her hand, and she also thanks him. As she's leaving, he says, "If she's cutting English Lit, I want to know about it." Gina replies, "No deal, Mr. President." POTUS dismisses her with a friendly wave of his hand. For some reason this scene made me very emotional. I'm also willing to bet that, given the number of times the subject of Zoey's safety has come up this season, and the effort just expended on establishing Gina's character, Sorkin is building toward either a kidnapping or an attempt on Zoey's life for May sweeps. (Insomuch as Sorkin plans anything; it's well-known he writes this show flying by the seat of his pants.)
Back in Washington, it's 6:30 AM EST. Leo arrives at work. He's talking to two guys about the ethanol tax credit, mentioning that ethanol accounts for twenty percent of Iowa's corn crop. One of the two guys mentions that the tax credit created sixteen thousand new jobs. Leo's opinion is that they didn't state that point often enough. The two guys want to know if it's over; Leo informs them that Sam's been phoning senators from the plane for the last hour and half (no doubt making many friends by waking them up at 5:00 AM EST to argue about a tax credit), and that the time his phone rings, it'll be Sam telling him it's over. One of the guys says, "At least we're going to win." Leo just says, "Yeah," in a way that sounds like "So what?" Leo goes over to his desk, the two guys disappear, and Margaret comes in with some papers for him to sign. She's got a tight tone in her voice. He starts to sign one in the wrong place, and in a sulky tone says, "Where it says your name, Leo. You're not the Belgian Foreign Minister." Leo looks at her, although she's looking away from him, and reminds her that he said he was sorry. Margaret says that she's not upset. He says that he had to stay behind for this, and that there'll be other trips. She says she knows that there'll be other trips, just not to California. He says there will, and she asks when. Leo responds, "They got fifty-four electoral votes out there. Something tells me we're not going to be strangers." The phone rings and Margaret gets it; it's Sam. As he takes the phone, Leo tells Margaret to get Hoynes over to his office.
Back on Air Force One, it's 5:40 AM PST. C.J. gently goes about waking up the various members of the press to brief everybody on the itinerary, since they'll be landing in a few minutes. ["Couldn't she have done that at the start of the flight, when everyone was awake?" -- Strega] She mentions that they're on schedule, and that the President will be greeted at the airport by a couple of congressmen, the mayor and various city councilors; photos only. They'll depart the airport for the hotel at 6:20, at which time C.J. predicts they will no longer be on schedule. That went off the rails pretty fast. We get a montage of the plane landing, the limos driving through Los Angeles ["...specifically, through Westchester, two towns over from where Glark and I used to live. I recognized it because of this crazy-ass building that used to be a movie theatre, but that's full of medical offices now. Many's the time Glark and I frequented the Ralph's, Blockbuster Video, and Boston Market in that neighbourhood, and giggled at the sight of Mantrap Nails. But I digress." -- Wing Chun], and arriving at the hotel as she continues. C.J. indicates that POTUS will get his morning security briefing, followed by two hours of personal staff time, after which they will be leaving for a meeting in Orange County concerning a Constitutional amendment to prohibit flag burning. At 3:00 PM they attend a meeting on school vouchers in South Central Los Angeles, which is followed by the big event, a fund-raiser at the home of Theodore Marcus. C.J. instructs them that they will wear coats and ties and stay in the roped-off press area outside the party unless they've got fifty thousand bucks per couple to "get a look at the good stuff." She concludes, "Welcome to Los Angeles, where the local time is 5:40 AM and the temperature is, ooh, a balmy seventy-three degrees." For the rest of the world, that's twenty two point eight degrees Celsius. ["It's seventy-three degrees in L.A., and it's not even six? Is this a global warming subplot?" -- Strega] ["I can believe it. Ugh." -- Wing Chun]
In the hotel hallway, Donna is schlepping Josh's luggage along with her own, while Josh struggles with the electronic door key. "Josh," Donna inquires sarcastically, "Need any help with your luggage there?" He replies, "Nah, you're fine," as he mutters about how he can never get the electronic door keys to work, and how there used to be keys. Donna's reading off messages he's gotten at the front desk while they were in the air, and finally grabs the key from Josh, swipes it once and opens the door. Josh says, "I loosened it for you." Hee. Donna lets it go and keeps reading messages. Josh says, "Later," to every one of them, until Donna says, "Joey Lucas." Josh is surprised, and even more so when he finds out that she's staying in the same hotel and attending the fund-raiser tonight. He keeps marveling about this until Donna says, "Josh, you've got a crush on Joey Lucas and I think you should do something about it 'cause you're really bothering me." Josh replies, "Well, that's something I care a lot about." Donna tells him he should call her, and Josh denies having a crush on Joey. He says he'll see her tonight. Donna quotes, "'Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,' Josh," and asks if he knows what that means. He looks at her strangely and she explains that he should take this time to gather rosebuds because later on there may not be the opportunity. Josh says, "Interpreting the classics, with Poet Laureate Donnatella Moss." I'm not entirely sure why Aaron Sorkin has chosen to bestow Josh's assistant with the same first name as Gianni Versace's trashy sister; I think of her every time Josh calls her that. And I'd rather not. Donna tells him to either call Joey or stop bugging her about it. Josh finally agrees to call her, and says that he'll deal with everybody else after that. Donna takes this opportunity to offer the most astounding non sequitur yet offered on the entire series: "I have alabaster skin, you know." Josh says, "Dial the phone." As she's about to, she informs him that Ted Marcus also called. Josh is alarmed and tells her to hang on. "Damn it...I better call him first." Josh ponders the potential unpleasantness as we go to the commercials.
Huge wrought-iron gates swing open as Josh arrives at the lovely mansion of Ted Marcus. It's 8:05 AM PST. Workers and delivery people of various descriptions are bustling around. Ted Marcus, played by Bob Balaban wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier's hairdo ["...and Ricky Martin's T-shirt..." -- Wing Chun], comes down the stairs to meet Josh at the front door. Ted's wearing sunglasses, even indoors. Okay. Ted doesn't have time for niceties, he cuts right to the chase: "Cameron introduced his resolution on the floor this morning." Josh claims not to know it, and as they walk through the house to the "back yard" (if by "back yard" you mean "looks like the patio of a palace"), he comments a few times on the beauty of Ted's house. Ted's elaborating that the resolution has to do with banning gays in the military. Josh is still being astonished by the house, and remarks, "Seriously, Studio Chairman. Nice work if you can get it." Marcus gets annoyed and says he doesn't want to talk about his house. Josh pretends not to know what he wants to talk about and pleads that he just got to his hotel fifteen minutes ago. Marcus says, "I think you want to watch your general tone with me. I'm sending you home tomorrow with two and a half million dollars. What do I want to talk about?" Josh says Cameron's bill is a joke. Marcus says it isn't a joke to him. Josh gives him some jazz about so many bills get introduced every day, most of which never get a hearing, never mind a vote. Marcus is unimpressed with this as a response. Josh is touchy and brusque and says that he only came over because Marcus asked him to, and that he's got a cab waiting outside. He tells Ted not to worry about it. Marcus pretends to be mollified and agrees that he's being silly. Josh tries to escape and says he'll see Marcus later, and that the President is looking forward to the party. Josh walks back through the French doors toward his cab, and Marcus says to his staff, "Fellas, you can pack it up. The party's off." Josh, of course, hears this and walks back to argue with Ted, who's telling someone named Carmine to give the food and flowers to "the guys." Josh says he's a rotten bluffer, and that he's not going to cancel the fund-raiser. Ted says he already did, and that the President's going to be eating room service tonight. He reminds Josh that he has a cab waiting. Josh sees that perhaps Marcus is serious and apologizes for his abruptness. Marcus says his apology is accepted, but insists that the party is still cancelled: "Witness the loading of the trucks." Josh argues that he'll be considered a joke to his people if he cancels; Marcus says, "Disrespected by the Democratic Party...whatever will I do? Particularly with my three billion dollars." Josh assures him that no one is going to pass a bill banning gays in the military and if they did, the President would never sign it. Marcus says, "Fantastic. Fantabulous." Josh establishes that the party's on and that Ted won't flake on him. "You bet." Josh starts to walk away again, as Ted adds, "As soon as I hear the President say what you just said." Marcus makes it clear that he expects the President to state this on television. Josh says Ted knows that isn't going to happen. Marcus replies, "Then we got a problem. Don't screw around with me, Josh. I've been President a lot longer than he has." ["That was a pretty great line." -- Wing Chun]
Leo's in his office working when VPOTUS Hoynes arrives. They discuss the fact that the vote is fifty-fifty, and Leo confirms that Sam's talked to half a dozen people and none of them is budging on his vote. Hoynes indicates he thought it would turn out this way; Leo says it was a surprise to him. Hoynes mentions having been in the Senate with "ninety-four of these guys." Leo tells Hoynes that he has to vote to break the tie, and adds that POTUS wanted Hoynes to know that he regrets putting him in this position. Hoynes stands up in an annoyed manner and goes to look out the window, sighing, "You gotta get me off the hook, Leo. You can't ask me to do this." Leo says he knows exactly how Hoynes feels, but Hoynes doesn't think so. The Vice-President explains that he spent eight years in the Senate voting against this tax credit, adding that he was right, and still is. Leo interrupts to mention the sixteen thousand new jobs and the economic growth made possible by the tax credit; Hoynes argues that the tax credit hasn't achieved any of its goals, and that production is to nothing and will never be large enough to reduce U.S. dependence on foreign oil, not to mention it requires so much energy to produce ethanol that it negates any conservational effect. Hoynes' real point to Leo, however, is that "The Republicans will make me eat it for dinner, when my time comes, and you know that. So let's get serious." Leo doesn't have anything to say to that.
Back in Los Angeles, POTUS is attending a meeting in Orange County, where various concerned citizens are meeting to convince the President that a constitutional amendment to prohibit burning the American flag is of the utmost importance. An old white guy is making a speechette about all the things the flag represents, the flag was carried into battle, threat to tyranny, blah blah blah freedomcakes. When he finishes, there's polite applause, and then another eager young beaver stands up to make another speechette. Josh arrives and grabs Sam and Toby from where they are standing in the background and takes them outside to talk. Josh tells them what transpired at the Marcus mansion; Sam and Toby reiterate the same things Josh said about how it's Cameron, it's not going anywhere, it's meaningless. Josh indicates that Marcus doesn't care about all that, and that Marcus is distressed by the President's silence on the subject and feels that it's a betrayal of the gay community for him to be so publicly supportive of the President with the fund-raiser. Toby advises Josh as to what to tell Ted: "It's not in the interest of his cause for the President to make a statement about this today; it'll give credibility and attention.." Sam interrupts to insist that Josh use those words, and also tell him that surely someone of his media savvy understands that the President can't be quite so publicly blackmailed. Toby adds, "Should the President choose to stay at his hotel tonight rather than kowtow to the Hollywood blah blah blah it'll only serve to solidify his public reputation with the electorate as a man of character." I love the word "kowtow," and I just wish Toby had said "Hollywood blah blah blah celebritycakes" or something like that. Wouldn't that be a cool shout-out? ["Not as cool as if he'd just confess his undying love for me, but close." -- Strega] ["Girl, get in line." -- Wing Chun] Sam further points out that the President's reputation buys them a lot more than two and a half million dollars worth of support. Toby indicates that if Marcus goes ahead with the party, he can have ten minutes alone in a room with the President. As they go back into the flagfest, Josh asks how POTUS is doing. Sam responds, "He's got that look on his face like he's thinking about ways to kill himself."
Back in the meeting room, some woman is blathering about the flag, to more minimal applause. Then another guy is talking about how it's "terribly important" to enact a flag desecration Constitutional amendment. Charlie ensures a fatter Christmas bonus by whispering to POTUS that it's time to leave. POTUS announces that he's been told he has to leave, and states that the flag-burning amendment is one that is obviously going to continue. "There is a population of this country that seems to focus a great deal of time and energy on this conversation; so much so that I am moved to ask this question: Is there an epidemic of flag burning going on that I'm not aware of?" Much as I would like to see the reaction of the Orange Countians, they're not shown, but I stand up and cheer POTUS anyway.
We see POTUS and the staffers hustling out of the meeting room and POTUS is saying, "I mean it, man. Is there an emergency level outbreak of flag desecration that no one's kept me posted on?" Toby replies, "There is not, so let's blow off the Kiefer meeting." Jed tells Toby that there's no reason for him to feel threatened by Al Kiefer and informs them that they're going to eat lunch with him. Josh is dismayed to learn this. POTUS first suggests the hotel, but then asks Charlie where Zoey's eating lunch. Charlie says that she's eating at a place in Santa Monica called the Playa Cantina; POTUS wants to know why. Because she's hungry? Charlie says that it's because she wanted an "L.A. experience." They're being routed through one ballroom or hallway after another to get out of this building. POTUS asks Sam if this restaurant is supposed to be good. Sam tells Jed that they make guacamole right in front of you; POTUS asks if that's an L.A. experience. Charlie laughs and says that he thinks she meant the people. POTUS announces, "Well, there aren't going to be any people today!" Charlie realizes this is going to ruin Zoey's lunch and tries to get the President to reconsider the hotel, because it would be easier. POTUS isn't having it: "Yeah, but the hotel wouldn't make the guacamole right in front of me." Josh says he needs to talk about Ted Marcus and POTUS says they'll do it in the car. He asks who's talking to Leo and Sam says Leo's with the Vice-President at the moment. At that point the group emerges outside and POTUS gives the crowd a big wave. There's a protest going on and some people boo him. Jed remarks brightly, "Those people over there don't like me that much!" Josh replies, "They just haven't taken the time to get to know you like we have, sir." As they reach the limo, POTUS says, "You would honestly think there was an epidemic of flag burning going on, endangering countless lives." Toby's trying to tell the President not to put too much stock on what "he" (presumably Kiefer) has to say; Jed indicates that he is having lunch with his daughter and that they can sit with Kiefer and let POTUS know what's worth listening to; Toby acquiesces. Toby starts to get in the limo but POTUS stops him, much to Toby's surprise.
Toby: I'm not coming in the car?
POTUS: No. You know why? 'Cause you made fun of the guacamole!
Toby: I didn't!
POTUS: I could tell you were thinking it.
Toby: Fair enough.
They duck into the car as the commercials come thick and fast.
It's 1:20 PM PST. Zoey's gently trying to convey her dismay that POTUS has showed up and totally altered the nature of her lunch. She was after people and atmosphere, and of course when the President showed up, they cleared the place out. POTUS says, "Yeah, but on the other hand, the guy made guacamole right in front of us." He tries to paint it as "father-daughter fun time" and she explains that she was having fun; but when he shows up, her protection quadruples. He claims not to have thought about that so convincingly that I can't tell if he's pretending or if it really never crossed his mind. It's POTUS: Either is possible. Zoey wants to know if someone is after her in California. POTUS lists some of the many menaces of California -- smog, freeway shooting, mudslides, brushfires... "Plus apparently, there is a mad rash of flag burning going on, and you don't want a piece of that." ["Not mentioned, but equally menacing -- a lower calibre of fresh produce, a laughable public transit system, a vast chasm between the rich and the poor, and the very real possibility that Courtney Love may enjoy tea at the same café you frequent. Look, I'm not saying Toronto's exactly Xanadu, but Los Angeles is really a hole, and I am not joking. No offense to Angelenos, though." -- Wing Chun] Zoey's not impressed.
The scene shifts to the table, where C.J., Josh, Sam, and Toby are listening to Al Kiefer. It's a good thing Professor Frink was watching with me, because he let out a mixture of a howl and groan when he saw the actor portraying Al Kiefer, who is John de Lancie, Q of Star Trek: The Generation. I wouldn't have known that such a horrified reaction was required, since I can't stand shows like Star Trek and that ilk and have never been able to watch more than a few minutes of any of them. Professor Frink describes Q to me as "omnipotent and immature." Kiefer is blathering about the implications of the various positions that the President could take on the flag-burning amendment. Kiefer's basic message is that if the President opposes the Amendment, the staffers can all start looking for other jobs. The four staffers disagree and they argue with Kiefer a bit; his advice seems to be that the President should neither stay quiet, nor oppose it, but should actually lead the charge to enact this amendment. Toby and C.J. sputter with laughter, which gets the President's attention. He turns to C.J. and asks whether Al has said anything yet that he should heed; C.J. assures him that they'll let him know if it happens. Al asks if the President wants to lock down his second term "right here, right now." POTUS asks him what he's got; Josh asks, "Why do you encourage him?" Kiefer claims that POTUS could attract a contingent of white male voters that Kiefer describes as the "pool and patio set" who see the President as a man of intelligence and vision, but who did not vote for him because they also think he's a wimp. Kiefer quotes some statistic to back this up, and Josh mentions they've heard such numbers before. POTUS says, "Yeah, but I never get tired of hearing them, especially in front of my daughter." Kiefer claims that he knows his is not the most popular idea in the room, but he's got numbers and he knows numbers and he trusts numbers, and they do too, and the flag-burning amendment has the numbers behind it, too, blah blah blah pollcakes. He mentions that such an amendment will eventually pass and would not be subject to a Presidential veto or overturning in the Supreme Court. Toby tries to interject, but is unable to; Kiefer claims that the game's been "played and won" and because of him and his polling information, they can pick which side they want to be on, and lead the winning team. Just then Josh's cell phone rings and he excuses himself to go answer it. Toby's kind of shaking his head to himself and Kiefer says, "Toby, you're smiling." Toby says, "I just figured out who you were." Kiefer mutters to Zoey and POTUS, "He's gonna say 'Satan.'" Toby: "No, you're the guy who runs into the 7-11 to get Satan a pack of cigarettes." Kiefer doesn't say anything as he ponders that; nobody says anything. Charlie eventually interrupts to let POTUS know it's time to go; Jed says they'll talk about this later. Toby asks, "We will?" Jed confirms this. Toby looks like he can't wait for that discussion. As they exit the restaurant, where there are crowds of people hanging around looking on, POTUS says to Josh, "Men with pools and patios think I'm weak." Josh mutters something about not mentioning the forty-nine times they asked him not to take this meeting. POTUS wants to know if that was Marcus calling Josh; Josh tells Jed that he has sold Marcus on the idea of ten minutes with him tonight. POTUS asks, "No way I can get out of it?" Josh repeats, "Ten minutes." As the President climbs into his limo, he remarks, "I used to like parties, you know that?" Then Gina and Zoey are leaving the restaurant, Zoey's complaining mildly about POTUS blowing her chance to have lunch like a regular person in a restaurant with people. Gina's surveying the crowd carefully when she locks onto a couple of guys from central casting who are a mixture of redneck/racist slackers/Jerry Springer show guests giving Zoey the stink-eye. Gina asks Zoey to "do her a favour" and walk on the other side of her; Zoey's slightly exasperated but does as she's asked. Gina keeps an eye on the scary dudes as she escorts Zoey to her limo and bangs on the roof once Zoey is safely inside.
Finally, it's time for the party at the Marcus mansion; the whole place is beautifully festooned with lamps and strings of lights and flowers. ["It also looks exactly like an English country manor straight out of Jane Austen -- and you can well imagine how tasteful that looks in southern California." -- Wing Chun] Inside, C.J. and Toby are holding drinks and chatting, marveling at the house. Well, C.J.'s marveling, anyway. Toby seems about as impressed with ostentation as you would expect him to be. C.J. mentions that Toby hasn't said anything about her dress, which is a tight red sheath with spaghetti straps, and a gold and red satin stole. She looks pretty tasty; you'd think Toby could be bothered to notice. He tells her she looks very nice; she complains that he's not even looking. He says he's looking at the house. Just then someone comes up and introduces himself as Mark Miller, Head of New Product Development at Paragon. Toby and C.J. introduce themselves; and Mark asks C.J., "I was wondering if my money buys me a few words alone with you?" Toby says, "Throw in a box of chocolates and a pair of nylons...get you a lot more than that." C.J. agrees to speak with Mark and as they walk away, Toby says, "I'll be over at the bar, drinking a lot, if anybody wants me." C.J. assures him, "Nobody will." Aw.
As C.J. walks away with Mark, he explains that he's a big fan of hers, and that he wants her to work in development at his company. C.J. has no idea what this means, and Mark's explanations don't make it much clearer. At first she thinks he wants someone who can write, and refers him to Sam and Toby, but Mark says it's not a writing job. The best he seems to be able to do to explain it is to say, "Shepherding projects -- developing them." He also looks familiar to me but I can't place him. ["He was on Mad TV, and had a recurring role in the early seasons of Third Rock from the Sun, but I don't know his name." -- Wing Chun] He just keeps repeating "development" until eventually C.J. declines by saying, "Well, at the moment I have a pretty good job, and I understand what it is. I, uh, sure appreciate...Sam!" She latches on to Sam, who's drifting by with Donna, and asks Mark to excuse her. She glides away with Sam, ordering him to pretend he's talking to her. "I am talking to you," Sam says, and asks whether Mark offered her a development deal; when she says yes, he says, "Me too! Do you know what it is?" C.J.: "No." Sam. "Me neither."
Sam and C.J. waltz off-screen past Josh and Donna, who are listening to David Hasselhoff expounding upon the issue of freedom of speech. Donna, who's wearing a tight burgundy V-neck dress, interrupts to gush about what a fan she is, and babbles the names of some of Hasselhoff's lesser-known works until Josh excuses them and walks her away to tell her, "You're frightening the guests." Donna thinks David's really into her; Josh points out that he's married. He says, "Stop drinking now," as he takes her glass away from her. She announces that she sees Matt Perry (who never actually appears on-screen) and dumps Josh to make a beeline for Matt. Josh wanders a bit and hears a man's voice calling him. Josh says to himself, "I know that voice," and when he turns around, there's Joey Lucas and her interpreter. She's wearing a fetching sparkly black gown, and wants to know when he was going to say hello to her. Josh makes some weak excuses about how he got her message and was going to call her, but he's been busy and didn't see her until now. Joey saw him, but says she didn't say hello to him before because it looked like he was absorbed in high-level conversations. Josh: "I can assure you, I was not." There's some flirtation back and forth about finally saying hello, and he mentions that he's only there for the day. Toby breezes by and summons Josh for some unknown reason; Josh stumbles over his words to her before finally managing to ask her not to leave the party. She promises she won't. He runs off after Toby.
Back in Washington, Leo and Hoynes are talking as they walk through the sleet under their umbrellas to their cars in front of the White House. Professor Frink comments that he would think there'd by some sort of safer and more sheltered area, such as an actual garage, where such high-level people would get into their cars, but I point out that this makes better TV. Hoynes says he's not looking to make history by being the first Vice-President to break a tie by going the other way. Leo wants to know what he is looking for, and says, "I know it eats at you that there's friction between you and my staff. You think they don't respect you, and they do. They just don't trust you. And frankly, neither does the President. I mean, I know that's blunt. But God, John, I'm the one who convinced him to put you on the ticket. And I'm gonna be the one standing here when you make history, whether you're looking to or not." Hoynes replies, "Leo, one of these days you're going to have to allow for the possibility that my motives might not always be sinister. You and your staff are remarkably smug, and frankly so is the President." Leo looks a little surprised to hear this. I'm kind of glad Hoynes said it, because as much as we all love the staffers and POTUS, come on, they are somewhat smug. You know it's true. Hoynes continues, "And the fact that you think I give a damn that there's some friction between us is certainly proof enough of that." Leo tells him, "John, you will not be able to set foot in the West Wing. You will not be on the ticket in three years." Hoynes says he thinks he was set up. Leo asks if he really thinks the President can just arrange for a fifty-fifty tie in the Senate. Hoynes responds, "I think the President of the United States can do pretty much whatever he wants." Leo tells him he's wrong. Hoynes tells Leo, "I think it's time for you to call him." He snaps his umbrella shut and gets into his limo.
After the commercials, Leo does just that. It's 11:05 PM EST. POTUS says that he's running out of reasons not to fire Hoynes. Leo says, "Well, when you run out of reasons, the last reason can be that you can't fire the Vice-President." Jed replies, "I can ask for his resignation, and don't be a smart-ass." POTUS is in a room with Toby and Josh and Sam; Sam's listening in on an extension. Leo tells the President that he's not going to like the sound of this, but that Hoynes is right and they're wrong about the ethanol tax. Sam interjects that Leo is right. Sam points out that he had to put three senators in a "headlock" to get them to vote the way they wanted them to; he suggests sending them back and losing the vote fifty-three to forty-seven, thereby letting the Vice-President off the hook. POTUS agrees to do that. He tells Leo, "I'm not done with Hoynes, but dump it." Leo starts to say something about that but Jed abruptly tells him that he'll call Hoynes from the plane. He hangs up the phone and mutters, "Craziest damn thing I've ever heard of."
Back at the part, C.J. walks up to Jay Leno, who's being fondly harangued by Veronica Webb for having so many cars. Jay introduces C.J. to Veronica and then C.J. asks to speak to Jay. They wander away and C.J. tells Jay that the President appreciates his laying off Leo McGarry for the past few months. She lets him know that if there's anything she can do for him, she'd be happy to oblige. Jay says, "You know what would be great? If you could get the President to drive his bike into a tree again." C.J. laughs and he adds, "See, that's my bread and butter." C.J. says he's a very funny boy. Somebody comes chasing after C.J. and C.J. decides to split before this woman she obviously doesn't want to talk to can catch up to her. C.J. grabs Sam and tells him to pretend he's talking to her again. C.J. asks where Josh is, and Sam indicates that he's "over there" talking to some woman. "Of course, it's possible they're just pretending to be talking."
Josh is telling Joey about his lunch with a "Democratic pollster" and the advice he gave them about sewing up re-election by leading the charge against flag burning. Joey says, "I heard." Josh asks her how she heard, and she replies, "I hear everything." Josh just looks puzzled, and she finally says, "It was a stupid joke." Hello? Josh? She's deaf, geddit? Man, where is this guy's brain tonight? ["Oh, deborah. Like you don't know exactly where it is." -- Wing Chun] Joey asks, "What, I don't get a sympathy laugh?" Josh chuckles ever so weakly, and mutters about the pollster having "scary numbers." C.J., Sam, and Toby wander up and C.J. says, "Josh, guess what? I think I just made a three-picture deal. Josh: "A three-picture deal to do what?" C.J.: "It doesn't seem to matter." His co-workers introduce themselves to Joey and Kenny. Josh mentions that he was just telling her about Kiefer's numbers. Joey says she's seen the numbers, because they shared the California polling data. Now Toby is very interested. Joey explains that Kiefer asked the wrong questions, and points out that the percentage of people who say they support a flag-burning amendment is roughly the same as the percentage of people who said they favoured sending litterbugs to prison; Kiefer never asked them how much they care. Toby says, "Please, please say that you did." Joey doesn't answer him right away but gives him kind of a flirtatious look and asks, "How good am I looking to you right now?" Toby replies that it depends on the California numbers. She continues: Less than half the people who said they favoured the amendment rated it "fairly important" or "very important"; less than a third of those said the issue would swing their vote. Joey adds, "The only place this war is being fought is in Washington." And possibly Orange County. Toby pauses and says, "You're looking very good to me right now." She replies, "I thought so." He shakes her hand, as does C.J., and they take off with Sam. Josh asks if she has any idea how big she just scored with Sam and Toby. She does. After a pause, she adds, "Still, I think if you want to have the President stand up and say something about flag burning, I think he should say people shouldn't do it. I think he should say it's a form of protest that for a lot of people is terribly troubling." Josh asks, "Your poll says that?" Joey clarifies for Josh, "I said that. And so do a lot of people. Vox populi, vox dei." Josh feebly attempts to translate, possibly wondering why everyone he ends up working with is always forcing him to try to think in Latin: "The voice of the people is the voice of a dog?" Joey corrects him, "The voice of God, Joshua." Josh repeats, "'God'!" She smiles tolerantly at him. I'm thinking, please don't call him Joshua, because the people who do that the most are Mandy and Donna and you don't want to be in that camp. She then mentions that she came to the party with someone. Josh doesn't quite seem to get it at first, but when she repeats herself he seems to clue in. Josh weakly says he should go; as he gets up and starts to walk away, Joey asks if he'll call her sometime, the time he comes out to California. Josh responds, "Absolutely. I will call in advance of my coming." She says with a big smile, "It was really good to see you." Josh says, "You too." She sighs deeply as he walks away. I'm impressed with how unobtrusive Kenny manages to be, and really not impressed with Josh's dopiness around Joey. Pull yourself together, dude. Try to be somewhat cool.
In a gorgeous, high-ceilinged, wood-paneled room, Ted Marcus and POTUS are talking by a roaring fire. I want to live in this house. Thankfully, Marcus is not wearing sunglasses. However, the room is very dark, and Marcus is wearing black clothes, so the tighter the camera on him gets, the more it looks like his head is disembodied and floating in mid-air. Marcus lays out his demand: POTUS must publicly announce that he is going to veto Cameron's bill if it passes. POTUS tells him again that it won't pass, and it won't get voted on. Marcus wants the President to do this as a gesture, a symbol; POTUS assures him that if he makes that demand publicly, he will be Cameron's best friend. Marcus says, "The people in my house want this," and they complain that Bartlet takes their money and runs, without listening. Jed asks for the name of even one person who feels that way, and promises he'll call them and tell them he'd never sign such a bill. Marcus insists on asking him why he will not say that publicly. Jed gets mad: "Because I know what I'm doing, Ted! Because I live in the world of professional politics, and you live in the world of adolescent tantrum! Don't you ever slap Josh Lyman around again. That guy is the White House Deputy Chief of Staff. He's not one of your associate producers." Marcus says, "You're right." Jed retorts, "Don't screw around with me now, Ted, I'm really not in the mood." Ted says, "No, I mean it, you're right." Jed rants, "Right now, right this second, the worst thing that could happen to gay rights in this country is for me to put that thing on the debating table, which is what happens the minute I open my mouth. Do you get that? I'm a human starting gun, Ted. You gotta trust me! I know what I'm doing!" He pronounces "human" like this: "Yooman." We Canadians find that most amusing. Marcus says he does trust Jed, and likes him, too. POTUS looks a little uncertain, and pretty tired. He finally says, "Thank you," and sits down again. Ted asks if he enjoyed himself tonight. POTUS says calmly, "No." Marcus says, "Me neither." They both give brief mirthless laughs, and then Ted adds, "If you don't mind my saying, Mr. President, you look more tired than you did when I saw you a couple of months ago." Jed replies, "Imagine how tired I'm gonna look when you see me a couple of months from now." He mentions that he kept everyone up on the plane on the way there, and that they left at three in the morning. Jed also says he really wants to sleep on the plane on the way back. He drops his head in a very exhausted way, and Marcus says nothing.
In Josh's hotel room, Josh and Donna talk about his crush on Joey and the fact that she was with somebody at the party. Donna doesn't think it matters, or that what Joey told him was even necessarily true. Donna urges him to go see her before they leave; Josh says it's one in the morning and he's not going to knock on her door at that hour. Donna says, "Yes, 'cause you're whisking back to Washington and you had to see her one more time before she left 'cause God knows what fate awaits you once you get there." It will almost certainly include Mandy Hampton bitching you out for something, my friend. ["And you'd think his knowledge of that fact would make him wary of hooking up with another comely politico." -- Wing Chun] Josh asks Donna if she's okay, and she tells him to gather ye rosebuds. Josh refuses again, and Donna starts clucking like a chicken. Josh says he couldn't knock on her door anyway, because he doesn't have her room number. Donna grabs the phone message from Joey and waves it around, saying, "Yes, you do. Phone message, phone message!" in an annoying singsong-y voice. Josh is instantly irritated and says, "First of all, don't do that thing anymore, the 'phone message, phone message.'" He vaguely imitates her singsong-y voice. Josh instructs Donna to tell the others he'll be down in one minute, and makes for the door. He stops short and says, "Wait, how's she gonna know I'm knocking on the door?" Donna says that there's a button outside, and a light flashes. Josh takes off. Donna flops down on the bed.
In a hallway that looks considerably less swanky than the one on the floor Josh is staying on, he hesitates slightly before pushing the button, and then while waiting he pushes it about seven more times. The door opens and guess who's standing there? Professor Frink screams again, because it's Q! I mean Satan's gofer. I mean Al Kiefer. He's in a white terry bathrobe and says, "Josh." Josh is gobsmacked, more so than he's been all night, and eventually collects himself. Al genially asks what he can do for Josh, and Josh mumbles about having the wrong room number and looks again at the phone message, and then at the door. Al says, "I don't think so. You're looking for Joey?" Josh says yeah, still wondering how to gracefully get out of this, when Al says, "She's right here." Josh is stammering about saying a quick goodbye, when Joey comes out of the bathroom in a white terry bathrobe and her hair up in a towel. She just stares at Josh and puts her hand to her mouth in an expression of surprise. As they both kind of stare at each in a slightly stunned fashion, Josh says he wanted to say a quick goodbye, and thanks her for speaking to them tonight." That was helpful." Joey signs something, and Al interprets, "She said goodbye." Thanks, Al. Josh says, "I know." Joey makes more googly eyes at Josh, as he whispers "Goodbye," and zooms off down the hallway. Al closes the door.
Back on Air Force One, almost everybody is catching some shut-eye; except for poor POTUS, of course. He's talking to Hoynes on the skyphone, telling him the problem is taken care of and they can put it to rest. POTUS calls him "Mr. Vice-President." Hoynes thanks him and they're about to hang up, when Jed says, "Wait! John...I want to tell you, a couple of years ago in Iowa, I really admired the way you hung in there on the ethanol tax credit. You went out to Iowa and said the same things you'd been saying in the Senate for eight years even though you knew it wasn't gonna play. My confession is, you and I agree on ethanol, but you were the only one to say it. You stood in there even though you knew you were going to lose Iowa and who knows what after that. Anyway...I just wanted to say...you had a good day today, John." VPOTUS thanks Jed. POTUS says he's going to try to go to sleep now, and they end their call. Jed hangs up the phone and turns out the light. He sighs, and closes his eyes, but soon enough they're open again. He looks out the window, too much on his mind to sleep.