By LTG
We open with some convention theatrics. A couple of news voices are talking in the background about the three-way split among the Democratic contenders, while we see little blips of convention preparation -- the lights going on in the hall, delegates with funny hats going through the metal detectors, memorabilia being laid out for sale by vendors. Shockingly, they show us the logos of some rival news organizations, ending NBC/MSNBC/CNBC's near-monopoly of The West Wing broadcast news business.
The opening montage continues, but now it's intermixed with shots of Leo, Josh, Will, and some other campaign types sitting around a conference table hashing out the schedule. Will and Josh are, needless to say, bickering like little children. One of our themes is introduced when Leo informs everyone that the networks want the balloting to happen in prime time. They figure that the preliminaries -- you know, voting on the rules and the platform, recognizing each delegation -- will be enough to fill up the day until then. Oh, Annabeth is standing over Leo's shoulder, watching the proceedings. Someone should get her a little stool to stand on so she can see. Josh asks what time Jed is speaking on the first night (which is also identified as "tomorrow night," and which is the traditional night for departing presidents), and Leo tells everyone that Jed is not going to speak until a nominee has been selected. Oh, Donna's there too. But she's sitting, which is why I missed her. They start to bicker over the order the candidates will speak before the first ballot. Look! There's Bram, skulking behind a television. Already I can tell I'm going to enjoy this one. Election junkies will be happy to hear that Bingo Bob won twenty-five primaries and/or caucuses, while Santos won all of the big states (California, Texas, Florida, Pennsylvania, and Illinois) except for New York.
Leo's had enough, telling them that they'll flip a coin. Will cannot resist pointing out that there are three candidates, so a coin-flip really won't work. Leo yells, "Draw straws, pick a number out of a hat, I really don't care." Everyone has the good grace to be silently embarrassed by his or her own pettiness. Or maybe they're just wondering where they would find a hat or some straw in this day and age. Or even how you would go about drawing straws, since nobody has done it in the last forty years. Leo tells them all that Annabeth will be running podium operations. He tells them that every speech needs to be given to her four hours in advance so that she can approve them. Will is outraged at the prospect of censorship, but Leo doesn't back down. Will wonders if Annabeth's going to approve the candidate videos, and Leo says she's not, "because there aren't gonna be any." Thank goodness. There's an art form that reached its zenith with its very first creation ("A Man From Hope," 1992) and went straight downhill from there. Annabeth also wants all speeches limited to ten minutes (as if!), because the networks are serious about refusing to give more than two hours of coverage each night. Annabeth is working some seriously hip black rectangular glasses, by the way. Although I can't figure out why they're tinted, since she's in a pretty dark room. Leo asks if they're done, and of course they are not. Will wants to whine about the assignment of staff rooms -- apparently, the Santos room is closer than the Russell room. More bickering. Leo shuts them up and asks where they are on Veep selection. They both immediately go from brash to sheepish, looking down at their papers and saying that they're almost finished with that. Leo wraps up the meeting, telling them that they want a nominee by the end of the first night, and that he won't tolerate any attacks on any of the contenders. He wants to demonstrate that Democrats can lead the country with maturity. And then he tells them that they'll pick the speaking order using "rock, paper, scissors." My eleven-year-old niece Jaime must not have written this episode, because she knows that rock, paper, scissors can't be used to select a winner from a group of three. She's clearly too smart for this show.
Leo, Will, Josh, and the Hoynes guy walk to one end of the room. Leo tells them they'll do rock, paper, scissors on three. This is so unrealistic. Everyone knows you're supposed to say "one, two, three, shoot!" (Although I have a very distinct childhood memory of other kids in central New York saying "eins, zwei, drei, shoot!" Which, I don't know -- none of us were German.) And then they shoot. Josh and Will both go for rock, while the Hoynes guy throws paper. Consider yourselves covered, boys.
Josh, Santos, Helen, and Ned are walking through the bowels of the convention venue. Santos wonders how it came about that Hoynes is speaking last, and Josh has to explain the mechanics of paper covering rock. They walk past banners of what I assume are teams that normally play in this stadium. One is for something called "The Stompers." I'll claim that as a shout-out on Miss Alli's behalf. There's another banner for a team called "Damage." Those names seem unusually violent to me. Of course, I got part of my education at a school where all the teams were named "The Violets," so I suppose pretty much anything outside of the flower family might seem violent by comparison. Santos is wondering why Russell hasn't announced that Bundy is his Veep choice, and Josh thinks they're trying to put more distance between the rumors of Santos rejecting Russell and the announcement of Bundy. I guess Bundy doesn't want to be known as Russell's rebound guy. Josh thinks they'll announce after the first ballot and before the second in an attempt to pick up some Hoynes delegates. Helen doesn't sound too unhappy at the thought -- she'd rather not give a speech in front of twenty-five thousand spectators. Santos points out that it's more like twenty-five million. Way to soothe your wife's nerves. Helen's got some kind of Farrah Fawcett hair going on. She's got wings. She can fly. Right now she looks as though she'd like to strangle Santos. And Ned, who confirms the number.
Suddenly, there's a very loud screeching noise. A giant garage door is going up, and the four of them walk through it and into the convention hall. There are no delegates there yet, but it's bustling with activity as all of the preparations are wrapped up. They stand there, awestruck. Helen takes Santos's hand. They don't show us Josh taking Santos's other hand, but I'm sure it happened. The camera pans around them, and...credits!
C.J.'s office. She's on the phone, getting reamed out by Secretary of Defense Hutchinson while Toby and Kate look on. Charlie comes in and drops a thick Washington Post on the table -- there's a great mockup of an article about time running out for the guys in the International Space Station. (And the photo confirms that astronauts and cosmonaut are all men, so I'll be switching to "spacemen" now.) C.J. hangs up the phone and tells them all that Hutchinson is furious, and that some Senator is coming over to discuss the situation. The timing on these two final episodes is way off, by the way. The last episode seemed to end on the final night of the Republican Convention, which would be a Thursday. That's when Annabeth told Toby that Brock was about to release the story on the military shuttle. Ignoring the fact that there are usually a couple of weeks between conventions, there must at least be a weekend between them. So why is Hutchinson calling on Sunday (or Monday) to express his anger? Did he just not happen to pick up the paper on Friday? If I give the producers the benefit of the doubt, I can assume that the final scene of last week's episode did not actually take place on the same night as the other scenes -- that is, that it was not in fact the final night of the Republican convention. Maybe a couple of weeks went by between Vinick's speech and the leak about the shuttle. But that would have to mean that Leo was getting around to telling Annabeth that she was going to have to quit her job and get rehired for the convention on, say, Saturday night, with the convention opening on Monday. And who do you think is more likely to have messed things up, Leo or John Wells? Oh, and somehow in the time between the prior night's news about the leak and this morning's meeting, C.J. has gotten a perm and some highlights. (Or something like that -- my head is shaved, I'm really not too familiar with those hair terms.) Debbie sticks her head in to tell them that Jed is ready for them.
C.J. and company enter the Office of O. Jed immediately starts screaming about the leak and how it will play into the hands of the Republicans. He's screaming so loud that he's scared the cameraman -- the poor guy's shaking like a leaf. Wow, Kate must have gone to the salon with C.J. -- she's softened the color up a bit, and it's all kind of wavy and bouncy. Jed moves on from domestic to international politics, talking about how many angry phone calls he's gotten from other governments complaining that the U.S. is "weaponizing space." Kate thinks they should just keep denying the truth of the story. Debbie sticks her head in to let Jed know that Senator Weller is there. Jed is certain that he's going to demand the appointment of a special prosecutor. He starts going off on Brock, and C.J. thinks that if they punish him by pulling his White House press pass, it will just make it look as if he stopped being a gay prostitute. Or, I mean, that the White House is being vindictive. Jed reminds her that leaking the information was a crime, and that the Republicans will just love the idea of putting a high-ranking Democrat in prison during the campaign season. Jed tells them that he wants to find the leaker before anyone else does, and he assigns Kate and Toby to take care of it. He tells them that he wants a name on his desk by Friday.
Santos war room. They're strategizing over how to pick up Hoynes delegates on the second ballot while holding on to their own. Josh assigns someone the job of making sure there's a floor whip with each delegation. Which is perhaps something he might have thought about, I don't know, before the convention started? Just a thought. Josh asks Bram for an update on something or other. I really don't care what it was -- it's just an excuse to look at pretty, pretty Bram. Oh, all right -- he's asking about efforts to turn the Georgia delegation away from Hoynes and towards Santos. Apparently, Hoynes is still telling his delegates that if they will stick with him while the convention deadlocks, the party will eventually turn to him as the most seasoned candidate. Josh wants "a pipe of whatever it is [Hoynes] is smoking." Ronna points out that they're getting requests for comment on the shuttle leak, and Josh tells them to say nothing. And then Ned asks the big question: "If Russell announces [Bundy] as his V.P., how do we prevent a stampede to Russell on the second ballot?" Has Josh gotten any smarter since the last episode? Not much -- his answer is that they will respond by getting Hoynes to throw his support to Santos. He thinks that Hoynes will hate the idea of Russell's winning more than he'll hate the idea of Santos's getting the nomination. Bram sums up the strategy as "Santos, you hate him less." Josh tells them that "it ain't over 'til it's over." But he leaves the fat lady out of it.
Josh and Ronna walk up a fire stairway. There's some guy walking down the stairs, trying to talk into his cell phone. He seems confused by his inability to get a signal in the stairwell. I have to think that was an inspired piece of business by an extra. And I can't really tell if the look Josh gives him is Josh thinking he's an idiot for trying to use his phone in the fire stairs, or Bradley Whitford wondering what the hell the extra is doing. Josh tells Ronna that they are looking for any stray Atkins delegates they can pick up on the second ballot. Atkins presumably being a candidate who dropped out early and not an interest group made up of high-protein dieters. Of course, this would have been the perfect opportunity to mention Rafferty, who must have picked up a few delegates in her brief run. But John Wells hates us, so it doesn't happen. Josh thinks the big struggle will be getting Atkins delegates to speak, because they might "be too busy stuffing canapés in their pockets." As they walk out of the stairwell into the sunny lobby of the hall, Ronna starts to ask "Can I quote you while we're trying to get them to vote for us?"
Ronna finishes her sentence in a new shot, of her and Josh walking through the sunny lobby. And now wearing sunglasses. Magic sunglasses that instantly appear on your face at the first sign of bright light. Josh tells her that all of the delegates are just there "to grunt and cheer and stomp their feet at every cheap applause line." Shouldn't they be applauding for the applause lines? I guess calling them "grunt, cheer, and stomp lines" would get a bit unwieldy. Josh points out that the delegates are out of touch even with the people in their own party, tending to be a lot more liberal. The two of them and their magic sunglasses have strolled over to a cart where they're picking up some water and hot dogs. Ronna sums up Josh's theory, which is that the delegates only have one job, which is to pick the nominee, but that they were themselves selected "with no regard for their ability to perform that job." Josh is going on about foam fingers and hats shaped like Hoover Dam. And then he tells her, "We have a hell of a balloon drop planned for an hour." He walks off with his hot dog, telling her that he'll be back in an hour. She reminds him that the convention is about to start, and asks him where he's going. He turns around and says, "To beg an old friend."
And there's Josh, in Hoynes's hotel room. ShakyCam is back. Hoynes is chattering on about Santos's turning down Russell and Russell's apparent decision to name Bundy as his Veep. Josh says barely a word. Hoynes complains about Russell's hubris and miraculously escapes being struck by lightning. Josh asks whether Russell made an offer to Hoynes, and Hoynes asks if Josh is there to make one. Josh tells him that he's not. Hoynes makes the point that he's confident his delegates will stick with him. Josh asks him what he wants, and he turns it right back: "What you got?" Josh tells him that he can prevent Russell from getting the nomination and thereby save the party from ruin. Hoynes wonders if Santos can really beat Vinick, and Josh tells him that he's certain that Russell can't. But Hoynes thinks he can beat Vinick himself. Josh says, quietly, "It's not gonna happen, sir." Hoynes throws out the deadlocked convention line, and Josh cuts him off: "Your political life is over." The cameraman is very interested in that line, as he zooms right on up to Josh's face. Nice pores. Josh tells Hoynes that no matter what his delegates are saying, they will dump him. Josh will not offer him an appointment to the cabinet or an ambassadorship, but he will give him the opportunity to be an adviser to Santos, whereas he's pretty certain that Russell would just freeze Hoynes out. Hoynes asks why Santos sent Josh there with nothing, and Josh tells him that Santos doesn't know Josh is there. Josh leans in toward Hoynes and tells him, "You've had a long and distinguished career, sir. Wouldn't you like to see your name just one more time in the history books without the word 'scandal' after it?" Hoynes does not respond.
Russell suite. Will is on the phone, and Donna is asking where "they" are. Bingo Bob comes out and asks if Bundy's arrived yet. Donna tells him that Will is on the phone with Bundy's chief of staff. Will hangs up and tells Bob that Bundy wants to meet with him. According to his COS, "Governor [Bundy]'s been thinking." Russell spits out, "'Thinking'?!" Yeah, Bob, it's something that some folks like to do from time to time. You might look into it. Russell goes on, "The damn balloting starts in two hours." Poor Will -- he looks at Russell with just the hint of disdain and tells him, "I suspect he knows that, sir." Donna tells Russell that he has forty minutes until he has to leave for his speech. Bob calls Bundy "Hamlet" and tells Will and Donna to bring him in for a meeting.
Santos is sitting on his bed, staring off into space with a slightly frightened look on his face. A news voice is analyzing Bundy's potential appeal as a Veep candidate. They are careful to point out that he appeals to blue-collar voters. Well, duh. He's Al Bundy. Of course he appeals to blue-collar voters. Helen is in the background, finishing getting dressed. Josh enters to ask Santos for his speech (presumably to give to Annabeth). He also tells Santos that he thinks he should take another look at the V.P. list. Helen asks if there's any news on Bundy. Josh tells her that he flew in that afternoon. Helen saw it on CNN -- she makes the unfortunate decision to describe it as looking like "a papal visit." Josh pauses, and then tells them that he went to see Hoynes. Santos asks if Josh offered him anything, and Josh tells him that he did not. He just asked him to throw his support behind Santos. Hoynes didn't say yes and he didn't say no -- apparently, he wants to think about it. Josh, honey? That's a no. Bram enters to tell Santos that it's time to leave for the convention center. The news that Hoynes is thinking about it seems to have cheered Santos up. Josh just stands there, frozen, as everyone else walks out. Santos sticks his head back in the room to see if Josh is coming to the speech. Commercials.
Aerial shot of the convention center, looking very shiny. A fucking subtitle tells us that we're at the Democratic National Convention and that it's 8:47 PM on Day One. It's a good thing they told us -- we might have thought we had switched over to the Green Party convention. Of course, we might have realized our error when there were more than ten people in the room. On the floor of the convention, California is giving 440 votes to Santos. And none to anybody else. Because apparently all primaries in The West Wing universe are winner-take-all. I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again -- John Wells is a hack. Ned is also on the floor. Of the convention, I mean. He's calling Josh to talk about whether California will stick with Santos. Josh tells him to promise that fighter planes will be built in Long Beach if Santos is elected. Ronna gives him a look -- she clearly knows Santos better than he does. Ned also can't believe that Josh is telling him to trade a defense contract for votes. Josh asks Ronna if Hoynes has called. He hasn't, of course. "I'll think about it" almost always means no. Believe me, I know this from experience. On a monitor, Colorado casts its votes for Russell, and Josh screams out, "Get me Connecticut!"
West Wing. You know, that place we sometimes visit. Toby steps out of his office to pick up something off of someone's desk. Everyone is watching the convention. Kate walks up to him. As they enter his office, she asks if he saw Russell's speech. She thought it was pretty good. Toby: "Russell has a few teeth left in his head." Huh? Kate tells Toby that some FBI agents will be arriving in the morning to assist them in the witch hunt. Er, I mean, the investigation into the leak. Toby's surprised to hear that the FBI is getting involved, but Kate points out that there are over one hundred people who had access to the information. She gives him a list of names of White House staffers who had clearance to have it, and tells him that they're going to need phone, fax, email records, and other sundry records. She points out that the leak was a felony: "Someone's gonna end up spending ten years in a federal prison." As she gets up to leave, Kate tells Toby, "Russell, [Bundy]. It's not a bad ticket." I'll tell you what, Kate. We'll leave the bad hair and espionage to you, and you leave the politics to us.
Russell suite. Donna's filling up a plate with canapés as Will watches more votes going to Russell on television. We're up to Massachusetts, and he thinks there may be another thirty minutes until they finish. Donna looks at the door to Russell's bedroom and asks, "What are they doing in there?" Will tells her, "I have no idea. But I sure as hell hope they do it fast." Oh, honey. It's Al Bundy. Of course it's going to be fast.
In the Russell bedroom, Bob and Bundy are sitting in armchairs. Russell points out that he thought everything was worked out, but Bundy tells him that he's "had a number of variables to weigh," and that he's been getting a lot of phone calls: "Suddenly, everyone has an opinion." Bob asks him, "You want to hear my opinion?" Bundy pauses exactly long enough to indicate that he really doesn't before he says, "Of course." Russell thinks that he and Bundy will be able to give Vinick and Sullivan some real competition, but Bundy points out that the polls show Vinick winning easily. Bob thinks the Republican lead will evaporate once their post-convention bounce fades. He suggests that the two of them make the announcement. Bundy tells him, "That's a very attractive offer, Mr. Vice-President. It's very attractive. Why don't we both sleep on it, see where we are in the morning?" Poor Bob. He keeps having these meetings and he keeps getting dumped at them.
Russell and Bundy emerge from the bedroom. Bundy walks right out of the suite, and Will asks what happened. Bob tells him that Bundy wants to sleep on it, and Will is dismayed, pointing out that they'll be on the third or fourth ballot by the morning. Bob shows more brains that I've given him credit for, noting that he's pretty sure Bundy is going to try to get nominated from the floor.
Leo walks into -- a bar? Or something? Anyway, it's at the convention center. He's being followed by a couple of network types who are complaining that it's almost 10:00 on the east coast and that they're going to switch to regular coverage. Apparently, watching the voting is too boring for them. Leo yells at them about their debt to the public. I think the F.C.C. might fine the show for daring to suggest that broadcasters have a responsibility to the public good and not just to the puritans from Focus on the Family. Annabeth walks up and whispers into Leo's ear that hundreds of Bundy placards are being handed out on the floor. Leo asks the network folks if they think they can stay live long enough to see Russell announce that Bundy is his Veep choice. Annabeth cuts him off, telling him that these are "Draft [Bundy]" placards -- Bundy's going to be placed on the second ballot. The network types freak out and run off to break the news. Leo yells after one of them, "You want to cut to Law & Order now, Susan, be my guest." I wonder if John Wells and Dick Wolf spend a lot of time trash-talking each other?
Santos war room. Everyone is screaming and shouting on the phone. Josh is trying to get a call through to the Pennsylvania delegation. Santos and Helen walk in. They want to know what's going on. We hear someone break the shocking news that Bundy is trying to get the nomination. Did John Wells decide that this is the time in the show when the audience nods off and needs to have things repeated over and over again? Someone's working on a whiteboard, keeping track of who has which delegates. Josh screams out, "Where in the name of all that is holy is Pennsylvania?" The cheaper part of me wants to make a geography joke here. But my audience is too good for that, so I won't. Josh runs out of the room, telling everyone that he's "going to find the Pennsylvania chair and nail him to a Santos sign." I'm not sure that's a great strategy to win votes.
On the floor of the convention, Bundy is speaking to some reporters. A bunch of Bingo Bob supporters have converged behind him with their Russell signs, while one poor soul is waving around a "Draft [Bundy]" sign. Bundy is denying any desire to become the savior of the Democratic Party.
Russell war room. More screaming and whiteboard erasing. A bunch of northeastern states are deserting Russell. Will thinks they'll end up with 1141 delegates.
Bundy continues his interview, telling the reporters that he's "as surprised as anybody here." Yes, it comes as a complete shock to him that hundreds of signs bearing his name were made up and distributed at the convention.
In the Russell war room, Bob is paralyzed watching Bundy's interview. Will finally gets his attention long enough to describe the damage Bundy is doing to all three established candidates. Will tells Russell that he has to start working the phone to try to pick up Hoynes delegates.
In the Residence, Jed is watching Bundy's interview. Abbey comes out in a bathrobe and asks what they're doing at the convention. Jed tells her, "Eating their young." Abbey puts on her glasses and wonders when the hell Bundy got into it. Jed tells her it's been a couple of hours, and that it's a free-for-all: "I think Aaron Burr's got twenty votes." Hee. Jed picks up the phone and asks the operator to get Leo for him.
Santos war room. There's a lot of screaming and hollering as Josh, Santos, Ronna, and others work the various delegations. Josh has also apparently started doing some couple's counseling, telling someone named Ann from New Jersey, "You are not going to be left at the altar. You're gonna be wearing satin at the Elvis chapel." I guess in New Jersey that's a sign of deep commitment. (I expect to be fired by Sars for that joke. Enjoy the new recapper!) ["Fortunately, she isn't here. Lay off Saskatchewan and we'll be fine." -- Wing Chun] They continue hollering about various states. The throat lozenge budget for this episode must have been enormous. New York, which was a Russell state, is clearly going to Bundy. Santos thinks he could call Tandy, but Josh has to break the news that Tandy is not running the New York delegation. Instead, the big cheese there is Ernie Gambelli, president of the teachers' union. (Which one, they don't say.) That's clearly a lost cause for Santos, so they start to work on North Carolina.
Russell war room. Scream, holler, threaten, cajole. Will sums things up for Russell, telling him that his campaign has lost over five hundred delegates but picked up over two hundred from Hoynes, while Santos has lost just a couple hundred. In addition to the seven or eight hundred he's taken from the Santos and Russell campaigns, Bundy has picked up some states from Hoynes. Russell is still in the lead, but not by much. Donna gets off the phone and tells the two of them that Leo wants to see them.
Leo has the candidates and their top aides around a table. It's now past 3:00 AM on the east coast, and the second ballot is just as deadlocked as the first. The plan is to recess and resume the balloting the night in prime time. Bundy wants to make sure they'll have a chance to address the convention, since some of them didn't get that chance the first night. Jed is flying out the day, with plans to address the convention on Wednesday, once there's a nominee. Leo begs them to start talking to each other to figure out who that nominee is going to be. He doesn't offer them a carrot -- just a stick, in the form of a threat that Jed will pick sides if they can't get it worked out amongst themselves. As the meeting breaks up, we hear the chair of the convention reading off the vote totals. Santos, Bundy, and Russell each have in the thirteen to fourteen hundred range. And Hoynes has one-hundred-two. Hoynes is left sitting alone at the table, small and broken. Josh, leaning against the door frame, looks at him with either disdain or pity. Commercials.
Morning in the West Wing. Kate and Toby are waiting near the entrance when four FBI agents walk through the doors. Kate tells Toby, "They always come in twos." Kind of like the Sacred Band of Thebes. The reason they always work in pairs is that lying to an agent of the FBI is itself a crime, and this way there are always two witnesses to any lie being told. Kate introduces Toby to the lead agent, and they all walk off together.
In the Oval, Hutchinson is telling Jed that NASA is working as fast as they can to prepare the civilian shuttle, but it will still be over two weeks before they could launch. C.J. enters to join them and to tell them that Kate will be there soon. Hutchinson says that "Air Force Space Command" can launch from Vandenberg (in California) the night. The military vehicle would go to the station and make the necessary repairs themselves, leaving the spacemen in place until NASA can get a shuttle launched to bring them home. C.J. wonders what they would tell the press. Hutchinson thinks they can just tell people that the spacemen were able to make the repairs themselves. C.J. joins me in wondering what happens to the cosmonaut in this scenario. Hutchinson doesn't respond, and then Debbie enters to tell Jed that Marine One is waiting for him. After she leaves, Jed asks Hutchinson when he has to give approval. Hutchinson tells him that if they don't launch the night, they won't be able to arrive in time. Which lends credence to the theory that a couple of weeks have passed since the Republican convention, and that the scene in which Annabeth told Toby about the leak took place some time after all the other events of last week's episode. You know, if you have two weeks pass between scenes in an episode and don't give the audience any other clue as to the passage of time, that might actually be the intelligent time to use a subtitle.
Backstage at the convention center. A fucking subtitle reminds us that it's the 6:35 AM on Day Two of the Democratic National Convention. A worker throws a stack of "Hoynes" signs into a dumpster.
Russell war room. Russell has gone back to the hotel to try to sleep. Will is going over the whiteboard while Donna brings back the coffee she fetched for the two of them. Will is hoarse from all the yelling he did. They discuss some of the states, and Will tells Donna that he thinks Bundy has too much momentum. She suggests that they approach Josh about putting Santos into the Veep spot again, and Will tells her that he thinks it might be better if Russell were Santos's V.P. choice.
Santos war room. Josh has a phone clutched to his chest. Ronna enters and tells Josh that she thought he was going to go back to the hotel for a shower. Which I think is a hint. She also tells him that CNN called -- they're proposing a debate that afternoon among Russell, Santos, and Bundy. Josh doesn't get why they would do that. I have to agree -- the fight here is not over the hearts and minds of Democratic voters. It's over the hearts and minds of a few thousand delegates. Josh calls over to Ned, who is face down on his desk. Josh calls over again, and throws something at him pretty hard, waking him up. Josh tells Ned that they can't win without the teachers, but that if they get the teachers, they can pick up several northeastern states (including New York) and maybe Ohio. Bram, angel of common sense, points out that teachers' unions hate Santos because of his proposal to eliminate teacher tenure. Josh thinks he needs to convince Gambelli (teachers' union president) to support Santos. He looks over at Bram and asks, "Is that a clean shirt?" And then he says, "Gimme." Hee. Josh takes off his shirt, revealing a tank top undershirt. Bram is wearing a t-shirt. Come on, Josh -- surely you need to borrow Bram's undershirt as well. (And I have to say, as hot as Bram is, there are surprisingly few men who look good in a white undershirt, no matter what they look like dressed or undressed. Unfortunately, Bram is not among that lucky few.) Josh tells everyone to start calling all of their delegations again, and to start offering jobs if necessary. In the background, Bram picks up Josh's shirt, sniffs it, and then drops it onto the table.
Gambelli's hotel room. He thinks Josh is joking. He also reminds Josh that 11% of the delegates are from teachers' unions -- the point being, I think, that Santos was a moron for ever taking them on in the first place. Just like Vinick was a moron for taking on the anti-choice movement in the Republican race. Oh, wait. Bad example. Josh tries to tell Gambelli that even if Santos is asking teachers to give up tenure, he is offering them much more in return (including higher salaries and more training for teachers). Gambelli thinks that Santos's opposition to teacher tenure was designed to make him look brave, by showing him as willing to take on an important Democratic constituency. Josh doesn't deny it, but he thinks it's more important for the teachers to be able to work with Santos than to face whatever Vinick would do to them after he wins. But Gambelli won't encourage any teachers to support Santos unless he drops his anti-tenure proposal.
C.J.'s office. She's packing for her flight to California. Toby enters with Jed's convention speech. He wrote something generic enough to cover every possible nominee. C.J. tells him to start writing a couple of speeches for Friday. He asks if she's talking about the space station. She tells him that NASA can't get a shuttle up in time for a rescue. He asks about the military shuttle, but someone who isn't Margaret knocks on the door to tell C.J. that the FBI is ready to meet with her. She throws on a jacket, and Toby asks if she's going to bring a lawyer in with her. She tells him that she doesn't need one. As she's leaving, he asks why she needs a couple of speeches. She tells him, "One if the President decides to save them. One if he doesn't." Every time someone mentions the space station or the leak, either Toby or C.J. gives a portentous look, or we get an ominous camera shot of one of the two of them. All that's missing is the quavering organ chord. So we're clearly supposed to think that one of these two was the leaker. Since I think John Wells is exactly this big a hack, I will eat my hat if someone other than one of them is responsible. I would say which one I think is responsible, but I'm guessing that John Wells hasn't even decided yet, and I would hate to give him ideas.
Santos war room. Bram, wearing a new shirt, stands over a fax machine. Lucky fax machine. Josh enters the room in a daze. He tells Ronna and Ned that Gambelli is not going to budge. They tell him that it's all over the news that Michigan and Indiana switched to Bundy. Ronna wonders if the whole thing might not be over. Bram walks over to Josh with an improbably small piece of paper from the fax machine and tells him that he needs to take a look at it.
Josh is admitted to the Santos suite by a Secret Service agent. Santos is just getting off the phone. He immediately asks Josh if it's true that Josh told Ned to offer federal jobs to New Jersey delegates. Josh doesn't respond. Instead, he asks if Santos has heard the rumors about Bundy's wife. Which ones? That she can't cook, or that she's the source of all misery in his life? Santos is stuck on the federal jobs thing, wondering if Josh has any idea if any of the delegates are even qualified. Josh points out that they didn't break any laws, but Santos thinks that's not good enough. Josh wonders if Santos really thinks that the "young turks" working on the campaign are doing it with no hope that it will get them a job in the White House. And if Santos wins, there had better be a job for Bram. Poolboy would do nicely, I think. Santos asks about Bundy's wife. Josh asks again if he's heard the rumors. Santos has heard rumors about depression, but he thinks they are the kind of thing every successful politician faces. But Josh tells him that it's no longer a rumor -- someone has faxed hospital admission records to the campaign. Josh tells Santos that he doesn't think depression is anything to be ashamed of, but that we have to be concerned about presidents because "they're susceptible to blackmail." Yes, his wife's shameful history of depression would be enough to cause Bundy to turn over nuclear secrets to Iran. Whatever. Santos agrees with me -- he asks Josh if he's "afraid that [Mrs. Bundy]'s gonna sell [state secrets] for some Zoloft at the corner of Sixteenth and D?" Which isn't so much a corner as it is The Ellipse. Which isn't to say that she couldn't score some Zoloft there. Josh thinks it's going to come out in any case, and it would be better for it to happen before Bundy becomes the nominee. Santos tells him that he won't do it. Josh tells him that his other choice is to flip-flop on teacher tenure. Santos doesn't respond, and Josh walks out of the room.
Will and Donna exit an elevator and walk down a hotel corridor. They've also received information about Mrs. Bundy -- in this case, that she's been taking anti-depressants for seven years. Will points out that during the Veep vetting process, Bundy never mentioned this. Donna thinks they can't use the info: "It's clinging to eighteenth-century stereotypes of mental illness. Why not attack her for having consumption?" I think it's more on the order of clinging to early twentieth-century stereotypes of mental illness, but I agree that it sucks. I also think it's something that would have been an issue in the 1970s (Thomas Eagleton) or 1980s (Kitty Dukakis), but that would not raise an eyebrow today. I mean, who doesn't know people who take anti-depressants nowadays? It's the only way all of my friends in D.C. are able to make it through the current administration. But Will rationalizes that the real issue is Bundy's failure to disclose. Which is bullshit. You should only be in trouble for failing to disclose things that are important. A family member's illness does not fit into that category. Donna tries to get Will not to do it, pointing out that Bingo Bob will only do it if Will tells him to. But Will has already sold his soul, so he enters the Russell suite to bring the information to Bob.
A newscaster reports that, after the third ballot (so, presumably, at the end of the second night), the convention is still deadlocked. Bundy is watching, and as the newscaster discusses the impact of the revelation about Mrs. Bundy's depression, the camera moves a bit and we see that Mrs. Bundy is watching with him. (She's not played by Katey Sagal, alas.) After a couple of seconds, she gets up and walks away while a reporter on the floor recites the "it's not the depression, it's the failure to disclose the depression" bullshit.
Backstage at the convention hall. A fucking subtitle tells us that it's 7:28 AM on Day Three. (And yes, it still is the Democratic National Convention). Josh is sitting on the ground, leaning against a concrete pillar, head hunched over. Leo walks up to him and says his name a couple of times, finally saying it loud enough to wake him up. Leo hands him a cup of coffee and asks when he last slept in a bed. Josh is still waking up, and doesn't say anything. Leo grabs a chair to sit on, and tells Josh that the ratings for the second night of the convention are huge -- fifty-two million. Leo looks at Josh and says, "You done good, kid." Josh understands what he's saying -- Jed is going to have to step in and back a nominee. And apparently, it's not going to be Santos. Josh thinks that if there had been just one more primary, they could have had it wrapped up. Josh tells Leo that Santos won't pull out just because Josh tells him to: "He's his own man." Leo: "And here I thought I found the last one." Commercials.
Santos is sitting in the mostly-empty convention hall. Leo sits down in the row behind him, a couple of seats down in the row. Leo asks him if he ever thought he'd get this far, and Santos tells him he really didn't. Leo gently says, "You have to quit, Congressman. We have to unite behind a candidate." If we're going to be behind any of them, I'd rather be behind Santos. The view is better. Santos asks if Leo thinks that either Russell or Bundy will be able to beat Vinick in November. Leo tells him that he really doesn't know, but that he does know that important and powerful people will be grateful to Santos if he backs out now. I do wish someone on this show would come up with a reason why it's Santos that should be backing down instead of somebody else. Santos asks if he'll have a chance to address the convention again. Leo tells him yes, and then gets up and walks away.
Presidential suite. Jed is looking out the window, and he asks if Santos will really step aside. Leo tells him that he thinks he will, but (in response to a question from Abbey) that he has no idea if he'll support Russell or Bundy. C.J. thinks that Vinick will mop the floor with Russell. Jed says that Russell is "famous, but unknown," and that he'll do better when he can separate himself from Jed. C.J. reminds everyone that Bingo Bob was originally shoved down their throats by the Republicans because they thought it would be easy to beat him. Abbey thinks that Bundy is a good candidate, and that the flap over his wife will blow over. C.J. looks at Jed and asks him, "Isn't it time you picked the successor you want, Mr. President?" She goes on to ask him if he should be leaving it up to "someone else," although the closed captioning has her asking if he should be leaving it up to "Matt Santos."
Backstage at the convention. Santos is looking more than a bit stressed. We can hear someone on the podium going through his introduction. Although I would assume by now that folks would know his background, since he was undoubtedly introduced on each of the first two nights. A fucking subtitle tells us that it's 8:35 PM on Day Three. Which convention are we at? Just guess. I'm sure you can figure it out. Josh walks up to Santos and asks if he's sure he doesn't want Josh to look at the speech. Santos tells him that he's fine. Santos tells Josh, "It's been a great ride." Josh asks, "What do you say we try it again sometime?" They are just staring into each other's eyes. If all these people weren't around, they would so totally be making out right now. The introduction is finished, and Santos starts to walk to entrance to the podium. Helen is waiting for him. He takes her hand, looks her in the eye, gives her a little smile, and walks out. The crowd is chanting "Santos, Santos, Santos."
Santos walks out to the podium and the crowd goes nuts. I have to say, for almost this entire episode they have been doing a great job of creating the illusion that there are a ton of people in this hall. Until now. They made the mistake of shooting some of the crowd from the floor, and you can't help but notice all of the completely empty bleachers behind them. Santos thanks them, and eventually they quiet down. He starts the speech by telling them that he had hoped to be there under other circumstances, and that he has been asked, by people he respects, to step aside and endorse another candidate.
Jed and Leo are watching from the hotel. Zoey is there with him. Does she still get paid if she has no lines?
Santos tells the crowd that he can't help decide who the nominee will be, because that job belongs to the delegates. He goes on to defend Bundy's decision not to disclose his wife's minor medical condition, arguing that Bundy did not do it out of shame but because "we're the hypocrites." He goes on to say, "We're all broken, every single one of us, and yet we pretend that we're not. We all live lives of imperfection, and yet we cling to this fantasy that there's a perfect life, and that our leaders should embody it. But if we expect our leaders to live on some higher moral plane than the rest of us, well, we're just asking to be deceived." Plagiarism! The difference, though, is that Vinick sounds like he's lecturing when he speaks, whereas Santos, at least in this speech, has the rhythms of a preacher. I've watched this speech several times while writing this recap, and something in it -- his delivery, the language, the cheering crowd, I don't know -- gets me every time. The speech continues, with Santos decrying efforts to buy delegates' votes, and declaring that party unity is less important than the rights of the delegates to make the decision. And one way they get around shooting the empty hall in this scene is to shoot straight up from the ground at Santos. I would like to find out what kind of nose hair trimmer he uses, because that thing really works. Santos tells the delegates that if they vote for the nominee they believe best represents their ideals, they can each go home after the convention "with [their] head[s] held high and say 'I am a member of the Democratic Party.'" And then the producers make the really unfortunate decision to cut in some stock footage of a convention hall packed full of people with balloons dropping. I think it might have worked without the balloons.
Backstage, Helen turns to Josh and gives him a smile and a look that says, "Look what our boy can do."
In the Presidential suite, Jed asks Leo to find Josh for him. I think that we're supposed to think that he's angry, but come on...there are only a few minutes left in the episode.
Josh exits an elevator and walks down a hotel corridor with Gambelli in tow. Gambelli tells him that it's a waste of time for him to sit down with Santos, since Santos is "virtually anti-teacher." As they get to a door with several Secret Service agents arrayed around it, Josh asks him, "Who said you were sitting down with my guy?" Gambelli notices the agents, and as the door opens, Josh introduces Gambelli to Jed.
On television, we see that Gambelli has returned to the floor of the convention, where he casts New York's 284 votes for Santos. That television is playing behind Leo, who is in a conference room alone going over some papers. Josh enters, and Leo is surprised to see him -- he thought he would be celebrating. I think the celebration will have to wait until he can be alone with Santos. Josh tells him that they still need to line up a V.P. Leo wonders if they asked Bundy. I think he'd be perfect for the job, since it basically involves sitting around on the couch with your hand shoved down your pants. They did actually ask Bundy, but he declined. And Santos was not interested in asking Russell. Leo asks if Josh wants help making a list, but Josh tells him they've narrowed it down to the guy they want. They're just not sure he'll accept. Leo wonders if Jed should call the guy to lean on him. But Josh already spoke with Jed: "He told [Josh] that he'd kick the guy's ass all over the school yard, if it came to that." Leo smiles at hearing that, and asks who it is. Josh tells him, "You," and then he gets up and walks out of the room. Leo does not have another heart attack. We hear the convention chair announce that Santos has won the nomination with 2,751 votes.
Kate walks into Toby's office and asks him if he thinks Santos has a chance against Vinick. Toby thinks not. Kate closes the door behind her and tells Toby that the leak did not come from NASA: "Too many of the technical details were off." Leo wonders why she closed the door to tell him that. She tells him that the FBI is pretty sure that the leak came from the West Wing: "They have a theory. One you're not gonna like."
At the convention, Abbey fusses over Jed's suit and asks him if he's okay. He tells her he is, "really." There is a tear in his eye, however. You can hear a speaker in the background introducing him. Abbey kisses him, with a tear in her own eye, and sends him off to the podium. On the way, he runs into Leo. There's a great shot of the two of them, in profile, facing each other, but in different planes of the shot. After a second of artful standing around, Jed takes the podium. We see Donna watching the speech from the utterly wrecked Russell war room. Jed starts the speech, and the crowd starts chanting "Four more years! Four more years!" I think I hear some other folks chanting, "Eight years, not seven! Eight years, not seven!" But that may just have been my crappy reception. Jed doesn't actually seem to give a speech. Instead, after the chanting fades away, he just introduces "the President and Vice-President of these United States, Matthew Vincente Santos and Leo Thomas McGarry." Back in the Russell war room, we see that Josh is having a beer with Donna and Will as they watch the speech. In the convention hall, the balloons drop. Again.
Cut to Vinick, watching the convention on television. He stands up, turns toward some faceless aides, and says, "Okay. Let's go win this thing."