By Deborah
Just a bit of advice to readers of this recap: if you haven't seen Part I of this pair of episodes, or read the recap, a lot of things in this one aren't going to make any sense. I'm just saying.
Sam and Jed are in the Oval Office, watching the financial news. At closing bell, the Dow had dropped 685 points. It's the seventh-largest percentage drop in history, and the largest point total ever. They look as if someone's died. The news anchor goes on to mention that the largest hedge fund in the U.S. -- Gerhman-Driscoll -- filed for bankruptcy before the opening bell. Jed comments, "Yeah, it's a proud day for Alfred Nobel." Hee. Charlie comes in to get Jed for his photo op. Jed asks Sam when he thinks he should say something. Sam says he should if Japan doesn't step up. As Jed leaves, he asks Charlie to remind him of the name of the person with whom he's having the photo op; it's Muriel Keith.
Jed walks into the Mural Room and shakes hands with Mr. Keith. Jed says he told his granddaughter that he would be meeting Mr. Keith, and asked her what questions she would like him to ask Mr. Keith. She told him to ask Mr. Keith who, of all the Presidents he's met, was his favourite President. Jed confidently assured her that Mr. Keith would say it was Bartlet. Mr Keith -- whose voice puts me vaguely in mind of Mr. Magoo -- says, "No, no...um, Mr. Truman. He was a good man." Jed tries to save face: "Okay, well...I was just kidding. But sure, Truman. If you like that kind of thing." The photographer tells them he'll be ready in a moment. Jed asks Mr. Keith how old he was when he met Hoover. Mr. Keith says he was nine. It was on his birthday: October 23, 1929. Jed thinks about that, and then mentions that the day after Mr. Keith shook hands with Hoover, the Great Depression started. I guess that's one of those dates that no economist -- even one with a memory as bad a Jed's -- can forget. That's not Black Tuesday, by the way: that was October 29, 1929. What I've read is that October 24 is the day people started selling their stocks as fast as humanly possible, and I guess Jed's using this date as the beginning of the Great Depression, although I think it's more common to use the 29th. Mr. Keith is not particularly fazed by this observation. Jed says that the stock market took "a stumble" today: "We'll call it a little bigger than a pre-rally decline. If you watch the news or read a newspaper or really are alive in any way, you're going to hear about it in the couple of hours." Jed rambles that he's not worried, because Tokyo opens at 7:00 PM EST, and Tokyo's going to be his mother's milk tonight: it's in the bag. Has he had even less sleep than Sam?
The photographer's ready, and Jed and Mr. Keith pose, when suddenly Jed has second thoughts and asks for a moment. He excuses himself and calls Charlie over to the window with him. He mutters to Charlie, "How you doing?" Charlie: "Fine, thank you." Jed says there's a lot of science in economics, but like lots of things, a lot depends on the user. "I need the Nikkei Index to do what I need it to do tonight, and I've got Hoover's good luck charm over here. But now, while I'm talking about it, I feel like it's ridiculous that someone like me would consider cancelling a photo op...." Charlie says he can't believe it either. Jed says he's not, and that it's momentary. Charlie repeats that he can't believe he's considering doing it, and he means the photo op: "Tokyo opens in three hours and you're going to drape your arm around the mayor of Shantytown?" Hee. Jed says he didn't realize Charlie was superstitious; Charlie insists that he isn't. But he reminds Jed that there are South American tribes that don't think photography's too good an idea to begin with. Charlie asks POTUS whether he's ever seen any pictures on Charlie's desk. Jed hasn't. Charlie asks if he ever wonders why. Jed: "Charlie, just out of curiosity, in your mind, how much time do I spend thinking about your desk?" Charlie: "Fair point, sir." Jed wonders how long they've been talking about this now; Charlie says it's a couple of minutes. Jed: "Okay, let's not tell anybody that." They break up their little huddle, and Charlie tells Mr. Keith that they're going to have to reschedule the photo op for tomorrow. Mr. Keith says, "Oh...why?" Jed says, "Just scheduling," at the same time as Charlie says, "You're spooking the hell out of the President." Jed beats a semi-dignified retreat as Charlie says he'll explain it.
Sam is sitting on the floor in his office, leaning against a desk doing some work, when C.J. comes in and finds him there, and asks what he's doing on the floor. Sam: "I don't know...I think it was just the closest thing." She offers him a hand up, saying, "Come on...you'll get your pants all schmutzy." As he stands, he asks, "The First Lady's not a lesbian, is she?" C.J.: "I don't know. I can ask her." Sam: "Why were there rolling pins?" C.J.: "Brenda Swetlin: 'At this moment, you're not licensed to practice medicine. Is that correct?' A. Bartlet: 'At this moment, I'm just a wife and mother.'" Sam: "I don't see it." C.J.: "Well, you gotta want it." Sam: "Oh...I see it." He wonders what they're doing about it. She says she wanted her office to issue a statement saying, "You're annoying, shut up," but Bruno told her to wave at it and she thinks he's right. She moves along to asking Sam to be Anthony's Big Brother. She tells him Charlie said no. She says it's an hour a week. They expect to turn this kid around with an hour a week? That's optimistic. Sam says, "You asked Charlie first?" She kind of realizes the folly of trying to find someone amongst her colleagues with the time to do this. Sam says he might have time for it. He hollers for Ginger as C.J. points out, "You just worked forty-eight hours straight." Sam knows. She adds: "And that was the weekend." Sam wonders if maybe Anthony would enjoy sitting and watching him work. Yeah, that sounds like a blast. That would definitely compare with jacking cars. Sam says, "I could narrate what I was doing for him. 'Right now, I'm reading background intelligence on Central America as it relates -- believe it or not -- to textile imports.' Ooh! Intelligence...007! See, and right away I've got him going with 007." C.J.: "I'm sitting here listening; already, I've turned to a life of crime." Sam says with mild regret, "You know I'd do it if I could." C.J.: "I do know that, SchmutzyPants." Ha! SchmutzyPants! I immediately and gleefully change the name of Sam's thread. Sam: "That's gonna be around for a while, right?" Oh, you betcha. Until something more amusing comes along. As C.J. leaves, she asks how it's going in there. Sam says it's fine, and that it hasn't really started yet. He tells her that Bryce is pushing POTUS away from unilateral standards, but that the rest of the meetings aren't for another twenty minutes. Ginger shows up and tells Sam that Josh is on the phone. She and C.J. both take off.
Sam picks up the line, and Josh asks him how it's going. Sam says it's going fine so far. Josh says it's only been Bryce at this point. We see Josh zipping along in the back of Tyler's Jeep, with Donna. Sam tells Josh about trying to take the rap for Commerce not having enough input on the stump speech, but that POTUS kind of ran him over. Josh explains that Jed doesn't like it to appear as if his staff is covering for him. Sam: "It genuinely wasn't his fault." Josh: "Nothing's not his fault in the Oval Office." Sam's got it. Josh asks if there's anything else before they get on the train. Sam asks to speak with Toby. Toby takes the phone and says, "Was Bryce pissed?" Sam says he was. He tells Toby that Charlie told him that with regard to the secretarial candidates, for the last few weeks Jed's been asking questions about remembering names and numbers. Sam wonders if he's worrying about short-term memory loss, as one of the effects of his MS. Toby asks if there's anything else. Sam: "Come home." Toby says they're on the way. He hands the phone back to Donna.
Josh starts in: "'Don't worry, we'll have Jews for the money stuff.' You have an inadvertent habit of putting down my Judaism by implying that you have a sharper anti-Semitism meter than I do." Whoa! Toby replies, "You know, the ancient Hebrews had a word for Jews from Westport: they pronounced it 'Presbyterian.'" Yeeowch! Josh adds: "And by saying things like that." Toby: "I'm just saying, I'm from Brighton Beach." Josh: "Well, Mohammed al Mohammed el Mohammed bin Bizir doesn't make the distinction when he suits up in the morning." Oh good, we're back to this? Toby remarks, "Well, as long as you have a good grasp of the complexity of that situation." Yeah, I'll say. Donna: "What the hell are the two of you talking about?" Toby: "I assure you neither one of us knows." Yeah. Well, that was quite a tart little exchange. I hope Sorkin continues to explore this between Toby and Josh. It seems like one of those little things that would build up over the years of working together, and which friends and coworkers can often skirt successfully for long periods of time, but which eventually bursts like an infected sore. I quite like probing things like that. Er, dramatically speaking. I get the impression, too, that perhaps the writer himself has been on the receiving end of attitudes like Toby's.
The Jeep finally arrives at the train station. I'll bet Tyler can't wait to offload these three and get back to harassing his ex-girlfriend. The conductor's yelling "All aboard" as they arrive. Josh throws his arm around Tyler as they walk toward the train, and says, "Tyler, assure me there's going to be no trouble." Tyler says as much. Josh: "The train runs on regular train fuel." Tyler thinks so. "You guys don't have your very own International Date Line in Bloomington or anything?" Tyler says they don't. Josh says, "In that case, on behalf of Bartlet for America and the Democratic Party, I want to thank you for your help, and tell you that you're a good guy, and good luck to you." Donna boards the train and says she's going to find seats. As Josh and Toby are about to get on, Tyler says, "Mr. Lyman? Mr. Ziegler?" Josh says, "Call me Josh." He gives Toby a meaningful look and Toby says, "Toby. I work at the White House." Tyler: "Yeah, can I tell you something? People are going to think you're a lot cooler if you don't say that yourself, but rather let them find out on their own." Josh boards the train and Toby tells Tyler, "Okay." So that's it? Tyler didn't have anything he wanted to say to them? Aw, it was just a big setup. Josh asks Tyler, "The engineer knows the route?" Tyler replies, "Josh, Toby, on my girlfriend's life, your troubles end ninety-eight miles right down that track." He points to his left as the train chugs in the other direction. Josh puts his hand to his head. Yes, they're going the wrong way. Can you believe it? Also: "On my girlfriend's life"? Well, that's not too creepy now, is it? Ick.
Nancy comes into the Situation Room, where Leo and Fitz are talking. It's a first, people: Nancy and Fitz in the same room at the same time! At least I think so. This is my fourth year on this show, and things are starting to blur at times. Not to mention that this is my fourth recap in five days and frankly, if everyone starting speaking Finnish, I think I'd hardly notice. I'd just make something up. Anyway, Nancy greets them, "Leo. Yeoman Fitzwallace." Fitz replies, "Dr. McNally." She declares, "Let's attack." Leo: "Who?" Nancy: "Those blasted Australians. I've had all I can take of their damn dingoes and..." No, no. She wants to attack Qumar. She wants to recommend to POTUS that they attack. Leo: "Why?" Nancy: "Because I've had it!" Fitz: "I don't think the UN's gonna let us do it for that reason." Nancy: "That's 'cause you're a sissy!" Well, these two must be the best of friends to talk to each other like that. Or maybe she can just get away with it because she outranks him. Does she outrank him, or the other way around? I think she does. Nancy rants, "You want peace in the Middle East? Give me a pair of third-generation ICBMs and a compass. You got B-2 Spirit stealth bombers over Qumar right now, as if the Qumari Air Defense System requires stealth capability. Just fly in at night, and while you're at it, could you order the USS Louisiana to fire off a D-5 Trident just to see if it works? What's the worst that could happen?" Fitz to Leo: "Is she talking to me?" Nancy shouts: "Yes!" Fitz: "Well, 98% of all living organisms within a seven-mile radius would die instantly in a torrent of fire." Nancy taunts him: "Admiral Sissy-Mary..." Oh, just kiss already (tm Shack). She sits down. "We're running out of options on the menu." Leo: "What's happened?" She explains that there's intelligence that Qumar has a tape of a cell phone call that Shareef made from the plane. Fitz insists that there isn't; they disabled the phones, monitored communication from the plane, bugged Shareef, and replaced his cell phone battery with a fake. Fitz: "There is no tape. There was no phone call." Leo: "Why are they saying there is? It's to provoke a response, right?" Nancy: "Yeah." Leo: "And they're using the Act V scene from Hamlet? Are these Batman villains?" Nancy states, "They're building a case for sure, but I think we gotta start talking about, there's something worse than Qumar saying it was us." Leo looks at Fitz, who says, "She's right." Leo: "What?" Fitz: "Qumar saying it was someone else." They all look grave.
After the commercial, we get the black screen with the diary of POTUS's activities: 4:45 - President met with Sen. Shuler, Sen. Choate. 4:50 - President met with Ch. Lacey. 5:20 - President met with Deborah Fiderer. We hear Jed saying, "You can't say 'faith-based initiatives' to me. You have to be more specific than that. You can't offer a guy a hot meal, but first you have to accept God into your heart; it's against the law. It's also a little obnoxious." More than a little, I'd say. Is that really what they're proposing? We see someone going into the Oval Office, where a bunch of people are standing up having a meeting with Jed. The senator asks, "If a church runs a soup kitchen, are they serving Christian soup?" I don't know. That probably depends on whether there are enough Christians in it to meet FDA standards. Jed says that the soup is non-denominational, but he's not talking about the soup; he's talking about the programs. Jed says another problem is that the government can't subsidize organizations that discriminate in hiring practices, which religious organizations are permitted to do. The other senator says that, in her state, the only ones having any success in keeping kids in school and off drugs are the churches...and the synagogues, and the mosques. Interesting. She says that they have terrific programs, and that until they find something better, she wants Jed to let her fund those. Jed says, "We're gonna talk about it around here, but I wouldn't..." She gets the message. They all leave.
Sam asks how the interviews are going. Jed says that he met two women on the plane this morning, and is interviewing others shortly. Sam asks whether either of the ones from this morning are possibilities. They are not. Sam wants to know why. Jed says that the first one wasn't easily impressed. She told him so herself. The second one wasn't funny. I didn't think the first one had "funny" going for her either, frankly. Jed explains that, actually, the second one didn't think he was funny. Sam: "You told a joke?" Jed says that she had been the secretary to an Ambassador to France. "I told her I'd had dinner with D'Astier at the Elysée Palace. She gently corrected me at that point calling it the Palais de L'Elysée -- for that alone, I wanted to send for a parachute." Isn't "D'Astier" the name of the French dude in The American President? ["Yes." -- Wing Chun] Jed goes on to tell Sam that he made a cheese-related joke to D'Astier, who was visibly insulted and told Jed that he was reconsidering his diplomatic status. The secretarial candidate asked, "Well, did he?" Jed felt this didn't bode well for him. Sam wonders who he's interviewing this afternoon. Jed makes a dismissive sound and gesture and mutters, "...crazy woman Charlie knows." He asks if they have a GPS readout on Josh and Toby. Sam says he talked to them recently, and that they're on their way. Jed: "Three hundred IQ points between them, they can't find their way home. I swear to God, if Donna wasn't there, they'd have to buy a house." Bwah! There's a HoYay! topic not yet explored on the forums. I'll no doubt be sorry for bringing it up. Jed sighs and sits down. Sam pours himself some tea. But naturally, Jed hasn't let go of the interviewing issues: "'You've got to be able to keep a lot of names and numbers in your head. Can you do that?' 'Oh, I should think so.' 'Oh, should you? Okay, well, I'm going to interview a few more people, and in the meantime, you can get your ass back on the cover of The New Yorker where it belongs.'" Sam asks, "Was that Unimpressed One, or Humourless?" Jed says it was the third one, adding, "Charlie says I don't want anyone to replace her." Sam asks if that's true. Jed says he doesn't know: "I'm a puzzle." Sam: "Yes, sir." Jed, looking at the paper: "This Seth Weinberger thing makes me crazy."
More country guitar music. The increasingly hapless DC Three are on the train going the wrong way. Donna's got a plan to get them home: they'll switch trains in Bedford, which will get them going in the right direction: "We're not going to make the 6:15. That was a pipe dream. That was folly." She says there's a 9:30 flight leaving Indianapolis with a forty-five minute layover in Chicago. She says the ticket agent warned that the flight could be delayed because of weather. Josh wonders what the chances are of that happening. Donna reminds him that the guy in the diner said there could be weather. Josh snaps, "No! No. Quaint is quaint, but we're not Navajo Indian guides." Yeah, that's actually all too obvious. You'd probably be where you're supposed to be if you were. I'm just saying. He continues, "And if we want weather information, we'll call the White House Operations Center." Donna says they can't do that right now because her cell phone battery's dead. Why neither Toby nor Josh has a cell phone is a mystery. Josh whines, "I need information, I need to know what's happening in the world. I have no idea what's happening in the world!" Yeah, because you can pretty much only get that information from CNN. Donna says she bought Josh the paper. Josh says he read it: "Preparations are under way for the fair. I'm briefed! Organizers say it's going to be the best one yet! What else you got?" Toby, sitting across from Josh, says, "'Frivolous law firms.'" Josh doesn't know what Toby's talking about. Toby says, "He meant to say, 'frivolous lawsuits,' and he said 'frivolous law firms.'" I guess we're talking about Writchie again. Or still. Josh asks: "Who?" Toby: "Benjamin Disraeli." Josh: "He misspeaks." Toby: "Yes, he does. He also thinks Sarajevo and Bosnia are two different countries so that's a bit of a setback for the region." Josh agrees. Donna, on the opposite side of the aisle, moves over to the window seat to stare at the scenery and try to tune these two out.
Toby continues, looking at a scrap of paper upon which I'm guessing he's been taking notes about Writchie's numerous verbal and political gaffes. From the sound of that guy, I'd think Toby would need a whole notebook. "'Chamberlain led England in World War II.' I don't mind that he doesn't know history, I mind that he hasn't seen a movie." Really? I'd have more of a problem with the former, myself. Toby: "'Mexico is part of NATO.'" Josh: "He meant they were an ally." Toby puts his gum in the piece of paper and asks, "What, did they lob a chalupa at the Warsaw Pact?" Josh: "I agree, it's not impressive, but as you pointed out, he's going to be surrounded by..." Toby interrupts: "Do you think he's ever disagreed with one of his advisors? Do you think -- honestly -- do you think he's ever said to one of his advisors, 'I've got a different idea'? I don't care if he thinks Luxembourg's an uptown stop on the IRT and I don't care about the Greco-Roman wrestling matches with the language -- not that polished communication skills are an important part of this job; what I care about is when he was asked if he'd continue the current U.S. policy in China, and he said, 'First off, I'm gonna send them a message: meet an American leader.' I don't know what that means, but everybody cheered." Josh replies, "Which is one of the reasons I work full-time for his opponent. I don't know what gave you the impression that I had to be convinced, but I want to win. You want to beat him, and that's a problem for me, because I want to win." Toby looks slightly uncomfortable. Donna, staring out the window, asks weakly, "Can I get approval of my travel plan?" Josh says, "Yeah." Toby, waving a now ragged piece of paper: "'A rising tide sinks all boats.'"
Debbie Fiderer is sitting to Charlie's desk, looking nervous. She asks Charlie if it's all right to ask how POTUS has managed without a secretary for a year. Over sixteen months, by my count. Charlie says POTUS has five secretaries: four of them funnel their work through the executive secretary. She seems surprised to hear it. She was in Personnel at the White House before, wasn't she? Wouldn't she know this? Seriously. Charlie explains that Jed has two research secretaries, a social secretary, and a scheduler. Maybe that's Nancy's job. The scheduler has an assistant, whose job it is to keep the book -- the daily diary which is a minute-by-minute accounting of what POTUS did that day. Debbie asks, "What about private stuff?" Charlie says they have euphemisms. Charlie says every once in a while there might be a gap in the schedule or a cancellation, and POTUS and FLOTUS might slip over to the...you know. Debbie: "For a...matinée?" Charlie says they list it as "barbecuing." I believe I did not need to know that.
In the Oval Office, somebody named Bill is trying to give POTUS reassuring information about the Dow: "This isn't a crisis. It's investors getting back to common sense." Jed, pouring himself some tea: "Well, it's an election year, Bill. We'd rather people didn't exercise common sense. But I agree with what you're saying." Bill thanks him and leaves as Charlie comes in and says, "Sir...Deborah Fiderer." Jed, wearily: "Really?" Charlie says yes. He sends her in; she says, "Mr. President." Sam sees her and is somewhat surprised: "Debbie." Jed asks if they know each other. She's left standing there as Sam says, "Debbie worked for Donald McKittridge." Sam walks over to Jed's desk, faces Jed (so his back's to Debbie), and says, "She's...very interesting. Her résumé's impressive: I remember thinking she was efficient and creative. She's the one who found Charlie. I remember people talked about her a lot. They found her pretty strange. But I remember thinking that I didn't find her that strange." Debbie says, "You know I can hear you, right?" I have trouble believing Sam would be quite so inconsiderate as to talk about someone this way, especially in the third person, right in front of them. I think it's out of character for him. As Sam leaves the room and walks past Debbie, he whispers to her, "I'm in your corner."
Debbie looks uncomfortable, clears her throat, and approaches Jed's desk. He says, "You're the alpaca farmer." She replies, "It was something I tried for a while." He gestures for her to sit. She does. Jed: "You hired Charlie, huh?" She states that she worked in the Office of Presidential Personnel and that Charlie had come into the wrong office, having been called in for a job as a messenger. Jed didn't know that. Debbie says they started talking, and it didn't take long to see he was a "special kid," so she sent him to Josh Lyman. Jed: "Well, thanks for that." Debbie: "Yes, sir." She seems to be gathering her poise and confidence and relaxing a little now. Jed asks who was in second place; he wants to know who he almost got. He says he likes to think about the road not taken. She says he's testing her memory. She thinks and says, "It was a young man named David Dweck." Jed: "David Dweck?" She says, "I used to call him 'David Dweck Wanna a Dwink of Wawa.'" Bet he couldn't get enough of that. She adds, "'Til I realized that wasn't really funny." Larry knocks and sticks his head in to bring Jed some financial updates he wanted: "Hong Kong's down 4% but it's still over 10,000. It's too early to tell anything. The Nikkei's down 2%, the dollar's down .3% against the yen, .4% against the Euro. Frankfurt opens in eight hours." Jed thanks him and he leaves.
Turning back to Debbie, Jed asks, "Why were you fired?" She says there was no particular reason. Jed thinks that doesn't sound quite right. Debbie: "No?" Jed asks again. She asks, "Is it relevant?" Jed: "Only because you're asking for a job." She says, "Chronic lateness." Jed doesn't believe her. She says it's true. Jed says it's not. Debbie: "You calling me a liar to me face?" Jed says yes. She says okay. Charlie told Jed it was because of Charlie. She says that Charlie makes things up. Jed says he doesn't. Debbie: "He's a bad seed! I knew it the moment I saw him." Jed's getting tired of this and says that he's now ordering her to tell him. Actually, she's neither an employee of the federal government nor a member of the military, so can he really order her to do anything? I'm sure he's used to throwing his weight around nonetheless. Debbie replies, "Well, I'm afraid we're at a classic impasse, Mr. President." Jed says she was strange the first time he met her, and she's strange now. She says there was a good reason she was strange the first time they met: she was high. Hey, good strategy to remind him of that. I think I might set up a business training applicants to the White House in what not to say during interviews. She says: "This time, it's just me." He asks again why she was fired. She refuses to answer. He says he'll figure it out anyway: "What I lack in memory, I more than make up for with exceptional powers of deductive reasoning." Debbie: "That come with tights and a cape?" Jed: "All right, I think the interview's over." They rise and shake hands. She says, "But let's do this every once in a while." He thanks her and she leaves. Charlie opens the door for Debbie just as she gets near it. How does he do that? He's always opening the door at just the right moment. Is he psychic? Does he listen at the door with a glass? Does Jed secretly press a little button on his desk that alerts Charlie? Maybe Charlie has a closed-circuit camera for Jed's office. That must be it.
As Debbie walks out of the Oval Office, and Charlie closes the door behind them, there's a man standing there talking to some other woman. Sam's standing there in the background, too. McKittridge says, "Debbie?" She says, "Mr. McKittridge?" He wants to know what she's doing there. She stutters that she was interviewing. McKittridge glares at Charlie, asking, "Charlie, how many times do we have to..." Charlie says, "I know, but I brought her in." Debbie says it doesn't matter because she's not getting the job. McKittridge snaps at her, "It does matter. There's a way that it works." Just then, Jed comes out of his office, hollering, "Brian Dweck, CFO of Colfax and contributor to Representative Mark McKittridge, whose brother is the Director of the White House Office of Presidential Personnel, wants a job for his son, David -- 'Wants a Dwink of Wawa.' My powers of deduction are not to be mocked." Way to go, Encyclopedia Brown. You've solved the Case of the Incredibly Atypical Nepotistic Government Hiring Situation. Can you get on the mystery of How Charlie Knows When To Open The Door ? And after that: Why Toby And Josh Have No Cell Phones? McKittridge commences the ass-covering, saying, "Mr. President, whatever she told you, I assure you..." Jed barks that she didn't tell him anything. He ordered her to and...he turns to Charlie and says, "By the way, my powers of ordering are a joke. I can create an agency but I can't get her to..." So long as you know it. He tells McKittridge: "She didn't give you up." He goes back into his office. Sam follows him in. Man, the lighting in this scene just gets more and more orangey. It's as if it's completely lit by candles. Sam closes the door. Jed stands behind his desk with his hands in his pockets. Sam asks, "Was she funny?" Jed thinks, looks up and says, "Have the agents stop her at the door for a second." He runs out. Sam picks up the phone.
Jed rushes down the hall -- even jogs a little past the bullpen -- Secret Service guys and Charlie accreting to him as he goes. Eagle is moving. He catches up with her at security and says, "Debbie." She replies, "Yes, sir?" He asks, "Where's the dollar?" Debbie: "I'm sorry, sir?" He asks, "What's the dollar doing right now?" She replies, "Oh, it's down, .3% against the yen, .4% against the Euro." He studies her face. She glances at Charlie. Jed looks at Charlie, and makes a gentle sweeping gesture toward her with his index finger. He walks away without a word. Yeah, you could see that one coming a mile away but I still kind of liked it. Charlie and Debbie exchange glances. By the door, Nancy tells Jed that FLOTUS is back. He chuckles and says, "Bring her on." Time for commercials.
Black screen. 8:25 - President attended DNC fundraiser at Capital Hilton. 8:33 - Called-p-Sec. Berryhill, Sec. Hutchinson. Jed runs into a waiter outside the First Bedroom taking away a cart and asks him if FLOTUS is inside. The guy says she is. Jed says, "Suppertime!" He opens the door and says, "Medea? You home?" She's in the bathroom. He quotes, "'Political experts seem surprised by the Bartlet campaign's decision to position their candidate against motherhood, said one spokesperson.'" Abby meets him at the door in a robe, hair a mess, and contrite as hell. She says how sorry she is, and wonders if she can talk to the staff. Jed's completely thrown: it's not the reaction he expected. He was all ready for some feisty sparring. She goes on about how she screwed up. He says it was totally benign: "These women are out of their minds! We're laughing about it here." Abby says sadly that nobody's laughing. He tells her to turn on C.J.'s press briefing. They're booking her into Caesar's. Abby asks, "You don't think it's going to be a problem?" He says warmly that it's not. She replies, "Then get off my back, jackass." Jed: "Ah, you pulled the switcheroo." She walks over to a chest of drawers that's almost taller than she is -- and okay, she's short, but seriously, the top drawer is at eye level -- pulls out some stockings, and complains, "You are so heartbreakingly easy at the end of the day!" Jed: "You deceived me." Abby: "You called me 'Medea.'" Jed says she played on his love for her. Abby: "Oh, who gives a damn?" Jed walks in to the bathroom, removing his jacket, and says, "I hired someone today." She's surprised and asks who it is. He tells her Debbie Fiderer's name and that she used to work at the White House. Abby doesn't remember her. Jed says her name used to be DiLaGuardia. Abby knows who she is now: "She's great." Jed comes out of the washroom, asking, "She doesn't scare you a little?" Abby: "She scares you?" Jed, unconvincingly: "No." He says he's getting dressed for "the thing." Abby calls out, "I'm going to make fun of you while you do, okay?" He says yeah. Abby turns on the TV and watches C.J. at the press briefing.
C.J. says, "The First Lady loves two out of the three of her children, but she doesn't like to tell them which two." A reporter named Arthur is told that POTUS is more likely to be on the podium at 8:30 than the scheduled 8:15. He will speak for fifteen minutes. Knowing Jed, that'll more likely be half an hour. A reporter asks for commentary on the CBO deficit numbers. C.J. says there's going to be a deficit, but that the CBO numbers are off. Katie asks about legislative appropriations. C.J. says Jed can't say until he sees the bill. She calls a full lid and says she'll see them over there (meaning the DNC fundraiser, I presume).
As everyone leaves, Carol gives C.J. a news report; and C.J. calls out to the reporters to hang on for a second. She comes back to her podium as the reporters sit back down, and announces: "Okay, today at 5:32 PM Central Savings Time, two pipe bombs were set off inside the Geiger Indoor Arena, which is the swimming team's facility at Kennison State University, the Kennison Hawkeyes. The women's team was hosting a match...a meet, with Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota. They're all Big Ten schools...forty-four people are dead...looks like about a hundred injured, about twenty critically." All the reporters start calling C.J. name at once. Okay, before we go on, there have been a number of objections raised about this in the forums, and I'm going to try to deal with them as adroitly as possible. First of all: "Central Savings Time?" Isn't it just Central Daylight Time? And anytime there's a reference to Daylight Saving, it's singular, not plural. No "Savings." Second: Apparently swim meets are not held in September. It's a winter sport, or so I'm told by people who know more about it than I do, and meets are held starting in October and November. Third, and most importantly, it just doesn't seem that plausible that C.J. would be the first source of this news for these reporters, or really, a source of non-government news at all. That's not her function. It hasn't anything directly to do with Washington or the Bartlet administration. Certainly they might be called upon to react to such a thing, but to report it doesn't ring true at all, and even as a plot device feels false and awkward and forced. And it isn't the first time it's happened on the show, either. Yes, because the incident could be related to terrorism, the White House might be saying something about it, but I can't imagine that she'd just stand there live on TV and feed the news secondhand to the reporters. I would think they'd want to get off the air as soon as possible, gather information, and prepare an official response. It's too easy to say careless or difficult-to-retract things in the heat of the moment. Let CNN run off at the mouth. All that said, though, wouldn't C.J. be a great news anchor? She's got an earpiece in her ear on which she's listening to these reports and says she'll have to listen as she's taking questions.
Leo comes back to his office, Margaret hot on his heels. "I didn't say I wasn't going. I said I could live without it." She says it sounded like he wasn't going. He says he just forgot about it. She asks if he had other plans. Leo: "As a matter of fact, I did. I was planning a quiet night..." Margaret: "Watching your cooking show." Iron Chef? Leo: "It's not just a cooking show, all right? It's very relaxing. That woman is sublime." Martha Stewart? Julia Child? No, silly. He must be talking about Nigella. Margaret: "If you ask me, it's soft porn. No one needs to massage garlic oil into a leg of lamb that much." Okay, it's definitely Nigella. How great a guest star would she be? Margaret continues, "On top of which..." Leo interrupts her, having noticed something on the TV in the background, which is playing without sound. He wonders why C.J.'s still briefing the press. He turns up the volume and hears her talking about pipe bombs. She seems to be relaying information from campus police and Cedar Rapids emergency services. Leo tells Margaret to find out what happened. She takes off. Strains of Tori Amos's mellow cover of "I Don't Like Mondays" play as the camera zooms in and becomes unfocused on C.J.'s image on the screen.
It's raining, of course. It usually rains when heavy stuff happens on this show. Tori's still singing (or warbling, if you don't like her -- but I do). The DC Three make their sodden way into a Comfort Inn. Donna complains as they enter that she doesn't understand the two of them. Josh says they had to get out: "He can't read in a moving car." Donna says, "You can't read in a moving car! He can -- he was reading to us." No, I don't know what the hell they're talking about. Josh says, "I need it to come in through my eyes." Donna: "You couldn't wait three blocks." Josh says to Toby, "685 points?" Donna puts her bag up on the counter. Toby asks if it said how much the percentage drop was. Josh says it did, but by the time he got there, his newspaper no longer had the molecular structure of a newspaper. The clerk asks Donna if he can help her, and she says they need a room. He asks, looking at the three of them, "Is that two rooms?" She says, unaware of the way it looks, "No, just the one...for what did we decide, half an hour?" Josh suddenly gets that it doesn't look too good and explains that their flight was delayed and they just want to dry off and watch the news. Toby is drawn to a TV as the clerk looks for a room for them. Josh starts to yap about the Nikkei again and notices that Toby's wandered off. He walks over and stares at the screen too, and Donna follows. The three of them stand there dripping, illuminated in flashes by the lightning through the glass roof above them, and stare up at the report of the pipe bombing. They don't speak. Tori does: "Tell me why/ I don't Mondays/ I wanna shoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-oot..."
At the DNC fundraiser, which is held in an absolutely spectacular hotel banquet hall, Jed delivers his speech as Tori continues singing: "...securing peace in a time of global conflict, sustaining hope in this winter of anxiety and fear. More than any time in recent history, America's destiny is not of our own choosing. We did not seek, nor did we provoke, an assault on our freedom and our way of life. We did not expect, nor did we invite, a confrontation with evil." Shot of Abby in a nice dress with her hair up, sitting near Leo. "Yet the true measure of a people's strength is how they rise to master that moment when it does arrive. Forty-four people were killed a couple of hours ago at Kennison State University." Shot of Sam and Bruno in tuxes standing near the back, listening. Then a shot of C.J. in a gorgeous white gown, standing near Charlie, both looking sad. "Three swimmers from the men's team were killed and two others are in critical condition, when, after having heard the explosion from their practice facility, they ran into the fire to help get people out. Ran into the fire. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight. They're our students and our teachers and our parents and our friends. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels but every time we think we've measured our capacity to meet a challenge we look up and we're reminded that that capacity may well be limitless. This is a time for American heroes. We will do what is hard. We will achieve what is great. This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars. God bless their memory, God bless you and God bless the United States of America." Standing ovation. Well, plenty of drivel in there. The speeches on this show have not gotten better with time. Bruno asks Sam, "When did you write that last part?" Sam: "In the car." Bruno hesitates for a moment and says, "Freak."
C.J. arrives back at the White House via limo. Inside, she finds a surly-looking Anthony waiting for her. She apologizes for keeping him waiting and says that this thing came up at the last minute: a bomb at a swim meet. He probably heard. He just glares at her in silence. She says that she can take him home now. She repeats that he probably saw it here on the TV. Still no response. She hesitates and finally says, "You know...I really miss Simon, too. That's probably something we can talk about." Anthony doesn't look at her. She crouches -- trying to connect with his eyes, at least -- and says that she asked around and hasn't been able to find anyone yet, but that she's not finished asking yet. She says she'll take him home now. He mutters something about a "babysitter" under his breath. At this moment, Charlie's passing through the hallway. C.J. softly says, "I'm sorry?" Anthony speaks: "I said I don't need a babysitter, bitch. Are you deaf?" Seems like what you need is a slap upside the head, pal. As C.J. says she doesn't think Anthony needs a babysitter, Charlie turns around, walks right toward Anthony, and grabs him by the lapels, slamming him against the wall. Anthony begins shouting, "Yo, what the hell's the matter with you, dog?" Charlie says, "This is Ms. Cregg. She's the White House Press Secretary and senior counsel to the President. And if she wasn't, she would still be Ms. Cregg! I don't mind you not respecting people; I mind you doing it out loud, I mind you doing it in this building. You wanna be a punk, fine! But I don't think you've got the size for it. You wanna go to juvie, get out, deal, and kill cops? Okay. But every time you do a crime, you get caught, so I think you're gonna have to do something else. Nine o'clock on Saturday mornings, I eat breakfast at Cosmo's on Delaware, I come here for an hour and do office work, and then I go to St. Jude's for an hour to play basketball. You can go to juvie, or you can be at Cosmo's nine o'clock on Saturday morning. It's entirely up to you." He lets him go and walks away. C.J. just looks sad. Go, Charlie! Man, now if Dulé Hill said he'd bust someone like a piñata, I'd believe it. Maybe this is the year Charlie gets a role. I hope, I hope. Dulé Hill is so capable and should be given more to do. I've always loved Charlie.
Sam wanders back to his office after the fundraiser, untying his tie as he goes. His back is to the door when a redhead walks up to it and says, "Booty call." No, actually, she says "SchmutzyPants." He says, as he turns around, "I know that voice." He sees Mallory standing there in the doorway. Her hair is up, and she's wearing an absolutely stunning emerald green low-cut gown. She looks good enough to give C.J. a run for her money, and that's...almost heresy. She says she was at the dinner. He says he didn't see her. I don't know how he could have missed her, looking like that. She says he did a nice job on the speech. He asks what makes her think he wrote it. She quotes some of the most annoying lines and he says, "A little thing called cadence." She says it works for him. Now that I can see her face better, I must say, I love that her eyes aren't so overly made-up as they were in the past. She looks much prettier without quite so much eyeliner and mascara.
Sam asks Mallory how New York is; she says that Richard (the hockey-playing boyfriend) got traded to the Blackhawks. Sam: "For a Zamboni battery?" Zambonis use batteries? Mallory says, "And Garnier and a first round draft pick." Sam assumes she's moving to Chicago. She tells him that she and Richard have split up. Sam pretends to try to restrain a smirk and says, "That is terrible. That is...the worst thing. I am so sorry. I liked him too...his brooding stare in the penalty box...if there's anything I can do." Mallory: "Shut up." He agrees. She says she came by to say hi and to tell him that she liked the speech. He thanks her. She says her dad told her that Sam staffed POTUS today, and asks him how it was. Sam asks if she knows anything about chaos theory. She says she knows it has to do with fractal geometry. Sam says that's about all he knows too, but that it has to do with there being order and -- here he looks at Mallory's dress -- "and even great beauty" -- in what looks like total chaos: "And if we look closely enough at the randomness around us, patterns will start to emerge." He sighs heavily. "I liked you, Mallory, a lot, but you made me suffer through Chinese opera without even the faint hope of sex at the end of the evening and then you spurned me altogether for some toothless overpaid goon and I had to take refuge in the strong, masculine arms of Josh..." No, no. Just being silly! He actually says, "I love Josh like a brother, and he's a world-class political mind, but until today, I didn't know he was smarter than I was." I think "world-class" might be pushing it a bit, and I know Sam's fans are going to have a lot to say about the idea of Josh being smarter than he. He continues, "I've worked here three years and eight months, and until you sit in the room all day, you can't comprehend the chaos of the Oval Office." I can see that being more applicable, perhaps, on days other than this particular one. Sam says he had one good moment talking about the global ripple effect of a budget deficit, but that was it: "The rest of the day was just keeping up. And this was a pretty light day." Mallory says, "One good moment is good." Sam says he's not complaining: "I'm saying, one good moment is great! It's a golf shot. I've got to get back in there. That's where it's happening." He's looking in the direction of the Oval Office. He adds, after a moment: "You came by just to tell me you liked the speech?" She quotes some more claptrap from the speech and says, "I'm weak." Oh, Lord. He says he thinks he stole that from Camelot. She offers to take him home, saying she doesn't think he's going to make it. He doesn't think so either. As they leave, she says, "Camelot?" Sam replies, "Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright." As they walk out, they say good night to Charlie.
Charlie walks back to his desk and finds a package there. No one's around. He opens it up and looks at it and smiles. Touching piano music plays. C.J. comes wandering up and stands by the door, saying, "The picture's from Deanna. I just put it in a frame. I've had it in my office for about a week. I just keep forgetting to give it to you." Charlie softly says, "Thanks. It's nice." Oh, you can see it coming miles away but I don't care. I'm tearing up anyway. I have absolutely no sap threshold where Charlie's concerned. She leaves, bidding him a good night. Charlie looks at it some more, leans over, and places the picture gently on his desk. We finally see the picture: it's his mom, in her police uniform, with her arms around her son, who's maybe six or so. She's beautiful, he's super-cute. I completely lose it.
The DC Three are on the empty dance floor of a bar or something. There's a strobe light and the background music is "The Wanderer." Donna's trying to teach Josh how to dance but gives up when she realizes he's almost too rhythmically challenged to perambulate, never mind do the Lindy Hop. Kidding. Actually they're sitting at a table yapping. Well, the guys are yapping. Donna's writing stuff. Donna's changed into some souvenir-of-Indiana sweatshirt, likely purchased in the gift shop, and her hair's looking suitably rough. Josh tells Toby that campaigns aren't about the candidates. He says they're about the voters, about how to create jobs, fix health care, make the lights go on, protect themselves. Toby: "Don't you want to ask if the plumber knows which direction the pipes run? Don't you...forget the plumber. Don't...we want leadership...to sound and to feel like, instead of appealing to our, our least expensive, however legitimate, desire to feel good about ourselves, don't we want..." Donna's had it. She says, "All right, that's it. I can't take it." Toby: "He started it." Donna: "I am not kidding. I have such an impulse to knock your heads together. I can't remember the last time I heard you two talk about anything other than how a campaign was playing in Washington. Cathy needed to take a second job so her dad could be covered by her insurance. She tried to tell you how bad things were for family farmers. You told her we already lost Indiana. You made fun of the fair but you didn't see they have livestock exhibitions and give prizes for the biggest tomato and the best heirloom apple. They're proud of what they grow. Eight modes of transportation, the kindness of six strangers, random conversations with twelve more, and nobody brought up Bartlet versus Writchie but you." Toby and Josh look duly chastened. She picks up her pen and says, "I'm writing letters on your behalf to the parents of the kids who were killed today. Can I have the table, please?" Josh and Toby don't move right away but eventually they get up and walk over to the bar.
Josh and Toby each go to opposite ends of the bar to brood. There's a guy sitting between them, older, middle-aged, middle-class, chunky, hardworking dad-type. We'll call him Plot Device. He asks Toby if his flight's delayed. Toby says yeah. Plot Device says his is too; he's going to St. Louis. Toby says he's going to Washington. Plot Device is chatty. He says he's here with his daughter, who's upstairs, and they were checking out Notre Dame. He asks if Toby has kids. Toby: "None that I know of." Okay, he just says no. Plot Device waxes on: "Wait 'til you take your oldest to look at colleges. It's an incredible feeling." You know, even if Toby conceived a child tonight -- and that's looking unlikely -- it's going to be a good long time before he's looking at colleges. The guy says you wish they could go to college across the street from your house, but of course, that's not realistic. Toby orders a Jack Daniels on the rocks, and says, "My boss went to Notre Dame." Plot Device says it's a beautiful campus. He chuckles about his daughter not getting to sleep tonight. Then he asks if Toby saw what happened in the market today. Yeah, he saw. Toby asks Plot Device if he's invested. Plot Device says he is, in a mutual fund that's intended to pay his daughter's tuition: "I never imagined that on $55,000 a year, I'd have trouble making ends meet. And my wife brings in another twenty-five. My son's in public school. It's no good. I mean, there's thirty-seven kids in the class. No art, and music...no advanced placement classes. Other kids, their mother has to make them practice the piano. You can't pull my son away from the piano." He smiles. "He needs teachers. I spend half the day thinking about what happens if I slip and fall down on my own front porch, you know? It should be hard. I like that it's hard. Putting your daughter through college, that's...that's a man's job. A man's accomplishment. But it should be a little easier. Just a little easier. 'Cause in that difference is...everything." Toby looks like he doesn't know what to say. Plot Device apologizes and introduces himself, "I'm Matt Kelley." He offers Toby his hand. Toby shakes his hand, glancing at Josh. Josh, listening at the other end, makes a gesture indicating Toby doesn't have to honour their bet. Toby says, "I'm Toby Ziegler." Long pause. "I work at the White House." Matt's clearly surprised and pleased to hear it. Toby asks if he has a minute to talk. Toby gestures toward Josh and says they'd like to buy him a beer. Matt's willing.
Black screen. 5:05 - President met with Mr. McGarry, Ch. Fitzwallace and Dr. McNally. That's AM, people. Long day. Jed arrives in the Oval Office where Leo, Nancy, and Fitz are waiting for him. He comes in wearing a sweatshirt. I guess they got him out of bed. He greets them: "The happy fun group." Leo informs him that they have reason to believe that in the forty-eight hours the Qumari rescue team will announce that they've recovered a military-issue Israeli-made parachute. Jed asks if they're just allowed to make things up now. Well, are you allowed to just kill people now? Nancy says as long as they don't step up and assume responsibility, they do. Jed says, "They know it was us, right?" Leo says they do. Jed asks Nancy if that's what she thinks they should do. No, it isn't. She says, "I am, however, beginning to lean towards reducing our nuclear arsenal one at a time, if you know what I mean, sir." He asks for Fitz's opinion. Fitz says, "Well, I'm with Dr. Strangelove on keeping our military secrets secret. But Nancy and Leo and I think there's a third option, which is to say it was us, but insulate you." Jed: "I signed a piece of paper, Fitz." Fitz says they can get around that. Jed: "You just hated my living guts when I got this job, didn't you?" Fitz responds, "No, sir." Jed: "Yeah, you did. I didn't know anything and I didn't have any respect for the Chiefs. You became my counsellor and you wrangled the Chiefs and you brought them to me." Fitz: "You got the Chiefs, sir. They respect you." Jed insists: "You brought 'em to me. And you talked Leo into Shareef and he talked me into it. It was my order and you executed it flawlessly and I stand by it. I stand by you...I stand by you all. I stand by it until I die. Plus, I'm going to need some cellmates in Holland." Fitz tries to suppress a smile. Jed asks what they do now. Leo says they're in the Situation Room. Off they go.
The DC Three are on the last leg of the long trip home; a shuttle bus from the airport to their homes. Josh complains, "You telling me we couldn't have just gone to the nearest Chinese restaurant and picked up some Kikkoman and poured it in that soy diesel thing?" Donna doesn't think it works that way: "Plus, how close do you think the nearest Chinese restaurant was?" I don't know about the U.S., but Professor Frink has told me that when he rode his bike from Toronto to Vancouver, stopping at dozens of tiny places in between, there was a Chinese restaurant absolutely every single place they went, no matter how small or how almost totally white. Places with one gas station and no stoplights would have a Chinese restaurant, owned by Chinese people. We both have wondered if this is the case in Canada because Chinese labourers were used -- and I do mean used -- to build this country's railroad. While thousands died, especially doing the dangerous work of carving through the Rocky Mountains, it seems logical that this project might have helped to scatter Chinese settlers far and wide throughout Canada. At least, those who could afford to pay the heavy, racist head tax appallingly applied to them. This is something I'd like to read more about and if you can recommend a good book, write me. Okay! Digress much?
Josh suggests inventing vehicles that run on ketchup, which elicits a small smile from a weary Donna. She says that when she gets home, she's taking the longest hot bath of her life. Toby suddenly asks the driver to let him off at the bridge. He says he can walk to work from there. Josh -- not to be outdone by Toby -- says he'll hop out there, too. Donna: "Please, not this again." Josh says, "Hey, you're the one who did the number back at the bar." She replies, "It didn't have anything to do with eliminating modern conveniences." Josh says that the driver can drop her off at home. Donna looks anxious. She tells the driver she'll get out with the other two. They disgorge. It's not raining any more but it's still very wet. As the shuttle bus pulls away, and they start walking, Toby says, "If our job teaches us anything, it's that we don't know what the President's gonna face. And if we choose someone with vision, someone with guts, someone with gravitas, who's connected to other people's lives, and cares about making them better...if we choose someone to inspire us, then we'll be able to face what comes our way and achieve things...we can't imagine yet. Instead of telling people who's the most qualified, instead of telling people who's got the better ideas, let's make it obvious. It's going to be hard." The camera's only on Josh and Toby now. Josh: "Then we'll do what's hard." The Music of Subdued But Renewed Resolve plays. The camera shifts so that we're behind them, watching the three of them walk toward the Lincoln Memorial, lit up in the distance, in the pre-dawn light. There's something kind of Wizard of Oz-ish about the shot, only instead of looking for brains, courage, and a heart, they're in search of vision, guts, and gravitas. And they seem to know the way to Kansas. Or Indiana, at least.