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Recapped by Deborah · Aired 02-03-2004

Props to Miss Alli for covering the two episodes for me, especially the feculent bigotry of "The Stormy Present." I hope by now you've been able to wash the taste out of your mouth, Miss A.

2:47 AM. Toby's in bed -- alone -- and unable to sleep. It's raining, and it's also unusually bright outside. I immediately start wondering if Toby's in the dream house, because this room -- with its huge window and incredibly substantial window frames -- really looks like it would belong in that house. If it's not, this is one pretty fabulous apartment Toby's got. Would he really have moved into that huge house all alone, especially after Andi spurned him? How depressing. I still would like to know how the hell he afforded it. He gets up out of bed. Toby wears a t-shirt to bed, for those who are keeping track. It is not, so far as I can tell, a TWoP T-shirt. Loser.

Toby arrives at his office. It's 3:06 AM. Geez, that was fast. Nineteen minutes? Come on. It probably takes the President that long to get dressed, brush his teeth, and walk down to the Oval Office from the Residence. Longer, if Abby's there to harangue him about something. It's not like Toby threw on trainers and a t-shirt, TWoP or otherwise -- he's dressed for work, in a business suit. Whatever. His monitor's already on as he enters the office, with a White House logo screensaver on it. But from a distance, it looks like something else. Frink: "Hey! He's watching American Idol on his PC." Toby puts a tape in his VCR; it's Jed's State of the Union address. Frink: "Whaddya know, POTUS is just as boring on TV." ["But is he about to bust out 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot,' by Beyoncé?" -- Wing Chun] I guess since Toby couldn't sleep, he knew where to go for a little soporific. Toby fast-forwards it to a section where Jed boldly suggests raising the minimum wage: "So that work always pays more than welfare." A bunch of very well-paid old white guys applaud; one guy even stands up. Damn, that's conviction. Toby pauses the tape and stares at it.

The phone rings, waking Josh -- also sleeping alone, and wearing a t-shirt, for those keeping track -- out of a sound sleep. Also not wearing a TWoP shirt. Loser. I realize that the brights lights who produce this show now seem to think that what it needs is "eye candy" like Swimtern (meh) and Rina (whatever), but I do think they underestimate just how much many viewers would like to see Brad Whitford with his shirt off. Maybe they're saving that for the big consummation with Donna. If it ever happens. (Actually, if/when it does, I expect it will be about as explicit and racy as a Baptist picnic -- despite Josh and Donna's chemistry. And yes, I know from Baptist picnics.) Also, Josh has got one godawful ugly comforter. It's one of those where the graphics look like something you'd see on a Kleenex box. Yecch. He throws the pillow off his face, knocking something over, and answers the phone. Toby instantly blurts out a question about how much money some guy named Gaines had in the last FEC filing period. Here's a tip: phone me in the middle night and ask me something like that, and the answer's going to be something like "Go fuck yourself." I suppose that's just the sort of thing keeping me from making those big public-servant bucks, though. If you phone me in the middle of the night, somebody better have died, and better still, left me a pile of money. Josh mumbles that he had $310,000. Toby: "Almost nothing." Toby lapses into thought and absently hangs the phone up on Josh as Josh is mumbling that it's not an election year. Yeah, I think the time Josh sees Toby, he should punch Toby right in the mouth.

Shot of the lobby. Toby marches through on his way to grab a hefty tome called Social Security from a shelf, along with some other material and some coffee. Back through the lobby, past a security guard who appears to be a temp from Madame Tussaud's. Is it a good idea to have wax dummies looking after the White House? Well, I suppose if they're allowed to run the country, what the heck. Toby pores over the material, and then rings up Charlie, who's also sleeping. Can't really see if he's alone, though. He, too, is in a t-shirt. And not a TWoP shirt. All together now: Loser. I don't believe Charlie wears anything to bed, anyway, and I'm ignoring all evidence to the contrary. Toby wants to know what time POTUS's wake-up call is; Charlie tells him it's at 5:45. That's probably AM, people, though there are no helpful title cards to get my back here. Toby says he'll make the call, and suggests that Charlie sleep in. Yeah, you get your rest. You're gonna need it so you can punch Toby in the mouth the time you see him. Also, you need to go buy yourself a non-ugly comforter, too.

Another shot of Toby killing time in the empty office, tossing his little red ball into garbage cans. It's 5:11 AM. He does this until the clock registers 5:45 AM. exactly. Fortunately, they don't show us those thirty-four minutes. He dials POTUS and asks if he has Prince Albert in a can.

Jed -- probably sleeping alone -- answers the phone and says, "Charlie, we're going to surgically implant a snooze button. It won't hurt much." Jed's wearing pyjamas, so he's not a loser, since Glarkware doesn't make TWoP jammies. Frink: "Bartlet's hair is perfect, even in bed. That's some Presidential-level gel." Toby explains who it is. Jed: "If they're not giving you enough to do down there...." Toby: "I know this sounds crazy, but I think we have two weeks...a two-week window...I need to see you alone right now, because if I'm right about this...." Jed replies: "Toby, I'm a somewhat happily married man...." No, he doesn't; he says he doesn't know what Toby's on about. Toby: "I think I know how we can save Social Security." If the plan starts with "kill all the politicians," I'm listening. Credits.

6:15 AM. I think they're in the study in the Residence. Jed's in his robe, glancing at the morning papers as Toby says he thinks Gaines is leaving the Senate, because he's not raising money. He adds, "Because he was the only Republican to stand up and applaud a minimum wage hike at the State of the Union. Gaines, breaking rank, over the AFL-CIO's top issue." Jed: "You think he'll announce his retirement?" Toby says that the Illinois GOP dinner is in two weeks: "If I'm right, he'll announce his intentions there; always has." Toby explains that Gaines has been a leader on this issue for decades, and that he chairs the Social Security Subcommittee: "Get him and a leading Democrat to agree on a fix, bring the House guys along, before anyone knows he's a lame duck. This just might be the break we need." Jed: "To save Social Security?" Toby confirms this. Jed: "This is right after we colonize Ontario?" Shout-out? Maybe. I'll stick my neck out here and speak on behalf of Ontarians: we're not really interested in being the fifty-first state, thanks. You might be able to convince Toronto, though. ["If it means we get more Lean Cuisine options at Dominion as I can find at Wegman's, I'm willing to hear arguments." -- Wing Chun] Toby wants to talk about reality: "More college kids think they'll see UFOs than Social Security cheques." Jed: "But they don't tell you how many believe in UFOs; that's the number we ought to be worried about." Toby says that the number of retirees is going to double, and if they don't do something, the trust fund will go broke. Jed: "One Senator's retirement means we can save it?" Toby's all gung ho about Gaines. Jed says that Republicans will want to divert a chunk of Social Security into private investment: "Think Democrats will go along with that?" Toby: "I'm not saying there aren't sticking points." Jed: "More like Krazy Glue. Think Republicans'll raise payroll taxes?" Toby thinks it has to be discussed. Toby doesn't really have all the details worked out. This is really a pretty flimsy and uninspired plan so far. Jed: "'Cause you can't save Social Security without cutting benefits or raising taxes, and this is the largest meeting in Washington where anyone's ever admitted it."

By Deborah

Toby approaches Senator Gaines on the steps opposite the Capitol Building and asks to speak to him. Uh, if no one's supposed to know anything about this, shouldn't he be a lot more cloak-and-dagger about this? It looks like a speech or press briefing just broke up. Yeah, there are hardly any reporters or cameras around. Not to mention, the guy that Gaines was walking with just stands there waiting and watching as Gaines and Toby walk away. Anyway, Toby tells Gaines his theory about how and why the Senator's not running for reelection: "And I'm offering you what I think could be the crowning achievement of your career." Gaines: "You want me to applaud the President more often?" Toby: "I want us to try to save Social Security. I'll bring the President along with a leading Senate Democrat to the table." Gaines: "Then we'll simonize the Hoover Dam?" Toby suggests they do this first. Gaines says that Toby's been good on this issue: "Your political hacks in the White House haven't." Toby says it will be a day without politics. Sure it will. Did he just stumble out of a Teletubby video? Gaines is skeptical, too: he says he'll suggest having personal savings accounts so that people can invest their own money, and "Josh Lyman's hatchet factory" will accuse him of turning Social Security into stock-market bingo. Toby assures him that everything's on the table. Gaines continues, saying he'll recommend trimming the cost-of-living adjustment, and that the opposition will brandish widows scraping by on monthly cheques of $740 and accuse him of wanting them to eat cat food. Toby insists again that everything is on the table: "I'm asking you to take one step, one small step toward greatness. You chair the Subcommittee, you're the one who can deliver House and Senate Republicans." Gaines: "Funny. I knew the perfect Republican to lead this in the House. Deeply committed to reform." Toby: "Senator, I...." Gaines: "Jim Carney was his name. And I think he's in a different line of work now." Toby: "Are you willing to let the trust fund go completely broke? 'Cause let's face it, that'll lead to the mother of all tax increases, or the total collapse of the system. Is that the legacy you want to leave? One step, Senator. That's all I'm asking." Gaines, thinking it over: "I'll need a Democrat. He'd better be a heavyweight."

Josh enters his office where Will's hanging around, saying that VPOTUS's speech to the Detroit Economic Club wasn't half bad. Will wants to talk about Russell's "presentation problem." Josh: "People agree with everything Russell says...." Will: "Until he says it." Josh says that the greatest sin in politics is to be bad on television. Which will explain a huge amount of what's wrong with politics, right there. Will wonders if Josh and Toby ever had presentation problems with POTUS. Josh: "First campaign, every speech was an eighteen-point plan for something or other." Will wonders what they did. Josh: "Gave him an eighteen-point plan to make his speeches snappier." Will: "Russell's instinct is to make fun of his blandness, salt his speeches with self-deprecating jokes." Josh: "Such as?" Will: "'Bob Russell is so dull, his Secret Service code name is Bob Russell.'" Josh smirks and says that's not bad. Will: "'Bob Russell's an inspiration to the millions of Americans who suffer from Dutch Elm disease.'" Josh says if he uses that, he's going to have a Sierra Club problem. Will: "That's where we used it." Josh says, "The problem is, telling people you're dull just removes all doubt. Russell needs to confound expectations, do something to really shock the party faithful." Frink suggests: "Be found in panties." I don't think that will do it, myself. Josh: "And I may have something...about Gaines...." Will asks if Toby met with Gaines this morning. Apparently some Wall Street Journal reporter named Polk asked Will about it, and he said he had no idea: "For once in my life, I was telling the truth." Josh, seemingly attempting to sound knowledgeable: "Yeah, uh, that meeting was...let me get back to you about Russell." Will leaves.

By Deborah

Out in the hall, Josh catches up with Donna, asking her to tell Will he's on his way over: "I've got a little surprise for Senator Gaines. May not be such a slow news day after all."

After the commercials, a reporter knocks on C.J.'s door. C.J.: "Mr. Polk. To what do I owe the pressure?" Heh. I bet she uses that line a lot. He needs a comment and can't wait for the briefing. C.J.: "The Journal doesn't even have a bulldog edition." He says she may need some time for this one. He says that Toby's been meeting on the Hill and he wants to know if it's about Social Security. C.J. says she's sure it's not; he claims someone on Gaines's staff says otherwise. C.J.: "Do you know how many rounds we've gone on this issue? They're just picking a fight." Polk: "In person, obviously. Because Gaines met Toby an hour ago." C.J. sighs to herself: "This is what I get on a slow news day. No bulldog edition but plenty...." Polk: "Plenty of bulldogs. Check it out, C.J."

In Toby's office, he appears to be setting up a meeting with the Democratic Senator he's chosen. Marina tells Toby a reporter from the Wall Street Journal called. Toby says that he's not taking any press calls today. Marina says he said it was urgent. Toby's sure of it, and quite indifferent. I'm sorry, I'm just not buying this woman as being qualified for this position, especially for someone as picky and difficult as Toby. What the hell happened to Bonnie and Ginger? I don't think they have other roles that are keeping them from this show. Surely there must be lots of highly experienced and qualified assistants who could better serve one of the President's highest-ranking staff members. The whole thing just seems like an excuse to introduce yet another unnecessary character, and given the way she was brought in on the T&A ticket during November sweeps, along with that walking lawsuit crack, I simply can't see how this is going anywhere worthwhile. If Toby and Marina get involved, I'll cry. And not big, shiny, slow-moving soap-opera tears, either. Marina says there's something she doesn't understand about Social Security. Toby: "Then you could be a member of Congress." Well, she's qualified for just about everything, isn't she? Then she plays the Donna role and Toby plays the Josh role and explains the problem with Social Security to her. It's so basic I'm not even going to recount it here; if you haven't heard about it yet, Google it, for God's sake. Then she wants to know who James Carney is, since she sees his name all over the reports: "If Senator Gaines won't help, could you ask him?" Seriously: she's supposed to be well-versed enough to assist the President's Director of Communications. Also, I keep wanting to type "James Cagney."

Anyway, C.J. arrives, saying, "The chickens of our empty roost are coming home to roost." There's some dialogue for the ages. That's one of those clunky lines that sounds like someone trying to sound like Sorkin. Toby apologizes for how busy he's been. C.J. says it's a "glacially slow" news day and she has had, among other things, a Freedom of Information request to inspect Abby's shoe closet. She mentions Polk's sniffing around about Social Security. She asks him what he was discussing with Gaines: "His volumetric ethanol amendment?" Toby realizes he's going to have to tell C.J. in order to have her help in misdirecting the media, so he closes the door and tells her, "You can't tell Leo." C.J.: "It isn't true, is it?" He says he needs the press off his trail for a couple of days: "It's close-hold." C.J.: "Close-hold from Leo?" Toby just looks at her and shifts his eyebrows slightly. C.J. looks sad and agrees.

Josh arrives at the OEOB and tells Will, "I like your office." It's very large and pretty lavish, I'll say: lots of wood panelling and fine furniture. Apparently being the Director of Communications for VPOTUS is accompanied by certain perks not extended to his counterpart in Bartlet's office. Will says it has the advantage of being remote. Josh says that the parking is great. Will: "Two doors down is the International Date Line." Josh says he has a strategy for Russell: "Forget the 'dull' jokes. The real problem in the Democratic Party these days is morale, right? So Russell comes out of the gate as a seltzer bottle-squirting partisan, the happy warrior, the guy who puts the fun back in Democratic politics." Put down the crack pipe, Josh. Somehow I don't think acting like one of the Marx brothers is going to get Russell or this administration very far. Will: "'Fun'? From a guy who needs a strobe light to look like he's moving?" Josh: "Write that down." Will apparently already has. Josh brings up the pathetic $310K Gaines raised in the last quarter. Will wonders if Gaines has an opponent yet. Josh says he doesn't, but that this is a crack in the plaster: "We're going to have some fun at his expense." Well, this just seems like an idiotic idea from me, even if Josh doesn't know what Toby's doing. Josh elaborates: "I'm talking about political theatre -- the stuff you do in a campaign to energize your base, wake 'em up." Yeah, and Russell seems like just the guy to pull this off. Huh? Josh proposes that Russell go to Gaines's hometown, put out a change jar, and hold a mock fundraiser. Will: "To show that Gaines is so far outside the mainstream, that's why he's broke?" Josh: "Drops a nickel in the jar for each of Gaines's retrograde positions." Will: "Tahitian tax shelters: Ka-ching!" Josh: "Privatizing Social Security." Will: "Ka-ching! It's a partisan stunt. Russell could do one every week." Josh says it "fires up the troops. Shows them while the other side's being complacent...." Will: "We're ready to throw down!" Josh: "Little too much fun there." Will: "Sorry." Josh smirks: "Slow news day," and hands Will the phone receiver, adding, "Lots of bored political reporters out there." Well, this seems like a really progressive and worthwhile and dignified way to conduct government. No wonder I have such respect and admiration for politicians.

Toby's outside chatting with the woman who must be Senator Brainerd, trying to convince her to go along with him and Gaines. She wants to know where POTUS is on this; Toby says he's 100% supportive. She says she won't raise the retirement age. Toby: "No, no, no...we have to share the pain." Brainerd: "Easy for us to say. We don't carry sheet metal for a living. We don't work hard, physical jobs like welding, plumbing..." Toby says that FDR didn't intend for Americans to pay for twenty years of shuffleboard after retirement. I guess he intended for them to die at seventy. Brainerd: "Tell that to the sheet metal worker whose tendons are shot by fifty-five." Toby: "Having no Social Security works wonders on the tendons." She wonders if he's not concerned about political fallout. He says he is, but: "This isn't politics, it's history. And there is no easy way to get in the book." Brainerd agrees to talk, but makes no commitments.

Carol informs C.J. that the guy from the Argentine Embassy has arrived. C.J. tells Carol to see if he has anything they can announce. She breezily informs C.J. that she'll want to ask him herself. She walks out as Felipe Hartmano (tm Gustave) walks in, looking extremely polished and handsome, and says hello. It's very hard to suppress the impulse to tell her to run. Speaking of 24, don't you think Allison Janney and Kiefer Sutherland would be a hot couple? C.J. doesn't look up but keeps flipping through her papers, blithering about shooting fish in a barrel and "cabbage import penetration talks" while Felipe waits quietly and patiently. She finally looks up and notices how suave and stylin' he is and loses her train of thought. He says, "There is no agreement. There is only mutual respect." She further blithers a response, having gone into shyly flirtatious mode. Felipe asks, "Do you like cabbage?" Frink: "'Only when I eat it off your stomach.'" She grins and shrugs: "Not so much, really." But she could obviously be convinced. She adds, "On occasion...I see the appeal." Felipe nods, like a man who knows a lot of secrets about cabbage. C.J., all smiles: "Been a while since I've tried it, actually." Felipe says, "You are a...a woman." C.J.: "And no news there, either, though at this point I'm willing to go with it." I would love to see the press briefing where C.J. announces that she is a biological woman. ["Well, she is really tall...." -- Wing Chun] I suspect that this is supposed to make us think that Felipe assumed that "C.J. Cregg" must be a man. They just stare and smile at each other until Carol tells C.J. that the press is waiting in the briefing room. C.J.reaches out to thank Felipe and shake his hand, and he finally introduces himself as "Carlos Carrio." He kisses C.J.'s hand instead of shaking it. He thanks her and leaves. C.J. says quietly to herself: "Thank you...for whatever it was that was." Carol comes in and snaps her fingers to interrupt C.J.'s reverie: "How come you wanted all that press guidance on ethanol?" C.J. snaps to and says it's because she's about to get hammered on Social Security. She hustles to the briefing, telling Carol, "If I tug on my left ear, create a diversion."

By Deborah

Carol tells C.J. she handled the briefing beautifully. C.J.: "A little tough love's what these people need. If that doesn't work, I'm moving on to Molotov cocktails." Carol shows C.J. a wire story from some guy named Gordon: "C.J. Cregg Touts Her Right To Adopt." Gordon's waiting outside C.J.'s office, and she strides over to him, saying, "Let's talk about your story, since you've stumbled onto...uh, we can do this on the record, if you like." He sits down and pulls out his notepad as C.J. launches into confessional mode: "At a certain point -- I don't know when, exactly -- the Press Secretary job just wasn't...fulfilling. Maybe it was...and then there was that spiritual vacuum, do you ever feel that in your job?" Gordon: "Uh...." C.J.: "First I thought it was Western materialism, then the mantra stopped working, and are you getting this down?" He doesn't appear to be. She sits down near him saying, "Anyway, I already got the crib. I painted one room pink and the other one blue, 'cause I wanted to live with both -- they're such different sensibilities." Gordon tries to interrupt with a question about adoption laws. C.J.: "That's the thing, I don't want to adopt. I'm looking for a donor." She gives him a sincere, slightly hopeful look. Gordon: "A donor?" C.J.: "Uh...close the door." He glances at the door and finally seems to grasp what she's getting at, and he's all "whoa, whoa, whoa." C.J.: "Are you out of your pencil-ridden brain? This is the United States government. We've got a two-trillion-dollar budget. We're the largest creditor, the largest subcontractor, lifeblood of the global economy with a nuclear arsenal that could blow this planet into fifteen billion pieces! I shouldn't have to tie you to a chair and shove a spoon in your mouth to get you to write about it!" Gordon: "So you don't have a crib?" C.J. shouts, "Get out!" He vamooses. Yeah, you'd better run.

Toby's waiting for someone. I think he's in that room behind the Briefing Room. Polk comes in and tells Toby he's a hard man to reach today. Toby tells him that they're speaking off the record; Polk agrees. Toby asks Polk not to write his story, in exchange for an exclusive or ten after it's over. He promises something big. Polk: "Bigger than a fifth of the federal budget? Bigger than fifty-one million monthly cheques?" Toby says that Polk's going to ruin Toby with the party: "You'll ruin us on fifteen different issues!" Polk suggests that Toby and Josh are playing good cop/bad cop: "Am I right?" Toby: "You're wrong. And the arrogance you have in assuming that...." Polk: "How about the arrogance of trying to reform a $400 billion program by manhandling Senators behind closed doors? With no public debate? Without organized labour? Without the AARP? Without the taxpaying public [sic] having any clue that they might have to work longer for less money? You also met with Brainerd, and I'm through talking off the record." He flips open his notepad. Toby asks when he's filing; Polk says it's tonight. He adds, "Sunshine is the best disinfectant, Toby." Toby gives him one of his mirthless smiles and replies, "For germs, maybe. Not the plague."

Toby walks into Josh's office, where Josh is apathetically watching some news report and snaps off the TV, saying, "I told you the $310K wasn't relevant." Josh mutters that he's making it relevant. Toby shuts the door and says, "I don't want it relevant." Josh stands up and asks, "Are you dealing on Social Security?" He adds that he went on record denying it. Toby doesn't answer, but just says, "Stop the stunts!" Josh: "I've gotten calls from half a dozen Democratic Senators thrilled to see signs of political life in this building. They're planning to run on Social Security. They don't want it dealt away." Toby says that what he's doing doesn't concern the political department. Josh: "Meaning, it's bad politics." Toby shouts, "Meaning, knock it off!" Josh: "You know the electorate's ten percent older in the off-years and more culturally conservative? The only two advantages we have in the midterms are Social Security and Medicare. We take them off the table, we got nothing!" Toby insists that there is no table. Josh: "Then why do you care what I do to Gaines?" Before he can answer, Marina comes in, saying, "Mr. Ziegler, there's someone...you're needed in your office right away." Toby gives Josh a slightly guilty, slightly pained look. Josh just raises his eyebrow slightly as Toby takes off. I'm sure nobody at all heard this argument. God, is it just me, or is this the most half-assed attempt at keeping something on the QT in American history?

Josh comes out of his office and runs into Donna. He tells her, "I need you to talk to Toby's researcher about her clothes." Donna smiles: "I thought you didn't want to play fashion cop." Josh: "Go down there. Talk about pants suits. Find out what Toby's working on." Donna's taken aback: "You're asking me to spy on Toby?" Josh doesn't answer. Donna: "I don't feel comfortable with that." Josh: "I didn't ask if you felt comfortable. Toby's negotiating away our office furniture. We need to know." Donna: "I'm supposed to have...." Josh: "Makeup tips. Just...see what's on her desk."

Toby's in his office with Brainerd. He says, "This isn't a setup. You're surprised the Wall Street Journal is exploiting this?" Brainerd says she's surprised that Gaines is out after Toby told her he was in. She seems pretty annoyed. Toby insists that he can get Gaines back on board and put it back together, but that he needs her to make some commitments: "Gaines said he'd scale back on private accounts. What can you give him?" Brainerd: "Nothing. If it's in the papers I was even talking about raising retirement age, I'd have the walker brigade picketing my house. Slowly." ["Hee. 'Grey Dawn'!" -- Wing Chun] Toby: "This could be our one chance -- to help them -- and you're going to give it up? When do we ever get a deal on this?" Brainerd replies, "When we win back Congress -- and do it on Democratic terms." Toby says that they've been saying that for two decades. She says she's out: "You can keep the hemlock."

By Deborah

C.J. begins the briefing saying that the President plans to focus on raising educational standards in the coming weeks. She tries to get the members of the press corps excited about that, but they're not, and a reporter asks about proposed changes to federal adoption law. She says they hope to streamline the process soon. There's Polk off to the side, adjusting his collar. The reporter asks another question about the adoption-law changes, including a preference for younger parents, but C.J. says she hasn't reviewed the language. She keeps glancing at Polk. The reporter presses her, saying that the Bartlets have a combined age of 111, and he wants to know if they killed the announcement because they're considering adopting a baby. Someone else jumps on that, and C.J.'s so anxious to derail that line of questioning that she calls on Polk, who doesn't have any questions. The room goes nuts, calling her name and pursuing the adoption "story." She quickly ends the briefing, and a reporter complains that they don't have any news to file. C.J.: "Like a blank page would kill you." She leaves the podium, asking Polk to come with her. She wants to know why he didn't ask his question. Polk: "Why share it with the room?" C.J.: "'Cause they like flimsy rumours and innuendo, too." He says he has a second source: "You'll see how flimsy it is in tomorrow's Journal."

Toby catches up with Gaines on the steps of an office building. Somebody really needs to go to Confidentiality Boot Camp. He already knows the word is out to some degree; he can't be any more careful than this? He tells Gaines that Brainerd is willing to talk. Gaines: "Maybe we can start a book club." Toby says she's the ranking Democrat on finance, and that it's a good first step. Gaines he just heard from two reporters: "Bob Russell and the Bartlet smear machine are planning to attack me on Social Security, make a circus out of my fundraising weakness. Is that the second step?" My God, can't anybody in this town can keep his or her yap shut for five minutes? How does he know about that already? Toby doesn't know what he's talking about. Gaines: "Either you're lying, or the left hand doesn't know what the far left hand is doing." Oy. Funny line, but the idea that anything about the Bartlet administration is "left," never mind "far left," is just so very, very yoomerous to me. Toby says he's not lying. Gaines: "You know what happened to Carney? He commissioned one lousy CBO analysis on raising the retirement age." Toby says he can fix this. Gaines: "Josh Lyman ran ads with ninety-year-olds in hardhats working construction: 'The Carney Social Security Plan.' Lost his seat by eleven points." Toby insists he'll put a stop to whatever's going on. Gaines: "Eleven points." Toby says that Gaines isn't running again. Gaines: "Who said I wasn't running? I thought it was time to raise the minimum wage." Toby: "You have to trust me." Gaines: "I don't. And even if I did put my neck on the line with my own party by scaling back private accounts, you and your guys would never give up on your favourite partisan attack." Toby: "We're on the same limb. The Journal's chasing this, your staff is leaking it!" Gaines: "They were until I confirmed it." Toby: "You confirmed it?" Gaines: "I told them that you came to me and urged me to cut Social Security." Toby says that if that gets printed, it will screw any chance there is for a deal. Gaines: "Well. Now you've got that limb all to yourself, hmm?" He takes off.

Charlie is showing Jed a bunch of different old Presidential portraits on an easel in the study. Jed complains, "If they'd only let me wear leggings for my portrait, we'd be in business." Charlie: "Until it shows up on the internet." Jed: "There you go, turning your back on a whole new constituency." Toby arrives and Jed asks Charlie to leave them alone. As Charlie passes Toby, he whispers, "Nice bags under the eyes, there, Kojak." Kojak? Toby's shtick is a little red ball, not a little red lollipop.

Once Charlie's gone, Toby tells Jed he didn't know Charlie would be there. Jed says he's got five Democratic Senators on his call sheet, and Leo's after him to find out what's going on: "What the hell have you gotten us into?" Frink, who hasn't seen most of the episodes for the last two years, wonders: "Why is it so dark in this room?" Why, indeed? My theory is that they're hoping to inject drama into the show with window dressing, since it's not there in a lot of the script. Toby blurts: "I lost Gaines, I lost Brainerd, and the Wall Street Journal's running it tomorrow." Jed: "Running what? That we grabbed the third rail with both hands?" Toby: "That we talked about raising the retirement age, maybe privatization...." Jed bangs his fist on the desk and yells, "Dammit, Toby!" Toby says that Gaines expressed some interest. Jed: "So you ran with it when I told you not to [sic] even walk?" Toby suggests that POTUS could talk to Gaines and assure him that he's personally behind this. Jed: "Behind what? A deal that doesn't exist?" Toby shrugs: "What if you told him you'd move on the retirement age?" Jed: "Maybe I should just call the Journal. They can run it right to my legislative obituary!" Toby snaps: "I can't contain this by myself!" Jed: "You're gonna contain it now." Toby says that there's no way. Jed tells him to find a way. I wonder idly if this show would be more exciting if they all had to wear Mexican wrestling masks when arguing. I daresay it would. I didn't think this was a terrible episode on first viewing, but I'm just so bored and unconvinced on this second go-round. Toby: "How? By telling the whole party so they can lay down on the tracks to stop it? By telling nine committee chairs -- probably a whole dining-room set -- that we circumvented their authority? The Journal's still going to file it, and we still don't have a deal." Jed tells him to find a deal. Toby: "I tried!" Jed: "I want this back in the cardboard box it came in. I don't want to see you or talk to you 'til that's done. 'No way' is not an acceptable answer. 'I tried' is no longer an option. You started this thing and you're going to damn well finish it, with either a blue ribbon or a great big deafening silence!" Toby thanks him and relies on echolocation to find his way out of the room.

By Deborah

Leo's given the letter to POTUS. He says, "There's a reason we have a chain of command. So people don't take flyers, and I don't hand you their resignations." Jed says he wanted to believe Toby could do it. Leo: "This isn't Never-Never Land, sir. Believing is not enough." Jed: "You would have stopped it." Leo: "Because it's my job." Jed: "It's my life, Leo. I'm the one who's accountable -- not in the morning papers, not in the Democratic cloakroom -- but in a fifty, a hundred years, when Tuesday's poll samples have crumbled into dust." Leo tells POTUS he can't will himself a legacy. Jed: "You think there's room at the Smithsonian for guys who never even tried?" You think the really great ones were more concerned about ending up in the Smithsonian than what they actually did each day? Leo pauses and then says, "You have to accept Toby's letter." Jed puts his glasses back on and looks at the letter again.

Josh finds Toby sitting alone in the dark. I think they're in the Mess, but as I said, it's dark. Perhaps I needn't have mentioned that. Josh enters, saying, "Five years...I never thought we'd have secrets." Except about their furtive love affairs with Sam. Toby quotes, "'Let thy discontents be thy secrets.'" That's rich, coming from someone like Toby. Josh: "Only if you want them to stay discontents." He chucks a chair on the floor, hard, and sits down, adding, "C.J. showed me your resignation. Why didn't you tell me? You don't trust me?" Toby replies, "I didn't tell you because you would have body-blocked me." Josh: "'Cause it was a stupid thing to do, and you knew it. Don't you want to try to take back Congress so we can legislate on a hundred of ours issues?" Toby: "Spoken like a true reformer." Josh: "I'd like to swim the English Channel, too. Takes more than jumping off a pier." Toby asks, "So we exploit the hard stuff 'til it can't be solved? That's what we want to be remembered for?" Josh explains it to him: "We do what's possible; we exploit what's not. That's how we win elections." Toby reminds him, "Well, I came up on losing campaigns, and every time I lost, at least I knew what I went down for. Carney knew." Josh asks what the losers get to do about Social Security: "Except receive it?" Toby says, "The losers can kick up enough dirt to keep the debate going. Maybe my letter will do that." Josh: "Make you a martyr." Toby: "Make someone else pick up the ball. Inch by inch, we're moving the line of compromise." Josh says this is not Sunday school: "It's the world capital of politics. I could've told you Gaines wasn't going to move." Toby points out that he was willing to move on private accounts. Josh can't believe it: "That's like...inhaling a baby grand." Probably leaves you with horrendous piano breath, too. Toby chuckles weakly: "Yeah. Well, he's out now." Josh is struck by inspiration: "Turner. Roy Turner."

thing you know, Gaines is meeting by a fireside with some guy who must be Turner, along with Josh and Toby, in some room at the White House I don't recognize. Got a lotta schmancy gold and china tchotchkes, though. Gaines: "So you're saying you'll ask Democrats to trim benefits over the twenty years, raise the retirement age over the sixty years, and give up on this issue forever?" Turner replies, "If I can tell them that you'll settle for small, optional private accounts on top of Social Security, and raise the income limit on Social Security taxes." Toby interjects, "We protect FDR's legacy and admit changes have to be made to save it." Gaines asks, "What about political cover?" Josh says, "We call off the stunts. The DNC won't use this deal against any Republican who votes for it." Oh, they're in the Mural Room. Never got a good look at the mantel before. Gaines glances at Turner. Toby asks about the chances that this will pass the House. Gaines: "A lot of Republicans would like to end the demagoguery on this issue. They'll be grateful that you approached me with a deal." Turner takes a swig of his drink and says, "Actually...to sell this to Democrats...I have to say you approached me first." Gaines says that's a dealbreaker: "If it looks like a Democratic setup...." Turner complains, "I can't look like a fig leaf for some risky scheme to shred Social Security." Gaines says they're saving it, not shredding it. Toby and Josh look at each other wearily as Gaines and Turner bicker predictably. Man. Can we just get Kang and Kodos in here? God, I'm sick of Republicans and Democrats.

Oval Office. Josh and Toby are meeting with Leo and POTUS. Leo grouses, "Closest we've been to a deal in twenty years and it breaks down over who he approached first?" Isn't that always the way? Isn't there always some petty little face-saving shit getting in the way of accomplishing anything? Josh explains the optics, which don't really need explaining. Leo comments, "Hard enough caving on principle without looking like you're caving on principle." Josh reminds them about the problem with Polk. Hasn't that guy filed his story by now? What time is it, anyway? Where are those frickin' title cards when you actually want to know what time it is? Jed, having ruminated on the problem with his superior intelligence, announces: "We don't take credit." Leo: "What?" Jed suggests that they not take credit at all. Toby: "It's the only way." Jed: "They approached each other." And people are going to buy that? I wouldn't. Jed continues: "Bipartisan down the line. No one can say I'm setting anyone up." Leo: "Mr. President, a victory like this comes along once in a generation." Josh adds, "We'll have practically saved the New Deal and no one will even know we were in the room." Toby: "We'll know. And if we don't do this...." He sighs deeply. "If this system collapses, which is what'll happen...if we go back to bread lines, if growing old in American means growing poor again, we'll know that, too." Josh reminds Jed, "There is no such thing as an invisible legacy, sir." Leo further belabours the point: "You'd have to know you'd be giving it away." I think he gets that. Yeesh. Jed cocks his head slightly and says, "All day we've been talking about my legacy, my portrait, what's going to be carved on my tombstone...." He doesn't say what they've decided but I'm betting it includes a discourse on the Latin name for the common earthworm. Jed has a radical suggestion: "Maybe we pay a little more attention to what's being rendered, and the rendering takes care of itself." There is almost nothing about this storyline that's plausible, from beginning to end. It's especially ridiculous that Toby continued to keep it a "secret" even when Leo and Josh were asking about it so directly. The whole thing felt like an attempt to ape some of the atmosphere and tension of "17 People," but it just doesn't get there.

By Deborah

7:45 PM. Toby enters C.J.'s office, closes the door, and sits down. There's a big head of cabbage on the desk with a heart-shaped piece of pink paper stuck in it. From Felipe, or a joke between C.J. and Carol? Toby sees the cabbage and bursts out laughing, turning it to read the note as he asks what it is. C.J.: "Oh, it's just some guy at the Argentine Embassy who apparently wants to make me a salad." I wonder how Gail feels about sharing the limelight with Brassica oleracea capitata. (Yeah, Gail's a pompous old nerd, just like POTUS.) Toby pretends not to be deeply jealous and just says, "Huh." Then he says, "Sorry about the baby story." C.J. says it's okay: "Here we are, senior advisors to the President, commissioned officers of the federal government. Life's not perfect, but why does anyone think we don't live in a world we construct?" Toby smiles and asks if she had any luck with Polk. She says she didn't. He says he may have an announcement for her that will knock Polk out of the water. C.J. wants to know what it is. Toby: "Let me get the wording straight." I suggest: "I quit, you pompous old nerd." Or you could go another way: "Gratias tibi ago, domine. Yes, I lied. It was a sin. I've committed many sins. Have I displeased you, you feckless thug? The State of the Union, that wasn't good? Got you elected twice, eaten bowls of weeds, can name the fourteen standard punctuation marks of English grammar, kept Mendoza out of jail, I'm smiling on the inside, I've sired two babies with hats. That's not enough to buy me out of the doghouse? Haec credam a deo pio? A deo iusto, a deo scito? Cruciatus in crucem. Tuus in terra servus, nuntius fui. Officium perfeci. Cruciatus in crucem. Eas in crucem! You get Marina!"

By Deborah

Toby's typing away at his laptop when Marina comes in and they exchange some chitchat about the history of Social Security. Marina asks what POTUS wanted, and Toby tells her. Marina wonders how you handle a catastrophe like this. Toby: "By taking the blame for everything that happened." Leo comes in just as Toby's printing something out. Marina leaves, and Leo says quietly: "You're up to something. You lied to me about it. The President won't say what it is, but you work for me." Well, at least someone in this building can keep his cakehole shut. Toby: "I do." Leo: "Tell me what you're up to. Tell me why half the caucus thinks we're squeezing Gaines, or we have serious problems." Toby signs the piece of paper he's just printed, which is obviously a letter of resignation, and hands it to Leo: "No problems." He walks out while Leo reads.

By Deborah

Toby's in his office watching Gaines and Turner on NBC News grabbing all the glory for this deal. C.J. stops by and says, "So much for the Wall Street Journal. It's a political tsunami." He asks what she told Polk. C.J.: "That they asked us to be part of this, and we said 'no.'" Toby: "Okay." C.J. gives him a small smile and asks, "So what do we do when Republicans and Democrats no longer have Social Security to thrash each other with?" Toby: "We move on to Medicare." Gaines and Turner go on bloviating and the commentator goes on congratulating them as C.J. leaves. She pauses at the door to say, "Always the slow news days, huh?" We watch Toby through the window of his office as he lights a cigar and continues to watch the coverage. Then there are a couple of dissolves as he carries on smoking and then finally packs up and leaves the office.

That was a sweeps episode? Heavens to Murgatroyd, I haven't seen anything that engrossing since the budget crisis of...whenever the hell it was. Well, that was...um...it was better than the three trips to the dentist I've made in the last ten days to have my molars drilled without anaesthetic. It was better than the idiotic Super Bowl brouhaha. Wait, I've got it: it was better than listening to Toby spew racist garbage! Woo. Thank God for small favours.

West Wing TV Show - Of Cabbages And Things - West Wing Photos &amp; Videos, West Wing Reviews &amp; West Wing Recaps | TWoP

West Wing TV Show - Of Cabbages And Things - West Wing Photos & Videos, West Wing Reviews & West Wing Recaps | TWoP