By Deborah
Previously on The West Wing: Abby wanted to know when Jed decided to run again, but Jed said he hadn't made that decision; Leo told the story of Andrew Jackson's big block of cheese, which somehow inspired what Toby calls "Throw Open Our Office Doors To People Who Want To Discuss Things We Could [sic] Care Less About Day."
Shout-out to kqog.
As the title appears on the black screen, we can just barely hear the strains of Don Henley's "New York Minute," (from the lyrics of which this episode's title is drawn). I figured from knowing the title that the song might be featured in the episode, but it was odd to hear such a comparatively contemporary song on this show. It definitely set a different tone. I try not to think about that episode of Friends where Marcel the monkey swallows some Scrabble™ tiles. ["I tried too. I was not successful." -- Wing Chun] The scene opens with a shot of Washington at dawn; the sky is almost tropical colours of pink, orange, and lavender. Inside the West Wing, mailguys are starting to deliver things, security guards are changing shifts, janitorial staff are cleaning the floors...it's very, very early. We see Leo entering the building.
The shot is of someone curled up sleeping on a couch; it's Sam. As Leo passes Toby's office, he notices Sam on the couch and comes in to rouse him. Sam wakes up, groggily asking what day it is. Leo tells him it's Friday. Sam then asks what time it is. Leo asks whether Sam slept here last night. Sam explains that he doesn't have a couch in his office. Leo: "Yeah, but you have a bed in your house, right?" Sam states, "I need to change my shirt." Leo suggests that perhaps Sam needs to go home for a while. Sam asks Leo what he's doing at work so early. Leo explains that he's trying to avoid the protesters.
As Sam puts on his jacket and walks with Leo, Leo explains the Byzantine route he had to take to get to work, what with all the road blocks, closings, and police cordons -- including one around the National Geographic Society. Sam wonders who has a problem with the NGS. Leo'd like to know the answer to that, too. Sam says, "Anyway, I'm going to change my shirt." As Sam starts to go, Leo asks, "What's going on with the pardon recommendations?" Sam replies, "They're coming together. I've reviewed the recommendations from Justice and the OPA, and Tribby's office had its own recommendations." Leo asks how many he's sending in. Sam says, "Eighteen, I think, now. Mail fraud, securities fraud, and truly the most bogus drug bust I've ever seen." Leo advises him not to retry the cases. Sam says that he's not -- he's just reading the material he's supposed to read and making the recommendations he's supposed to make. He adds, "The guy was tried in Spain and found guilty of a crime he was obviously too stupid to commit." Leo says, "Sam...go home, would ya?" Sam insists that he's just going to change his shirt. Leo: "You look bad. You're tired, you slept in the office, it's Friday...go home." Sam: "Why?" Leo: "Because I think you're putting too much faith in the magical powers of a new shirt." Leo mentions that Josh told him what happened with Sam's parents. Sam's expression is mostly one of disillusionment. Leo goes on to say that his father had affairs. Sam: "Did he? My father didn't pick up a cocktail waitress, Leo. He's had a woman in an apartment in Santa Monica..." Leo: "Yeah?" Sam: "...For twenty-eight years." Leo wonders how his father got caught. Sam responds, "My father, it turns out, is stupider than the guy in Spain. So the real question is, how did he not get caught until now?" Leo acknowledges this: "Yeah." Sam leaves, saying that he'll see Leo at the staff meeting later.
Leo follows Sam out into the hall (the walls of which are a beautiful golden yellow colour that I love) and asks him when he found out. Sam says that it was Tuesday. Leo asks, "You slept here the last three nights?" Sam says he didn't. Leo tells him again to go home. Sam says he's going to check the final OPA list: "In fact, I'll be checking it twice...see who's been naughty, see who's been nice." Leo says, "Sam..." Sam shrugs, "Life goes on, Leo. Certainly the federal government does, so...thanks. But let's drop it, okay?" Leo agrees. Sam changes the subject: "They're expecting trouble at the National Geographic Society?" Leo admits that he has no explanation for it. Sam: "Well, those little postcards they stick in the subscription magazines drive me out of my mind, so maybe..." Leo: "Yeah." Sam walks toward his office, past Ginger; she's on the phone to someone telling them it's 6:35 AM and that she's opened the Communications Office. Credits.
Later that same morning, Leo's standing at the doorway of Josh's office, as Josh gets himself organized. Josh says, "It's a good speech." Leo says, "The Andrew Jackson speech?" Josh says yeah. Leo agrees that it is. Josh says, "And it gets better every year, but..." Leo: "What?" Josh: "You're not gonna give it, right?" Leo says he is, because it's Big Block of Cheese Day. Woohoo! Josh points out that they all know it's Big Block of Cheese Day, and that they know why it's called Big Block of Cheese Day, so there's really no need for the speech. Leo counters, "Except it wouldn't be Big Block of Cheese Day without the speech, now, would it?" Josh: "Well, let's find out -- maybe it would." Leo asks Josh how he got to work this morning; Josh says he walked. Leo asks what it's like out there; Josh says it's pretty loud.
As he and Josh walk toward the meeting, Leo mentions that World Policy Studies is holding a forum this morning and that he's sending Toby. Josh thinks that's a good idea, mainly because it means Leo's not sending him. Leo seems to get really annoyed, but before he can say anything, Josh says, "Look, Leo, the World Bank and the WTO are international organizations of which the U.S. is one member. Why isn't Switzerland the one?" Leo responds, "'Cause they're not protesting in Switzerland, they're protesting on Eighteenth Street, and I don't want to be asked how come no one from the White House ever met with them." Josh thinks that sounds reasonable. Leo: "I can't tell you how relieved I am to have your approval on that." Josh: "But you're still going to do the speech." As they reach the door of the meeting room, Leo stops and says, "Got to! A little thing called team morale, Josh. You gotta make people feel good about themselves."
As he and Josh enter the noisy, staff-filled room, Leo says, "All right! Shut the hell up, everybody. I've fired more people than you before breakfast." Everybody shuts the hell up. As Margaret hands out assignments, Leo launches into the Andrew Jackson speech, which is met with mild groaning. Leo is explaining that Andrew Jackson kept a big, huge block of cheese in the White House main foyer (which he, like way too many Americans and too many Canadians, pronounces to rhyme with "lawyer," which it really should not). C.J. interrupts to ask who made these assignments. Leo suggests that things will go faster if he's not interrupted, but C.J. is complaining about having to meet with a group called Cartographers for Social Equality, and would like to know what mapmakers have to do with social equality. ["Glark would like me to mention that he correctly predicted what the cartographers would have to do with social equality." -- Wing Chun] Leo guesses that she's about to find out. C.J. replies, "Well, probably not, because I won't really be listening to them." Leo returns to the hugeness of the block of cheese, but someone else -- part of the pair that I believe is "Larry and Ed," except I can't remember which one's Larry and which one's Ed -- interrupts to offer to trade his meeting (with NIH representatives seeking funding for research on cancer treatment involving shark cartilage) for C.J.'s meeting (with the mapmakers). The other half of the Larry/Ed pair offers to take the NIH off his hands in exchange for his meeting with Citizens for D.C. Statehood. (Yeah, that's all we need.) The first guy says to forget it. Donna mentions that she has the Kemps-Ridley Sea Turtle Society, but that she's keeping it. Leo says, "You're all keeping it! I'm sure Margaret worked long and hard to make sure the appropriate petitioner went to the appropriate staffer." Margaret, standing behind Leo, shakes her head "no," but when Leo turns to look at her for affirmation, probably wondering why she's silent since she so rarely is at these moments, she starts nodding to Leo. He carries on the speech: "The block of cheese was two tons, and was there for any and all who might be hungry..."
Just then Toby arrives, apologizing for being "waylaid." C.J. skeptically asks, "By what?" Toby replies, "By 30,000 tourists." Larry or Ed says, "You know, the protesters." As Toby takes off his coat, he objects, "No, I don't call them protesters. I've seen better organized crowds at the DMV." Leo: "Two tons, this block of cheese weighed..." That really is a frightening amount of cheese. I'm trying to visualize it and totally can't. Since I recently stocked up during a cheese sale, I go to the fridge to check out some actual cheese. The cheese I bought is in convenient half-pound blocks, so I'm picturing 4,000 slabs of those...damn, that's a lot of cheese. Frink starts to get in on it, always excited about calculating and measuring sizes of stuff, and warns me that it would depend on the density of the cheese, and so on...and I know where this is going, so before he can get to trying to explain to me the difference between tons and tonnes and short tons and long tons, I cut him off, saying that I don't want to know any more about it. I'd like to get this recap done before the cheese rots. Anyway, Toby continues, "In my day we knew how to protest." C.J. asks, kind of snarkily, "What day was that?" Toby: "1968?" Josh: "How the hell old were you when you were protesting?" Toby says that his sisters took him, which is met with mild smirking and tittering. Toby defensively asks whether anybody has a problem with that. Aw. That's cute. And now we know that Toby has at least three siblings -- his brother and two sisters. Leo says that nobody has a problem with that. Toby continues his rant about the protesters: "Police are always seven steps ahead of 'em! Cops know exactly where they're gonna be and what's gonna happen. You know how they know? By logging on their website. We had the underground, we had rapid response..." C.J. adds with amusement, "And by God, you were home by supper on a school night." Toby: "These people are amateurs. What's my assignment?" Leo: "Meeting with the amateurs." Toby: "Huh?" Leo explains that World Policy Studies is having a forum, and that there'll be about a hundred people. Toby asks, "Doing what?" Leo: "Listening to you conduct a free exchange of ideas." Toby asks, "Really?" Leo says that Josh thinks it's a good idea. Josh gives Toby a glimmer of a smirk. Toby replies, "Oh, well, if Josh thinks it's a good idea, then, you bet, I'll do it." Toby wants to know what else is available. C.J. offers Cartographers for Social Equality. Josh says, "So now you have two choices: meeting with an unruly mob, or meeting with lunatic mapmakers." Toby: "Or getting paid a lot more money working almost anywhere else I want." Leo indicates that Toby will have security at the forum. Toby asks, "What about press?" C.J. says, "Just wires." Toby says, "No, I mean TV." C.J. blithely says, "No cameras." Toby's surprised: "You negotiated that?" C.J. says she did. Toby still can't believe it: "They agreed to that?" C.J. says, "You want to make out with me right now, don't you?" Toby, unfazed: "Well, when don't I?" He seems to have recovered nicely from that moment in the Oval Office when she announced she was good in bed. Leo tries again: "Okay...Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of the White House, had a two-ton block of cheese...." Josh: "And a Wheat Thin™ the size of Lake Tahoe." Hee! Someone comes in and hands Donna a message; she indicates to Josh that she's leaving. Leo continues, "It was there for any and all who were hungry...it was there for the voiceless..." No doubt the cheese was a great comfort to the voiceless throngs.
Donna walks up and greets a woman named Stephanie in the hallway. They embrace warmly and Stephanie whispers to Donna that she looks great. Donna asks why she's talking so quietly; Stephanie says that she doesn't want to shout. Donna says that they can use their normal voices. Stephanie explains that she's never been in the White House; Donna says that, later tonight, she'll give Stephanie a tour. They're not allowed to give tours until 10 PM, after POTUS is out of the West Wing. Stephanie asks whether the President works until 10 PM; Donna says that he usually works later than that, but that he leaves the Oval Office then. Donna leads her toward Josh's office. Stephanie's concerned that she's gotten Donna out of something important; Donna reassures her that it was just the Big Block of Cheese Day meeting. Stephanie naturally asks about Big Block of Cheese Day; Donna explains Leo's policy of designating a day for certain senior staff members to take appointments with people or groups who wouldn't normally have the ear of the White House. Stephanie asks whether Donna was able to mention her to Sam; Donna hasn't been able to yet, and apologizes, saying that it's been a bad week for Sam. Stephanie says that it's okay, it's just that she's heard that POTUS listens to Sam Seaborn when it comes to.... She doesn't finish. Donna says, "Yeah." Donna pauses and then says, "I should have said this on the phone. I'm not that comfortable...it puts him in an awkward position if he has to say no, and something like this, if it seems like a favour...Steph, is your dad dying?" Stephanie nods slightly. Donna says, "Okay, listen. When we're in with Sam, mention what you just said before, that from everything you've heard, he's the man. He'll want to impress you and show you that he's got access to the President." Stephanie asks, "Wait a minute -- you're really getting me in to see him? It's really all right?" Donna lightly says, "Yeah. It's Big Block of Cheese Day." She picks up Josh's phone and calls someone -- Sam's assistant Cathy, I guess -- and tells her she needs some time with Sam. And we, apparently, need some time with our sponsors.
POTUS is pedeconferencing with a bunch of suits, one of whom wants him to look at the ten-year numbers for something. POTUS doesn't want to: "Have the ten-year projections ever been close to accurate?" First Suit says, "Depends on what you mean by 'close.'" POTUS: "Within a trillion dollars?" First Suit replies, "No sir, but we'd like you to take a look at them anyway." POTUS relents: "Okay, bring me the ten-year projections, a Ouija board, and a magic wand." First Suit replies, "Yes, sir." If I were that guy, I'd really bring POTUS all that stuff, but I just know First Suit is too humourless for that. POTUS dumps the suits and catches up with Charlie, asking him what's as they walk toward the Oval Office. Charlie says he needs a moment to discuss a fax from Jonathan Bartlet. Jed: "That name sounds familiar." Charlie says that he's Jed's brother. Jed: "Yes! I remember being locked in a steamer trunk." Charlie thinks that doesn't sound so bad. Jed points out, "There were actual steamers in there with me, Charlie. I was in there with seafood." ["I just want to comment here that when POTUS referred to 'actual steamers,' Glark and I thought he meant something quite different. But then, we're four." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Jed figures out that the fax is about losing the site, or at least, their first choice of site. Charlie explains that his brother's been speaking with Neda Wallin (at least I think that's what Charlie says; might have been Anita) who is counsel to the Bartlet Presidential Library Commission; it seems the proposed site violates the Historic Barn and Bridges Preservation Act. Jed prompts, "Which says...?" Charlie reads from his notes: "Requires that all non-housing farm and ranch structures built prior to 1900 be preserved by the owners unless destroyed by an act of God." Jed, looking down at the desk while writing something, asks, "What plaid flannel-wearing, cheese-eating yahoo of a milkman governor signed that idiot bill into state law?" Wait for it. Charlie wisely says nothing. Jed looks up, takes off his glasses and asks Charlie, "It was me, wasn't it?" Charlie: "Yes, sir." Jed agrees that they can go ahead with the second site. Charlie leaves to dispense with that task, but before he can get out the door, Jed changes his mind and asks Charlie to tell his brother just to hang on for a while, and he'll make a decision: "I don't know what the damn hurry is."
Sam asks Bonnie for the ten-year OMB projections. She asks, "Are those ever accurate?" He says no as she hands him a phone message. Donna and Stephanie show up and Donna introduces him to Stephanie Gault. They all go into Sam's office, where Donna explains that she and Stephanie went to school together, where they bonded as a result of mutual loathing for the same ex-boyfriend (Dr. Free Ride, I presume?), and that Stephanie is an associate professor of international relations at the Maxwell School. Sam asks what she's doing in town. Stephanie indicates that she advises the WTO in certain areas of macroeconomics. She adds, "So a global monetary crisis can't be very far off." Sam asks what he can do for her. Stephanie mentions that her grandfather was Daniel Gault; Sam seems somewhat surprised by this, but we can't tell yet whether he's impressed by this fact. He asks Donna whether she knows who Daniel Gault was. Donna says that he was a White House staffer in the 1940s. Sam elaborates, "He was a Special Economic Assistant to FDR, and Special Liaison to State for Eastern European Affairs." Sam kind of hesitates, and Stephanie volunteers that Donna knows the rest. Donna continues, "He was jailed for espionage and died in prison six months later." Sam clarifies that he wasn't actually jailed for espionage -- since they couldn't make that case against him -- but rather for perjury, for lying in front of HUAC (the House Un-American Activities Committee). Donna tells Sam that Stephanie would like her grandfather to be included on the list of people being considered for a Presidential pardon. Stephanie gives him her "you have the ear of the President" pitch. Sam looks vaguely uncomfortable. He points out, "It's impossible to demonstrate remorse since he's no longer alive. Demonstrating his innocence is extremely complicated." Stephanie agrees with that, but says that Sam has already done it. Sam's puzzled. Stephanie claims that Sam has already demonstrated his innocence, in an extraordinarily compelling way, and has eloquently argued for his being pardoned. Sam seems to have no recollection of this, and asks when he did that, as Stephanie pulls out a thick document and puts it in front of him. She says, "At Princeton. For twenty-three pages in the middle of your thesis." Sam seems quite uncomfortable and looks at the document, and not her, as he asks where she got it. Stephanie says he sent it to her father. Sam says he did. Stephanie says, "I know it doesn't seem there should be much of a rush about getting a pardon for someone who's been dead for fifty years, but time has become a factor." Sam figures out that her father's sick. Sam suddenly asks whether Donna and Stephanie want to go to the mess and get some coffee. They all troop off.
Toby's in the back of the car being driven to the site of the World Policy Studies meeting. He's reading the paper and whistling as we see him driving past lots of shouting protesters. A cop comes up to the window, and Toby tells him his name; the guard radios the name to another cop who's waiting by the door. When Toby enters the building, still whistling nonchalantly, she introduces herself as Rhonda Sachs. She's played by Roma Maffia, which strikes me as a name that can't be all that easy to bear through one's life. She says that they've asked her to make sure he goes home in one piece. Toby: "How many different ways do you know to kill a man?" Rhonda: "How many different ways do I need?" Toby: "I like you." She thanks him; he tells her it's going to be a day at the beach.
Back at the mess, Sam's explaining the pardon procedure to Stephanie, and mentions that it can be a drawn-out process. He says he's going to speak to someone from the Justice Department today, but Stephanie seems concerned when Sam says it's going to be someone from the FBI. He says he won't start in on something like this without giving them a heads up. Stephanie says that her father requested her grandfather's FBI file in the 1970s and was denied. He then sued under the Freedom of Information Act, and the judge ruled that the file could not be completely disclosed, since it met the conditions for three of the nine exemptions allowed. Sam cites the exemptions: National Defense and Foreign Relations Information; Internal Agency Rules and Practices; and Personal Privacy. Stephanie insists that it's because the FBI is just embarrassed about that period of history. Sam agrees, and points out that's why he has to give them a heads up. He makes sure Donna knows how to get in touch with her later. He gets up to leave and refers again to how much time this process could take, and Stephanie says she understands, but just wants to be able to give her father some good news: "He's a sweet man in a bowtie, Sam. His father...he's been trying for so long to..." Sam gets it. Sam leaves, and Josh, who was sitting at a nearby table, follows him out. Josh greets Stephanie and Donna as he passes. Donna reminds Josh about something he has to do in five minutes. As Sam reaches the door, Stephanie thanks him.
Out in the hall, Josh tells Sam that he appreciates his working on the Gault thing. Sam says that he'll give the Bureau a heads up; they agree that the FBI won't be happy about it. Josh asks, "Did you know Lincoln signed a pardon on the day he was assassinated?" Sam knows. Josh asks whether he knows the guy's name: Sam does. it was Patrick Murphy. Josh: "Do you know what he was pardoned for?" Sam: "Being a Union deserter." Josh: "Am I annoying you?" Sam: "A little bit, yeah." Josh says that he's trying to make Sam laugh. Sam appreciates it. He asks whether he may see Josh's friend at the FBI; Josh says sure, and asks if he can let his friend know why. Sam says he can. As they part ways, Josh suggests that if Sam wants to have a lot of fun, he should sit in on C.J.'s meeting with the Cartographers for Social Equality. Sam asks, "Where's the social inequality in cartography?" Josh replies, "I don't know, that's why I'm going." Sam reminds Josh to call the guy, and thanks Josh. As Sam walks away, Josh asks, "Is that a new shirt?" Sam says it is. Josh says, "Nice." It's a pretty nondescript white shirt, so I'm not sure why Josh would particularly notice it, especially when he barely noticed Donna in a tight red dress a few months back. I suppose I can ponder that during the commercials.
Toby and Rhonda are on a small stage at the front of a room full of protesters. There's general pandemonium; people are shouting and bickering and waving signs. Toby says over the din, "Fire your gun." Rhonda replies, "I can't fire a warning shot indoors." Toby: "No, I mean fire at them." She gives him a look and he says, "Just kidding." He hasn't bothered to take his coat off. He walks down a few steps toward one guy and says, "Hey, Solzhenitsyn? You the group leader?" The guy comes over and says he is, and gives his name as Terry Webber. Toby takes his elbow and walks him up the stairs, saying, "You know what you did today that was really stupid? You gave away the cameras. With cameras in here, I've got a problem, because I don't want to look like I can't control the crowd. Without the cameras, I can sit here and read the Sports section for two hours and walk outside and say we talked. So, you guys want to talk, that's fine, but you're in charge of crowd control." He pats him on the shoulder. Terry takes the receiver of his megaphone and tells the crowd to listen up. They sort of do. This guy could take some lessons from Leo. Toby tries to use the mike at the podium but, naturally, it's not working. Toby raises his voice and greets the crowd, introducing himself as the White House Communications Director and a Senior Domestic Policy Advisor to the President. Immediately protestors start heckling and yelling and chanting "Global justice now!" Toby looks resigned and spread his arms in a gesture of, "How am I supposed to talk to you?" He walks past Rhonda, asking if she wants to order pizza now, and takes a seat at the side of the stage. He puts his feet up and reads the paper.
Sam's at the FBI. He says he's there to see Special Agents Scully and Mulder. The receptionist pretends not to know anything about their whereabouts. Sam flips out and accuses her of being one of Cancerman's minions...wait, no, I've slipped onto a parallel track. Sam actually asks for Special Agent Casper. She has no record of Sam's appointment, but some guy down the hall chatting to another guy turns and calls to Sam.
Sam goes to the guy's office and says, "How you doing, Mike?" as Casper the Unfriendly Agent closes the door and ignores the question. Mike lays into him right away: "Just requesting the file on Daniel Gault is so wildly outside the parameters of your authority as a political appointee..." Sam insists that they've got things wrong and that they know it. Mike, naturally, disagrees. Sam says that he gave the heads up as a courtesy, and that he doesn't need the FBI's permission to go to the OPA, or to tell the press why he did. Mike reminds him that Gault served six months for a capital crime. Sam says that he did six months for perjury, before "vexingly dying of a heart attack." Mike asks, "You know why?" Sam replies, "Because the prosecutor couldn't make espionage." Mike agrees. Sam comments, "Why do you suppose that was?" Mike says he knows it was because the U.S. Attorney blew it. Sam reminds him that twelve jurors said otherwise. Mike says that Gault was named by Joe McCarthy; Sam interrupts, "'The Twenty Years of Treason?'" Mike says, "Yes, which was called at the time 'a conspiracy on a scale so immense as to dwarf any venture in the history of man." Sam remarks, "Somebody wake me up from this, because I think you just deputized Joe McCarthy into your argument." Mike tries to continue making his point, but Sam asks, "You know who else was on that list? General George Marshall, author of the Marshall Plan and mentor to Eisenhower. Of course, that was after he won World War II." Mike interjects, "We made more than we missed." Sam continues: "Owen Lattimore, I.F. Stone..." Mike: "Not everybody at State was wrongly accused." Sam: "You guys rounded up some pretty dangerous TV comedy writers, too." Too bad they didn't get whoever's responsible for Punky Brewster and ALF. Sam carries on, "Ring Lardner just died. How many years does he get back?" Mike's losing patience: "Sam, listen to me. The Bureau's had moments in its past that it's not proud of. I bet if we comb through the fine print of history, we might be able to find one or two occupants of the Oval Office who could say the same thing." Burn. "But the difference is, our failures are public and our successes are private. So when we apprehend an enemy of the state, like, say, a fugitive member of West Virginia White Pride, we don't take a curtain call on Sunday with Sam and Cokie. When we learned it wasn't the Secret Service who ordered the canopy down at Rosslyn, we kept it to ourselves." Sam replies, "Please, God, Mike, please tell me you weren't just threatening Toby Ziegler." Because Sam will have to bust you like a piñata, dude. ["Or have C.J. do it, because she could get the job done with her baby finger, and we've already seen her do it so many times." -- Wing Chun] Mike says he wasn't. Sam concludes that, "Anyway, 'because the Bureau will be embarrassed' isn't a good enough reason. I'm putting Daniel Gault on the list. I just wanted to give you a heads up." He gets up to leave. Mike asks if there's anything else. Sam says no and walks out. Mike picks up the phone and calls somebody, probably Krycek. ["Please don't let anyone say 'heads up' ever again. It's so clichéd." -- Wing Chun]
Back at the White House, C.J. comes in for her meeting with cartographers. There are three of them, setting up their presentation in the Briefing Room. One of them has been on The X-Files, making it more difficult for me to stay on track here. C.J. apologizes for being late, and the cartographers introduce themselves as Dr. John Fallow, Dr. Cynthia Sayles, and Professor Donald Huke. They inform C.J. that the group actually has over 4300 dues-paying members. C.J. suggests that they start, when Josh comes in from the back of the room, asking them to wait for him. C.J. introduces Josh. Dr. Fallow's the ringleader, and explains that their wish is for POTUS to aggressively support legislation that would make it mandatory for public schools to use maps with the Peters Projection instead of the much more commonly used Mercator projection. Josh says, "Give me 200 bucks and it's done." Professor Huke says, "Really?" C.J. says no, and asks why they're changing maps. Dr. Sayles explains, "Because, C.J., the Mercator projection has fostered European imperialist attitudes for centuries and created an ethnic bias against the Third World." ["Which is what Glark told me earlier in the episode, when he guessed this story line. He really was so proud of himself; I was pretty impressed, too." -- Wing Chun] C.J.: "Really?" Dr. Fallow continues, "The German cartographer, Mercator, originally designed this map in 1569 as a navigational tool for European sailors." So you can see how it would continue to have a lot of relevance in the current era. They have a slide of this map up on the screen. Professor Huke elaborates, "The map enlarges areas at the poles to create straight lines of constant bearing or geographic direction." Dr. Sayles: "So it makes it easier to cross an ocean." Dr. Fallow: "But: it distorts the relative size of nations and continents." C.J. looks doubtful as she asks, "Are you saying the map is wrong?" Dr. Fallow replies, "Oh dear, yes." He directs her to look at Greenland, and then Africa. He states that the two land masses appear to be roughly the same size. C.J. agrees with that. He asks, "Would it blow your mind if I told you that Africa is in reality, fourteen times larger?" The presentation has a simple animation showing Greenland becoming its actual size relative to Africa. Josh uncrosses his legs and kind of nudges C.J. with his left knee. She kind of brushes his leg away without taking her eyes away from the presenters, and says, "Yes." Dr. Sayles goes on to another slide, saying, "Here we have Europe drawn considerably larger than South America, when at 6.9 million square miles, South America is almost double the size of Europe's 3.8 million." Professor Huke: "Alaska appears three times as large as Mexico, when Mexico is larger by 0.1 million square miles." C.J.'s riveted, and even Josh seems to be giving his full attention. Dr. Sayles points out, "Germany appears in the middle of the map, when it's in the northernmost quarter of the Earth." Josh can't let that go by: "Wait. Relative size is one thing, but you're telling me Germany isn't where we think it is?" Dr. Fallow is almost gleeful as tells Josh, "Nothing's where you think it is." C.J.: "Where is it?" Dr. Fallow is glad she asked. They put up a slide of the Peters Projection. Both C.J. and Josh lean forward, intrigued. Dr. Sayles: "It has fidelity of axis." Huke: "Fidelity of position." Sayles: "East-west lines are parallel, and intersect northbound axes at right angles." C.J. points at the slide and inquires, "What the hell is that?" Fallow: "It's where you've been living this whole time. Should we continue?" Josh makes an ambivalent gesture but C.J. says, "Uh-huh." ["I have to ask: what's wrong with a globe?" -- Wing Chun]
Back at Pandemonium Central, Terry Webber is trying to convince the protestors to give Toby a chance to talk. However, lacking the sort of leadership ability exhibited by the likes of Leo and POTUS, he's not meeting with much success. Toby's still sitting with is feet up, reading the paper. Rhonda asks, "You're having a pretty good time, aren't you?" Toby replies, "Well, it's not like being at a Yankee game." He regards the crowd as someone yells, "You suck!" and he kinds of chuckles, saying, "Well, actually...yeah, it's like being at a Yankee game." Rhonda asks him to explain what all the fuss is about. Toby says it's about the WTO. She points out that she's gotten as much from the signs and newspapers. Toby explains, "The World Trade Organization's a group of 140 countries who have agreed to specific trade policies." She wonders what's wrong with that; Toby says that nothing is wrong with that. She gestures to the crowd, "What would they say if I asked them the same question?" Toby: "They'd say the WTO benefits corporations and not people." Rhonda: "Does it?" Toby says it benefits both. He looks at the mob and calls them Philistines. Rhonda says, "Take my night stick and go kick their ass." For some reason these two have a ridiculous amount of chemistry. ["I didn't agree, but I did think the producers wanted to make it look that way and that he'd end the episode by asking her out or some ridiculous thing." -- Wing Chun] Toby says, "Yeah, make all the jokes you want, but let me tell you something, they claim to speak for the underprivileged, but here in the blackest city in America, I'm looking at a room with no black faces, no Asians, no Hispanics. Where the hell's the Third World they claim to represent?" Good point. Rhonda, slyly: "Lotta Third-Worlders in the Cabinet Room today, were there?" Even better point, and may I say, burn! We love Rhonda. Toby amiably says, "You're starting to bother me." Rhonda, smiling: "That's 'cause I'm armed." Toby: "No, I like that." Cripes, I need a cool drink here. Forget Toby and C.J. Wait, I can't believe I just said that. ["Me neither. You're fired." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Toby says he's going outside. Rhonda follows him.
Sam returns to the White House after his visit to the FBI and runs into Charlie. He asks Charlie what's going on; Charlie mentions that POTUS lost his first choice for the site for the Presidential Library. Sam says they'll find another site. Charlie says POTUS is in a bit of a mood. Sam doesn't think that they should be talking to him about a library already: "We're not going anywhere for a few years, right?" Charlie thinks that's what put POTUS in his mood. Charlie splits as Sam arrives at his office, where Ginger is waiting for him with a phone message. He doesn't look at it, but asks her to do him a favour and hold the calls, saying that he's going to lie down for a while in Toby's office. Ginger tells him it was the National Security Advisor who called. Sam looks somewhat distraught.
Over in the Situation Room, NSA Nancy McNally is on the phone. She's in the large room by herself. She's debating something to do with force protection versus "the readiness issue." Someone in a uniform shows Sam in. Nancy covers the mouthpiece and complains to Sam, "I'm the only woman on a conference call. Delaney can't tell when it's me talking. Do I have a bizarrely androgynous voice?" She goes back to the call and excuses herself from it for a few minutes. She nicely asks Sam how he's doing, then cuts to the chase: "Drop Daniel Gault. Drop Daniel Gault, do it right now." Sam: "Why?" Nancy: "'Cause I just told you to." Sam wearily says, "Nancy, I'm a lawyer. Let's let reason and logic have its [sic] moment. There was one witness -- Earl Lydecker, a low-level State Department staffer, who confessed to FBI counterintelligence officers that he and Gault had conspired to send U.S. economic analysis documents to Soviet agents at the Russian embassy." Nancy knows this, naturally. Sam continues, "He confessed, by the way, for no particular reason. It was subsequently demonstrated that Lydecker was a clinically diagnosed manic-depressive with a history of -- wait for it -- institutionalization. This was the chief witness for the prosecution. According to..." Nancy knows all that too, and tries to save Sam a bit of time but interrupting with her point, but Sam -- never one to let his head govern his behaviour once his heart is sufficiently stirred -- says, almost sharply, "Excuse me, please. According to retired KGB colonel Oleg Prosorov, a search of the files in Lubyanka reveals only one reference to Gault: that he was approached in 1943 and labelled 'highly unco-operative' and a 'poor prospect for recruitment.'" Nancy firmly says, "Sam, Daniel Gault was a spy." Sam's totally impatient and says, "Oh my God..." Nancy insists he was a Soviet spy. Sam demands, "Based on what?" Nancy says, "Diplomatic cables intercepted by U.S. Army Signal intelligence in the 1940s." Sam wants to know, if that's true, why couldn't the U.S. Attorney make the espionage case in the 1950s? Nancy says it's because the cables weren't decrypted until the 1970s. Sam skeptically says, "You're telling me we cracked some obscure Russian code and suddenly we learned Gault was a spy?" Nancy says yes. Sam confidently says, "That's crap! If the FBI had proof on Gault they would have told the world about it." Nancy, calm and professional, insists they wouldn't have, and neither would the NSA or the CIA: "You don't show someone you've broken their ciphers unless you have to. Gault was long dead. But before he was, he was an agent called Blackwater. He was a delegate at Yalta, and he returned to the U.S. by way of Rostov where he was ordered the Order of Lenin." Sam must be really tired or really distracted or something, because he seems not to realize who he's speaking to: "Yeah, well, I'll believe that when they show me the file." Nancy expressions is a mixture of mild irritation and disappointment as she turns and picks up a big fat file the size of a large city phone book and puts it in front of Sam. He stares at it and says, "That's not an FBI file." Nancy says it's an NSA file. Sam states, "Nancy, I'm classified but I don't have code-word clearance." She knows. Sam adds, "I'm saying, I'm not allowed to see that, and you could get into trouble for showing it to me." She states that she could go to jail for showing it to him and mentions that she's obviously not going to do that. Nancy, opening the file, says that she has gone through the file and blacked out any lateral reference that is code-word classified, and nothing else. She adds that the censored sections are irrelevant to his question anyway. Sam lowers his eyes to the page, obviously knowing at this point that he's wrong and, moreover, way out of line. Nancy says, "Look at me." He does. "Do you believe me?" He does. As Sam reads the file, she goes back to her conference call. It certainly has been a disillusioning week for our Sammy.
After some commercials, it's back to Josh and C.J. and the cartographers. Dr. Fallow says, "So...you're probably wondering what all this has to do with social equality." C.J. says, "No, I'm wondering where France is." Josh, I guess, has lost interest, because he tries to end the meeting, but C.J. firmly tells him they're going to finish this. Professor Huke says, "Salvatore Natoli of the National Council for Social Studies argues, 'In our society we unconsciously equate size with importance, and even power.'" Josh looks at C.J.; she doesn't say anything but gives him an expression of reluctant confirmation, with a minimal nod. Josh looks like he's heard enough and says he's going to go check in on Toby. She tells him to go. He says to C.J., "These guys find Brigadoon on that map, you'll call me, right?" C.J. says, "Probably not." Josh says okay and leaves. Fallow resumes his point: "When Third World countries are misrepresented, they're likely to be valued less. When Mercator maps exaggerate the importance of Western civilization, when the top of the map is given to the northern hemisphere and the bottom is given to the southern...then people will tend to adopt top and bottom attitudes." C.J.'s pretty puzzled now: "But...wait...how...where else could you put the northern hemisphere but on top?" Sayles says, "On the bottom." C.J. asks how. Fallow says, "Like this," and clicks to the slide, which flips the Peters Projection. C.J. protests, "Yeah, but you can't do that." Fallow asks why not. C.J.: "'Cause it's freaking me out." Frink and I are practically cheering at this point. Despite my frequently acknowledged problems with geography, I have always been fascinated with maps and particularly with "alternative" (i.e., much more accurate) projections (and there are thousands of such projections). If anyone cares, my favourites are the Peters Projection and the Dymaxion Projection. Though some of the posters on the forums mention that they were taught with the Peters Projection, I believe the great majority of North Americans (and probably Westerners, at that) have been taught the Mercator projection, and it's reinforced all the time in the media. I've never seen a mainstream news outlet use a non-Mercator projection to accompany a story. ["Glark was a Geography major in university and was given to understand that the Mercator wasn't widely used in schools anymore -- at least, not in forward-thinking Canada. Again, I have to ask what's so wrong with a globe." -- Wing Chun] I totally salute Aaron Sorkin for featuring this issue, which is a huge pet peeve of mine, in a sweeps episode of a top-rated prime-time show. I'll consider it a one-day-late birthday present.
Back at the WTO protest, Toby's outside having a cigar and complaining to Rhonda. "It's activist vacation, is what it is. Spring break for anarchist wannabes. The black t-shirts, the gas masks as fashion accessories." ["I agree -- they're probably all bused in from Vancouver, the damn dirty hippies." -- Wing Chun] Rhonda concurs: "These kids today, with the hair, and the clothes..." Toby replies, "All right, that's it, Flatfoot." She says she's got great feet. He starts telling her the benefits of free trade: food is cheaper, clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper, phone service is cheaper. He asks, "You feel me building a rhythm here? That's because I'm a speechwriter and I know how to make a point." Rhonda tries to say something but Toby's rambling on: "It lowers prices, it raises income. You see what I did with 'lowers' and 'raises' there? It's called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did floating opposites, and now you end with the one that's not like the others. Ready? Free trade stops wars. And that's it." He repeats a little louder, "Free trade stops wars!" He pauses. "And we figure out a way to fix the rest. One world, one peace. I'm sure I've seen that on a sign somewhere." He takes another puff on his cigar and Rhonda says, "God, Toby. Wouldn't it be great if there were someone around here with communication skills who could go in there and tell them that?" He says, "Shut up." Just then, Josh comes up, telling Toby that he just came down to see how it was going. Josh introduces himself to Rhonda and asks whether there's been any trouble. She says there hasn't been. Toby announces, "Josh. The WTO is undemocratic and accountable to no one, decisions are made by Executive Directors and the developing world has little to say about institutional policy." Josh, puzzled, asks, "What was that?" Toby says, "I protested to you," and kind of raises his fist beside his shoulder in a vague protest gesture. Josh asks why. Toby replies, "Because I'm not allowed to get arrested anymore." Josh suggests they go back. Toby-Wan Kenobi sighs and says, "No...I hate these people with the heat of a nova, but here I go." He pitches his cigar aside (on the ground, it would appear) and goes back into the building, Rhonda and Josh on his tail. Rhonda says, "Attaboy!" Toby tells her to shut up again. She says, "I got your back, man, you know. Or not."
It's dark and POTUS is working in the Oval Office. He calls Charlie in and suggests that they do phone calls in the Residence. Just then, Leo pops in and Jed tells him he's going to head home. Leo's surprised: "At 7:30?" Jed says he'll make calls from the Residence. Leo wonders whether he's feeling all right. Jed says he is. Leo mentions the loss of the site, and asks what the backup is. Jed replies, "Well, there's this wooded land on the Connecticut River, but the Abenaki Indians are claiming it's an ancient burial ground. There's a magnificent bluff overlooking an orchard in Orford and the owner is willing, if not eager, to donate the land." Leo: "What's the problem?" Jed: "The owner's doing forty months at Allenwood for securities fraud." Maybe he could trade the land for a Presidential pardon. Leo assures him he'll find a site. Jed asks, "This is how long I get before I have to start with the library? Two years? And the first six months was figuring out how to work the phones. Oh, by the way, they've changed the phones again." Leo knows. Jed says, "This is the last job I'm ever gonna have. This is the last time I'm going to come to work with people. I swear to God, I feel like I was just starting to get good at it." As Jed puts on his jacket, Leo says, "Well, it's two years, with an option for four more..." POTUS doesn't say anything to that and Leo asks very seriously, "Mr. President, is there anything we need to talk about?" Jed responds, "Not yet, okay?" Leo says okay. Jed leaves.
Someone's pitching sugar packets into a big empty stockpot. It's Sam, of course, sitting alone in the mess (literally and figuratively, I guess). Donna comes looking for him, asking where he's been all afternoon. He says he's been around: "Then I came down here to practice my sugar-tossing. Because if you don't, you might as well give the clarinet to a kid who needs it." Um, whatever. ['I thought that was a lapse, like the one that is to come, to indicate he's fixating on his parents, like that's something they told him about his own clarinet at some point." -- Wing Chun] Donna tells him Stephanie's upstairs. Without looking at Donna, Sam asks whether she was the one who told Stephanie to give him all that jazz about having the ear of the President. Donna babbles a couple of excuses but finally says she was, and apologizes. Sam says, "I don't know why you'd think I was like that. I mean, for fun, but...I don't know why you'd think I was like that." Donna says, "It was wrong." Sam agrees. Donna then asks, "Were you able to..." Sam cuts her off: "He was a spy." Donna: "You're sure?" Sam starts telling her some of the details, and Donna shakes her head saying, "Sam...you can't tell her. You have to tell her something else." He gets up and keeps citing examples of Gault's espionage as Donna keeps objecting. He finally says, "What are you, out of your mind? I'm telling her right now."
Sam hustles off to his office with Donna hot on his heels. Sam keeps ranting about Gault's treason as Donna chases him, saying he can't do this and asking him to stop walking. She says, "Nothing good comes from telling her!" Sam: "The truth isn't good?" Donna points out that Stephanie's father isn't going to live another three months and that Sam should just let it go until then. Sam objects, "I'm not her fairy godmother! She asked me to look into it!" They keep arguing until Donna says, "Listen to me! You're in a bad place right now and you shouldn't make this decision. If you don't tell her tonight you can tell her tomorrow. If you tell her tonight, that's it. It was people pushing paper around fifty years ago! Why does it matter?" Sam says, "It was high treason, and it mattered a great deal. This country is an idea, and one that's lit the world for two centuries, and treason against that idea is not just a crime against the living! This ground holds the graves of people who died for it, who gave what Lincoln called the 'last full measure of devotion, of fidelity.' Do you understand the last full measure of devotion to...treason against them is..." Sam's getting choked up. Donna says his name very quietly. Sam tells her, "There was a translator in the Hungarian trade mission named Shaba Demsky. She was murdered in 1952. She was about to reveal the name of a Soviet agent called Blackwater. This girl's going to find out who her father was." Donna follows Sam up the stairs and says, "Sam...you meant 'grandfather.'" Sam hesitates, thinking about that, but then goes charging off to his office.
When Sam walks in, Stephanie stands up and says, "Tell me there's good news." Sam asks, "You ever heard of a woman named Shaba Demsky?" She hasn't. Sam just kind of gazes at Stephanie; Donna appears at the doorway behind her. Sam finally says, "I'm sorry, Stephanie, I wasn't able to get access to the people I needed to have it considered this time around. Why don't you tell your father you'll be able to try again in three months?" Stephanie says, "So...you're open to it?" Sam says, "Absolutely." Stephanie exhales in relief: "That's all he needed. That's all I needed." She turns and sees Donna, and asks, "Did you hear?" Donna suggests calling her father right now. Stephanie turns back to Sam and says, "Everyone was right about you, Sam." Donna concurs: "Sam's the man." Stephanie leaves. Sam has a very "lost little boy" look on his face, and is about a nanosecond from tears. Donna walks up and throws her arms around Sam. Sam whispers, "It's just that there are certain things you're sure of...like longitude and latitude." Donna, still hugging him, responds, "Sam...I don't know if this is the best time to tell you, but according to C.J., I wouldn't be so sure about longitude and latitude." Donna's shoulder and hair are kind of obscuring Sam's face, but we can see him start to smile. She lets go of him and he is smiling.
Josh comes up at this moment and says, "Hey...you should have seen Toby." Sam asks, "He was good?" Josh says, "He blew the doors off the place. Then...I almost got killed." Sam asks how. Josh says he got hit with a piece of a banana. Toby arrives and says, "Let's go!" Josh turns to him: "You know what you are? You are old school, my friend." Toby says, "Stop talking like that. Let's go." Josh: "Let me tell you something else: that was the second time this year I almost got killed, and both times I was with you, so you're gonna need a new wingman." Toby: "You were my old wingman?" Josh says he is. Toby repeats, "Let's go." Donna asks where they're going; Josh says they're going to get Sam drunk and then put him to bed. Donna's into it: "I'll come." Josh tries to hustle Sam along, but Sam says he'll meet them there. Josh seems doubtful, but takes his word for it. The instrumental part of "New York Minute" has been playing for a while, and as Sam closes his door and dials the phone, we hear the lyrics begin.
Lying here in the darkness
I hear the sirens wail
Somebody going to emergency
Somebody going to jail
If you find somebody to love in this world
You better hang on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door
Sam: "Dad? It's me."
In a New York minute
Everything can change
In a New York minute
Things can get a little strange
In a New York minute
Everything can change
In a New York minute