Previously on the West Wing: Charlie appeased Zoey with flowers; POTUS told Zoey he's increasing her protection; POTUS met Zoey's new Secret Service agent, Gina; inbred teenage cretins glowered at Zoey and Gina in California; Mallory asked Sam out; FLOTUS accused Mallory of having an itch for Sam; Sam and Toby were in charge of the confirmation of Roberto Mendoza for a seat on the Supreme Court; Toby assured Judge Mendoza that the confirmation will be an excruciating battle, but one which he has no intention of losing.
It's Thursday, 9:45 PM at the White House. A large crowd of people are in what I think is the Mural Room, watching a Senate vote on television. It is, at long last, the Mendoza confirmation vote. Although the voting has just begun, Bonnie is getting ready to pour the champagne when Toby shows up and proceeds to poop all over that party. Toby orders her to put the champagne down; Bonnie objects but complies. Toby asks for everyone's attention and reminds everyone that they have to get at least fifty-one votes for Mendoza to be confirmed. Toby bellows, "Fifty-one yea votes is what we see on these screens before one drop of wine is swallowed, because there's a little thing called what, Bonnie?" Bonnie dutifully answers, "Tempting fate." "Tempting fate is what's called," affirms Toby, as he begins gathering up all the empty wine glasses. Toby proceeds to explain that he's aged forty-eight years in the three months since Mendoza became his problem and that this is his day of jubilee and he will not have it screwed up by tempting fate. "These things take patience. These things take skill. These things take luck. In the fifteen months we've been in office what kind of luck have we had, Ginger?" Ginger replies, "Bad luck." Toby asks, "What kind of luck?" Ginger: "Very bad luck." Toby repeats that, and, glowering a little less, asks, "Where's Josh?"
Over in Josh's area, Donna is hustling into Josh's office to let him know that they have to go, and that they're already at nineteen yea votes. Josh is puzzling over a badly handwritten message from Donna indicating that Mandy wants to talk to him about a banana bar. Donna clarifies that it says "panda bear"; Josh is incredulous and asks Donna to confirm that certain of the letters she wrote are what she claims they are, which she does. He rubs his forehead and says, "You know what would be helpful? If you could just show me where one word ends and the one begins." They start walking toward the Mural Room as Josh wonders whether Donna got the message right, since he can't imagine why Mandy would want to talk to him about a panda bear. Donna gets Josh to admit that she's never gotten a message wrong, and that therefore giving her the benefit of the doubt "might not be monumentally out of line." Josh is unclear about what a panda is; he thinks it's a little Australian thing that eats the bark off the koala tree. Koala tree? I think you mean eucalyptus. I'm amazed that he's confused about this, but whatever. ["Especially since, even now that they're both dead, the pandas at the National Zoo are still a regular topic on the news." -- Strega] ["Plus who doesn't know that koalas aren't even bears?" -- Wing Chun] Donna tells him that's a koala bear; Josh ventures that a panda is "the other one." Donna can't believe Josh doesn't know the difference either, at which point Josh snipes at her that someone who hasn't "mastered the alphabet" shouldn't be criticizing. They run into the middle of some unspecified photo op and pause for a moment until they can pass; from down the hall Mallory calls out to them. They walk toward her as Donna insists, "My penmanship is distinctive." "Your penmanship is illegible," Josh counters. Mallory asks where Sam is; Josh says he'll be watching the Mendoza confirmation. Mallory asks if Josh can believe Sam; Josh says no. Mallory continues to ramble about how "you think you know a guy" and finally realizes Josh has no clue what's she on about. She lets it drop as they reach the Mural Room. Josh bellows "To-bee!" Toby responds, "Joshua!" Josh asks for some champagne as the entire room gloomily replies, "No." Josh: "The hell?" Ginger informs Josh about the "tempting fate" issue which Josh readily accepts. Donna's still nattering about her penmanship, but I'm real tired of that conversation and will not be reporting any more of the details of it, though there are further (and even more asinine) details to come. Josh also seems tired of it and begs Donna to get Leo.
In his office, Leo is arguing with someone on the phone about the dust cover of a book, when Margaret comes in to try to hustle him along. Leo's asking someone named Sidney if they're really going to make a federal case out of a book jacket. "We're literally going to make a federal case of this?" I enjoyed the little pun in this dialogue but I strongly suspect that I'm the only viewer geeky enough to have done so. ["I did too, and so did Glark, but then we're both über-geeky." -- Wing Chun] Margaret whispers and gestures to her watch. Leo nods and continues speaking. He tells Sidney, "I'm going to bring him up here and talk to him. But I gotta say, we're about a minute and a half from closing what wasn't the easiest confirmation process in American history. So you'll understand if I'm not giddy as a schoolgirl at the thought of running once again into the warm embrace of the Senate Judiciary Committee." Sounds like fun. Margaret's still haranguing Leo and he hangs up. As they walk over to the Mural Room, Leo explains to Margaret that their appointment to a Justice post favours reparations to African-Americans. Margaret asks, "What for?" Um, how many brains might it take to figure this out? Leo indicates that the reparations are for slavery. They arrive at the Mural Room as the assembled crowd is booing some senator who just voted nay. They're applauding a yea vote as Sam arrives, bubbling about their "day of jubilee." Toby says sharply, "Not yet." Sam sees Mallory, who's been waiting by the door to buttonhole him about something. He tells her, "It's my day of jubilee." Mallory informs him, "I despise you and everything you stand for." Sam is relatively non-plussed and says, "Okay, my day was a little bit better a few seconds ago, but that's all right." Mallory wants to know how he could have written "that position paper." Sam doesn't know what she's talking about; Mallory tells him not to play dumb. Sam replies, "Honestly, I am dumb. Most of the time I'm playing smart." It turns out she is strongly considering ruining his day of jubilee by yelling at him for a position paper he wrote on school vouchers. At that moment Josh stands up yelling about the fiftieth vote. "Here we go, baby!" Leo says, "Sam, Toby, we're about to put a guy on the Supreme Court." Everyone is tense and quiet as they wait for the vote; as the number on-screen changes to fifty-one, everyone hoots and hollers and cheers and hugs. Sam yells over the din, "Toby? How about now?" Toby opens the bubbly and as it spills over the bottle, somehow I have the feeling that I achieved something, even though I didn't do a damn thing and it's only a TV show.
After the credits and commercials, including one for the Garden Claw Gold which I must have, not to mention one of the new West Side Story Gap commercials that I am loathing, we're back at the White House at 11:30 p.m that same night. Josh and Donna are chatting alone in the Mural Room, continuing the discussion about her stylish penmanship. In the midst of an (even for Donna) inane remark about Salvador Dali's penmanship, Leo arrives and asks if he's interrupting something important. With obvious relief, Josh replies, "I can't even begin to tell you how you're not." Donna scoots off to see if people are having fun in the other room. Leo tells Josh that Jeff Breckenridge, their nominee for Assistant Attorney General for Civil Rights, isn't going to sail. ["Is he related to Myra? Oh, probably not." -- Strega] Leo explains that somebody named Stadler has a problem with the fact that Breckenridge supports slavery reparations. Stadler's apparently unhappy about the fact that Breckenridge is quoted on the back of the dust jacket for a forthcoming book called The Unpaid Debt. Leo instructs Josh to talk to Breckenridge the day; Josh protests that he's not the guy for the job. In the background Leo hears people chanting C.J.'s name and wonders what that's about; Josh informs him that C.J. is going to do "The Jackal." Leo smiles and says he loves that. Josh tries to convince Leo that Toby's the guy to deal with Breckenridge, given the job he did with Mendoza. Leo says that Toby's barely alive as a result of the Mendoza confirmation. He puts a finger on Josh's chest and says, "This one's you." Leo wants to go watch "The Jackal" and wanders off, as Josh walks behind him, saying, "I'm a white guy from Connecticut." Leo: "We've met, Josh." Josh wonders if it isn't kind of a delicate subject for him to get into with a black civil-rights lawyer from Athens, Georgia. Leo replies, "Remember you're also Jewish." Josh says, "Then he's sure to love me." In the hallway they run into Cathy. Leo asks her where Sam is; she says, "In his office, fighting with your daughter." Leo tells her to get Sam to come to the press room, so he won't miss "The Jackal."
Sam and Mallory are indeed arguing in his office. She can't believe he's written a paper in support of school vouchers; Sam wants to know where she got the paper. It turns out Leo gave it to her; Sam indicates that he thinks maybe her father is trying to drive a wedge between them. Cathy sticks her head in with the "Jackal" alert. Sam says he'll be right there. Mallory complains that she thought she and Sam had something going on; Sam assures her that they do. They do? Since when? Since the non-date for the Beijing Opera five months ago? Whatever. Mallory's appalled that Sam hasn't previously expressed this heinous view on school vouchers to her. Sam's getting a little ticked off and points out that they haven't even been out on a date yet. He proceeds to razz her about grilling all her potential dates on this issue. Mallory wants him to be serious about the subject but Sam refuses, saying that he's off duty, and he and Toby spent three months putting Mendoza on the bench, and he's earned his salary and then some, and it's time to celebrate, and they haven't had a first date yet and that was supposed to be what tonight was about. He tells her that they are going to go watch C.J. do "The Jackal" and then they're going to get a late dinner, after which he may or may not kiss her goodnight. He asserts that there is something going on between them and that she's not doing a very good job on her part, so he's decided to take over. Mallory: "You're taking over?" Sam: "Yes. Let's go." Mallory: "Not much chance." Sam: "I didn't think so but you gotta give me credit for trying." Mallory takes off as Sam mutters to himself.
Over in the Press Room, some rap music is playing and everyone is cheering C.J. on. Toby is cruising around the room, puffing away on a big fat cigar. Sadly, I must now inform you all that Toby can no longer be my boyfriend, as I cannot endure tobacco smoke. I knew Richard Schiff smoked the stogies, but I was hoping Toby didn't. Strega, Wing, he's all yours. ["Sold!" -- Strega] ["D'oh! That's what I get for not editing this before Strega saw it. I hate cigar smoke too, but I can make exceptions." -- Wing Chun] C.J. is doing a very funny job of lip-synching to the song, "The Jackal" which is about a "fat black cat" with a "Ph.D in street strife." You get the idea. The routine is punctuated by Allison Janney's great laugh, which I know I have mentioned before, but it bears repeating. Allison Janney has a fantastic laugh, and I'd trade a kidney for it. She's bringing down the house. Josh ambles over to Toby and starts to tell him about the Breckenridge problem, which only serves to annoy Toby. "You're talking to me during 'The Jackal'? Never talk to me during 'The Jackal.'" Josh gets the message and goes back to mildly grooving to the music. We get to see a bit more of C.J., and then Sam arrives, and mentions to Leo that Mallory read his position paper. Leo wonders aloud about how Mallory got the paper, and Sam indicates that he knows Leo gave it to her. Leo tells Sam, "I don't mind you dating my only daughter but you can't expect me not to have some fun along the way." Sam protests that he and Mallory haven't even actually been on a date yet. Leo says with a straight face, "Well, you hang in there, son,." and then goes back to smiling at C.J.'s performance. Toby blows smoke rings, serving only to further gross me out. We get a shot of Sam doing some feeble white-boy hip-hop gesturing. I'm thinking it's a good thing this Breckenridge dude isn't at this party. Everyone applauds and cheers as C.J. finishes up with another laugh.
At Zoey's campus, Zoey and three other students are sitting in a cafeteria practicing their French. ["It's a lot better than the French that A.J. and his mom were practicing a few weeks back on Dawson's Creek." -- Wing Chun] Off to one side, Gina confers with another agent who informs her that there are some reporters out front. Gina decides to take Zoey out the back. Zoey wants to know why they can't go out the front; when Gina explains, Zoey objects that reporters aren't supposed to be allowed on campus. Gina says security is on its way, but in the meantime she leads Zoey and one of her girlfriends toward the kitchen exit. Zoey and her friend are giggling and gossiping and chattering on in French; as they enter the kitchen, a guy pops out at them pointing a tape recorder, which just seems like a really bad idea. Gina takes a split-second to push him up against the refrigerator. She identifies herself and asks him who he is; he says he's Edgar Drumm from The Charleston Citizen and that he has a question for Miss Bartlet. Bully for you, bub. Step off. Zoey and her friend are standing silently a few feet away with another agent. Why he doesn't hustle the two of them off, I have no idea. Gina tells the other agent to take Zoey to the car, and they do finally start to walk away, but Drumm provokes Zoey with a question about her "partying with drug dealers." Zoey turns around and says softly, "What the hell?" Zoey's friend, who looks familiar (I think she was recently on That 70s Show) says that David Arbour isn't a drug dealer. Drumm asks Zoey why she went to the party and she says that she was invited, and that she didn't even know David Arbour was going to be there. As Zoey and her friend march off, the friend tells Drumm he's a "real jackass." Gina warns Drumm not to ever do that again, and he cracks, "I have to say, if this is how the Secret Service behaves during the Bartlet administration, it's a sad state of affairs." Gina replies, "We're all going to have to learn to live with your disappointment."
Sam opens his door and announces that his draft is done, and it's on schedule, and "on schedule" is going to be his middle name from now on. Cathy asks what his middle name was before; Sam says that it was Norman. Samuel Norman Seaborn? I have to say, that's not a real great name. He then confers with Cathy about his schedule for that morning. She says that he's on the Hill with Brennan and Landis at noon, and rhymes off a few other meetings that afternoon. He asks her to see if she can cancel the noon meeting, because he doesn't want to go. Cathy says that's not a good enough reason. Sam says he really doesn't want to go, but Cathy says he's going. Sam accepts this and goes back into his office as Cathy informs him that he's got Mallory at eleven o'clock, which is right now. He's puzzled. Sam, do you ever look at your schedule for the day? I mean, maybe I'm just a control freak, but if I had to let someone else make my appointments, I'd be checking that thing every couple of hours, myself. Anyway, it turns out Mallory has made an appointment to harangue Sam during working hours regarding the school voucher issue. She says she didn't want to take advantage of the fact that they're dating. Sam: "We're not dating." Mallory: "That's kind of sad for you, isn't it?" He invites her into his office and glares at Cathy's back for a moment before going in after her.
Charlie comes to speak to C.J.. He says he heard she "burned down the place last night." C.J. says, "I can bring it." She wants to know what's up; Charlie says Zoey called. Charlie tells C.J. about her run-in with Edgar Drumm of The Charleston Citizen. C.J. tells him that Edgar Drumm isn't a reporter, he's a professional Bartlet-baiter, and that the The Charleston Citizen isn't a newspaper, it's a fund-raising newsletter for the radical right. She wants to know what he asked Zoey. Charlie tells her that he asked whether the President's daughter should be partying with drug dealers. C.J. asks if Zoey talked to him; Charlie only says that Gina put Zoey in the car. He tells C.J. that the thing Zoey wanted him to talk to her about is that David Arbour is a good friend of hers, and that he's not a drug dealer, and wondered if C.J. could nip that story in the bud. ["Except I think he said 'nip it in the butt,' which was just adorable." -- Wing Chun] C.J. says she could talk to a couple of people. Charlie further explains that the guy uses drugs, but doesn't deal, and that Zoey and her friends are trying to help him. Zoey was planning to give David back the car keys she had confiscated from him a week earlier. C.J. calls Carol in as Charlie mentions that David drives a Porsche. C.J. tells Carol to alert Danny that she's coming to see him. She then mentions to Charlie that she drove her boyfriend's Porsche once and backed it into a pond. Charlie says, "Lost your driving privileges?" C.J. responds, "And the boyfriend." As Charlie leaves, he remarks, "It's a good car, though." C.J. says, "Yeah."
Toby is wandering through the hallway when Margaret catches up with him and says, "Hey, Toby." Her hair is looking a little strange in this episode; it's pulled back, and I think she might be growing out her bangs. I like her hair better with bangs. Toby says, "Hey there, Margaret." Margaret is slightly taken aback and asks Toby if he's okay. Toby: "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be okay?" Margaret explains, "You don't usually say, 'Hey there, Margaret.'" Toby's pretty jovial and asks, "What do I usually say?" Margaret: "You usually growl something inaudible." Toby says, "Not today. You, on the other hand, should turn that frown upside-down." Margaret says, "I'm sorry?" Toby continues: "Let a smile be your umbrella, Margaret." She stops dead and says, "'Kay, now you're scaring the crap out of me, Toby." He keeps walking and singing some lyrics from "Put On A Happy Face" as he breezes down the hallway, brightly greeting people who seem stunned to be acknowledged by Toby at all. ["I react to this the way deborah reacted to the cigars. Thank goodness it's just temporary." --Strega]
Over in Sam's office, Mallory is continuing to excoriate Sam on the school voucher issue. Apparently they've already been at it for an hour. She continues to rail about the value of public education; Sam responds with his best arguments about how, despite spending four trillion dollars on public schools since 1965, public education is a disaster area. Mallory tells him that he's being pretty snotty for a guy who's trying to date her. Sam complains that he thought this was an office-hours issue and that if he'd known he was working on that he'd have had a whole different attitude. Sam can't be so hard-up that this is his best shot at a date. On the other hand, he hasn't, perhaps, exhibited the best judgment in choosing his dates. ["I liked the hooker a lot better, myself." -- Wing Chun] Cathy sticks her head in to mention the meeting on the Hill. Sam is now quite eager to go to that meeting, but Cathy says she cancelled it. Sam now has to continue having the riot act read to him by Mallory.
C.J. goes down to the reporter's space just off the briefing room, where Danny is working. She starts in asking him about whether he's heard anything of Edgar Drumm incident, but before she can get very far, Danny complains that she never tells him that she likes his suspenders. When Danny tells her that he heard Drumm asked Zoey whether she should be partying with drug dealers, C.J. says that that was what she heard, and gets up to leave. Danny adds that Zoey told Drumm that she didn't know Arbour was going to be there. C.J. whirls around: "What?" Danny tries to dismiss it all, given Edgar Drumm's apparent crackpot reputation. He doesn't get why C.J. seems rattled and C.J. doesn't explain. She says, "Those really are nice suspenders," as she takes off.
Josh and Jeff are discussing the reparations issue. Jeff mentions that reparations for slavery are nothing new; in 1865 General Sherman issued an order for nearly a half-million acres from South Carolina to Florida to be divided up into forty-acre plots and given to newly freed slaves. In addition he granted them the use of various decommissioned army supplies. "Including..." Jeff says, but Josh finishes the sentence: "Mules. Forty acres and a mule." Jeff points out that the order was rescinded four years later by Andrew Johnson. He also mentions that during riots in the sixties, looters could be heard shouting, "That was my forty acres! I'll be back for the mule." Josh wants to talk about Jeff's confirmation; Jeff agrees. Josh has one more thing to say, though: "While we're on the subject of the Civil War, let's remember the six hundred thousand white men who died over the issue of slavery." Jeff asks somewhat incredulously, "Is that why they died?" Josh responds, "It's why a lot of them died, Jeff, and there's no other place and time in recorded history where an event like that has occurred, so...let's leave it at that and move on." Jeff's fine with moving on, but Josh isn't really finished. "Except to say this..." Then he thinks better of it. Jeff tries to pry it out of him but Josh just wants to move on.
Mandy shows up just as Toby is arriving. She asks if he has a moment and Toby says, "Madeleine. You are charming and you are brilliant and for you I have all the time in the world." Now you're scaring the crap out of me, Toby. Were those cigars you were smoking last night, or crack? Even Mandy is puzzled and asks the support staff what's with Toby. Ginger says, "It's the day after his day of jubilee." Bonnie adds, "He never sustains a good mood this long." Toby pauses at his door and says, "Bonnie, you are dedicated and you are beautiful. And Ginger, you are other nice things." Mandy shoves him into his office. Toby says he feels like he's lost one hundred and eighty pounds, and he's smiling, and laughing, and enjoying the people he works with, and he's gotta snap out of it. He plops into his chair and asks Mandy what's on her mind. Mandy: "I want you to help me get the Chinese to give us a new panda bear to replace Lum-Lum." Toby: "Well, that did the trick." Thanks, Mandy. Some of us were enjoying Toby's good mood. ["It was kind of unnerving." -- Wing Chun]
Out in the hallway, Zoey runs into Charlie. She's on her way to see C.J.; Charlie says he spoke to her and that she's going to speak to Danny. (C.J. never actually mentioned Danny by name, but I guess Charlie can put two and two together.) Zoey complains sweetly that Charlie could have kissed her hello. Charlie says, "That's what your dorm room is for." Zoey calls him a chicken and Charlie replies, "You better believe it. When I kiss you I want a good two, three miles between your mouth and the Oval Office." Come on, Zoey -- he's at work, and you may recall that he works for your father, the President of the United States. Cut him some slack, already. Zoey, however, hassles him about it, saying her friend Stacy claims that Charlie has a problem with public displays of affection. Charlie's unfazed and responds, "Tell Stacy to meet me in the middle of Union Station and let's see how it goes." Zoey then asks if C.J. has a problem, because she doesn't understand why C.J. wants to see her. Charlie's still going on about how he's not afraid of being affectionate in public. Zoey pushes him up against the wall and kisses him for five seconds before zooming off to C.J.'s office. Charlie kinda nods as he walks away, saying to himself, "I see."
Zoey arrives at C.J.'s office; C.J. thanks her for coming by. Zoey says she knows she should have just walked away from Edgar Drumm, but C.J. understands that he pushed Zoey's buttons. Zoey starts to say that David isn't a drug dealer, but C.J. interrupts to ask Zoey if she told Drumm that she didn't know David Arbour was going to be at the party. Zoey says that she did; upon hearing this, C.J. says she needs to know why Zoey lied to Drumm. Zoey says she didn't. C.J. then says, "And I need to know why you're lying to me right now." C.J. asks why, if Zoey didn't know he was going to be there, she had his car keys. Zoey doesn't say anything as we go to commercials. Couldn't she have been bringing the keys just in case David happened to be at the party? I'm not sure why this has to be such a big deal.
After the commercials, the Secret Service agents in charge of Zoey's safety are having a meeting. There sure are a lot of them. If I remember the head Secret Service guy's name right, it's Ron Something. I see the closed captioning refers to him as Butterfield, but I'm not typing that if I don't have to. Damn you Aaron Sorkin, with your fondness for long names! Let's go with "Ron." Ron is in charge of the meeting, and he's running down the status of various nutcases and crackpots who've threatened the Zoey's safety or committed other crimes, such as the guy who threatened to blow up the Smithsonian unless Zoey met him for a drink. ["They probably didn't take that one too seriously, since the Smithsonian consists of sixteen buildings, the National Zoo, and various affiliates." -- Strega] Ron mentions that they're adding some hate groups to the list: The Aryan White Resistance, The Christian Defence League, The World Church of the Creator, and Central New York White Pride. I wonder briefly if this list is casually referred to amongst agents as the "Dangerous Dumbasses" list; if it's not, it should be. ["Fun fact: In college I was friends with someone who'd gotten death threads from Matt Hale, now leader of the WCOTC." -- Strega] One of the agents, Mike, mentions that the Office of Protective Research has indicated that the most recent letters have been signed off with the slogan "Fourteen words." Ron asks if anyone can tell him what those fourteen words are; Gina knows, of course. You can just tell she was a total browner in school. It's "We must secure the existence of white people and a future for white children." As slogans go, that's both appallingly stupid and uninspiring. Gina goes on to mention that two death threats were received earlier that week, one against Zoey and one against Charlie. They were made with letters cut from a magazine which has been identified as Resistance magazine. Ron interjects that the magazine is aimed at recruiting younger people. Gina continues, indicating that the letters received repeatedly refer to the phrase "Following the voice of blood." (I predict we will hear that phrase again before season's end.) Ron seems puzzled and Gina explains that it's the name of the first record by a band called Graveland, apparently quite popular with the skinheads. Gina concludes by saying that she's fairly convinced that they should be looking for two fifteen-year-old boys. Ron agrees. Ron directs everyone to "hit the pictures" and see who looks familiar from the rope lines: "Remember, it could be anyone." As the meeting breaks up, C.J. arrives to speak to Gina about the frat party. Gina, however, is absolutely firm about the fact that she can't discuss the behaviour of her protectee. C.J.'s a little puzzled at Gina's unco-operative stance and explains that Zoey's not in trouble. Gina indicates that she's sorry, but she can't help C.J. because she won't be able to protect Zoey if Zoey feels like she has to do things behind Gina's back. C.J. accepts this and starts to leave; Gina adds that the thing with the reporter was fast and physical, and mentions that Zoey's nineteen years old and thought her father was in trouble. C.J. appreciates that and apologizes for asking Gina to overstep her bounds. As C.J.'s leaving, Gina asks if she wouldn't like to stay and have some coffee while she looks at pictures of teenage Nazis. There's an invitation that's hard to refuse.
Back in Sam's office, he and Mallory still arguing about the damn school voucher issue, which is starting to bore the crap out of me. He points out that she attended nothing but private schools her whole life. She doesn't seem to see his point. He blathers about how liberals only seem to get upset when poor public school students might have the chance to choose private school alternatives, and mentions that Boston Latin, the oldest public school in the country, is the best secondary school in New England. Mallory counters that not all the public schools are like Boston Latin and Bronx Science and wonders when liberals became the other guys in Sam's conversations. Just then C.J. shows up and asks for a minute of Sam's time. Sam, you can tell, is deeply grateful for the interruption. C.J. and Sam stand outside his office as she tells him about the whole Edgar Drumm ambush. Sam thinks it doesn't sound too bad but tells C.J. to make sure that POTUS doesn't get involved. C.J. doesn't think she's going to be able to keep him out of it once he finds out that someone spoke to Zoey on campus. Sam: "C.J., you can't back down in front of him. You gotta get in his face." C.J.: "Get in the President's face? That's your advice?" C.J.'s really unimpressed with this but Sam insists that it's her job, it's what the President needs her to do. C.J. agrees weakly. Sam then asks if he can ask C.J. a question, and tells her that he wants to see Mallory socially but he can't seem to get her past the fight they're having. C.J. suggests that he tell Mallory that he wants to continue the fight over lunch. Sam thinks that's very good advice. C.J. replies, "It's certainly better advice than 'Get in the President's face.'" Sam says he's going back to his office. C.J.: "Cool. I'm going to go check the want ads." Sam wishes her luck as he enters his office.
Mandy's still breathing down Toby's neck about the bear. Toby: "A panda bear to replace Dim Sum." Mandy: "Lum Lum." Toby: "You mean Hsing-Hsing?" Mandy: "Hsing-Hsing! That was his name." Wasn't the bear a she when Mandy was yapping to Josh about it? Whatever. Mandy starts to rattle on about how the Chinese gave the bear to the U.S. during the Nixon administration, which Toby knows, of course, and then Hsing-Hsing got lonely, so they sent a mate for the bear, and Mandy thinks that other bear's name was Ping. Toby corrects her; it was Ling. Then he thinks it may have been Ping. ["It was Ling-Ling, for the record." -- Strega] Anyway, Ping/Ling dies, and Hsing-Hsing mourns. Mandy: "For Hsing-Hsing, it seemed like the time was unendurable." Toby: "I know exactly how he felt." Mandy's oblivious, however, and continues rattling on about how Hsing-Hsing died earlier this year. She thinks it would be a good signal regarding how serious they are about their relationship with China if they asked them for another bear. Toby: "I think it would be a good idea, as a symbol, to signal that China is serious about a relationship with us, if they stopped running over their citizens with tanks." Toby still totally rocks, but I just can't overlook the cigars. He tells her to call the embassy and have them send over "a damn bear"; he doesn't get why this is a problem. Mandy points out that pandas are very rare and they only exist in China. Toby says they only need one; Mandy says they need two, because otherwise the first one will get lonely. Mandy adds that China's not inclined to give the U.S. gifts right now. Toby: "Then get us two regular bears, a bucket of black paint, a bucket of white paint, bam bam, case." This made me laugh harder than anything in the whole episode. Mandy: "It's hard to believe the wildlife lobby was nervous about you." Toby: "I know, I'm Mr. Wildlife." She starts to say something else, but Toby yells "Mandy!" and she shuts up. He pauses for a bit before finally asking her why she thought he'd be interested in this. She tells him Josh sent her to him. Toby's mildly amused by this, and tells Mandy he's impressed with how much she's grown, because there was a time when, if she got played by Josh like this, she'd want to get back at him right away, and it's good to see her rise above that. She doesn't see how she's been played, but Toby explains that Josh used her to have some fun with him because Josh got saddled with the Breckenridge problem. Mandy's upset: "He played me?" Toby: "Like a two-dollar banjo." Mandy asks Toby to help her cause Josh pain. Toby thinks about this and agrees.
Leo's on the phone in his office when Sam and Mallory show up. Leo asks his caller to hold; Mallory says that Sam asked her to have lunch with him and she needs his permission. Leo wants to know why the heck she needs his permission. Mallory prompts Sam, and Sam says, "She says she always asks her father's permission before she has lunch with fascists." Geez, Mallory, lighten up already. Leo: "Oh. Yeah. Okay." Mallory complains that Sam's in favour of school vouchers. Leo's had his fun, I guess, and tells Mallory, "No, Mallory, he's really not." She insists that he is, and that she read the position paper. Leo explains that is was "opposition prep." She doesn't know what that is, and Leo explains that when they're gearing up for a debate, they have the smart guys take the other side. She turns to Sam and complains that he argued with her. They start bickering and Leo asks them to take it outside. Sam: "I thought you were trying to drive a wedge between us." Leo: "Yeah, but now you're just boring the crap out of me." Mallory starts to give Leo some lip, but Sam interrupts with a little speech. "Mallory, education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes, we need gigantic, monumental changes. Schools should be palaces. The competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be making six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge to its citizens, just like national defence. That's my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet." Mallory's looking at him all lovey-dovey and says, "You stood there and argued with me," like she's saying, "You sold your watch-fob to buy me this beautiful hair-clip." I don't get it, but whatever. Sam suggests that they could continue the argument but it's lunchtime and they should have lunch. Mallory: "You're taking over?" Sam: "I'm taking over." Leo, whose caller is still on hold, says she can go have lunch with the fascist. Mallory walks out, saying, "Come along, Sam." Sam looks at Leo, who tells him, "You're doing fine." Sam seems buoyed by this and says, "Okay," as he hustles after Mallory.
POTUS is in his office, lying on the couch reading a book. I'm amazed that he's got time for this. Charlie comes in to mention that the President's lunch with Mr. Girardi got cancelled. POTUS knows and says that it's the first time anyone's cancelled lunch on him since he took office. Charlie thinks Mr. Girardi meant no offense, since he was taken to the hospital with pneumonia. POTUS says, "I'm not saying he didn't have a good excuse." Anyway, it explains why Jed has time to lie on his couch and read. Charlie asks what he's reading. "Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation by George Washington." Charlie asks if it's the George Washington. Jed explains that the rules were drawn from a English translation of a French book of maxims, and that Washington copied them down when he was fourteen years old. Nerdy, perhaps, but it seems like a hell of a lot better way to spend your time than cutting up racist magazines to send death threats to people. Jed affects a mildly snooty tone and quotes from the book: "'When you sit down, keep your feet firm and even, without putting one on the other or crossing them. Put not off your clothes in the presence of others, nor go out of your chamber half-dressed.' What a tight-assed little priss he must have been." Charlie: "Yes, sir." Jed: "Do you think I could take George Washington?" Charlie: "Take him at what, sir?" Jed's not sure; maybe a war. Charlie thinks about it: "Well...you'd have the Air Force and he'd have the Minutemen, right?" Jed says that the Minutemen were good. Charlie: "Still, I think you'd probably take him." Jed thinks so, too. Charlie tells him C.J.'s there to see him; Jed says he can send her in. As she enters, he's quoting from the book again: "'When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body not usually covered.'" C.J.'s a little befuddled but recovers quickly: "Well, I do what it takes to keep the press corps happy, Mr. President." Jed nods and says, "Yeah, you're right." and dumps the book. He asks what's going on; C.J. asks him not to blow his stack. Now he really wants to know what's going on. C.J. explains that Zoey lied to a reporter and explains what happened. POTUS wants to know why she lied. C.J. says that sometimes nineteen-year-old girls lie when they don't have to; Jed says she never has to lie. C.J. claims Zoey knows that, but Jed says, "Apparently she doesn't." C.J. tries to explain how Zoey choked when being ambushed. When Jed hears that a reporter spoke to her on campus, he starts to get really angry. "C.J., put the press in the briefing room and tell them I'm coming right over." He starts to put on his shoes. C.J. refuses. Jed starts yelling. "We've been over this and we've been over this and we've been over this! They are not supposed to talk to my daughter on campus!" C.J. says it was Edgar Drumm. Jed: "I don't care if it was The Bergen County Shopper's Guide! I'm going to talk to the press!" C.J. starts yelling too: "You can't talk the press!" Jed: "Watch me!" He makes for the door. C.J.: "I'm telling you now, Mr. President, this isn't about your daughter, it's about the First Daughter and that's my job and you're not going down there! You, me, Charlie and Zoey are the only four people who know that she was lying and there's no reason it doesn't need to stay that way. It's a non-story! You go down there and it's a big story!" Jed lets out a big sigh. "So I just sit in my office and fume?" C.J.: "Yes. And if anybody asks you, you haven't heard anything about it." Jed agrees. C.J. asks if he knows that Drumm jumped out at Zoey, and that Gina put him into a wall. Jed thinks that's excellent. C.J. prods him and he reiterates that he hasn't heard anything about it. As C.J. gathers her things to leave, Jed says, "I could take George Washington, by the way." C.J.: "Yes, sir." He asks if there's anything else; she says no and leaves. I think Jed needs a punching bag in his office. ["I thought that's what Danny was for. Wait, no. That was just a dream I had." -- Wing Chun]
Josh is still in his office, having a very long morning with Breckenridge. Jeff mentions the example of the Japanese. Josh: "I knew you were going to bring up the Japanese." Jeff points out that the U.S. gave $1.2 billion to those Japanese-Americans who were subjected to internment camps. Josh argues, "They were actually in internment camps. Bring me a living slave and then you got a case." Jeff: "I think I got a case without the living slave, but I'm just a civil-rights expert, so what do I know?" Josh points out that the committee is going to be looking for a "certain degree of practicality" and mentions that the government doesn't have $1.7 trillion. "In order to raise one point seven trillion dollars, we would have to sell Texas and the U.S. Navy." Jeff says he's willing to give him a break; they'll take the money in tax deductions and scholarship funds. Josh asks, "How about taking it in affirmative action and empowerment zones and the Civil Rights Act?" Jeff rightly points out that those are three things that they wouldn't have needed in the first place. Josh is getting more upset. He stands up and says, "Jeff, I would love to give you the money, I really would. But I'm a little short on cash right now. You see, the S.S. officer forgot to give my grandfather his wallet back when he let him out of Birkenau!" Jeff volleys, "So your beef's with the Germans!" Josh: "You're damn right it is!" They're both silent as Josh glances at a picture on the wall, which looks like Josh as a little boy with his grandfather. Josh, softly: "What the hell are we talking about?" They both sit down again. Jeff says, "We have laws in this country. You break'em, you pay your fine. You break God's laws...that's a different story. You can't kidnap a civilization and sell them into slavery. No amount of money will make up for it. And all you have to do is look two
hundred years later at race relations in this country." Josh kinds of snorts, "Yeah." Jeff re-states that no amount of money will make up for it. Josh agrees. Jeff asks if Josh has a dollar. Josh's face sort of softens, as if he expects that a gag of some sort is coming. Jeff asks him to take it out and look at the back; Josh does. Jeff talks about how the pyramid on the back of the U.S. dollar is unfinished, with the eye of God looking over it, and the words annuit coeptis. "He, God, favours our undertaking. The seal is meant to be unfinished because this country's meant to be unfinished. We're meant to keep doing better. We're meant to keep discussing and debating and we're meant to read books by great historical scholars and then talk about them, which is why I lent my name to a dust cover. I want to be your Assistant Attorney General for Civil Rights. I'll do an outstanding job for all people in this country. You got any problem with me saying all that to the committee?" Josh says he doesn't. Jeff asks Josh if he's hungry and offers to buy him lunch. As they gather their things, Josh says, "There's going to be a lot of these meetings before your confirmation. Why don't you let me get lunch this time; you get it time?" Jeff agrees.