By Deborah
It's 5:58 AM on Tuesday. It's pouring rain, and Charlie's waiting at the entrance for a woman who arrives in a cab. He introduces himself to a woman with a very goofy, poodle-y hairdo and escorts her through the halls of the West Wing, past the concerned glances of C.J., Josh, Toby, and Donna, in turn. Along the way, Charlie learns that her name is Claire Huddle, but there's no more chat than that. She looks pretty grim. I would too, if I were made to wear my hair like that in public. They enter the Oval Office, where Jed's waiting, reading a newspaper. Charlie introduces Claire to Jed, who says, "It turns out that it has to go to the Secretary of State." He quotes the law that says so, but adds that they'll take care of it. She walks over to him and hands him a letter. He asks why she took a cab. How does he know that? Just general Presidential omniscience? Moreover, why does he care? She says her car wouldn't start. She has to repeat it because he doesn't hear her the first time. She looks like she's going to cry. Hey, honey, take it easy. I know a good mechanic, if you happen to have a VW. I know an even better hairstylist. Jed asks if she knows what's in there. She looks like she's not sure whether it's okay to tell the truth, and he says, "It's okay." She nods gravely. Jed dons his spectacles and reads the letter, which is from John Hoynes, and says, "I hereby resign the Office of the Vice President of the United States effective 6 AM today." Credits. Well. Where the hell did that come from?
Titles inform us that it's "24 Hours Earlier" and that it's the "Morning Press Gaggle, 6 a.m." C.J. arrives, and before anyone can ask a question, she wishes Mark a happy birthday, adding, "And don't ever say I don't pay attention to these things." Mark points out that his birthday's in December. Picky, picky. C.J.: "All right, go ahead and say it then. What do I care?" They ask her questions about a Trustee's report on Medicare, a fuel efficiency initiative, and whether POTUS is going to the Children's Defense Fund dinner. Katie has a question; she's the one C.J. initially cut off to wish Mark a happy non-birthday. C.J. invites Katie to come into C.J.'s office. Katie's got a bouncy ponytail that's emanating a lot of "Girl Reporter" energy. Is that because I said her hair was getting too long? Can't be. If people paid attention to what I say about hairstyles on this show, Stockard Channing would look a lot better much of the time, and God knows poor Claire wouldn't look the way she does. Katie introduces the H!ITG! with her as Ralph Gish, the science editor of her paper. (It's John Apicella.) C.J. wonders why Science is coming to the White House. He says it's about the Vice-President. Ralph wants to know if the White House is concealing a report from the NASA Commission on Space Science and Research which contains two different pieces of evidence of water molecules on Mars. He rambles on about fossilized water molecules on the surface of Mars as C.J. points to Katie and takes her outside the office to speak to her privately. Fossilized water molecules? Can water fossilize? That doesn't sound right. Where is Frink when I need him?
Outside her office, C.J. angrily tells Katie (calling her "Katarina") that calling Katie into C.J.'s office for a "single" in front of everybody costs her, and her questions are, "Is there life on Mars?" and "Is the White House hiding that there's life on Mars?" She wants to know what the hell it has to do with Hoynes. Katie explains that the Vice-President is head of the Commission, and their source says he told them personally. C.J. thinks that's absurd. She wonders what credible source would go to the Science Editor. Why is that so ridiculous? Katie explains that Gish doesn't know who the source is; the source told someone else at the paper, who told Gish. C.J. marches back into her office and tells Gish, "I can't imagine that it's true." He wants to know if there's a report that says anything, and if so, whether it will be made public and if not, why, and if not, isn't that illegal? She doesn't know, but says she'll find out about his first few questions. She says that any questions of legality are a matter for the Counsel's Office. Mentioning the Counsel's Office gives C.J. a bright idea, and she tells Gish that she knows the right guy to stick it to. I mean, "for Gish to talk to." She gestures for them to leave the office ahead of her, pausing at the door to smile warmly to herself, having thought of a way to get this off her lap and haze the new guy all at once. Yeah, it's gonna be a good day.
Joe looks around the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue, or at least, the room that's currently pretending to be it. It's got stairs in it, which Ainsley's office didn't have, I'm pretty sure. I remember people walking straight into her office from the hallway. This is more like the Sagittarius Room, isn't it? They think they can pull the wool over our eyes. We've got news for them. As Joe's seriously reconsidering having thrown over the $225,000 salary at Dibblevux and Pimpleford (or whatever) in New York, a woman knocks, enters, and introduces herself as Blair Spoonauer (or maybe Spoonhour), staff to the Counsel's office. Joe gives her the standard Sorkinesque hard time about being too young: "What are you, fourteen?" She thanks him and says she's twenty-two. Her knee-length skirt is slit about two-thirds of the way up her left thigh. Very professional. I guess they're desperate to inject any hint of sexiness they can on this show, especially during sweeps. I mean, it's not like they can just send Sipowicz and his partner du jour to a strip joint to grill some perp and milk the T&A. Ew. That didn't come out well at all, did it? Oh well, live and learn. Blair says she's a law student at GW. She's been asked to stick around to "break [Joe] in." She explains that this office is the one traditionally given to new lawyers at the White House. No wonder they can't seem to keep them on staff. In answer to Joe's question about the room's purpose, Blair explains that it's the (Fake) Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue. Joe guesses that this administration isn't too fond of lawyers. Blair says they're held about one rung above Republicans. He reveals his dark, ugly secret. She goes into a "you're one of those people" rants but he interrupts her, calling her "Law School," and asks if he has any briefing memos to read. As a matter of fact, he has nine file boxes of memos to read. She gestures to a shelf of boxes he thought was Xerox paper. She says they wouldn't store Xerox paper in the Associate Counsel's office. Joe: "Sure, we'd never want to compromise the aesthetic integrity of the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue." Maybe not the real one. Joe asks her to triage the memos for him.
C.J. knocks and sticks her head in. She compliments Blair on her outfit, and Blair introduces C.J. to Joe. Blair bitches about having to carry the boxes up the stairs by herself as she leaves. Blair warns C.J., as they pass each other, that Joe's a Republican. C.J. shakes Joe's hand and tells him he's got a cool office. The ceiling seems way higher than the one in Ainsley's office, too. C.J. suggests that she should show Joe around; when he hesitates, saying he's got work to do, she reminds him that she outranks him by "seventeen rungs." She assures him that it will be fun, and if it's not, he should pretend it is anyway.
C.J. tells Joe that the first thing she's going to get asked about at her briefing is a Department of Agriculture report showing commodity prices are down 6%, and whether the White House is going to respond to the farmers who are going broke. She says, "And I thought, since the Republicans tore up the farm safety net, you might have a good idea for what I should say." Joe: "How about, 'food is cheaper, and that's good'?" C.J. asks him if he thinks it's good that farmers can't sell what they grow for a living wage. No, he was saying that it's good that you can buy food for less than an entire wage. C.J. carries on, pointing out that that's good, except that agriculture is the country's largest industry. Joe: "Aren't you supposed to be showing me around?" C.J. says that was the Dolly Madison staircase: "What do you want?" Show him that painting of Dolly that's so scary -- I want to see that. Joe points out the Roosevelt Room, saying he's been in there. C.J.: "Nobody cares." She tells Joe about Gish's questions and asks him to find out who broke the law. He says he will. As they keep walking, C.J. says that farmers are victims of the Republican Congress. Joe says he doesn't get a vote there, but he does go to the grocery store, and he knows food is cheaper: "And I know that when life expectancy goes up, that's not victimizing undertakers." Yeah, but...everybody still eventually dies. The undertakers'll get their money. C.J.: "Well argued, though I do hate you and everything you stand for." Joe: "Claudia Jean, you've only known me for four minutes. Usually it takes people the better part of an hour to hate me and everything I stand for." C.J.: "I'm the Press Secretary, Boo-Boo. I don't have that kind of time." She smiles and walks off. He's got one more question for her, though: "What do I do if I need to speak to the Vice-President?" She tells him that he just speaks to him: "You're his lawyer."
11:00 AM. Toby and Will are in Toby's office watching some obnoxious and anachronistic Republican ad that we only hear and do not see. It urges all flag-waving American nuclear families who are trying to go camping in their gas-guzzling vehicles to tell their Congressmen to vote "no" on HR-235. Will turns off the TV and says that the family won't be able to drive up some hill if they increase fuel efficiency standards. Toby, squeezing a fat pink ball, says, "Well, that family isn't gonna get up the hill 'cause Dad's trying to pull the kids, the camping gear, Rex the dog, and what would appear to be his den up K2 in a Ford Falcon." A Falcon? That car isn't still in production, is it? Oh well. I said it was anachronistic. Will says, "Actually, it's the power of the ad." Huh? Toby tells him to say that again, and when Will complies, he throws the ball at him. Toby thinks the ad sucks. Will explains that it's not directed at Toby; it's not about Dad. It's about Mom looking worried in the front seat. Toby says, "Soccer moms recognize a Big Three hosing when it walks up and introduces itself, good as anyone, and they know it often begins with 'Tell your Congressman America's about freedom.' And that Mom was worried 'cause Dad's hauling a yard sale up Kilimanjaro, and she's thinking, 'Wow, I married an idiot.'" Will thinks the ad will be effective; he thinks it says that "the President and a bunch of Hollywood types want to put your kids in a small car so that they can save the sky." Toby wants to know how Hollywood types got into it. So do I. Will: "How do they ever?" Will wants to run a counter ad, though he has no idea what it should say. Toby looks pretty annoyed about that: "Well, get one. Have an idea. Don't come in here with half a thing and not be able to -- you know, after you've walked me to the brink, and say 'we've got to do this, it's important, though I have no earthly idea how.' Like one of those guys who buys a big new thing, but doesn't really know how to get the most out of it!" Whoa. Will calmly says, "Toby, either get Andi to marry you, or kill yourself." Toby makes a "fuck you" face and says "Yeah." Will says he'll start putting together a counter ad. Isn't that the sort of thing you hire an agency for, or have in-house staff to deal with? Would that really be a speechwriter's job? Aren't there any actual...you know, speeches to be written? As he leaves, he offers to draw the blinds or lower the lights. Toby declines.
Donna's sitting at Josh's desk reading something. She's wearing a shirt I thought was pink and other viewers referred to as orange so I'm going to go with some kind of coral colour. Hard colour to wear, but she looks good in it. There's some sharp tapping noise. You can see a bird moving around on the window sill in the background. Every time it taps, Donna tells it to stop it. I hope this turns out to be more interesting than watching her shadow some druggie all night. It keeps tapping, and she goes over to the window, telling the bird it's going to hurt its beak. Yeah, I think the bird knows what it's doing, and probably doesn't need advice from someone who develops a crush on every Republican with a Y chromosome who happens to pass through the White House. Josh arrives as Donna's lecturing the bird, and she rants about how the bird is driving her into dementia. Josh wonders why he's the one who has to keep talking to Dr. Stanley. Josh offers to scare the bird away, but Donna won't let him, because it's not nice. "He's not bothering anybody." Um, except you. This is ridiculous. I'm not recapping it anymore. Damn, I'm too late. It's done for now. Donna tells Josh to go see Leo, because Carol got a call about whether the White House pressed the Department of Justice to call off its antitrust investigation against Casseon. Josh says they didn't call it off; they reached a settlement with Casseon. Donna says the call's from the Post, which has a source. Josh tells Donna to work with C.J.'s office to run down the source.
Joe knocks just then, wondering, in the even that he needs to speak to Leo, whether he should go straight to Leo or run it past Josh first. Josh says that at first, he'd like Joe to run things by him, just so he can give him a sense of what to keep out of Leo's office. Josh asks what he's got. Joe tells him about the NASA report. Josh muses, "This is two in one day." He tells Donna to work with C.J.'s office and Joe to take his concern to Leo. Then he thinks about it and calls them back, asking what they supposedly got in exchange for calling off the DoJ. Donna says it was 100,000 computers for schools. Josh decides that now they all have to go talk to Leo. As they walk down the hall, Donna says to Joe, "So you're our new sawbones." Joe: "'Sawbones' is a doctor. Lawyer's a shyster." Donna, to Josh: "I got him to say it." (Isn't "shyster" usually considered an anti-Semitic slur? What gives?) Joe objects: "Josh is a lawyer." Donna: "Well, yeah, he went to law school..." Josh glares at her. Donna: "You don't practice law, is all I was saying!" Josh: "I don't practice law? I help write the laws! I write the laws! I make the laws! I am the law!"
Donna and Joe make small talk about birds and bats when they arrive at Leo's office. Josh introduces Joe to Margaret, who informs him, "The girls in the Political Affairs Office saw you before and asked me to tell you that they wouldn't have covered your parking spot with mayonnaise if they'd known you were a biscuit." Leo calls them in and tells them to make it damn snappy. Josh starts to tell him about the Casseon thing, but then lets Joe go first. Leo says that the DoD classified the NASA Commission report. He repeats it, because, you know...I don't know. All I know is, a goodly portion of all dialogue must be repeated on this show. Is that because they think viewers won't get it the first time around, or just to fill time, or what? Joe is surprised to hear that the report exists. Leo: "Well, I can't tell you that, Joe. It was classified. But I can tell you it was classified by the Department of Defense." Okay, has everyone got it now? Good. I wouldn't want to have to go gazebo, or banner-ad, or whatever, on anybody's ass. Leo's ready to move to Josh. Josh asks if they got the DoJ to call off the dogs with regard to Casseon. Leo says they settled. Josh tells Donna to tell Leo what they were bribed with. Donna tells him about the 100,000 computers. Leo looks shocked. He says that was part of the settlement; obviously Josh already knew that, too. He says there's a leak. He asks Leo who knew about the terms with Casseon, other than the two of them and now Joe and Donna. Leo: "The President, me and you, Counsel, Counsel at Treasury and Commerce. Two, three guys at NEC, Hackley, Little, May..." And all their assistants who typed everything and placed calls. So, hardly anybody. Whew. Josh asks, "The Vice-President?" Leo replies, "Yeah. The Assistant Attorney General for Antitrust. Did we say the..." Joe interrupts to verify that Hoynes knew about the settlement. Leo: "Fix this, please, would you? There's a story out there we're obstructing justice and another one we're like in a Ray Bradbury yarn! These things make me crazy." Josh says they will and they all walk out, leaving Joe turning things over in his mind. He follows them down the hall.
Will's meeting with his staff: Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, and Cassie, better known as the Robert Palmer Girls. They're brainstorming a response ad to the one Will showed Toby earlier. One of the "girls" is handing out food to everyone. Okay, I know this episode needed the comic relief, but really, would this be something Will would be doing at all, never mind with a bunch of interns? I don't mind seeing him with his staff, such as it is, but I'd like to see them doing something convincing. And still funny. Yes, I expect the moon, and I'm not prepared to settle for a tallow candle. Will's suggesting a scenario almost identical to the Republican ad, a shot of a soccer mom spinning her SUV's wheels as she struggles to pull up a hill: "Wait for it..." He points to one of the Laurens -- the PoorMan'sKimCattrall (tm Gustave) -- who says, "A Saudi oil rig!" Will thinks that's exactly right, and PMKC beams. Will calls her Lauren #2, but PMKC says she's #3. Will says he promoted her. Cassie -- who I'm calling One Of These "Girls" Is Not Like The Others, or OOT"G"INLTO for short ('cause God knows that's a lot shorter, isn't it?) -- wants to know how they will convey the fact that it's a Saudi oil rig. Well, just hire some Mexican extras and dress them up like standard "towel heads." That should work. PMKC doesn't know the answer. Will's head slumps. Lauren Shelby suggests instead of hauling a Saudi oil rig, the soccer mom could haul actual Saudis. Hey, call up King Fahd, and Crown Prince Abdullah, and Prince Sultan, and the rest of the bunch and see if they'd like to shoot an ad. I bet they'd love that. Who isn't a famewhore these days? Also, I think they switched Lauren Shelbys on us. Or maybe she just changed her hair a lot. This one doesn't look familiar. I bet they thought we wouldn't notice. Just like with the Fake Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue. Will: "Like a U-Haul full of Saudis?" PMKC suggests the oil rig could have Arabic writing on it. Will suddenly worries this is turning into something the Ku Klux Klan might produce. Well, I'm glad he saved me the trouble of saying it. Lauren Shelby claims she was about to say that. Hey, chippie, you're the one who suggested "actual Saudis." So shut your sandwich hole, Lauren Shelby. If that's your real name. Lauren Chen suggests that they use the same family. PMKC likes that, and suggests they have the same family stopping their SUV every three miles for gas. OOT"G"INLTO wants to know how that's supposed to play in fifteen seconds. PMKC has no answer. Frustrated, Will orders her to give her food back. Fake Lauren Shelby says, "You understand I'm not saying the soccer mom would be dragging them up the hill. They'd be super-comfortable." Will: "Stop talking." Thank you.
5:00 PM. Donna's talking to C.J. about the Casseon leak. She tells C.J. that Josh thinks she should advance numbers to the Journal on the sales of first homes. He says that the Times got existing homes. C.J. explains, "You know what happens with negotiated press leaks? Two-thirds of the press gives us lousy coverage 'cause they're tweaked that they didn't get the leak, and the other third..." The bird's tapping at C.J.'s window now. "...Doesn't give us better coverage 'cause they..." Tap, tap, tap. They both go to look at the bird. Donna wonders what the learning curve is for a bird. She tells the bird to stop it. It's a cute bird, all white. Joe knocks and says, "Excuse me." He wonders if something is going on with birds. C.J. says that one of them is obsessed with Donna. Donna: "It's true, I'm like Tippi Hedren around here." Joe asks if Donna minds if he talks to C.J. alone.
Donna takes off and Joe brings up the Science Editor's question. C.J. interjects that Joe shouldn't worry about it too much: "I gave it to you to give you a hard time." Joe: "No kidding. By the way, there was a report, but it was classified by the Defense Department and we'll leave how much I didn't want to know about that for another time." He tells her he thinks he knows who Gish's blind source is; he thinks it's Stu Winkle, the new gossip columnist. C.J. wonders why a gossip columnist would have a story about the Pentagon. Joe doesn't want to say yet: "Because if I'm wrong, it'll be inappropriate that I suggested it and I'll be held in contempt." C.J. says he is wrong. Joe: "No...I'm not." C.J. insists that "Stu Winkles" don't get tips about things like the NASA Commission report being illegally suppressed. Joe says that he's done with that, and that he wants C.J. to call Stu Winkle now and lead him to confirm that he's the other reporter. C.J. can't believe Joe expects her to call Stu Winkle. Joe suggests that she could call to wish him luck with his new column. C.J. says she doesn't generally do things like that. Joe says Stu will be very flattered. C.J.: "And you won't tell me why?" Joe: "No." C.J.: "Even if give you assurances that I already hold you in contempt?" Joe: "Yes."
C.J. calls Carol in and asks her to get Stu Winkle on the phone. Carol seems skeptical, but goes to do C.J.'s bidding. Joe starts to tell C.J. what to say, but C.J. knows. While they're waiting, C.J. reads Toby's statement about the "judicial imagination of pistachio nuts," and chuckles. Carol's got Stu on the phone. She puts him on speaker phone and tells him who she is. Dead silence. C.J.: "Stu?" Stu -- whose (very stereotypically gay) voice sounds incredibly familiar -- can't believe it's really C.J. She wishes him luck from everyone at the White House. Stu: "You are the classiest thing for calling me!" He goes on and on about how she's his hero and she's so brilliant and funny and she has such great clothes. He wants to know who makes her evening gowns: "Do not tell me you buy off the rack...I'll kill you!" Good grief. Get a grip, Mary. C.J. says she's a girl on a budget. Stu's not buying it. C.J. looks at Joe and cuts Stu off, saying that she wanted to get him a direct answer on the NASA Commission report. She says it was the Defense Department and not the White House who classified the report. Dead silence. C.J.: "Stu?" He babbles, saying that makes perfect sense, and that it sounded crazy but you've gotta look into these things, etc. C.J. and Joe exchange glances. Stu immediately changes the subject, suggesting that he and C.J. get together someday for coffee, and starts yammering on and on and on about his life story as Joe hands C.J. a newspaper open to the gossip column that Charlie had been reading about Helen Baldwin. Then he hands her his yellow legal pad with the words "Question from Reporter: NASA Commission" and "Question from Reporter: ANTI-TRUST" circled, and points to each. Then he places in front of her a document entitled "White House Telephone Record: Outgoing and Incoming" and turns the page to show call after call from John Hoynes to Helen Baldwin, highlighted in yellow. C.J. looks at Joe with a question in her eyes to which Joe gently nods the answer. She finally cuts Stu off just at the point where I'm ready to plunge an icepick into my ears and says she has to go. He keeps blithering and she hangs up on him. She calls Carol and tells her that she needs to see Josh and Toby and Joe needs to see Hoynes. Joe looks like he might toss his cookies. He takes his stuff and leaves.
After the commercials, it's 7:45 PM. Vice-President John Hoynes is holding a séance with some of his staff about something that might matter if he weren't one of this year's winners of the Kathryn Joosten Annual Buh-Bye Sweepstakes, but since he is, I'm not recapping it. A woman opens the door, nods at Hoynes, and leaves. Hoynes ends the meeting, saying it's been a long day, but asks his staff to do him a favour and stick around. They all agree as they leave. Hoynes looks bummed as he waits for his appointment. He turns his back and looks out the window. Josh, Joe, C.J., and Toby file in. Josh greets Hoynes. Hoynes tells Joe: "You brought friendly faces. That was considerate. You're Joe Quincy? This is your first day?" Joe confirms this. Hoynes tells Joe they're going to put his picture up someplace: "You're going to get honoured at a luncheon." Gee, I'll bet Joe's psyched about that. Hoynes talks about the bilateral commission meeting he was just having about attracting foreign investment to Egypt: "So look out for ShopEgypt.org, I suppose. And you're going to tell me I'm not going to Cairo." Not on the White House's dime, anyway.
Josh cuts straight to the chase: "Mr. Vice-President, have you been having an affair with Helen Baldwin while here at the White House?" Hoynes straightens a bit and says, "I should hit you in the face." Toby tries to explain why Josh is asking, and Hoynes says he knows. He understands why they're there; he's spoken with C.J. He admits to the affair, adding: "And I like to show off. I said things. I said I'd seen proof of life on Mars. I said I'd intervened at the Justice Department to put 100,000 computers in the classrooms, which I thought made me sound like a good guy." He sighs. Then he asks Joe if he heard a rumour once, or something. Joe did indeed. Hoynes: "And you saw Helen had a book deal, you knew she must have teased them with something...it's a tell-all. Couple of items in the gossip columns, maybe the gossip guy was the Science Editor's contact?" Joe says yes. Hoynes: "Well, you earned your money today. This could have been bad, but you found it early. What do I do now?" Joe rambles that it's his first day and he's just an Associate and he talked to Oliver Babish. Hoynes wants to know what to do now. Joe says Hoynes should talk to his family. Everyone looks dead serious. Hoynes nods and says thanks. Josh looks sort of hurt, but also like he's so used to disappointment at this point that he suspects it's hardly worth feeling hurt about. I suspect he sorta thought he'd be Hoynes's Chief of Staff in 2006, too. (You know, if Sam didn't get the nomination.) Hoynes walks over to his window again, and C.J. and Toby say, "Thank you, Mr. Vice-President," as they all leave. Josh says, "Thank you, sir," as he turns to go. Hoynes stares out the window. I'm sure he's wondering where this plot came from. I know I am. Why is he being written out? Did Tim Matheson want out? This seems so...out of left field.
Out in the hall, Josh, Joe, Toby, and C.J. all stand for a moment, not knowing what to say, and then start walking. Josh turns to Joe and says, "I hope I didn't see you smile in there." Joe: "You didn't." C.J.: "Josh, you didn't." I guess he has to lash out at someone. I guess now we know where the VPOTUS has been keeping himself. He's been shtupping Miss Loose Lips. ["Possibly even in those self-same...actually, my mom might read this, so I'm not going to finish that interjection." -- Wing Chun]
8:30 PM. Fake Lauren Shelby is suggesting something to do with gas masks. Will calls her by the wrong name, saying, "Sing to me, Lauren Romano!" PMKC, reading a paper in the background, corrects him. She proposes "mothers barely able to see their children through the haze of gas masks." Will: "Wow, you rode it right off the rails there, didn't you?" Lauren Chen wants to know if anybody else thinks it's weird that Toby had a salad. Will thinks it's weird that Lauren Romano's still talking about it nine hours later. PMKC corrects Will again. Toby arrives in time to hear Will propose a scene with a clear blue sky, with the camera slowly tilting down into a thickening haze, until it levels on a suburban street. He has the same family and their dog from the other ad get out of the SUV wearing gas masks. Toby looks unimpressed. Will adds, "We also have one where the family's towing Saudis in a U-Haul." Toby sighs, "Doesn't really have the feel of high-minded debate, does it?" Will says they don't want it to, and goes on about how they're in the trenches, responding to an attack ad. Toby sees it differently: "Two bodies of government are debating fuel efficiency at the highest level. We're not in the trenches!" Will seems puzzled. Toby says he knows it's a fifteen-second spot and they have to scare them, but he just doesn't feel like doing that tonight. He sighs again, saying that Will has to come with him: "I need to tell you what's about to happen."
Jed's sitting on the bench on the portico right outside the Oval Office. His hands are clasped and he's hunched over. Hoynes walks up to him. Leo's waiting with Jed. Hoynes stops in front of Jed and waits, saying nothing. Leo waits for Jed to speak. After a pause, Jed quietly asks Hoynes, "You've talked to Suzanne?" He has to repeat it, of course. Is there something about public service that renders one's hearing inoperational? Hoynes says he has. Leo asks what happened. Hoynes says Leo knows. Leo asks Hoynes to tell him again: "How many times? When did it start?" What's he want? Pictures? Hoynes does it think it matters. Leo takes a tone that's a bit stronger, telling Hoynes that, right now, Leo will decide what matters: "Forty-seven phone calls? Did you not know that the White House keeps records of phone calls? Did you not know that?" Leo glances at Jed, and asks Hoynes again, "How many times? When did it start?" Hoynes indicates that it's none of Leo's beeswax. Leo says he's about to read about it in a book. Hoynes: "Then read about it!" Leo wonders if it ever occurred to John that Helen might do this. Hoynes didn't think she would. Jed evenly says, "You were wrong," as he stands up. He paces a bit.
Leo asks whether Hoynes thinks there's anyone else behind this. He doesn't know. Leo wonders, "Do you think she may have been coached by Republican leadership?" Hoynes doesn't know. Leo: "John, if we're going to weather this, then we're going..." Hoynes says they're not going to weather it. He says he's resigning. Jed glances at Leo, and says, "If we're going to do this, we've gotta start tonight, now, and I need you thinking..." Hoynes insists that he's resigning. He says he leaked classified information: "It is their business. It's also a felony." Leo asks if he's in a position to deny it. Hoynes says he's not. Leo says that someone with a seven-figure book deal isn't going to have a lot of credibility. Hoynes: "Since when does she need credibility?" ["Seriously. With that kind of money, I'm so sure she'll give a rat's ass how credible the American public thinks she is." -- Wing Chun] Jed advises Hoynes to apologize and move on: "You don't need to disclose details. She's going to take care of that for you. You're going to be the dinner special for two months and then you've got two and half years to get the nomination." Hoynes says he's not getting the nomination. Jed: "In the middle of MS, it looked like we were never going to recover, and we did!" Hoynes: "Which is why it's never going to happen again! That was it. That was the one you get!" POTUS retorts, "Well, I'm sorry if my multiple sclerosis was a bummer for your sex life. How the hell did you do this to us?" Hoynes looks chastised. Leo looks sad. There's a vague rumble of thunder in the distance.
Jed sighs deeply, saying, "You can't resign, John. It's a terrible signal to send." What? That taking responsibility for wrongdoing is a good idea? Yeah, don't let that get around. Hoynes argues that his staying would sabotage an entire agenda. He also thinks that the least he can do for his wife and family is not drag them through the mud any more than necessary. Jed wonders if there's more -- if there's another shoe that's going to drop. Leo says they're still going to get dragged through it: "Only now, you're going to be out there alone, with no mechanism or apparatus for a comeback. Which I'm telling you, you can do. You can make it. I can help you." Leo's face is so full of belief and confidence that I almost think Hoynes will change his mind. But Hoynes says he doesn't want to take his family through that. Leo says nothing for a moment, and then states, "You're a giant, John. You're a U.S. Senator, the Vice-President of the United States, and presumptive nominee of your party. You cannot be taken down by this...cheap person and her customers huddled around Macy's window waiting for someone to turn themselves inside out." Shades of Josh's defense of Leo so very long ago. Leo firmly announces: "It's cause for divorce...not resignation." Dude, he committed a felony. Have all these years of politics really distorted your judgment to that degree? Leo insists, "You...can't be taken down by this cheap person." Hoynes just looks sad, and grateful for Leo's fierce support, and says, "The President knows I'm right. So do you." Leo bows his head. Hoynes continues, "The truth is...I took an oath, too. So..." Jed gently asks, "Didn't you have any sense that this was the kind of person who would do this?" Hoynes: "Hasn't it been your experience that they look pretty much like the people who wouldn't?" And, you know, let's not lose sight of the fact that the real problem here is not that Helen is indiscreet, disloyal, and a sellout, but that Hoynes chose to have an affair with someone and to reveal private and classified information to her. It's not like it would be okay if she just kept her mouth shut. It just wouldn't be as big a political problem. Jed says he wants Hoynes to sleep on it: "I want all of us to sleep on it." Hoynes thanks him and leaves. Leo watches him go as the camera drifts toward Jed, sitting on the bench again, staring ahead. Very strong scene among three excellent actors. Too bad it's probably the last one we're getting.
Tuesday, 6:00 AM again. We see some shots from the beginning of the show: the taxi in the rain, Charlie walking Claire to the Oval Office. This time we see them walk past Joe in the Roosevelt Room, reading a document. We see her in the Oval Office again, telling Jed again that her car wouldn't start (which makes four times we've heard this apparently irrelevant fact) and handing him the letter. This time the scene is shot from a slightly different angle. Claire leaves, and Jed walks toward Leo's office. He opens the door, and tells Leo, "Yeah, we're going to need a new Vice-President." He enters Leo's office and closes the door behind him.