By Deborah
Props to jlt, Alexandria, and beastiegirl for blurbs and comments.
It's the aftermath of the late-night surprise birthday party for Josh. Everyone's taken off except C.J. and Donna, who are sitting on the sofa drinking beer. C.J. explains to Donna what the media fallout is going to be as a result of Josh's losing Senator Carrick to the Republican party. Among other things: "The Sunday-morning shows will hang Josh from a klieg light, use him as a piñata." Maybe when they're done, they wouldn't mind lending this show one of those klieg lights. Overall, the show isn't quite as dark as usual (in fact, some scenes are downright overexposed, pursuant to the ER-ification of this show), but there are a couple of scenes that are still just ridiculous. C.J. says the White House can't put a lid on the story, but can try to control the schadenfreude. Donna doesn't know what that means, so C.J. defines it: "Enjoying the suffering of others. You know, the whole rationale behind the House of Representatives." ["And this site." -- Wing Chun]
Suddenly, we cut to the sound of a transport truck Doppler-ing its way past Donna, who's standing on a street corner, pensive. As C.J.'s voice-over continues, saying that managing this mess is going to be all about setting the right tone: "And it has to start first thing Monday. That's where you come in." Josh gets out of a cab in front of Donna, and she goes over to him, telling him he looks nice. He says he feels good. She says he looks it. Oh, for God's sake, just kiss already. You just know this is the year it's going to happen. Can we get it over with? The suspense is boring me senseless. Josh wonders why Donna's out there meeting him on the street. Donna claims to have a crush on the little old man who runs the cappuccino stand. He must be a Republican. She bugs Josh about whether he's okay. He says he feels good. They cross the street together as he says, "I have my health, I have central air...in the hierarchy of pain and suffering, I really can't complain. I mean, I will --" A man after my own heart. He assures Donna that this thing with Carrick is a "blip," and that he can't get worked up about it. Donna: "Good for you!" Josh: "That's what we said to my grandmother when she was down to eighty-four pounds." O...kay....
Back to C.J. and Donna in the Mural Room: she advises Donna to help Josh protect his image and project a "business as usual" air. Josh should do real work, and no meetings that are "below him." Like the kind of meetings they'd stick Sam with, if he were still here -- that's what she means.
Back to Donna and Josh on the street: Donna tells Josh she set up a call for him with the Democratic Party chair for Idaho: "I figure if you can survive his wrath, you're good to go." Josh asks her to keep checking Defense Appropriations: "That launcher better not be on the bill." He asks if there's anything from Leo; there isn't, yet. Josh says that Margaret said Leo and Josh were to meet first thing in the morning. Donna says that Leo's gotten jammed up -- something about some plutonium missing in Chechnya. Josh: "Like that matters." He wonders what's going on, and why Donna met him out on the street. He thinks it's so that when she told him Leo hadn't set up a meeting yet, he wouldn't be in the building if he got upset. Donna reiterates her claim of a crush on the cappuccino guy: "Have you seen his little newsboy cap?" Josh says he's not upset.
C.J. voice-overs that if Josh came to her she'd tell him herself, but he'd never come to her: "Men are funny that way."
Josh and Donna enter the White House and Josh mutters, "I'm just trying to see around the corner so I don't get bit in the ass." Donna asks, "Are you going around the corner ass-first? You'll be fine." As they head for their offices, Donna says, "Sam called, Amy called." Whoa, whoa, whoa: Sam called? Sam Seaborn? Well, there's the offhand mention many of you asked for. Not that it really explains what the hell happened to him, but at least it's less like he was "disappeared" by the Chilean government or something for being too pretty. Donna adds: "Sam wanted me to remind you: you gotta roll with the punches." ["'Roll with the punches,' huh? I guess that's the kind of brilliant wordsmithery we should expect from the genius speechwriter we were all given to believe Sam was." -- Wing Chun] Josh asks, "Any reporters?" Donna reels off a long list of major media outlets.
Josh and Donna run into Margaret, whose pageboy is threatening to overwhelm her. I think Margaret needs a kicky new haircut. (Not the Klute shag C.J.'s sporting, though.) Margaret asks if Josh is okay. He says he's great. Margaret advises him to keep his chin up. Josh asks Donna, "Do people keep cliché thesauruses around for times like this?" ["Only West Wing writers." -- Wing Chun] Donna's distracted by a TV news report of a tornado in McLean County that's killed at least seventeen people: "I have to call my cousins!" Josh thought they were in Wisconsin. She's referring to her other cousins. Josh watches the footage of the tornado for a moment, and then heads for his office. Larry passes him in the hall and says, "Hey -- don't let the bastards get you down." Josh doesn't say anything, but pauses for a moment before going to his office. Credits.
Monday Morning, 7:12 AM. C.J., Toby, and Josh are headed for a meeting with Leo, and they're talking about the tornado. C.J. says it was a five on the Fujita scale. Josh declares it a "vast and violent vacuum cleaner, uprooting everything in its path." Is that the deafening sucking sound I hear? Toby: "It's a funnel cloud." Josh repeats, "Vast and violent vacuum cleaner." Girls, girls, you're both pretty. C.J.: "It's a vacuum cleaner and a funnel cloud. See, men? Peace on earth. How are Donna's cousins?" Josh says they're fine; they're in Tulsa or something. C.J. replies that she thought they were in Wisconsin. Huh? Then why are you asking how they are, if you didn't think they were in Oklahoma? I think Allison Janney realized this line was ridiculous, because she delivers it in this tentative, low-key way, like she's hoping no one will notice it.
Josh, Toby, and C.J. all arrive in Leo's office just as he does. He says that the FCO is requesting activation of the National Guard. C.J. suddenly talks about remembering the sound of tornado sirens, and her family cramming into the bathroom in their garage. Leo asks if they're all set for the Chancellor. Toby asks, "You had a bathroom in your garage?" Josh says that the Chancellor's flying from his UN address in New York to meet with POTUS on Wednesday. Leo: "Anything new on Carrick?" Josh: "Ye-uh -- he's a Republican." C.J. and Toby exchange glances. Leo sharply asks: "Newer?" Toby says that Haffley's planning to use the defection to slide a capital gains tax cut into their stimulus package. Leo: "Apparently it's 'Seize The Day' Day.'" Josh: "Or 'Blow Up The Deficit Day.'" When is it going to be Big Block of Cheese Day again? I kinda miss that. C.J. says to someone -- I'm not sure whom she's supposed to be talking to -- "See what you did?" Leo asks if C.J. has everything she needs for the briefing. She wonders if POTUS is going to Oklahoma. Leo doesn't want Jed to be in the way. Toby thinks that creating a photo op with a family that just lost its house might play like Bartlet's trying to improve his numbers. C.J. argues that it might make other people feel like the President gives a damn: "Photo ops aren't cynical. They give people hope." Toby: "Hope." Josh: "What is that?" Leo wants to send "Bingo" Bob: "Nobody gets hurt." He tells Toby to tell Will that Russell's going to Oklahoma.
As the meeting ends, Leo calls Josh back. Josh starts talking about the capital-gains thing, and Leo just yells for Margaret, who gets up from her desk and runs in so that Leo can ask her to close the door. Come on: Josh wasn't that far from it; certainly Leo could have asked him to do it. Was it really necessary to make Margaret jump up for that? Leo tells Josh: "Nobody's happy you lost Carrick, but we're all about moving forward, and we can't do that without you." "All about"? That doesn't sound very Leonine. Leo adds, "I do, however, have to take you to the woodshed and whack you with a two-by-four!" Josh starts rationalizing that Carrick was never really a Democrat anyway, eliciting an exasperated look from Leo. Josh cuts himself off, saying, "I'm sorry. Whack away." Leo: "Maybe the camel's back was already broken, but you gave him the straw, and then you drove over him...with a tank!" Josh looks like he might pee his pants any minute. Leo says that he and POTUS think Josh has been spread too thin, so Leo's scaling back Josh's portfolio: "Probably some of the legislative stuff." He has to talk to the caucus before he can give Josh details. He assures him that he keeps his title and his staff. Josh says "okay" and leaves. Margaret sticks her head in to say that the FEMA director is on the line. Honestly, is the intercom broken? How does she get any work done racing around like the madam at a five-dollar Thai whorehouse every thirty seconds? Josh sticks his head back in to ask, "Does C.J. have --" Leo interrupts: "'Josh Lyman is one of the President's most trusted advisors and has the absolute confidence of the President.'"
When Josh comes back to his office, Donna follows him in, saying, "Oh, thank God." He accuses her of thinking he was gone, and of having already cleaned out her desk and "mentally kicking dirt on [his] grave." She denies it all, but adds, "Now I'm doing that." Josh asks Donna to make sure he has his usual table for his dinner with Wilcox tomorrow, and to confirm the dinner. He tells her about some other meetings he wants her to set up, and Donna says, "Crack some heads, send a message you're riding herd..." He gives her a look. Donna: "I'm not helping." When did that ever stop her? Josh claims that it's a blip, and that when he writes his political memoir, this will be the "character-building funny part." Donna thought she was that part. She leaves, and Josh takes a breath at his desk. It might be the first one he's had since Donna met him on the street.
Will, C.J., and Charlie are pedeconferencing. Will says that if they want environmentalists to go along with using cyanide in gold-mining, they need to come up with a warmer, fuzzier word for it. Like what? Sunny C? Cool-ide? Charlie yawns. You and me both, pal. Will asks if he's boring Charlie. Charlie: "Sorry. I was up late paying Scopa d'Assi. It's an obscure Italian card game. The cards are in Latin." Latin? The cards I've seen don't have words on them, but the suits are Latin. I presume that's what he means. Charlie: "He told me Sinatra gave him the deck, but I think he was just trying to get me to stay longer." Toby comes through the hall at this point and says, "C.J. We need the VP to go to Oklahoma." I had to play this a couple of times to decide what happened here. I mean, he's not telling C.J. about the VP -- she was in the meeting, she already knows. I think he was just greeting C.J., and then telling Will -- without greeting him -- about Russell. Man, is Toby ever pissed. Will says he knows. Toby says, "As soon as you get space near the Vice-President, I want your office back." He takes off. Will turns to C.J. and says, "He hates me." C.J.: "Oh, yeah. The way you hate the girl you ask to the prom who says, 'No, thanks, I already have a date.' You made a choice. Now own it."
C.J. enters the press briefing and begins by discussing the tornado near Maysville. Twenty-seven bodies have been recovered and fifty people are still missing. She states, "At Governor's Wade's request, the President has declared a national emergency." Wait, a national emergency? For a tornado that affected, what, one county? Aren't national emergencies things like energy crises, AIDS, the World Trade Center attacks, et cetera? Was Maysville the epicentre of production for something Americans can't live without, which, judging from my spam, would be either Viagra, Vicodin, HGH, diet pills, or farm-animal porn? C.J. says that POTUS sends his prayers and condolences, and has dispatched FEMA Director Daniel Rubin to keep him updated. A reporter asks when General Alexander is going to present his fourth readiness assessment. C.J. says that Alexander's only been Chairman of the Joint Chiefs for a week: "Let's give him some time to find the paper clips. But if you'd care to get him a housewarming gift, he's registered at Bed, Bath And Beyond." A reporter named Chris (what else?) asks C.J. to comments on reports that the President no longer trusts Josh to work with Congress. C.J. whips out Leo's approved line on Josh. She further explains that his portfolio always fluctuates to suit the President's needs. She continues with her glib Ha-Ha's routine, which is starting to wear thin with me.
Josh is in Toby's office watching the briefing. Josh asks Toby, "You're not going to ask me if I'm okay?" Toby: "Do I look like your mommy? Take your medicine and keep your head down." Toby calls out to the random assistant du jour that he said DEA, not EPA. She comes in to take the file that's wrong. Josh tells Toby about Leo scaling back his portfolio: "Which is unmistakeably euphemistic for 'we're giving it to someone else.'" Toby keeps sorting phone messages. Josh tells him, "This is the part where you say it's not me." Toby: "Oh, this is the part?" Josh: "Yeah, I'm letting you off the hook." Toby: "This is also the part with the hook?" Random Assistant du jour -- whom I'm going to call FiFi from here on in because it's a lot shorter than "Random Assistant du jour" -- comes back with another file and says, "They're gathering in the Oval Office." Toby glances at the file and hands it back, saying it's not the right one. Fifi leaves again with the file. Josh asks if Toby thinks Leo's bringing someone in. Toby: "Probably. I would." With friends like this, who needs anemones?
Donna takes a call of support for Josh from someone. When she hangs up, she asks herself, "Why don't they just send him a wreath?" Actually, I'm surprised Amy hasn't. That's precisely her style. Swimtern zips up and saying he Googled "Carrick" and "Lyman" and there's nothing new linking Josh to Carrick's decision. Donna's incredibly impressed, as you can imagine. No doubt she sees how silly she was not to get a degree from Harvard herself. Swimtern adds, "But I did find Carricka Lymanshauser's porn site." Is that why you're carrying your notebook in front of you? "She's a Swiss sensation. Two thousand hits today." And those are just from Richie Rich. He looks Donna up and down. Donna just makes a face and walks away. Swimtern sits there smirking, inexplicably pleased with himself. What an unmitigated jackass. Is that the requisite porn mention for sweeps month? Really, what was the point of that? We already knew he was a jackass, so that can't be the reason.
At a meeting in the Oval Office between Leo and the Fab, uh, Three and the Not-so-fab One, Toby says, "Looks like Carrick's buddies are jumping on the Republican, budget-busting, Milton Friedman-worshipping bandwagon." Will asks, "The Blue Dogs are going to vote for new cap-gains tax cuts?" Josh is sullen. POTUS is on the phone at his desk. They all blah blah blah about trying to get enough Democrats to vote with them. They decide to get some guy named Singer over for a meeting, feeling that if they can turn him, they can get five or six other votes, too. POTUS gets off the phone saying, "I do enjoy Governor Wade -- minus her little love affair with handguns and tort reform." Leo asks Will if Russell's ready to go. Will reports that everything's in place. Toby warns him, "All it takes is one ambulance held up by the VP's motorcade and we'll have a three-day story." Will says it's taken care of, and that site visits shouldn't be about politics, but hope: "And, photo ops." Toby mumbles: "Photo ops are hope." Without looking at Toby, C.J. pinches him. Toby: "Ow." Jed asks C.J. if she just pinched Toby. C.J. says she's sorry, and that it was a professional dispute. Jed wants to know what it's about. Leo explains that C.J. thinks Jed should go. She says, "We need this Presidential moment. Let's not give it away to Russell. I think you should go, not because of how it looks, [but] because of what it is." She admits that she seems to be alone in her opinion, though. Jed thinks about it for a moment and then says, "Then you can sit to me on the plane." He interrupts Will's predictable objection to say that the VPOTUS can take Jed's place at the national PTA luncheon: "If he can figure out why I was going in the first place...he's a better man than I am." Nancy sticks her head in to tell POTUS that Berryhill's waiting for him in the Cabinet room. Leo reminds them that they have briefings and preps tomorrow for the Chancellor's visit. Jed stands up asking, "Say, you think he'll mention the rise in German unemployment might be tied to our bombing the Qumari pipeline?" C.J. says they can make the trip in six hours. Jed wants to do it. Coat flip! He says, "People need to know I care about more than just my own family. And since you people are all quiet, I know I'm right." Leo follows Jed out as he warns C.J. to have him back in five hours.
Tuesday morning, and the motorcade arrives in Oklahoma, along with title cards providing the first of what feels like an endless number of bulletins on the President's schedule: "10:44 AM CST (2 MIN. BEHIND SCHEDULE)." The footage is so bright that it seems overexposed. The whole thing looks and feels like ER. Jed walks up and greets the Governor Wade, a sort of grandmotherly type. She walks along describing the damage, but of course, they're surrounded by destruction and chaos. I'm sorry, but do I see palm trees in this scene? Yeesh. Well, who knows? Maybe they grow in Oklahoma. I've never been there. She says the tornado ripped railroad tracks right out of the ground. Sixteen dead are from a trailer park and one hundred mobile homes were destroyed. Governor Wade says it's always the folks with the least who are hardest hit: "These people are already pinching their pennies, what with the gas tax and the death tax...." Jed: "Here we go. What's the median income?" Some guy on his left says it's $31,000. Governor Wade: "Was." They stop as she points out where the Safeway distribution centre was. They look at a spot where little remains but debris, and workers and a few townspeople are wandering around.
Toby's looking at a document and asking Josh, "What website is this?" He says it's MSNBC.com. Imagine. Fifi brings in a bunch of files: "Here's the whole damn pile! Find it yourself, Ziegler!" No, she doesn't say anything. Josh closes the door after her and says that somebody named Kamen called, and heard Leo's already talking to people. Toby wonders how people are getting this stuff: "Tap Leo's phone?" Only the closed captioning says, "Tap Leo's food?" Hee. When the closed captioning errors are funnier than the show -- that ain't good. Toby considers the list of names apparently being promulgated as candidates for taking over some of Josh's responsibilities: David Glaser, Ned Wallace. Josh grouses, "I'm not working with some K2-climbing Rhodes Scholar with a goatee." Toby says the goatee guy complimented his shoes at the Correspondents' Dinner. Josh: "Well, that's how he sucks you in." Like a vast and violent vacuum cleaner. He continues grousing: "Angela Blake? She is such a self-promoting, holier-than-everybody...." Toby says she won't give up her corner office with a view of the park: "She works at Steerson and Wallace with David Glaser." Josh: "So she's recommending him? They say that Mason Fuller's been 'in constant contact' with Leo." Toby explains that Leo's buying Fuller's boat. Josh wonders how Toby knows. Toby says Fuller tried to sell it to him, too. Josh: "You don't have time for a boat." And Leo does? Toby: "I know. But the fifteen minutes I spent imagining what I'd name it were perhaps the happiest fifteen minutes of my life." Well, as long as you've got some perspective there, Dad.
Back to Oklahoma. 11:03 AM CST (16 MIN. AHEAD OF SCHEDULE). Bartlet continues touring the disaster area. The town had little warning since their radar system was one of the first things hit. ["Ha! Oh, irony." -- Wing Chun] They see the framework of a church that had just been started; the governor's aide says that a lot of the congregation is still missing. Charlie tells Jed they have about a half-hour. Jed asks where all the townspeople are.
In the scene, he's at an emergency shelter. It's 11:23 AM CST (ON SCHEDULE). A baby howls in the background. As Jed approaches someone and introduces himself, C.J. watches, and directs someone else to find some vehicles to get the press there. The woman says that no one told them the President would be visiting this site. C.J. urges Charlie to get POTUS through here; they have to be back by 3. C.J. phones someone and tells him or her to page Leo. He comes on the line, and she tells him they made an impromptu stop at a Red Cross shelter; the pilot says he can make it up in flight. Leo reminds her that the briefing from State on Germany is at 3. He asks that she keep him posted.
Leo turns back to the people he's meeting with, who include some Secretary or other, and H!ITG! Terry O'Quinn, who makes me think of a sort of kinder, gentler version of Gerald McRaney. He's playing Fitz's replacement, General Alexander. He doesn't seem as funky as Fitz, but then, who would? Mind you, he's got so many distinctions that his chest looks like a little Barbie-sized Amish quilt. He's been decorated more than my living-room walls. Mr. Secretary wants to focus on precision-based munitions. The General thinks that "paying for a state-of-the-art howitzer is like paying for a state-of-the-art bow and arrow." They agree to kill that initiative. topic: the General says that the Hellenic navy forcibly removed six Albanian soldiers from the Isle of Croxys, which is in the Ionian Sea. Apparently, the Greeks believe they own it: "They've raised a flag." Leo basically says bully for them and ends the meeting.
Alexander asks Leo for a minute. Leo asks him how he's settling in; Alexander indicates that it's taking time. He mentions that Fitz is a hard act to follow. Man, it's the wonky lighting again. The way the light is falling on General Alexander, his left eye is completely in shadow, giving the appearance of a pirate's eyepatch. Actually, given that he's bald, and that one eye is sort of a large round field of nothingness, it's rather...Colonel Klink. Is it really just me? Am I the only one who finds it disconcerting rather than "dramatic" to have people's faces in so much shadow so much of the time? The actors on this show generally are of such a high calibre that it's a pleasure to watch their expressions, but I'd have to be able to see them to do so. That's why I want some lighting. God knows it's not that I want to line GE's pockets. Anyway, Alexander understands that he was brought in because the administration wants to move in a new direction, but says that when they politicize career advancement in the General Officer Corps, it compromises the integrity of advice the administration gets from his officers. Margaret knocks to say that Congressman Singer's waiting in the Roosevelt Room and Triplehorn's on the phone. Leo tells Alexander he's got no idea what he's talking about. Well, whew. I thought it was just me. Alexander says that the Secretary of Defense has requested interviews with all Army generals in line for a third or fourth star. Leo: "All of them?" Yes, apparently all one hundred and fifty. Leo says they don't screen generals. Alexander: "Then I suggest you tell that to Secretary Hutchinson." Hutchinson, boy, I don't know.
Josh and Swimtern are walking through the halls; Swimtern asks, "So Carrick was a mole for the right?" He suggests getting all his contributors together to sue him to try to get their money back. Josh is doubtful. Swimtern: "Hey, you can sue McDonald's for being fat." Can I do that even if I haven't eaten at McDonald's in four years? They run into Leo, who says he was just coming to find Josh. Josh thinks they can outflank Haffley on cap-gains if they stick to stimulus. I am so sick of hearing about this stimulus package. Leo: "Yeah." He asks Swimtern to buzz off and then tells Josh, "I just got off with Triplehorn." Frink bursts out laughing. I don't get why, then I do, and I just look at him. "What are you, twelve?" I guess I shouldn't begrudge him whatever entertainment value he can glean from this mess. Anyway, Leo tells Josh the Democrats on the Hill want him to "sit this one out." Josh asks if he means the meeting with Singer. Leo says they need a fresh start. Josh: "He knows I'm supposed to be there. It's gonna look like you're benching me." Leo says he asked Toby to sit in. Josh: "Only in this meeting, or...." Leo doesn't say anything; he just looks at Josh, who asks, "The budget negotiations?" Leo says that they need the Democratic Leadership off their backs: "I'll have Toby find you after." Sure, but you might find him swinging from a rope, at this rate. Leo leaves Josh standing there, frozen, in the hallway, starting to implode. In the fuzzy background, you can see Swimtern standing there down the hall, watching.
Leo goes into the Roosevelt Room, where Toby's sharing some pictures of Huck and Molly with Congressman Singer, who says, "Honestly, the whole first year, I couldn't tell my twins apart." Toby says his are a boy and girl: "I'm thinking of getting them tattooed." Huh? That might make sense if they weren't, you know, different sexes. Also, it's a fairly unlikely comment, even as a joke, coming from a observant Jew. They get on with the meeting, and after remarking on Josh's absence, Singer informs them that there's no way he's going to vote against the tax cut, and neither are any of his "other guys."
Oklahoma. 12:23 PM CST (38 MIN. BEHIND SCHEDULE). Jed's sitting down with an elderly man, listening intently to his story, oblivious to all else. The man has cuts on his head, and he's obviously lost his wife to the tornado: "I -- I just don't know what I'm going to do without her. I don't even know what to feed that damned cat." Jed doesn't say anything.
Elsewhere, C.J. is apologizing repeatedly to someone on the phone. She hangs up and tells Charlie that the Bureau Chief from the New York Times wants to know why his reporter had to walk three miles through a wheat field. She says that POTUS promised he would only spend two minutes per person, and asks what number he's on; Charlie replies, "Three." We cut back to a wider shot of Charlie standing around waiting while Jed continues listening to the elderly man. Sometimes I think Jed would have made a much better priest than President.
Toby and Leo come out of their meeting with Singer and head for Leo's office. Toby gripes about the capital-gains tax cut. He wonders if they should be thinking about unemployment insurance. Leo says that the Blue Dogs think this would make them look pro-small business. Toby: "The GDP increase is a couple hundredths of 1%. If Haffley successfully links the tax cut to the stimulus package, he'll gonna steamroll us straight through November." Angela Blake's standing at Leo's other door, but they haven't yet noticed her when she says, "November? How about until you turn out the lights?" Toby turns around and seems genuinely dumsquizzled to see her there. Leo asks about her flight; she complains about being unable to hop a plane from LaGuardia. Leo says Toby knows her; she holds her hand to Toby saying, "I'm his biggest fan." Toby responds with a slow, perfunctory handshake. Leo says that Angela's been briefed, and asks for her input. She thinks they can get Haffley on the long-term negative impact of a tax cut. She makes her economic case, which I don't care about. Leo asks Toby what he thinks. Toby just kind of cranks his head oddly to one side and says nothing. Angela insists that they have to get POTUS into a meeting with Singer tonight. Leo yells for Margaret, but Toby quickly says he'll do it. He gets C.J. on the phone.
Oklahoma, again. 2:44 PM CST (1 HR. 59 MIN. BEHIND SCHEDULE). Toby asks C.J. if they're on Air Force One. C.J.: "Not so much." When he realizes they're still on the ground, he hands the phone to Leo, who takes it and says, "Put him on." We cut back and forth between Washington and Oklahoma. C.J. takes the phone over to Jed, who seems to be autographing some poor urchin's teddy bear. I'll bet that kid can't wait to log onto eBay. Jed takes the phone and tells Leo they're "doing good work" there. Indeed. That kid might be able to get as much as fifty bucks for that teddy bear! Leo says he's sure POTUS is doing good work; he reminds him of the State Department briefing, and informs Jed he needs to meet with Singer about the tax cut. Jed tells him to have VPOTUS do it; he's staying for a memorial service in the morning. Leo: "You're meeting with Chancellor Weissman in the morning. Sir, I --" And that's when Jed hangs up on Leo without a word and walks off, handing the phone to C.J. Leo just stands there on the dead line for a moment, until Angela asks, "What?" Leo replies: "I think the President's gone AWOL." Apparently, so have most of the talented writers who ever worked on this show.
Tuesday, 5:30 PM. Josh is sitting in his office in a bit of a daze. Donna comes in and reminds him that he needs to get going to his dinner. He asks if there've been any calls, and Donna lies and says there haven't been. But she's a lousy liar, and Josh knows her too well and gets it out of her that his mother called. He's thrown his coat on and is on his way out when he asks if Donna has the G8 memo for Leo. She hands it to him and he hustles out. Donna watches him go with a distressed look on her face. Swimtern wanders by, and she asks him what he's doing tonight. He says, "Anything you want, baby." No, he has tickets to some basketball game. Donna: "No." Swimtern: "No...no?"
Toby's just leaving Leo's office (where Angela's still meeting with Leo) as he runs into Josh, who's headed there. Toby asks where he's going; Josh says he's having dinner with Wilcox. Toby says he'll walk him there. Josh says he has to drop something off to Leo. With a slightly desperate edge in his voice. Toby says he'll take it, since he has to see Leo later. Josh obviously finds Toby's behaviour suspect, but doesn't delve into it. He hands Toby the memo and walks with him, wondering if there's any way he can help with the Singer/capital-gains thing. Josh yatters about the cap-gains thing and my eyes glaze over. Then he says, "I can c-- I...I can count on one hand the people I trust right now." Toby doesn't say anything. Josh leaves. I guess Toby's one of them, or Josh wouldn't have said as much to him. So: Donna, Toby, his mother...that's probably about it. Maybe C.J.
6:22 PM CST (6 HRS. 47 MIN. BEHIND SCHEDULE). A reporter is complaining to C.J. that he walked seven miles from the church. C.J. thinks that's a pantload. He also gripes that there are only five modems at the filing centre, and that the reporters are all facing deadlines. C.J. says she'll talk to Advance. The reporter tells her, "There's a rumour you did this on purpose: you 'spontaneously' changed the schedule so he'd seem compassionate." C.J.: "Louis, if I did this on purpose, don't you think I'd 'spontaneously' make sure I had a change of clothes and a toothbrush?" She leaves him and walks over to Charlie, saying, "I promised this wouldn't happen." Charlie tells her that Advance is working on transportation and accommodation for the press: "It'll be fine." C.J. says she promised Leo. Charlie also informs her, "The Harveys asked him to spend the night at their place." Yeah, I'll bet Ron Butterfield is real jazzed about the President staying in some private home in a disaster zone -- a house that has not been vetted or approved. C.J. wonders who the Harveys are. Charlie says that Mr. Harvey lost his hardware store. C.J.: "Here's hoping the Harveys don't have any felons in their family." Charlie says that Jed was talking to the Secret Service about spending the night in the Red Cross shelter, which seems to be in a high school. C.J.'s alarmed. Charlie says they've got generators, and they'll just set him up in one of the classrooms. Man, I can feel Ron Butterfield's blood pressure going sky-high. C.J.: "I saw a 'For Sale' sign down the street; maybe he'd like to just move in."
Margaret's meeting with Leo, telling him that State moved the Chancellor back to 1:00, but that it can't be any later, because he has to give a speech in Augsburg Thursday morning. Leo tells her to call Hutchinson's office: "We should meet early week." She leaves as Leo arrives with the memo from Josh. Toby asks what's going on at the DoD; Leo tells him about Hutchinson interviewing the generals. Toby: "That would explain why Murabayashi's trying to get permission to go on Meet the Press on Sunday." Leo hollers for Margaret, saying he needs Hutchinson tomorrow. Toby asks if Angela's taking over legislative affairs. Leo seems more surprised to be asked than I would have figured. Toby adds, "I just stopped Josh from wandering in here and finding his replacement sitting on your sofa." Leo says that Angela's not replacing Josh: "He had too much on his plate." Toby wonders when Leo was planning to tell Josh. Leo: "In the morning." Toby: "When were you planning on telling the rest of us?" Leo pauses before saying: "I'm trying to get through the week. Angela was my #2 at Labour. She'll be up to speed in about five minutes. I know you want to do more...." Toby makes a dismissive sound: "So he screwed up. So what? We all have. Is this how it's gonna be?" Margaret knocks and says that VPOTUS is there. They stand up and Toby asks, "She gonna be in the budget negotiations?" Leo replies, "She's gonna lead them." Toby seems stunned. This should send quite a message to his staff.
Morton's. Josh is sitting alone at a table when some guy named Art comes over to greet him. He asks if things are going okay. Josh says things are great. Art asks if Josh wants to join his party while he's waiting. Josh declines, saying he just got there early. Is this guy Art one of those two fussy guys Toby once had lunch with in some episode I no longer remember? He looks vaguely familiar. Somebody figure out what I'm talking and post in the episode thread. Art says he's glad Josh is doing all right and leaves. Through the glass partition behind Josh, we see Swimtern spin around on his bar stool. Then suddenly he's standing by a doorway when he hears the maître d' answer the phone and tell someone "Mr. Lyman is already seated." Swimtern pops over to Josh's table and sits down, saying, "Obi-Wan." I gripe to Frink, "He's not Obi-Wan. Toby is Toby-Wan. Who is this little churl?" Josh says that Wilcox is running late. Swimtern doesn't sugarcoat it: "No. Sorry. He's not coming. He just called the restaurant." Boy, does Josh look sad. He asks, "Donna sent you?" Swimtern doesn't answer. Josh: "Just in case." Swimtern: "What's good?" Frink: "Duh. Steak." Josh sighs. He's wondering just how expensive a date Swimtern is.
Roosevelt Room. Leo, Toby, Russell, Will, Singer, assorted aides and hangers-on. Blah blah, economycakes. Singer and Toby argue about how much money this tax cut's really going to generate in the scheme of things. Russell interrupts: "Excuse me, Toby. If I may. You're right, Congressman: if we lower cap-gains taxes, we reward the small business owners who took a risk for the economy. And I'd be the first in line to pat 'em on the back, but the thing is, the Speaker is trying to propulgate a tax bill onto an appropriations package. If we start allowing that, we're never going to get budgets passed." At the non-word "propulgate," Will, Toby, and Leo all have a mild "huh?" reaction. Great. He's Dan Quayle W. Bush. I do like Gary Cole's speaking voice, though. ["Word. He's dreamy." -- Wing Chun] Everyone's silent for a moment when Russell finishes speaking, and then Singer says, "You're saying the administration would support a tax cut if it were separate from the budget?" Leo: "We're sure as hell not going to discuss it while it's attached to appropriations." Margaret comes in as Singer suggests that they should just wait for POTUS to join them before they go any further. Leo assures "Nate" that the President considers this vote a priority. Margaret hands Leo a note. Singer says he's relieved: "I'd hate to be the rung down on his to-do list." Leo reads the note and excuses himself.
Out in the hall, General Alexander's waiting for Leo, and Leo tells Margaret to find POTUS. He and Alexander start walking, Leo asking, "The Albanians are declaring war?" Alexander says that Albania's considering the flag-raising an act of war, so now the Greek Navy is surrounding and defending Croxys. And now Albania is preparing to dispatch its fleet. Leo: "The Albanians have a fleet?" Alexander: "Some old torpedo boats and a few minesweepers, yeah." They're in Leo's office now. Leo asks: "And what's the strategic importance of this? It's a rock, isn't it?" Alexander says it's primarily used for grazing goats. Margaret tells Leo she's got POTUS on the phone. Leo continues, "It's a rock, General, not a war. President Ismaili and President Giannakos can get in a room and be big boys." You know, just because it doesn't seem especially important or valuable to the Chief of Staff of the United States doesn't mean it isn't a serious or meaningful conflict to the cultures or countries concerned. But it's that persistent myopia problem again.
Alexander leaves, and Leo takes his phone call. Jed asks if Leo was able to move the Chancellor. Leo says he was only able to move the meeting by two hours, adding, "Singer and the Blue Dogs really need to talk to you." (They're the backup band at Ha-Ha's.) Leo tries to be all about the government business, but Jed wants to talk about the uprooted tree he saw, and its sixty-foot roots. And about some guy who fought in Korea and came back completely unscathed but whose legs were crushed by a chest of drawers during the tornado, while he was asleep. Leo sighs heavily and says, "Yeah. We'll be happy to have you back, sir."
Jed and Leo hang up, and Jed wanders down a dark hallway lined with agents, and goes back into the darkened gym. It's 10:12 PM CST (10 HRS. 27 MIN. BEHIND SCHEDULE). Most people have gone to sleep. He ambles through, looking at some people sitting around a TV. He notices someone in the big industrial kitchen, and wanders over there. A Red Cross worker is cleaning up huge pots and pans. Jed says, "Hello...need any help?" She's a little taken aback, but declines, saying she's almost done. Jed claims to be pretty good with a scouring pad. She says it would just be embarrassing for both of them. Jed asks if she's with the Red Cross. She explains that she's a volunteer, and that she actually drives a school bus. Jed thinks that must be very rewarding. Not so rewarding, mind you, that he ever entertained the thought of making it his career choice. He mentions getting to know all the children and watching them grow. The woman is kind of choked up, and explains she lost four kids on her route to the tornado. She says, "At first, you're just...you're just glad it's not your kids...." C.J. comes to the kitchen door and stands there while the woman adds, "But you gotta wonder...what kind of a God would do such a terrible thing?" Oy. Lady, you should come on over to Arcadia. The questions and answers aren't perfect, but they're a lot better than this. Also, we have Mrs. LandingGod. And Hot Dog God. And it's in Maryland! What more do you want? The woman says, "We go to church every Sunday. We try to do the right thing. What kind of a plan could this possibly be?" And Jed, with all his truckloads of faith and his years of religious study and his tendency to pontificate...well, he has nothing to say. Nothing. And I don't believe for a minute that it's because he thought it was better or more helpful to be silent, or because these questions don't have easy answers. I just don't think the writers knew what to have him say. He picks up a tea towel and starts drying. C.J. stands at the door, with an expression somewhere between disappointment and betrayal on her face. It's almost...disgust? Then she walks away.
Oh. God, here it comes. One of the most excruciating moments ever for this show. And God knows it has some competition. I'd like to quit, right now, so I don't have to watch this again, but I'm just going to suck it up like a vast and violent vacuum cleaner and get through this somehow. I think if I tried to quit during sweeps, Wing Chun would kick my ass into year, anyhow. ["Don't stick around this compost on my account! You've got to put yourself first!" -- Wing Chun] Hey, it may not matter: I nearly died of embarrassment for everyone concerned the first time around; this time might just finish me off. In which case: nice knowin' y'all, and thank you very much for the chair. I hereby will it to my hapless replacement. Swimtern and Josh are riding home in a cab. Josh is so morose that he looks like he's on his way to or from a funeral, although the lighting is such that you can only see half his face. But that's how good an actor he is! I can tell he's morose with only half his face visible. You can see even less of Swimtern, which, frankly, is fine. Swimtern, trying to make conversation, asks why they call the right-leaning Democrats "Blue Dogs." Josh, slumped down in his seat, says, "You didn't have to stay and eat dinner with me to keep me from looking pathetic." It's kind of a tossup, really: is it more pathetic to be sitting there, alone and jilted, or to end up eating with Richie Rich? Swimtern claims he was hungry. Josh looks disgusted at this comment.
Josh glances out the window, and suddenly says, "Hey! Pull over, would ya?" The cab pulls over to the curb. Swimtern asks what's up, and Josh tells him to hang on as he gets out. Josh walks a short distance and screeches, "Hey! You want a piece of me? I'm right here! I'm standing right here! Come on! Come on!" He looks exhausted and close to tears. Even before the camera angle switches, you know he's yelling at the Capitol building. The composition of the shot is weird, too: the top half of the back of Josh's head all fuzzy in the left foreground, with the building in the right background. Wow, it's just like "Noel," except...not in the slightest. And not that anything short than total excision would have helped this scene much at all, but I think a shot where you could see more of Josh and how puny he looked in comparison to the building would have been more effective. Some viewers have argued that he was drunk, but I'm not buying it. Frink and I are incredulous. I just cover my eyes and squirm with embarrassment. "A piece of me"? My heart is breaking -- but not for Josh. For Brad Whitford. He's just way too talented for this shit. In the car, Swimtern looks concerned and almost moved to tears. Josh turns and makes his way back to the car. Man, this is...Anthony Edwards territory. Oh, the humanity!
Thank God for commercials. I need to air out the room after that stinkfest.
Wednesday morning, 6:30 AM. Toby's in his office when Angela Blake drops by to ask, "So are we okay?" Toby: "Sure." Angela: "I thought you might still be mad about last year at the Kennedy School Forum. Those kids'll laugh at anything. I know, 'cause I'm not funny." Toby says, "Not really, no." She asks what time the senior staff meeting is, and says she'll see him there. She leaves, and Fifi sticks her head in: "Donna called. He's just now coming in the northwest gate." Toby jumps up from his desk.
Josh is heading for his office, asking if Toby's in yet. Donna tells him to eat white food. As general nutritional advice goes, that's actually pretty bad, so I hope she's got a good reason for it. Posters in the forums thought it sounded like hangover advice, and I'll just have to take their word for it. I'd buy that Josh went home and got good and shellacked. Probably drunk as a brewer's fart. And we know he can't hold his liquor. Josh says he's fine, as Donna doles out analgesics. He insists he's okay, and that it's just a headache. Donna: "Obviously you're not okay, or you wouldn't be screaming at a building at one o'clock in the morning." Toby arrives, and Josh asks how it went last night. Toby doesn't answer; he just walks into Josh's office and Josh follows him. They don't close the door, and the camera stays on Donna's worried face as she walks back to her desk. We hear Josh bitch, "Angela Blake?" Then Toby closes the door.
Leo and Will are arriving. Leo says, "I don't mind [that] he walked into a propeller..." Wait -- what? Aren't we having enough trouble turning out something watchable here without using storylines from thatothershow as metaphors in this one? As it is, I've already been calling Leo "Rocket" in my mind for a while. He's not completely the bitter, angry little pipsqueak that Romano is, but he's in the same county. Anyway. Leo continues, "Although I'm pretty sure there's no such word as 'propulgate.' Maybe he meant 'propagate' or 'promulgate.'" Oh, gee, thank you for explaining that to us! Here I was, looking through the dictionary like a sucker. Whew. Will says that they put Russell in a room with a guy who was winding up to take a shot at the President: "He stepped in and took the shot, but he's not happy about it. You need to talk to him." Margaret marches up and tells Leo that there's a situation. Leo tells Will, "You're gonna be good at this job."
Will takes off, and as Leo and Margaret walk down the hall, I see someone on the ladder in the background. Removing light bulbs, I'll bet. This scene is altogether too well-lit. The "situation" is that Secretary of State is upset about Jed's coming back late, and wants to remind Leo of the "numerous overtures and two months of painstaking negotiations" it took to get the German Chancellor to come for a meeting. Leo: "Really? Thank him for me, would you? I'd almost forgotten the two hundred calls I had to make to Berlin." He enters his office, where he finds General Alexander waiting for him. Leo: "Oh, dear God, not the goats again!" He yells for Margaret. Get rollerblades, girlfriend. Alexander says that President Ismaili refuses to discuss a peaceful resolution to this conflict. Leo tells Margaret to let Josh know he needs to see him before senior staff. Alexander says Ismaili wants POTUS to broker a deal. Leo sneers, "What do they want -- shared custody of the goats? The President isn't a marriage counsellor, or a shepherd, for that matter." The General explains that they're trying to avoid a missile launch from one of the nine warships in the Ionian Sea. Apparently, Greece and Albania are serious about opening urns of whoop-ass on each other. Leo bellows for Margaret and tells her to find C.J. Alexander takes off, and Leo mutters to himself, "I shoulda never gotten out of bed this morning."
7:58 AM CST (20 HRS. 13 MIN. BEHIND SCHEDULE). Who really cares anymore? We get the damned point. C.J.'s talking to her local contact -- who's probably one of Wade's representatives -- about the President's role at the memorial service. The contact suggests that he could light the peace candle. C.J.: "Any chance he could actually lead the prayer? He's not so good with matches." The contact, who I'm going to call Dottie, agrees that the Governor could take the benediction and the opening greetings. Dottie carries on describing how the service will go, including having Governor Wade arrive first. C.J. insists that POTUS has to arrive first. Dottie: "People want to see the Governor first. She's a familiar, comforting face to Oklahomans." C.J.: "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the President has a recognizable face." Her phone rings and she takes a call from Leo, who says, "I'm dying here! What time are you back?" She says that the memorial service is scheduled for 10:00 AM. Leo wants to know what he's supposed to tell the Germans. C.J. says, "Whatever you do, don't mention the war!" No, I'm just fooling around. She suggests, "How about, you don't charge them for the headphones and give them some extra peanuts?" Leo wonders if that was supposed to be funny: "I've got a cap-gains tax cut tacked onto an appropriations bill, two Bronze Age civilizations threatening to blow each other up over some goats, and a major ally that's going to be in the lobby leafing through dog-eared copies of Congressional Quarterly while the President is singing 'Kum-ba-ya'! I want the President back here now, C.J. This was your idea. Fix it!" He hangs up as Josh arrives.
Josh starts blathering about cap-gains and Boeing and Leo just glares at him and shakes his head. Josh doesn't pick up the subtle hint and keeps rambling and Leo snaps, "You gotta stop, Josh!" Josh asks, "When were you gonna tell me about Angela Blake?" Leo says, "Right now." Josh protests, "She's a fundraiser, Leo! She doesn't know the Hill." Leo: "Dammit, Josh, you tried to humiliate Carrick in his home state, which is bad enough, but you failed to the tune of a party switch. You think it ends with the Leadership? You can't believe the calls I'm getting from the DNC membership, state party chairs...no one wants you here!" That Leo, always pussyfooting around. Josh's face has the mix of trepidation and hurt that Brad Whitford does so well. He's this close to crying. More gently, Leo says he's going to be late for the senior staff meeting.
C.J. goes looking for POTUS, finding him in some cheesy-looking beauty salon. He's working on his remarks, and says he's trying to remember a quote from Isaiah. He thinks he should just call Toby. My mind wanders off to some alternate universe where Jed's a priest and Toby's a rabbi and Sam is a closeted gay minister and Josh is the leader of a dangerous Mormon cult and Donna is the head wife. And C.J. is a detective. And Leo's the hardboiled head of the CIA. I don't have a plot, just characters. But it sounds pretty good so far, don't you think? God, stop me before I write fanfic. C.J. mentions that they're still haggling over who arrives first. Jed gestures dismissively: "We're the guests here. Whatever she wants is fine." C.J. insists that he needs to walk in first. Jed: "If Wade is going to get all hot and bothered...." C.J.: "I need you to walk in first. I need you to know you walk in first." He looks at her, surprised by her insistence. C.J.: "I'm sorry, sir, we need to go back to Washington." He says that they'll leave after the service. C.J. says they need to go back now: "I told Leo we'd only be here a few hours. He needs you to meet with Singer and the Blue Dogs. The Chancellor is waiting, and there's something about a war between ancient civilizations." Jed says, "These people need me." C.J.: "No, sir, they don't. Maybe they did yesterday, but now they need their town back. They need their police officers working, not clearing intersections for your motorcade! They need the fifty motel rooms we took last night for people who lost their homes! And they need you back in Washington, running the country and creating the jobs that are gonna help pay the taxes to support disaster relief and rebuilding! What are we doing here, sir?" Man, Jed looks old. He doesn't say anything. C.J. just leaves.
Margaret brings Hutchinson into Leo's office. Hutchinson says he knows that Alexander's not happy about what Hutchinson's doing. Leo says there's a command structure, and there are procedures. Hutchinson: "I am trying to transform a military establishment that hates change. It's a new world. We're facing a new enemy. We need new thinking. Speed, flexibility, rapid deployment...." Margaret busts in to tell Leo: "Air Force One, wheels up, ten minutes ago." Leo sighs, "Thank God." He goes back to Hutchinson, telling him he agrees that the U.S. military needs to modernize, but the country also needs unbiased military advice: "So I'm going to need you to stop undermining Alexander and cancel these interviews." Bet Hutchinson wouldn't try to pull this shit on Fitz's watch. Leo: "You start handing out the stars, Miles, those generals aren't going to tell you anything you don't want to hear."
Air Force One. 9:38 AM CST - WHEELS UP (21 HRS. 33 MIN. BEHIND SCHEDULE). Hey! There's footage of C.J. walking along the aisle, wearing a similar, but not identical outfit, a different necklace, and in her old hairstyle. The hell? That shot wasn't even necessary, and it's obviously footage from another season. Why include it? Then, when she knocks on the door of Jed's office, she's got the new haircut and the clothes she's been wearing since yesterday. Jed asks Charlie to give them a minute. He leaves, C.J. sits down, and Jed asks, "Are we having a problem?" C.J. says, "No, sir," but she has trouble meeting his eyes. Jed explains, "I feel as if I did more good in the last twenty-four hours than in the last six months." I suspect he probably did, and that's pretty sad, given the scope of his power and responsibilities, and I think it's also what's bothering C.J. I think it's pretty easy to get involved in smaller tasks when faced with overwhelming ones, and when it's been a long time since you felt productive, effective or at all worthwhile, it's pretty appealing. C.J. just says, "Yes, sir." Jed asks, "You resent me taking a few extra hours to console grieving people?" C.J. hems and clears her throat a bit and says nothing. Jed points out that he's asking her a direct question. C.J. replies, "Honestly, sir? I resent you ignoring the responsibilities of your office. If you want to reach out and touch people, teach math in East St. Louis after your term expires." Man, I can't believe the things she gets away with saying to him and Leo these days. ["I thought you were going to say that would be the spinoff series, when Bartlet's term ends." -- Wing Chun] I mean, I don't think C.J. cares anymore whether she loses her job; I think she half-hopes to get fired because she doesn't have the intestinal fortitude to quit. And maybe she still thinks there's some tiny hope for this administration. But at times I hardly recognize the Jed and Leo who've let it go this far. Jed asks, "So you think my staying longer was some sort of personal indulgence?" C.J. says she thinks it's been a difficult time for him and everyone. He asks what this is really about. C.J. says, "I understand there was no time, sir. I can't imagine what it was like. I don't have children." Jed interjects, "It's like I knew who I was, then I woke up one morning and didn't have a clue." C.J.: "I understand, sir, but I need more." Well, it's not about what you need, either, C.J. "You're the President of the United States. My President. I'm frightened. We're all frightened. This is...the world is too dangerous now. Unpredictable. I need you back. I need you to lead." Oy, such luncheon meat. Is she supposed to be speaking on behalf of the country? I hope not. I feel like she's going to slip and call him "Daddy." And God, my insides are still churning from Josh's attempted smackdown of the Capitol. I can't take much more. C.J. asks, "Is there anything else?
Toby appears at Josh's door and says, "Janine." Aw. That's cute. He has a little pet name for Josh. I'll bet Josh calls Toby "Tanya." Actually, he explains that's the name of his (nonexistent) boat. ["Dang, I thought this show was going to get infused with a little Scrubs mojo. Oh well." -- Wing Chun] Josh wonders who Janine is. Toby's all hurt that Josh has decided to play coy with him. No, he just smiles and asks if Josh would like to grab some lunch. Josh grins and says, "No. Thanks."
Toby leaves, and Donna appears at the door, asking if Josh needs anything. Josh says he had fifty-two "hang in there" messages on his voicemail at home. He doesn't mention that forty-seven of them are from Sam and Amy. He says that one was from a headhunter sniffing around to see if he was interested in the private sector. Donna asks if he is. He asks what about the expanding file she's carrying. She pulls a bunch of clippings and documents out, explaining that it's her "What a Shame" folder. So it must be scripts. She claims it's all the things they never have time for: "The stuff we thought we'd fix when we got here, but never did." So it's like a little job jar for Josh. Or even better: it's like that small stash of stuff your mother had for those bad weather days when you were bored of everything and driving her batshit and she needed to pull out something so she wouldn't, you know, kill you. There'd be a couple of small toys you'd forgotten about, and a new colouring book, and maybe a comic or two -- you know the kind of stuff. Donna starts going through the file: "Foreign adoption policies...hybrid energy partnerships...extending the roadless conservation plan...okay, this one's not a shame, I just didn't want to deal with it...funding special education for kids with disabilities...ammunition control...what's a gun without bullets...." The Music of Gee, Maybe I Won't Go Home And Hang Myself From My Shower Curtain Rod After All plays as Josh leans forward, looking interested. Now with all that nasty politicking off his plate, he'll have some time for things that matter. Maybe he can even find a relationship based on some model other than the mother/caretaker (Donna) or the bratty sister (Mandy, Amy). Somebody bring back Joey Lucas. Is Marlee Matlin done having babies yet, or what?
Donna keeps talking as the camera drifts over to C.J. sitting on Air Force One, looking out the window, depressed and disillusioned. And then we're over to Jed, pensive. Very pensive. Then we cut to a shot of Air Force One gliding through the air.
Well, there's an hour of my life I'd like to have back -- to say nothing of the many additional hours I spent writing this. Can I at least get free headphones and some extra peanuts? What kinda crappy airline is this?