By Deborah
Jed's at one podium in a large, woodsy meeting room. Titles inform us that they're at the Saybrook Institute for Public Policy in Faith, North Carolina. It's 1 PM. Sam's at the other podium. ("Hi, I'm Sam, and I'll be your boneheaded right-wing opponent for this afternoon. Try the crow, it's delicious.") The backdrop behind them is a big red, white, and blue flag-and-eagle-graphic extravaganza. Many staffers are in attendance, along with luminaries such as pollster Joey Lucas and Congresswoman Andy Wyatt. Bartlet says that affirmative action and quotas are about two different things: "Affirmative action is about providing people an opportunity they might not otherwise get." Sam says he doesn't know how Bartlet can talk about providing opportunity while at the same time supporting racial profiling. Jed: "What the hell is...I don't support racial profiling." Glad to hear it. You'll all be shocked, no doubt, to learn of my position on this. I'll wait while you all run to fetch the smelling salts. Sam: "Your nominee for Attorney General did. Can you tell us why you nominated him?" Jed: "'Why'? 'Cause bite me, that's why." The many assembled staffers don't care for that. They all start murmuring and "whoa"-ing. Jed: "It's been four years, Sam. How long do you want to say, 'I told you so'?" Josh says that's not what Sam was doing, and that they need an answer on Rooker. Jed wants to know what's wrong with "bite me." Josh thinks they'd lose. Toby: "Not in New Jersey." Heh. C.J. supplies, "It's never been shown that racial profiling works, and I'm against it." Josh thinks that answer's too simple. C.J. says they can make it more complicated.
Andy starts to say something, then remembers herself and asks POTUS if he minds. Josh: "No." Jed: "I think she was talking to me, there, Dexter. What?" Andy says that a lot of law-enforcement types believe profiling helps them do their job better: "Not everyone's against it." Jed reiterates his opposition. From the back, Joey says that the voters are against it, too. She doesn't get to finish what she's saying because Bartlet pipes up: "How you doing there, Joey? Kippy?" Josh: "Kenny." Poor Kenny. I think he and Katie the Reporter should have a torrid love affair; maybe if they team up they can muscle a storyline of their own and...ah, whatever. Joey says that she thinks Andy's saying that if they can spin it so this answer is about the drug war, then they can talk about successes. Jed asks Andy if that's what she was saying. Andy says it is, though I don't think she means it. C.J. says that Writchie will bring it back to Rooker and the fact that Jed doesn't know what his own position is on racial profiling. Jed insists that he knows his position.
Toby says that they're losing the question, which was, basically, what was the story with Rooker? C.J.: "We gave him our full support until it became clear that an increasingly divided Congress was going to shoot down our nominee." Toby says they didn't do that; they withdrew the nomination. Josh suggests "blowing past" the nomination issue and making a strong, unambiguous statement of support for law enforcement. Toby says that won't be the question. Sam: "Why not just say we screwed up?" Sam: "'Mr. Rooker's a devoted crime fighter. We had our differences but on this, all Americans can agree...'" He takes off his glasses in a very Jed-like way, and affects a certain pomposity of tone, as Leo slips into the room near the back. Jed, who didn't just fall off the New Hampshire maple syrup wagon, interrupts: "Excuse me...were you doing me just then?" Sam: "I was offering an answer..." Jed: "You were doing me." Sam: "I may have slipped into it, yes." Jed wants to know if anybody else in the room does a pretty good Bartlet: "It's talent night here at debate camp; anybody want to do a little skit?"
Leo gestures to Jed with a note that he's got. It's probably not the lyrics to "Kum Ba Yah" from the look on his face. Jed walks over to him. Leo whispers something in his ear. Jed reads the note, and then announces: "Apparently eight Israeli thunderfighters -- these are also known as American-made Boeing F-15E Strike Eagles -- have hit two terrorist bases in the north and south of Qumar. And while no Qumari government personnel or institutions were destroyed, Qumar, of course, considers an attack on its soil to be an act of war. So we are, as always, one bad bottle of tequila away from all-out war in West Asia." Toby and Andy glance at each other. Jed turns to Sam: "Would you like to take this one, or shall I?" Sam: "Why don't you get this one? I'll get...the one." Jed and Leo take off for the secure room Leo tells him he has. As they walk through the room, Jed says, "I agreed to be locked up with you people for forty-eight hours. How much time do I have left?" Leo: "Forty-seven hours, forty-one minutes." Credits.
Jed, Leo, and a phalanx of security people and military types walk outside toward the secure room as Leo says he's got Nancy, Fitz, Hutchinson, and Berryhill hooked in by phone, and they're waiting on Peter from State. Jed asks, "Defense Condition 3 for the bases in Qumar is what?" Leo refers the question to Mike. Aren't there about five guys on this show named Mike? I want to send Sorkin a baby name book. Mike says, "It deploys the Independence to the Gulf. They've got seventy-five aircraft." Jed asks what's happening on the ground. Another guy: "AC Striker recon says 30,000 troops are massing at the Syrian border." Jed comments that that was fast. Leo says they're not there yet. They're getting MILSAT confirmation.
Everyone enters a big red barn-like structure. There are cows door. I guess this is the "secure room." Basically, it's the Situation Barn. I hope they screened those cows pretty carefully. You have to watch out for those swarthy bovines, especially. Man, there are, like, eighteen million actor credits for this episode. Everyone gathers around a table and someone announces that Nancy, Fitz, Peter, Berryhill, and Hutchinson are all on the phone. Jed: "All right. Well, we've got ourselves a Marx Brothers movie." Someone on the phone named Ken (either Berryhill or Hutchinson -- who can remember?) says that, on POTUS's order, they'll put CTU on high alert. Jed orders it. He asks Fitz how he is. Fitz says he's fine and asks the same of Jed. Jed: "Well, we've made camp in North Carolina for prep, so I've been thinking a lot about killing myself..." This remark elicits a glance from Leo. Jed continues, "But let me ask you something: besides Qumar, Iran, Syria, Hezbollah, they've all got short- and medium-range missiles. If Israel feels threatened by them, what happens?" Fitz says they'll launch a pre-emptive strike. Leo says that, before that, Qumar shows its teeth, and then what? Fitz says they'll want something from the U.S. in exchange for standing down. Jed: "Well, for the moment, they haven't stood up, but in the meantime, let's try and think of something we can give them when they do." Leo looks annoyed: "That's what we should do in the meantime? We should think of something we can give them?" Jed: "Honey, if we're going to have this fight, can we not do it in front of the Joint Chiefs? It just scares the hell out of them." Leo backs down and says yes. You can just feel Fitz steaming on the other end of the phone, rehearsing the fight he's going to have with Leo about when they're going to break the news about their love. Jed says, "Mr. Chairman, would you put our bases in Qumar at Defense Condition 3 and put the U.S. Military at DefCon 4?" Mr. Chairman says, "Yes, sir." They all finally sit down. Jed glares over his glasses at Leo.
Andy walks outside of the meeting room, Toby hot on her heels. He tells her a list of five things he needs, most of which are debate-related tasks, but the fourth one of which is "I need you to fill out this marriage license and paperwork for a joint chequing account." Andy replies, "Okay, okay, okay, um...under no circumstances...and sure." Toby says that by his count she said "under no circumstances" to the IRC post-spin, and "sure" to... She makes it clear that she said "under no circumstances" to remarrying him. Toby: "May I ask why?" Andy: "I have the unique experience of having done it once before." Toby: "Yes, well..." She says she has to do the tasks he's given her: "A person's running for President." She takes off.
Sam comes outside and calls out to Toby. Sam is wearing a light grey t-shirt and darker grey pants that are rather too long. Toby tells him he was good in there: "Stay up in his face. Don't back off." Sam asks if Toby wants to shoot basketball for a couple of minutes. Josh comes up with a basketball and says, "He's right: don't back off." Sam wants to know what's going on between Toby and Andy. Toby says it's nothing. Sam says he thinks they're getting back together. That gets Josh's attention. Toby says they're not. Sam: "But you want to." Toby admits it. Sam does a bit of a double-take. Josh wants to be filled in on everything. Toby: "Yeah. That's what's going to happen right now." The three of them start walking through the wooded area of the grounds, toward the basketball hoop, as Toby hassles Sam about staying up in POTUS's face. Sam assures Toby that he will. Sam also tells Toby that what he said about Rooker wasn't personal. Toby asks who said it was. Sam says Jed did. Sam wants to just say that they were new and they made mistakes and they weren't even in the White House yet. Sam says it was January 5. Toby says it was the 15th. We start into a flashback as Josh asks how Toby remembers that. Toby says he just does.
Flashback. Titles say that it's the Bartlet Transition Offices, five days before inauguration. Leo comes into a meeting room, where the Fab Four and a few other staffers are working, and says he thinks Cornell Rooker is going to be the Attorney General. He sits down and says that Bartlet's on the phone with Rooker right now. Leo puts on these glasses that seem to have really thick lenses and make his eyes look quite huge. He looks like Mr. Magoo in one shot in particular. I guess that's part of the show's way of dating him, like the bad perm C.J.'s got, and Donna's somewhat schoolgirlish 'do, and the long, dorky, way-too-preppy hair on Sam. Wouldn't it be funny if they gave Leo a perm? Hee. Speaking of bad hair: Hate the preppy look. Hate. It. When Sam's hair's really preppy, he just looks like he should be playing some obnoxious guy named Skip, Trip, or Chip. It changes his whole...vibe. That's how you know it's the past, on TV: people look bad. Or at least, not as good as they look now. Not merely dated, but bad. This is sort of comforting, if you assume it means we are all going to look a lot better a few years from now, and we're all just going to keep getting better-looking and more stylish. On the other hand, it means that in a few years we're going to realize just how crappy we all look right now. Brace yourselves.
Anyway, where the hell was I? Leo says that Jed's finding out if Rooker's interested. Sam is concerned that they're not having more discussion about the candidate's more conservative tendencies. Leo wonders if Sam's referring to privacy. C.J. says that Rooker's a Democrat whose record the right wing can't complain about. Margaret comes in looking for Donna; Josh says she's at the White House. C.J. seems surprised: "She knows the old tenants are still there, right?" Maybe Donna's shooing them out. Josh says she's being taken out to lunch by her predecessor. C.J. complains that nobody did that with her. C.J. asks Leo, "Anybody do that with you?" Leo shrugs his negative answer. They go back to arguing with Sam about Rooker, emphasizing the nature of his appeal to both sides. Sam says, "Guys, our opponent had a record conservatives couldn't complain about, but he lost." An assistant knocks on the door to tell Toby that Congresswoman Wyatt is there without an appointment and is asking to see him. Toby explains that she's also Mrs. Ziegler and says he'll be right out. He asks Sam if he thinks they're going to get hit from the left. Sam does. Josh doesn't. He wants to take advantage of Bartlet's honeymoon period. Sam thinks Josh is missing the point. He just isn't sure Rooker's the right guy. At that moment, Governor Bartlet sticks his head in to say, "We got Rooker." He takes off. Sam squelches any further objection.
A guy comes out to meet Donna in the White House lobby. She looks about twelve years old with the way her hair's pulled back in barrettes. I'm always amazed at the effects that can be achieved with minor makeup and hair changes for Janel Moloney. She can look anything from almost unnaturally young to fairly sophisticated (the latter usually at award shows and photo shoots, not so much on this show). The guy introduces himself as Jeff Johnson and invites her to come to his office. She says it's incredibly nice of him. Jeff says his predecessor did it for him, and maybe she'll do it for her successor in four years. Donna: "Eight years." He chuckles at that and enters the glass cubicle that will become Donnaville. She asks if this is where she'll be working. Jeff: "Who knows? The White House reinvents itself with every administration. It's never the same." Just like Madonna. Yikes. What happens when the White House goes through its Evita phase...to say nothing of the "Justify My Love" phase? He offers to tell her some things that won't be in her briefing. He tells her never to wear her badge "off-campus" because it's like a bull's-eye. He warns her not to let her kids get the mail out of the mailbox: "You never know what separatist just sent you a chain letter." Donna says she doesn't have kids. Jeff approves, saying that there are days when she'll need to be there at 8 AM, maybe earlier, and have to stay until 6 or 7 PM. What kind of slacker administration were they running prior to Bartlet, anyway? Eight in the morning? Six or seven at night? Oh, I bet Donna laughs until she cries when she remembers this conversation. Jeff muses, "What else...the iodine tablets. Some people take them, some people don't. I did, but you can ask your doctor." She asks what the iodine's for. Jeff explains that it protects your thyroid from the radiation which is emanating from an XW-9 warhead in a silo ninety-three feet below the Eisenhower putting green. "They say it's not enough radiation to hurt you, but do you really want to take chances with something like that?" Donna: "Really? Wow. God. No." Jeff then goes on to say he has to ask for a favour. His girlfriend writes for a "teen magazine" called Twenty-One that wants to do a story on one of the young people coming into the White House. Jeff thinks that with Donna's visibility and looks, she'd be perfect for the story. Donna agrees to do a phone interview. He asks if she's ready for lunch and where she wants to go. Donna: "You tell me...I don't know anything."
Andy's waiting for Toby in a mezzanine area outside the transition offices. Toby comes out and asks if everything's all right. She says it is, but that she couldn't get him on the phone and she was in the building. She tells him: "They need another sample." Toby wants to know why. She explains that there was a blackout in Alexandria and the incubator was without power for forty-five minutes. Toby wants to talk about it a little farther away from various bystanders. Toby: "A blackout in Alexandria?" She says it's a cab ride: "Just go over. You're in, you're out, no sweat." Uh, TMI there. Toby disagrees: "No, it's not 'no sweat.' In fact, it's a little bit gruesome." Andy, skeptically: "It's gruesome?" Toby: "It's something. You get off on the fourth floor, which is clearly marked for all the other passengers on the elevator to read, that it's the Fertility Clinic. And you're trying to show with your body language that it's not you and that's impossible to show with body language. An eighty-four-year-old Welsh nurse hands you a brown paper bag with a cup and a video and points the way toward a room. I won't even tell you the name they have for this room." Andy, of course, asks the name. Toby says he won't tell her because "it's not a good out-loud word." Well, now I'm curious. My guess is...Spunk Bunk? ["Jizz Chalet? (There's always value in a visit?)" -- Wing Chun] Andy suppresses the tiniest trace of a smirk. Toby continues: "You take the longest walk of your life back to the Welsh nurse who takes the cup out of the bag and says, 'Very nice.'" Hee. Andy says, "Honey, I need you to do this...now. There's a timing thing." Toby wonders if it could possibly wait until week: "It's January 15th, Andy. I can't have a baby today." She looks slightly hurt but not surprised or angry. He says Bartlet's getting sworn in in five days: "I'm not saying never, I'm saying, can we wait five days?"She says, "Sure." She asks how it's going as he starts to back away. He says, "Rooker's going to be the AG." He heads back into the offices. End of flashback.
Back at Camp Yakalot, Kenny shouts to Toby on the basketball mini-court to let them know Joey's ready for them. Josh says: "Electoral Math." They grab their jackets and shirts and head in.
Josh is in a smaller meeting room, looking at a computer display of the United States, colour-coded to show which party dominates which state. He wonders when Georgia got away from them: "Was it...'cause we...burned it down?" Sam: "I was going to say." Joey wants to start. Blue is Bartlet, red is Writchie, grey is undecided. She takes Ohio away from Writchie and puts it back into play. Toby wonders how much money it would take to win Ohio. Joey says it's a lot more than they have there. Joey says, "We're on the air in eighteen of the top twenty-five. There's no new money to spend on this. We're going to have to move it --" Toby interrupts her to say he can't go to "him" (Bartlet, I presume) with it. Joey says she can go to him, or Bruno can. C.J. agrees with Toby: "I don't think you understand how the President feels about his home state. He's a New Hampshire Bartlet. It's been home for centuries. He's a Democrat elected to the statehouse with close to 60% and the fact that the state's in play is a real embarrassment for him. He doesn't want to campaign there because that's embarrassing, too." Joey explains that she's trying to tell her it's not in play anymore. Toby and C.J. look kind of distressed. Josh says, "Joey, no kidding, if you asked the President which he'd rather win -- New Hampshire or the election -- he'd have to think before he answered. Put a pin in it. We'll come back after prep. Thanks." As they leave, Joey uses the touch-screen functionality of the display to change New Hampshire from grey to red. Why's he losing New Hampshire? I can't remember if we've been told.
Larry: "President Bartlet, the question's to you: Governor [W]ritchie contends there's a crisis in the American family, that parents aren't spending enough time with their kids." Josh interrupts to say they're trying this again. Larry says yeah and continues, "And that your solution is essentially to have government raise children." Bartlet: "Well, that's an extraordinary and unsurprisingly dumb interpretation of what it is my administration's trying to accomplish." People clap and hoot, albeit somewhat anemically. Jed continues, "It's hard enough to raise kids today with help from family leave, subsidized day care, preschool -- we need more of it, not less." Sam: "The government can't raise kids, Mr. President. Parents have to." Considering Rob Lowe's skill at impressions, I'm surprised he's not doing more of a James Brolin here. Jed turns to him: "I have three grown daughters, Governor." Well, we'll believe there are three when we see them. For now, we'll give you credit for two. "You really want to tell me how I should raise my family? You're really comfortable with that?" Josh: "There it is." Jed: "You really want to tell other American fathers and mothers what they're doing wrong?" Sam: "Sir, I didn't say..." Jed says, "I didn't think you did, so why don't we stick to what it is that government can do, which is collect money and distribute it and stop wasting time by sentimentalizing families?" Okay, that doesn't fly with the staffers and everybody's all, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sam: "We just lost the vote of every stay-at-home mom and their husbands who are henpecked." Yes, he really says that. ["With Democrats like that, who needs Republicans?" -- Wing Chun] Jed, to Sam: "Who are you now?" Sam looks down, smiles, and says, "Sir..." Toby pipes up: "I like the aggressive answer. It's just right." Larry argues that they're letting Writchie put POTUS on the opposite side of values: "Lead with, 'I'm the proud father of...'" Jed says that wasn't the question; the question was about what he has against families: "And the answer is, I have nothing against them at all; they're simply not mentioned in the Executive Powers section." C.J. and Josh go to the back of the room to talk. C.J. says Larry's right. She also thinks that Bartlet's on the right side of this, but that they need help with the answer. She gives Josh a meaningful look. He says, "You're asking me to do that which I don't want to do, right?" What -- think? C.J. says she is. Josh agrees. She says she has a press briefing. She walks off into a flashback.
Four-years-younger-with-a-bad-perm C.J. walks into the Briefing Room, which is in darkness except for some light coming from the windows. It's weird, because if it's daytime, it seems the room should be brighter. If it's night, the outdoor lighting is incredibly bright. I'd expect it would be, for security purposes, but it almost looks like the sun is shining. I can see it's snowing. Anyway, she rehearses a little and then asks, "How's that?" We hear Carol say, "Good." Titles inform us it's two days after inauguration. C.J. asks Carol if she's sure. She says she is. C.J. accuses her of not caring. Carol admits she doesn't, and says she has boxes to unload. C.J. says she's going to stay there and practice. She starts pretending she's talking to reporters, taking questions and calling names. She then recites the names of all the reporters in seating order: "Mark, Katie, Jessie, Phil, Steve, Betsy, Julie, Julie, Julia, Kevin, Paul, Tom, Sondra, Suzanne...Mike, Danny...Elizabeth..." She gets stuck: "Eighteenth seat...eighteen, you can vote, vote sounds like 'moat,' which is a trench...Trent!" Now we know C.J. uses mnemonic devices. I wonder if Allison Janney does that herself; she is apparently amazing at learning and knowing her lines. Somebody wanders into the back of the room and knocks on the wall to get C.J.'s attention. He introduces himself as Bill Stark, of Kingspeak, a magazine that reaches over 600,000 Christian evangelicals. Wonder if he's any relation to Ann. Bill apologizes for missing her first briefing and says he heard C.J. did well. C.J.: "I can do better." Bill: "I wanted to tell you that, on December 10, all 600,000 will be praying for you." C.J. doesn't understand. Bill says that once a year, they identify the 365 most influential people in media, assign them a date, and pray for them. He hands her a small card with the list of people on it. C.J. smiles, baffled, and hesitates before replying, "I really don't know what to say in response to that sort of kindness." Bill, none too slick or opaque: "Well...maybe the administration will reconsider their position on some issues?" C.J.: "Like what?" Bill: "Um...school prayer?" C.J. says the President's made up his mind. Bill says that millions of Americans want it, and that they represent a lot of votes. C.J.: "Yes, but, we got as many as we needed for now, so..." So shove off, altar boy. Bill says he just wanted to say hi, and leaves. C.J. says she'll see him around. He turns and adds, "Oh, by the way, just so you don't think we disagree on everything, I think Cornell Rooker is terrific." He says they used to serve on a city council together: "First African-American man I've ever heard make sense on racial profiling." He walks out, leaving C.J. looking troubled.
Mrs. Landingham is in the Oval Office with Jed, who's settling into his new desk. She exclaims, "Look at this! Leonardo da Vinci: Madonna and Child with Pomegranate." Jed: "'S'nice." She gasps, "Here's Botticelli: Adoration of the Magi." Jed, indifferently: "What are we doing right now?" Mrs. Landingham explains that they're choosing pictures from the National Gallery collection. He can have any artwork he wants on loan from the National Gallery or the Smithsonian. Man, now that's a perk! How sweet is that? I couldn't give a damn about Air Force One and swanky parties, but something like this would almost make me consider running for office. Jed: "I want Apollo 11." Hee! That's exactly what Frink would pick, too. That, or maybe the Viking Lander. Or Pioneer 10. He'd want them all. ("Got it, got it, need it, got it...") Mrs. Landingham: "Well, you can't have that." Jed: "Then don't bother me." Dude! Botticelli! Da Vinci! Are you deaf, man? He complains that he's meeting with the leadership and signing Executive Orders he doesn't yet understand.
Someone knocks. It's Leo, coming in from his office. Jed: "God, I thought that was a closet." God, I thought we already made The American President. Let's not rehash it anymore than necessary. Leo explains that it's his office. Jed complains the rooms got four doors: "It's yooge!" Well, actually, he aspirates a bit more of an H in there than usual. Cute. Maybe Benjamin's told him we tease him about it on the forums. Leo wants to run through the Executive Orders. Jed notices C.J. lurking uncertainly outside one of his other doors. Jed puts on his glasses and asks Leo whether he understands the Orders. Leo says he doesn't yet. Jed hollers to ask C.J. what's she's doing. She apologizes, saying she just wanted to see Leo. Jed: "He's standing right there." C.J.: "Yeah." Jed: "Would you get your ass in here?" This earns a glance from both Leo and Mrs. Landingham. Jed asks, "Could everyone stop acting strange?" As C.J. enters and Mrs. Landingham leaves, Leo asks C.J. what's up. C.J. explains what transpired with Bill Stark. Leo thinks that's strange. C.J. says it isn't, and she's dug up a transcript: "'I'm not saying it should be active policy, but there is no question in my mind that in certain situations, racial profiling can be helpful to law...'" Jed interrupts: "Law enforcement?" C.J. says yeah. I think that would have played slightly better if C.J. didn't get to the word "law." Just a tiny thing. Jed asks Leo: "It's our second day. How do you think it's going so far?" Leo tells C.J.: "We'll get into it." She leaves. Jed: "Yes." The scene-is-ending-we're-going-to-commercial music plays.
Back in 2002, Amy's riding her bike around Washington, narrating sports commentary about herself as if she's racing in the Tour de France or something. She's wearing cyclist togs and a purplish-grey do-rag and purple sunglasses. No helmet. I guess she thinks that do-rag will protect her cranium. Maybe for her, not so much with the cycling. Her cell phone rings. Amy: "Probably a sponsor." She answers it; she's got a headset on. It's Josh. He says she's breathing very hard. It's not for you, buddy. She says she's riding. He asks, "Then what are you doing?" She says she's having dinner with Peter Harlow. Josh pauses to take that in and then says, "How's Peter's wife?" Amy says they're separated. She wants to know what he needs. Josh: "How do we stand strong for the modern family in all its quirks and not seem like we're dissing everyone born before 1962?" Amy: "By doing it." He asks if she can think about it and he'll call her in a couple of hours. She says yeah. Really, shouldn't they be able to work out their policies, their approaches, their answers on this themselves? Isn't something like this pretty close to the essence of governing? They need to consult an unemployed lobbyist who thinks all prostitution is forced? Whatever. Josh thanks Amy, and we drift off to another flashback, this time five days after inauguration.
Sam's in the White House, looking at a diagram of the place, trying to figure out his way around. His hair looks especially dorky: parted in the middle, slightly poofy, blown back. Josh rounds the corner and asks Sam if he's going to this meeting. Sam says he is. Josh asks if he's been able to find WW-160. Sam says he doesn't even know where he is right now. Josh heading off, says, "I'm looking on this side again." Sam: "Do you mind if I talk to you while we walk?" Hee! Sam is the father of pedeconferencing. Josh: "Well, we may as well get used to having meetings in the corridors from now on. It may be our only hope. I know now why they made the Oval Office a special shape." Sam tells Josh that there have been six new editorials about Rooker, one of which is from the NAACP. Josh is surprised that the NAACP doesn't want to see a black Attorney General. Sam: "No, I think they do, but they also stand for the ones who get pulled over for having too nice a car."
Josh and Sam keep going back and forth in the same general area without finding what they're looking for as Josh says he's talking to Intergovernmental. He suddenly calls out, "Does anybody know where WW-160 is?" He's in front of a long hall of glass cubicles and stops as everybody looks up at him. He says, "Hi! I'm Josh Lyman. You all work for me. Does anybody know where WW-160 is?" Ginger walks between them, saying, "I haven't seen it." Josh tells Sam, "That one hasn't seen it; she's, uh, you know...keeping an eye out, though."
Sam and Josh keep wandering as Sam says he doesn't think Rooker will be confirmed. He thinks they'll lose a confirmation battle right out of the gate: "And spend the four years with two outs and a full count. If we pull him out now, it's a story for a day and a half, until we announce the guy. If we wait a week..." Josh insists that Rooker's the guy: "This is the story." Sam: "Good. 'Cause you know why? 'Cause hubris always wins in the end. The Greeks taught us that." Sam and Josh accidentally wander past Leo's office, where Toby and C.J. are already with Leo. Toby whistles gently to Sam and Josh. I guess he wasn't yet comfortable enough to just start bellowing whenever he feels like it, as he does now. Josh says they were looking for WW-160. Leo: "Yeah. I think it's in the Kremlin." Leo suggests that they just meet where they are. Josh argues for Rooker. Sam says he's not going to be confirmed. Leo says that POTUS isn't ready to give it up yet. Toby: "Let's line up people for IP, the mornings...'Cornell Rooker has an exceptional record as a U.S. attorney...a leader in fighting employment discrimination...was college chair of...he's tough on crime, he's fair on justice.' That's the line. Say that." Leo glances at him. Toby: "Do not say that. What the hell was that? 'He's tough on crime, he's fair on justice.' Sings a song, has a moustache? What is that supposed to..." C.J.: "Toby's gone to the zoo." Leo says, "Yeah, I think we may have killed these two guys with Inauguration." Sam: "I beseech you: let me take a pass at some remarks the President can make withdrawing the nomination. We're going to do it anyway, let's do it now." "Beseech" is an excellent word. People don't use it enough. Josh: "Here it is: 'Take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker's record, you'll see he's fought for justice his entire carer.'" Josh repeats it, probably for the benefit of C.J., who's most likely writing it down. Toby says he doesn't want to be able to turn his head tomorrow without reading that quote. The meeting breaks up.
Still in Flashback Land, Josh comes out into the hallway where he finds the very perky Miss Moss saying she doesn't think there is a WW-160. Josh saunters past her with a knowing, flirtatious grin, saying, "Yeah, hey. How do you do?" He's got a magazine with him. She's all, "What?" He says he has a copy of Twenty-One ("for Generation Now." Gah). She asks if "her thing" is in there. He says it is, and reads as they walk, "'In sleek Celia Yang slacks and a classic DKNY button-down, she's not afraid to bring a note of "Let's do drinks after work" to the office.'" DKNY makes button-downs? I'm doubtful about that. Donna: "That's totally untrue, but I do like the sound of it." She kind of plays with her hair and looks adorably pleased with herself while Josh reads on: "'But as much as we love her style, we worry about her inexperience and Bambi-esque naïvete. "There's so much to learn," says Moss. "I didn't even know there was a nuclear missile silo under this place."'" Donna: "I didn't." Josh squawks, "There's not!" She says there is. He wants to know who told her that. She says that Jeff did, when he took her for lunch. Josh points out to her how Jeff set her up. Donna, smiling sheepishly, says "'Bambi-esque'?" Josh: "As does pertain to Bambi." Josh says there's a reason missile silos are kept out in the middle of nowhere, adding, "Also, there's not much point in keeping nuclear secrets from China when all they have to do is take the free tour! Did it really sound right to you, when he said it? What'd you think, we'd go to war, and Hercules rockets come flying out of the Rose Garden?" Donna looks duly chastised and softly says, "The Eisenhower Putting Green." Josh explodes, "Oh, my God!"
Josh walks off in annoyance as Donna follows him, wailing in a whiny -- and I do mean whiny -- way, "I'm too stupid to live!" She drapes herself remorsefully over a filing cabinet. Josh starts blathering that it's just like when he played the lead in Li'l Abner in the eighth grade and everyone did well in rehearsals but as soon as they did the show for real, everyone except him screwed up: "You guys all walked into the building and got freaked by the lights." I guess that's why they had to remove two-thirds of the bulbs in the place. Josh: "I walked in and, you know...something else happened." Donna says, "Well, we can't all be you." Thank God for small favours. Josh thinks they could try a little harder. She ducks under his arm, which is resting on the filing cabinet, saying that she's definitely not taking the iodine tablets. She marches off to her desk. Josh asks, "Do I have a desk yet?" She says he doesn't. He says he'll just walk around some more: "See if I can get into a pickup meeting."
Back to Camp Pal-o'-Mine. It's 7:45 PM, and Toby's walking along a path when Charlie catches up with him and asks if he's going to dinner. He is. Charlie says he's a bad friend, and that he should have been there for him. Toby doesn't know what Charlie's talking about. Charlie: "Josh and Sam talked to me. I'm on board." Toby: "With what?" Charlie: "Team Toby." Toby pauses and says, "See, I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake." Charlie says that if Toby wants to marry Andy, then so does he. Want that, for Toby, he means. Toby says he gets it. Charlie: "Do you? Because this is about love." Toby thinks Charlie has a different motivation. Charlie: "Laughs?" Toby: "Yes." They stop and face each other. Charlie: "Sure, but also as much love, really, as I think either one of us are comfortable with." Toby: "Yes." Charlie: "Well, let me start here: have you asked her?" Toby has. Charlie: "And she said 'no'?" Toby hesitates and then says, "This is excruciating," as he walks off into another flashback.
This time we see Andy, with her long hair in sort of ringlet-y curls from the chin down, sitting on the couch in Toby's office. Toby's standing at his desk drinking coffee. She says, "You're going to give me your white blood cells. Not all of them, but as many as I want." Toby: "Why?" Andy: "Because you love me." He wants to know what's wrong with her white blood cells. She says, "Nothing. It's my immune system. It's not...recognizing that a pregnancy isn't something it's supposed to attack." That sounds like just the sort of problem, given my existing illnesses, I would have if I tried to get pregnant. Great. Yet another thing to worry about. Andy explains: "So, they draw blood from you -- like a rabid dog -- clean it, thank goodness, and give me injections of your blood cells to build up tolerance. You know how you're always saying you wish people were more like you? Well...The guy's had a lot of success." Toby says he doesn't need to be sold on it and thinks they should try it. He says, "But let me ask you something, and bear in mind that I'm happy...I'm eager...to go to as many doctors as there are...but should we talk about a stop date?" He sits down in front of her. Andy: "You mean talk about adoption?" Toby: "Yeah, we can talk about adopting." Andy: "You meant a stop date stop date." Toby: "I meant adopting. I meant surrogacy. And yes, I love kids and I want them and I don't have to have them..." Andy, firmly: "I want them." Yeah, that's what everybody thinks until they actually have some. Then they never stop bitching about them. ["Word to the third, dude." -- Wing Chun] Toby: "And I'm there." Andy's not happy, but she's curiously calm. Most of the people I've known who've struggled with infertility are pretty emotional, especially in private. Andy finally accepts this and gets up to leave, saying as she goes out the door, "You're getting killed on Rooker." Toby: "No kidding." On her way out, Andy runs into C.J., who's on her way to Toby's office.
C.J. comes into Toby's office and says, "There's a problem." Toby says, "I just said a stupid thing." He kind of gestures with his head in the general direction in which Andy just left, and then asks C.J. what her problem is. She says she did a one-on-one with Danny a few days earlier about Rooker. Toby asks if she used the "take a thorough look" line. She did. And? C.J.: "He did." Toby: "Oh, man." C.J. says that Rooker had a DUI fixed in law school, but that's not what he wants to write about; he wants to write about the new administration being "the Capitol Clampetts." She asks what stupid thing Toby said. Toby: "It doesn't matter. Let's fix this."
Back at Camp Nerdmuch, Sam, Larry and a few of the other staffers are providing some post-prandial musical entertainment. They sing "Gaudeamus Igitur": "Gaudeamus igitur/ Juvenes dum sumus/ Post jucundum juventutem/ Post molestam senectutem/ Nos habebit humus/ Nos habebit humus." Which means: "We are gaudy and ignorant. We are young and dumb. After being young and silly and dumb, and after molesting some senators, we realize, finally, we have no hummus. We have no hummus." Okay, here's a real translation: "Let us rejoice therefore/ While we are young./ After a pleasant youth/ After a troublesome old age/ The earth will have us." I like mine better. You do, too. Admit it. Everyone applauds. Sam walks over to where Joey and Kippy (or Kenny -- whatever) are sitting; she asks him what that was. Sam says it's an old camp song. Joey asks what it means. Sam tells her, "We are gaudy and ignorant..." No, he tells her, "Let us be merry therefore, while we are young men. After the joys of youth, after the pains of old age, the ground will have us." He blithely adds that it's true. I think Joey likes guys who sing camp songs in Latin, because I'm getting a mild vibe of interest from her. Or it could just be that Sam's wearing the heck out of one his dark sweaters. Sam starts to walk away as Joey asks how she can get him on board with her. Sam: "New Hampshire?" She says yes. Sam: "By coming out with me." For a moment, I really thought he was asking her out. Just a moment, though. Joey: "On what?" Sam says POTUS has to spend more time in the Congressional districts they're not going to win. Joey wants to know why he should spend any time there. Sam: "To build Democratic momentum in the very places we traditionally tank. We're running comically weak candidates in these districts." He mentions the ones discussed in last week's episode. Joey says, "I can't make a pitch about putting resources in the right places and then advocate sending the President to districts where the last Democrat won by railing against Abraham Lincoln." Sam admits she's got a reasonable point. She asks if he'll help her. He says he will.
Josh wanders around camp as he phones Amy, who's on her date with Peter, on a lovely outdoor patio with lots of candlelight. I think this is how they pay for all the guest stars: by cutting the lighting budget and using candles. Maybe they learned that penny-pinching technique from Vern on Trading Spaces. Hey! If they did the show completely in the dark, maybe they could afford to pay Rob Lowe's salary demands. We could call it...radio. Let's throw that out on the stoop and see if the cat licks it up. Amy's body language -- leaning back in her chair, legs crossed and upper body turned away from her date, head resting on her hand -- pretty clearly communicates her boredom. Peter says she looks good. Amy thanks him. Her cell phone rings. He says, "I have to say, I don't remember you looking this good. Is something different?" Hey, good date talk, buddy. Not. Amy replies, "I don't know, the autumnal equinox is usually good to me, but..." Peter tells her he thinks her cell phone is ringing. Amy excuses herself and answers it.
Josh says, "Are you on your date?" Amy: "Well, I wouldn't call it that." Josh: "Listen, you probably don't want to let him know it's me on the phone. It's too intimidating. It's like going out with Cher and Sonny calls." Oh, lord. Get over yourself. Amy, brusquely: "How can I help you?" Josh asks if she has any thoughts. Amy: "Yes, Writchie's right. There's a family crisis in America." Josh: "So a radical feminist is saying women should stay home with the kids?" Amy: "First of all, I don't think I'm a radical anything." That's. For. Damn. Sure. Glad she at least knows it. She carries on, "Second: who said women should stay home? And third is, it's the capitalist treadmill that encourages scheduling quality time on a Palm Pilot. That's not how they do it in Scandinavia!" Josh replies, "But...everybody kills themself [sic] in Scandinavia." Amy: "That's hard to deny." Josh says that Bartlet's campaign needs to defend Jed's accomplishments on work and family, many of which Amy pushed for, and show that Bartlet gets what working parents are going through. Maybe they should consider hiring some people who actually have children (that aren't grown, as Leo's and Jed's are) to work in their administration; then they could get some first-hand perspectives. Hmm. Maybe I'll get my wish. Josh asks if Amy will help them. She says she will. Why is she not naming her price? I don't know. He wants to know when would be a really bad time to call back. Amy: "Oh, really, any time." Josh: "Outstanding." He walks off into another flashback.
Josh is in his office when Donna comes to tell him that a Mr. Michael Gordon of the NSA is there to see him without an appointment. Josh tells her to send him in. Michael comes in and assures Josh that he's not there to bug his office. Josh: "Yeah, but you wouldn't tell me if you were, would you?" Michael says it's about Donna, and it's probably nothing, but it's about that Twenty-One interview. Josh says the old guard was playing a joke on her. Josh says he realizes it's a bad idea for a staffer to be saying there's a missile in the Capital. Michael: "Well, the problem is, joke or not, she hit a little close to home for our comfort." He can't elaborate, of course. He takes out a notebook as Josh turns this over in his mind: "You're trying to tell me..." Michael: "Mr. Lyman, you don't have code-word clearance. We need to stay professional." He asks how long Donna's been working for him. Josh bursts out with a small snicker and says she was just duped, and that it was a huge misunderstanding. Michael keeps pressing his question. Josh says he would vouch for Donna with his life: "She doesn't know about missiles -- she's from Wisconsin!" Michael asks again how long Donna's been working for Josh. Josh sobers up and says, after a short pause, "No...look...I'm sorry. I'm sure your intentions are good, and this is just routine, but it could get tricky, and I'd like to have her talk to someone." Michael: "A lawyer?" Josh says yeah. Michael closes his notebook, saying, "Suit yourself, but until this is straightened out, I'm going to have to revoke her credentials." Josh objects that Donna's his assistant, and he wants to know how long this is going to go on. Michael says that it's for as long as it takes. He leaves.
Josh comes to the door and calls Donna over, telling her she has to go home. He explains what's happened. Donna's dismayed. Josh goes back to his desk, saying, "I'm talking to someone in Cochrane's office." Donna follows, asking what she's supposed to do. Josh tells her to take a few days off: "Go home. Go to the beach." Donna points out that it's February 2nd. Josh: "Well, then, I wouldn't go to the beach." She sadly says Josh has a meeting in Leo's office and walks out, as Josh tells her not to worry about it, and that he'll fix it.
Back at camp, C.J. tells Josh that POTUS won't be available for a while, because Fitz just got there. She doesn't know what's going on. Josh tells the people all still sitting around the dinner tables to listen up: "We still have an open question on family, we still have an open question on Rooker, missile defense, and vouchers. We start dress rehearsals tomorrow at 3:00. Let's split up in our groups. I really want vouchers by 10, missile defense by 11." Sam stands up and says, "Anybody not doing anything at midnight: Team Toby, my cabin." Toby looks apprehensive. He says, "Good," as Sam announces that their break is over.
It's 10:15 PM in the Situation Barn. Triple F (Funkmaster Funky Fitz) is there now. Master Killa J (Jed) thanks him for coming down. Mos Def Con (Leo) asks what's up. He's really happy to see Fitz. They've been apart too long. Triple F says: "The Mastico, a 200-foot Qumari cargo ship is heading east in the Mediterranean, toward Lebanon." Mos Def Con, wearily: "Is it carrying Qumari arts and crafts?" Triple F says it's carrying seventy-two tons of weapons and explosives, "including a Multiple Launch Rocket System." MDC explains to MKJ: "This fires twelve warheads with 644 M-77 munitions. It does it in sixty seconds." Triple F continues, "The global positioning device on the MLRS is how we found the ship. This is the message in a bottle we've been waiting for." MKJ: "They turn around the ship in exchange for what?" Triple F: "Access to the High Altitude Area Defense program." MDC: "That's okay, 'cause that's just the most sophisticated anti-ballistic missile system in history short of Star Wars." MKJ: "They're arming the Bahji, Leo. Two training camps of which the Israelis just attacked. I've gotta turn around the boat -- tonight. Tomorrow we'll worry about tomorrow." MDC mutters, "Well, we can invite the Sultan over for a mixer." MKJ: "Look." MDC: "A nice mixer: punch, sack races, whatnot...why [are] we playing games with these people? They refuse to catch and prosecute the Bahji; in fact, they support them in a variety of ways. Why isn't that the end of the conversation? 'We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.' We said that yesterday." Jed stares at Leo, and it seems like there's no one else in the room for a moment. Finally, he says, "Fitz?" He says he couldn't agree more with Leo, and that Nancy feels the same way. MKJ: "What's available from the Sixth Fleet?" Triple F tells him. MKJ: "Stop the boat. Don't shoot it unless I tell you to."
Flashback Land. The Fab Four are standing around Leo's office, waiting for Leo to come out of the Oval Office. C.J. frets. Leo comes in and tells them POTUS has withdrawn Rooker's name. Sam quickly says that at least it's behind them. Leo's all, not so fast, Dorky Hair Boy. He's got their report card for their first two weeks in office: "The President's approval has gone from 61% during the transition --when, I suppose, there's nothing to approve -- to 49% once there was. Forty-seven percent see him as a strong leader -- a result of bungling the Rooker nomination -- and African-American support, which basically elected him, has gone from 92[%] to 78[%]. Finally, if the election were held today, the President would be Chairman of the Economics Department at Phillips Andover Academy." They all look sheepish. Leo wants to know if anyone has anything good to report. C.J. offers that 600,000 Christian evangelicals are praying for her. Leo doesn't know what the hell she's on about. She says it's true, and waves around her "365 People in Media" card. Josh wants to know who the others are. She starts reading, "Hugh Hefner, Don Imus, Howard Stern, all the late-night guys...this is...one, two, three...this is the Editorial Board of The New York Times...this isn't a good list. This is a list of people who are going to hell!" That's a serious list. Toby: "Yes." C.J.: "They're not praying for me because they like me! It's 'cause I'm doomed to eternal damnation!" Sam: "Well, if you weren't, it'd be a waste of praying." C.J.: "You're on the list too, pal." Sam: "Can I see that?" Leo tells them they can all leave. Josh says, "We're gonna do better for you, boss." Leo takes off his glasses and tells Josh, "Do better for him." Toby and C.J. say they will, as they all go out. Leo sinks down into his chair and stares at the wall.
Out in the hall, Josh asks Sam to walk with him. He tells Sam, "You were right and I was wrong." Sam: "More often than not, it's gonna be the other way around, so..." Aw. So modest. Josh thanks him and says he's got a weird problem; he tells him about the Donna situation. Sam wants to know what the NSA guy meant by "struck too close to home." Josh starts babbling about what it means as they near his office. He starts to put two and two together. He kind of waves to indicate to Sam that Sam needn't hang around. Sam takes off. Josh walks through the doors to the area where Donna's desk is. She's sitting there with Michael. Josh: "Hi!" Donna says she's just hanging with her friend Michael, who works in the Staff Secretary's office. Josh is smiling but not looking like he's enjoying it. He walks over to them as Donna says, "By the way, you know what your name is for the month..." Josh: "It's gonna be Bambi, isn't it?" Donna: "Yeah, it's gonna be Bambi-Ass. But on your good days, I'm calling you 'Abner,' 'cause you stepped into the White House and didn't flinch." Josh shakes Michael's hand and walks off, saying, "I'm making phone calls." Cute, but I think it's overly revisionist. The Donna of four years ago wouldn't have been secure enough to pull this, if you ask me. She would be now, but not then.
In the present, Josh is on the phone to Amy again. She's standing outside somewhere. He asks how she's doing; she says she's freezing. He asks where she is. She says she's at her front door. Doesn't look like it to me, but whatever. He says, "Go inside." Amy: "I can't. I'll lose you." Does she live in a concrete bunker? We know cell phones work in her apartment. At least until they're chucked into steaming pots of stew. Josh, running up the stairs to a second-floor meeting room at camp: "You'll never lose me, Amy." Ew! Where the hell did that come from? ["It sounds like a threat." -- Wing Chun] He asks her, "What do you have?" She says she doesn't have anything but a bad case of loving him. No, she says she doesn't have anything. He doesn't believe her. She hesitates, switches ears, and tells him she doesn't know what he wants her to say. Amy hesitates some more, and then says, "I want women to have help from the government." As she starts talking, Josh races over to C.J. and holds out the phone so she can hear and write down what Amy's saying, which is, "I want women to earn what men earn. I want everyone to earn enough so that everyone can make the right choice for their family, and after that, it's none of your business who stays home and who goes to work. You don't know more about raising a family than I do." Josh says, "That was it. We got it. We'll give it a test and I'll call you back around one." Amy: "AM?" Josh says yeah. Amy says, "Good." That's it? That's their big viewpoint, their big debate position? That's an answer? To what? The string of platitudes and clichés that passes for meaningful political oratory on this show is getting weaker all the time. This isn't governance, or leadership; it's sloganeering. It's lip service. Don't people want to hear from politicians exactly what their plan is for achieving all these wonderful things to which lip service is being paid? I don't want to hear some vague mumblety-peg from politicians (who want me to pay their salaries) about how they're committed to equal rights for women or gays or whomever. I want to hear, at a bare minimum, concrete and specific plans and commitments for achieving those things. I want to be given proof of their ability to get those things done, and I want to hear them promise to do them. I want to see evidence that they are people of their word, and I want to see them work their asses off to get and keep our trust. Bah. The sort of thing Amy just said makes me dread the actual debate. I have the feeling it will be a lot of clever sound and fury signifying nothing. ["I'm not counting on 'clever.'" -- Wing Chun]
Anyway, Josh tells them to get it all in the form of an answer. Toby comes in, and C.J. tells him they got something from Amy. Charlie's behind him, and says, "He was wondering...the Team Toby meeting...Toby doesn't need to be there, right?" Toby says he wasn't really wondering that. Josh: "Why don't you just do your job as a man and get that nice girl pregnant?" I'm going to give Josh the benefit of the doubt here and assume that he doesn't know of the infertility problems he and Andy had, because if he did, that remark is just beyond the pale (never mind the tiresome, icky sexism therein). Toby drops the bomb in his usual understated way, as he breezes past Josh: "I did." Okay, I confess, I emitted a bit of a squeal here. I was expecting a backstory about a pregnancy they lost, or perhaps even a young child, but not this. Josh and C.J. are all, wuh? Toby: "Andy's pregnant." Everyone's dumbfounded. C.J./Toby 'shipperdom makes a loud sucking noise as it goes down the tubes in a big way. Josh: "Toby, Andy's pregnant?" Toby: "With twins." I shriek again. They are all even more gobsmacked. Toby holds up one, then two fingers, and waves them a little bit. Sam: "This is incredible." Everyone's silent. Toby picks up a candy or something and puts it in his mouth. Josh: "And they're yours?" Hee. Toby: "Yeah." Josh: "Both of them?" C.J. looks at Josh. Toby emits a little snorty chuckle. He says he's going downstairs. C.J. smacks Josh with a report. Charlie: "Well...we're going to have to step this up now." C.J.: "Yeah! I'm going to get hats." They all go downstairs, except Sam.
Sam's working alone when POTUS cruises through. Sam mentions that they haven't got an answer they like about Rooker yet. Jed turns and says to Sam, "You know what I remember he said to me? He said, 'Mr. President, when I hear black footsteps behind me, I'm scared. When I hear white footsteps, I'm not.'" The guy can hear colour? Interesting. Yeah, yeah, I know what he meant. Sam says he thinks they both know people who would say different. "But you have to respect him for voicing such an unpopular opinion among people to whom he's a leader." No, I really don't. I don't have to respect someone for being a racist hypocrite, actually. Jed: "You pay for these things for such a long time. Too long, don't you think?" Sam: "I absolutely do...and I don't know why we struggle with it." Jed: "We made a mistake...I corrected it. I'll make more." Sam: "Yes. Humans can't rebut that. It's prevent defense and has the added merit of being true." Jed: "Am I going to lose New Hampshire?" Sam says he is. Jed thinks and then says, "I don't mind blowing the knucklehead stuff like Rooker...Rooker's not knucklehead, but...if I'm making mistakes there, how do I know I'm not doing it when it comes to matters like death and destruction?" Sam: "Well, probably you don't, 'cause there's no manual." Jed nods slightly. Sam: "Sir, we expect the President to face the world in his own way, for his own time. Also, luckily for all of us, you have better advisors in that area than you do in domestic and political policy." Jed laughs and says, "All right. When we're done tonight, we should talk about moving money to Ohio." Sam stands up and says, "Yes, sir, and maybe making a stop in Orange County. You know, our candidate in the 47th is such a dynamo that he's in the hospital with his fourth..." Jed shakes his head sadly and says, "Not anymore. He's dead." Sam says okay. Jed says, "Let's go." Recapping this now, I realize I missed almost everything in this scene the first time around because I was so distracted by the baby news. As they get to the stairs, Jed reminds him, "Stay up in my face, okay?" Sam says, "Yes, sir."
As everyone stands up, Jed makes his way to the podium, saying, "I swear to God, the winner of this debate's going to be the President. Anybody want to be on the losing team?" Everyone, dutifully: "No, sir." Jed: "Then let's pump it up." He takes his place at the podium and says, "Let's go, Claudia Jean!" C.J. pretends to emcee the debate as the camera pulls back, the bright lights flood the picture, and she concludes, "By virtue of a coin toss, Mr. President, the first question goes to you." I tell you what, if Sam isn't running for office of some sort, probably in the 47th, I've got a bunch of anvils here I don't know what the hell to do with.