By LTG
Open on a talking head wrapping up an interview with Toby, who is identified as "author of President Bartlet's final State of the Union Address." Talking Head thanks Toby for not making the speech too long, and he tells her that they were "aiming for pith." After the cameras stop rolling, Talking Head wants to ask Toby some questions about the prescription drug coverage mentioned in the speech, but he's pulled away by Carol, who tells him that C.J. is waiting for him. In a nice touch of continuity, you can see Annabeth hovering in the background in her role as Deputy Press Secretary for Media Relations.
Walking through the West Wing, Toby runs into C.J., who congratulates him. They then exchange some dialogue that is utterly incomprehensible to me. The only thing I can make out is that C.J. seems to be mumbling some praise, and Toby seems to be muttering some resistance to accepting that praise. Toby asks if "he's here yet," and C.J. tells him that "he" is due any time. Toby wonders if "he" is ready for this, and C.J. says, "He says he is." Toby complains about the meeting's having been scheduled at 7:00 AM, but C.J. says it's the only time that would fit everyone's schedule. Apparently, "he" has some thoughts he wanted to share with everyone. Carol passes behind them, and praises Toby on the speech. Wouldn't she have done that when she saw him moments ago? He deflects the praise, and C.J. calls him on his false modesty as they turn the corner and walk out of sight. Gee, I wonder who "he" could be? Could it be Jed? Or is the animatronic version of Fitz ready to assume its duties? Oh, you say you read the episode description in the media source of your choice and knew it was Leo? Then I guess all this misdirection was for nothing.
Cut to a shot of Leo's bony claw. I'm not kidding -- his hand looks nearly skeletal. It's attached to Leo (natch), who is riding in the back of a limo while a reporter on the radio talks about Jed's asking for the largest expansion ever of the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC from here on out, kids -- I don't get paid by the letter). The thing that struck me immediately about this shot is that it was so clearly not shot on location -- the light is completely wrong for D.C. in January. I think they should avoid any shot that calls for natural light in the winter unless they are on location in a place that actually has a winter. Just two seconds after passing a glassy building, the driver stops the car and tells Leo that they've arrived. Again, a telling flaw to anyone familiar with D.C.
Leo walks into the White House and is welcomed by a security guard as he signs in. (That is, Leo signs in. The guard was already there.) Some never-before-and never-again-to-be-seen woman also tells Leo how nice it is to see him again. Wells is giving out SAG cards like they're going out of style. Leo walks down a corridor and opens a door, only to find the entire regular cast of White House staff waiting for him. C.J. leads a round of applause as he walks into the room.
Someone says, "Welcome back, boss," as Leo walks up to C.J. and tells her that he thought they were "keeping this low-key." C.J. tells him it is low-key: "Annabeth wanted to bring in the Marine Marching Band." If Kristin Chenoweth gets to sing with them, I won't object. Woman has pipes, is all I'm sayin'. ["Too bad she loves George W. Bush enough to perform at his inauguration." -- Wing Chun] For those keeping score at home, the cast of characters in the room includes C.J., Toby, Charlie, Kate, Annabeth, and Will. There are some other folks in the room as well -- I'm told that even Ed and Larry(!) were there, but it's been so long since I've seen them that I can no longer remember what they look like.
Leo walks over to his new desk, seemingly a bit at a loss as to how to deal with the group, and then he turns around and points at Toby: "Ah, man of the hour." That sets off another round of applause. Toby looks sheepish, and Will calls him on his false modesty. Toby rejects the diagnosis: "It's actually self-loathing." Annabeth tells Toby to "stop being such a pill." You know, I've heard people use that word all my life, and I've never really understood what it meant, so I looked it up: "a tiresomely disagreeable person." I think if Toby stopped being that, he would disappear in a ball of smoke. Leo is about to start saying a few words, but C.J. cuts him off so that he can accept a gift they all bought him. As he starts to open it, beepers start going off around the room -- first Kate, then C.J. Leo opens his gift: "My very own defibrillator." I blame John Wells for the fact that I have start learning how to spell words like "defibrillator." Leo once again starts to address the group when there's a knock on the door -- it's a military type, looking for Kate. She leaves, and Leo starts again: "I rather unexpectedly found myself with a bit of spare time on my hands, these last few months." Will's cell phone starts ringing, and he leaves to take a call from Bingo Bob. Leo is talking about the need for an internal assessment when Kate sticks her head into the room and asks for C.J. Leo continues as his audience dwindles.
C.J. steps out in the hall, where Kate tells her that there is a large demonstration outside the U.S. embassy in Bolivia. Apparently, it has something to do with a statement made by the U.S. ambassador. Kate tells C.J., "It's being seen as interfering in their election." C.J.: "The guy is a socialist, who says that, if elected, he'll immediately halt their coca eradication program." I assume that's not a description of the U.S. ambassador -- although, if it is, I would like to attend some of those embassy parties. Kate tells C.J. that she'll call the Department of Defense and speak to the "Undersecretary for Low-Grade Conflicts." You can usually find him hanging out with his pal from the Department of Agriculture, the Undersecretary for Low-Grade Meat By-Products. Oh, and on the hair front, Kate is still in the ponytail. I'm really starting to give up hope.
In Leo's office, he's soldiering on through his remarks when C.J. sticks her head in to get Charlie. C.J. and Charlie take off walking down the hall. She tells him that there's a situation in Bolivia, and that she needs him to speak to Margaret to see what meetings he can cover and what meetings can be moved. I know that Charlie is great and all, but I have to agree with the forum posters who think that it's a bit much for someone of his rank to suddenly be taking meetings that C.J. was going to run. If I were heading to the White House expecting to meet with the Chief of Staff, I think I'd be pretty pissed to find myself foisted off on the Deputy Special Assistant to the Chief of Staff. No matter how cute he is. C.J. asks Charlie what Leo's talking about, and he tells her, "I'm really not sure." They pass Will, who is still on his cell phone with the Veep. He seems to be having some kind of disagreement with Bingo Bob, but we don't get many details. However, we can hear him tell the Veep that he doesn't think a week is long enough -- but for what, we don't know. Yet. By the way, I thought cell phones weren't supposed to work in the White House?
Back in Leo's office, Ed and Larry (I think, and in no particular order) are wondering if they didn't just do an internal assessment while preparing for the State of the Union. Leo starts to respond when Carol walks in to tell Annabeth that "the Labor Secretary's panicked about his press conference." Annabeth excuses herself, telling everyone on the way out that "it's about time [the Secretary of Labor] got a good spanking." Toby gets a worried look on his face, and excuses himself to make sure Annabeth doesn't go overboard with the corporal punishment. Charlie sticks his head back in, but he's not returning to hear the rest of Leo's remarks. He's there for Ed and Larry. Once they leave, Leo is left alone with a woman we've never seen before. After a few awkward seconds, she asks him, "Are we done, Mr. McGarry?" He gives her a small smile, says, "No, not yet," and turns to the whiteboard behind him. Picking up a marker, he writes "365" on the board, underlining it twice for emphasis. Credits.
Office of O. A doctor is taking Jed's blood pressure while Abbey sits nearby and looks at a book. The doctor notes that Jed's balance has returned, and asks if he's in any pain. Jed, always the smart-ass, responds with a question of his own: "Physical, or existential?" The doctor wonders what the chance is of getting a straight answer from Jed, and Abbey speaks for the audience when she tells him not to hold his breath. Jed tells the doc that he's feeling no pain, "spiritual or otherwise," and then tells Abbey that she doesn't have to go. She doesn't think that's an option: "They'll think we're northeast Yankee elitists." Now Jed speaks for the audience by pointing out that they are northeast Yankee elitists. Abbey tells Jed that he could make the occasional effort, and he is completely dismissive: "Five-hundred laps around an oval. An entire sport predicated on the expectation of the Grand Guignol." He mispronounces Guignol with a soft "g," and Abbey immediately corrects him: "Guignol, connoting the sanguinary, buckets of blood, like hockey." The doctor has realized that they are speaking about the autocar races, and he tells her that she's in for a treat. Abbey seizes on this to point out to Jed that "there are people with most of their teeth who are actual NASCAR fans." Jed wonders whether the doctor is really a doctor, and the doc tells him that he graduated "first in [his] class, University of Daytona." Abbey tells the doc that Jed likes to be the funny one. Kind of like me. Abbey asks the doctor if Jed is well enough to join her, and the doc tells her that Jed shouldn't travel. Jed is completely transparent in faking his disappointment, and Abbey accuses the doctor of colluding with Jed so that he could get out of a day at the races. Jed kisses Abbey on the cheek, and on the way out of the office he tells her that Grand Guignol refers to "horror and sensationalism, not blood. Look it up." I did, and he's right.
Jed walks over to the door that connects to C.J.'s office, knocks on it, opens it, and says, "The President will see you now." Toby, Kate, and C.J. file in. Kate tells Jed that someone whose name sounds like "Zalia" is polling a close second in the Bolivian presidential election. He had been in fourth place prior to the U.S. ambassador's unfortunate remark (whatever it was). C.J. points out that "there's concern about rioting outside [the] embassy," and Kate asks Jed to make a statement reaffirming U.S. impartiality in the election. Jed thinks that such a statement would be silly, because nobody would believe that the U.S. is not interested in the outcome of the election. Kate points out all the bad things Zalia will do if he's elected, including "remov[ing] all U.S. imperialist forces from Bolivia." Jed points out that the current government invited those "imperialist forces" into the country. Kate refers to Bolivia as an ally in the war on drugs, and Toby suggests that "since no one ever wins and it never ends, maybe we should stop calling it a war." Kate points out that the U.S. has "two thousand troops and seven battleships in Latin America, and our pilots engage daily in hostile gunfire [as opposed to friendly gunfire?] as they spray coca fields, but we don't have to call it a war." C.J. suggests that they call it a low-grade conflict. I suggest we call it a futile effort to impose the burden of stopping drug trafficking on other countries instead of taking real steps to decrease demand in the U.S. But C.J.'s idea is catchier. Toby suggests some language that would affirm American neutrality in all elections, and Jed supposes that he can live with it. They move on to the item on the agenda.
Debbie's office. She asks Leo if he wouldn't prefer to wait in his own office, and then tells him, "I'm sure you could go in and join them." Leo is content to wait, and when she offers him some water, he says, "I'm good, Deb." She observes that Leo has never called her "Deb" before, and tells him that Jed sometimes calls her "Deb": "I actually kind of hate it." Leo apologizes, and she tells him it's no big deal. When he asks her whether she's told Jed about it, she points out that it can be kind of difficult to find time to raise things like that.
Kate emerges from the Oval and apologizes to Leo for having to run out that morning. She tells him it would be great to get his perspective on the Bolivia thing, and he tells her to feel free to drop by his office any time. She starts to walk away, and then turns back to suggest that they set up an actual appointment for 3:30 that afternoon. Some people have said that they thought Kate was coming on to Leo in that scene, but my impression was just that she was trying to see if they would be on good terms after butting heads so much earlier in the season. Besides, everybody knows she's got the hots for Donna. Kate walks out of Debbie's office, and Leo notices a painting on the wall. He asks Debbie, "Was that Thomas Paine always there?" Debbie thought that it was Nathan Hale, but Leo is certain it's Paine: "These are the times that try men's souls." Huh. I always thought Paine wrote "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party." Or maybe it was "The quick red fox jumps over the lazy brown dog." Debbie thinks Tom should get over himself.
Back in the Oval Office, C.J., Jed, and Toby are discussing some issues related to the EITC. Jed tells them that $10 billion is the goal, but that he's realistic if there's bargaining to be done. C.J. points out that during the State of the Union, there were thirty-six interruptions for applause. Jed: "I don't know what's more depressing -- that we count them, or that I care." Or that the members of Congress choreograph their response to the speech so much. 'Cause that's the part I find sad. Jed tries to shift credit to Toby, who naturally seeks to evade it. C.J. tells Jed that Toby is "doing his annual sack-cloth and ashes bit." Didn't I once see a sack-cloth and ashes show at Fashion Week in New York? Gaultier, maybe? Jed is used to Toby by now: "I used to think it was a way of harvesting even more compliments. Now I understand it's just self-abnegation and clinical despair." Yup, that's our Toby. Debbie knocks and sticks her head into the office to tell Jed that "Leo McGarry" is waiting, and to remind Jed that he's late for an NSA briefing on Chechnya. Jed and C.J. both seem surprised to hear that Leo's been waiting, and Jed tells Debbie to send him in. He also asks her to "do that knocking thing again in five minutes." As she leaves, he calls out, "Thanks, Deb." She stops for a second and looks as though she's about to say something, but thinks better of it as Leo squeezes past her to enter the room.
Leo enters the Oval, Toby and C.J. having left through the other door. Jed tells Leo how great it is to have him back, and Leo points out that everyone's been saying the same thing: "I'm not quite sure what you want me doing." Jed wants him to do what he always did: "Make me smarter." Leo: "By comparison? Absolutely." I think that's why Wing Chun keeps me around. Jed is looking at papers on his desk, and not really focusing on Leo. In turn, Leo seems kind of uncomfortable. Overall, this is an awkward scene. Leo congratulates Jed on the State of Union, and then they briefly discuss the Bolivia situation. Leo is just asking Jed if he's given any thought to how Leo might make himself useful without undermining C.J. when Debbie knocks on the door. She apologizes for interrupting, and tells Jed that President Trenier is holding on the phone. Jed tells Leo that he can help him out by dealing with the French, but Leo begs off with a "non, merci," leaving the room so that Jed can take the call. As he's leaving, Jed asks him to have dinner with him that night. The scene ends with Jed picking up the phone and giving a hearty "Bonjour, Mr. President."
Cut to the Communications pool, where Annabeth and Charlie are speaking as they enter her office. She tells him that the EITC has a boring name. Charlie thinks that the EITC "is the one government program that actually sounds like what it is." Annabeth: "Exactly. D-U-L-L." Charlie continues to speak as Carol comes in to get some papers from Annabeth. Charlie thinks the EITC portion of the State of the Union was a highlight of the speech, but Annabeth thinks that's true only "if by 'highlight,' you mean 'a chance for viewers to wonder whether they're going to have sex that night or plan what they're going to wear in the morning.'" Or maybe plan what they're going to wear while they have sex that night. Charlie talks about the virtues of the EITC during a time when the number of Americans living below the poverty line has increased to thirty-six million. Annabeth doesn't want to discuss the merits, she only wants to talk about the name: "You've been working on this for two months and you can't come up with a catchier handle?" She thinks he needs to come up with something like "marriage penalty" or "death tax" as a new name for the EITC. Ah, so by "catchy" she means "deceptive and misleading."
Leo's office. Margaret enters and looks around the office, which has been stripped of nearly all furniture: "Leo, who did this to you?" He tells her that he did it, and she blames herself for not choosing the mahogany furniture. He clarifies that he just wants to keep things simple. An overhead shot establishes that he has a very small desk (or table), large enough only for the lamp and telephone that are sitting on it; the whiteboard; and a television on a stand. Other than that and the chair under his ass, the room is empty. That's pretty damn simple. Margaret takes it all in and says, "It's a look." She's carrying about fifteen videocassettes, and she tells him that she found everything but the second inaugural. It turns out that he asked her to gather footage of every one of Jed's State of the Union and Inaugural Addresses. Since those fifteen videocassettes are supposed to represent all of the speeches in a seven-year period, I have to think that Jed has turned the State of the Union into a twice-a-year event. Or that he gives some damn long speeches. (The non-flip explanation for all the tapes is that these videocassettes are probably professional-grade Betamax tapes, which likely hold only an hour each. So a single address might very well require two tapes.) Margaret can't figure out where to put the tapes in the non-cluttered office, and Leo tells her that the floor will be fine. As she's arranging the tapes, Kate sticks her head in to tell Leo that word has come in that eight American contractors have been kidnapped in Bolivia, perhaps by supporters of Zalia. She invites him to join the meeting that is going to happen in the Sit Room, but he begs off, saying, "Oh, I'm sure you can all handle this." She looks surprised that he doesn't want to jump in and take control. Even more surprised is Margaret, who looks as though she thinks this is an imposter who's going to ice her as soon as she turns her back. She just stares at him, flabbergasted, and back away from him as he walks toward the door and closes it. And then Leo puts a tape into the VCR and pushes play. The tape starts in the middle of the speech. Come on, people -- "Be kind. Rewind." It's not just a sign in a video store -- it's a lesson for life. Commercials.
Situation Room. Jed has obviously just entered, because everyone is standing. As they sit, he asks for an overview of what's happening. Kate tells him that eight U.S. contractors were kidnapped in the Bolivian jungle and are being held by people claiming to be supporters of Zalia, who allege that the contractors are actually CIA agents who are in Bolivia to disrupt the election. Through a series of questions and answers among C.J., Kate, and the Secretary of Defense, we learn that the contractors work for a U.S. company that has a contract from the State Department to eradicate coca, and that they wear camouflage fatigues and carry weapons when they do this. Jed hits the nail on the head when he points out, "The difference between what they call them and what we call them is more like dolphins and porpoises rather than lions and bats." Or turtles and tortoises. Or rabbits and hares. Or John Wells and a hack. Jed asks what the kidnappers are demanding, and Kate tells him that they haven't made any demands. The fear is that the entire thing is just an election stunt to increase anger against the U.S., which might result in more support for Zalia. Jed tells the assembled group (and the CIA Director in particular) that he wants to be certain the eight men were engaged in coca-eradication efforts and were not involved in anything having to do with the election: "It may not make a hell of a lot of difference, but when we call [Zalia] a liar, I'd prefer we be right." Jed wants to move on to the crisis, and Kate announces that "a three-foot hole has appeared in the DMZ fence" separating North and South Korea.
C.J. is walking from the Sit Room to...somewhere else, when she runs into Toby. They engage in the most pointless pedeconference ever. Here's the gist: the Bolivian story is going to knock other announcements out of the news, and the U.S. history in Latin America is such that we don't have a lot of credibility there. Oh, and C.J. enjoys seeing Jed smack down the Director of the CIA. As Toby peels off from the pedeconference, C.J. runs into Will and asks him to thank the Veep for assisting with "State of the Union follow-through." Will starts off by saying "about that," so you know nothing good is going to come. In all of human history, nothing good has ever followed the words "about that." Even "about last night" has a better track record. Will tells C.J. that Bingo Bob is willing to "shill" for a week, and then it's back to the campaign. So it would seem that, in Will's phone call at the beginning of the episode, Will was trying to persuade the Veep to spend longer than a week pushing the State of the Union agenda, and Bob refused. Whatever I think about Will, I have a certain admiration for someone who can so forcefully defend a position with which he disagrees. C.J. walks away from Will, saying, "On second thought, maybe don't thank him so much." And then she walks into a room and apologizes to the Governor and other assembled dignitaries for keeping them waiting.
Toby is at the door of Annabeth's office. She's on the phone, but he doesn't let that get in the way of telling her, "The First Lady's gonna be attending a stock car race." Annabeth gives a thumbs-up and says, "Hell yeah!" When Toby seems confused by her response, she explains (while still holding the phone to her ear), "colorful regional colloquialism betokening enthusiasm of a visceral if not rowdy variety." Since when is "hell yeah" a regional term? Are there some people in the Upper Peninsula who don't use the phrase? Or Upper Saskatchewan? Or the Upper West Side? (Yeah, I just like places with "upper" in the name.) Toby wants Annabeth to prep Abbey. She thinks that's an easy job: "It's a bunch of cars going fast around an oval. There, I'm done." Toby thinks it's more difficult than that: "There are fish-out-of-water concerns. This is your dream come true. Eliza Doolittle gets to tutor Henry Higgins." Annabeth is rightly offended by Toby's "implying [that she's] some kind of hayseed hillbilly hick." Toby confirms my suspicion -- it wasn't an implication, but more of "an emphatic assertion." Annabeth warns him that, as a rube, she knows how to throw down. By this time, she has ended her phone call and walked over to a bookshelf, where she steps on a small box so that she can reach one of the shelves. He asks her to teach Abbey some of the vocabulary. Annabeth: "For starters, no one 'attends' a stock car race. You're just goin'. Like as not, goin' drunk." Toby thinks it's unlikely that "Dr. Bartlet will be getting liquored up." Now it's Annabeth's turn to confirm a suspicion of mine: "Too bad. Otherwise, it gets kind of boring." Toby stresses that they want to avoid a "flyover values" problem. It's Annabeth's turn to be confused, and Toby has to explain the term "flyover country." I won't insult you by repeating the explanation. I will say that in all the years I've lived in New York, Boston, and Washington, I've never heard anyone use that term in a non-ironic sense. And I will also say that the producers of this show are about eight years behind the curve in exploiting that phrase. And I will say that I'm having trouble thinking of anyone besides my dead grandmother who wouldn't know what the phrase means, because it's been used ad nauseam in virtually every medium I can think of. And that is all I will say. Carol interrupts them, and Toby leaves Annabeth's office.
Leo continues to watch old State of the Union and Inaugural speeches. If I were really motivated, I would do some research to try to learn if any of the snippets we are hearing have been used on the show before. But I'm not, so I won't. Will stops in the doorway and asks Leo what he's watching. When he hears that it's the State of the Union, he tells Leo, "I don't remember hearing that last night." How can Will hear anything with his head so far up Bingo Bob's ass? But it turns out that the snippet Leo is watching is from Bartlet's second State of the Union. Will just dropped by because he felt bad about walking out on Leo in the morning, and he wants to know if there's some time they can catch up. Will wonders whom he should coordinate with to set up a meeting, and Leo says, "That'd be me." So they set up the meeting for 6. Will leaves, and Leo goes back to watching the speech. There's a great shot of Leo's face as he watches the monitor -- through the window over his shoulder (which looks out into the assistants' pool) you can see Will stop and look at him for a second, a thoughtful look on his face.
Toby is in one of the conference rooms. He and Charlie are meeting with some Democratic members of Congress, and Toby accuses them of bailing on the President by not being willing to fight for the full amount that Jed asked for the EITC. Jed asked for $10 billion, and one of the Congressmen present estimates that they can maybe get $500 million. One of the Congressmen says that the Republicans are going to insist on additional accounting measures to make poor families prove they are eligible for the EITC. Charlie, who is sitting to Toby, thinks that will only set up a barrier for people to apply for the credit that they are entitled to. Uh, Charlie? I think that's the point. Someone hands a note to Toby, and he tells the unseen person that he'll be available in a few minutes. The only Congresswoman in the room tells Toby that he's available now, because they're done. Toby's pretty pissed: "We are not done, and you are not bailing!" But they point out that without the normal effort by the President to get out of the White House and sell his proposals, they don't see how they can overcome Republican opposition.
Toby, Charlie, and C.J. are pedeconferencing and reviewing the meeting we just saw. Toby says that if the Congresswoman "wasn't a woman, [they] might have had to throw down." C.J. gives him a surprised look, and he explains that it's a regional colloquialism. I'm assuming that C.J. understood what he said, and was just surprised to hear Toby say it. Charlie asks, "So the EITC is just dead." C.J. looks over her shoulder at him and says, "No, no, Timmy, there's a nice farm out in the country where it can play with other dogs." I think that if C.J. spent less of her free time watching Turner Classic Movies, she might have more time for a social life. They wonder how the success of the evening turned into the awful day they are having. Toby runs down the list of things that are going wrong, and when they turn the corner into C.J.'s office, she has one more thing to add to the list: "And now, no furniture." That's not quite true -- there is furniture in C.J.'s office, but it's all on end, unassembled, and scattered about the room in a wholly unusable fashion. Margaret enters the room to tell C.J. that the Speaker is waiting for her, and that the Director of NOAA needs to speak with her to discuss a potential flood in Hawaii, and that she has a meeting with Leo (who walks in right behind Margaret). Margaret also points out that the new furniture arrived. C.J. takes the meeting with the Speaker, asks Charlie to deal with NOAA, and apologizes to Leo for having to bail on him. As everyone but Leo and Margaret walks out of the room, there's an awkward pause. And then Margaret just mutters, "Busy day," before running back to her own desk.
Toby runs into Will in a corridor, and just rips into him: "One week? One week, in support of the man who plucked him out of obscurity." Will tries to argue that Bingo Bob was "a widely known Congressman," but Toby's not buying it: "You and I made fun of him together." But Will points out that it was Jed, and maybe Leo, who picked Russell to be Veep, so if Toby's going to be mad, he should be mad at them. When Toby accuses Bob of only supporting the President when it's in his own interest, Will wonders, "Oh, I'm sorry, have the rules of politics been suspended this year?" Toby thinks it comes down to disloyalty, and when Will defends Russell's loyalty, Toby tells him that it wasn't the Veep he was talking about.
Leo is changing videotapes when Charlie comes into his office and asks him what he's watching. Leo tells him that he's watching "old State of the Unions" (which is the correct plural form, as we established through much discussion on the forums, so don't email me), and Charlie wonders why he's watching them. Maybe he just misses Sam's writing? But Leo tells Charlie that he's just curious, and then asks how Charlie is doing. Charlie tells him that he feels "a little whiplashed. Last night was such a high." It turns out that his sister threw him a party because he got a line in the speech. It was "We must help those working hardest to help themselves." Leo likes the line, and they talk about the problems the White House is facing in getting an expansion of the EITC. Leo agrees with Annabeth that the name is not the best. Charlie asks, "Maybe if it had a more memorable name, it'd be easier to fight for?" Yoda...I mean, "Leo" just nods and says nothing, and Charlie goes on to muse aloud: "It think if we could define it more clearly as a tax cut, so a vote against it is seen as raising taxes on the working poor. I don't see how you could easily oppose it." If I were a bigger geek, I would throw in some kind of Star Wars-inspired joke about The Force here. But I'm not, so I won't.
Toby walks into the communications pool, where everybody is watching something on a monitor. He asks Carol what it is, and she tells him that it's the wife of one of the kidnapped contractors. The wife is speaking to reporters about how she's been trying to find out who will act to help her husband, and she's just been getting bounced around by her Congressman and various agencies: "No one will take responsibility." Welcome to Washington. Annabeth calls out sharply for Toby, and he defeatedly staggers toward her office. Commercials.
C.J. breezes through Debbie's office, telling her that she needs a few minutes with the President. Before C.J. gets through the door of the Office of O, Debbie tells her that he's not there. Throughout this entire scene, Debbie barely glances up from the book she's reading. C.J.'s surprised to hear that Jed is not in the office, since she did not have any events or meetings for him on her schedule. Debbie tells her that he's in the residence, and C.J. starts to walk out the door that leads there. Again, as C.J. almost gets to the door, Debbie stops her, telling her that Jed is "napping. Not to be disturbed unless there's an emergency." C.J. mumbles that the nap wasn't on her schedule, and Debbie confirms that it wasn't on hers either. I have to say, part of the point of taking a nap is that it isn't a scheduled activity. At least, not once you leave kindergarten. C.J. asks Debbie to let her know as soon as Jed is available, and Debbie finally looks up from her book: "My first call."
Annabeth slowly walks into Abbey's office. Abbey asks her, "So, are you the one who's going to teach me proper speedway decorum?" Annabeth promises to teach her "how to win friends and influence yokels." Abbey points out that "if [she]'d made a crack like that, [Annabeth would] think [her] a terrible snob." I love hearing Stockard Channing use that uppercrust diction of hers. Just about my favorite scene in Six Degrees of Separation was the one where she was at a dinner party hosted by Kitty Carlisle Hart -- the two of them could make Queen Elizabeth feel like a peasant. Annabeth neither concedes nor denies her own hypocrisy, instead asking Abbey what she gave up in order to accept the invitation to Martinsville. It turns out it was an NIH symposium on "molecular structures and bioimaging." Abbey doesn't think it would have a lot of crossover with NASCAR.
Annabeth starts by reviewing the dress code: "Jeans, t-shirt. Oh, and can you borrow the President's leather flight jacket?" Abbey thinks the outfit sounds a bit inappropriate, but Annabeth points out, "There'll be women in bikinis in lounge chairs in the RV park. Inappropriate's still a ways off." And there are people who attend football games with their faces painted and wearing giant blocks of cheese on their heads -- that doesn't necessarily mean that people expect the President and First Lady to dress that way if they attend a game. And are these bikini-wearing lounge-sitting RV-camping women valkyries? Because Martinsville is in Virginia, and in January that is hardly bikini country. Annabeth suggests that there's something she and Abbey can bond over when it comes to stock car racing: "We're both women." Apparently, women make up 45% of the audience at NASCAR events, "more than any other major league sport." Abbey wonders why that is, and Annabeth tells her that there are a lot of theories, but that her favorite is that "it's the drivers. They're a bunch of studs. Well-built hotties running around in tight-fitting fire suits." Abbey bemusedly repeats the word "hotties," and Annabeth confirms that the drivers are "hottsie-tot Hottentot hotties...Ma'am." At the end of that sentence, Annabeth suddenly gets this shy look on her face and looks down and to the side. That was a very stagy bit of acting from Kristin Chenoweth, and the only noticeably sour note she's hit thus far in her portrayal of this character. Abbey starts to protest that she doesn't think the attractiveness of the racers is that important, when Annabeth suddenly slaps down a headshot of a driver on the table between them. She follows it up with two others. I have no idea who these guys are. Abbey doesn't seem especially taken with them, but she doesn't look away from the photos either. They both comment on the eyes of one of the drivers, who Annabeth confirms is "a favorite." First of all, I have to say how insulting it is to women to assume that they are only interested in a sport because the men are hot. Second, these guys are cute enough, but there are plenty of other hot fellows playing football, baseball, and soccer. And finally, at least the guys in those other sports are actually visible to be ogled while they compete -- NASCAR drivers spend 95% of their time in a car, wearing a helmet. I believe that lots of women have very good reasons to be NASCAR fans, but I can't believe it's just because the drivers are hot.
Toby and Kate enter C.J.'s office. C.J. asks them if they saw the contractor's wife in the news. They both did. C.J. tells Toby that he's going to have to brief, and he asks if they are absolutely certain these guys were not CIA. Kate tells him that they weren't, but C.J. doesn't really want to emphasize that fact: "They're U.S.-paid mercenaries. Former military, most of them. Special ops, seals, Marines." I assume she means Navy SEALs, and not, you know, seals. Because Bolivia is landlocked, and I'm not sure how useful seals would be in eradicating coca there. Toby agrees that it's a "distinction without a difference," and Kate disagrees. C.J. tells him the message is that "they weren't doing what they've been accused of." And with that, she leaves for a meeting. I really hope the guys who are setting up her furniture in the background have a sufficient security clearance to be hearing all this talk about the CIA and mercenaries. It turns out that Charlie was also in the room (where, I have no idea), and as he walks out, Toby asks him if he's seen Leo. Charlie tells him, "He's in his office, watching State of the Unions." Toby is surprised to hear the plural, and Charlie tells him that Leo's watching old speeches.
Leo's in his office, futzing with a lamp. I think he's changing the light bulb, although I'm not certain. As the light comes on, he keeps looking at it as if he's never changed a light bulb before in his life -- as if he expects the lamp to explode or something. Kate comes to his door -- it's time for their 3:30 appointment. She walks in the room and slowly asks him what his day has been like. He tells her that it's been quiet, and she tells him that her day has been exactly the opposite. In addition to Bolivia and North Korea, there's been something going on in Burundi. She expresses some frustration with the system of U.S. contractors operating in other nations, in which there is very little government control, "and a whole lot of money changing hands." Leo asks her if she knows these guys, and she responds, "Not these, but...yeah, I know these guys." And then she gives a little speech about the stupidity of American anti-drug policy in Latin America, which basically amounts to acknowledging that the people there hate us because we destroy their crops and poison their land with herbicides. She apologizes for the rant, saying, "It's a crappy day. It's my annivorsary." Leo is confused, and as her beeper goes off, she explains that it's the anniversary of her divorce. I love Leo and all, but I think it's really odd that Kate would share this with him. First, I don't think she really knows him. And second, even the kinder and gentler Leo is still kind of intimidating, don't you think? Leo didn't know she had ever been married, and she explains that she was married twice. Leo: "Hopeless romantic." Kate: "Hopeless, anyway." I sense nearly universal agreement with that statement. She asks Leo if he'd ever been married, which seems rather stupid, seeing as how he is still wearing his wedding ring. But he holds up a finger and tells her that he was married once. She's just about to ask him what he wanted to talk about when an assistant comes in and tells Kate that she's needed elsewhere.
Jed walks briskly into the Office of O and bellows out, "Debbie!" She runs in and tells him, "That wasn't very long." He tells her that he gets enough of that kind of talk from his wife and daughters. Debbie is undeterred: "Naps are restorative. Churchill took them." Jed points out that "Churchill also maintained a twenty-four-hour buzz. These days, people who drink that much are encouraged to go to meetings." Or they're hired as TWoP recappers. Jed also doesn't think naps are very restorative: "Every nap I've ever taken in my life has left me feeling groggy and on edge." He must have been a joy as a child. Debbie starts to fill him in on the calls he missed while he was out.
Charlie walks into Annabeth's office, where she is sitting in an armchair, bent down over a pad of paper. He stops in the door, and say, "You're right." She smiles, and responds, "About so much. To which specific or category of things are you referring?" He's talking about the EITC, of course. He agrees with her that it needs a better name, something that will make it harder to fight against. Carol steps in and tells Annabeth that Deputy Secretary Marsden is holding for her. While Annabeth goes to her desk, they brainstorm some ideas, eliminating "work aid," "work tax," "employment incentive," and "poverty tax" before finally settling on "poor tax." Charlie thinks that it's "hard to argue on the floor of Congress to institute a poor tax." I really hope they follow up on this in later episodes, because I don't see how this could play out. I mean, you could accuse people who want to cut the EITC of favoring a poor tax, but how does it translate into language that would induce people to support an expansion of the EITC? He thanks Annabeth, and leaves her to take her call.
Leo's office. Even though it's still light outside, Leo is closing his blinds. I just don't understand these people. Toby comes in and apologizes for having to run out that morning. He tells Leo that he's heard Leo's watching old State of the Unions, and half-jokingly wonders if there was something wrong with this year's speech. Zen Master Leo turns it back on Toby, asking him, "What do you think?" Toby points out that he wrote it. Leo won't be deflected, though: "You seemed remarkably uncomfortable accepting praise, even for you." Lord help me, Leo's turning into my shrink. Toby asks Leo what he's doing: "Watching old speeches and reading about the Founding Fathers? We don't have time for you to sit around like a garden Buddha parsing out fortune-cookie wisdom. We're being buried alive here. Get up and grab a shovel." Leo just grabs a pad from his desk and starts reading quotes from Jed's old speeches, quotes in which he directly challenged Congress based on its actions or lack thereof. Leo tells Toby, "Last night, you pulled your punches." Toby breathes in and says, "It was well-received." Leo thinks that's not good enough: "It's easy to applaud for something that nobody's gonna make you stand up and pass." Leo reads a strong quote about the failure of the war on drugs and the need to reevaluate it, and tells Toby that it was in the draft for last night's speech. Toby says that he cut it. Leo asks, "Who told you to?" Toby, as he does so often nowadays, erupts: "Nobody. Nobody had to. You've had a heart attack, and he can't stand up! The day after every other State of the Union, the President launches a month-long road show to stump for what was in it! This year, I get Bingo Bob, and a week." And then Toby's beeper goes off, and he walks out of the room.
Commercials. What did we ever do before we had "systems" to clean our toilets?
Jed enters the Sit Room, and everybody stands. He says that he wants to see "it," and a video starts playing of one of the kidnapped contractors. He identifies himself, and says that he and his compatriots "will be released pending a fair and free election." C.J. thinks that a "fair and free" election is one that Zalia wins. U.S. planes are conducting a search for signs of the missing men, but so far there have been no results. Jed wonders if the Bolivian government will help, but Kate points out that they don't want to risk appearing too friendly to the U.S., lest it push even more voters to support Zalia. C.J. asks the obvious question: "If we find them, who mounts a rescue if not the Bolivians? Tarmacorp? Us?" The Secretary of Defense immediately nixes the idea of "us" doing any rescuing. Kate points out that Tarmacorp's equipment is too out of date: "They go down, we end up with more contractors to find and rescue." SecDef points out that the contractors are not U.S. troops. Kate: "Why, because we pay 'em through a middleman?" I can't believe I'm saying it, but...go Kate? Jed wonders if Zalia will really free the men after the election. C.J. thinks it will only happen if he wins.
Kate and C.J. talk as they are walking away from the Sit Room. It will be hard to find the men without a tip. C.J. wonders if the guys will be able to hold out until the election. Kate thinks that "when you're being held, ten days is a long time." C.J. asks her if she's ever been held. I would think her mother must have held her, no matter how ugly she was as a baby. Kate hasn't been held, but she's held people: "Twenty-four hours is a long time." Doesn't that sound like an excessive amount of snuggling? And wouldn't your arms cramp up?
Will walks up to Leo's office and taps on the door. Despite the fact that the blinds are closed, you can still tell that it's daylight outside. Which it isn't, in D.C., at 6:00 PM on a January day. But whatever. Leo asks how Will is doing, and he responds by telling Leo that he has to go back to New Hampshire in a day, and that they are up ten points in the polls: "Getting tired of people treating me like I sold my soul to the devil." Leo asks, "Do you think you have?" So, at this point I think Leo's role on the show could be filled by that psychoanalytic computer program someone wrote a long time ago -- the one that just takes every statement you make and turns it back into a question. Will is quick to declare that he does not think the Veep is the devil: "And I don't think I sold my soul. I may have rented it out for a bit." Leo asks him why he would say that, and he claims that he was "mostly joking." But not entirely, because you're never entirely joking when you say something like that. Will reveals that he's not entirely sure what he thinks of Bingo Bob. Leo suggests that he "catalogue his qualities." Will points out that there's no need to catalogue Bob's negative qualities, since everyone knows them. As for his positive qualities, Will says, "He's plain-spoken, he's clear and direct. He doesn't have a multi-track mind like the President. But that's not always a bad thing." And don't forget, he's kind of hot. But even with the hotness thrown in, that's a pretty damn short list of positive qualities for a potential president. Will tells Leo that he's recently realized that he's "spent the last year-and-a-half looking for what [Leo] saw in [Bob]. [Leo] and the President, when [they] gave him this job." Will believes that because Jed and Leo picked Russell as a potential successor, they must have seen something in him that made them believe he was presidential material. Leo has his back turned to Will when he hears this, and you can see the tiniest look of panic cross his face. Will tells Leo that he always assumed that he would eventually see what Leo saw in Russell, and he really wants to be able to compare notes. But he knows that's not possible: "He's my guy, and I've got to figure him out on my own." Truer words were never written in any gay advice column in the nation.
Carol interrupts the discussion and tells them that they've got to see Abbey. They walk out into the Communications pool, where they run into Toby. The monitor is displaying footage of Abbey with the winner of the race in what seems to be called "Victory Lane." She's standing with her arm around the winner (a very handsome man), and the commentator mentions that he appears to be going in for the ceremonial kiss. Sure enough, he gives her a kiss on the cheek, knocking her sunglasses askew, and then gives her a big hug. His back is to the camera, so you can see her hand come up to give him an awkward pat on the back. By the way, the MSNBC title reads "Today's Top Stories: First Lady Attends Martinsville Speedway Race." Gimme a fucking break. Toby asks Annabeth if she briefed Abbey on the ceremonial kiss. Annabeth doesn't think it will be a big deal, until Carol announces that Abbey is on the line for Annabeth and Toby. Annabeth: "Who gets pissed about kissing a NASCAR driver?" Let me try it, and I'll see if it makes me angry.
C.J. is on the phone with the Governor of South Dakota, discussing some potential disaster that might take place. Leo hears the tail end of the conversation, and after C.J. hangs up, he asks her if there's trouble in South Dakota. She tells him that there will be in "about a thousand years." Apparently, Mount Rushmore is moving. So far, it's moved about an inch. Leo looks around the office, admiring the decorations: "And nobody thought to put fresh-cut flowers on my desk, despite the eighteen acres of gardens right outside." Now I'm picturing some White House gardener, smitten with C.J. and putting fresh flowers on her desk every morning before she arrives at work. Margaret comes in and tells C.J. that there's a call from the Majority Leader, and Leo prepares to leave so that she can take the call. But after taking a breath, C.J. calls out to Margaret and asks her to tell the Majority Leader that she'll call him back. C.J. tells Leo that she could have used him in the Sit Room. He tells her that he heard she had it under control. They sit down, and he looks at her for a second, and then he smiles and says, "You're doing great." I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- Leo has the most gorgeous smile. I think ratings for this show would improve significantly if the would just replace the little NBC bug in the bottom right corner with a small picture of John Spencer smiling. Margaret comes in to tell them that the President is in the Residence. C.J.'s confused for a second, until Leo tells her that the message is for him because he's dining with Jed. C.J. apologizes for not having a chance to speak to him, and they agree to try again tomorrow. As he leaves, he turns back and tells her, "It was easier, for me. You as my Press Secretary. Sam, Josh, Toby...It took me a year to figure out what the hell I was doing, and those were the easy years." C.J. is surprised to hear that there were any easy years, but Leo thinks that they were "easier than this."
Jed and Leo are eating in the Residence. Jed asks Leo how his food is, and Leo tells him that he's having trouble getting used to his new heart-healthy diet. Jed can sympathize: "At least it resembles actual food. Abbey's got me on this macrobiotic diet." Hmmm, on second thought, that doesn't sound much like sympathy at all. Jed says that he would kill for a burger. Leo just wants "the occasional light cream sauce, without everyone reacting like it's a suicide attempt." Jed gets a look in his eye and says, "So, tonight, Abbey is out of town. We could turn the Residence into a fort and sword-fight with empty paper towel rolls." They both laugh. Jed walks across the room to get some coffee, and Leo asks him if he feels good about the State of the Union. Jed says that according to the press he got, he "set an ambitious national agenda." Leo asks him, "Is that what you think?" Jed doesn't respond, instead asking Leo if he's had a chance to figure out what he wants to do in his new position. Leo asks Jed the same question, and Jed gets ticked off: "Don't do this, Leo, not the day after the State of the Union." Leo thinks that everyone is walking around as if the administration is finished: "We have three-hundred-and-sixty-five more days." Jed thinks he needs to face reality: "It's Year 8, it's a Republican Congress, and I'm hemorrhaging staff." Leo lists some of the things that were mentioned in State of the Union speeches, and wonders why they haven't pursued them. Jed says that they had to narrow their focus, and Leo wonders why they haven't widened it instead: "What are you saving your political capital for?" Jed thinks that he has a responsibility to the party, but Leo thinks that his first responsibility is to the country: "The American people sent you here for two terms. Eight years. So the last one's gonna be harder. I've never known you to shy away from a fight." Jed: "I've never had to make a speech based on the maximum amount of time I could stand up." Leo says that in all the excuses he heard that day, "nobody mentioned MS." Um, I think Toby did, when he talked about how Jed couldn't stand up. Is short-term memory loss a side effect of a heart attack? Leo points out that the Gettysburg Address was only 272 words and four minutes long. Leo tells Jed that what he wants to do is fight for the bigger issues. Jed: "Said the man with the double bypass." Leo sits down and looks at Jed before saying, "Both of us, sir, this is our last game. Let's leave it all out on the field."
Close-up on the sign-in book at the West Wing entrance. We see Toby and then Charlie sign in. A subtitle tells us that it's 9:57 PM. Toby asks whether Charlie has any idea why they were called in. Charlie does not. Toby complains about not being able to eat his dinner just as Kate walks up behind them: "You want to hear something depressing? This disrupts my evening not one bit." Well, Kate, if you'd do something with your hair.... They run into Will and Annabeth. Annabeth is not happy: "Ten o'clock? I had a date tonight." Will is surprised to hear that she had a date. In a slightly offended tone, she says, "I always have a date."
The five of them enter the Oval Office, where C.J. greets them. Toby asks what's going on, and she tells them that Jed should be right down. Jed enters the Oval, and after confirming that everyone has arrived, says, "Follow me." Along the way, they continue to mutter about what might be happening.
They arrive at Leo's office, where he has set up a few chairs in a semi-circle facing his desk and the whiteboard. Jed thanks them for coming in: "I had dinner with an old friend tonight. I thought everyone should hear what he had to say." Leo picks up his pad and reads to them: "'The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. 'Tis dearness only that gives everything its value.'" Charlie looks at Toby (or maybe Jed, it was hard to tell) and asks if the quote is from him. Will tells Charlie (and us) that it's Thomas Paine. Toby tells Charlie, "He said ''tis'. Might have been a clue." Leo talks about how much time they spend on crises and problems. You start the day with big ideas, and then a crisis pops up, and then another: "Pretty soon, it's the whole day. The problem is, we're running out of 'em." He steps to the whiteboard, erases the 5 in 365 and replaces it with a 4. For good measure, he writes the word "days" after the number and draws a big circle around the whole thing: "That's how much time we have left. We have the ability to effect more change in a day in the White House than we'll have in a lifetime once we walk out these doors. What do you want to do with them?" C.J. suggests that they make a push on health care, and in just a few seconds everyone is throwing ideas onto the floor. Leo writes them all down, like a good brainstorming facilitator. I don't think old-school Leo would have ever done that. Fade to black.