Previously on The West Wing: Ainsley's office sucked; Josh was contemptuous of Donna's dating choices; Danny had no problem dating C.J. but happily, the reverse was true of her; old-Sam-with-the-better-hair pounded his fist in frustration when he was writing badly.
Heavily escorted motorcade, lights and sirens, you know the deal. In the back of the President's limo, Charlie is telling Jed that someone wants to meet with him on the way back. As it turns out, it's the Assistant Energy Secretary, who is flying to Portland in the middle of the night so that he can meet with POTUS on Air Force One the way back to D.C. Jed seems to find this somewhat improbable, and bemoans some of the ways in which his life has changed since becoming President.
On a bus elsewhere in the motorcade, C.J. is standing at the front, instructing the members of the media about the trip. She mentions that the Gerald Wegland, Assistant Energy Secretary, will also be on the trip. She adds, "As well as Mr. Latham, the head of the White House Military Office, or 'Whamo,' as we have apparently taken, over my strong objection, to calling it." C.J. seems tired, and she definitely carries the demeanour of a weary schoolteacher herding a bunch of ungrateful and difficult kids on yet another largely pointless field trip. She's also not having a good hair day, or hair show, as the case may be. ["Oh, did you think not? I thought it was okay, but then, I preferred her shorter 'do of last season." -- Wing Chun] She mentions that Sam will also be on the trip, as will she. Danny, always helpful, pipes up that he thought she wasn't going on the trip and wonders whether she's being punished. She claims she's not. Danny asks, "If the whole bus goes off the record, will you tell us why you're going on the trip?" She pauses and finally admits, "I made fun of Notre Dame." Everybody groans and shakes his or her head and mutters, "No, no, no." She protests, "I usually get away with it!" Someone tells her that they're playing Michigan tomorrow. She says that she knows that now. Danny adds, "You can't bring that stuff when they're playing Michigan." She humourlessly says, "Well, I'll have a lot of time to think about that on the midnight ride to Portland, Danny." She tells them they should be arriving in Portland a little after midnight local time.
The limos pull up to Air Force One, where Leo's waiting for Jed. When POTUS gets out of the car, Leo tells him he just got off the phone with Bruno and Hess. Jed pretends not to hear what Leo said and asks, "You didn't say, 'Michigan sucks'?" Leo goes along with this, but fairly humourlessly: "We're standing pretty close to the engines, so it may have sounded like I said, 'Notre Dame is going to get the ass-kicking they so richly deserve.'" Leo goes on to tell Jed that Bruno and Hess, whoever they are, told him "they" (meaning some arm of the U.S. government) stopped a tanker in the Gulf. It's got the flag of Cyprus, but it was tracked coming out of Qais. Jed learns that it's believed the tanker has oil, and that they're going to board the tanker. He and Leo walk toward the plane and bid each other farewell. C.J.'s walking up at this point and Jed greets her, saying that he thinks it's great that she decided to make the trip. C.J.: "I believe I was ordered to, Mr. President." Jed: "Yes! I remember now. You made one of your funny, funny jokes. Put it on. Put it on!" She objects that she's wearing Max Mara, which seems like something of a non sequitur, not to mention a product placement. It's not the only one in this episode, either. She keeps objecting, he keeps insisting, and finally she puts on a Notre Dame baseball cap, muttering, "Please let no one see me like this." The hat is not going to help the bad-hair-day problem one bit. ["Perhaps shooting and re-shooting scenes in which she doffed and donned the hat led to the bad hair?" -- Wing Chun] They've reached the top of the stairs to the plane and he says, "Hey, photo op," and as she mutters, "Oh, good God," he turns her around so that photographers at the bottom of the stairs can snap pictures of the two of them. He waves warmly, she waves perfunctorily. He grabs a file from an aide and walks into the plane saying, "Let's hit the sky!" Snuffy's theme music swells. It really is perfect for this show.
Back at the White House, Josh is talking to Leo on the phone about the tanker problem. Leo's saying that he wished Jed had cancelled the event, and that it's a long flight. D.C. to Portland? What's that, maybe three or four hours? I dunno. You all know about me and my problems with geography. For the first couple of decades of my life I thought California was where Florida is, and vice versa. ["To Oregon? That's far. It's five hours from Toronto to Los Angeles." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Josh says that POTUS likes long flights, because he gets to talk to everybody and think out loud. Leo says, "Yeah, but then he lands." Josh mentions that he's going to be meeting with Matt Skinner tonight. Leo says, "He's gonna say that the language in the bill doesn't prohibit..." Josh interjects, "But it creates a federal definition." At this point we see Donna enter Josh's office, wearing a tight, dressy red shift and tidying things up. Leo makes it clear he's going to be around late that night, because the President's going to have to make a decision from the plane. Josh says that he has to go, because Donna's going to seize the phone. She turns off the light, and Josh adds, "Leo...he likes long plane rides." Leo just says, "Yeah," and Josh hangs up. He asks Donna whether he can have his electricity back. She says no, because it's time to go. He says that he can't, because Matt Skinner's coming down from the Hill. She asks when this happened. Josh says, "Two minutes ago. Did you have plans?" Donna's indignant: "Did I have plans? Look at me!" Josh looks. He says, "Hey, you look good!" Donna says, "Yes, I do!" He points out, "You weren't wearing that during the day today." I would hope not, although I have worked with people who would. Donna replies, "Pity the girl who tries to get something past you, Josh." He asks her if she stole the dress. She says that she bought it, but he accuses her of planning to return it tomorrow, which she admits she is. He says that's stealing. I don't know if it's technically stealing, but it is icky. They argue about whether or not what she's doing is stealing. Donna says that she's a girl on a budget, and I don't doubt it. We know the White House isn't churning out millionaires the way Microsoft did. He wants to know her plans. She says they're having drinks, dinner, dancing and dessert. Josh says, "No problem. You can do all those things except for the drinks, the dancing and the dessert. And you need to be done with dinner in an hour and five minutes." She's exasperated: "Josh! Do you see what I'm wearing?" She opens her coat, which she just put on, cocks her hip a bit, and poses. His answer to this: "If you want to have sex, you better do it during dinner." She says that this is "the" guy, that this is a great guy and his name is Todd. Josh says that she met him for five minutes at a party. She says that she got the good vibe. Josh has a weird smile on his face and turns away, as if he might burst out laughing if he kept looking at her. Donna insists she has an excellent sense about these things. Yeah, I'll bet. Josh whirls around again and glibly announces, "Actually, you have no sense about these things! You have no vibe. You have terrible taste in men, and your desire to be coupled up will always and forever drown out any small sense of self or self-worth that you may have." Yeowch! Way to cut someone to the quick, buddy. Despite my "Yeah, I'll bet" a couple of sentences back, I still would not have put this to Donna this way. And if I were her, quite frankly, this is where I'd be slapping him upside the head with my resignation. But it's Donna, and while she's clearly very hurt by Josh's words, she absorbs this body blow fairly quickly, and declares that he's a "downer" and that she's going to call him "Deputy Downer" from now on. Don't forget his sidekick, Passive-Aggressive Pete. She walks away, and he tells her to be back by the time he's done with Skinner. Why? Why does she have to come back? What for? What in God's name has to be done at roughly 10 PM on Friday night that can't wait?
On Air Force One, Sam is sitting in a big comfy chair, staring catatonically ahead, a document held limply in his left hand. The captain is announcing the flight plan and altitude. Sam eventually gets up and walks over to where Toby is sitting in a nearby area. Toby wants to see whatever it is Sam's working on; Sam says that it's not done and insists that it's not good. He says it's not going well. Toby points out that they've had meetings about it for the last three weeks; Sam counters that he's not confused about policy. Sam says it's just that he's not writing well and he'd rather not distribute this to the pool quite yet. A steward comes up and asks for their dinner order. Toby orders a club sandwich, a Jack Daniels and ice. Sam says he doesn't want anything; Toby says he has to have something. Toby orders a club sandwich for Sam, too. Toby picks up his things and walks out with Sam behind him. They run into C.J. coming down some stairs and Toby says, "Nice hat." C.J.: "Shut up." She's still standing on the stairs so she's towering above the two of them, which makes for a fairly odd visual. Toby tells her that he and Sam are going to work for a little bit and that she'll have copies to distribute to the press in about three hours. C.J. says it was already distributed. Sam's alarmed and says she has to get it back. She says she can't get it back and that they know he's polishing it. He says he's doing more than polishing it and that she has to get it back. She says that they're not going to read the old draft, but he's afraid they might: "It's very bad writing and it's got my fingerprints all over it!" Toby takes off with Sam in tow, and tells C.J. to try to get it back, as the steward comes up asking for C.J.'s dinner order. Sam sticks his head back in and asks her to get it back. She agrees half-heartedly. She walks along with the steward dogging her; she finally orders a pasta salad. As she walks along, POTUS catches up with her and asks, "What does the Island of Qais mean to you?" She says that she knows it's kno
wn as a rendezvous point for Iraqi oil smugglers. He tells her that, about two hours ago, they stopped a Cyprus-flagged ship called the Nicosia and that they believe it's carrying petroleum products out of Iraq in violation of U.N. sanctions. C.J., filling in for Donna, who's otherwise engaged, asks, "What do we do when that happens?" POTUS explains that they board the ship, test a sample of the oil to determine its point of origin, and if it's black-market, they fine the oil company. C.J. asks whether the oil company doesn't still get to sell the oil, and whether the profit from that sale doesn't exceed the fine. Jed confirms that it dramatically exceeds the fine, and asks C.J. what she thinks they should do. She replies, "If we're going to have sanctions, have sanctions. There should be genuine disincentive." He says that he agrees, and then gets Charlie to hand her some paper. She asks what it is. He says it's the lyrics to the Notre Dame fight song. Please, let them not have been written by Gilbert and Sullivan. Jed says, "It would please me if you would lead the press in a rendition as we pass over South Bend." C.J. says, "Yes, sir." Jed: "All five verses, please." C.J. puts up her fists and says, "Go, Irish!" Jed: "You bet your ass!" He and Charlie take off.Back at the White House, Ainsley walks in, wearing a red coat and a black scarf. She's carrying a white table fan and her hair is up in a big high bun at the back of her head, and she's got a wide black hair band wound around her scalp below that. It's quite weirdly retro, but then, so is Ainsley. She plunks the fan down on a counter of what looks like a White House concession stand and orders a chocolate-chip muffin, a can of Fresca, and a bag of ice. Girl, have you ever heard of diabetes? Hypoglycemia? No, I didn't think so. You just go right on sucking back the sugar and the carbs. As it turns out, they don't have Fresca. Ainsley seems dismayed and says, "You should really have Fresca." How much did they pay for this product placement? She settles for a ginger ale. Leo wanders up and wonders what's with the fan. She says she just went and got it from her apartment. Leo points out that it's seventeen degrees outside, which sounds pretty good to my Canadian ears, until I remember that it's Fahrenheit, so that means it's...[deborah tries to remember the little conversion formula Professor Frink taught her...double it and add thirty? Add thirty and double it? Subtract thirty and then divide it by two? Then she gives up and decides it's probably just pretty damn cold.] Anyway, it's cold. Ainsley picks up her junk food and her ice and responds, "Then I should move my desk outside, because it's a hundred and three degrees in my office." Leo asks bizarrely, "The heat's not working?" Dude, she just said it's a hundred and three degrees in there. She says it's working fine and that she can attest to that. As she walks away, she calls back that they should really have Fresca in the building. Leo says, "I'll get right on that."
The guy who must be Matt Skinner knocks on Josh's door. Matt asks if Josh let Donna "out." Josh says that she's having dinner with some guy she has no future with. Well, keep a good thought, Pete. Matt asks, "Why no future?" Josh: "Because I say so. You want some coffee?" Matt asks for a beer. As Josh gets a beer out of his office fridge (I would have expected that there are strict rules about alcohol consumption in the White House, but whatever) he says it's too bad that they're going to be rushed and that they're only talking about this for the first time now. Matt says he thought it was deliberate, and that the ten days are up tomorrow. Josh says he knows. Matt says they know he knows. Matt says the language doesn't prohibit same-sex marriage. Josh says that it does. Apparently it establishes that, for the purposes of federal programs, the government will define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, while doing nothing to prohibit gay marriage on a state level. Well, Josh takes exception to this last bit. He points out that when the bill was being discussed on the floor, there were some "very ugly things" said about homosexuals. Matt agrees. Josh further points out that these things were said by members of his own party -- in fact, they were said by one of the guys who escorted Matt to the White House tonight and is waiting for him out in the lobby. Matt blithely agrees to this, but looks uncomfortable. Josh asks, "You support this bill?" Matt says he does. Josh points out, for those who've not yet figured it out, "Congressman, you're gay." Matt: "Yes, I am."
Over in the Situation Room, Leo's taking care of business. Some big military dude that I don't think we've seen before, whose name is Mark, tells Leo that the Sudanese captain of the tanker refused to let Navy personnel board the ship. They dispatched a helicopter to try to land on the deck of the ship but seamen obstructed the landing with freight. Those on ship also fired warning shots from Kalashnikovs. At this point, the helicopter retreated to its carrier group. Central Command is now going to have two F-18s buzz the ship and fire warning shots over the bow. Leo says, "There's no way this ends good. In fact, it's already over." Mark says it's not over yet. Leo replies, "Trust me. I'll call the President." He goes off to do just that. Time for commercials, and wouldn't you like some Fresca?
Leo's in his office reading documents when Margaret appears to tell him that he has phone call. Before she'll tell him who it's from, though, she says, "Can I just say that, all I meant before was that if I was married and got divorced and my divorce papers came and I was an alcoholic, I would want to be..." Leo: "Who's on the phone?" She tells him it's POTUS. He picks up the phone. POTUS wants to know what their goal is with this tanker. Leo tells him that they're trying to seize the ship and escort it to Bahrain. Leo elaborates that warning shots will be fired, and will maybe take out the propeller. Jed says, "Leo, just so they know, it's a tanker full of crude oil. If they miss the propeller and hit something else..." Leo says they know, and interrupts him to get rid of Margaret, who, if you ask me, should have beat a retreat some time ago. Leo hisses, "Would you stop looking at me like that?" She vamooses. Jed wants to know what that's about; Leo explains that Margaret was giving him a look, because his divorce papers came today: "She thinks I'm going to drink." Jed says he didn't know that. Leo tells him not to worry about it. As we see Jed sit down in his office chair on board Air Force One, there are titles telling us: "Valhalla Vector -- Jet Route 23 / Wheeling, West Virginia." I can't imagine why we need this information. ["I think Aaron Sorkin's just showing off how thorough his research is." -- Wing Chun] Leo says he'll keep Jed posted. Jed wants to know why he doesn't have a final draft of tomorrow's speech. Leo says that Toby and Sam are working on it; Jed wants to know what's wrong with it. Leo says that Sam doesn't like the writing. Jed accepts this and hangs up.
Toby asks Sam to read the speech to him. Sam reads, "I'm calling on all Americans, young and old, Democrat, Republican, or none of the above, to make education a national priority." That is pretty stinky. Sam says, "'None of the above.' It's a pedestrian phrase and it has no place." No argument here, bub. ["Amen." -- Wing Chun] Sam adds, "Also, was education not a national priority before?" Toby is being more or less agreeable to all of Sam's comments, but says it's an easy fix. Sam doesn't think so: "Oratory should raise your heart rate. Oratory should blow the doors off the place! We should be talking about not being satisfied with past solutions. We should be talking about a permanent revolution!" Toby asks, "Where have I heard that?" I know where. Sam says, "'Permanent revolution'? I got it from a book." Toby wants to know what book. Sam replies, "The Little Red Book." Toby asks, "You think we should quote Mao Tse-tung?" Sam says they do need a permanent revolution. Toby: "Still, I think we'll stay away from quoting Communists." Sam asks, "You think a Communist never wrote an elegant phrase? How do you think they got everybody to be Communists?" Toby wants Sam to take a walk with him. Sam says Toby's the one who's been saying for the last six months that they need a radical approach. Toby's losing patience: "Yes, yes I am! And I got shouted down in every meeting! I'd love to write a speech about a radical new approach to education but we don't have one! So unless we can come up with an idea and implement it before landing in Portland, I'd prefer not paint a picture in the interest of great oratory." Sam asks, "Can't great oratory inspire an idea that can be implemented?" Toby responds, "We had six months. We're not doing it half-assed. We're not doing it tonight." Toby wants Sam to go for a walk up and down the plane, get the blood flowing. Sam remarks, "Mao knew how to get the blood flowing." Toby: "Let's go."
Back at the White House, Donna's arriving back from her date, such as it was, and runs into Leo, who comments that her dress is very nice, and mentions that she wasn't wearing that dress earlier today. Donna mildly says, "You guys are sharp as tacks, you know that?" Leo asks if she had a date. She says yes. He asks, "With who?" She says it doesn't matter. He asks where they ate, and when she says Phoebe's, Leo launches into telling her what should be ordered there: "You tell Dario, the chef, that you work for me, and that you want the flash-seared escolar with foie gras butter, and the fresh juniper berry gravlax on a bed of shaved fennel. You have a nice '87 Petrus with that...what'd you have?" Donna: "Two whiskey sours and a bowl of soup." She says she should go tell Josh she's back, and Leo says he's in the Mess. Before they part, Donna says that she hopes Leo doesn't mind, but that Margaret mentioned that his divorce papers came, and she was worried....Leo says, "Margaret worries if the sun is going to rise." I'm surprised Margaret isn't holding a press conference about Leo's divorce papers, and I think that he's bearing all this interference with remarkable patience. He tells Donna to go check in with Josh.
Matt is telling Josh that the bill passed the Senate with eighty-five votes -- twenty-nine of which were cast by Democrats -- and that it passed the House with three hundred and forty-two votes. He says they have the same polling numbers, and that 60% of Americans oppose legally sanctioned gay marriage. He says that the people want the bill, Congress wants the bill, and the President needs to sign the bill. Josh points out that public opinion can be wrong: the American public opposed interracial marriage and school integration. He asks, "You want me to reach back into the nostalgia file?" Matt insists that's entirely different. Um, no, no it's not. It's exactly the same. Matt says that the government has a responsibility to protect the rights of minorities, but it can't impose the values of a minority on the majority. Josh responds that "freedom of choice isn't a minority value just because the majority doesn't agree with the minority's choice." Amen, brother. Just then, Donna wanders up. Matt asks her how her date was; Donna unenthusiastically says, "Uh, it was good." She tells Josh that she'll be around and leaves. As she walks away, we can see her through the windows of the mess, looking kind of low-key and sad, which isn't completely lost on Passive-Aggressive Pete. ["Plus, she had to cut her crappy date short just to come back and be 'around'? Whatever!" -- Wing Chun] Matt says, "Josh, all the Marriage Recognition Act does is ensure that a radical social agenda isn't thrust upon an entire country that isn't ready for it yet." Josh counters, "Thirty-two states have passed laws banning same-sex marriage. The states are doing a fine job protecting themselves from a 'radical social agenda' without a federal shield." Matt tries to interject but Josh continues, "I like you guys who want to reduce the size of government...make it just small enough so it can fit in our bedrooms." I stand up and cheer. Matt doesn't say anything for a bit while he absorbs the impact of Josh's rightness. Then he wants to know when Josh has to call the President. Josh says he's got time. Matt suggests that they have another beer, and loosens his tie.
C.J. checks a mirror and adjusts her Notre Dame cap as she prepares to get Sam's speech back. One reporter asks her why the plane was scheduled to leave so late. C.J. doesn't know, and surmises that it could be because they were expecting the President's earlier budget meeting to run late; she assures him that she'll find out. She explains that she needs them to give back their copies of the draft speech, and that they'll be replaced. All their little reporter instincts go crazy as they ask whether there's a new program or a policy shift. She insists there's not, and that Toby and Sam are just polishing the language. They want to hang on to the first draft for comparison purposes, but she guarantees them that there are not going to be any significant changes. She gestures for Carol to get the speeches back and leaves. Charlie takes her aside and says that POTUS told him to tell her that they're approaching South Bend and he likes to hear the song at a brisk and steady tempo. C.J. says, "Oh, kill me now."
Margaret brings Colonel Chase in to see Leo. He says, "Mark, tell me we didn't hit anything." The Colonel confirms that the F-18s shot over the bow and that they've boarded, but the crew threw the log and the registry overboard. Leo seems pretty upset about this. Mark adds that they threw the ship's manifest overboard, too. Leo asks, "How do these people think this is going to end? What is their best-case scenario?" Mark says, "I just go where you point me." He goes off to brief Fitzwallace, and Leo thanks him. Leo asks Margaret to get a couple of big shots on the phone, and to be able to speak to POTUS during his free minute.
Back in the air, POTUS is meeting with somebody and having a not entirely clear discussion about subways and money and how pavement's going to win this particular battle, whatever it is. C.J. knocks on the door and the young guy who's an aide to the guy POTUS is talking to suppresses a smirk at her chapeau. She gives him a dirty look. As the meeting with the guy, who's named Steve, breaks up, he and his aide leave. Steve says to C.J., "Nice hat!" She thanks him. Apropos of nothing, POTUS says, "Ernesto Perez Balladeros, former President of Panama. You know where he went to school? Notre Dame." C.J. replies, "Yes, sir, also Joe Garagiola." Jed asks, "Was that a crack?" C.J. says, "No, sir. I understand you'd like to hear the song now." As they walk along, Jed says he would, but that the Tokyo exchange just opened and he needs to gauge the impact of Pacific Rim banking reforms -- a subject he says Economics scholars could take years studying, but that he will take twenty minutes to decipher. I get the impression that he'd rather have thirty or forty hours to talk about the topic. C.J. asks why the flight was scheduled to leave so late, which allows POTUS to wax rhapsodic to her, Toby, and Sam about long night flights. He blathers on about how they cease to be earthbound and burdened with practicality. Sam volunteers that it offers them the chance to "be poets." Sam complains that Toby doesn't want to use the phrase "permanent revolution," although, if you ask me, that idea'd scare most Americans even if they didn't know its origin. Jed tells Toby that Mao took a lot of long plane flights. He tells Toby to look out the window and asks whether there's anything more romantic than that. C.J. ventures, "And...that's why we left at 9:05?" POTUS admits they left when they did because they thought his budget meeting would run late: "But wouldn't it have been great if that was the reason?" Sam miserably answers, "Yes." Jed asks Toby, "You don't like 'permanent revolution'?" Toby replies, "It's a nifty phrase, but I think if we call for a permanent revolution, people are, you know, going to expect one." Charlie answers the phone and tells him Leo's on the phone. Jed sighs heavily and mutters, "Aw, Leo. Just take the damn boat." And it's time for some more commercials.
Back at the White House, Ainsley's working in her overheated office, the oscillating fan ruffling papers back and forth. Her hair is down now, which mystifies me. You've got your long hair up, and it's over a hundred degrees in your office, so you put it down? Um. Okay. Also, since she went home to get the fan, wouldn't you have thought she might have changed out of the long-sleeved, high-neck grey wool sweater she seems to be wearing? Whatever. Anyway, Donna knocks on the door (which is closed, which I bet helps keep the room cooler. Not) and Ainsley asks her in. Donna asks what happened; Ainsley says she can't turn the heat down. Donna asks, "Did you try?" Ainsley says, "No, I just looked at the thermostat and got discouraged. Of course I tried! I could grow papayas in here!" Donna says, "It's a nice office." Ainsley says, "It's the steam-pipe distribution venue!" Donna says it's got character. Donna's also still got her winter coat on, and makes no move to take it off, despite the heat. Ainsley says she thinks she's losing weight, which may be why she seems to be trying to eat non-stop. Donna asks her if she wants to come work upstairs; Ainsley declines, saying she needs to concentrate. Which I bet is easy, in this blast furnace. Donna says that no one's around, but Ainsley's still not biting. Donna says she just came to say hi, and Ainsley says she'd chat but she really needs to get her work done. Donna says she'll leave her alone, but proceeds to ask her what she's working on, and Ainsley explains she's making notes for Josh. Donna sits down and starts babbling about the Constitutional questions involved. She then launches into an apparently inane discussion with Ainsley about whether or not the two of them look alike, the purpose of which I can only imagine is a shout-out to the forums. Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little, but we're desperate for a shout-out here. Ainsley seems to think they don't look alike, although they most certainly do look a lot alike, and for a show that has so few female leads, one of whom is taller and brunette and the other two of whom have long straight blonde hair and pale skin...um, yeah, you do look alike. Donna pretends to agree that they don't look alike but nonetheless asks Ainsley whether she's ever considered dyeing her hair red, suggesting that it would look good on her. Ainsley reiterates with some impatience that they don't look alike. Donna says she tells people that. I'm beginning to wonder if her date asked her out thinking that she was Ainsley instead of Donna. Donna says she's going to go back upstairs to work but mumbles some more about their alabaster skin and farm-girl looks. Ainsley tells her she's "wigging out." Donna invites her again to work upstairs. Ainsley declines, saying that it may be hot but at least it's quiet. On cue, the furnace makes a loud hammering noise and Ainsley jumps, slaps her laptop shut and says, "Okay." As she stands up, we get an aerial shot of the room, which allows me to see that at least Ainsley's sweater doesn't have long sleeves, and hear her say, "Boy, I could use a Fresca." Lord. At least this isn't the kind of show that woud exploit the opportunity to have Ainsley stripped down to her skivvies in her office when Sam accidentally walks in and...oops! This is the kind of show that was too busy harping about Fresca. I'm guessing it's Aaron's beverage of choice. ["I like it, too, and there is your shout-out. Just kidding." -- Wing Chun]
"You're going to quote the Bible to me?" Josh sputters incredulously. They're back in his office. Matt says he didn't, and that his point was that the founders of the country based their laws on Judeo-Christian morality and that perhaps the Biblical concept of marriage can't be so easily separated from the law. Josh argues that the founding fathers made it patently clear that they didn't want Judeo-Christian morality within ten city blocks of the law. He seems ready to explode and like he wants to ask Matt something, but then decides not to. Josh points out that the bill would make gay partners permanently ineligible for survivor benefits, Medicare, Medicaid...Matt counters that the government can't afford to pay those things anyway. Josh mumbles, "So we caught a break there." Matt looks tired and says it's getting late; Josh says he has more notes.
Back in the air. Titles inform us: "Checker Pass Vector - Jet Route 151/ Rapid City, South Dakota." So what? I don't know. C.J. checks with Carol to make sure she collected all the drafts of Sam's speech, which she did. Except for Danny's copy, which Danny wouldn't return. C.J. marches off to bust Danny's balls. She wants to know what his problem is, and he gives her a lot of guff about how there's no good reason why he should return it. She announces again to the cabin that she's guaranteeing no substantive changes. Danny says she doesn't have to guarantee him, because he's got his copy of the draft. She leans over and says, "I certainly hope we don't accidentally send your luggage to Belgium on the way back!" She stalks off as Danny calls after her, "Yeah, I wouldn't want to find out what it's like to be inconvenienced by the White House!" On her way out, C.J. tells the other reporter that the late flight was because of the budget meeting. Then it seems like C.J.'s thinking of telling them that there's something to be said for long night flights, but then thinks better of it and doesn't finish her thought.
In another part of the plane, Toby is reading the speech to POTUS, and citing the one-room schoolhouse in which Jed's grandmother began her teaching career. Jed corrects him, explaining that it was a two-room schoolhouse, and that the Italian stonecutters who were paying her to teach their kids English in the basement of the rectory built her another room as a thank-you gift. ["deborah! 'Stonecutters'? There is your shout-out!" -- Wing Chun] Toby says that they'll fix it. Jed says that he still hasn't heard the big idea yet; Toby says the speech is in pretty good shape. Jed asks, "What happened to a hundred thousand new teachers? No money?" Toby says that there aren't a hundred thousand new teachers and that they can't make people be teachers. Jed says they can provide incentives; Toby says that in certain districts there are tax incentives, but Jed interrupts and says it's not doing the trick. Sam paces around, and looks over Charlie's work, where Charlie has just written something. Sam asks what that means. Charlie says he was just scribbling. Sam says, "You wrote down, 'send them to college.'" Charlie insists that it doesn't mean anything, but Sam persists. Charlie says that it's like circling horses in the paper but not placing the bet. Jed jumps up and says, "Tuition incentives! Talk, Charlie." Charlie replies, "Mr. President, if this was an idea, somebody would have had it already." POTUS says that he finds fault with that formula. Charlie hesitates and says, "The government will send you to college or law school or medical school if you spend three years in the armed forces when you graduate. Why not..." Sam completes the thought: "College tuition for anyone and everyone who wants to go to college in exchange for they teach [sic] in a public school we send them to for three years." Jed asks why they can't float that idea. Toby'd like to know how they'd pay for it. Jed brushes that off. Toby'd like to follow up on that, though, and right now. Jed tells them to kick this idea around and says that he'll be in his study. As he leaves, he says, "It's an incredible sky tonight." The captain updates us on weather and altitude as we go to commercial.
Matt and Josh are walking through the White House as Josh cites polling statistics on opinions on what gay people should receive in terms of benefits. He also mentions that they haven't talked about the Fourteenth Amendment yet, and says, "I would think that a strict interpretation of the Equal Protection Clause would dictate that homophobia can't be made into a law." Matt says it's for the court to decide, but he thinks they'll uphold it. They keep arguing and Matt says, "Look, this is going to be a law, whether the President vetoes or not. They have the votes in the Senate to override." Josh replies, "Senate's not in session. The President can stick this in his pants pocket and it's vetoed." Matt points out that it will come back in January and they'll have to live through it twice, and lose both times. He tells Josh to "ask [him] the question." Josh says fervently, "He compared homosexuality to kleptomania and sex addiction, Matt! The Majority Leader, the leader of your own party!" Matt responds, "He was wrong and I told him so." Josh says, "For crying out loud!" Matt barks, "Ask me the question, Josh!" Josh bursts out, "How can you be a member of this party?" Matt tells him, "You been holding that in for way too long, man." Josh adds, "This party that says that who you are is against the law." Matt says that he never understood why all the gun-control people don't join the NRA. The NRA has two million members, and if gun-control advocates brought three million people to the meeting and called a vote, they could pass a gun-control resolution. Josh says, "It's a heck of a strategy, Matt. I'll bring that up at a meeting." Matt explains that he agrees with ninety-five percent of the Republican platform, and that his whole life is not about being a homosexual. This seems a somewhat new idea for Josh. He doesn't say anything for a minute, and tells Matt, "Thanks for coming by." Matt smiles and thanks him for the beer. Out in the lobby, a couple of guys rush up to Matt and ask how it went; Matt says, "He'll sign it." He will? I didn't necessarily get that from that meeting. The guy who asked him how it went seems happy and says, "I can tell MacDougal?" Matt says yes. As the Republicans leave, the first guy puts his arm around Matt and says, "Good job, Congressman!" Matt testily tells him, "Take your hand off my shoulder, Congressman." He hustles out ahead of his cronies. Josh happens to be walking by and sees all this.
Air Force One. "Watershed Vector - Jet Route 60 / Casper, Wyoming." Toby and Sam are arguing. Toby says the speech is fine. C.J. sticks her head in and says, "You wanted me?" Sam tells her that she should tip the press off that they may float an education initiative. She says she just told them otherwise. Toby says they're not floating. Sam says they might float and they should give them a heads-up. C.J. replies, "Excuse me, I need to go look like an idiot." And that hat will definitely help you on that front. She leaves. Toby continues insisting they're not floating this initiative. He thinks it's pie-in-the-sky, not to mention patronizing, to have privileged Ivy Leaguers play teacher to America's most vulnerable children. Sam thinks the people taking advantage of the initiative won't be overprivileged. Toby wonders what the teacher's union might think of all this. Sam says that they'll have a hundred thousand new members. Toby says that all of them will leave after three years, which also means the kids will be abandoned too. Sam says they won't be abandoned, and asks, "Once you're in fifth grade, what do you care what your fourth-grade teacher's doing?" Sam keeps painting an optimistic picture. Toby wants to know where they're getting the money for all this. By way of response, Sam says, "I was really mortified that I froze up on that speech." Toby says Sam should have told him a few days ago. Sam acknowledges this.
At the White House, Donna is blathering on to Ainsley, who's trying to work. She's talking about being a flautist, and how she was the best in her row in high school. No doubt Wing will be thrilled to learn this factoid. ["God, so many shout-outs, my ears hurt! (That was, in itself, a Djb shout-out.)" -- Wing Chun] Donna wonders if she had pursued the flute professionally, whether she would be meeting interesting men. Er...whatever. Donna thinks, "Probably not." ["Maybe interesting gay men." -- Wing Chun] Ainsley volunteers that she played the trombone. Donna asks whether she met interesting men. Ainsley says that she did. Donna: "Is it a hard instrument to learn if I took it up now?" Josh bursts in and orders Ainsley to talk to him about the Full Faith and Credit clause. Donna gets out of the way. Ainsley explains that the clause means that states have to recognize the public acts and legal proceedings of other states; for example, if you're married in Maryland, it has to be recognized in Nebraska. Josh wants to know, "Then how is the Marriage Recognition Act not unconstitutional?" Ainsley says that it also says that Congress can prescribe the manner in which such matters are proved, which means that it can decide what being married means within the context of Article Four. Donna calls Josh to the phone to speak to Toby. Josh tells Toby he's going to tell POTUS to sign the damn thing. Josh asks about "his" mood and I don't know whether he means Sam or Jed. Toby's says he's frustrated. Josh says that when Sam goes off on a "thing," he expects Toby to rein him in: "He wants you to do it so he doesn't have to do it himself." Toby starts to ask Josh about his opinion of tuition incentives, but the captain announces that passengers need to take their seats because they're getting close to landing. Toby and Josh end their call there and Josh says he's going to talk to Leo. Donna has her coat on again, so I have to wonder once again, what on earth she needed to cut her date short for...just to come annoy Ainsley? Donna and Josh walk about, bidding goodnight to Ainsley. Donna asks if Josh knew Ainsley played the trombone. Josh says simply that he didn't. Donna says, "Tonight stunk, Josh." Josh says, "I'm sorry about that." Donna continues, "I didn't mean having to work, although that was a treat. I meant the guy." Josh asks who he was. Donna says he was a lobbyist with Travis West. Or maybe Travis-West, as the closed captioning claims. She says, "He was pretty full of himself, and without a lot of cause to be." Josh says, "An obnoxious insurance lobbyist? What were the odds?" Donna pokes Josh feebly and says, "It isn't funny, Josh." He mentions again that he has to go see Leo. As she walks away, she says she'll call him in the morning. She calls him on Saturday mornings? To wake him up? To chat? Lord knows. He tells her, "You looked really great in that dress tonight, Donna. You should buy it for yourself." Uncharacteristically, she doesn't say, "And you should give me a raise so I can afford it, dumbkopf." She just stares at him, hiding her lovestruckness pretty well. You just know that dress ain't going back to the store. She has a really good mixture of a wee smile and sadness on her face.
Leo's in his office on the speaker phone with POTUS. Leo suggests they hold the ship in Bahrain and test a sample of the oil to the U.S. Customs Lab in San Francisco. POTUS is contemptuous, saying they'll just sell off the oil in a friendly port: 780,000 metric tonnes of gas oil against a two-million-dollar fine for the oil company. Titles tell us "Bonneville - 3 Landing Route / Portland, Oregon." Jed carps that they're not providing much of a disincentive to evade U.S. sanctions. Josh arrives. Leo wants to know what else they can do. Jed thinks they should seize the ship, confiscate the cargo, sell the oil, and use the money to beef up anti-smuggling operations. Leo says, "You don't mean tonight? You mean in the future..." POTUS rubs his eyes. C.J. shows up to tell him they're landing. Jed sighs heavily and says, "Yeah. In the future." Josh wants to talk about the Marriage Recognition Act. Jed glumly says "Yeah..."
C.J. goes to speak to the media. She says, "When I said that there'd be absolutely no policy shifts or new initiatives in the education speech tomorrow, that was correct, except it's possible there might be a policy shift or a new initiative in the education speech tomorrow." Everybody mutters. Toby shows up and says there's not going to be a change. He mentions Danny, and C.J. says, "He's not going to give it back." Toby sighs and walks over to Danny's seat and sits down beside him. Toby quietly tells Danny, "Sam choked hard on the last draft and wants to burn it." Danny considers this and says, "No problem." He hands over the document. C.J., watching all this, says, "No problem?" Danny tells Toby to tell Sam to relax: "He'll get his swing back." As Toby walks away, Danny tells him to tell Sam that Danny didn't read it. C.J. looks pretty unamused. She accuses him of having a little go at her. He admits it, saying it's a long flight. He asks her if she knows why. She says, "Tell me you went to Notre Dame." Danny replies, "Maybe time you won't be so quick to mock on the eve of a Michigan game." C.J. walks away, muttering to herself, "There must be an escape hatch here of some kind."
Josh is arguing with Jed. Jed is saying he doesn't care about the constitutional argument, it's gay-bashing. "It's legislative gay-bashing! How do I put my name on it?" Josh says he wouldn't do it. He'd put it away. Jed says that a pocket veto is a politician's way out. Well, don't look now, Jed, but you're soaking in it. Josh points out that they'll send the bill again when they're in session and in the meantime, they can focus on the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. Jed asks, "If I'm going to sign it in January, why am I vetoing it now?" Josh suggests it's a symbolic gesture to the gay community. Jed replies, "I'm sure the gay community can't wait to thank me." Word. Jed keeps railing about how wrong it is: "We shouldn't be defining love, and we certainly shouldn't be ill-defining it." He keeps saying it's wrong, and complains that he should get a rubber stamp that says, "Josiah Bartlet votes no." Josh says that's exactly what the conservatives are hoping he'll do. Jed finally decides and tells them, "Put it in a drawer." Josh heaves a sigh of relief and thanks POTUS. Leo ends the call. Josh says goodnight to Leo but just before he goes, it's his turn to be Nosy McMeddlesome and asks Leo about the divorce papers, which Margaret mentioned. How does that woman keep her job? Josh mentions that Margaret thought he might drink, and that he thinks getting the divorce papers sounds like a pretty good reason to do so. Leo says, "I'm an alcoholic! I don't need a good reason to." Josh invites him for coffee, but Leo says he wants to go home. Josh leaves, and Leo calls out to Margaret that he's going. She walks into his office with a slightly indignant look and says, "Okay." He looks at her and says quietly, "You're a good girl." Oy, again with the "girl" on this show. I'm sure someone of Leo's age might think it but I doubt someone of Leo's savvy would say it. Memo to Aaron Sorkin: this show needs fewer girls and more women. ["I thought it was affectionate and sweet. It's like something my grandpa would say -- and Leo's about my grandpa's age." -- Wing Chun] He leaves, and Margaret looks marginally less indignant. She kind of nods to herself and says, "Okay."
Back on the plane. Jed's sitting there lost in thought when C.J. comes in. One of the reporters who's doing a sidebar on the game tomorrow wants to know why Jed went to Notre Dame. Jed says, "Why not?" C.J. emphasizes that she's just repeating someone else's question and points out that he was accepted at Harvard, Yale, and Williams. Jed says softly, "'Cause I was thinking about becoming a priest." D'oh! C.J. seems pretty intrigued to learn this, too. She says, "Really? What happened?" Martin Sheen has an adorable look on his face and I know (and you know) what he's going to say, and he says it: "I met Abby." ["Hey, you know who else was going to be a priest and quit when he met and fell in love with his future wife? My. DAD. Shout. OUT." -- Wing Chun] C.J. smiles (and I feel the need to mention again how gorgeous her smile is) and asks, "Why can't you ever give me answers like that when we're running for something?" (Please get Danny out of her life so she'll have more cause to smile. Thank you.) Jed replies, "'Cause I like to bother you." C.J. says, "Well, I shall not be defeated." He tells her to sit down. Toby comes in with the final draft. Jed tells him to sit down because they're landing in a minute and ten seconds. Toby wonders how he knows that. Jed explains that he sets his watch to the cockpit computer. (That is so something my husband would do. This is the sort of thing that explains my soft spot for Jed.) For no particular reason I can figure out, Jed asks Toby if he knows why the Assistant Energy Secretary is on the plane. Toby knows it's because of the meeting on the way back. I can't imagine why this exchange is here, but whatever. As Jed reads the speech, Toby says that he thinks Charlie's idea was a good one, and that he thinks POTUS should ask Leo to put together a team to study the feasibility of appropriations for a pilot program of one hundred teachers. Jed mentions that they're taking the tanker to Bahrain and the oil company's going to make a profit. And that the Marriage Recognition Act is going to be law. He asks, "A hundred new teachers? Instead of a hundred thousand?" Toby says, "Yeah." Jed allows, "Well, it's a start, I guess."