This is how to do a campaign episode. Santos is on the road, finding some success with a new economic message. And then the White House announces that it's shutting down its own investigation of the shuttle leak, giving Vinick a chance to paint the Democrats as soft on security. Janeane Garafolo shows up as a media consultant who has some (professional) history with Josh, and a whole different set of ideas about how the campaign should be run. Josh gets over his own ego long enough to get Santos to hire her as Communications Director. We then learn that Santos has been called up for his annual Marine Corps Reserve duty, and that Santos and Helen broke a hotel bed while they were up to some shenanigans. The rest of the episode is filled with serious, interesting, and amusing discussion over how to manage the different messages that come from all of these events. Shocking, I know. In the end, by combining the ideas of Josh, Janeane, and Santos, they are able to turn a losing day into a winning one, and Santos asserts himself (again) as the leader of his own campaign. Oh, and Greg Brock is going to prison because he refuses to name his source to a grand jury.
As we open, Margaret is trailing C.J. into her office. Margaret expositions that C.J. "wanted the message plan for Monday's bill signing." Apparently, Scheduling and Advance was thinking they should put a lot of little American flags on the table when the President signs the bill. C.J. wonders what the message is there. Margaret: "This is America." C.J. points out that the particular bill being signed is a fisheries bill. What, are the fish not American? C.J. tells Margaret to get Schedule and Advance to come up with something a little more on-topic. If she thinks keeping Scheduling and Advance on topic is difficult, she should try moderating the forum posters for this show. (I kid because I love.) As C.J. walks away, Margaret suggests they put a bunch of little fish on the table. Why not just use Gail? She deserves a moment in the sun after everything she's done to support Jed.
C.J. walks into her office, where she sees a talking head on television reporting on speculation that the only way the space station could have been repaired was with the use of a secret military shuttle. He also reports that Greg Brock is refusing to name his source for the leak to a grand jury. Toby is sitting in C.J.'s office watching the coverage. C.J. turns off the television. Toby tells her, "NASA just announced that the astronauts fixed the space shuttle all by themselves." C.J. asks if anyone is buying the cover story, and Toby tells her that pretty much nobody is. C.J. starts one of her frighteningly fast little rants, complaining about the Congressional investigation into the leak, the partisan politics bringing the city to a standstill, and "the fact that a fisheries bill could be the better part of [her] legacy as White House Chief of Staff." She hands Toby a yellow pad, and he asks what it is. She tells him it's a statement Jed and Babish want to put out, and that they worked out the language in the car. Toby puts on his glasses and starts reading it. After a second, he stops and asks, "'Respect for the paw'?" She tells him that it's actually "respect for the law," and defends her penmanship by pointing out that she wrote it in a speeding car. Toby asks if the statement is a good idea, and C.J. tells him that the President and White House Counsel want it out. Toby points out that Vinick will stomp all over it, and that even Santos will complain. C.J.: "I think the President and White House Counsel want it out."
Santos is on the stump in Olympia, Washington. It's 101 days before Election Day. He makes an awful joke to the effect that if voters don't like his economic plan, he'll be the first one unemployed. There's actual booing on the soundtrack after that joke. I know that probably represents people booing the idea that Santos wouldn't win, but I prefer to think that Statler and Waldorf are in the audience. Santos is giving a fairly typical stump speech about the importance of preparing for the new technology economy. The rally is taking place at the airport -- the Santos campaign plane is parked right behind the candidate. He finishes his speech by telling the audience, "You ain't seen nothing yet!" And...sweet, sweet montage!
We get several blessed minutes of Santos campaigning, almost always accompanied by Bram. He's all over the Pacific northwest, and he's wading into crowds, taking pictures with people, making reporters laugh, and striding purposefully. All set to "Jet Airliner" by the Steve Miller Band. And then the montage shifts over to Josh, who is...writing on a legal pad. He's writing things like "economy" and "hi-tech jobs" and drawing boxes around them. And then he's writing on a whiteboard. And erasing the whiteboard. And writing again. And then we start cutting back and forth. Santos! Josh! Santos! Josh! Santos is walking through the reporters' section of the campaign jet -- it's clearly nighttime, and all the reporters are sleeping. He gets to the curtain, turns around, and quietly asks, "Anybody got any questions?" I would have loved it if they had all snapped awake and started shouting out questions. And...a little more cutting back and forth, and the montage is over.
Campaign workers filter into Santos HQ. Edie walks up to Josh's office and busts his chops for working through the night, "again." Josh tells her and a man whose name I did not pick up last week that he returned to the office to revamp the message plan after seeing how well the speeches on the economy went over on the West Coast. Josh gives the two of them instructions on various issues that have come up, including telling Edie to cancel the lunch with foreign-policy reporters and replace it with a town hall on high-tech jobs when Santos arrives in Tampa. According to the subtitles, it's 6:12 AM -- isn't it a little late to start planning a new public campaign event for about six hours from the present? Unnamed man asks about the boxes Josh has drawn on the whiteboard. This is ridiculous, I need a name for this guy. Let's see, a little IMDbing around...ah, his name is Otto. I do not know if he loves to get blotto. Josh has drawn three boxes -- one labeled "security," one labeled "domestic," and the last labeled "trivia." Josh points out that Vinick is opening a big lead on security issues, and rejects Edie's suggestion that they focus more on military issues: "No, because if the race is about that, we lose." Instead, they need to keep the focus on domestic issues, where Santos has a comfortable lead over Vinick. Josh draws a big check mark in this box, I think to symbolize that Santos is winning the fight to frame the issues. The third box is for all the irrelevant junk that comes up that the media tends to obsess about. Otto asks if Josh did the same stuff on the Bartlet campaigns. Josh tells him that Toby was actually in charge of the message then. But, he says, "a few more nights like this, we could go hairline to hairline." And then Ned comes in to tell them that something big is being announced on CNN. It's about the leak. And naturally, the announcement is being made at 6:12 AM. Josh hops on a phone and says, "Operator? Get me Toby Ziegler, now." I want a phone that can do that.
In his office, Toby takes Josh's call. Josh is asking that they do something to quiet down the leak story, but Toby breaks it to him that the White House is ending its investigation of the leak. Josh recognizes that this will throw the focus onto security issues for a while, giving Vinick a chance to dominate the discussion and contrast himself with the Democrats. Josh starts yelling at Toby, who just hangs up on him.
Back at Santos HQ, a cable-news talking head is already discussing the effect of the announcement on the Santos campaign. I just don't think things happen this quickly -- especially not this early in the morning. Josh, looking angry and frustrated, walks over to the whiteboard while Otto asks if the leak fits into the "trivia" box. Josh doesn't answer -- instead, he just erases the checkmark he drew in the "domestic" box and draws another checkmark in the "security" box. Credits (which feature a curiously reduced cast -- no Janel Moloney or Dulé Hill, although Kristin Chenoweth, Mary McCormack, John Spencer, and Martin Sheen are there despite the fact that none of them appears in the episode).
Santos HQ is now buzzing with activity. Josh is on the phone in the conference room telling someone (Bram?) to keep Santos away from the press until they know how Vinick responds to the news. Joey and Kenny are in the conference room as well. She thinks some senior adviser needs to join Santos on the road. Josh selflessly offers to fly out that afternoon to be with Santos. Ronna turns on the television and calls Josh over. Vinick is giving a brief comment to reporters as he walks out of the Senate Office Building: "If that were my White House, I'd seal the doors and windows until we found that leaker. And then I'd throw him in federal prison." And then Santos is on the phone (on speakerphone, even): "What are they smoking in that White House of yours, Josh?" Santos and Bram (and a ton of other people) are exiting the campaign jet. Santos and Bram each have a cell phone to his ear. Santos is complaining about the White House "bogarting [his] education plan" and then screwing up their message with the announcement about the leak. Josh tells Santos not to comment, because doing so will take focus off of the economic message. Santos wonders how he's going to avoid it at the foreign-policy lunch, but someone (Edie? Ronna?) tells him that Josh already canceled that event. Instead, Santos is doing a town hall on high-tech jobs. In fact, it's a "reverse town hall." Voters aren't going to get to ask Santos questions -- instead, he'll ask them questions about their economic situations. Bram tells Josh that Santos can handle tough questions: "You should see him out here, he's on fire." Joey tells Santos that the focus on the leak is "magnifying the inevitable mommy problem." Ronna wonders what that means, so Josh explains that when voters want a "national daddy" to be tough on security issues, they vote for Republicans. And when they want a "mommy, to give them jobs, health care, the policy equivalent of matzo ball soup, they vote Democratic." I think Santos is a much better daddy than Alan Alda. But we may be talking about different kinds of daddies. Edie thinks Santos is better than Vinick on military issues, and that he has a personal story as a Marine combat pilot to back it up. But Josh thinks that's totally irrelevant, because voters will always perceive Republicans as stronger than Democrats on those issues. Santos gets it that he needs to give the press nothing to speak about other than his economic message. And then Bram fulfills his people-moving duties telephonically, telling the folks in HQ that they have to end the call in order to get Santos to a rally. Before long, Bram will be sending faxes to meetings to remind people that they have to be somewhere else.
C.J.'s office. A newsguy is saying that NASA expects the astronauts to return from the space station within four or five days. Margaret tells C.J. that Josh is on the line, "again." Margaret told him to speak to Toby, but that he insisted on speaking with C.J. C.J. sends Margaret to find Toby, and then stands up, takes a deep breath, and takes the call: "Joshua, for the love of my sanity, please talk to Toby, my liaison to the campaign...." Josh cuts her off, accusing the White House of undermining the Santos campaign. C.J. points out that it was a legal decision, but that doesn't stop Josh from yelling. C.J. tells him that Jed wanted to take politics out of the investigation -- if that's the goal, Josh thinks they should have appointed a special prosecutor. He goes on to say, "And while you're at it, find me a campaign liaison who's not out to screw me with my pants on." Toby has entered C.J.'s office, and he says there's no way they would want a special prosecutor mucking around through everything the White House has done over the last seven years. You know, not every special prosecutor is Kenneth Starr -- some of them actually stick to the specific issues they were appointed to investigate. Josh begs them to take politics out of the investigation (which is what C.J. said they were trying to do), and Toby accuses Josh of putting politics into it. Josh: "Right now, I am the only thing between Matt Santos and the megaphone with which he is going to trash his own party's White House." And then he hangs up on them.
Josh pedeconferences with some unnamed staffers, giving them instructions about fairly minor details. Ned tells Josh that the New York Post wants to know if they canceled the foreign-policy lunch to keep Santos from having to answer questions about the leak story. Josh responds, "Tell them no, not everything is a conspiracy." Ned: "But you turned the town hall into a reverse town hall because?" Josh: "Certain things are a conspiracy." Josh tells Ned to come up with some "sexier" economic policy to discuss at the reverse town hall. Ned asks what he means by "sexier," and Josh suggests targeted tax credits, indexed to inflation. Ned: "When was the last time you went on a date?" Heh. Josh tells him he doesn't want to talk about it. Because the campaign has enough difficulties without stories of the forbidden love between candidate and campaign manager. With Bram on the road, Joey fills in for him, telling Josh that the media consultants are waiting for him. Josh looks put out, telling her, "I'm running a national campaign here." Joey, in her own voice, tells him, "By yourself." He points out that they never realistically expected to win the nomination, so they weren't prepared to pull the campaign together so quickly. He tells her that he delegates plenty of things, and she asks him to name one. He tells her that he never would have chosen the paint color for the walls. And then Joey starts nagging him to hire some heavyweights. She suggests Bruno, but Josh thinks that would just mean spending half the budget on "Italian loafers and mini-bar tabs." Joey is not giving up, pointing out that he doesn't have a political director, a chief speechwriter, or a communications director. And then some young guy named Bill introduces himself. Josh tells Bill to follow him. Joey tells Josh that some of the more than three hundred people he's hired must be capable of doing real work, but Josh calls them "kids": "Not a single one of these non-shavers would challenge my assumptions, stand up to me in a meeting...." And then Otto walks up to Josh and tells him he wants to try something different with something or other Josh gave him. Josh practically bites his head off: "Just do it the way I asked." Gosh, it's hard for me to believe that nobody would want to contradict him.
By this time, Josh, Joey, and Bill have arrived at an empty office. Josh tells Bill that this is his desk, that his business cards will be ready soon, and that the policy working group starts at 3:00. Bill asks, "And that's when I install the new phone lines?" Joey rolls her eyes, but heroically resists the temptation to slap Josh. The pedeconference continues -- Joey thinks that if Josh won't lean on his own staff, he should lean on the media consultants with whom they are about to meet. But Josh doesn't think those consultants are really there to help -- they're just there to make sure they each get a portion of the DNC media budget. And then Ronna hands Josh the list of attendees. He immediately asks, "What's she doing on there?" Ronna points out that Josh told her to be sure to invite Louise Thornton. Josh clarifies that he really meant "be sure not to invite her."
And...we pedeconference right into the meeting. A bunch of folks are seated at the conference table. Josh thanks them for coming, noting that "this is probably the greatest assemblage of Democratic talent since the last time Jed Bartlet dined alone." The joke does not go over at all. And then Joey looks at Josh and lets out an enormous fake laugh. That man is a fool for not dating her when he had the chance. Josh starts to go over the themes the campaign is trying to push. And there's Janeane Garofalo, who is playing Louise. He asks for their input on the campaign's message and strategy, and the trash talk just starts flying. One woman leads the complaining, with two guys echoing everything she says. Louise keeps having little whispered conversations with Ronna, apparently about the state of Louise's coffee. Josh seems unnerved by it, until Louise tells him, "You don't really want our input on message. Everybody's here for a piece of the DNC media budget. So get to the point, please." Josh tells them that of course they will each be getting part of the DNC media budget, and they suddenly start praising the campaign's message and strategy. Josh asks Louise what she would say if he did want their advice on the campaign's message. She tells him it would be hard to give: "You don't really have one." The other hacks in the room try to soft-pedal that harsh truth, talking about all the ways they can sell the campaign. Louise tells Josh that she's "talking about the iconic, the symbolic. Something you can put on a bumper sticker that tells people who Matt Santos is." Would a picture of his cute butt work? ["It would work for me." -- Wing Chun] Louise gets up to leave, and Josh asks where she's going. She responds, "I don't want a DNC contract. I just came by to see if this is the Josh Lyman vanity exercise everyone says it is. Besides, if I take your money, how can I snipe at you on Meet the Press?" She walks out, and the other hacks start blathering. But Josh just stares, and then gets up to follow her.
Josh catches up to Louise and tells her that they haven't always seen eye-to-eye. She asks if he's referring to the four times she beat his "hand-picked primary candidates." He tells her that it was really three times. Louise: "I was counting the two-to-one victory twice, but okay." And that is the closest that Janeane Garofalo gets to her normal sarcastic quippy self in this episode, which is why I think this is one of the best performances I've ever seen her give. I mean, I generally like her stuff, but she almost always seems to be just playing herself. But here, I see none of the normal behaviors and tics that I associate with her. She's actually acting, and not just being funny. Josh starts to genuinely admit his flaws, including his inability to shape the message the way a real communications director would. Louise gets in another dig, praising him for acknowledging that he's really not very good at "connecting with the electorate." He turns it around, calling her work "reducing human complexity to a box of soap flakes." Louise tells him, "All I know about Santos is what the country knows. He's smart and he's cute." Isn't that enough? I guess if you're actually looking for leadership in a president you might want some other things. Josh thinks that smart and cute is better than "fat and dumb." Louise: "That's such a good bumper sticker. You don't need me." She walks away, and he chases after her, telling her that he thinks that what she does is superficial but also important. If he woos women like he woos media consultants, I can see why he hasn't had a date in a while. He points out that they have different approaches to campaign. Louise: "Right, I win them." She tells him that even though Vinick's comments that morning didn't have much content, he was tough and authentic: "He was Neil Young to your Neil Diamond." Josh admits that he likes Neil Diamond. I just don't believe that. Josh tells Louise that he wants to get the conversation off of security and back to the economy. She keeps walking towards the elevator, telling him that he needs to be stressing Santos's military record while hammering Vinick for his lack of one, and also pointing out how long Vinick has been in the Senate: "If you're not using the phrase 'Beltway Arnie' in every press release...." Josh tells Louise that he doesn't want to go negative. She accuses him of already going negative, only more subtly, by stressing high-tech economic issues, which points to the fact that Vinick still uses a manual typewriter. Josh holds the elevator. Ned walks up and tells Josh that they've received 113 press calls on the security leak story, and that the New York Post still wants to know why they canceled the lunch. Josh tells Ned to tell the Post that they cancel lunches all the time: "We're fast and nimble and move like the night." Josh asks Louise not to leave.
Josh finds Ronna and tells her to make plans for Louise (whom he calls "Lou") to go on the Florida/California trip. Ronna wonders what kind of loco weed Josh is smoking, pointing out that, a few minutes ago, he didn't even want her in the meeting. Josh tells her that she's smart and good, and that "it's better than having her on the outside lobbing mortars onto [his] lap." Ronna asks if she wants the vegetarian option (on the flight, I assume). Josh: "She'll have the raw meat."
Back at the elevator, Josh tells Louise that he wants her to join him on the trip, allowing as to how she can pick up a bag on the way to the airport. Packing at the last minute is never a success. You just know she's going to forget to pack something important, like underwear or her toothbrush. And then it's going to be a long and stinky trip. Josh tells Louise that he wants to hire her as Communications Director, answering to him. She's not interested. As she gets on the elevator, Josh tells Louise, "I am asking you to meet with the President of the United States." Commercials.
Margaret enters C.J.'s office to tell her about some briefing of Jed and Bingo Bob concerning a Norwegian state dinner. There's a bit of bureaucratic babbling, and then not-Debbie (whose name is Nancy, I know, but I'm set in my ways) sticks her head in to tell C.J. that Jed is ready for her. Before C.J. leaves, Margaret tells her that Brock still wants a few minutes of her time. C.J.: "Tell him 'no.' In Norwegian, if you have to. That would be no-sk." As C.J. walks away, Margaret stays just about six inches behind her. Feeling that hot breath on her neck, C.J. turns around and asks her what's wrong. Margaret tells her that Babish's office has indicated that the first round of Congressional subpoenas should arrive any time now, and Margaret expects to be one of the first ones called to testify. Haltingly, she asks C.J., "If there's anything you want me to...?" C.J. interrupts her: "I want you to tell the truth." And then C.J. walks into the Office of O.
Josh and Louise have arrived in Tampa. As Josh exits an SUV, reporters start throwing questions around. He doesn't really answer any of them, but just passes out a policy paper and tells them that Santos is announcing a major new tax credit at the reverse town hall. One reporter asks when Santos will be available for questions. Josh tells him, "After you write about the tax credit." He ignores some more questions about the leak investigation. Someone asks how Leo feels about the White House's announcement about the investigation. Yeah, wouldn't it have been nice to see what Leo thought about all this? He must be campaigning in Mandyville this week. And then someone asks if Josh has a comment on the New York Post. Josh: "I'm against it. That's off the record." The reporter points out that there's a story on the paper's website pointing out that Santos has canceled four lunch events in the last two weeks. Someone else asks why he's always canceling lunch. The Post is calling it "Santos Siesta." I have a hard time believing that even the New York Post would stoop to such a level. Josh thinks the story is ridiculous, but one reporter makes it clear that this is more interesting to them than the same old economic speech they've already heard before. Josh says goodbye to the press and walks away from them. Ned is with him, and Josh tells him, "When I told you to tell the Post that we cancel lunches all the time, the point wasn't to emphasize..." Ned: "That we cancel lunches all the time?" Ned thinks it's kind of a fine line, but Josh doesn't see any subtlety there. Edie asks how they should deal with it, and Josh tells them that they'll hold a lunch event every day that week. "I don't care if we're stuffed to the gills, we put out a sandwich tray and we call it a lunch event."
By this time, the group has pedeconferenced into the building. Louise and Josh spar about his use of a message grid, and she accuses him of "fighting scandal with spreadsheets." He asks her what she wants him to do, and she tells him that they should start hitting back at Vinick. The group moves up some stairs, and a reporter approaches Josh. Josh tells him that he's not commenting on the leak story, but the reporter tells him that it's something else entirely -- something he'll like. And he hands Josh a folded piece of paper.
Santos and Bram are deep in the bowels of a restaurant (or hotel) kitchen. There are some fancy dishes being prepared. It must be awfully hard for these cooks to work, considering that the Secret Service undoubtedly made them put away all their sharp knives. I hope. Bram is telling Santos about a "listen-only conference call" scheduled immediately after the reverse town hall. Apparently, he'll be put on the phone with a bunch of local reporters, but they won't be able to ask him questions -- they can only hear what he has to say. Hearing the description, Santos tells Bram, "If it goes well, I can open it up to hand gestures." Bram tells him that, after the call, he's meeting with Louise (once again called "Lou"). A cute little waiter hands Santos a piece of paper for his autograph. Josh has caught up to them, and he tells Santos that it might be tough to recruit Louise, but that Santos should really try to get her on board. He also tells Santos that if she is hired, any ideas she has will be filtered through Josh. They slowly make their way through the kitchen. Santos wonders if the press is going crazy because he hasn't issued a statement on the leak investigation. Josh tells him, "I think I have a way to close the security gap overnight." It turns out that the letter Josh was handed was a notice requiring Santos to report for his annual Marine Corps Reserve duty, scheduled for two days starting the Tuesday after Labor Day, in Fort Worth. Santos seems pretty pissed that Time magazine got the letter before he did. I am wondering how that official government mail fell into their hands. Josh thinks this is a great opportunity: "This is everything we couldn't do at the convention. You in fatigues, wind in your hair, trench knife in your teeth." Josh is getting kind of turned on by this image. He verifies that it's an annual required event, so it won't look like a stunt because Santos is just following orders. And then Bram does his thing, so Santos leaves.
Josh sees a waiter -- the same one that had Santos sign an autograph at the other end of the kitchen -- and asks him for his best bottle of champagne. "Make it your tenth-best. Nothing with a screw-off top." And then Louise is there. Josh suggests that she go watch the reverse town hall, but she doesn't want to go in until the introductions are done. So then Josh asks her to leave so that he can talk about things she's not allowed to hear. She obligingly walks away, and Josh grabs Edie and Ned and tells them that Santos is doing his reserve duty two days after Labor Day. Josh tells Edie to work with the Marine Corps to organize a small press pool and to make sure that Santos's uniform fits like a glove. I know some folks that might volunteer for that duty. And then Josh grabs Ned and tells him to get documentation on all of Santos's past call-ups to show that he does this every year and that it's not just some kind of stunt. Ned has a thoughtful look on his face, and breaks it to Josh that Santos has often rescheduled his Reserve duty. Josh hopes that it was only when there was some crucial national security vote scheduled in Congress, but Ned breaks his heart by informing him it was usually when Santos was campaigning, or when one of his children was sick. And then the cute waiter walks up behind Ned and pops the cork on his tenth-best champagne. Hee.
White House. (Do you remember when every scene pretty much took place in the White House? Yeah, me too. Good times, good times.) Carol is making her semiannual appearance, telling Toby that there is a huge number of press requests about the leak investigation. They are progressing down the corridor, making their way to C.J.'s office. Toby tells Carol to refer all calls to the Counsel's office, but Carol tells him that Babish is not taking any press questions. She also tells Toby that there are three reporters camped outside his office. He tells her that's why he's nowhere near his office.
Toby enters C.J.'s office, and she asks him what the response has been to the announcement. He refers to "Arnold Vinick's plan to turn the federal government into an episode of Dragnet," and gives her a witness list for the Congressional hearings. C.J. notes that Brock's name is on the list, and predicts that he'll refuse to testify. She wonders if Congress will hold him in contempt. Toby: "First Amendment isn't what it used to be." C.J. tells Toby that she's been avoiding Brock all day. Toby thinks that's a good idea.
Santos and his entourage walk across the tarmac to the campaign jet. Santos is pointing out that even if he did sometimes reschedule his reserve duty, he still did it every year -- "almost." He's concerned that if people realize how easy it is to reschedule, it will look like a stunt if he shows up on command this year. Josh agrees (but with a lot more words), and Santos walks onto the plane.
Santos enters his private room on the plane, where Louise is already waiting. Bram tells Santos that he has five minutes and then a quick meeting with a city councilmember before takeoff. Santos asks Louise if she prefers "Lou" or "Louise." Yeah, I'm dying to know. She tells him, "'Lou' started in college when I signed up for men's intramural softball. They were a player short, turned out I was the best hitter on the team." Hmmm. Based on that description, I'm predicting that she went to Brown. 'Cause those guys are all nancy-boys. (And I say that with some personal expertise on the subject of nancy-boys). Santos thinks the story means that she prefers "Lou," but she tells him, "'Louise' is fine." I can't decide which name to use. So I'll let you decide. Take the poll at right. Santos asks her what she thought of the reverse town hall. She tells him she disliked his joke about being the first one unemployed. Tell me about it, sister. But she just thinks it's inappropriate to be joking about economic adversity. He asks her if there's anything she liked. Louise: "Oh, sure, but I assume you have plenty of people around to tell you how great you are, and if you don't, you should hire some, 'cause they're wonderful." Santos asks her if she thinks he has a mommy problem. I assume he means to ask if he's unable to appear as a commanding father figure. She doesn't really answer his question, telling him, "Right now, Beltway Arnie's kicking you all over the electoral map, the White House is treating you like a fly on their governmental windshield, and I'm wondering if it's just Josh, or if you have what it takes to come out of the Candidate Protection Program and start kicking back." And then Bram enters to introduce Santos to the city councilmember and her family. Santos gets up for a picture, but Louise stays in her seat, ready to resume their conversation after Santos finishes. Commercials.
Josh exits an elevator in a hotel in Fort Lauderdale. Various campaign workers call out requests to Josh, but he shoots them all down. Just as he starts to speak to Edie, some youthful campaign workers grab him for a quick photo. After he walks away, Edie tells him that Santos has rescheduled his Reserve training about one-third of the time. Josh thinks that whoever gave the letter to Time knew that, and was trying to set the campaign up for a trap. Edie thinks that the problem they face is that Santos served too much, while Vinick never served. They enter what looks like a break room at the end of hotel corridor. Josh takes off his enormous backpack, and they start going over the options. One is for Santos to report for duty as ordered. A campaign worker tries to enter the room, and Josh pushes him out, saying, "The soda shop's closed." He closes the door after the guy. This is an odd room -- it has a pay phone and a bulletin board, along with a small table and chairs and what looks like a vending machine. Is this a breakroom for the hotel workers? And if so, why has Josh been allowed to take it over? Josh starts unbuckling his belt, and Edie asks him what he's doing. He sits in a chair and wraps his belt around his leg and the arm of the chair, effectively strapping himself down. He tells her, "It's a law-school study trick. I'm not getting up until we figure this out." What kind of freaky S&M law school did he go to? Oh, wait, that's right. Yale. As if students at Yale Law ever studied -- they don't even get real grades. (Yeah, I won't be satisfied until I've insulted the entire Ivy League.) The second option is to postpone the reserve training, which will just point out all the times Santos has postponed it in the past, making him look less than dedicated to his duty. And then Santos walks into the room. Josh hunches over and places his arms across his leg to hide the bondage gear. Santos is there to tell Josh that Louise has agreed to join the campaign as Director of Communications, with one tiny condition: she's reporting directly to Santos. Santos walks out as he says that, and Josh gets up to follow him -- with the (entirely too predictable) result that he falls right over on his face. Santos doesn't notice, and Bram walks right up to Josh on the floor and tells him that there's something going on with the Associated Press that Josh has to handle immediately. It turns out that the AP has some kind of photograph of something that happened at the hotel the campaign stayed at in Cleveland -- a photograph of Santos's bed. Josh does not look happy, despite the fact that he has the pleasure of staring up at Bram's lanky form.
In the corridor, Josh pulls Santos away from the people he's speaking with and asks a Secret Service agent to seal the elevator. They enter the elevator, and as it starts to move, Josh pushes the stop button. Something must be wrong with the elevator, because an alarm does not instantly start to ring. Santos looks a bit startled -- I guess Josh hasn't been this aggressive in the past. Josh tells Santos that he's starting to think there is a coordinated effort to bring down the Santos campaign and throw it off its message. Josh tells Santos that the AP has a photograph of something that happened in his hotel bed in Cleveland: "Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" Unspoken but implied are the words "before I tear your eyes you, you cheating hussy." Santos: "His name is Bruce. He's a flight attendant on Aer Lingus." I think I know that guy. Santos leans back against the wall of the elevator, and sighs. "At first, it was long walks..." And that's when Josh loses it. Santos maintains the joke for a second, looking horribly offended that Josh would laugh at him just as he's sharing this difficult story. Josh apologizes for doubting Santos, pointing out that it's his job to ask these questions. And then Santos says, "Wait a minute. Cleveland?"
Back in the staff breakroom, Louise is wondering what happened. Bram is there -- he tells her that Santos wouldn't let him in his room that morning. Well, that's a clear sign that something was horribly wrong. I mean, I think even a straight man would get a little thrill from having Bram in his bedroom. Josh is muttering to himself, and Louise demands that somebody tell her what happened. Bram explains: "He demolished his bed." Louise is still puzzled, until Josh explains that Helen was in Cleveland, bringing the two campaigning spouses to the same city after a long absence: "They broke it together, get it?" Louise looks suitably impressed by this. And then Ned enters with a copy of the photo. They all cluster around it. Louise: "Oh my." Bram: "Hurricane Santos." Josh tells Bram that if he ever repeats that, Josh will have him "knocking on doors in Alaska." Josh thinks it's unseemly for them all to be ogling the broken bed of the President of the United States. Ned tells them, "The hotel proprietor claims the bed was steel-reinforced." They all move in for a closer look at the picture. Heh.
Josh and Louise walk into the hallway, where Josh shows Louise the letter about Santos's Reserve duty. She's pleased as punch at first, until Josh tells her that Santos has rescheduled the duty a bunch of times in the past. She immediately goes to the same place Josh did, hoping it was only rescheduled for "essential government business." She looks just as upset as Josh to hear that it was primarily rescheduled for Santos's personal convenience. And then, apropos of nothing, she rips into Josh for refusing to go negative against Vinick. Louise thinks that refusal is leaving a vacuum that's being filled with trivia: "That's why [Santos is] the swinging king of the siesta." And then she calls Josh, legitimately, on not letting Santos criticize the President for calling off the White House investigation without at least calling for a special prosecutor. Josh reminds Louise that, as the new Communications Director, she's supposed to be helping Josh to solve this problem. And then she tells him that he's the problem: "No negative campaigning. No outside opinions within five miles of the candidate. No deviation from some Jonestown-like obsession with your pals at the White House." And then Josh walks away from her.
White House. C.J. and Margaret walk down the hall toward C.J.'s office. C.J. is telling Margaret something about Argentinean currency devaluation. Margaret has something to tell C.J., who assumes that it's about the plan for the signing of the fisheries bill -- she warns Margaret that if Scheduling and Advance don't move on from the idea of little flags, she's "going to read them the riot act to the tune of 'Battle Hymn of the Republic.'" And then Margaret gets a word in edgewise and tells C.J. that Greg Brock is in her office. C.J.: "Why is Greg Brock in my office?" Margaret tells her that he wouldn't leave, and she didn't think C.J. would want Security to throw him out. C.J.'s not so sure about that last point.
C.J. enters her office and reads Brock the riot act (but not to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic"). He's grown his hair out from the salt-and-pepper buzz cut he had last season, by the way. The new look really emphasizes his thinning hair and receding hairline. Distractedly, he tells her, "I've a question about day care." C.J. tells him that Toby covered that in last week's briefing, but Brock's real question is about how his daughter's mother will find day care for their daughter while Brock is in prison. C.J.'s dumsquizzled when she hears the word "prison," and he tells her that a judge held him in contempt for refusing to testify to the grand jury. He's appealing, but the judge refused to stay his order, so Brock has to report to Cumberland Minimum Security Prison in the morning. He may be in for as long as eighteen months, and adds, "You don't have to worry about your call sheet for a while." He walks toward the door, and C.J. stumbles along with him, turns to him in the doorway, and says, "Name your source." She looks crushed. He tells her, "I always liked you in that suit." Well yeah, but is there any suit Allison Janney doesn't rock? Brock walks out. Commercials.
Bram lets Josh into Santos's hotel room, reminding him that Santos is late for a reception. It's like he's doing his job of moving Santos out of the scene, in advance. In the room, Santos is on the phone with Helen -- she is not happy that her acrobatic sex life is being spread all over the tabloids. He keeps pointing out that there's no way they could have fixed the bed, and that he's no happier than she is. And before they hang up, he suggests that she bring a sledgehammer to their rendezvous. Santos asks Josh how many papers will pick up the story. Josh tells him that it's already hit the seamier side of the journalistic world (i.e., blogs and cable shows), and that now the legitimate press gets to "cover the coverage." And then Josh blames himself for the incident. Well, yeah, if Josh were keeping Santos satisfied, he wouldn't have been breaking beds with Helen. What he really means is that if he had pushed out more policy, it would have buried the story. Has he met any journalists? Because I don't know many who would rather cover a tax credit instead of a bed broken through strenuous activity. Oh, look, Louise is in the room. Louise thinks that stories like the broken bed only stick to a candidate when they confirm what voters already think, and in Santos's case, the campaign hasn't given people any idea what to think. And then Louise and Josh start bickering about whether Santos should hit back at Vinick and get involved in the leak story. What Louise really wants Santos to do is hit back at the White House and try to get some distance from the leak story. But Josh thinks it would be a mistake for Santos to criticize President Bartlet, whose approval rating is at 66%. And then Santos gets them both to shut up in order to discuss what to do about his Reserve drill. Louise tells him that he should resign his commission. And Josh agrees. Look, I get how going to the drill as ordered will look like a stunt if Santos has a history of rescheduling, and I get that they don't want his history of rescheduling to become an issue. But these two political geniuses can't possibly think that the solution is for him to end his military career, can they? Louise thinks that by resigning his commission, Santos will send the message that he is ready to be President of the United States. Bram enters and does his thing. On his way out, Santos tells Josh and Louise to tell the press, "If the country doesn't like my military record, I'll be the first one unemployed." That was a long set-up for a really weak joke.
Campaign jet. It's now 100 days until Election Day. Louise walks up the aisle and takes a seat to Josh. He's got a copy of the Orlando Inquisitor, bearing the headline "Congressman Casanova." I know Santos wants to be taken seriously, but doesn't this whole bed thing feed into the "women want to date him, men want to have a beer with him" thing that seems to win elections? Josh reads some of the scathing (and very poorly written ["well...Orlando" -- Wing Chun]) commentary in the newspaper. Edie's in the aisle. She notes that Vinick won the day. Josh: "Yeah, by walking five feet from his office, while the Latin Luther Vandross napped his way across the country." The difference between Santos and Vandross is that Luther was a little more discreet about his love for men. (And for those who accuse me of making everything gay -- what am I supposed to do when the show compares Santos to one of the more famously semi-closeted recently dead celebrities around?) Josh and Louise start arguing again about whether Santos should criticize the White House on the leak. Louise thinks there's no harm in acknowledging that Jed is generally a great President and has made a mistake in this instance. Josh thinks it's a trick to pull the Santos campaign onto a topic where Vinick has the advantage. And then Louise hands Josh tracking-poll data from the night.
Josh enters Santos's private room, where he is also reading the "Congressman Casanova" story. Josh notes that it took the campaign a couple of hours to document the fact that Helen was in Cleveland (since her trip there was a surprise for Santos), "which is why some of the stories imply that it was the two of us in that bed." Or maybe he just trails off after "imply." Josh hands Santos the polling data. There was a question that asked whether the President was right to end the investigation into the leak. Only 27% think it was right, while 54% disagree. Santos wonders if Josh is telling him to criticize Bartlet. Josh: "I would never suggest that. But you asked me to run this campaign. I don't want you to think I'm holding back the data."
Santos gets up and walks back to the press section of the plane. The reporters have a bar and a bartender. I totally picked the wrong line of work. Santos tells the reporters that he understands they have a job to do, even if he's not thrilled when they report on "afternoon naps and bedside shrapnel." He goes on to tell them, "So I'm going to address this once. Just this once, and that'll be the end of it, okay? [Pause] No way was that bed steel-reinforced." The reporters laugh, and Santos walks away. But as he does, one persistent reporter asks whether he has any comment on the President stopping the investigation. The tiniest little smile crosses Santos's face, and he turns around: "You know, if that were my White House, I'd call in the FBI. I would do everything in my power to cooperate with both Congress and the grand jury. I'd play it by the law, not by politics. And in case you hadn't noticed, that's exactly what this President is doing." He walks away as the reporters all pounce on their laptops like ravenous hyenas.
Speaking of ravenous hyenas, a different bunch of reporters is screaming questions at Brock as he and his lawyers walk out of the courthouse, presumably on his way to prison. C.J. is watching this on the television in her office. Toby enters, and she tells him that she needs Scheduling and Advance. He wonders why, and she tells him about the moronic idea to plant the table with little flags for the bill signing. It turns out it was Toby's idea. He thinks that while the White House is being investigated, it won't hurt to grab onto little patriotic symbols like that.
On the campaign jet, Louise walks up to Josh and tells him that she's decided she beat him in those three prior campaigns because he was unwilling "to pound [his] candidates." That's not what I've heard. She thinks Josh makes things too personal. Josh tells her, "It's different when you build the candidate from nothing, when you're the person he looks to for more than just shock therapy." And then Bram...you know. Josh and Louise both start walking toward Santos's private room, but Bram (fighting every instinct he has) tells Louise that she has to stay in the scene, because Santos only wants Josh.
Josh enters and tells Santos that he appreciates what he said about the President. He also tells him that he thinks Santos should do the Reserve drill. Santos tells him to look out the window. Josh looks out and knows instantly that they are over the Rocky Mountains. This, to me, is the least believable thing that happened in this episode. Who can identify mountains that clearly from a plane, without some idea as to where the plane is actually located? Nobody, that's who. Josh realizes that Santos must have ordered the pilot to turn around (leading me to conclude that the plane had already flown over the Rockies some time ago on the way to California). Santos tells Josh that they're going to Fort Worth -- he contacted the Reserve Corps and arranged to do this drill immediately: "I didn't have so much as a high-school diploma in my gene pool. That commission's why I'm on this plane. I'm not giving it up." Josh thinks Santos's move is genius, because it gets the great imagery of him in uniform and flying a fighter plane out of the way before the press has time to dig into his history of rescheduling his Reserve duty. Santos tells Josh to clear the schedule for a few days. And maybe tell the press pool that they've been kidnapped. Josh apologizes for Louise's comments earlier (although I'm not sure which ones) -- Josh thinks her ideas should come through Josh. But Santos disagrees. He thinks Louise should be at the table, along with a bunch of other people. Josh points out that one person still needs to be in charge, and starts to say something about the first Bartlet campaign (presumably that Leo filled that role), but Santos interrupts him: "Jed Bartlet was in charge." Santos says that Josh and Louise were both right about different things, and that Santos needs to hear what everybody has to say so that he can decide what to do. Bram enters. I've decided that Bram, like Dualla, deserves his own verb. So from now on, "to bram" will mean to enter a scene just to pull someone out of it. So, Bram brams. And Santos tells Josh that he intends to beat Vinick in all three of Josh's boxes.
And we close with another montage. It's like two hits of recapper crack in one episode. The music is all organ and guitar -- I don't know it, but several eagle-eyed forum posters (or maybe that's "bat-eared forum posters" in this case) thought they heard shades of music from Top Gun. We're at the National Guard Training Center in Fort Worth. People work on planes. Santos, looking scrumptious in his flight gear, strides out onto the tarmac with two other pilots. He climbs into his plane. His name and nickname ("Badger") have been stenciled onto the side of the plane. He rolls the plane out onto the runway.
Back at Santos HQ, people are scurrying around, working. The music continues, but we see news coverage of Santos's Reserve drill. In the conference room, Josh is at the table with a whole bunch of people, including Louise. Santos jumped four points on security issues in the overnight poll, and Congressman Casanova seems to be pulling ahead in the gender gap. The camera pulls out as the staffers all dive into their work. And then the camera pans over to a television showing Vinick at a campaign event. Credits.