This episode is primarily about Santos's two different running mates -- Helen and Leo. Santos is on his last visit home before the election, and Helen is not at all happy about the way the campaign is turning their life upside down. It's even worse when a tabloid publishes a picture showing a flash of Helen's thong, leaving her feeling mortified and trampy. Donna tries to give Helen some advice, but it's advice Helen doesn't really want to hear -- at least, not until she decides whether she really wants her husband to win the election. As for Leo, it's the final days of preparation before the big Vice-Presidential debate, and he's stinking up the room. Even worse, the press hears how badly he's doing. Everyone at the Santos campaign HQ is in panic mode over the upcoming debate, but in the end, Leo turns in a more than competent performance in the debate. And of course, he was the one who leaked the story to the press as part of an attempt to lower expectations. In other topical news, Will and Kate continue the slow and awkward mating dance of the lonely political geek. It ain't pretty, is all I'm sayin'.
Before the previouslies begin, Martin Sheen appears on camera: "Good evening. On December 16, we lost our good friend and colleague John Spencer. Through our shock and grief, we can think of no more fitting memorial to this wonderful man, this extraordinary actor, than to share with you, beginning tonight, the last few months of his work here on The West Wing. Johnny, it seems we hardly knew you; we love you and we miss you." I can only add that no matter what I've ever felt about this show, I always looked forward to John Spencer's work. And I will really miss that gorgeous smile.
The episode proper opens with Leo preparing for his debate. He's in a really pretty room that looks nothing like the Santos campaign HQ. Since it soon becomes clear that all of the debate prep is taking place in D.C., I can only assume the campaign rented some kind of hotel meeting space for the debate prep. Annabeth and a few other campaign folks are sitting at a conference table watching Leo, who's standing at a podium at the end of the room. Otto is standing at another podium. Leo is spouting some line about health care being broken, but he keeps second-guessing himself and the line and trying to change the words around. As a reminder of Leo's frailty, it's extremely painful to watch. He's being videotaped while he's speaking, and we alternate shots of him and shots of his face on a video monitor. Leo finally gets to the end of the line, accusing the Republicans of believing about health care, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." He interrupts himself and castigates himself for messing up the line. Annabeth is looking pretty worried. Leo screws around with the line some more and finally comes around to saying that the Republicans believe, "If it is broke, don't fix it." He doesn't think that sounds right, but Annabeth assures him that it's the line they all agreed on. Otto confirms this, and Leo seems relieved. He asks, "Anyone got a cigarette?" Annabeth points out that they just started prepping. Leo tells her, "I know. I'd like to smoke it and then have someone shoot me." Annabeth asks Otto, who is filling for Governor Sullivan, for his response. And he gives a succinct and forceful rebuttal, accusing Leo of wanting the Bartlet administration to have credit for everything good while giving blame to the Republican Congress for everything bad. Annabeth, in her role as moderator, asks Leo for a response. He seems blown away by Otto's statement, and asks for a break. But even doing that he seems dazed and confused, simultaneously asking for a break, praising Otto's performance, and complaining about the pre-canned lines they're forcing him to use.
We see Leo pacing in the corridor. Annabeth is on the phone with Josh, telling him, "About the V.P. debate Sunday? We may have a problem." Credits.
Josh is striding through the hallway of the Santos HQ, speaking to Donna on his cell phone. He asks her, "He understands this is his last trip home until the election, right?" Donna, not being a mind reader, has no idea what Santos knows. Josh changes tack a bit, telling her, "Tell him this is his last trip home." In addition to lacking telepathy, Donna lacks tact. She turns to Santos, with whom she is riding in the back of an SUV, and tells him, "Josh says this is your last trip home until the election." Josh calls Donna out on her lack of finesse, but the news is clearly no surprise to Santos. Santos tells Donna to tell Josh to "chill." She does so, in exactly those words: "Josh, chill." He's a bit put off, asking her, "Is it somehow not clear that I'm your boss?" Actually, it's not entirely clear. I've been assuming that Lou was her boss. Oh, hey, Bram is also in the back seat. This may be one of the prettiest SUVs I've ever seen. Donna tells Josh that the advice with regard to his reduction in temperature came "on the Congressman's recommendation." Josh is mollified by that, until she tells him, "With which I heartily concur." Josh: "I don't think you get to tell me to chill." Donna tells him, "I wanted to scream it every day for eight years." Josh asks her to fall back on whatever superhuman control kept her in check for all that time. And then Ronna arrives to bram Josh off of the phone, telling him, "It's here." He asks her, "How does Lou look?" Ronna, bless her heart, tells him, "Like she always does. It would be kind of butch on me, but Lou makes it work." Hee. Josh is less interested in Lou's clothing than he is in her demeanor: "Does she look happy? Worried?" Ronna thinks the best word would be "stricken." Josh thinks that this is an example of Ronna's "well-known predilection for panic and exaggeration." She denies having such a predilection, but Josh insists that she does as of that moment, since he doesn't want to believe that Lou is actually "stricken."
Josh and Ronna walk into a conference room. I would say that Lou looks more "shell-shocked" than "stricken." Otto is also in the room. Josh asks Lou, "Is it really that bad?" She tells him, "No. It's worse." And then she pops a tape into a VCR. We see Otto and Leo engaging in some mock debate arguments over tax increases. I have to say, Leo's not hitting it out of the ballpark in this snippet, but he's not awful -- certainly not as bad as what we saw in the opening scene. Josh thinks that Leo must get better as the tape goes on, but Lou tells him that this is actually his best moment. Josh can't stand to watch any more and stops the tape. Even though he's standing right to the machine, he asks Lou to walk across the room to turn it off; I guess operating a VCR is beneath him. Otto is looking at some papers in front of him. Josh sits down and stares at him, and Otto, clearly feeling guilty, asks, "What?" Lou points out that Otto was playing Sullivan, who is a vicious debater. Josh asks Lou if she can make it better, and she tells him that she really has to, since the debate is in two days. Josh tells the assembled group, "Anybody breathes a word of this to the outside, I will devise a punishment that would make Torquemada blanch." Hey, if Torquemada wants to be Blanche, I say he should go for it. He's already got the dress. Ronna and Otto both wonder why they shouldn't leak the news in order to reduce expectations. Lou, with her usual subtlety, tells them, "That doesn't work when you lower expectations and your guy meets them." The phone rings, and Otto answers it. It's Leo, calling for feedback on the tape. Josh gets on the phone and tells Leo, "I never got to see it. The machine ate the tape." As he's speaking, he's unspooling the videotape from the cartridge. Leo, who looks thoughtful but not necessarily suspicious about Josh's blatant lie, asks what other people thought of his performance. Josh lies some more, telling Leo that he heard it was basically fine with some bumps and some areas they need to fine-tune. Leo's a bit more skeptical about this. Josh tells him to get some rest: "Need you to look pretty for twenty million TV viewers." Leo: "[If] that's what we're counting on, campaign's doomed."
In the daylight, the Santos motorcade drives down some suburban-looking Houston streets. They pull up to Santos's house, which is at the intersection of Rancho and Hacienda. On behalf of Houstonians (which I once was) and Latinos (which I've never been), I was going to get all self-righteous about this. But a little Mapquesting turned up both a Hacienda Lane and a Rancho Blanco Drive in Houston. Of course, they're both in the western suburbs where all the white people live. But still. I can only throw some mild scorn in NBC's direction for putting the house of the first Latino presidential candidate at the corner of Rancho and Hacienda. Donna, Santos, and Bram are in the back seat of the limo. Lest you think they've been driving around all night, Donna is wearing a different outfit. Santos starts to reach for the door handle, but Donna stops him and tells him to wait for the photographers to set up. Santos is not happy about politicizing his reunion with his kids, but Donna points out, "Vinick's kids are approaching menopause. We want to get some heartwarming footage of your adorable young children hugging their hale and vital dad." Bram lets them know that everyone is ready. Donna tells Santos to hug his kids out on the lawn. She's become a political monster. Santos walks out of the limo and whistles like he's calling a dog. Oh, no, it's just his son, who comes running out and jumps in his arms. Helen and their daughter walk out, and Helen tells Santos not to throw Junior around too much because he's sick. Santos asks him what's wrong, and Junior tells Santos that he has a cold. And then he wipes his nose on Santos's suit jacket. Heh. Santos kind of winces and turns away from his plague-ridden son. He puts down Junior and picks up his daughter. Uh, we'll call her "Precious." If these kids ever get names, I'll consider using them. Santos asks Precious how she is, and she tells him that her throat is scratchy. Once again, he winces and turns away. He kisses Helen and asks how she is, and she tells him, "I had a little touch of Ebola, but I think I'm over the worst of it." Santos bids goodbye to the press, and the Santoses all walk into the house.
Leo is in his hotel suite talking politics with someone on the phone. It's either a reporter or a donor, because he's making a hard sell about how well the campaign is doing and how much they are catching up to the Republicans. There's a knock on the door, and he opens it for Annabeth, who is holding coffee, pastries, and a bouquet. She scuttles in and tries to feed him a line for his phone call. Leo gets off the phone and tells Annabeth, "When I was in business, all I talked was politics. Now that I'm running for office, all I talk is money." Ah, so that was a donor. Or at least a potential donor. Leo asks Annabeth how he did in the mock debate. She tells him, "Oh, I don't think I have the standing to critique the substance." He accuses her of ducking the question, noting that her "usual conversational mode tend[s] more toward blunt instrument." He asks what she thought of his style, and she tells him, "Uh, that was horrible." She tells him that it's fixable, and suggests that they take steps to knock some years off. She's apparently suggested Botox before, and he doesn't want to hear it. She tells him that the hair and makeup room could be his best friend. He tells her, "It's a hair and makeup room. It's not a time machine."
Annabeth tells Leo that his worst problem is his smirk. He doesn't know what the hell she's talking about, and walks over to a mirror. She joins him, and he tells her, "That's the way my mouth forms." Annabeth: "From decades of smirking." I guess I can see it a little bit. His lips are kind of tight, and they do turn up a bit at the corners. But it's certainly not nearly as bad as another politician I could name. She tells him that, in the right context, a smirk can be very useful, "even devastatingly sexy." But in a debate, a smirk comes off as smug and condescending: "In the context where you're getting waxed by your opponent, it comes off as clueless, defensive, and not a little pathetic." Leo accuses her of moving from blunt instrument to cudgel to bludgeon. She tells him that they can fix the problem, and then asks him a question about health-care costs. He gives his debate answer, and his mouth does move into a smirk at the end. She buzzes him, and he claims that the smirk was appropriate there. She asks him, "You want to come off as wise or wise-ass?" She gives him the question again, and he struggles mightily to control his face as he answers. There's a long pause after he finishes the question, and you can see his mouth twitching at the corners. She tells him he's smirking again, and he vehemently denies it. She sits to him, grabs his face in her hands, and pulls his mouth up into a smirk. He looks at her fingers and mutters, "You want to lose those clear to the knuckle?" She's not scared of him, and she continues to contort his face, pulling his mouth down into the serious pose she would like to see. Leo: "What my life has come to." She tells him to put more specifics in his answers, and he tells her, "Thought you didn't do content?" She just waves her finger in his face because he's smirking again.
Will, walking through a corridor in the West Wing, runs into Kate. They walk along together, and he asks her if she can give him some info about Kazakhstan so that he can brief the press. She seems amenable, so he starts asking questions. Unfortunately, the answer to every question he asks is that the answer is classified and she can't tell him. After a bunch of questions, they've arrived at his office. He accuses her of enjoying their little game of cat and geek. He points out that some of the things he's asking about have been reported in the news, and she tells him that the reporters didn't hear it from anyone in the Administration, and that she still can't confirm anything. She continues not to be able to answer anything he asks, and he tells her, "It makes you feel powerful. 'I am woman, hear me withhold.'" She denies it, and then acknowledges that there are moments when that's true. Will: "That's disturbingly compelling." That's how I feel about this scene. Except for the "compelling" part. He thanks Kate for all her wonderful assistance, and she breezes back to her invisible office.
Back at Rancho Hacienda, Helen is making some iced tea when Santos walks past her and tells her how much he appreciates being home: "A little semblance of normalcy." As he speaks, about thirty campaign staff are speaking on forty phones in the background. Helen has developed a fine sense of the absurd, and she laughs at his idea of "normalcy." He apologizes for all the craziness, but she seems genuinely happy to have him home. They walk through the house, and he asks her if everything has been okay with the Secret Service staff, and whether the neighbors have been upset. She's clearly repressing some things she'd like to say, but she does her best to make it seem as if everything's fine. Man, they have a gorgeous house. Helen walks into...the dining room, I think, where there are some people sitting at the table. Santos opens the front door, and a Secret Service agent asks him what he needs. Santos was planning on getting the mail, but the agent tells him he'll have to wait a few minutes while his security detail shuts down the street. The agent starts vigorously gesturing to other agents, but Santos tells him not to bother. The agent offers to have the mail retrieved, and then tells Santos, "Then it'll need to be screened." Santos is about to close the door when he realizes that there's a loud engine noise in the background. He asks what it is, and the agent tells him that they leave their cars running non-stop. Santos: "The neighbors must love that." The agent seems to think is more of a command than an observation. Santos closes the door, and sees that Helen is staring at him with a pained smile on her face.
Back at Santos HQ, Josh is stalking through the joint reading a piece of paper: "McGarry Debate Debacle?" Worst headline ever. He comes around the corner, and we see that Annabeth, Otto, Lou, and Ronna are forming a flying wedge behind him. Everyone else is walking fast, but Annabeth has to run to keep up. Annabeth has no idea how the blogger got the information about Leo's debate prep. Josh tells them, "Considering he has all the gory details, I'd have to say it was from one of us." Lou snaps at him: "Don't say 'us' when you mean 'you.'" Wait, does she mean Josh or does she mean the rest of them? I'm so confused. Ronna and Otto both deny leaking the story. This might be the time to point out that there were seven other people (besides Leo, Annabeth, and Otto) in the room for the opening scene. Josh tells them that nobody should mention the blog story to Leo: "His confidence is shaky as it is." Josh leads the Flying Wallendas into a conference room where Leo is waiting. Leo's got a laptop open in front of him. He turns to Josh and asks, "You see this?" Josh, who really is a bad liar, tells him, "I heard...something about it, yeah." Leo calmly tells them that they should start on the prep: "We evidently have some work to do." Commercials.
Vinick campaign staffer Bob (a.k.a. Stephen Root, a.k.a. Jimmy James) walks past a television showing footage of Santos greeting his family on his front lawn. Bob is talking on the phone, giving the official campaign response to the blog report (which is that it's an obvious attempt to lower expectations). And then, off the record, he tells the reporter the unofficial response: "I think you can sum up the mood here at Vinick/Sullivan headquarters as 'yippee.'" Well, that's my mood, but only because it's such a joy to see Stephen Root. Sheila (a.k.a. Patricia Richardson, a.k.a. Jill from Home Improvement) and Sullivan are both in the room. Bob tells them both that everyone has the story, and Sheila sighs, "God bless the internet." Sullivan and Bob echo that sentiment. Sheila warns them both not to be overconfident, and Bob responds, "The best thing about being warned about overconfidence is it means you have a hell of a reason to feel pretty damn confident." Sullivan tells them that he intends to prepare to come out swinging against Leo: "McGarry's verbal and tough." That sounds like some personal ads I've seen on Craigslist. Bob thinks Leo may be great behind the scenes, but that he doesn't have the kind of public political experience of Sullivan or other elected officials. Sullivan tells them that he intends to go for the jugular against Leo. Sheila warns him that if Leo is as bad as they've heard, "you might want to dial it back a notch." Bob tells Sullivan, "The trick is to beat his brains in without making people feel sorry for the guy." Yeah, that is a tough trick.
Rancho Hacienda. Santos is sitting at his dining room table with a bunch of staffers, including Donna and Bram. They're talking about the speech he'll be giving at some fundraising event. There's some banter, but none of it is especially memorable. We do see Helen walk by the room as everyone is laughing at something "humorous" said by Santos.
Otto walks into a room at Santos HQ, and Josh grabs him and quietly tells him, "Remember, we're trying to build confidence, so hold back a little." Otto continues walking into the room (which is set up for debate prep), and Lou grabs him and quietly tells him, "This is only useful if it's real. Don't hold back." Poor Otto. Leo, standing at a podium, asks where the camera is. Josh, sitting at the other end of the room with Annabeth, Lou, and Ronna, tell him that there won't be a camera: "The only people who need to see it are right here." Leo would like a tape that he can review, but Lou tells him they don't want him to be too self-conscious. She's only a slightly better liar than Josh. How can I get invited to a poker game with this crowd? (You know what? I bet Ronna wipes the floor with them when they play poker. She's just the type to be a secret shark.) Josh tells Leo that they want him to focus on content, not whether his forehead is shiny. Annabeth interjects, "For the record, your forehead is gorgeous. Actually making me hot." Down, girl. Lou looks nauseated by Annabeth's comment, while Ronna seems about to burst into laughter. Josh opens the prep by asking Leo a question about the International Criminal Court. Leo gives an answer that consists of mostly explaining the Republican opposition to the Court and ends up with about three seconds to say why he and Santos support it before Annabeth cuts him off for going over the time limit. However, other than wasting his time, I don't think his performance here is that bad. He does seem put off his stride by being cut off, however. The watchers at the other end of the room all look down, waiting for someone else to be the first to speak. After a few seconds, Josh says, "Lou?" She gamely stands up and approaches Leo, telling him that the answer was good but that he spent too much time on his opponent's position. Leo: "I felt that." Lou: "Yeah? Good." Lou, don't disrespect Leo, or we'll send you and your eyebrows packing off to Mandyville. Lou tells Leo that his language was a bit dense. Leo doesn't seem to understand what she means, and Lou asks for help. Annabeth jumps in, telling Leo that he could have been more plainspoken. Everyone else in the room agrees with that assessment. Leo, once again, looks lost.
White House briefing room. Will is taking questions, and they're all about Kazakhstan. Since he doesn't know anything, he can't really answer any of them. One of the reporters gets some use out of her Word of the Day calendar, asking Will, "Are you just obfuscating here?" Will tells her that even if he wanted to, he lacks the talent to pretend as much ignorance as he is actually demonstrating.
Rancho Hacienda. Helen is in the bedroom putting on some fancy shoes. Santos enters, apologizing for being late and babbling about the work they were doing on some stimulus numbers. If he were more attentive, he might realize that Helen could use some stimulus of her own. She points out that while he was supposed to be working he and his staff were yukking it up. He tells her, "We enjoy each other's company." She strides to the mirror and snits, "Evidently." He finally starts to read the room, asking her if there's a problem. She tells him, "When you said you were coming home to spend time with the kids, I just got the idea that perhaps you were gonna spend time with the kids." Oh, Helen. The idea you really had was that he was going to spend time with you. But it makes you feel more noble and less like a bitch to make it about your kids instead of yourself. He claims to have played with them earlier that day, and then they argue about whether he's ostracizing the kids because they have colds. And then she starts complaining about the interruption in their family life caused by all the security, harping on the bulletproof glass and the fact that all visitors have to be vetted by the Secret Service. I know this is a lot more extreme, but Santos was Mayor of Houston -- I know he had a security detail during that gig. Helen complains about the security arrangements at her Labor Day barbecue: "To come by and have a hot dog, everyone had to be issued ID pins. My mother, walking around tagged like she was some threatening wacko." Santos is standing behind Helen, but she knows him well enough to tell him, "If you are considering this an opportunity to crack a mother-in-law joke, you are seriously misjudging the mood of your audience." She walks over to the mirror to put on her earrings, and he slowly walks up behind her. His shirt is partly unbuttoned. Damn, he's pretty hot. He slowly tells her, "I had a real good one too." She laughs and asks to hear the joke, but he refuses to tell her, and then wraps his arms around her, kisses her on the neck, and apologizes. He tries to mollify her by telling her, "Think about the neat place we get to live in once we win this thing." If they do win, can I have this house? There's a darling little cough in the background, and Helen looks down to see their daughter. She's complaining because her throat hurts. Santos goes to take care of her, but she insists that she wants Mommy. Helen carries her out of the room to take care of her. Commercials.
Annabeth, Josh, Lou, and Ronna are in Josh's office watching a videotape of Leo's debate prep. On the tape, Leo makes a joke about the state of his health. Lou stops the tape and the critics have an argument about what he should have said. But at least they're focusing on the content and not on his presentation. Josh reveals that they taped Leo using a lipstick camera. He asks if the women "use these at home for [their] personal pleasure." Ronna murmurs, "Wouldn't you like to know." That was pretty sultry. There was definitely some sult in her voice. Lou wonders whether they should cancel the debate. Ronna and Lou seem to think they should, and Annabeth is noncommittal. But Josh tells them that they'll just have to work hard the day. And then he gets shirty with Ronna when she points out that the debate is the day. Annabeth and Ronna leave. Lou looks at Josh, and he says, "He'll be fine. Acceptable." Lou: "I'll take anything over train wreck."
Leo is working at the table in his hotel suite when the phone rings. It's Santos, calling from the limo on the way back from the fundraiser. They make some small talk. The content is not important, but it's nice to see how comfortable these two have gotten with each other. Leo, never one to shy away from difficult subjects, brings up the blog report about his inadequacy as a debater. Santos tries to buck him up, pointing out, "Every time you and I argue policy, you kick my ass." Just as long as Leo doesn't leave any marks when he does. Because it's a pretty ass. Santos gives Leo some advice, which is to listen to his advisers a lot less and trust his instincts a lot more. And then he tells him to skip practice the day and relax so that he'll be fresh for the debate. And then Leo plays confessor to Santos, telling him that he and Helen will be all right: "My best advice? Don't get on the plane angry. Says the divorced guy." Santos laughs and asks, "That make the advice better or worse?" Santos tells Leo to get some rest, and they end the call.
West Wing. Kate pops into Will's office, and they make some small talk about the fact that they are both working on a Sunday. Will starts to ask Kate why she's there, and then jokingly acknowledges that it's probably top secret. He praises her for never pulling out the "if I told you, I'd have to kill you" chestnut while simultaneously acknowledging that she probably could kill him. Kate: "With my bare hands." Do it! Will tells her, "Again, alarmingly alluring." It's much more alarming for the audience than it is for Will, I think. Kate acknowledges that Will has issues to work on, and goes on to flirt, "Which I tend to find compelling, to my continuing misery." Yeah, I always love it when someone tells me that their attraction to me makes them miserable. It's very flattering. For all my joking about these two characters, the actors are demonstrating some remarkable chemistry in this scene. Kate praises Will for his performance in the briefing, and then lets him know that for his briefing there's actual news about Kazakhstan that he can share with reporters. The news is essentially that the world is not about to end. Will seems relieved, but as Kate starts to walk away he tells her, "The prospect of the world ending did have one upside. Figured it gave license to ask whether you might want to have dinner with me before we and the planet went up in cinders." She considers that for a moment and then tells him that there's still a chance the world might end. They make a date for that night.
Santos HQ. Ronna, Annabeth, and Lou enter the office of a very pissed-off-looking Josh. He tells them that the press is full of stories about how bad Leo's been doing at debate prep. Lou thinks it's silly to think one of them leaked, but Josh wonders if any of them told any friends who might have passed the word on. Lou: "I haven't spoken to a friend in two months." Annabeth: "I don't think I have any friends left." Ronna: "All my friends are in this room." Lou tells her, "Okay, you win 'Most Pathetic.'" Hee. Leo knocks on the door and enters the room. He's there to tell them that he's canceling the debate prep for that day so that he can relax and rest up for the actual debate. Lou and Josh suggest that a prep session with fewer people might allow Leo to focus, but he sticks to his guns. He also doesn't try to shift responsibility to Santos, who told him to do this. Which I find very admirable. Of course, Leo's a very admirable guy. Leo leaves, and everybody left in the room looks pretty glum. Josh tells the three of them to start lowering expectations in the press as much as they possibly can.
Rancho Hacienda. Santos, Helen, and the kids are all dressed up in their Sunday best and walking across the yard. Santos jokes that the mass they just attended must have been the safest in America. Helen laughs the laugh of the punch-drunk, and the kids wonder what's so funny. Helen: "Kind of everything." And then their son asks, "Did Teddy's father get his gun back?" (I originally heard that as "Did Father Ted get his gun back." Which sounded a little extreme even for Texas.) Both Helen and Santos find that to be pretty hilarious.
The family enters the house, and Helen tells Donna that the campaign staff can't have Santos: "It's the Sabbath, day of rest." But Donna tells them that there's something they both need to look at. It's a tabloid newspaper with a picture of Santos greeting his family on the cover. Helen is crouching down to wipe her son's nose, and there's a close-up of her rear end. There's a gap between her shirt and her jeans, and you can see the top of her red thong sticking out of the top of her jeans. On top of the thong is some kind of indistinct tattoo. The headline is "Hottie Helen! Up Close and Personal!!! Helen Shows Her True Colors!" The music that's playing is very concerned by this development. (Or maybe it's concerned by the abuse of the exclamation point evidenced in the headline.) Personally, it doesn't seem that bad to me. Especially when you consider that the nation already learned that Santos and Helen broke a hotel bed while having vigorous sex.
Vinick HQ. Bob is looking at the tabloid story on his laptop. He lets out a whistle and wonders if the Santos campaign planted the story to draw attention away from the V.P. debate. Sheila: "Only a man would ask that." Sullivan seems insulted by that remark, so Sheila amends herself, telling Bob, "Only you." Sullivan asks Sheila what the strategy is for Illinois. The Vinick campaign is only four points up in the polls in that state. The plan is to send Vinick to campaign in Chicago and the suburbs while Sullivan hits the more rural areas. Bob, who is still perusing the news, says that the Santos campaign is suggesting canceling the debate. Bob, Sheila, and Sullivan all seem to think that it's all about lowering expectations so much that Leo can't possibly fail to meet them. Bob tells Sullivan, "You go out there, you do your thing. Just watch out it doesn't look like you're kicking a cripple."
Rancho Hacienda. Santos, Helen, Donna, and Bram are in the dining room. Santos is furious and wants Donna to threaten retaliation against any newspaper that uses the photo. Helen is just sitting there with a stunned look on her face. Santos apologizes to her, and she tells him that she finally knows what it's like to be speechless. Donna tries to be sympathetic, telling Helen, "I can understand how you must feel." Helen shoots her down, saying, "Can you? What kind of underwear are you wearing right now, Donna?" Maybe Karen Cahill can tell us. Helen walks away, making a very dismissive gesture in Donna's direction. Santos tells Donna to get the publisher on the phone so that he can yell at him. Donna tries to suggest that's not the best idea, but Santos just yells at her to get the guy on the phone.
Santos HQ. Josh is on the phone in his office, and he subtly closes the door to get some privacy. Aw, he's calling Toby. Josh asks if it's a bad time, and Toby tells him, "No. You caught me in between arraignments." Toby's sitting on a bench in what is obviously supposed to be a courthouse. Let's play "What's Wrong With This Picture?" First, it's Sunday. No trial court is in session on Sunday. Second, there are both D.C. and U.S. flags on poles to Toby, implying that this is a District of Columbia court. I'm sure whatever crime he's accused of is federal, and I don't think federal courts typically display the flags of states (or oppressed colonies, in this case). Third, this set is instantly recognizable to me as one they've used to stand in for a space in the Capitol. It's also possible that there was a mouse chasing a cat and a cockroach reading a newspaper, but I can't be certain. Josh tells Toby, "I'm surprised you haven't changed your cell number." I don't think he'll get a cell number until he's convicted. Toby accuses Josh of being disappointed that he actually reached him on the phone. Toby asks if someone's dead. Josh, sounding a little wounded, tells him, "I've spoken with you." Toby: "Once every six weeks. You can set an extremely slow clock by it." They exchange some banter about which of them has been most distant (during which Josh says that the last time the two of them spoke, Toby was particularly "assholic.") (I think that means he's addicted to asshol.)
They finally get to the meat of the conversation: Josh asks if Toby's seen the news about Leo. Toby thinks it's a typical example of lowering expectations, and seems pretty shocked when Josh tells him Leo really is that bad. Toby recovers and suggests that the story will fade, especially with the news about Helen's tattoo. Toby assumes that Josh is responsible for that story, and when he learns that Josh is not, he tells him, "Really on top of the information flow, huh?" Toby thinks that a crummy performance by Leo in the debate won't hurt the campaign. Josh is more worried that it will hurt Leo. Josh feels guilty for having pushed Leo into the V.P. slot: "If he goes out and embarrasses himself, it's my fault." Toby, channeling my therapist, tells Josh that the world does not revolve around him, and that Leo made his own decision for his own reasons to accept the V.P. nomination. Josh realizes that his whining must sound pretty pathetic to someone facing criminal charges, and he asks about Toby's legal situation. Toby's lawyers have told him not to discuss it. Toby tells Josh not to worry about Leo. Josh promises to call again in six weeks, and Toby points out that that'll be Election Day. Josh: "I forget. In D.C., they let felons vote?" There's a strained silence on the other end of the line, and Josh asks, "Too soon?" Toby thinks so, "just a little bit." They both hang up. Commercials.
Rancho Hacienda. Santos enters the bedroom and tells Helen that he just screamed at the publisher. He apologizes, and she complains about how much the campaign has disrupted their lives. She thinks that all the travel is what made the kids sick, and she tells him that she's not going to do it anymore. He asks her, "Can we talk about this when you're not so upset?" She gives him a little smile that says, "I will never not be so upset." She tells him to change out of his suit, because he promised to throw a football around with Peter. Finally, one of their children has a name. I'm guessing that's the son.
Leo's sacked out on the sofa in his hotel suite watching an old movie. I can hear a familiar female voice saying, "The minute I've had dinner, I'm going to bed. What you need is to get all dressed up and go out and have a good time." It sounds familiar. I have a nagging feeling that it's Lucille Watson, who played Mary's mother in The Women. Someone gayer than I am will have to find out if that's true or not. (Contrary to popular belief, there are people gayer than I am.) There's a knock at the door, and Leo stops the movie and gets up to answer it. He's breathing hard as he walks to the door, and it makes me sad all over again. It's Josh at the door. Leo lets him in, and Josh asks, "You all set for tonight?" Josh asks if Leo has a suit and tie picked out, and when Leo asks if he's there to check up on him, Josh reassures him that he's not worried at all. Except it's not very reassuring, because Josh is a lousy liar. Leo's not fooled, telling Josh, "Thanks for saying it, at least." Leo gets to business, telling Josh to move up the Rock the Vote appearance and to have Helen join Santos. He thinks they can turn the thong/tattoo incident to their advantage by getting younger voters excited about this sexy, hip, young couple. Josh calls it "Camelot for the twenty-first century." Red thongs are a better fashion statement than pink pillbox hats, I have to say. Josh suggests some more debate prep, but Leo puts him off. There's a long moment when Josh sits there, wrestling with the decision about whether to tell Leo how very bad he is. Leo clearly knows what's going on inside Josh's head, because his little smirk starts to turn into that beautiful John Spencer smile. Josh makes a decision and tells Leo, "It's gonna be good." Leo: "It's gonna be what it is." Leo sends Josh on his way. Excuse me, I think I have something in my eye.
Rancho Hacienda. Peter plays some kind of racing game on one of those newfangled videogame machines. Santos is sitting at the coffee table right behind him, playing Go, Fish with his daughter. But he's also on the phone, trying to spin the upcoming debate. Helen walks up behind them and notices that Santos really isn't playing with the kids. The little girl eventually gives up trying to play with her father and goes to sit to her brother to watch him play his game. Helen walks out, and Donna notices that she's not happy.
Bram walks through the front door of the house with Santos's brother. Until he gets a name, he will be Hermano. Bram apologizes to Hermano, who gripes about the security. Bram tells him that they were told he was out of town, which is why he wasn't on the pre-approved list. And now Hermano has a name, as he complains to Bram that his name was wrong on the list: "It's 'Jorge,' not 'George.'" (I thought his name wasn't on the list?) Bram tells him the list (which he was apparently not on) was made based on Jorge's driver's license. Jorge tells him, "I'm getting it changed." Santos gets off the phone and greets his brother with a hearty hug. Jorge tells Santos that he invited a couple of "business associates" to come to Rancho Hacienda for drinks and a photo, and wants to know if they can get through Security. Santos looks at Bram (standing behind Jorge), who makes a pretty negative face. But Santos is a sucker, and tells Jorge that they'll make it work.
Helen's in the back yard cleaning up some art supplies the kids were using at the picnic table. (I mean, I imagine it was the kids. I guess it's equally possible the campaign is so low on cash that the staff is making campaign posters by hand.) Donna walks up to Helen and tells her that she has a lovely home. Helen is clearly pissed, telling Donna, "It's even nicer when you don't have shouting protesters holding pictures of fetuses just up the street." After a second, Helen tells Donna, "I'm sorry for snapping at you before." But apparently not sorry about the rude response she just made to Donna's compliment. Donna, sounding all kind of fake to me, tells her that it's completely understandable. I mean, it is completely understandable that Helen would be snappish, but Donna has a tone that sounds exactly like she's speaking with the boss's wife. Helen complains about having "entire cable news segments devoted to debates about whether [she] seems kind of whore-y." Donna tells her that the picture and the coverage probably help more than they hurt, because it makes the potential First Couple seem "sexy and hip." Donna suggests that part of the problem is that Helen hasn't taken the opportunity to define herself, so trivial stories get overblown. Helen points out that she's not running for President, and Donna calls her on acting more naïve than she is: "It might be time for you to start talking about what kind of First Lady you'd like to be. I'd like to help you with that, if you'll let me." Helen tells her that she has no idea what kind of First Lady she wants to be, because she's not even sure she wants Santos to win the election.
Backstage at the debate. Lou and Josh are shouting instructions and tips to Leo as they walk toward the stage. Annabeth pops up behind them and tells Leo, "Hey, look at me." They all stop and turn around, she gives him an appraising look. After a second, she smiles and says, "Gorgeous." Leo pretends not to be flattered, but there's a twinkle in his eye. Ronna arrives to bram Leo away. Lou and Josh leave, but before Leo walks away, Annabeth says to him, "Hey, McGarry? You're smirking." He smiles and says, "Yeah?" before turning and walking away.
Oh, good Lord, this is pathetic. Will and Kate are having their dinner date in Will's office. The table is nicely set, and there's candlelight and wine, but they're eating takeaway food. And it's his office. He dispenses an aluminum container to each of them. As they pry off the cardboard lids, she tells him that she has a little order envy of his salad. He offers to let her have it. The salad, I mean. Although another offer may come later in the evening. She says no, but he tells her it's a "one-time, first date offer." Didn't they go to Ellie's wedding together? Was that not a date? She takes him up on the offer. And then he turns on the television to watch the debate. Sexy.
We get a montage of different people watching the debate. Leo's not a star, but he's doing a more than adequate job. Leo gets a question about his medical history and whether voters should be concerned about the fact that he will be in line of succession to the President. Leo gives an answer that is all about how uninsured Americans should have access to health care and not at all about his own health. It's a nice answer that makes Leo look concerned and engaged. Josh, a smile on his face, says, "I can kiss somebody." He turns to see Lou sitting to him, and adds, "Or, you know, not." Leo finishes his answer, and Santos (sitting on his bed with Helen and the kids) shouts out, "Damn straight!" Precious turns to him and says, "You said a swear." Helen laughs.
It's the end of the debate, and Leo is being congratulated by cheering campaign staffers backstage. The crowd breaks up, with Ronna inviting Leo to join all the staffers for a drink. He walks off to remove his makeup, and Annabeth follows him (once again running to keep up). She tells him, "Son of a bitch!" Leo's shocked by the profanity coming out of her girlish mouth. She accuses him of sandbagging them, pretending to suck when he was really good all along. He tells her that he really was as bad as he seemed, and that he was scared to death when Josh wouldn't show him the tape of his first prep session: "So I leaked it." She looks shocked, and he tells her that he had to do it because he was scared that Josh wouldn't do the sensible thing and leak it himself. She wonders how the hell he leaked it without seeming ridiculous. He tells her, "I covered my tracks. I've been at this a while, let a couple think it was you." She asks, "Wasn't the voice a big tip-off?" Leo: "There's not enough helium in the cosmos." What he did was borrow her email account: "Never use your cat's name as your password." Heh. Josh pops out of a doorway to give Leo a hug. Leo tells him, "Never make me do this again." Josh: "In four years, book it." Josh runs back into the spin room, and Annabeth leaves to change her password.
Rancho Hacienda. It's late Sunday night, and Santos and the staffers are leaving. Santos walks down the stairs with Helen, who tells him that she'll join him in Phoenix for a campaign appearance on Thursday. He mentions that there's a waterslide at the hotel, and she jokes, "I'll pack a Victorian bathing dress." He was talking about something for the kids to do, obviously, but it's nice to see her able to laugh about it. He tells her how much he misses the kids, and her, and she seem understanding. They exchange a last kiss before he tears himself away and heads out to the waiting motorcade. Helen is left alone in that gorgeous house.
Leo sits alone in a room (not sure if it's his hotel suite or what). He's watching talking heads discuss the debate while he loosens his tie and sips a drink.
Santos looks sad in the back seat of his SUV. After a couple of pensive seconds, he sneezes. Credits.