By Deborah
Shout-out to Alan Swann.
Previously on The West Wing: Simon Donovan bought the farm; Toby and Jed sparred over campaign strategy and political image; Charlie dredged up a fired White House employee to interview for Mrs. Landingham's position; Fitz, Leo, and Jed organized the assassination of the Qumari Defense Minister.
Black screen. A crowd chants, "Four more years! Four more years!" A record of POTUS's activities appears on the screen: 9:55 - Motorcade arrived at campaign site. 10:25 - President concluded campaign event. Motorcade departed for Unionville. 10:30: Phone-r-Sec. Hutchinson. We hear Jed telling the crowd that he likes the thinking of the guy holding a sign that says "Eight more years," but that he thinks he's tested the Constitution about as far as Abby's going to let him. Now we see Jed at the podium, in the middle of a clearing in a field, with red, white, and blue balloons a-waving in the sunshine. He tells an anecdote about a guy whose car gets stuck in a muddy hole. I'm having flashbacks to Leo's story in "Noel." A farmer comes along and says he'll pull the guy out, but it will cost fifty bucks, because this is the tenth time he's had to pull a car out of the mud today. The driver wonders when the farmer has time to work his land: "At night?" The farmer replies, "No, no, nighttime is when I fill the hole with water." The crowd laughs. Jed continues, saying that they need to find energy alternatives, and that they're getting their "cue" now. He says that the Republicans are busy trying to convince voters that they care about new energy and that they're not in the vest pockets of Big Oil, which is a tough sell. Jed says the Republicans' only hope is that the populace doesn't notice that they're the ones filling the hole with water every night: "And I think Americans are smarter than that. I think we noticed!" The crowd cheers and applauds.
C.J. zips across the stage behind POTUS to ask Donna where Josh and Toby are. She says they're in the soybean fields talking to Cathy. C.J. doesn't know who Cathy is. Donna explains she's "the daughter," but that she likes saying that Toby and Josh are in the soybean fields. C.J. says that they're running late. Donna will get them. From the soybean fields, don't you know. Bartlet carries on: "This isn't the time for people whose doomsday scenario is a little less at the pumps for Texaco and Shell. This isn't the time for people who say there aren't any energy alternatives just because they can't think of any. This is a time for American heroes, and we reach for the stars!" The crowd heartily approves, eager, I suppose, to feel like heroes for being willing to drive their big-ass vehicles powered with soy instead of petroleum-based products. Or at least to make a living from those who are willing to do so. Don't get me wrong: energy alternatives (and a lot of other things that go along with them) are long overdue, but I don't know that they qualify as "heroic." That's a word for people who run into burning buildings, and intervene in domestic violence, and hide persecuted people in their basements, and it seems a little over-the-top here. I'm just saying.
Toby's walking a little ahead of Josh and Cathy, a local farmer, near the parking area. Cathy thinks Toby seems a little tense and wants to know why. Well, the real answer is that he's Toby, but Josh says it's because POTUS is speaking. Cathy calls ahead to Toby, "Why aren't you there?" Toby says it's tough to explain. Josh tells Cathy that it isn't. Toby stops and shushes Josh, trying to make out what POTUS is saying in the distance. Toby says "Okay," and starts walking again. He seems annoyed, but I can't tell if it's because he couldn't hear POTUS or because he could. Josh tells Cathy that POTUS has his blood pressure taken every morning: "On higher blood pressure days, Toby's not allowed to be in the President's sightline while he's speaking." That doesn't seem like information they should be casually disclosing to Indiana farmers. Toby complains, I believe about something he's heard Jed say: "He stepped on it." Josh to Cathy: "He has trouble concealing his displeasure." Toby: "Stepped on it, and he knows it, too."
Cathy says, "Look," stopping to talk with Josh as Toby wanders off. Josh asks, "What do I say to people who ask why we subsidize farmers when we don't subsidize plumbers?" Cathy: "Tell them they can pay seven dollars for a potato." Josh chuckles. Cathy says that there are 200 acres of soy fields on their farm, which nets her family thirty dollars an acre. I know you can do the math: $6000 a year. That's just sickening. It's been both scary and painful as hell to watch family farms destroyed as things have changed in North America over the last few decades. Farming has always been a very hard way to make a living, but at least it used to be theoretically possible to do so, and occasionally, even financially rewarding. Every farmer I know has a second job. I don't think any of the farmers I know want their children to choose farming for a living. The most lucrative thing you can do with a farm in many places is sell it to a developer and let them build some ugly bunch of monster homes on it. Toby hushes Cathy again. He listens to POTUS, then says that he worked with the Conference Committee to increase payment limits to small farmers, and they'd have done it, too, if they could have agreed on the definition of "small."
Just then Donna comes over to hustle them off. Cathy tells Toby, "You seem pissed that I brought it up." Toby says he's not, that they're just talking. Donna says that they've really gotta go. She seems a little frenzied about it. Josh explains to Cathy that Donna's nervous, because when they were in Kentucky recently a couple of guys got left behind when the motorcade took off. Donna corrects him, saying it was Tennessee, and that they were never heard from again. Josh: "They took a cab." Cathy doesn't care about all that, and who can blame her? Her family works twenty hours a day for $6000 a year. Josh tells Cathy that whatever definition the Committee had come up with would simply have created more business for the lawyers of big farm corporations. Josh says he wishes they could have had more time to talk. Cathy pleads, "There's no way you guys could stay a little -- meet some people, maybe catch up with the campaign at the stop?" Josh says they've got another stump in Unionville, and then they get on the plane, because they've got a full schedule in the office. Cathy: "We've got some voters here, Josh. Did you forget?" Josh says he didn't. Toby claims they're voting for Writchie (tm sobell -- I think). Toby says that Indiana is voting for Writchie, and that if there were someone less competent than him, they'd vote for that candidate. Cathy: "Why'd you come out here?" She seems surprisingly comfortable in talking to them this way. Toby would like an answer to that question himself. She says that he can write off Indiana, but that he shouldn't write off small farmers: "It's getting bad out here. It is bad out here." Josh counters, "We paid farmers $67 billion last year." Cathy mutters, "Oh, God," and walks on ahead in disgust.
As they make their way around the buses, Josh tells Toby, "You wanna lighten up a little?" Toby: "I am lightened up. This is me lightened up. You're saying lighter?" Josh: "Yeah." Cathy tries again: "Josh, the $67 billion bought this country the least expensive food and the greatest variety of it in the world...surely that's gotta register." Actually, I think I've read that Canada has the lowest food prices in the world. Donna stops short and looks dismayed: "Hang on..." Josh: "Where is it?" The closed captioning says that Toby says: "Where the hell is it?" But I don't hear that. Josh: "Where's the motorcade?" Some audience members walk toward them, and Josh asks them where the motorcade is. One woman points and says, "It’s out there." Josh turns around, sees the convoy of black limos and SUVs leaving, and shouts, "Hey! Hey!" As if they're going to notice and hear him. The woman asks if they need a button: "Bartlet for America?" And credits. Welcome to Season Four. Some new pictures and some old in the credits.
Donna's on the cell phone when Josh comes along barking a lot of orders at her, oblivious to the fact that she's on the phone. She keeps telling him to hang on, and he keeps haranguing her, telling her to get off the phone with whoever she's talking to, until the look she gives him makes it clear she's already doing what he's telling her to do. Maybe this is the year Josh realizes she's quite competent. Or maybe this is the year she changes her name to "Radar O'Reilly," a comparison suggested by Alan Swann in the forums. She hangs up and tells him that there's no trailer car today. Josh: "Good budget cut. Good item." He asks Cathy where the closest cab is. She says it's about 110 miles, "as the crow flies." Criminy, that's even farther than I live from a cab. Donna asks what the best way is for her to get Josh and Toby to Unionville. Cathy says she'll take them. She says it'll give her the chance to show them the soy diesel car. Josh is a little nervous about the car's capabilities. Cathy assures him that it's a regular car. She says it's actually Cap's car, and that he'll come along. She tells them to meet her at the back of the house. As she runs off, Josh asks Donna who Cap is. She doesn't know. Josh shouts for Toby. Man, the credits are just going on and on. Everybody and his or her dog's in this one.
Toby, with coffee and what looks like pie (yay! pie!) in hand, starts making his way over to Josh and Donna, but as an audience member passes him, he stops her and asks if she heard the speech. She did. He asks, "The section on HMOs...did he land it?" The woman isn't sure what to say: "I'm sorry?" Toby: "He didn't, did he?" She replies reassuringly, "I thought he was very good." Toby mutters, "The muddy hole joke?" Josh keeps shouting, and Toby and the woman go their separate ways. As Josh and Donna hustle off, she reminds him: "Never heard from again, Josh."
Leo (yay! Congrats on the extremely well-deserved Emmy, Mr. Spencer!) is watching the news in his office when Margaret comes by to tell him that the campaign is on its way to Unionville. Leo asks whether Abby is still in Madison. Margaret says that she'll check. Leo wants to know when POTUS is back. They pedeconference as Margaret says 3:00 is wheels down. POTUS's first meeting is with the Treasurer of the United States, not to be confused with Treasury Secretary. I bet Leo knows that. Leo plays Exposition Fairy, saying that the Treasurer deals with the colour of money and wants to know what the meeting is about. Margaret checks and says, "Colour currency." Leo tells her to push it, and to push his meeting on Health and Fitness, too: "I want the Trade Rep and as many of the economic advisors as we can at the 3:30." Margaret: "Speaking of health and fitness..." Leo turns and glares at her: "Oh, merciful God!" I aspire to be able to say that in the exact way Leo just did. Margaret: "What did you have..." I guess she's decided to model her relationship with Leo on the one Mrs. Landingham had with Jed. Also, she's secretly in love with him, and wants him to be in good shape to father and raise her children. Hey, she's got a shot! We know he likes redheads. Leo barks, "I had half a grapefruit!" Margaret: "Really?" Leo: "You think I'm lying?" Margaret: "No." Leo turns, walks up a short flight of stairs, and says "Okay." As he goes, Margaret narrows one eye and says, "Yes." Leo says, "I’ll be in the Sit Room for a minute; I'd like him when he's done at the site."
Leo enters the Situation Room; the half-dozen or so people in the room greet him. He begins by saying that the Dow's down 260. One guy asks if it's going to rebound. Leo: "What do I know?" He adds, "Could someone get me half a grapefruit? I got Jack LaLanne working for me this week." He puts on his glasses and wants to go around the table for the quicksheet. Fitz begins, stating that a small force of North Korean soldiers may stage an incursion into the DMZ. Leo ascertains that it's a reaction to POTUS's trip to Seoul. up: South America. A woman I don't recall ever seeing on the show states that General Garcia has declared himself in rebellion against Carlos Velasco. Leo: "Is Velasco's government in danger, or is this just another crazy general with guns?" He turns to Fitz and says, "No offense, Fitz." Fitz doesn't appear to take any. The woman says that they're being advised to wait until Garcia calls for elections. : Africa. A man I think we've seen before (all these Sit Room guys start to look the same to me after a while, especially when they don't have names. I need words to hang on people if I'm expected to remember them) says that Mozambique is requesting a peacekeeping force to help distribute grain. Leo: "A peacekeeping force to distribute grain?" Well, I suppose that's what becomes necessary when people are desperately hungry. It's not unusual for riots and violence to break out at food distribution sites in places where people are starving. Leo doesn't even bother to reply to this, and moves on to the Middle East. The person reporting on this says that there's nothing much other than a communiqué from the new ambassador to Qumar. Leo remains casual, but asks what it's about. The other guy says that about a month ago, the investigation into Shareef's missing plane was reopened. Leo asks whether they found anything. Other Guy says he doesn't know, but that the Emergency Locator Transmitter never went off. Leo knows. Fitz says that they'll assemble all the military rescue efforts and feed them into State: "They can give the Ambassador and the Sultan another report." Leo agrees to that, and moves on to Eastern Europe. He and Fitz exchange many meaningful glances. Oh, just kiss already! It's reported that Warsaw transit workers are planning to strike, since they haven't been paid in four months. Yeah, that's gotta suck. Leo's not really listening anymore. He's thinking about how he's going to break Margaret's heart when he tells her about him and Fitz. Also, about how to arrange things so that he, Fitz, and Jed aren't tried for murder. But more just about Fitz.
Ginger comes though a door. She seems kind of...casually dressed for work. Maybe it's the weekend? No, we know it's Monday. She's wearing a tank top and a tight vest with tiny cap sleeves. It just seems...not conservative enough for this office. Anyway. She sees Sam -- who's looking very fetching in a black sweater (Rob Lowe can really wear the heck out of V-neck and crew-neck sweaters) -- and runs up to him, saying, "Whoa, whoa, you're not supposed to be here!" Well...what a line to attach to Rob Lowe's first appearance in Season Four. For those of you who've just been released from cryogenic comas, the word is that he's leaving the show this year, probably around mid-March. Many efforts have been mounted to convince everyone involved not to go through with this, but he seems pretty determined and insists that he's had it made clear to him that there is no future for his character on the show. If you want to read more about this (much, much, much, much more) read the thread about him in Staff section of the forums. Sam starts to make excuses, and Ginger says, "The orders were very strict." Leo, coming down the hall, sees Sam and commands, "Hey! Go home!" Yikes. I know this was probably written before the whole contract negotiation came to a head, but it just seems particularly painful somehow, since Lowe seems both truly sad and yet absolutely firm about leaving. Sam says he is. Leo catches up with him and says he hasn't had a day off since the convention (which one?), and that he's been up for the past two nights, and Leo doesn't want a zombie. That's right. He wants Fitz. Leo cites all the recent achievements: the energy book's done, the Midwest poll is out, etc.: "Pawn off the surrogate movements and get a few hours' sleep." Sam says he just came to check on the Southern governors: "Somebody's gotta be watching the politics." Leo assures him that somebody is: "The White House Office of Political Affairs." Sam asks, "Where is he?" Leo says he's about to go on at Fort Bristol. Sam mentions the Dow's down 270. Leo: "Go to sleep." Sam tells him to talk to the hand. No, he just says, "I'm not fighting with you." He goes into his office.
On a black screen, we get more details of POTUS's movements (no, not that kind -- yeesh): 11:15 - President arrived at Naval Warfare Center Crane and began his remarks. 12:55 - Motorcade proceeded to Reynolds Air Force Base. President boarded AF-1. 12:57 - Wheels up. Man, wouldn't you like to have a plane take off two minutes after you boarded it, instead of sitting on the damn runway for four hours while your honeymoon slowly gets pretty well ruined? Not that I'm bitter or anything. We hear sirens and then see a limo pull up. POTUS disgorges; C.J. and Bruno do likewise from a different vehicle. No one seems to notice the absence of Josh, Toby, and Donna. As they all walk along, attended by various security people, Bruno says that POTUS should mention the military pay raise. C.J. says he won't. Bruno insists that he should. C.J. says he won't. Bruno wants to know if POTUS is going to mention the hundred outpatient clinics they're adding to the VA hospitals. Of course not. Military housing upgrades? Of course not. A cell phone rings; someone answers it and gives it to Bruno as he's haranguing C.J.: "He should say, 'We don't give these people anything. They earn it.'" C.J. takes the opportunity of Bruno's distraction to tell POTUS that Gehrman-Driscoll announced before the bell that it was filing for bankruptcy; an hour later it was Jennings-Pratt and DWA. Jed: "They had exposure in the fund?" C.J. confirms this. Jed is amazed that the Dow's only down 270. She says it's early. Jed: "That's what you want to say to me?" Bruno's off the phone, and Jed tells him the financial news. Bruno starts reciting the list of brownie points he wants Bartlet to mention. Jed: "It's against the law to campaign on a military base." Bruno: "Yes, technically." Jed: "No, legally." I'm not sure Bruno will understand this. Jed says, "These Army guys are DRF-1. They're division-ready. They can be deployed in two hours. These Navy guys are going to deploy overseas for six months." Bruno starts to say he didn't realize, but Jed keeps telling him the status of various servicemen, and how they can be sent anywhere anytime: "I don't want to screw around with them." Bruno says he didn't realize they were division-ready. Well, what difference does it make if it's illegal to campaign on a military base? Is that the point, or isn't it? As Bartlet climbs up the platform stairs, Bruno suggests winking. Bartlet glares, and Bruno says he was just making a joke. Jed's not laughing. Bruno: "I kid because I love." That's Bruno. Always with the kidding, and the loving.
As POTUS makes his way toward the podium and is announced, everyone claps. Jed: "Good morning. We haven't met. I'm your Commander-in Chief." A wave of polite laughter as they all sit down. He tells them, "This is the greatest fighting force in the history of the world, and I wanna tell you why...."
Josh, Toby, and a guy who must be Cap are in the back of a pickup, barrelling down the road. Cap says it's a regular diesel engine, no retrofitting. Cool! That means Frink and I can use soy fuel in our car, since it's a VW that takes diesel. Cap says, "The glow plugs heat up the fuel, but from there the soy diesel just keeps exploding on itself like any engine." Cathy and Donna are in the cab. Josh asks, "You did it yourself?" Cap says it's easy. Toby's antsy about the fact that Jed's speech will have started by now. Josh tells Cap that they have to get Toby to Unionville, because he's going to wig. Josh tells Toby to take his mind off it, maybe by thinking about the lovely Cathy: "Farmer's daughter with a Master's degree? Wholesome, but...maybe not too wholesome?" Oh my Lord, what a jackass. He grins at Toby: "I think she liked you, too." Toby's unmoved. Josh asks Cap: "How do you know Cathy?" Cap: "She's my girlfriend." Well, that wipes the smirk off Josh's face. Let me just add for the benefit of those who didn't see the show, that Cap is about the size and shape of a junior sumo wrestler. He could probably tie Toby and Josh into a granny knot without working up a sweat. Josh tries to recover: "That's great! She's really nice." Desperate to change the subject, he looks over Cap's shoulder and asks, "Is that corn out there?" Cap says no. Josh: "What is it?" Cap: "Trees." Bwah! Josh: "'Kay."
Back to POTUS, still speechifying: "So what will I remember? What will I tell my grandchildren? I'll tell them that I stood on the Great Wall of China and that I stood in the well of the U.S. House of Representatives. I'll tell them I sat with kings and cardinals and made an appointment to the Supreme Court. And I'll tell them that one morning in September, I got to spend a few minutes with the men and women of Air Wing One." I think the grandchildren will be falling asleep by then, and asking things like, "Did you ever meet Bono? Or Fred Durst?" Jed continues: "May God bless you and your families, and may He continue to shed His magnificent grace upon the United States of America. Thank you so much." Maybe God could spare a little for the rest of the world while He's at it, too. The audience stands and applauds. Jed puts his fist to his chest for a moment before he waves and leaves. The choir starts singing "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" as he walks offstage. Nancy-the-assistant (as opposed to Nancy-the-ass-kicking- National-Security-Advisor) gives Charlie the phone, saying it's Leo for POTUS. Charlie goes over to C.J., who tells him that she needs to talk to him about something. He tells her he's got Leo for the President. Jed's making his way through a line-up of officers, shaking hands. C.J. catches his eye and makes the telephone gesture.
Margaret comes into Leo's office to tell him that Jed's on the line. Jed tells him that things are going well, and that "it feels good" out there. Leo asks whether he knows about the Dow. He does. Jed says it'll rebound. He reiterates how good it feels out there on the campaign trail. He wants to know what Leo's up to. Leo says he's going to meet with Fitz for a minute. About nothing. Jed's not buying it. He knows Leo's hiding something. He's suspected for a while that he's been losing Leo's affections. Leo tries to brush it off. Jed finally gets it out of him -- as the choir sings "The truth is marching on..." -- that Qumar's reopened the investigation. Jed's silent for a moment, and then says they're coming home now. Jed hangs up, looks grave, and walks off toward his ride beneath an enormous American flag, as the choir sings, "Glory, glory, hallelujah, His truth is marching on!" Seems a tad heavy-handed, no? Isn't the music usually a wee bit more subtle than this? And we're into the first commercial.
A crop duster takes off as Cap's pickup speeds down the road. With them out here in the fields, I think Sorkin missed his chance to do a little parody of North by Northwest with Toby in Cary Grant's role. In the cab, Donna wonders if they're not taking Cathy away from some other obligation. Cathy says she loves driving clueless idiots from Washington around. No, she explains that it's on the way to her job anyway. Donna's surprised to learn that Cathy has a second job as a claims adjuster. I guess she didn't hear about the $6000 a year Cathy's family earns busting its hump farming. Cathy says it has benefits. Donna: "You get to meet people?" Cathy means health benefits. Donna says, "It covers your father." Cathy doesn't get a chance to answer, because the truck runs out of gas...er, soy diesel at that exact moment. She says, "You guys are gonna kill me." Donna: "Is it out of gas?" Cathy says there's a gas station about a thousand yards down the road. In the back, Josh wonders why they're slowing down. Cap's "uh oh" clues him in to the nature of the problem: "Are we out of gas?" Cap: "Diesel." Come on. I live out in the middle of nowhere and nobody who lives that far away from everything ever leaves home without sufficient fuel to get where they're going, even if that's just to the first gas station! You have to be, as folks say, "right stupid." If it's on the way to Cathy's job, she has to know how much fuel it takes to get there. I don't know, maybe I'm spoiled by the fact that Frink knows down to the ounce how far our fuel will take us, and keeps perfect track of our mileage, and that we always have an extra can of diesel in the trunk, but I still don't buy that any farmers or rural residents worth a damn would set out on a 110-mile journey without sufficient fuel. But it's all in the service of the plot, so let's move along.
The truck stops altogether, and Cathy gets out and says they're out of gas. Cap corrects her: "Diesel." Toby: "Nobody cares." Well, aren't you friendly? Donna says there's a gas station down the road. Cap says that they don't have diesel. Wouldn't Cathy know that? Owners of diesel vehicles have to know where the stations are that sell it, because most don't, and it can be a long way between the ones that do. We've had some fun times when travelling in towns and cities we're not familiar with, trying to find a diesel station when we needed one. Josh stands up, belly-to-belly with Cap, and asks quietly whether they've run out of gas because Josh said Cathy was wholesome, but not too wholesome. Cap says that he can't make a car run out of gas. Josh mumbles to himself: "I don't know. You can make glow plugs explode things." Donna asks where the closest diesel is; Cap says ten miles. Donna tries to figure stuff out: they've missed Unionville, and they've got a bit more than an hour until the plane leaves, and they can make it if they call a volunteer to pick them up at the gas station. She adds, "You guys can have the tow truck meet you there." Cathy says they're not calling a tow truck; it's just out of gas. She seems awfully unconcerned about being late for work, by the way. Cap corrects her again on the gas/diesel thing. Cathy says they'll just hitch back to the farm and pick some up. I don't believe they wouldn't carry a can in the back of this truck. Preposterous. Josh asks, "Somebody's gonna pick you up out here?" On cue, a truck approaches, Cap gestures, and the guy stops. He asks whether they need a lift back to the farm. Cathy tells the driver, "Cy, these guys work for Bartlet." Josh waves and says, "How you doing?" Cy: "Didn't vote for him the first time. Don't plan to the second time." Josh says nothing. Cathy wishes them a good trip, and asks them to remember some of the stuff she said. Josh thanks her for all the help. As they drive off, Josh starts giving Donna orders again to do...well, exactly what she's already doing. She gives him a look. Toby hasn't moved from his position in the back of the truck. Josh, looking around: "This is fun! We're roughing it!" Yeah, I burst out laughing at that one. What a rube. Toby grimaces and makes that little finger-rubbing gesture that he does when he's aggravated. Josh repeats quietly, "This is fun."
Margaret comes in to tell Leo the Chairman's here. She asks whether he has any idea why there were women with aprons and rolling pins at Mrs. Bartlet's Madison event this morning. Leo asks how in the blue blazes he would know. No actually, he just asks Margaret to elaborate, which she does, being Margaret. A friend of hers went to hear Abby speak and there were twenty women in back wearing aprons and holding rolling pins. Maybe they thought they were at the Pillsbury Bake-Off. Leo doesn't know: "Maybe they were making pies?" Margaret wants to talk about it, but Leo just wants her to send in his appointment. Fitz comes in and closes the door. He says, "The tracks are covered." Leo: "Yeah." He doesn't sound convinced. Fitz: "We did a legitimate SAR with the UK and Royal Qumari Guard." (I believe SAR is search and rescue.) He adds, "This is a plane that went down in the Bermuda Triangle. Plain and simple." Leo wonders whether these Bermuda Triangle things really happen. Fitz seems amazed that Leo would ask. Leo says he thought it might be like Toscanini landing in a corn field. Fitz cites the many conveyances that have disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle. Leo wonders whether there's a chance that they could find the plane. Fitz says, "We dismantled the ELT, left the plane in twenty-seven pieces, scattered among other wrecks, buried in underwater landslides and limestone cliffs. And if they find the plane, there's still no evidence of anything being anything." Fitz says that there were SEALS and Special Ops doing the job who knew what they were doing. Leo accepts this and suggests that they stay in touch during the day. As Fitz nears the door, Leo asks, "Just out of curiosity, what do you think would happen?" Fitz says, "I don't know what would happen to you and me, but I'm pretty sure the President would be invited to see the inside of the Hague." Leo's all tough-guy, and says they can invite all they want; he isn't going. Why, exactly, should POTUS be exempt from the same consequences as leaders of the other sixty-one member states? Just because he's the P of TUS? Oh, okay. Fitz suggests that this might be a good time for Leo to reconsider their position on an international war crimes tribunal. Leo: "Perhaps this would be a good time for you to..." Fitz: "Get out of your office." He leaves saying he'll talk to Leo later.
Black screen. 1:20 - President met with Mrs. Walker. 1:40 - President met with Mrs. Harrison. We see Air Force One in the clouds. C.J.'s talking to the press corps in its section of the plane. She says that they've got an addition to their running list of things Writchie's not, after a speech he made that morning, during which he said, "I'm no scientist, but I know a thing or two about Physics." She says they can add that to "doctor," "mindreader," and "Chinese." One reporter asks about the women dressed in aprons and rolling pins. C.J.: "They were dressed in rolling pins?" He says it's from the Milwaukee Sentinel, which is apparently not the correct name of the paper: it's the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. C.J. doesn't know, and asks him to find out. Another reporter wants to know whether POTUS is coming back for questions. C.J. says he'll try, but that he's interviewing potential secretaries. She tells them that there are steak sandwiches for lunch. I'll bet the airline meals are pretty good on Air Force One. Nobody seems to miss Josh, Donna, and Toby.
POTUS is with Ed and Larry. They seem to have moved up in importance. They have some brief, meaningless (in terms of what we can glean about it from this scene) exchange with POTUS, and then leave together. Just kiss already. Charlie brings in a middle-aged woman named Meredith Walker. She's wearing a nice suit and a necklace that is a monument to bourgeois taste. She has kind of a cold, intimidating look about her. She and POTUS shake hands, and he remarks on how their schedule's so crazy that sometimes they have to schedule meetings on the plane in order to get everything done. He asks, "Were you impressed by the plane?" She replies, "It's an airplane, sir. I'm not very easily impressed." Yeah, you so don't get the job, lady. If the President's impressed with the plane, it seems like it might be smart to pretend to be, too. Jed counters, "It's got an apartment and an operating room." And steak sandwiches. She says, "Yes, sir." He says she's met with the director of the Office of White House Personnel, Donald McKittridge, and asks whether she's met with Charlie. She has. He says that Charlie probably mentioned that this job requires the successful applicant to be able to hold a lot of dates, names, and numbers in her head. She knows. He asks if she was told the pay scale. She was. He asks whether she knows about some of the perks. Mrs. Walker: "Like what?" Jed: "Well, for instance, we have our own 747 and it's flown by an Air Force General." She says, "Yes," in a pretty hoity-toity way. All right, lady, that was your last chance. Jed puts on his glasses and says, "Okay, let's talk about your last job."
Through a window we see Toby, Josh, and Donna walking up to the front of a general store. Mellow country music plays on the soundtrack. Josh comes in while the other two hang on the porch. He says to the older man behind the counter, "Good morning! We're stranded and waiting for a ride. Do you mind if we wait here?" The guy asks how they got stranded. Josh explains that they were campaigning nearby with POTUS and got left behind. When the owner hears that they were with Bartlet, he pretty much loses interest and says, "Oh, yeah," and returns to looking at his paper. He says, "Didn't vote for him the first time. Don't plan on voting for him the second time." Josh -- not in the mood to try to win converts, I guess -- says they'll just wait outside. The owner says he doesn't like loitering. Josh claims they'll just be a few minutes.
Josh walks out onto the porch and asks Donna to call and make sure the plane's going to be there when they get there. She says it will. He wants her to call. She's been calling but she can't get anyone because they're in a bad area for cell phones. He tells her to keep trying. Toby's sitting on the edge of the porch. Josh reaches down and picks up a rock, and throws it into an empty metal oil barrel. It makes a loud clang. Seems like a good way to annoy the owner. Josh asks whether Toby saw that. Toby says nothing, but picks up a rock and does the same thing. Josh: "First guy to miss?" Toby finally speaks: "What's the bet?" Josh replies, "First guy to miss has to shave his beard." Hee! And, I really hope Toby wins, because I've seen him without facial hair, and...he should never shave that beard. Never, never, never. Toby proposes an alternative as he rolls up his sleeve: "For the rest of the day...the first guy to miss...any time he says his name, he's got to follow it with 'I work at the White House.'" Josh says, "All right, but I don't think you've met our current host." He throws a rock and lands it in the barrel, as does Toby. Josh is about to throw another when Toby mentions that Josh never said whether he thought it was a good event this morning. Josh says that he didn't see POTUS speak. Toby says he knows. Josh says he was talking to Cathy, which he was asked to do. Toby seems unaffected by this, and Josh says, "I was." Toby says that Josh read the remarks. Josh throws his rock and hits the target. Toby keeps probing: "What was your problem?" Josh is getting a little annoyed and says, "You know what, Toby? I don't want this to be a high blood pressure day for me, either." The guitar music starts up again. Toby throws and misses.
After the commercial, Donna, Toby, and Josh are bombing along in a Jeep-type vehicle (possibly an actual Jeep; what do I know or care about cars?) driven by a scruffy-haired teenager. Donna, in the front seat, remarks that it's great that Tyler is volunteering to work for a campaign when he's not even old enough to vote. Tyler says that they get school credit for it. Donna thinks that's great. He says that's not the only reason he did it. Donna asks whether he likes Bartlet. Tyler says he thinks he's okay, but that most of his friends are for Writchie. In the back seat, Toby and Josh don't speak, particularly not to each other. Tyler explains that his friends aren't that political, it's just that they're following their parents' ideas about whom to support. Josh opens his mouth to speak, and just leaves it open for a bit, until he comes out with, "'He pretends there are no energy alternatives 'cause he can't think of any.' That wasn't in the staff copy yesterday, How'd it make it into the speech today?' Josh repeats the quotation. Toby corrects him: "'They. They can't think of any.'" Josh says that when they were touring flood damage in Missouri last Thursday, POTUS said four times that "'emergency management's complex.'" Toby says it is complex. Josh wonders what that matters to people who just lost their house, and are beset by the complexity of trying to find a place for their kids to sleep? Toby snipes, "Thanks, 'cause I was having a tough time prioritizing that one." Josh recites, "Sustainable growth in Michigan, new economy in Ohio, information technology in Pennsylvania. That's what you talk about in September. That's what we mapped out a year ago. You and Bruno and the President are calling audibles." Toby responds, "That's 'cause we're coming to the line and we're seeing a hairdo from Florida in pass coverage and so that's where we want to put the ball...what's your concern?" Josh says he has any number of concerns, not the least of which is losing. Toby doesn't think they'll lose. Josh: "When did we decide to make this about being the smartest kid in the class? What meeting did I miss?"
Tyler announces that he has to pull over for a minute. He pulls over, and calls out to one of three girls pushing their bikes along the road: "Kiki!" He gets out and complains to her, "You don't return phone calls anymore!" She says, "I return some." He says, "Thanks a lot." She says that they have to get back to school. He wants to know about all the stuff he's sent to her house. She'd like that to stop, and says it's kind of creepy. As the DC Three watch in puzzlement, Tyler's had enough: "Yeah, you know what? Sue me, I guess, because I love you! Place me under arrest, Kiki! Let's everybody do that! Let's everybody get a, a, writ of injustice, lock me up, and throw the book!" Josh stands up in the Jeep and says, "Tyler?" He replies, "Just a second, Mr. Lyman." Tyler's voice sounds really familiar, but I don't recognize the actor. Kiki pleads, "You can't be Creepy Stalking Guy, okay? You're not that guy, Tyler." I dunno, I think he's got a pretty good shot at it. Kiki says Tyler's better than that. Donna mutters to her cohorts, "Not that much better." Josh says to her, "Would you get in there?"
Donna gets out of the Jeep as one of Kiki's friends advises Tyler to move on and "live in the now." Donna says she's sorry to interrupt this private moment between Kiki and Tyler and their two friends, and starts to explain their situation. The third friend says quickly, "We know who you are. We're not rednecks." Well, I don't think it would necessarily mark them as rednecks if they didn't recognize the Director of Communications, the Deputy Chief of Staff, and the Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff right off the bat. My God, when a significant percentage of Americans can't actually even name the President at any given time, I'm a little incredulous that Teenage Girl #3 knows who the DC Three are. It seems like just an excuse to point up the urban politico/rural Everyperson schism, in case you haven't been paying attention. Donna introduces herself anyway, as does Josh. Toby states his name. Josh shoots him a look and Toby adds, "I work at the White House." "Live In The Now" Girl (I think) comments, "Wow. Humongous whoop." Hee. Josh laughs and argues, "Come on, he's Communications Director! It's a decent-sized whoop." She asks, "How many unborn babies did you guys kill today?" Oh, for...I don't even know what to do with this comment, because I just have trouble imagining the conversation going this way this quickly. Josh sobers up and says, "Whoa...hey...danger, Will Robinson. Tyler, no fooling around. We have fifteen minutes to get to a plane that is three miles from here." He says it's taking off at one o'clock. Tyler repeats this. Kiki looks at her watch and inquires, "Are you guys stupid or something? It's 1:45 right now." Josh says it's 12:45. Kiki smirks, "No, not here, it's not." Donna: "Oh my God, she's right." Tyler explains that they crossed over from Unionville into Dearborn County, which doesn't observe Daylight Saving Time. (Only he says "Savings," as many people do.) Kiki says, "I think it's the other way around, genius." Tyler: "What did I ever do to you?" Pestered the hell out of her? Donna says the schedule says that all times are local: "This is why I couldn't get anyone on their cell." Josh is still struggling to assimilate the information. "We changed time zones?" Donna gives him a sheepish, silent response. Josh wigs out and starts screeching about changing time zones. Tyler says it's a common mistake. Josh screeches: "Not for the U.S. Government!" Toby bitches, "What kind of schmuck-ass system can this possibly..." "Schmuck-ass"? That's a new one on me. I'll have to remember that one. Josh goes screaming off down the road a little way, as Toby babbles his incomprehension, wondering whether people reset their watches when they commute.
Josh is screaming in the background, "I can't take working here!" He's under a small covered bridge so his voice echoes a bit. Donna, Tyler and the girls all just watch passively. Toby follows Josh to the bridge and they keep acting out like three-year-olds, screaming about "serving their country" and resetting watches. It's actually incredibly embarrassing. Donna explains, "Okay. This is a whole new thing now. My guys are going to have to walk this off a little bit before they can regroup." Donna tells Kiki and her friends to get their asses back to school. She turns to Tyler, saying that the two of them will come up with a plan to get them to a commercial airport. In the background, Josh is still ranting and raving, and Toby picks up a big stick and whacks a guard rail very hard. Tyler wonders how long Josh and Toby are going to be. Donna says, "A couple more minutes." Wow. Talk about a first-world problem, and a first-world overreaction.
C.J.'s perched on a table on the plane, thinking. About Simon. And about how it's too bad that despite being a highly trained Secret Service agent, he made such a rookie mistake that it cost him his life. And about how she could fall in love with such a dupe. And why she only ever gets interested in guys the writer's going to take away from her. And whether she'll die alone. Yeah, she's thinking all that. Charlie knocks, wondering what it was that C.J. wanted to talk to him about. She explains that Simon was a Big Brother to a kid named Anthony Marcus. Charlie apparently met him a couple of times. C.J. explains that she's been trying to spend a bit of time with Anthony, but that he's not wild about her. Well, he must be the only person in the universe who isn't. Brat. Charlie says that Anthony associates C.J. with Simon's death. Charlie says he did that for a while with some of the cops his mother worked with. For those of you who haven't been with us since Season One, Charlie's mother was a cop killed in the line of duty. C.J. says that Anthony was arrested for stealing his teacher's car. He drove it around for a few hours and left it in front of a strip club. She says that Anthony had a string of shoplifting incidents before he got involved with Simon, and that the ADA sees it as an escalating problem. Charlie gets that it's seen as graduating from a misdemeanour to a felony. C.J. says that the ADA is pushing juvenile detention, but she's willing to reconsider if a White House staffer is willing to play a role in Anthony's life. Charlie's hesitant, to say the least: "God, C.J. I just got Deanna off to school." C.J. knows. Charlie adds that with the campaign, the days are even longer, which he didn't think was possible. C.J. knows. It was a long shot. Charlie just doesn't think he's the right guy for the job. As Charlie apologizes, the reporter who asked her about the aprons and rolling pins sticks his head in to say that he's got an answer about it. C.J. says okay, the reporter disappears, and C.J. tells Charlie she shouldn't have asked him. Charlie says he's glad she did. As she starts to leave, Charlie asks, "Listen, you're not just going to ask the people who look like me, are you? Because a Big Brother's a Big Brother. It doesn't..." C.J. reassures Charlie that Sam's . I wish she had said something about asking Charlie because she believed he'd be a great role model.
The phone rings. We hear Sam's voicemail message: "I'm sleeping for a few hours right now so you can leave a message or if you really need me, you can shout into the machine and I'll wake up." That was your first mistake, Sam. We see him sleeping peacefully. It beeps, and we hear Josh scream, "Sam!" Sam wakes up suddenly, and whirls around violently, knocking his lamp to the floor. He's wearing a grey team t-shirt and black boxer shorts. Kinda seems like a tighty-whiteys guy to me, but whatever. Maybe some girlfriend set him straight. ["As it were." -- Wing Chun] As Sam struggles to grab the phone, which has also been knocked to the floor, he says, "It's all right...it's all right...hang on. No problem." He manages to grasp the receiver and says hello, apologizing. How like Sam to apologize to someone who's woken him out of a much-needed sleep. Well, at least Josh apologizes too, saying he know Sam's supposed to be sleeping. Sam say's it's no problem, and wonders what's going on. Josh explains that he, Toby, and Donna are stranded in Indiana. Sam figures that they missed the motorcade. Josh outlines the whole sorry tale, winding it up with "we were waylaid by some mean schoolgirls." When he puts it that way, it almost sounds like something he might have enjoyed. He adds, "Alpha girls, you know what I'm saying?" Donna admonishes Josh as he walks past her and he insists, "They were." Sam -- still trying to catch his breath, and sitting on the floor -- wonders what they're doing now. Josh says they're trying to get a ride to the Connersville Metro, which will take them to Indianapolis, where they're going to get a flight to either Dulles, BWI, or LaGuardia. I don't know from airports or geography, but I understand that LaGuardia isn't the most logical third choice. Maybe he's bringing the funny. ["Maybe because it's an American Airlines hub (I think), it'll be easier for them to get from there to wherever they're going ?" -- Wing Chun] Sam says that he can farm out a few memos for him if Josh gives Sam his call sheets. Josh needs Sam to do more than that: "I need you to staff the President. He's got one of those days." Sam: "I don't know what it is you do in there." Josh says he does: "Anything ceremonial, security-related, or personal, you leave the room. As it gets later in the day, he's going to start to talk to you. You're gonna tell him how the meeting he just had with his council of economic advisors relates to the meeting he had with the Agriculture Secretary, relates to his Intelligence briefing, relates to the environment, relates to jobs, relates to education, relates to the campaign. You're his...wide-angle lens." Sam says softly that there are going to be any number of areas in which he can't give POTUS expert advice. Josh: "Welcome to the club, partner. We got jackets." Sam's doubtful, but says he's not going to let Josh down. Josh: "You never do." They hang up. Sam, head bowed in weariness, orders himself: "Get dressed...now."
Josh says to his cohorts -- who've all been standing around the Jeep waiting -- "Let's get to the train station." Tyler chooses this moment to ask Toby, "You ever love so much it hurts? Like, physically hurts?" Toby considers this briefly and replies, "Get in the car."
Back on Air Force One, Jed's conducting, with a second candidate, much the same interview he'd already conducted with the first assistant candidate. He mentions the need to be good with names, numbers, and dates, because he's not. This one -- with a similarly frosty demeanor -- thinks it's unusual for a man of Jed's intellect not to be good with names and numbers: "Especially an economist of your stature." Wow. Some people really don't know what to say in interviews, do they? Jed says it's not a matter of intellect, but of memory, and that they're two different gifts. Which is true. He says he's just never had the gift of memory. I think Sorkin plucked this trait right from Martin Sheen himself, whose poor memory for names is well-known. He called Allison Janney "the tall lady" until her tactic of calling him "Pumpkinhead" in response forced him to learn her name. Or so I've read. It's a cute story, so we'll go with it. I wonder if he can remember which of his children are named "Sheen" and which are named "Estevez." Tactless Candidate #2 says that there are exercises one can do to improve memory. Jed says he'll try to find time for that, and gets back to interviewing her. He wants to know what the most challenging part of working for the Ambassador of France. Her reply: "The pliable relationship the French have with time." Oh, suddenly we're all Ms. Tact and Diplomacy. Too late. Jed: "Mmm." Ms. T&D: "Yes, sir." Jed: "I make fun of the French as much as anybody and I don't even know what that meant." Come on. Sure you did. She starts to explain, but he stands, says he thinks she's terrific, and thanks her for coming in.
As Ms. T&D leaves, Charlie sticks his head in to ask if Jed can see Bruno. He can. Bruno comes in and asks if he wants some good news. Jed says he would love some, given that the market's down 425 points. Bruno thinks it's going to rally, but even if it doesn't... They start pedeconferencing, and I can't quite make out the end of Bruno's comment. Jed says that 425 points represents billions of dollars that are no longer there heading into the last quarter, which is Christmas. Bruno thinks it's going to rally. His good news is that they've held or made slight gains in almost all the polls. He reads: "ABC/Washington Post: Bartlet 50, Writchie 44...I'm all right referring to you colloquially?" Jed nods. Bruno continues: "CBS/New York Times: Bartlet 50, Writchie 43. NBC/Wall Street Journal: Bartlet 49, Writchie 43." Jed says, "You said 'almost all.'" Bruno says that the CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll showed results of Bartlet 46, Writchie 45. Jed wants to know why Gallup has it as a one-point race. He figures it out: it's because they're polling likely voters and not registered voters. "That's why they're getting the same numbers we do." Bruno tells Jed to wait until the debates. The election's in six weeks. He points out: "The world was created in a lot less time." Jed: "One day I'll buy you a beer and you'll tell us all how you did it." Snerk. POTUS goes back into his office.
Bruno enters the Roosevelt Room, where C.J.'s waiting to pounce: "What the hell does that mean, 'I love it when the women get involved'?" Bruno asks the staffer in front of him, "She's talking to me, right?" Is that Larry with a much shorter haircut? No, my eyes are playing tricks. Bruno says that he's not talking about Abby and Janet: "I'm talking about the women, the voters, continuing their unbroken streak. The biggest nonsense issue in the campaign issue will belong to the women." Oh, what a crock. Women have no monopoly on nonsense issues at campaign time or any other. Bruno continues: "'Does Abby Bartlet love her children?' week: 'Grandpa: Friend or foe?'" Sod off, schmuck. C.J. says, "This is not a woman's issue. This is a dumb woman's issue." Um, okay. Probably some of them vote too, though. Bruno says, "I think anybody who's got a five-point majority and still doesn't control the agenda might be spending a little too much time reading about how to get a man over his fear of commitment." Yeah, that's why women voters don't control the agenda. C.J.: "Remind me to mention that to the population of South Africa." Bruno: "You know what? In the scheme of things, took 'em about five minutes." "Five minutes"? Uh, okay. C.J. asks if they can start.Bruno says yes. C.J. mutters, "Several of the men I've dated haven't yet gotten over their fear of frogs." Bruno: "Okay." I suppose it's just me, but I'm finding this whole exchange somewhat inane. A staffer asks whether anybody's seen tape of this rolling-pin incident yet. C.J. hasn't. Someone -- probably Carol -- says that they're getting it. Bruno says that she was asked about her license and said that, right now, she's just a wife and mother. The staffer suggests that their first option is to make a joke out of it. Bruno wonders sarcastically what they would have to do to it to make a joke out of it. C.J. says that the rolling pins took care of that. Bruno: "It is prêt-à-porter." C.J. tells Carol to remind her to get Josh in on this.
Back in Hicksville, Tyler's whizzing the DC Three to a train station, but first they stop to eat. As they get out of the car, we can see that none of them seem to have been wearing their seatbelts, thereby setting a bad example for twenty-some-odd million viewers. Tsk tsk. Josh sighs, "It's Monday." Donna: "Yeah. Why?" As they trudge into a diner, Josh says it's nothing, just something he said. He tells everybody, "Ten minutes. We get the stuff to go." Donna buys a paper on their way in. Inside, Toby asks Tyler what a Hoosier is. Tyler tells him that it's someone from Indiana. That seems like something the smartest kid in the class would know. And I don't think Toby was checking to see if Tyler knew, so I don't know what that was about. Maybe he wanted to know why Indianans are called Hoosiers. I can't begin to imagine what would make him think Tyler would know, though.
Toby sits down at the counter and asks what's good. The woman at the counter isn't in the greatest mood and seems like she's got no time for chit-chat. She just says, "Everything." Toby: "What's your specialty?" Waiter: "Taking someone's order and giving it to 'em." Okay! She says, "I saw you drive up. You people gonna cause trouble." Toby: "I swear, not on purpose." She says -- gesturing to Tyler, who's sitting at a table with Josh and Donna -- "Every time he comes around here, there's trouble. I don't want leaflets in my place! You handin' out leaflets?" Toby says no, they just want food. She asks again what he needs. Toby can't resist one more try: "You wouldn't say there was some sort of local delicacy...?" She's had enough: "I'm getting mah husband." She takes off. Toby puts down the menu, and asks the guy a couple of stools over -- who's watching the TV -- whether he would mind if Toby changed the channel to CNN for a minute. He explains that he wants to check in with what's going on. The local -- who's got slight Norman Fell-ish features -- says that Earl and Fiona don't get cable TV. He says that three channels are enough. He adds that the picture's fuzzy today, and that he thinks they're going to get "weather." He turns back to the TV as Toby sticks some gum in his mouth. Earl comes out and says to Toby, "What the hell, boy?" Toby says that he was just asking what's good. Earl: "Yeah?" Toby says that they'll take four cheeseburgers. Okay, now we know for sure Toby doesn't keep kosher. Earl warms a little and says, "The dry rub is good." Toby: "Dry rub?" Earl explains that you dry rub the beef with spices for a day or two. Someone commented in the forums that you only do this with pork, but I can't see why it can't be done with beef. Earl adds: "Sauce is a myth." Toby's willing to go along. He glances at Fiona, who's glaring at him. He says, "See, Fiona, this is what I was talking about." She says, "Oh, shut up!" and walks off. Nice customer-service approach. Toby says that they'll take it to go. Earl says, "She's been in a bad mood now for...well, about forty-five years now, I guess." Aw. Poor long-suffering guys and all these pesky, bitchy women.
Over at the table, Donna tells Josh that when he said it's Monday, she flashed on the song. Meaning, The Boomtown Rats' "I Don't Like Mondays." There's a song I heard about seven thousand times too many back in the day. She says she learned a few days ago that the song is based on the story of a girl who shot up her school one morning and, when asked why, explained, "I don't like Mondays." Josh knew that. Donna seems surprised. Josh is brusque, and Donna apologizes again about the time zones.
As Toby ambles over to the table, Josh asks, "Why is it we cite Writchie's advisors by name? The 'Milton Friedman economic plan,' the 'Leonard Tynan education plan'?" Toby says he gives credit where credit is due. Josh says it's their way of calling Writchie a puppet. Toby says that Writchie cites his advisors more than the Bartlet camp does: "Which is his way of saying 'I want to be President' the same way you want a cold beer." Josh argues that it's Writchie's way of saying, "I think it's great that Bartlet's a Nobel Prize winner. When I'm elected, I'm gonna hire me some of those." Tyler listens in silence. Toby: "No, no. Should be what's he's saying. What he's saying is, 'Eastern education isn't for real men, but don't worry, I'll have Jews for the money stuff.'" Josh doesn't know what to say to that.
Toby asks Donna to call C.J. for him. Josh continues, "And that line from the convention speech -- 'challenges too great for a Potemkin Presidency'?" Toby, eyes on his paper: "It. Is. True." Josh says that most people weren't the smartest kid in the class, and adds, "Most people didn't like the smartest kid in the class." And that's true, too. People are not liked for smartness. They're liked in spite of it, if indeed they manage to be liked at all. Toby, looking Josh right in the eye: "Yeah?" And there it is out on the table. Toby was, Bartlet was, Josh wasn't, and it's come to represent the schism in the campaign strategy. This is actually much more interesting to me than will he run/won't he, or even should he/shouldn't he? Why and how they win could be rich material. Josh insists, "I don't care how subliminal it is. This can't be a national therapy session."
Donna's got C.J. on the phone and hands it to Toby. He takes it without looking at it; he just keeps staring at Josh. C.J. says, "Hey, before I forget, if you see Josh, could you ask him to stop by my office?" Toby says nothing, but sets the phone down on top of the napkin holder. You can hear C.J. saying, "Toby?" Josh says, "What?" Toby glances at the phone and says with a shadow of a smirk that C.J. would like Josh to stop by her office. Josh picks up the phone and asks whether she happened to notice that they weren't on the plane. It's all news to her. Josh explains their sad tale. C.J.: "Bummer." Fiona hollers, "Drah rahb's up!" I could barely make out what she said at first, so I don't know how C.J. did it on the other end of the phone, but she says, "I love dry rub! They take the meat and...." Josh hangs up on her.
Sam's waiting in the Oval Office when Jed comes in, loaded for bear, complaining that Seth Weinberger's assistant has come forward with the information that Weinberger was having an affair with a colleague, and a newspaper has printed it. None of which seems particularly surprising. Sam asks what the assistant's thing is. Jed: "You tell me! He'd already stepped down over the OSHA thing. It's been two months. This is an assistant getting her name in the paper. It's unbelievably hurtful to his wife! I don't understand it! I don't understand the paper printing it, either, but that's another day. This is terrible!" Charlie brings in Secretary Mitch Bryce and his people for the 3:30 appointment. Sam asks whether there's a place POTUS would like Sam to stand or sit. Jed: "Just rock 'n' roll, Sam. Sam ponders that as a bunch of people file in and sit down. Larry advises Sam on where Josh usually stands.
Bryce -- who is played by some guy who seems familiar; I feel like I've seen him on 24 or something, maybe Law and Order -- starts out by saying that he thinks Jed could seek Commerce's input on...he doesn't finish his sentence, and says he's not going to tell Bartlet what to seek input on. Sam interjects, "Actually, Mr. Secretary, if you're talking about the stump speech, and energy in particular, that's not the President's fault, that's mine. I was just looking at my notes...." Jed interrupts and says, "We have your input. You're talking about the exemption." Bryce declares: "It is sheer lunacy to suggest America takes [sic] unilateral steps while exempting 80% of the world's nations from the same the obligations." Jed: "Developing nations. And I think what's lunacy is a nation of SUVs telling a nation of bicycles that they have to change the way they live before we'll agree to do something about greenhouse emissions." Word. Bryce replies, "Among our economic competitors there's the principle of fairness." Jed raises his voice: "Well, in international law, there's a principle called differentiated responsibility. We're the ones making the greenhouse gas!" Oh, my. Wordy McWord. Someone seems to applaud, and Ed looks at his watch and says, "Forty-seven seconds." He beams. Someone asks who had forty-seven seconds. You know, I can believe they have a pool for stuff like this, but I'm not sure I buy that they discuss it openly in the meeting. Bryce tries a different tack: "You're losing the support of the business community. Jed tells him that it's not Bryce's job to tell Jed whose support he's losing; he gestures to Sam and says that they have people who do that. Jed says it's Bryce's job to tell Jed whose support he just got for him. Bryce accepts his marching orders and marches.
As the meeting breaks up, Jed says to Larry, "Ed..." Larry says that he's Larry. Jed: "Whatever." He mentions the Weinberger thing. Larry saw it. Jed says, "I don't think a lot of blind loyalty, but I think a lot less of blind betrayal." Larry confides: "That's why I haven't gotten married yet, sir." Jed: "Yeah, that's probably why." Snerk. Charlie announces Congressman Lien. Jed asks someone to get Leo for him.
As Peter Lien comes in with his assistant, Jed asks whether Lien heard Charlie call him "Congressman." Lien did. They shake hands. Jed asks, "You think when your folks got you out in '74, they imagined they were taking you to a place that was willing to make you a Congressman?" Lien replies, "As a matter of fact, sir, I think that's exactly what they imagined." You know, I like Jed, but this exchange feels icky and patronizing. Jed: "Me too. How's fishing?" Lien says it's been a good season. Jed asks whether he's caught any marlin. Lien explains that marlin is a game fish, and that not many people eat them. Jed: "It takes a fisherman to catch one, though, right?" Lien agrees. Jed says he's just saying.
Leo comes in and Jed introduces them: "Leo, meet Congressman Peter Lien, Texas 22nd. Peter, this is Leo McGarry, U.S. Air Force, 144th Fighter Wing." They shake hands. Jed tells Leo, "Peter's family fishes in Galveston Bay, but they don't catch marlin. It's a sore spot and he doesn't like to talk about it. Peter's thirty-four years old." Leo apologizes for the fact that it's been two months and they haven't been able to get him up there before now. Lien understands and says it's a busy time; if he can give them any help in Texas... Jed says, "Ordinarily I would tell you that Jim Coor was a good public servant, and you've got big shoes to fill, and he was, and you do, but obviously you have a bigger symbolic responsibility than that." Lien: "Yes, sir." Jed continues: "But your biggest responsibility isn't symbolic, right?" He knows. Jed asks what it is. Lien replies, "It's my district, my country, and the Congress of the United States." Jed decides to drag Emerson, Lake and Palmer into it and says, "Welcome, my friend, to the show that never ends." They shake hands and pose for pictures. Lien leaves. Jed says to Leo, "Isn't that a hell of a thing? What's ?" Sam, Leo, Larry and staffers all close around the President. Someone throws Brain Salad Surgery on the CD player.