In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Keith is running unopposed in the special election following Lamb's death. Ex-Deputy Leo (yay!) shows up, telling Keith that Danny Boyd, of the Fitzpatrick clan, has been around his job site, and he suspects that something is up. Piz wins the opportunity to shepherd a washed-up douchebag of a rocker, played by PAUL RUDD! He's in town to play for a fundraiser for the college radio station, but the show is threatened when his backup tapes disappear from his bag at the Neptune Grand. Piz tries to bring the good out of PAUL RUDD! with his overwhelming earnestness, but all he gets for his trouble is PAUL RUDD! going skinny-dipping drunk and getting arrested by Sacks. Veronica is being all dodgy toward Piz in the wake of their kiss, while Mac is also confused by the fact that Max keeps calling her. Veronica sucks it up and tells Piz she just wants to be friends, but then she runs into Logan, who has the wrong idea about her and Piz, not that it's much of his business, as Mac thankfully tells him. Speaking of which, Logan has to present a business plan for a class, so he comes up with an idea for a website called "Grade My Ass," and gets Mac to design it. Max gets involved, and Logan doesn't fail to notice their chemistry. Meanwhile, Veronica has been helping Piz with the mystery, and she discovers that PAUL RUDD!'s bag was switched with someone else's at the airport. Piz and Veronica travel to LA to get the bag back, and they use the drive back to break the tension between them. Piz also hatches a plan to show PAUL RUDD! that he isn't as washed-up as he seems to be, causing Veronica to see Piz in a new light. Keith and Leo team up to catch the bad guys, only to discover that Vinnie Van Lowe has beaten them to the punch. In the end, Mac dumps Bronson rather capriciously, Keith makes Leo an ex-ex-Deputy, and Vinnie decides to run for Sheriff. Even Lamb's spinning in his grave at that one. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Many, many thanks to Joe R for hilariously subbing in for me on last week's dreadful episode, while I got to steal Jon Bon Jovi away from him. Sometimes life just isn't fair, but that's when we have to remember that America is the land of opportunity. Or something.
Chez Mars. Wallace and Veronica are watching The Women (and I just spent five minutes researching that based on the three seconds of footage we saw to tentatively come up with that answer, only to have Wallace say the name of the movie twenty seconds later, which means this recap is off to a rollicking start) for Wallace's Film Studies class, and Veronica "casually" asks Wallace if Piz has said anything to him. Wallace: "Like how you two made out in the hall and then you took off?" His gleeful tone demonstrates that while being in the middle when your friends date can be awkward, it does generally afford you the best chances to give them shit. Veronica asks after Piz's mood, and Wallace, with respect to the passing-notes-in-class feel of the conversation, asks if he's a twelve-year-old girl. Veronica: "No. But you're drinking Fresca and watching Joan Crawford movies." Heh. Wallace thinks Piz's mood has been normal, and then Keith puts an end to the girl talk by arriving home with a weirdly hangdog look. He brightens up as he reports that the deadline to register for the special election is Monday (whenever that is), so he expects to be running unopposed. Why, oh why, do characters on TV jinx themselves like that? No one I know would let that sentence pass his lips without at least knocking on the nearest wood. Or his forehead, at least in my case.
At the campus radio station, Piz's boss is conducting a trivia-off between Piz and some idiot named Arnold. There are posters advertising a "Desmond Fellows" show all over the place, and the questions she's asking have to do with Fellows, his former bandmate "Johnny Scopes," and their band, "My Pretty Pony." They go back and forth with a super-dorky level of knowledge of the band until Piz steals a question from Arnold, and his boss tells him that the job is his. He gives Arnold a no-look "slap my hand, bitch" palm before his boss tells him there's a lot riding on whatever his job is, and not to blow it. Honey, given what's coming, I don't think Piz is the wild card in this situation.
In the cafeteria, Piz runs into Veronica and happily tells her that he won the opportunity to be Desmond's guide while he's there. Veronica sincerely tells him that she loved the band, and asks why he's coming there. Piz tells her that one of their "idiot DJs" swore on the air, and to pay the mammoth FCC fine, they got Desmond to come play a fundraiser to save the station. It seems unlikely that Desmond would come play for free, but given what he turns out to be like, I could see him donating his time in defense of cursing. In fact, I'd make a donation myself -- you have to take steps these days to preserve your way of life. Veronica exposits that Johnny Scopes is dead, but Piz tells her that Desmond has all Johnny's backing tapes, and with the aid of those, he plays all the My Pretty Pony songs. I'd think singing with a dead man would be pretty creepy, but I'd guess we'd better get used to the idea, now that American Idolhas taken things to a creepy, creepy new level. Piz says that Desmond is his hero, and that he can get tickets if Veronica's interested. In squeaking "Maybe!" Veronica's voice goes up to a note that would hurt dogs' ears, so it's just as well that Backup seems to have been permanently put out to pasture. Piz subtly takes that in, and as Veronica makes her excuses and rushes away, he stares after her, his face a mask of confusion and maybe the slightest bit of anger. Nice, nice work from Chris Lowell there.
Some fairly cute guy is wrapping up a presentation to the class about a shoe storage system. Logan looks bored, as if he's not the type to give Imelda Marcos and Carrie Bradshaw a run for their money. The teacher calls on Logan , but Logan begs off giving his presentation until Monday. Good idea, Logan -- you'll still have time to announce your candidacy for the sheriff position. It may seem like a long shot, but I'll bet there are a lot of people out there who would vote for you based solely on their fantasies of scenarios involving you in the uniform. And let's not even get into the attendant accessories.
Piz, holding a generic version of a Big Gulp, is leading Desmond into his room at the Neptune Grand. Desmond, as I mentioned in the recaplet, is played by PAUL RUDD! I'm going to try to stop shouting his name, but it's going to be tough. I've seen Clueless about a hundred and fifty billion times, loved his scumbag turn in Wet Hot American Summer (speaking of which, I wonder if he and Ken Marino got to say hello during the filming of this episode), and I even adored him on Friends (his delivery of the line "If you have trouble remembering it, just think of a bag full of crap" is one of my favorite sitcom moments ever), so the perhaps unfortunate result is that he's become my own personal Steve Holt. Maybe I can solve the problem by referring to PAUL RUDD! as something else. How about Desmond? That seems oddly fitting. Piz tells Desmond how big a fan he is, and Desmond offhandedly says that's cool. Probably best that you didn't go into the details of how you got the job there, Piz. Desmond asks if that's his drink, and Piz hands it to him as he says it's tonic and ice. Hey, if the ice melts and you need more, could you let Dick out?
Cut to Desmond emptying four or five airplane bottles of liquor into the drink container simultaneously. Hee. Jeff Ratner, who ostensibly took up the luggage, and Piz exchange "this is a little uncomfortable" side-eyes, and then Desmond asks what Ratner is still doing there. Ratner, unbowed as ever, says that he's waiting for the tip. "It's a customary thing. In America." I wonder if that's a nod to the fact that this character was originally supposed to be British. But believe me, if PAUL RUDD! (sorry, couldn't help it) couldn't do a good British accent, I'm glad they dropped the idea. I mean, you'd think he'd be hot enough to get away with it, but if Ben Browder failed that test, even PAUL RUDD! would be in trouble. Desmond pulls out a folded-up napkin, signs it, and hands it to Ratner: "That'll get you twenty bones on eBay." Hee. Ratner's confused, gets no less so when Desmond identifies himself, and leaves. Desmond then tells "Fez" that he's going to take a nap, and that would be a funny bit if Wilmer Valderrama hadn't ruined it for the rest of us. He opens the door to the bedroom, where he finds a woman dressed only in a leopard-print bra and panties on the bed. Desmond's intrigued, but when he enters and the woman says he told her to surprise him, it's clear that there's been a misunderstanding. The woman looks like she's pushing forty, and we learn that they've been trading IMs, but it becomes readily apparent that she's not what Desmond was expecting, so she mortifiedly starts getting dressed as Desmond drops off his bag and his drink, reemerges from the room, and closes the door with a half-horrified look on his face. Hee.
Sometime later, the woman, now fully dressed, stalks out of the room. Desmond languidly tells her to come see the show (and he actually says "Do come see the show," which is another slight indication that the British thing was dropped at the last minute), and to Piz, she bites out, "Advice? Never meet your idol." I think he might be seeing the wisdom in that around now. When she's gone, Desmond tells Piz, "More advice? Always confirm the accuracy of photos." Given how this episode's going to go, he should really be dispensing that bit of wisdom to Logan. Desmond asks about the availability of local beaches, and then suggests they go to Mexico. Piz, with a smile, tells him that's not in the cards, but Desmond asks why not, as the gig is off. He shows Piz his knapsack, which he says had the backing tapes in them, but now only holds a blue bathrobe, which he reveals by pulling it out. Piz wishes Arnold had known just a little bit more about My Pretty Pony as we head into the opening credits.
Mac and Veronica are in front of the cafeteria counter, and Mac is severely waffling between two lunch options. It may seem somewhat anvilicious, but in her defense, it's probably not that often she's offered more than one vegetarian option at a time. Veronica orders two vegetable lasagnas for them and tells Mac that she's demonstrating symbolism -- as she puts it, "The Bronson parmigiana is good for me, but ooh! The Max-iccini looks awfully tempting!" Hee. Mac says it's not her fault that Max won't stop calling her, and besides, Veronica's just as bad with Logan and Piz. She starts to explain that Logan is the fettuccini, when Veronica's phone rings. "It's the eggplant." PAUL RUDD! is of course awesome in this episode, but it's just possible that that's the line of the night.
Veronica answers, and she decides to suck things up, saying she thinks they should file the party away for now and just be friends. Piz, forgivably for more than one reason, is not particularly impressed, and says that he's aware of that, but he's calling for help with a "case thing." Well, you're already clear on how Veronica's foot ended up lodged in her trachea, so what else have you got?
In the Neptune Grand lobby, Veronica is waiting for the elevator, and when it opens, she and Logan push past each other before stopping in mutual recognition. They share a reasonably comfortable hello, but Veronica has nothing beyond that to say, so she pushes the button. Logan, however, hops on with her just ahead of the doors closing. The vibe goes from zero to awkward rather quickly, and Logan gets to his point, which is to ask Veronica if there was anything going on between her and Piz when she stayed in his and Wallace's room. He certainly has neither the call nor the right to ask this, nor should he even care at this point, but Veronica takes pity on him and tells him no; it was just a place to stay. However, just at that moment, the doors open, and a nervous Piz is like, "Oh, thank God." Throw in Don Knotts and you've got the makings of a Three's Company episode right here. Veronica gets off the elevator, because what else are you going to do, and Logan wishes her good luck, in as sincere a tone as he can muster. When she and Piz turn away, though, he gets a boo-boo-kitty look on his face, and I know Parker's not in this episode, dude, but could you try to remember that she exists? Am I going to have to call Little Girl God and get her to kick your ass again?
Piz is giving the quick-and-dirty version of the case to Veronica as they enter the room, and Desmond complains to "Pus" (okay, hee) about how there's only one bottle of booze left and it's a type he won't touch, but he abruptly and smoothly shifts gears with a "Hey, is that your girlfriend?" when he looks up and sees Veronica. Heh. Veronica chooses to ignore the distinct Eau de Dick Casablancas coming off of Desmond as she tells him she's a big fan. Desmond opines that she's just using Piz to get to him: "Mercenary. Like it." He starts to invite her to "hang out" backstage after the show, but Piz cuts in that she's going to help them find the tapes. His interruption was probably fueled by equal parts concern for Veronica and fear of the concert venue taking their security deposit. Desmond has them sit down to look at his computer, and it's a subtle but hilarious touch that he starts swigging the booze that he vowed not a minute ago not to drink. Hee. He shows them a picture of a blonde woman, saying he got confused because she and Leopard Print have similar online handles, and tells them he doesn't have any pictures of the woman that was in his room. Well, you could try sending her an apology, but I'm not sure I trust your ability to type at the moment. Then, awesomely: "Anyone ever tell you you look like a feisty young Barbara Eden?" Don't get Demian started. Veronica's bemused look is topped by her declaration that she's "eleven" when Desmond asks how old she is. She pulls up the records of Desmond's IM conversations as Desmond says it's a shame Leopard Print is so old, because she seemed cool. That reminds me that PAUL RUDD! and I worked out at the same gym for a few months when he was in New York doing a play, which was only A DECADE AGO or so. Sigh. Veronica notices that the woman signed off with a Chinese character, and Piz pipes up that he knows a couple guys who are taking Chinese, so he can ask them for a translation. Veronica learns that there was medication in the bag as well, and asks what Desmond was taking it for. Desmond shrugs and lets his defenses down as he answers, "Life." Nice finesse by PAUL RUDD! there on that pitfall of a line. Veronica looks somewhat intrigued.
Logan feys his way over to the couch (seriously, I thought he was going to up and float away for a second), flops down, and complains to Dick about the business plan he has to come up with. Dick, however, is too busy uploading a file to some site called "GhostRideTheVideo.com" to care, and he shows Logan a vid of him titled "Hyphy Goes Cracker" (hee) starting with a yellow sporty car rolling slowly, then Dick getting out of it and getting his dance on in a way that calls to mind a pretty bad word that rhymes with a really bad word. He then somehow manages to get his foot run over, and Logan looks down to see that two of Dick's toes are badly bruised and taped together. He asks if Dick really ran over his own foot. Dick: "Yeah! Which is why I think I have a real shot at the top of the charts." Hee, again. Still, Dick, there are some fucked-up things out there on the internet, and I think you would have had to run over your little namesake to have a real chance. Logan gets An Idea as he looks at the stat showing the number of people who have visited the site.
Mac and Bronson return to Mac's room as Bronson tells her, "You did good for your first time. time it'll be easier." Oh, Bronson, all guys say that. All guys, and Summer Roberts. Well, she was more of a man than most guys, anyway. But they're actually talking about Ultimate Frisbee, and Mac says she's going to kill the inventor of the game. A reader helpfully e-mailed me to say that that's a shout-out to Joel Silver, the famous executive producer of this show, as he's credited with co-inventing the game. I just got a leg up if I ever have to participate in a Veronica-themed trivia-off. I still wouldn't take myself against the forum field, though. The phone rings, and Mac answers and tells Logan that Parker's not there, but then is like, "Me?"
Cut to Mac saying, "Grade...my ass?" You'll have to turn around. No, it's Logan's idea for a "lowest common denominator" website with a "simple interactive element." I think I may have registered for...er, "seen" one or two of those in my day. He says it's an easy job for her, and he'll pay, but it's due Monday morning. I sure hope we get to meet this "Monday" we've been hearing so much about! Mac says she'll need Red Bull and licorice, and Logan accepts her terms.
Piz is hosting a radio call-in show with an ever-drunk Desmond as his guest. Piz plugs "Wrigley's Extra Gum," and I may be half in the bag myself, but I think that's clever, wrapping the product placement up in fictional product placement. A caller gushes about how great Desmond is, but our Desmond (that would have been a better name had he actually been English) realizes with the aid of the big window that she's calling from the cafeteria, and asks her to show him "those big old..." at which point Piz, with both hands and a foot understandably on the switch, cuts Desmond off before he has to organize another benefit. That doesn't stop Desmond from visually suggesting that the girl do a Mardi Gras-style top lift. Dude, you've at least got to promise her some beads or something. The caller accuses Desmond of "scroung[ing] money off the memory of [his] dead partner." I've never heard of such a thing, and I'm sure the members of INXS and TLC haven't either. The call is from someone representing a group called "Semites For The Savior," and if that's a slam on Jews For Jesus, I can't say I disapprove. Desmond ironically notes that the Jewish group's initials are "S.S." (prompting an "Oh, God" from Piz, which was probably echoed by those who don't believe in Our Lord and those who do alike) and then admits that the show is going to be canceled. He takes another call, which gives him the location of a party that night, and I'm not clear how campus security isn't going to bust that one before they tap their first keg. I mean, I've heard of hiding in plain sight, but that's ridiculous.
Cut to Piz and Desmond coming out of the booth, and Piz having to tell his boss about the missing backing tapes. She's not pleased, but Desmond tells "Plax" to come on, as he's missing Night Court. Hee.
Keith comes out of his office to see that ex-Deputy Leo (WOO!) is waiting to talk to him. They shake hands...
...and then we cut to them back in Keith's office, as Leo tells Keith that he's been working security at "Sport House," and lately, he's noticed that one of the stock guys has been acting shifty -- using the pay phone across the street, taking photos of the premises, actually doing a full day's work for a full day's pay, that sort of thing. Leo goes on that he then noticed a new name on the cleaning crew roster -- Danny Boyd. When Leo relayed his concerns to his supervisor, he got switched to a new shift. Keith is intrigued, and says he knows a judge who will order a tap on Boyd's phone. I'm guessing he won't be hearing the most scintillating discourse, but that's hardly my problem, is it?
Veronica and Piz are walking together on campus as she wonders how Desmond, seemingly such a shallow douchebag, wrote all those great songs. Geez, Veronica, you're like a walking Wikipedia with the pop-culture knowledge, and you've never heard of Oasis? Piz says Desmond wrote all the good songs, and he must just be tired. They enter a classroom to find two dorks, who say they have class in five minutes. Veronica shows them the Chinese character, and they have a nerdy discussion about what the symbol means, while in the background, the female teacher walks in. They finally work out that the character means "grace," causing the teacher to turn around -- revealing herself to be the woman who was in Desmond's bed. Does anyone know the Chinese character for "busted"?
Back from the break, Grace is explaining that she was a huge fan of the band, and she wasn't always a "boring associate professor of Chinese. I was once...rather wild." Piz points out that perhaps she still is, as she climbed down from the room above on a sheet. Given how embarrassing the situation turned out for her, I'm surprised she didn't make her exit in the same way. Veronica says they're not "the 'wild patrol'" (hee) but they need Desmond's stuff back. When Grace denies having taken the contents of his bag, however, Veronica shifts into fake-desperation mode, saying that retrieving the medication in the bag is a life-or-death situation for Desmond. Grace gets into a state of restrained panic, as she says she'll cancel her class and call her doctor. "What's he missing?" Not much, given that he's PAUL RUDD!
Outside, Veronica says she believes Grace, and then, on the bulletin board, she and Piz spy a flyer advertising an emergency meeting of Semites For The Savior to "STOP DESMOND FELLOWS." Don't post in all-caps, please. Piz and Veronica exchange a "Let's crash a Jewish rally" look. Odd choice for a date, but I'm guessing Piz will take it.
We pan across several cans of what's presumably Red Bull and a jar of licorice, and then we see Logan and Mac discussing ideas as Dick sits blankly. And I know the show addressed the fact of Logan and Mac being friends now, but given that the last time I remember Dick and Mac together was the time he said she was his brother's beard, I'd think they might be holding this little brainstorming session elsewhere. It's not like this set isn't getting enough of a workout this episode as it is. Dick suggests not putting the best asses at the top of the page. "Let people hunt for 'em." Well, it is likely enough that they will in fact do that. Mac asks Logan what Dick's role is in the project, and Dick says that he's a consultant, and an ass expert. Logan: "Yes. Except for the 'expert' part." Hee. Dick goes off on a long, convoluted, and nonsensical analogy about lions and gerbils, and he's of course hilarious as always to listen to, but the blank stares he receives from Logan and Mac are enough to spur him to go seek out a party.
In the "other room" of the Grand, Desmond is halfheartedly plinking away at an electronic keyboard as a news show plays in the background. Piz returns with the bad news that the "groupie" didn't take the tapes. He starts to say they have some other leads, but his attention is drawn to Desmond's playing. Desmond makes up some lyrics about finding the tapes, and just to get this out of the way, it's actually PAUL RUDD! singing, which is awesome. Piz, for his part, looks like he just became familiar with man-love. And he was one of the last holdouts on this show, too. Desmond says it's party time, but Piz wants to know more about what Desmond was playing. PAUL RUDD! does a nice bit of business where he subtly wants to talk about it, but just for a moment, and then he tries to put Piz off by asking whether he should dress "indie rock" or "rock rock," and when Piz abstains, he chooses the latter, saying that bad guys get the chicks. "I mean, look at you -- you're single and you're very nice, Pez [hee]. There's a correlation." Piz asks if Desmond still writes stuff, but Desmond tells him that he doesn't bother, because people only want to hear the old hits. The conversation continues in this vein for a while, with Piz shining earnestness all over the place and Desmond doing his best not to get any on himself, until Piz tells Desmond that the party's going to be lame, and they should just stay in and work on the song. Desmond turns to look at Piz, and that just so happens to be a mistake, as the CW has perpetrated an unadvertised crossover with Supernatural this week that's resulted in Piz having temporary custody of Darling Sammy's Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes (tm Demian) Of Unbridled Earnestness. Anything for synergy, I guess. Desmond tries to resist by saying that his stuff is locked up in the club, but Piz, aided by the Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes Of Unbridled Earnestness On Loan From Darling Sammy tells him he has a guitar in his room. Desmond is forced to submit, and Piz says he'll be back in fifteen minutes. Unfortunately, when he's gone, the newscaster does a segment on My Pretty Pony (saying they've been in the "Where Are They Now" file, and if that's an homage to This Is Spinal Tap, that's awesome), and we see a clip of the "band" playing, supposedly from ten years ago or so, in which PAUL RUDD! is rocking out while wearing a preposterous Bo Bicean wig. Hilariously, Johnny Scopes is played by show creator Rob Thomas, who is wearing an even more preposterous wig. If PAUL RUDD!'S wig is roughly Bo Bice-on-AI, Rob Thomas's is Bo Bice living in the woods and existing solely on a diet of chipmunks and moonshine. Desmond looks nostalgic and upset...
...so it's no surprise that we cut to him chugging a beer at what's probably the party the radio caller mentioned earlier. Dick has found his way there, and is impressed with the laundry list of female stars Desmond has seemingly boned -- including Drew Barrymore, Rose McGowan, and Jennifer Love Hewitt, twice. Of course, if you consider the theory that when you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with everyone he or she has ever slept with, that list seems waaaay scary. I mean, just choosing between Tom Green and Marilyn Manson would bring "Death Is Not An Option" to a whole new level. Dick, however, is all kinds of impressed, but then asks, "Who are you?" Hee.
Piz returns to the room, guitar in hand, to find Desmond gone. The Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes Of Unbridled Earnestness On Loan From Darling Sammy look like they might cry.
In the sparsely-populated cafeteria, Wallace is asking Veronica how she's dealing with helping Piz. Two Wallace-Veronica scenes in the first three acts? This makes me nervous that Percy Daggs is on the list for a baseball bat to the cranium. Don't smell bread, Percy! Wallace then gives her shit about Piz's "puppy-dog eyes," and I swear I didn't remember that when I made my joke, but it makes my theory of a planned crossover a lot more credible. Veronica confesses that it's weird that Piz is acting so normal, which Wallace only-half-jokingly opines is about her ego, and when Veronica tries to get off the subject, he keeps giving her shit until she threatens to taser him, and he laughs. Not sure why.
Mac has finished, and tells Logan that the site is modular -- he can sub in "boobs, legs, kittens, whatever." Logan asks a question about income models, and Mac admits that's not her forte, but says she knows someone who can help. Logan asks if she can call this someone, and Mac, if you're so torn about calling him that you have to stare at Logan for five thousand years, maybe YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT HIM UP IN THE FIRST PLACE. But she calls, and gets through.
Piz shows up at the party, and Desmond, who's now fully holding court, excitedly makes a couple more incorrect stabs at his name before yelling, "Dude! You're in time!" Promo-style, he announces that they're going skinny-dipping, to appreciative hoots from the crowd. Which is understandable, again because of the PAUL RUDD! Nevertheless, the Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes Of Diminishing Earnestness On Loan From Darling Sammy close in frustration.
On the beach, Desmond unsteadily gives a speech about the key to skinny-dipping being spiritual nudity as well as physical. I think. If I got that wrong, you'll forgive me for being a little distracted here. Desmond disrobes and runs into the water, and some guy in front of Piz takes off his tank top and...oh, that's a woman. I got confused because it looks like she does lat pull-downs for a living. Anyway, Desmond yells that it's freezing, and then a spotlight shines on the scene, as Sacks has made an appearance. Aside from Piz, the crowd disperses as Desmond yells, "Oh my God, I don't recommend this!" Hee. I'm thinking even his spirit needs a roaring fire and a robe and slippers. He gets out and yells to Sacks that he should turn off the light. "It really kills the mood." Also killing the mood are the Super-Bitchy Puppy-Dog Eyes Of Dwindling Hero Worship On Loan From Darling Sammy, off of which we go to commercial.
We enter a scene at the sheriff's station and find Keith in medias overinvestus, a state of being with which I've become able to identify all too readily over the years. Keith is hotly badgering a jailed Desmond to admit that the Beatles are the greatest rock band of all time, and Desmond languidly won't even give him that the Beatles were a rock band at all. As Piz and Veronica arrive on the scene, Desmond gets up: "Hey, man, I didn't get all pissy when you denied my claim that Marshal Dillon was the greatest sheriff of all time." Hee. Keith barks that Marshal Dillon was a marshal, and also fictional (Gunsmoke, in case you're wondering). God, Keith. I've known trout that had a better idea of when they were being baited. Keith rattles off a list of what he considers to be great Beatles songs, including "Norwegian Wood." Desmond chuckles and says he used to know a rent boy from Oslo who called himself that. If he made that up on the fly, I'm impressed. If it's actually true, I'm back to being a little distracted. Piz finally takes mercy on Keith, saying that Desmond is "winding him up" (another British touch they left in), and that many critics have noted the Beatles's influence in Desmond's music. Keith looks accusingly at Desmond, who's all, "Oh, you mean those Beatles! I'm sorry, I thought you meant the other ones, with the two Es, from the Lower East Side." Hee. Keith asks Veronica to have Sacks bring him the leg irons, and gets a "Let it be" in response. I would have gone with "Love me do," because PAUL RUDD!, you know I love you.
Mac and Max are babbling away as Logan mentally frames the shots for another business venture, entitled When Geeks Attack. Max does score points, however, when he says that the point of the internet "is to make money off of stupid people." It may not be the only point, but it's up there, and Logan agrees. Max and Mac geek-flirt for a while until Logan says he needs his camera, as he's sure there are people out there who will pay for "this hot nerd-on-nerd" action. Aaaand there goes my joke again. Thanks, Echolls.
Veronica and Piz arrive at the meeting, and Veronica immediately demands of the not-a-little cute leader what he's doing to stop Desmond's show. He says they sent a "strongly worded letter" (hee) but she wants to know "realistically" what their efforts are. But Piz gets her attention and points out Jeff Ratner, who's in the meeting talking to some girl. Piz explains about Ratner's presence in Desmond's room, and Veronica amusedly calls out his surname. Ratner: "Oh, great. What are you gonna accuse me of this time?" Given your question, I'll accuse you of reading the boards. Veronica doesn't disappoint, saying he stole Desmond's backing tapes. Ratner, bored, denies that, but Veronica says his access to Desmond's bag and his presence at the meeting makes her go, "Hmm!" Ratner: "What's the thing that makes you go away?" I don't know if it's his dexterity with sarcasm or his plucky underdog status, but I'm really starting to like this guy. Piz asks who else could have planted "the blue hotel robe" in the bag, causing Veronica's eyes hilariously to go wider than Pepe Le Pew's did when he saw that poor cat with the painted-on stripe. Ratner, on the same wavelength, gives her a satisfied smirk, and Veronica is forced to tell Piz that his claim that it was a Neptune Grand robe was erroneous -- the Grand's robes are white. Veronica sucks it up and apologizes to Ratner, sounding sincere enough. Ratner: "I don't accept your apology." Hee. Veronica says she'll live. All right, I'll say it: More episodes for Jeff Ratner, please. As relevant as that request can be at this point in the game. But seriously, props to David Magidoff. He rules.
Desmond opens the door to find Piz and Veronica, and Veronica quickly grabs the bag and pulls out the contact info card within as Desmond sarcastically asks if she's solved the mystery. Veronica puts the card on her head and says yes. "Danny Cleaver's bag, and all my time this weekend?" After the inevitable ensuing bemusement, she says the answer is, "Two things you didn't mean to take, but did!" It turns out Desmond grabbed the wrong bag at the airport, as will happen when you clean out the plane's entire supply of miniature bottles of champagne. She says that the owner of the bag is in L.A., and with four hours before the show, they should be able to get the tapes in time. She and Piz head out, and Desmond reflects on how this was a pretty good Of The Week as we head into the break. Seriously, I was expecting one more twist and didn't get it, so...a little lame, I have to say. Still enjoyed it, though, obviously.
It's now dark as Piz and Veronica arrive at their destination and knock on the door. A bald older gentleman answers, and Veronica asks him about the tapes, but he confesses that he's been "kinda hung over," and his bags are still in the car. I'm so confused -- is he saying he drove drunk from the airport? He's way over twenty-one! I do like the touch, though, that he was as wasted as Desmond, and therefore was just as likely to take the wrong bag.
Cut to them on the way back, as Piz notes the illegal drugs Desmond was carrying and wonders how he made it through airport security. And, seriously: If the drugs weren't enough to set off warning bells, the ALUMINUM FOIL in which they're wrapped sure should have been. Piz and Veronica proceed to bond over nostalgic My Pretty Pony-related stories, and Veronica says that she used to think Desmond was cute. "Who knew he'd turn out to be such a wastoid lech?" Piz marble-mouths some defense of his man-idol, but then says that he's glad he got up the nerve to call Veronica. Veronica asks why he wouldn't have, and I'll give her some benefit of the doubt in that she's always ready to help a friend with a case, but still: Read a car, Mars. Piz says he thought it might be awkward, and Veronica sincerely says she's glad it's not. Piz, however, jokes that he's very uncomfortable. "I thought I'd be even more uncomfortable." Heh. They laugh, and then Piz pulls out another CD that's labeled "New Crap." He pops it into the player, and soon the two of them are smiling the smiles of Our Idol Has Come All The Way Back. I felt that way about Debbie Harry in the nineties. Piz also finds a notebook that contains the lyrics to a bunch of new songs, and gets A Mischievous Look on his face.
Keith and Leo pull up to Leo's work site, and Leo notes that there's a truck that isn't supposed to be there. They observe, engaged in some illegal-looking activity, Danny Boyd, a couple of random goons, and a horribly bemustached Vinnie Van Lowe. Deputy Sacks isn't going to be happy that you stole his most prized possession, Vinnie. Leo confirms that Vinnie was the guy who was casing the joint, and Keith tells Leo they need to wait for backup, then calls Sacks and reports the situation. But just then, Vinnie takes the opportunity to padlock everyone he's working with inside the store. Is there...no other means of egress? Does the Fire Department know about this? He then makes a phone call, and shortly thereafter, Sacks is calling Keith to tell him that someone else just reported the same robbery.
Keith and Leo accost Vinnie, who tells them (as he painfully and amusingly removes his mustache) that the owner of the place hired him, having gotten wind of some foul play, so he infiltrated the gang. You'll remember, of course, that Vinnie was in the Fitzpatricks' bar several episodes ago, so it's possible he used that connection, but I find it somewhat difficult to believe that they wouldn't have checked him out or found out he was a P.I. one way or another. I think this whole situation might go a lot deeper than it seems on the surface, which could be interesting. The cops pull up, and Leo does not look pleased. What he does look, however, is really, really hot.
Piz's boss looks anxiously out at the restless crowd, as it's apparently already past the time. She starts to bitch to Desmond, but Piz calls for him, and she hands the phone off. Piz tells Desmond that they're stuck in traffic, and asks if there's anything he can do until they get there -- maybe one of those new songs he was working on? Desmond nervously says he'll think about it, and hangs up. Veronica and Piz then hop out of the car, and it turns out they're at the show. I didn't know they knew how to lie like that in Beaverton, Piz!
Back from the last break, Desmond appears on stage to enthusiastic cheers. The "concert hall," by the way, looks suspiciously like the Neptune Grand set, and I don't know if inanimate entities have unions, but it seems to me like this one should be getting some overtime. Desmond asks the crowd how they feel about hearing some new solo material, and the cheering gets uncertain, like when Randy Jackson serves up one of his most delicious word salads. Regardless, Desmond starts in, and I believe I read on the boards he's doing a Cotton Mather song (think "Lily Dreams On" from the Veronica/Lilly dream sequence in the Season One finale). It's the same song that was playing in the car, and the music-rights budget heaves a sigh of relief as the crowd gets into it. Desmond loosens up and gets happy as he keeps going, and someone should call Jewel and tell her we've finally got the answer to "Who Will Save Your Soul" after all these years. Seriously, though, I know I'm not shutting up about it, but Paul Rudd is such a brilliant actor to be able to completely sell this sixty-minute-redemption storyline. Veronica tells "Piznarski" that he's a good guy. He looks at her, and then takes her hand, which is obviously yet another sexual assault on his part. Where are Nish and the Liliths when you really, really need them? Veronica looks ambivalent, but doesn't let go.
Later, Desmond happily wraps up his set in front of the now-bazoo crowd, and then heads backstage. Piz appears with Veronica, and Desmond's happy to see him, and asks whether he was able to catch the end of the show at least. Piz confesses that they caught the whole thing, and over Desmond's sputtering, says the new stuff was awesome. Desmond smiles: "You're a bad man, Piznarski." Heh. And as long as we're doing product-placement, this moment was brought to you by Splenda. Everyone grins, and we cut out before Piz is like, "So, you want to exchange cell numbers?"
The payment part of the website is ready to roll, and Max and Mac head to the door. He asks her to breakfast the day, but she begs off, saying she has to finish up. She promises a rain check, and he smiles and leaves. When he's gone, Logan gives her the "So, you and Geek Boy" eyebrows. I guess he doesn't care too much about Bronson, which is surprising, given that they shared a day of Happy Scavenger Hunt Fun Times. Maybe he's still pissed that they only came in third.
Grace appears backstage and tells Desmond that while he's still kind of a jerk, the show was pretty incredible. Desmond thanks her, and asks if she wants to go get a drink, "get away from all these damned kids?" She smiles, and I'm guessing he'll soon be seeing what kind of underwear she sports on a normal day. And since this is my last chance to say it, by "he," I mean PAUL RUDD!
In the morning, Mac has finished, and she gigglingly proclaims it an "ass-terpiece." Well, I don't pun my best on Red Bull and no sleep either. Logan, however, is back in I'm Getting Emo In The Morning mode, and asks about Veronica and Piz, specifically the possibility of cheating, and Mac is having about as much of that as she intends to have of Ultimate Frisbee and mushmouthed, cute guys. She packs up, and Logan ceases hanging onto the TV cabinet for dear emo life long enough to get out his checkbook. But Mac has a better idea: fifty percent ownership. Logan's smile suggests he's not even going to try to bargain her down, but he probably didn't even have any Red Bull with his no sleep.
In the cafeteria, Mac breaks up with Bronson. Seriously, it's about that eventful. She doesn't give a reason, we barely see a reaction shot -- what was the point of this character or this relationship? I did enjoy this episode, but not this subplot -- at least Mac and Beaver had a point, you know? I don't like this relationshippy direction at all. Logan and Mac together are fun, though.
Logan grandly starts to present his plan to the class, but his teacher cuts him off, aghast. Or as Mac would say, "ag-assed." Fine, I'll have more coffee.
In his office, Keith offers to rehire Leo, as he got fired from the security job and Keith feels responsible, and also, the department needs men. A lot of people were outraged that Keith would, or even could, bring Leo back after the business with the tapes, but if he were only asked to resign and no charges were filed, I could see it. Plus, there is that little point about Leo having saved Keith's life. Some people tend to remember things like that. I'd also opine that the Sheriff's Department is pretty much a joke of a story right now, so I'm glad to see a character I love coming back into it.
Cut to the two of them emerging from the office, with Leo saying he'll come back in to sign the paperwork. Veronica just happens to be there, and Leo tells her the good news and smiles that he guesses he'll be seeing her around, "just like old times." Life debts aside, maybe wait until you've made things official before you start hitting on the sheriff's daughter? Deputy (yay!) Leo leaves, and after a bit of banter about musicians, Vinnie appears and thanks Keith for a glowing quote he gave to the paper, including a mention of Vinnie being "an asset to this community." He goes on that you can't buy that kind of publicity, and after stringing Keith along in a way that would make Desmond jealous, Vinnie announces that he's declared his candidacy for Sheriff. Keith and Veronica look defeated and glum as Vinnie leaves. Well, that'll teach you the dangers of hyperbole, Keith. But I think Vinnie will make a far more interesting sheriff than Keith, which is convenient, because in my unspoiled opinion, there's no way in hell he's going to lose. It's also convenient that he'll finally be forced to lose the Members Only jacket. See you week!