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So Logan and Parker are for-real dating, to the point where Logan is throwing her a birthday party. They invite Veronica, and while she says she'll go, she also manages to make avoiding Parker and Logan something of a second job. Of course, there's that real job she has, too...
Veronica gets hired by the mother of Amira, one of her bitchy high school classmates, after her family-owned restaurant gets vandalized with anti-Arab graffiti. A paintball drive-by provides a momentary red herring and some sweet Pulp Fiction referencing, but the real help comes from video surveillance at the restaurant, which reveals a fratty-looking guy in a sweatshirt that reads "Sneed Batmen." "Sneed" leads Veronica to one Jason Cohen, who belongs to Hearst's Jewish fraternity and is currently boffing Amira. When Veronica gets to the frat, she sees someone taking photos through a bedroom window -- this would be Amira's parents-approved Arab fiancé, Nasir. Amira plays on Veronica's sympathy to recover the photos before her parents see pics of her macking on a Jewish boy and disown her. V gets the pics, but a photo-mart snafu results in Nasir getting his hands on the dirty photos anyway, and Papamira is pissed.
A second graffiti attack, this one caught on camera, yields an angry young racist whose soldier brother lost the use of his legs in Iraq. Angry Brother, Derrick, has been made angrier by anti-American fliers being distributed by Nasir. Upon informing Amira's parents, we get an avalanche of feel-goodery as Papamira declines to press charges, turns the other cheek, expresses his love for America, supports free speech, and ultimately has Nasir's sketchy ass shipped all the way back to Muslimabad or wherever. The end. And: yikes. How bad does a storyline have to get to earn the mantle of Poor Man's Crash?
Veronica recruits Wallace and Piz (man, the gang is ALL here this week) as wingmen for Parker's party, but Wallace first takes Piz out on the town in an attempt to wean him off his fruitless V obsession and onto someone, anyone who recognizes he's alive. Meanwhile, after an underaged kid gets hit by a car upon exiting a local watering hole, Keith gets all het up to solve Underage Drinking: A National Concern. Which only makes me long for It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia all the more. Particularly since the storyline is so boring and stupid. Suffice it to say, it involves Veronica-provided fake IDs, Wallace and Piz being used as narcs, and a whole slew of new and conveniently scapegoatable sheriff's department officers for Keith to fire. Lame.
In the end, V sucks it up and goes to Parker's party, sans-wingmen (Wallace and Piz needing to be unencumbered to compete for the same barfly and all). The party goes on forever, Mac and Max the Hookerlover get cute together, Dick scams on -- and is in turn scammed by -- two MySpace chippies, and Veronica ends up getting Piz to pretend to be her boyfriend in order to give some lounge lizard the slip. Wallace reads her the riot act for that one, as he should, because poor Piz is looking like a twice-baked potato, emotionally. She tries to let Piz down easy, and he responds by planting one on her and making his exit. Which is when Veronica decides she might just have a thing for Piz after all. Back of the line, Mars. The episode ends with V planting one on Piz by the elevators...which open to reveal the shocked and sad-sacky face of Logan. Ha! Suck on that, Bumfights! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
See what you've done, Veronica Mars? You've crafted an episode so terrible that you've run off your regular recapper! No, that's not true. But back in January when Couch Baron and I decided we'd end up swapping recaps in the hopes of staving off the cabin fever that tends to develop around this point in the TV season, who could have known that I'd end up having to recap the only episode in this entire series run that I've ever considered to be bad? That includes "One Angry Veronica" and Beaver as the killer and even "Inca Mummy Girl". Wait, wrong show. Regardless, I had to sub in for the only episode of this show I have ever not liked. Meanwhile, Couch Baron gets to kiss Chris Richardson goodbye? What a total rip-off. [At least you saved some money on Kleenex, there. -- Couch Baron]
Anyway, previously on The Veronica Mars Cancellation Watch III: Curse Those Pussycat Dolls: Keith became sheriff after Lamb's shoddy police work finally ended up biting him in the ass. He's being a dickhead to Jesus now. Mac ended up getting her frigid little swerve on with Bronson. Piz remained smitten with Veronica, while Veronica remained steadfastly dedicated to not getting it. And Logan got all hangdoggy as he told Veronica he was planning on asking Parker out. Aw. Shut up, Logan.
Speak of the antisocial sad-sack, here's Logan now. He's in the Hearst dining hall buying coffee, and when he spots Veronica at the back of the line, he buys her a cup as well, because when being completely and utterly whipped is what's working for you, why change course? They banter for a bit about class -- Logan's going through one of his "good student" phases, while Veronica's taking a class called Violence In Early Adolescence, which will come in handy in a bit -- until Logan mentions that he's throwing a birthday party for Parker. Ah, so some time has passed and they're a bit beyond making googly eyes over coffee. Logan says he's been watching My Super Sweet Sixteen for research purposes, and along those lines, does Veronica know where he can find some eunuchs? Rather than pointing him toward the fifteen episodes this season and telling him to find the guy who looks an awful lot like himself, Veronica just says that she can make some calls. And I kid, but I should also mention that the near-imperceptible way Logan steels himself before bringing up Parker to Veronica is a real nice touch, and it reminds me that for all the other hangdog bullshit, Dohring can really bring it. He tells Veronica that Parker would really like it if she showed up to the party. "We both would," he quickly amends, then tells her to think about it and walks off before she can muster a response.
Later on, Veronica's doing homework at Mars Investigations -- she gets the big-boy office now that Dad's gone municipal -- when a woman with an accent of some sort asks for Keith. Veronica says they've shut down for a while, but she does recognize the woman from "Babylon Gardens," a local take-out restaurant. Also, Veronica went to Neptune High with this woman's daughter. The woman says her restaurant was vandalized recently -- rocks thrown through the window and "terrorist" spray-painted on their walls. She asks if Veronica can be of any help, and Veronica gets the gleam in her eye that she gets when she knows she's got a license to whoop some racist ass.
Over at some random watering hole, there's a fratty-looking kid asleep on the bar. The bartender -- an older, gruff man of probably Irish stock -- taps him and shoves the kid's tab under his nose. Drunk Kid signs his bill, downs the rest of what is surely his room-temperature pint of Coors Light, and then stumbles out the door and into oblivion. I mean that literally, because just as he begins to embark upon what we call the South Buffalo Shuffle (two wobbly steps forward, one to the side, two wobbly steps forward, one to the side), he gets run down by a passing sedan. Poor drunken frat boy. If only you were twenty-one, your body would have developed an exoskeleton capable of repelling speeding cars. ...That's how it works, right?
Babylon Gardens. Veronica's on stakeout duty until she can get video surveillance set up. VMVO notes the irony in the fact that she took this job as a way to avoid dwelling on the Parker/Logan sitch, and yet here she is, in her car, with nothing to do but dwell. Lucky for her, she gets a diversion in the form of someone tapping on her passenger window. Unlucky for her, it's Amira. Amira is the high school classmate Veronica was talking about earlier. She's also, as we quickly learn, an unbelievable bitch. She fakely makes with the "long time, no see" talk, making sure to bring up how Veronica cost her her Pirate Points during her senior year. Veronica's like, "Oh, I can see where this is going." Amira bitch-asks why Veronica's spying on her parents' restaurant, and Veronica says Amira's mom hired her. Amira's "My mother hired you?" manages to be condescending to both her mother and Veronica, and the actress gives this bizarre line reading of "Have a blast," where she lingers and stares at Veronica, like she maybe wants to make out with her and is trying to hypnotize her with lip gloss in order to make that happen.
Tipsy McUndergrad's. Keith, sporting his most accusatory tone, is telling the bartender that our friend, the drunken piece of roadkill, is never going to walk again. How ironic, then, that the last walking he ever did was performed so ineptly. Keith demands to know how a nineteen-year-old kid was able to get a drink here. Barkeep says the kid's ID said he was twenty-one. Keith's like, "Yeah, it also said he was 6-foot-3, 220 pounds, blonde, and answered to the name 'This older kid I know.'" Barkeep gives the shrugged shoulders of "What can you do?" but Keith doesn't look like he's about to let this one slide. Oh, goody. I was hoping to learn a lesson about the perils of underage drinking this week.
Back at Babylon Gardens, Amira's parents -- with Amira following brattily behind -- storm out the front door. Well, really, it's just Papamira who's doing the storming. He tells Veronica she can go now, that it was a mistake for his wife to hire her, and that he can take care of this situation himself. Mamamira's all, "By falling asleep in your car every night when you already work all day? It's too much for you." Papamira says that the fact that Veronica is the sheriff's daughter could cause problems for "Nasir," and that it's no job for a girl anyway. Mamamira's pretty lippy for a woman who should know when to shut up, and she continues to protest. She's interrupted by a 4x4 full of whooping kids blasting some cheap knockoff of "Ride of the Valkyries" on the car stereo. They drive by and pelt Veronica and the Family Amira with paintballs. The first one we see hit Papamira is a red paintball which, combined with the laser sight, gives the impression of him really getting shot...if you're kind of stupid and can't differentiate the sound of real guns firing versus the sound of paintball guns firing. Veronica pulls off an ultra-cheesy dive to the pavement before she's struck by a pea-soup-colored pellet. The 4x4 speeds away -- with the boys inside making what does sound like racist "LALALALA!!!" noises -- and Veronica's "Oh they did NOT just pull that shit" face doesn't give me much hope for these douchebags' futures.
Credits. Still annoying. Much as I love the Dandies, they really should have just ditched the song entirely and gotten a new one.
Back inside Babylon Gardens, Amira is mourning the loss of her cashmere sweater, while her dad is raging about how he's been in this country for twenty years and is as American as anyone. Veronica says that she spotted a bumper sticker on the truck, so that's at least a start. Amira snots that unless it was a "Hi, My Name Is ___" bumper sticker, how is that going to help? Veronica says the owner of the truck has a child who's an honor student at Neptune Middle. The "suck on that, bitchface" is all in Veronica's wordless visage. She asks Papamira if he wants her to track these punks down or not. Papamira silently assents. His proud and frustrated façade reveals deep reservoirs of hating to admit his wife may have had a point.
Chez Mars. Keith is paging through the Hearst student newspaper and lamenting the giant ads for drink specials at the local bars. The fact that college kids drink having clearly thrown him for a loop, he turns to Veronica and asks if the bar that served our friend Kappa Kappa Pavement -- The Break -- is known for serving underage kids. Veronica utterly narcs out, saying it's known as "The Cake" for how easy it is to get into, but all the bars around Hearst are pretty lax about carding. She hastily, and unconvincingly, adds that she only knows this through reputation, not experience. Keith looks sober -- no pun intended -- and ponders how he's going to be able to free Neptune from the scourge of Dollar Draft Night.
At the Neptune Sheriff's Station, Sacks is passing out copies of a list Keith has compiled of bars that've been known to serve underage kids. Keith instructs the horde of cops that he wants them to perform "surprise checks" on all the bars on this list, tonight. A heretofore unseen flatfoot, who looks far too much like Craig Bierko to not be a jackass, cracks that the list looks like his credit card statement. "Gentlemen," says Keith with utmost seriousness, "Jim Wilson was nineteen; I want this taken seriously." And when he puts it that way, I guess it is a tragedy. Poor nineteen-year-olds. I guess we can't expect them to possess responsibility or self-control or the ability to walk home without dying. Only on one's twenty-first birthday do those virtues descend from on high, brought forth by God's messenger St. Paul. Or, if you'd rather, the St. Pauli Girl. As the cops disperse, Bloated Craig Bierko pulls Sacks aside and asks if Keith was like this the first time around as Sheriff. "I wouldn't test him," Sacks warns. Oh, Sacks. Such loyalty to Keith. Don Lamb must be spinning in his grave that nobody visits.
Neptune Middle. The teacher tells her class that they have a guest speaker today, and it's Veronica, who will be "conducting a survey about gun awareness for her college Criminology course." Clearly, Veronica's looking to ferret out her honor student. Some mop-topped brat asks what a criminologist does, and Veronica takes the opportunity to remind us that she's considering a career at the FBI. The kid brats that Veronica's a girl and girls can't be FBI agents. Man, I wish this kid and Papamira would go grab a beer at Tipsy McUndergrads and discuss their antiquated anti-feminist views, and we could forget this whole stupid episode. Alas. Veronica tells "Ronald" that girls actually develop faster than boys and "have higher levels of cognitive functioning, including math calculation, written language, and verbal fluency." Ronald: Whuh? Veronica: "Well put, Ronald. We need firemen, too." I should get all up in arms about Veronica's ignorant and elitist sarcasm right now, shouldn't I? I'll do it once I can get out from under the weight of the rest of this episode's crushing platitudes.
Veronica smoothly transitions into her "topic," which is namely the danger of guns. All guns. Even toy guns like, say, pellet guns or PAINTBALL GUNS. She asks all the kids whose parents or siblings own pellet or BB guns to raise their hands. "Now, how about paintball guns?" she asks. About three kids raise their hands. "Okay, now whose family owns a big yellow pickup truck." One kid raises his hand and says, "My dad's name is Buck, and he's here to fuck." Okay, we're all in a Tarantino-referencing mood tonight. [Joe R, you and I have unfinished business. -- Couch Baron] What really happens is that the teacher looks askance at Veronica and asks what's going on, but Veronica has her answer in the raised hand of a young boy who appears to be of Middle Eastern descent. Didn't see that one coming, did ya?
The bus drops that very same kid off at The House Of Self-Hating Paintball Enthusiasts, and Veronica's already there. She takes a moment to observe the plush suburban surroundings before following the noises of youthful shenanigans around the back to what appears to be a pool house. It looks like it -- and the pool it would accompany -- is under construction, which is either a strange set choice that has no bearing on the plot or else a subtle commentary on Arab-Americans and how their integration into typical American society is an ongoing process. During which time their assimilated kids will fuck around with paintball guns and play video games with their stoner friends. Because, indeed, Veronica peeks inside to find the said weapons, as well as a quartet of Halo-playing doofuses. She manages to slip inside unnoticed until she splats a big green paintball into the middle of the TV. The boys -- fifteen-year-olds, sixteen tops -- jump up to face Veronica, gun in her hand. "Yo, bitch, what up?" yells the Middle Eastern one. Veronica responds by firing a paintball right into his chest. Hee. Can we have a whole hour of that? Veronica slugging paintballs into bratty kids' chests? I would watch an entire fourth season of just that, every week. Weirdly, we act out on Veronica revealing that she knows how much that just stung, because they shot her last night. The fade-to-black seems to imply that this is news. The big yellow truck in the driveway kind of tipped us off.
When we come back. Veronica's still pointing the paintball gun and telling these four punks that she's tight with the Sheriff and he's no fan of hate crimes. "Self-hate, in your case." The lead punk -- who looks like an Arab version of Andrew Keegan -- looks at her like he hasn't the first clue what she's on about. "Dude, she shot you," bongs one of his friends. "Yeah, keep up, Towelie," snaps Veronica. Man, first Butters, now Towelie. Can I put in a request for Lemmiwinks or Sexual Harassment Panda before it's all said and done? Arab Andrew Keegan is all "Self-hate who?" Veronica asks if spray painting Babylon Gardens rings any bells. "What?" Arab Andrew Keegan responds. "Say 'what' again!" Veronica snaps, her gun still trained on the punks. "I dare ya. I double-dare ya." Those of you in the know realize that the FCC robbed us of the most glorious part of that line, which is a shame. Arab Andrew Keegan is dumb enough to oblige Veronica, and he gets a few more paintballs in the shoulder for his trouble. AAK says, "Someone wrote 'terrorist' on Babylon Gardens?" "Check out the big brains on Brett," says Veronica, still feeling her Jules. AAK says they didn't do it, and they can prove it. They show her the videotapes they made of their various paintballings, which Veronica can see have been perpetrated against all and sundry, not just minorities. Veronica is incredulous that their defense is that they attack everyone, but she's interrupted by footage of V.P. Clemmons (he'll always be V.P. to me) getting paintballed in his driveway. Aw. "Dude," says Towelie, "nailing Clemmie was sweet!" This earns him a paintball to the chest, which is a nice show of loyalty from Veronica to her old frenemy Clemmons. She demands the DVD and says if there are any more drive-bys, this makes it to the cops. Meanwhile...
...Veronica drags the punks down to Babylon Gardens for cleanup duty. Papamira asks Veronica -- who's finishing up installing the surveillance camera -- if she's sure these aren't the spray-painters. She's pretty sure. Mamamira emerges with a banner of some sort -- I have no idea whether this is religious or cultural or both, not that it matters to whoever wants to deface it -- and asks if he really wants to "hang another one." Mamamira asks Veronica if she thinks that's wise, and Papamira admonishes her not to ask Veronica, as it's not her business. Mamamira shoos him off and asks anyway, and Veronica says that if it were her, she'd hang a banner twice as big. Papamira's like, "See? Two against one. Democracy in action." See, I liked the characterization of Papamira here. He's proud, plagued with old-world ideas about women, loves "democracy" but invokes it self-servingly, only values a female opinion when it suits him, but is also obviously well-intentioned. Complicated. Human. And Mamamira's no shrinking violet in this situation either, which I also liked. The problem here isn't that Amria's parents are stereotypes, I will say that.
Penthouse L'Douche. Logan sarcastically thanks Dick for all the help he's clearly not given to Logan during the planning phase of Parker's birthday party. Dick could not possibly care less, as his face is currently buried in his MySpace page. Which is too bad, because Logan keeps inadvertently showing off his arms, and there isn't much on MySpace that's going to compete with that. Dick's got two "hot chicks" that he's mulling over, deciding which one he's going to take to the party. Logan takes a look at the profiles: "Lazy eye might work to your advantage." Really? Dick might fare better with someone with a lazy ear. And to prove my point, Dick says, "Just goes to show how whipped you are. The correct answer is: both." He says if they both show up, he'll do a quick "heat check," and "whichever's engine is running hotter gets Dick!" You really have to see Ryan Hansen deliver that line to fully appreciate it. Between the double thumbs pointing at himself and the curled lip action, it's possibly the finest Dick action I've seen all year. Feel free to pull-quote that one for the homepage. Poor Logan can only offer a feeble correction of Dick's grammar before lilting out the door.
Back at the station, Bloated Craig Bierko reports to Keith that they hit up all the bars on the list, and they were all clean. Keith asks "Deputy Gills" if he doesn't think it's strange that in a college town, a raid on college bars didn't turn up one written citation. Gills says the bars are really good about keeping the kids out, and our friend Kappa Kappa Pavement was just an exception. Keith gives that idea about as much credit as I do. Though in my case, I just don't care. Probably why I won't be getting appointed Sheriff of anything anytime soon. [I've been meaning to talk to you about getting a cooler handle... -- Couch Baron]
Veronica's at home checking out the security cam footage. It's uneventful except for a college kid in a sweatshirt skulking around the entrance. He's not spray-painting anything; he's just peering into the windows and acting shady. Veronica reads the sweatshirt, which has a number 11 on the back, like it's a sports jersey, and which says "Sneed Batmen" on the front. Cut to the Hearst dining hall where Veronica is having lunch with Mac (hi, Mac!). Veronica's asking her if "Sneed Batmen" rings any bells, but Mac's looking like someone rung her bell recently. She apologizes for spacing out and says she and Bronson went on a hike this morning. Veronica's incredulous that Mac would allow the concepts of "hiking" and "morning" to take root in her life, and Mac's all, "I wanted to see what it was like!" Veronica says things with Mac and Bronson seems to be good. "Any better and he'd have you jump through fiery hoops." Mac shoots a delicious "shut up" squint Veronica's way, but Veronica probably has a point. I mean, did I mention how Mac's wearing flannel? She was not meant for a life this granola.
Mac then spots Logan and Parker giggling up by the food line, and Mac asks if they can give Logan and Parker their table. Veronica's all fake smiles and visible panic, and Mac cheerfully waves them over. Mac makes sardonic small-talk with Logan about their days at Neptune together, and he deadpans right back about not having any memory of her whatsoever. They banter back and forth, Mac managing to reference Heathers, I Know What You Did Last Summer and She's All That in under thirty seconds, until Parker begs them to stop. Jealous? Because...I would be. When did Mac and Logan get such great chemistry? Veronica and her fake smile of smiley fakeness say that she and Mac have to split, but Parker manages to squeeze in yet another invite to her party. Veronica insincerely says she's all about it. As she and Mac make their retreat, Veronica remarks that Mac and Logan seem awfully chummy. Mac says she was never a fan of old, "surly" Logan, but since he's "been around so much" (i.e., since he's been with Parker), she's seen a sweet side. "That was probably the side you saw all the time." Veronica's raised eyebrow tells us that maybe Logan's improved attitude might have something to do with his new girlfriend. Clearly, this angst deficiency is unacceptable and all Parker's fault. Bring back old Logan! The one who got drunk all the time and set poor people's swimming pools on fire!
Veronica throws an arm around Mac's shoulders and asks if, prior to heading to Parker's party, they might meet up so Mac could bash her over the head with a hammer a few times. Mac's all, "Tempting. But they asked me to help set up." Veronica takes a rain check on that action and continues on her way. Her way takes her to Wallace and Piz, who seem to be headed back from some quad football. She cheerfully mentions Parker's party and asks if they're both up for some "strength in numbers" action. Wallace says that he's in, and he starts to say that Piz has other plans, but Piz barrels over him and says he'd be happy to come. Veronica, meanwhile, spots someone with a "Sneed Batmen" sweatshirt on (this guy is #7) and is all, "Kthanksbye!" Wallace follows Piz inside their room and asks if he didn't have a "Yo-Yo Taco" event on Saturday. Piz goes, "Yo La Tengo. But this sounds like more fun." Wallace sighs and says Piz is like one of those people who stand behind the poker players in Vegas but don't play a hand themselves. Piz hates a poker analogy as much as I do and is like, "Your point?" Wallace makes the obligatory and oh-so-original observation that Piz needs to "go all in" at some point. He says he's taking Piz out, and he's going to talk to a girl who knows he's alive. Presumably once that criteria is reached, Piz can move on to girls who actually like him. I'd suggest not starting with bars frequented by Veronica Mars message boarders.
Veronica's caught up with "Sneed Batmen" guy, and I am 99% sure he's played by a former Road Rules cast member. "Dave"? I think his name is Dave. And I'm pretty sure he was boring. Anyway, "Dave"? says that "Sneed" stands for "Sneed Hall," and the Batmen are Sneed's intramural softball team. Veronica uses a basic "I was flirting with number 11 the other day and I don't know his name, can you help" ruse, and "Dave" (?) is all too happy to say that number 11 is one Jason Cohen.
Cut to Veronica pulling up in front of the "Zeta Epsilon house," which is Hearst's Jewish fraternity, of which Jason is a part. Ah, so we've got Arabs and Jews. NOW it's a party. As Veronica's checking out the house, she spots something flashing in the adjacent tree. VMVO sums up what happens nicely: "Peeping Tom in a tree, takes off on a bike. I feel like I stumbled into a Benny Hill sketch." Oh, what I wouldn't give for a zany Benny Hill chase scene to liven this episode up. Veronica then spots a couple who have come to the front door to try and spot the peeping pervert who was just snapping pics at them. Veronica gets A Look on her face and approaches the couple: it's Amira, and the boy is Jason Cohen. "Better question," snots Amira, "why the hell are you here?" We fade to commercial before anyone can ponder if Kristin Cavallari could have actually delivered that line better. When we return, Veronica accuses Jason of "skulking" around Amira's parents' restaurant. Amria's like, "He wasn't skulking; he's my boyfriend, and oh by the way, I'm going to kill Nasir." Veronica doesn't recognize the name from the last time it was portentously dropped, so Amira exposits on her own: Nasir works at Babylon Gardens, but his student visa has expired, so he's here illegally. In addition, Amira's supposed to marry the guy. But now that he's got photos of her with her Jewish boyfriend, he's going to fink her out to her dad and she'll be disowned. Amira sad-faces to Veronica until Veronica's like, "Fine, I'll track down your mail-order husband and get your naughty pics back for you." At first I thought Amira was playing on Veronica's sympathies in order to cover up something shadier. Now I just think she's being portrayed by a terrible actress. In addition, no one gives any thought to why Nasir, whose visa is expired, would want to queer the deal that would make him a citizen by revealing Amira to be a Jew-boinking hussy. I mean, sure, the fact that he's willing to throw his immigration status away over his disgust at female sexual liberation and Judaism says a lot about him as a person, but I don't think the connection ever gets made, and it's too bad.
Supermarket. Veronica passes Nasir at the magazine rack (is that a Modern Anti-Semite I see?) and heads for the guy at the photo counter. She gives him a typical cock-and-bull story about her boyfriend "over there" (she nods at Nasir) being too embarrassed to pick up the photos he just dropped off, as they're pics of "special moments with special friends." The photo guy asks if Nasir's really her boyfriend. "It's like dating a young Omar Sharif," she says. "Desert fever." The photo guy says the machine's been jamming up, but it's on their last photo right now. While she waits, Veronica heads over to Nasir and asks him for the time. They're out of earshot, but the photo guy can hear them. Nasir churlishly obliges, and Veronica hilariously rubs his upper arm and says thank-you. Satisfied, the photo guy hands the pics over to Veronica, who tosses a "See you back at the apartment" Nasir's way as she leaves. And she blows a kiss. Nasir watches her leave and goes to ask for his photos. He's told that his "girlfriend" took them, and he flips out. Photo guy tells him to "count to ten" and says he's still got a few prints from when the machine jammed before. Which would be ridiculously cold comfort for anyone who isn't in Nasir's position of only wanting those one or two incriminating photos, so I guess we're all lucky this contrived situation worked out the way it did.
Elsewhere, Wallace and Piz are at a local bar, watching some brunette hottie play pool. It looks like she just finished hustling some dude, and Wallace decides that twenty bucks is worth losing if it means he gets to talk to her. Piz is like, "I thought tonight was about me." Wallace horndogs that that was before he saw Fast Lady Felson over there, but Piz cuts the little "Judas" off and makes the approach. He storms the table, slaps a twenty onto the felt, and says, "I got twenty bucks that says you can whip my ass and make me like it!" Fast Lady Felson says she likes a confident man and gets to setting up her rack. Also, she places the balls in the triangle thingie.
Veronica, meanwhile, shows up at Amira's dorm with the incriminating photos. Amira's grateful, for once, and invites Veronica in. Veronica says that Nasir, while a bit on the nosy side, wasn't too hard on the eyes. Amira says if she didn't have a problem being "treated like property," she'd probably be cool with marrying him. Veronica's picking up what Amira's putting down, but before they can go into it further, there's a knock at the door. It's Papamira, and boy is he pissed. He's got the partially developed photo Nasir gave him, and luckily, none of the good parts were lost to the vagaries of the photo machine. It's tough to tell if Papamira is angry about the Jewish thing on its merits alone or if it's merely that he believes Amira's coupling has drawn the ire of "the community" and that's why they got vandalized. Veronica asks whether "community" refers to Jews or Arabs. "Either," yells Papamira, "or both!" He continues his tirade, telling Veronica that none of this is her concern anymore: she's fired. Veronica gathers herself and says she works for Papamira's wife, and if Mamamira wants to fire her, she can ring her up. Poor Papamira looks like he needs a hug. And for all the women in his life to stop thinking for themselves.
The back offices of Tipsy McUndergrads. Barkeep, whose name is Murphy, is counting cash when Keith enters and says that he was told that Mr. Murphy wanted a word in private. Murphy starts waxing philosophical about why people go to bars, and how they don't go to bars so they can get hassled by sheriff's deputies every fifteen minutes. He also makes a very blunt allusion to the fact that he always donated a lot of money to the department via their yearly raffle, and in turn Lamb "appreciated his relationship with local businesses." He asks Keith how many raffle tickets he should plunk down for this year, waving a fat wad of cash as he does so. Keith says there won't be a raffle this year, but the hospital's having a pancake breakfast and could use the cash. As Keith tries to wedge himself and his self-righteousness out the door, Murphy leads him past a photo of the sheriff's department softball team, saying The Break always provided them with nice new uniforms, tournament fees, post-game beers, et cetera. Okay, 1) we see the softball team is called the Excessive Force, which: awesome; and 2) both Sacks and Gills are pictured with the team, but not Lamb. Which is BULLSHIT. Don Lamb was built to be the overcompetitive shortstop on the department softball team. Before Keith can once again look down his nose at Murphy, however, the sounds of a giggling Fast Lady Felson turn his head, and he spots Wallace and Piz, brews in hand. The boys are kind enough to look totally busted, and Murphy says he carded these boys himself. Keith takes a look at the IDs, and we all know where they got those from. Even Keith says he doesn't have to ask. Wait, now there are fake IDs on college campuses? I just...I blame the video games, I really do.
The morning, Veronica heads into the kitchen to find Wallace and Piz staring back at her in the form of those immaculate fake IDs she made for them. Keith enters -- does he ever take that sheriff's uniform off? That's gotta be ripe by now -- and says that of the thirty-seven bars he had to write up last night, no fake ID he saw could hold a candle to hers. I'd like to think there's a little pride in his voice, but it's hard to peg Keith as anything but self-righteous and crusaderly this week. He asks her how she'd feel if Wallace and Piz had gotten drunk (gasp!) and stumbled into the street and in front of a car. Once again -- can't expect them to be responsible for themselves, oh no. They can only vote, smoke, live on their own, and go off to war at their age. Expecting them to be able to hold their liquor would be overkill. Whatever, I know this is all happening to show the kind of endemic corruption Keith has inherited from Lamb, and if anybody should have a bug up his ass about underage drinking it's the sheriff, but...come on. It's drinking on college campuses. The fight against jaywalking would be less hopeless.
Veronica's phone rings, and it's Mamamira -- there's been another graffiti attack. Behind her, we see Nasir working to scrub off "Terrorists Go Home." Veronica says she'll be right over to check the tape. thing we know, she's got a still photo blown up of some youngish-looking guy, but Mamamira doesn't recognize him. Veronica says that she can find him, and VMVO tells us why: she put a tracking device inside the banner that Papamira wanted to re-hang on the front of the restaurant. As Veronica walks out, Nasir stares after her, no doubt wondering if thinking for herself is what makes her ass look so great. Seriously, he's all, "Grumble, grumble, sproing!"
Veronica follows her tracking device to a back alley in what appears to be Neptune's own Hooverville, and she finds the banner inside a trash can across from what I'm pretty certain is the run-down shack Will Hunting lived in until that fateful morning when Ben Affleck showed up at his door and he just...wasn't there. No good-bye. No "see you later." He just left. Anyhoo, Veronica doesn't have as much time to ponder movie quotes, because she's got a beat-up old van pulling up, and the driver looks an awful lot like the guy on the surveillance video. He's young, and he's apple-cheeked to an odd degree, like he put on blush before he decided to go out hate-criming, and he's wearing a T-shirt with both an American flag and a bald eagle on it. Okay, maybe he's just a Colbert fan. But no, because he's all "What's it to you?" when Veronica accuses him of vandalizing Babylon Gardens. She asks him why he did it, and he tells her that if she has to ask, then she's not paying attention. She's all, "That's it? Just your garden-variety redneck jackass?" He says, "Not quite," and then takes Veronica around to the other side of his van, where we see that he has a brother. In a wheelchair. In army fatigues. Big Brother is incredulous that Babylon Gardens is a front for a terrorist organization, and he apologizes to Veronica for his little brother's actions. But Little Brother returns from the van with a flier depicting a crudely-drawn cartoon of Iraqis with bazookas giggling at American soldiers' coffins. Little Brother says he saw someone handing those out at the mall and followed the guy "on his bike" back to Babylon Gardens. First of all, he was handing out fliers like that at a mall and came out with his pretty face intact? I'm not saying anyone had a right to violence, but I'm surprised it didn't happen nonetheless. Of course, Little Brother doesn't have a leg to stand on anyway, even if he did suspect Nasir of legit terrorist activity. He's not Rambo. And if he were, he'd make for a really crappy Rambo, considering that all he accomplished was petty vandalism. Anyway, I think the point we're supposed to come away with is that Little Brother has a Good Reason for his anger, but his brother the soldier is more of a Good Example by being level-headed about this whole thing.
We see Veronica enter Babylon Gardens, VMVO telling us that she's not feeling her usual "sugar rush of sweet justice" after getting to the bottom of this mystery. Hmm, maybe because the first half hour was filled with complete and utter red herrings -- paintball, Jason Cohen, star-crossed Gaza Strip lovin' -- that had less than nothing to do with the eventual outcome, aside from the fact that Nasir rode a bike, and so this resolution we're getting right now seems tacked-on and unearned? Is that it? No, I think VMVO is just feeling bad for the little redneck punk and his legless brother. She tells Amira's parents that their culprit is "Derrick Karr," and she shows them the anti-American flier Nasir was passing around. She also explains how Derrick's brother was "shot up in Eye-rack." Oh, Veronica, not you too. Do I need to send you the Christiane Amanpour Proper Middle Eastern Pronunciation Handbook And Audio Cassettes? She says that Derrick has a criminal record for stealing cars, so if they decide to blow him in, he'll do jail time for it. Papamira only says he wants to speak to the boy.
Hearst dormitory. Sheriff Keith is striding through the hallway towards Wallace and Piz's room, where he finds the cover of the most recent Lampoon on their door. On it, a giant-headed cartoon Keith busts teeny little Wallace and Piz, under the headline "Mars Attacks!" Hee. When Piz answers the door, Keith asks "Stosh" if he and Wallace want to head out for a few beers. "This is one of those trick questions, isn't it?" says Piz. Keith says he's got new IDs for them: Wallace's is Biggie Smalls, while Piz got Jon Bon Jovi. Eerily prescient! Wallace is like, "We don't really all look alike, Mr. Mars." Hee hee. Best line of the night. Keith suggest they go out and "get our drink on," and I start to get thoughts of that one Cosby Show where they teach Vanessa a lesson about drinking by making her take part in a family chug-a-lug. Now that was parenting. But no, we cut to The Break, where Piz and Wallace are pouring each other ridiculously foamy pints of non-alcoholic beer. See? If they don't get their pub practice in now, who knows how long it'll take them to be able to pour themselves a proper glass of beer. Train 'em young, I say. The sooner you learn the "beer before liquor, never been sicker" rule, the better of you'll be. Anyway, Piz and Wallace bicker about their current situation, and Piz decides this could make a funny story for "Miranda," a.k.a. Fast Lady Felson. Wallace says Piz invited her to join them for Parker's party, and that Piz's "lack of pimp juice" is gonna cost him. Oh, Wallace. You jive turkey, you. Just then, Officer Gills uninterestedly walks into the bar and instructs the patrons to grab their IDs and "wave them around in the air like you just don't care." See, but my theory is that HE is the one who just doesn't care. Let's see how this pans out. Gills walks through the crowd of youthful patrons and thanks them for their time without checking a single ID. "This waste of time," Gills says, his voice dripping with disdain, "has been brought to you by your temporary sheriff of Balboa County." As Gills walks out, Wallace pulls out his GIANT walkie-talkie and asks Keith if he got all that. NARCS!! FILTHY NARCS!! From his perch across the road, Keith 10-4s and eyes Gills with sad-eyed disappointment.
After the commercials, Keith's got his deputies assembled at the station. He says that last night, he ordered another sweep of the bars. He names four deputies, including Gills, and tells them they're fired. Gills snaps, "You're firing us? You're the substitute teacher. I was hired by Don Lamb." Right, and since Lamb is currently using his remarkably well-defined torso to push up daisies right now, dropping that name will do you no good, dipshit. Gills threatens Keith that if he tries to "pull this stunt," they'll all walk. Keith points them towards the door. When nobody -- including Sacks, who's shifting his eyes around enough for it to count as his daily cardio -- walks out, Gills gasps that Keith "doesn't have the stones..." Before he can finish whatever idle threat was going to come , Keith yells at him to turn in his badge and get the hell out. On the bright side, it's daytime, so Gills can go drown his sorrows at The Break without running into too many sloshed sophomores.
Will Hunting's house. Derrick Karr opens his front door to find Veronica with Amira's parents -- whose names are Rashad and Sabirah Krimani, but it's far too late for names now. Derrick's jaw is set, but Papamira says that he wanted to talk with him. Derrick goes to shut the door, but Veronica tells Derrick that he'll end up in jail otherwise. "So I end up in jail," he says. "My brother ends up in a wheelchair, and these foreigners are free to spit on America and all it stands for?" Papamira asks if Derrick even knows what America stands for, and...okay, I'm just going to start quoting, because that's the only way I'm going to get through this without yelling at people. "Saying you love America is easy," says Papamira. "It's easy until someone spray-paints 'terrorist' on your door. It's easy until you are handed a flier that mocks the sacrifice of your brother. We all came from somewhere else; we all are trying to make it. In America, whatever you stand for, you're supposed to get a fair shot. That is what your brother was fighting for. In case you wanted to know." "So turn me in, Ali-Baba," says Derrick, who I just realized would make a dandy teenaged version of Sawyer, between the mangy hair and penchant for racist nicknames and being a total dickhole and all. He slams the door shut. Veronica takes out her phone and assures the Krimanis that Derrick will be in jail within the hour. That's the Veronica I love. Papamira predictably tells her not to bother. "I suspect that our troubles with Mr. Karr are over." Um...why? Did Papamira come to this conclusion before or after the "Ali-Baba" crack? What possible indication...you know...no. Not going to get worked up about it. This episode was bad, this scene was the worst part of it, everybody seems to realize it, there's no need to go on and on. ...I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED 45 MINUTES ON A SHITTY MYSTERY ONLY TO BE SERVED THIS STEAMING PILE OF EMPTY LIBERAL PLATITUDES!
Ahem.
So poor Veronica is left with an itchy trigger finger. Mamamira puts an arm around her husband as says how proud she is of him. "Your words were so inspirational," she says. Well, they inspired this C+ episode rating, I'll say that. She then asks if all this talk of allowing everyone their fair shot extends to their daughter. "I guess I should meet the boy," Papamira admits. You really should, Papamira, he's totally cute. And what of Nasir? Papamira says Nasir didn't break any laws, "and I support his right to free speech." Really. He really said this. Does he have a speechwriter? Is he running for President? WHO TALKS LIKE THIS?? [Rob Lowe, as you well know, but he can get away with it. -- Couch Baron] "But that doesn't mean," he continues, "that I have to support him or shelter him." Got all that? Have you organized these bullet points into a handy list available for your bloodless debate about tolerance during a time of war? Papamira says the cartoon "pissed [him] off" and was "un-American." I'd quibble about it being "anti-American" rather than "un-American" but whatever. Twenty more seconds and this plotline gets sent on a slow boat to China. Speeeeeaking of which, the thing we see is the INS storming the Babylon Gardens kitchen and hauling Nasir off for working on an expired visa. A few things before I wipe my mind clean: 1) Papamira's willing to turn the other cheek to Derrick's vandalism but not Nasir's anti-Americanism? If we're not saying that Nasir was involved in actual terrorist activity -- and we're pretty clearly not -- then neither action seems more forgivable than the other, if you ask me. 2) Yes, the people who illegally employed Nasir would probably be subject to some stiff penalties as well, but I can buy a fanwank that says the Krimanis got leniency for blowing him in themselves. And 3) Is that really a traditional Muslim head covering Nasir is wearing or...could that be a tuque? Because, call me crazy, but I think I see a jaunty little ball of fabric on top there. Considering htat this leaves us with a good ten minutes of show, I can probably say that was the biggest time-filler A-plot we've ever seen on this show. And I take absolutely no pleasure in this, because I generally feel this show is great. Why, Veronica Mars, why??
Anyway, on to the good stuff...no wait, first we have to see Veronica show remorse to her dad for providing her friends with fake IDs. Ready? Veronica shows remorse to her dad for providing her friends with fake IDs. Also, Keith tells her that Wallace and Piz called and said they'd meet her at the party rather than arrive with her. [A party at which he obviously doesn't suspect there will be ANY underage drinking, I'm sure. -- Couch Baron] Yeah, that'll happen when the only thing you have to offer your wingmen is the chance to observe you act shifty and miserable every time Logan looks towards your side of the room.
As Veronica gets in the elevator at the Neptune Grand, VMVO begins to list the things she'd rather do than attend this party on her own. VMVO only gets to "seven minutes in heaven with Scott Peterson" before Dick boards the elevator with her. This very situation being second on her list, I think we can give Veronica credit for not breaking down or hitting something. Dick insincerely (I know!) gives her props for showing up at all. "I thought something like this might be, you know, unbelievably awkward," he says. "Your fly's open," she says. This comment would normally let the air out of even the most confident of sails, but not our Dick. "I know," he says, puffing up. "Party ritual." Veronica closes her eyes and begs for the strength to drink enough tonight to erase that thought from her mind. Which is probably why, when Dick offers her a pull from his flask (not a metaphor), Veronica accepts and takes a big ol' swig. Dick drank first, so that probably eases thoughts of another GHB-fueled adventure, but Veronica wipes the spout clean in any case. Dick wonders if this could be the beginning of some sort of friendship, which only causes Veronica to chug harder.
Mac's already at the party, and when she sees Veronica arrive, they rush to each other like they're ports in a storm. Mac's "WTF" face is because she thought for a moment that Veronica was trying to get back at Logan by showing up with Dick. "Nothing says 'I'm over you' like dating down," says Veronica before her eagle eyes spot an opening on the couch. Ah, (pent)house parties. Veronica says that the couch is their foxhole tonight, and they must defend it zealously. Yeah, that's how you get cornered by the Dick Casablancases of the world, sweetie. Stick and move, that's how you negotiate the house party. Stick and move. Lucky for Veronica, it's not Dick who shows up to say hello, but rather it's Max. Hi, Max! I like him anyway, but after last night's Sabres game, I'm rather partial to guys named Max, so now I like him double. Veronica's aloof for half a second before she pulls it together and introduces Max to Mac and vice versa. She offers Max her spot on the couch, instructs him to defend it, and heads off to harangue Wallace and Piz.
"You were supposed to be my wingmen," Veronica accuses, only half-kidding. "What mission could be more important than that?" On cue, Miranda shows up with drinks. Have Wallace and Piz learned nothing about the perils of underage drinking? What if one of them walks off the ledge of the balcony tonight? As to Veronica's "what mission could be more important" question, she answers it herself, while taking a peek at Miranda's jugs: "Right...Battle Of The Bulge." Hee.
Elsewhere, some Haley Scarnato-looking airhead is telling Dick how much she loves that quote he has on his MySpace. "What is it again?" she prompts. "'The Dude abides,'" Dick offers. "I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that." And I'm reminded that whatever my problems with the writing staff this week, we're always going to be cool, because someone there is a Lebowskifan. ScarNOTo gets all googly about it, but before she can press her flesh closer to Dick's skeevy awfulness, he spots an eight-foot-tall transsexual and heads off her way. And...it's not hard to figure out that this is Dick's second MySpace date, but I am not kidding when I say that this Amazon is packing more than just a friend request. Oh, Dick, haven't we been down this road before? Lucky for all involved, the tranny thing is only in my head and not at all a part of the story.
Logan clink-clinks on a glass and asks for everyone's attention. He makes another Super Sweet Sixteen joke that only Parker laughs at, and that's because she has to. Then he has a cake wheeled out, and Parker's all, "You remembered!" Remembered to buy a cake for a birthday party? Yeah, he's brilliant like that. There's a very Sears Portrait Studio image of Logan and Parker in the icing, and they're about as schmoopy as Logan will allow, and through all this, Veronica is miserable and trying to hide it.
Dick and his Amazonian friend are flirting, and she's offering him tickets to some sporting event or other because her dad owns half of the unspecified team. She even offers him a seat in her "private box," so you know she's speaking Dick's language. He excuses himself to catch up with date #2, but before he can step away, she shows up to the Amazon. Dick looks busted, but ScarNOTo leans into the Amazon and says that Dick looks rather "yummy." The Amazon concurs, saying, "You just want to eat him up." Dick looks like he just found out that Santa Claus is real after all. And he's not averse to fulfilling your Penthouse fantasy.
Over by the cake, Veronica is wishing Parker a happy birthday and mother of God, speaking of Amazons, Parker just towers over Veronica. Not sure if Parker's especially tall or Veronica's especially short, but yikes. I'm guessing this is one lady Veronica won't be able to intimidate. Parker says she was worried things would be weird with them, but Veronica is a "class act." Veronica looks like she almost believes it herself when she says, "I'm happy for you guys." She starts to say that she's never seen Logan so happy, but that's maybe a little much all at once, so she turns to talk of cake instead. Then, because nobody in Logan's orbit is allowed a sweet moment for too long, Parker hands Veronica the piece of cake with Logan's face on it. Which means Parker's either stupid or diabolical, and I really don't think she's either, but come on: how do you not notice you handed her a face piece?
Back on the couch, Mac's regaling Max with tales of her purity test scam, which also doubles as her "how I met Veronica" story. Max is duly impressed, and they share a moment of rebel techno-geek bonding. Somewhere on campus, Bronson starts to hear a tick-tock sound, and he has no idea why.
Across the room, Logan approaches Veronica and asks if she's "checking out the talent." And either Dohring barely got that line out without cracking up or...is Logan smiling? For no reason? If Parker's this good, we may need her mood-altering skills to be put to use for the greater good. Particularly if a certain surly senator from Arizona ends up inside the Oval Office. Veronica asks the question on all of our minds: "How is it you have so many friends? You don't even like people." I'd be more shocked to find out that people like Logan, but I guess I have always underestimated the charm of mumbly, anti-social sourpusses. He says he was prepared to see her with a date tonight, and she tries to laugh that off. He says that maybe she should try "branching out," though. See if there's anyone worth a second look at the party tonight.
Mac and Max and the sofa of geek love. Which reminds me that the last time I enthused about Mac and a geeky love interest, the guy ended up being a mass-murdering psycho. Of course, Max is way cuter than the Beav, so: reservations quelled! Anyway, the law of reciprocal communication means that we're now talking about Max's nefarious activities. No, not the hooker thing. The selling tests thing. He says that between curriculum changes and new TAs to bribe, it can get exhausting. "Tell me you're a business major," she laughs. Nope: philosophy. "I think, therefore I am," he says, which elicits a heap of giggles from Mac. Max looks at her for a long moment, then goes, "Seriously, did my friends hire you?" It's not that dumb of a question. I mean, "I think, therefore I am"? Mac might need to raise her standards for comedy a smidge.
Some overly coiffed Swingers reject approaches Veronica and says that Logan told him she was a "big-time swing dancer." Over the dude's shoulder, Logan raises his drink with a smirk. It's a funny prank if you're not pulling it on your own ex-girlfriend who's pretty clearly not entirely over you yet. In which case it's kind of a dick move. Speaking of which, Dick exposits to Logan that his MySpace dates are into a "doublemint" situation, and they sent him on a search for some "playthings." "Do we have any peanut oil?" he asks. Bad idea! If I can't have peanuts on an airplane because of fears about peanut allergies, Dick definitely has to opt for the canola oil here. Nobody wants the fun, sexy atmosphere of a threesome interrupted by a downer like anaphylactic shock. "What about an ice bucket?" Dick asks. thing we know, Dick's down at the ice machine, filling up, when a stopper gets wedged beneath the ice room door by a rather stylish open-toed shoe. When Dick turns around to see who's locked him in, he sees Amazon, who tells him "Lisa is a friend of mine." "Who's Lisa?" Dick asks. Lisa is ScarNOTo, who calls Dick a "dipwad" (score one for Lisa) and says the time he's "perving" her profile, he might want to check out her friends list, not just her pics. Then the two girls saunter off down the hall and into the elevator...where they start making out as the doors close. At which point Dick really wishes he'd have grabbed that oil instead of the ice.
Over at the Triangle D'Pimp-Juice, Miranda is clearly vibing on Piz, telling him that she listens to his radio show, and touching his arm, and being generally all up in his area. Wallace looks disappointed but also secretly happy his buddy is getting his swerve back. ..."Back"? That's not the right word. He's developing a swerve for the first time, which is of course a very special time in a young man's life. And just then, like a kamikaze of blonde self-centeredness, Veronica goes shooting into his arms with a "There you are!" She whispers to him that this is an emergency situation and he has to pretend to be her boyfriend so Double Down Trent over there will leave her alone. Piz, the schmuck, is all too happy to play along, which about causes Wallace's eyeballs to roll clear out of his head. After Piz heads off to fetch his "lady" a drink, Wallace pulls Veronica aside for the come to Jesus. "What you're doing is cruel," he says. And he's not talking about the lounge lizard. He tells her that Piz has a thing for her and she's smart enough to recognize that, and if she's a good person, she'll put the kid out of his misery. Veronica looks like she gets it just before Piz returns with drinks and Wallace returns to Miranda. Hey, he's a good friend, but he's not that good of a friend.
Veronica beckons Piz to the balcony for some air. She begins a combination apology/clearing the air/letting him down easy speech about how she's been caught up in her own romantic drama and their signals may have gotten crossed and -- and that's when Piz leans in and plants one on her. Man, I really have to compliment that romanticism and sexiness of that right there. Then again, the people on the boards are right, it's totally akin to sexual assault, Piz just cutting Veronica off and kissing her without indicating or asking or getting the required forms to HR by the 5:00 PM deadline. What an asshole. Okay, pardon my sarcasm and all. But just because the Logan/Veronica fandom has decreed Piz to be the Riley in this situation doesn't mean he's a sexual assaulter right here. Besides, that would make him the Spike. He kisses her, he smiles, he walks away. The "all in" callback as he passes Wallace is clearly criminal, but nothing else is. There are grips that really need to be gotten.
Back on the balcony, Veronica's looking like something just dawned on her. That something may be the fact that Piz is totally cute and funny, but that could also just be me. And before I can even begin to worry that this will be like when Ross pined for Rachel on Friends for a season only to follow that with a second season of Rachel pining for Ross (and third through tenth seasons of the same, but regardless), Veronica follows Piz out to the elevators and kisses him right back. Yay! And then the elevator doors open to reveal Logan! YAY! Veronica looks guilty but not entirely regretful as Logan brushes past without giving her the satisfaction of a scowl. As I said in the recaplet: suck on THAT, Bumfights.