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Keith is quizzing Veronica for her imminent FBI test. She aces it, of course. Other happenings under the Mars roof include Piz and Veronica playing footsie while reading a book called Soldier Of Misfortune, written by a onetime child soldier from Uganda, now a Hearst student. Piz interviews him for his radio show, and the guy, "Apollo," talks about how he was brainwashed into being a killing machine. He gives a lot of credit to his female adviser, who's known him for years. Someone who apparently hasn't known him for quite that long is a mysterious caller to Mars Investigations (now in Veronica's care), who says he thinks Apollo is his son. Veronica has a disturbing interview with Apollo, and in the course of it, she's able to confirm the father's story. Veronica then gets busted for faking the interview, so she comes clean to Apollo, who's unhappy about the potential parenthood. So unhappy that he disappears, and in looking for him, Veronica discovers that Apollo's book is a lie -- he was never conscripted. However, Wallace points out to Veronica that if she exposes him as a fraud, the good his book has done will be nullified. Apollo agrees to the paternity test, but his possible dad doesn't show. Twist Number One: Apollo actually did write the book, and was just testing the guy to see if he was after his money. Twist Number Two: The guy was just detained, and is actually his dad. So he's rich and no longer an orphan! It's a good day to be named after a Greek god.
With the election two weeks away, burglaries are up in the '09, Keith hauls in a guy he comes to suspect is working for the Fitzpatricks, and soon Liam Fitzpatrick is stopping by for a chat. He tells Keith that the robberies aren't going to stop until he gets the money he's owed from Kendall and Cormac, and not to get too comfy in the office. Keith realizes that Vinnie is colluding with the Fitzpatricks, but it's not clear that he's going to be able to do anything about it.
In Relationship Land, Piz gets a sweet music internship in New York, but is un-psyched that Veronica isn't more broken up about their potential separation. In a similar vein, Parker's parents show up, and they're about as pleasant as we remember her mom being after Parker got raped. Logan offers Parker his suite, but not in the way she hoped: he's going to South America for the entire summer with Dick. Parker goes to Veronica (!) for advice, and Veronica gives the only possible "What can I tell you?" answer. Mac and Max are hanging, but when Max tells her he plans on not studying until he gets expelled, she has second thoughts about the wisdom of their relationship. But she does stay with him for the moment. Also, Logan changes his tune and invites Parker to South America, albeit not enthusiastically. But Dick's dad returns, saying that he turned himself in, and will be going to jail for a year in a couple months. He wants to spend the interim with Dick, pulling Dick neatly off the surf trip. Dick finally breaks down at his dad about Beaver's death (in the process calling him "Cassidy," amazingly), but Dick decides to stay around, prompting Logan to can the trip, much to Parker's dismay. And Veronica gets the summer internship in Virginia, causing Piz to go all boo-boo-kitty again. It's rough dating Veronica, Piz -- haven't you been watching Logan all season? Want more? The full recap starts right below!
So several people pointed out to me that at the gig last episode, it was actually Veronica that took Piz's hand. I think I must have been so overcome with anti-Piz rage that I couldn't actually see what was going on -- I hear that can happen. Either that, or my TV is too dark and I was way too close to finished with the recap to pay proper attention. But I think I'm going with anti-Piz rage. ROOWWWWR! Die, Beaverton!
Oh, I never mention previouslies, but this week is notable in that there aren't any. So in a way, I'm continuing not to mention them.
Veronica and Piz are sitting up in her bed (fully clothed, except for shoes) with their feet intertwined, playfully shoving each other with their elbows. If you're thinking of cringing at the method of displaying affection, I'd advise you to save it for Max's later Pamplona evocation. Piz and Veronica are each reading a copy of a book called Soldier Of Misfortune, and Logan's going to be pissed when he finds out there's a copyright issue with the title of his autobiography. Keith bursts in with a legal trivia question for Veronica, who doesn't bother looking up as she supplies him with the correct answer. Keith leaves just as quickly as he came, and Piz, kind of weirded out, asks what that display was. It was Keith acting like a speed freak, a legal dictionary, and a jack-in-the-box rolled into one. Veronica explains that she's taking her "PI exam" the day. And she...hadn't told Piz about that until this moment? I don't often mind when they have to get the exposition in, but that felt particularly clumsy. Veronica goes on that she's going to beat her dad's score, and then "dine on the shared knowledge for a lifetime." That, or a supply of crow that I suspect isn't going to run out any time soon either. But, you know, whichever.
Keith pops back in and gets another correct answer and an admonition to bug Piz for a while. Keith amicably asks what Piz is studying, and Piz explains that the book he's reading is by a Hearst student named Apollo Bukenya, who was a child soldier in Uganda, never knew his father, and was forced to start killing when he was six years old. Now, as many people probably know, this storyline is based in truth, ("Invisible Children" is the commonly used moniker), and given the horrifying subject matter, I'm a lot more inclined to give any PSAs more of a pass than I would have (and Joe R did) on the "The Less You Know" (HEE, Joe) plotline of two weeks ago. But let's see how this goes. Piz adds that Apollo's mom was killed by the Rebel Army, and he never knew his dad, but Apollo managed to escape as a teenager and get to the U.S. He wraps up by saying that he's interviewing Apollo on his radio show tomorrow, and Veronica chimes in that the book's been optioned into a movie, plus Apollo is going on Oprah. "But Piz got him first!" Enjoy it while you can, Piz, before Oprah tears you into A Million Little Pieces. Keith tells Veronica that it's nice that one of her "gentleman callers" has more to talk about than how high the waves are breaking. Ouch for Logan, although given his plotline this episode, he makes it tough to argue the point. Still, I think it's in fairly poor taste to mock the recent ex with the current boyfriend in the room, and Veronica's facial expression heartily concurs. When Keith's gone, Piz is scared that the fact that Keith likes him is "the kiss of death," and I know I heard the words "if only" coming from the internet immediately following. Poor Piz is so in over his head. Remember when all he did was ogle chicks in a non-threatening way? In other words, when he was called "Wallace"?
In the other room, Keith exasperatedly fields a call, and then we cut to the sheriff's station, where he's telling his crew that they just learned of the 09's seventh home burglary in the past thirteen days. It's nice of them to give us a slow pan across the deputies, just so we can be crystal clear that Leo isn't there. And no offense to the hardworking force, but he would really be upping their looks quotient here. Seriously, though, you hire him in Episode 17, and he's not around in 18 for this storyline? Keith says that in six of the seven cases, the burglars stole a car from the victims as well, but in one case they retrieved the car, and its plates had been switched with the blah blah this is getting boring. Keith deploys his men; end of story.
In the exam, extras are struggling. Just because you can't talk is no reason not to learn to read, kids. Veronica, however, is merrily zipping through the test...
...and then she's out in the courtyard, in which a job fair is in full swing. VMVO says that as far as the job she's waiting on goes, she "would have been better off buying a lottery ticket." Well, I can see why you're staying away from them, Veronica. I mean, you dated two of them, and things ended in tears both times.
Veronica quietly enters the radio booth, wherein Apollo is telling his story. Apollo looks a bit like a young Tony Todd, so there's another name I can't say five times while looking in a mirror. Piz waves to Veronica but motions for her to keep quiet as Apollo says that due to the brainwashing he endured, he was left with "not just the ability, but the appetite, to kill." Yeah, not loudly interrupting him is probably the better part of valor here. Piz takes over and tells us that Apollo dedicated his book to his adviser at Hearst, who just happens to be in the booth with them. Apollo smiles as he says there would be no book without her, and we learn that they knew each other before he came to Hearst -- she read a short story he wrote when he was fifteen, she called him, and she's been his friend and mentor ever since. Just so I don't forget to mention it, good red herring here -- I was sure there was going to be a nefarious side to this relationship. Piz kicks it to the professor, and she graciously and sincerely says that Apollo has taught her much more than she's taught him. And what good is a literature professor who doesn't know how to assemble an assault rifle?
After the show, Veronica calls Piz a rock star and threatens to throw her panties at him. He counteroffers autographing her with a Sharpie instead, and you know what they call that? Chemizzzzztry. But we can forgive Piz for being the only eighteen-year-old at Hearst without total focus on sex, as he tells Veronica he got offered a sweet summer internship with the crème-de-la-crème of internet music review publications. Working for the best of the internet review sites? That's got to be embarrassing. ["If I'm thinking of the right allegedly creamy internet music review publication, he should hope he's being paid by the unintelligible word." -- Miss Alli] Veronica is genuinely thrilled for Piz, and gets no less so when he tells her the job is in New York. She hugs him, and he looks shattered. Okay, Piz, I've liked you all season, but seriously? This is your dream. Maybe have some passion for it independent of your perception of whether your girlfriend of five minutes is sufficiently sad about your temporary separation? Sheesh.
Sacks tells Keith that Veronica's on the phone for him, and she reports that she got a 95, beating him by two points. Feet up on Keith's desk, she gives an ill-advised gloating speech until Keith has her look in his middle drawer, which contains his PI test, on which he actually got a 97. "Sweetie, maybe you should go sit back down at the receptionist's desk." Hee. I do so love it when Keith scores points, so to speak, off Veronica. Veronica is saved by an incoming call, which she answers with a proud "Detective Mars speaking." A guy on the other end with a similar accent to Apollo's says he believes he's become aware of the son he never thought he had, but he needs proof. The boy? Apollo. Veronica and I both decide that making a Zeus joke is beneath us, opting instead to stay silent into the opening credits.
Wallace is reading a passage from the book to Veronica about how Apollo's mother told him to go with the soldiers, and she never saw him again. This is a scenario that's been told in both truth and fiction time out of mind, and never gets less chilling, so I admit I'm feeling a sense of investment here. Veronica earnestly says it'll mean that much more if she can reunite father and son here. Wallace is suspicious of the timing, and he wonders whether this guy might be pulling a scam to get some money from Apollo. Veronica says it's not like that, and she goes on that "Kizza" e-mailed her a PDF of a letter he claims was written by Apollo's mom, so all she has to do is obtain from Apollo a sample of mom's handwriting. She does mention, however, that she's taking the case pro bono, as Kizza is pretty destitute, and then she changes gears and says for Wallace to tell Piz that he missed out on some action. Wallace: "He's a good guy, Veronica. Try not to rip out his heart." Well, when you dangle it by a thread right in front of her hand, it's hard to resist the temptation.
Keith is interrogating a sullen plug-ugly named Tommy about the robberies, as Tommy was caught with jewelry from two different victims in his possession. He asks a question, but an unmistakable voice cuts in from off-screen: "Don't answer that." It's Cliff, once again back on the side of the seedy. It's just too bad Tommy isn't the hundredth bit as amusing as Loretta Cancun. Keith gets nowhere until Tommy leans back with his arms behind his head, at which point we can see that he's got a shamrock tattooed on his right bicep. That's all Keith needs to conclude that Tommy is anxious to get back to the River Stix and the Fitzpatricks. Keith leaves in a hurry, leaving an unhappy Tommy in his wake. He's probably not so jazzed about the bar now, given that it gives Liam such handy access to pool cues.
Veronica catches Apollo outside a class and says she'd like to interview him for the Hearst Free Press. The girl on Apollo's arm encourages him to do it, and he says he's free later that day.
In the cafeteria, Logan and Parker are eating with Parker's parents. We remember, of course, how horrible her mother was after Parker got raped, but we haven't met Dad, who's ranting about how white flour is essentially poison. Parker jovially says she relies on her morning bagel. Dad: "Which is exactly why you need to be without it." Well, at least we know there's no humor imbalance in this marriage. Dad shoots Parker down again in this vein, exposits that the second half of the summer will be spent at "Aunt Louise's," and then asks Logan what kind of career he's pursuing. It's probably not the best time to bring up Grade My Ass, but I'd neither put it past Logan nor blame him for doing so in this particular case.
Veronica reaches Apollo's room just as some cute dude with some sort of British Imperial accent emerges. He tells Apollo he's got a visitor as he heads out. Veronica enters and sits down as Apollo asks her not to do her story on how much he loves playing Grand Theft Auto. Yes, not only would it diminish his serious credibility, but given Kizza's vocation, he would not be amused.
Later, Apollo is telling horror stories about his experiences in the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army), including how he was forced to take drugs that primed him to fight, but he managed to vomit them up and use cleverness to stay alive. "What's that Survivor slogan? 'Outwit, outplay, outlast'?" Well, yes, if you're talking about, say, Yul or Yau Man. If it's Lisi, only the "out" is really relevant. I will say, though, that the mention of Apollo's cleverness is a nice touch given the web of deception he weaves later in the episode. Apollo then asks if Veronica has more questions, and she has to recover for a moment before asking him about the days before his conscription.
Parker flops down on Logan's couch as he jokes that he thinks her parents liked him. She good-naturedly says that she doubts he "survived the Googling," which is ironic, because I have the feeling that if I were to Google the name "Logan Echolls," I might not be long for this world myself. Logan lifts her up and sits underneath her, and they're couply for a moment until Logan offers her the chance to escape her parents by staying "here." She's kind of blown away, as she thinks he's asking her to move in together, but he has to tell her that he's going to be away surfing with Dick in South America all summer. I don't know why they'd bother going all the way down there right at the height of the Southern Hemisphere's winter, but I never said I understood surfers anyway. Logan says he thought she was going to be in Denver, but she points out that that's only a couple hours away, and she thought they'd see each other. I'd like to get pissed at Parker here too, but I can't; she's been with Logan longer, so you'd think he'd at least have mentioned it without being forced to, and besides, it's not her OWN PLANS that are causing her dismay. Not to mention that she's at least speaking up instead of being all emo for the cameras. How did this paragraph turn into a detailed report on how I now like Piz the least of any point this season? Logan steadfastly refuses to acknowledge her point. "It's a surf trip, Parker. It has nothing to do with us." Logan, I buy that argument about as much as when the surf trip was a coma baby and you were Duncan. And frankly, I like it about as much, too.
We're still in the interview, as Apollo is telling Veronica that his "best friend James" told him that after he was taken, his mother came to the camp to beg them to give Apollo back to her. Veronica looks deeply affected, and it's not too much of a leap to think that someone else's mother tragedy would be very resonant for her indeed. He goes on to say that when they saw that James knew Apollo's mother, they made him shoot her. If you haven't seen a pretty obscure Danish movie called Brothers, I highly recommend it, and that's all I have to say on that subject. Veronica's overwhelmed, but she pulls it together to ask if Apollo has anything of his mom's. He does, in fact, have a shopping list his mom wrote for him on the day he was captured. I'd say that six years old seems a little young to be going to the market on your own, but that somehow seems to pale in comparison here. Apollo gets the list for Veronica, who fakes a need for better light to gain the opportunity to look at it with her back to him. She sneakily compares the samples, and VMVO notes, "A perfect match." Ooh, just like you and Piz! (My TWoP mail is broken at the moment, so I figure, what the hell?)
I wasn't kidding there, by the way -- my mail was out for a few days earlier in the week, so if you tried me and I didn't respond, that's why.
In the Hearst library, Parker has gotten Veronica's permission to unburden herself about Logan. And you'd think this would be weird, but in practice, it really isn't -- maybe it's partially her new thing with Piz, but Veronica seems truly okay with Logan and Parker for the first time here. Anyway, Parker tells Veronica about the trip, and asks if that's how Logan is, or only how he is with her. Veronica says that's how he is, of course having had bad associations with Logan and surfing trips. Dick's presence isn't going to help matters, either. Veronica then clunkily asks if Mac isn't around for girl talk, as if it weren't obvious that Parker's looking for advice from an ex, and I know they've been hanging out, but I still hope to God that "LoMac" not only hasn't but never will be realized. Parker's says Mac has fallen into the "black hole" of new love. "She only comes up for air." I see the censors leave for the summer early around here.
Mac opens the door to Max's room and retrieves a pizza from the delivery guy, and then sits with Max on the bed and says she has to go to classes the day, as she's getting lost in the "sex, nap, eat, repeat" loop. Well, that pizza looks pretty good, but I could have done without hearing about the rest of it. Particularly since Max isn't wearing his glasses, which is not a good look (ooh, sorry) for him. As long as I'm on the subject, I couldn't care less about Mac's Minor Relationship Issues; I enjoy her character and I'm glad she's back to having fun, but I fail to see what they have to do with any overarching story the show is trying to tell, and I don't need to see them on screen at all. So, short version: Mac is dismayed that Max hasn't been to class since February and has no intention of doing anything to ward off expulsion. If you'll forgive my eight-year-old-girl imitation, whoop-te-do!
Veronica's looking on a shelf when she spies Logan lurking in the row over. She starts to banter a little about Logan learning Portuguese, but Logan somewhat pissily asks how she knows about the trip. Veronica admits that Parker mentioned it, and neutrally says Parker was bummed he didn't tell her about it earlier. Logan remains somewhat shirty, and he's clearly more put out that Veronica was comfortable talking to Parker about him than anything else. Veronica concludes by saying she told Parker that that's just how Logan is, leaving Logan to look all upset. I don't know what all the fuss about Veronica's choice between Logan and Piz is -- in this episode, they're basically the same person.
Speaking of, Piz finds Veronica in the cafeteria and tells her that he scored another internship offer -- with a radio station right in Neptune. He lists the pros and cons of both choices, but with a clear undercurrent of "let's make the choice together in the context of our relationship," and God, can't Veronica and Parker go off together and leave the rest of these whiny bitches behind? Veronica pragmatically asks what he wants to do when he grows up, and Piz confesses it's radio, so she counsels him to take the Neptune position. Piz looks happy that she said that but not as happy as he would have been if she'd inserted her personal feelings into the equation. Chris Lowell is hitting all the right notes here, but it's the notes themselves that are pissing me off. Veronica takes a phone call, and it's Kizza, whom she asks if he can catch the red-eye. Hon, you went to New York last summer, and thus have no excuse not to know that THE RED-EYE GOES IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. God!
Veronica calls Apollo and says she needs to talk to him. He says that's convenient, as he wanted to talk to her too, so she should come to the library.
Ooh, Liam Fitzpatrick shows up to talk to Keith. Liam sits, and Keith tells him about his arrest of Tommy Shaw. Liam sunnily says he hasn't seen Tommy since his mother's wake, "back in aught five." Keith points out that Liam is working his third strike, and threatens to keep picking off his flunkies until he finds one that will trade him ten years for Liam's name. You know, cat-and-mouse games are fun, but I hope we're not forgetting that Liam pulled the trigger of a gun he thought was loaded and had pointed at Keith. I know I was complaining about relationship tension, but I think this scene could have used a little more of it. Liam counters with the point that if the robberies don't stop, Keith may be back out of the uniform soon, but they might cease if he were to, say, find out what happened to Kendall and his money. Keith opines that Cormac buried Kendall in a shallow grave. As for the money, he says it was never Liam's. And all this reminds me that a poster pointed out that Vinnie was working for Liam way back in the season premiere, so the whole thing with Vinnie and Danny Boyd last episode is even fishier than I thought. And also, Keith knows this, so his big revelation later in the episode makes him look like a total dimwit. I know this is supposed to be a stand-alone episode, but there's got to be a better way to do it without making poor Continuity cry. He's not used to it on this show. Anyway, Liam gets to his feet, tells Keith he wouldn't bother unpacking, and leaves.
Veronica arrives at the library, only to find Apollo sitting with Wilson, herFreePresseditor. Caught in a lie! She is so getting voted off at the Tribal Council.
So here's the thing: It's at this point in the recap that I found out that the show is officially canceled. And while any future show I may do will almost necessarily be much easier both to recap and to moderate, I'm still going to miss it terribly. I feel a little bad, given the circumstances, about being so harsh about the relationship stuff, but them is, as they say, the breaks. However, you all know how I feel; I'll try not to beat the point to death. I'll just focus on the fact that I have to give the show a proper eulogy week while recapping A TWO-HOUR SERIES FINALE ON A HOLIDAY WEEKEND WHEN I'M GOING OUT OF TOWN. There. Piz and Parker who?
Wilson leaves the two of them to talk, so Veronica comes clean about Kizza. She produces the letter, saying it's from Apollo's mom and it tells Kizza that he should leave Uganda, but not that she was pregnant. Apollo, upset, says his hometown paper printed the grocery list, and Kizza must have forged the letter. Veronica says they'll just prove the paternity via a blood test. Apollo, on his way out the door: "No, we won't." Veronica, in his defense, even Greek gods aren't crazy about needles.
Mac walks with Veronica; she likes Max's entrepreneurial spirit, but not his lack of drive. That's about it. In the interests of saying something nice, though, I don't think it was ever mentioned that it was a nice touch that Max turned out to be a philosophy major after his deeming Veronica's plagiarism conundrum "Kafka-esque." Hee. Max asks how "Pizneyland" is treating her, and she says there's no roller coaster, "but I think I can do without the adrenaline and nausea." Honey, you won't need a roller coaster if you're serious about making Mac's little name stick. Or at least I won't.
Mars Investigations. Veronica tries Apollo, but she gets his roommate, who says Apollo's not around, but maybe she should try his friend Zeke Melinda. Great, on top of the cancellation, you had to mention poor Melinda heading back home to the end of the rainbow. ["And taking your chances of winning the pool with her. HA HA HA." -- Miss Alli] The roommate then backtracks, saying that he thinks Apollo and Melinda had a falling out, and he suggests the adviser just as Kizza enters, causing Veronica to hang up in a rush. Kizza's aghast at Veronica's age, and even more aghast at the big kitty she has on the end of her pen. Heh.
At the sheriff's station, some guy is telling Keith that the homeowners' association of which he's a part is suggesting they bring in Vinnie, "see what he's all about." He's all about unmitigated opportunism and the jacket label that's the biggest combo of retro and uncool in the world. Am I painting you a picture? Sacks brings Keith a folder, and after a quick look, Keith asks "Carl" what kind of home security system he has. Upon hearing the answer "Safehouse," Keith suggests, "You might want to replace it." And sue them for false advertising to boot!
Logan catches Parker in the quad and says he wants to talk about the surf trip. Parker: "Kissing is cheating. And what I don't know? Will hurt me!" Hey, Parker, what happened to the old standby "What happens in [location] stays in [location]"? The example in this case would be "South America." Well, another example would be "Logan's ass," but that's where the staying part becomes more figurative. Logan invites Parker to come with him; now that he's thought about it..."I have to process things. That's just what I'm like." Very true. Of course, said processing usually occurs when he's nursing bloody knuckles, a raging hangover, or both. Anyway, Parker squeals and hugs Logan, who's playing a zero-sum game with her in the happiness department.
Veronica catches the girl Apollo was with earlier, who tells her that Apollo is avoiding Veronica, but the girl sympathizes with Veronica's position, and when she sees Apollo again, she'll work on him. Veronica smiles in gratitude and takes off...
...to see the adviser, who says she hasn't seen him and is starting to worry...
...and then Veronica's out at the job fair, where she approaches a tent with a sign that says "African Student Alliance." It's being manned by the aforementioned Zeke, who tells her he and Apollo don't talk anymore. Veronica says she knows, but she's down to her last option, so Zeke, in a lower voice, tells her that Apollo's adviser was the one that wrote Soldier Of Misfortune. "He knows it, and he knows I know it." I'd ask if he knows you know he knows, but I don't want this show to turn into an episode of Friends at the eleventh hour. Veronica asks if that means Apollo told his adviser his life story and she wrote the book based on it, but Zeke tells her no: "The stories in the book are true for many others. They simply didn't happen to him! He was never conscripted." Veronica looks floored as we head to commercial, and I don't blame her. I mean, lying for profit, Veronica? Well, you never!
In his room, Veronica is telling Wallace what Zeke said -- he was Apollo's roommate, but until Apollo's book came out, he never said anything about being a child soldier, despite having revealed many other things about his life. She asks what she should do, and a pensive Wallace suggests nothing. He name-checks Invisible Children, which is perfectly fine with me, and suggests that if Veronica destroys Apollo's credibility, she'll undo all the good that his book has done. And this kind of moral dilemma is Veronica Mars at its best, so good work here, and it's also nice that Wallace is pointing out the side of bigger-picture righteousness, which feels like old times. Veronica then gets a call from the girlfriend, who says she just saw Apollo, and he's on his way back to his room. Oh, I should mention that Apollo's girlfriend is named Olympia. I'd be laughing if the cancellation weren't such a Greek tragedy.
Veronica arrives at Apollo's room to find him in an agitated conversation involving money and "So they're just going to pull the plug, just like that." Lines like that can make you believe in jinxes. Apollo hangs up, looks upset, notices Veronica, and asks for a second to grab his laundry. He leaves, and Veronica takes the opportunity to grab his phone and hit redial. A female voice answers with the name of a studio, and VMVO concludes, "Looks like Soldier Of Misfortune won't be coming to a theater near you." Apollo returns and says Olympia convinced him to take the blood test. Veronica is only too happy to arrange it.
Dick returns to the suite and hears a voice from the balcony: "Hello, son." And here Ryan Hansen thought he'd skate through the rest of the series without being called "Little Dick" again. But no: Big Dick Casablancas has returned; he turned himself in, and he has a couple months before he pays his "debt to society." I think his shareholders probably care more about his debt to them, and I'm not even fazed by the fact that Little Dick agrees with me. Little Dick scoffs at the fact that Big Dick is only going to be put away for a year, and mentions how he's going to be gone for most of the summer. Big Dick, though, wants to spend time with Little Dick, and gets a little heated: "This is the only chance you have to be with your father, and you're talking about a surf trip?" Dude, if I were in his position, I'd talk about a surf trip too, and the only thing I know about surfing is that sex wax has something to do with it. Big Dick is still hot, though.
Veronica tells Kizza that Apollo is not so much going to be rich, so if he tracked him down smelling cash, he might as well take the red-eye home, IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION MY GOD. Kizza emotionally tells Veronica that he came to New York to survive, and he drives a cab, but he's been alone for twenty-one years, and if Apollo is his son, Kizza wants to be there to comfort him.
Odd cut to sometime later -- we're still at Mars Investigations, but Apollo is getting his blood drawn. Did Kizza go pick up some overnight gypsy work? Apollo suggests that Kizza isn't coming, and in a nice touch, Veronica is distracted, no doubt remembering her own experience with paternity tests. She says Kizza will be there.
Vinnie, in a suit, is at the sheriff's station, being overly cocky (in more than one sense, given the joke about his "big tent") as usual. Keith brings up Safehouse, and Vinnie admits he did some "consulting work" for them, prompting Keith to accuse him of colluding with the Fitzpatricks. And as I said earlier, like, HELLO. Vinnie asks if he can prove it, and leaves.
Apollo says it's been an hour, and Veronica apologizes, but he tells her he expects nothing, so he's rarely disappointed. I should mention that the actor has been playing Apollo, for the most part, with a decided lack of affect; however, I could see where a guy who had been trained to kill at age six would have untrained himself by getting as unemotional and analytical as possible (think Vulcan!) and so I don't put that down to a failure of the actor. Or at least I don't necessarily put it down to that. Veronica rides her I Know What You're Going Through face into the last commercial break.
Apollo asks Veronica whether she told Kizza that he was a fraud and wouldn't be coming into any money, and Veronica admits that she did. Apollo gets up to go as he thanks her for doing her part, and Veronica gets an I Don't Like How That Sounds look as she asks what he means. Apollo informs her that everything she told Kizza was "disinformation. To separate those I can trust from those I can't." Given the life he's led, I can forgive him a little grandeur. Apollo heads for the door, but Veronica stops him when she gets a phone call from Keith saying he's got Kizza downtown; he was picked up driving a rental with plates from a stolen car. Heh.
With Veronica in tow, Apollo uncertainly enters an interrogation room, where he finds a beaming Kizza. Kizza tells Apollo that he's not surprised his mother named him for the god of music, as she had a book of mythology that she prized. Apollo's overwhelmed as he remembers that that was the book she used to teach him how to read. The tears flow on both sides of the fourth wall as father and son embrace, and Kizza excitedly asks if Apollo would like to hear about his mother. Again, props to the show for leaving it to Kristen Bell's acting to tell us that a Lost Mother storyline is going to be especially affecting for her. I do enjoy the silence.
Wallace signs up to go to Africa to help the Invisible Children movement (probably for the summer, although it's not stated). Wow, good for him. Screw mechanical engineering and basketball!
Mac enters Max's room with some pamphlets from the job fair, so he has to tell her that he's pulling in about fifteen hundred a week doing something that he likes, and he's going to be doing it for a while. Wow, Max, was your smile always that cute? Mac says that that does change things, but she's not sure how much, and she wants to keep seeing him. However, she needs to start going to classes again. Great. Are we out of this scene yet? No, first Max has to do a horribly embarrassing imitation of a bull charging Mac, complete with finger-horns. Max, keep your tax-free money; you're dead to me.
Big Dick is settling into his suite when Little Dick comes charging in. He hotly tells Big Dick that the Grand is where Beaver died. "I walk by the spot he's splattered on every day!" Well, I know it doesn't rain much in Southern California, but that still seems pretty extreme. He asks Big Dick if he ever thinks that Beaver killed those people because of them. "We used to have contests to see which one of us could make him cry!" He yells that he can barely live with himself sometimes, and it's much easier when Big Dick isn't around. I love seeing this side of Ryan Hansen's abilities, but I feel like they cut out of this scene just as it was getting good. I mean, we've been waiting the entire season for this; it feels like they could have spared more than twenty seconds here, especially since...
...Dick, still upset, enters Logan's suite and bows out of the trip. I wanted to see him change his mind; that last scene didn't have time to turn, which is very frustrating. Logan says he gets it, and Dohring once again shows his mettle by putting sympathy, but not empathy, into his voice. Dick apologizes for screwing up Logan's summer...
...and then Logan is showing up at Parker's and telling her the trip's off; without Dick splitting the bill, it'll be kind of expensive, and besides, it was something he and Dick were planning together. Parker's face is a mask of disappointment as she says she guesses she's going to Denver. I do not understand this dynamic at all. You were super-psyched about dating her, then as soon as Veronica starts with Piz, everything tastes like ashes and the sun goes dark in your eyes? You had to drag my girl Parker into your tear-stained emo web? I've liked your character most of this season! Get it together, dipshit!
Chez Mars. Keith, Veronica, and Piz are watching a nauseatingly faux-sincere commercial of Vinnie's, the salient point of which is that Vinnie has been endorsed by the Neptune Homeowners' Association. Veronica reports that a blood test confirmed that Kizza and Apollo are father and son, and then Keith answers the phone and then hands it off to Veronica, who freaks shit when she finds out that she's been chosen for the FBI internship. Keith is equally thrilled, although he still amusingly rubs in the fact that he outscored her on the test, and then it's Piz's turn: "It's in Virginia, right?" I'm not going to dignify that subtext with an answer. SHUT UP, relationships!
Bell, Dohring, and Hansen give a PSA for Invisible Children.
All right, I got all the snark out before what's sure to be a two-part love fest. See you , and last, time.