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What a difference a week makes. Keith has Logan and Veronica over for dinner, and while it doesn't go that badly, the nervous breakdown Veronica almost has is probably enough to stop her from agreeing to it again. Laura San Giacomo shows up for a big Just Shoot Me reunion, and tells Keith she thinks her husband's having an affair. She already seems pretty checked out of the marriage, though, and gets more so as she and Keith share pizza and embarrassing Veronica stories. It turns out that Laura's husband's heart is true, but it looks like certain seeds have been sown. Which may, of course, lead to certain other seeds being sown. Logan is informed that his trust fund is running low, and he asks Veronica to help him find out if his accountant has been skimming anything. Keith has his accountant look into it, and discovers that Haaron's former business manager has been siphoning off ten grand a month of Logan's money. Veronica follows the trail a long way to discover that the money is, in fact, going to Logan's half-brother, which just goes to prove that I am as capable of forgetting spoilers as I am of everything else. Logan calls the brother, Charlie (played by Matt Czuchry, Logan on Gilmore Girls, and okay, heh), and they have an awkward but positive-seeming first contact. While Logan is telling Charlie his deep dark secrets, though, Veronica is discovering that the guy is a reporter posing as the brother for a story. Logan mistakenly thinks that the real Charlie pointed Gilmore Logan in VM Logan's direction, so he outs real Charlie on Larry King. Logan learns that Gilmore Logan acted solo, though, so our Logan tearily tries again to reach out to the real Charlie, with undetermined results. Finally, Parker, still bitter, is dismissive of Veronica, but Veronica pushes her way in to see her and informs her that she, too, was raped -- in the summer of 2004. Well, points for the effort, I guess. Nish interrupts and asks Parker some questions, and publishes an article pointing the finger at the Pi Sigs, since they had a party on every night a girl was raped. The boys counter by sending Dick to hire Veronica to clear them, and Veronica, thinking to further her own investigation, accepts the assignment, but not before charging them a rather spendier fee than normal. At this rate, she'll be out of the library pretty darn quick. Veronica, with grudging help from the smarmy Chip, pokes around at the frat house, where Parker, participating in a protest outside the building, unfortunately sees her and goes cold again, but not before casting some real suspicion on Dick. However, Veronica's able to prove that Claire, the last rape victim, was with some Asian guy not in the frat close before the rape, so it looks like the Pi Sigs are cleared, much to the dismay of the protest girls. In the end, Veronica tells Parker to get over herself and let Veronica find the actual truth, and while I like Parker, I have to give that one my total agreement. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Before I start, I'm told the episode title is both an Apocalypse Now reference and a lyric from a Clash song. You can decide for yourself which one fits the story better.
In the Mars kitchen, Keith is cutting up some vegetables as Veronica nervously opines that "this" idea of Keith's is a bad one. Keith: "Math, sweetie. Me plus idea equals good." If you listen really closely, you can hear Kendall doing an incredulous spit-take on her third martini of the afternoon up in heaven. (She and Lynn Echolls are total BFFs, by the way.) There's a knock at the door, and Veronica and Keith exchange an amusing glance before Veronica opens the door to find Logan, who asks, "You were expecting Sidney Poitier?" Veronica steps out onto the patio and closes the door. "No jokes. No innuendos, no quips, don't even think of alluding to having seen me naked, or having touched any part of my body that does not have fingers!" Time is at a premium on television, Veronica, and you could have saved some by just telling him not to talk. Logan promises not to say anything bad, and they enter, hand in hand.
Cut to Keith asking Logan how school's going. Logan replies that he's not hating it, and Veronica gives a tight-lipped, dorky smile and nod, like "See, Dad? He's not so bad? Now can we cut out right in the middle of dinner so we can preserve that impression?" Logan starts to say his grades aren't so hot, but Veronica cuts him off and tells Keith that Hearst let him in late because of his high test scores. I'm not saying Logan's not intelligent, but I don't think he really committed a lot of time to studying for standardized tests last year. It's more likely the test examiner looked at his answers and was like, "I want some of whatever he's on." Keith, ignoring Veronica's increasingly urgent interruptions, asks what classes Logan's taking, and Logan rattles off his courses, which include "Mass Comm," which he claims is coming in handy: "Apparently being the offspring of a murderer doesn't get old. I'm getting all these interview requests -- Larry King wants me to come on with O.J.'s kids." Maybe they can book Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney as musical guests. Keith somewhat aggressively wonders why Logan isn't thinking about it, but maybe he's still pissed off about the whole tape-erasing thing. (I know I am, although not at Logan.) Anyway, Veronica calls a time-out, and she and Keith banter for a bit too long until Keith asks exactly what subjects of conversation are permitted. Veronica casts about for a bit and comes up with "hobbies," which, given what the catalyst for their whole fight LAST EPISODE was, wouldn't have been my choice. Logan mentions surfing, and Keith asks what the attraction is, only to have Veronica tells Logan not to answer that. Jeez, and I've been accused of being heavy-handed as a moderator. Keith rolls his eyes, and we're out. Some people were disappointed that this scene was too short, and while I think they got the salient points across in regard to Logan's plotline tonight, I'll certainly agree that the length was belied by the heavy preview promotion. At least the promos showed stuff that was actually in the episode, though, which is more than I can say for the old WB. Also an improvement? No more billing new episodes as "fresh." Someone finally figured out that using a term that went out before a large percentage of the viewership was born wasn't the way to go to advertise new content. Groovy.
Veronica knocks on Mac's door, but it's Parker that opens it, who coldly tells her that Mac's in Bakersfield, as her great-aunt died. Perhaps Piz and Weevil went with her for moral support, which I'm betting would at least liven the funeral up a little. Anyway, Parker, whose "wig" looks natural enough that I'm thinking it's Julie Gonzalo's real hair, closes the door in Veronica's face. Veronica turns away, but sets her jaw and determinedly knocks again. Parker opens up again, and after a lecture and a failed attempt to slam the door again, Veronica enters. Parker lets loose with the sarcasm, and Veronica, matching the tone, asks if Parker really thinks she walked in, noted the rape, and grabbed the tickets. Parker counters that Veronica just thought she was a slut, which...I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but I'm not sure I blame Veronica for the perception, given that it seemed like Parker's bed was an official part of orientation. Veronica confesses that she's been through exactly what Parker's been through -- at "Shelly Pomroy's party, the summer of 2004." Well, to get the timeline to match up, that means Parker won't actually be raped for another six months or so. Given that, I don't really understand why they're arguing. Seriously, I mean, I make enough mistakes recapping this show, and I don't really think errors of continuity are necessarily huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but...given how big an issue they made of it at the time, you'd think someone on staff might have caught this one. Parker's chastened, saying that she had no idea, and Veronica snots, "Not something I open with."
Okay, a point recently discussed on the boards: I'm starting to think that in some scenes, opposite some actors, Kristen Bell is showing signs of phoning it in. She's failing to show vulnerability in scenes where it's clearly called for, in my opinion (excepting when she's acting opposite Enrico Colantoni or Jason Dohring), and it's making scenes that should be resonant play badly. If I'd read the sides for this scene, I think I would have been a lot more moved than I was in practice, when the opposite should be true. It's just a theory (and the direction could easily be at fault as well), and I guess time will tell. I'm aware that a lot of people think that Veronica's behavior is due to natural character development -- which is certainly possible -- but either way, in my view, whether the acting is at fault or not, Veronica is increasingly showing a frightening lack of sympathy, and I don't think it's doing the show any favors. It's fine if some or even most of the characters find Veronica unlikable, but if the viewers start to do so, that's another story entirely.
Anyway, Veronica tells Parker she will find out who raped her, in the tone of voice that a thirteen-year-old would use to tell her mother that after she gets off the phone, she WILL do her homework. There's a knock at the door, and it's Nish, who brightly introduces herself. She grows a little sheepish when she sees Veronica, and says that it's good to see her. Veronica: "And that's where we differ." This, at least, is probably warranted. Nish, giving up on Veronica, asks Parker if they can talk, and Veronica leaves in a snit.
Inside the dorm room, Nish says that she's interviewed most of the rape victims. Parker says she doesn't want to be interviewed, so Nish simply asks if she remembers seeing any of the Pi Sig brothers at the Theta Beta party she attended the night she was raped. Well, given that they were bartending, I think this is a bit of an, um, loaded question.
Neptune Grand. Logan's accountant is pompously telling him that his trust fund was intended to last until his twenty-first birthday, when, presumably, some new huge inheritance will be available to him. However, at this rate, it might last "fourteen months, maybe." Well, Logan, if you're looking for a solution, why not move into Weevil's grandmother's place? Especially since she probably keeled over and died right from shock right at graduation. Logan thinks that there's money missing, so the accountant smarmily tells him that he'll send his financial records right over...
...and we cut to the elevator door opening as Veronica asks Logan, "You're not showing me porn?" I think it's likely that Logan keeps his collection hidden. Well, parts of it, anyway. Anyway, Logan tells her that his meeting with "Avi Kaufman, bean counter to the stars," didn't go so hot, and he thinks Avi might be siphoning off some of his money. Veronica says Keith has a great accountant, but Logan thinks he needs the services of a PI. Veronica offers to look at the records, but her face falls as Logan opens the door to reveal ten boxes that I can see, which really isn't that many, although I'll admit it's above average for a nineteen-year-old (or whatever). Regardless, Veronica gapes her way into the opening credits.
Mars Investigations. Keith is in his office when Laura San Giacomo appears in his doorway and asks him whether he remembers her. Given their Just Shoot Me connection, I'd love to see some of Colantoni's ad-lib takes here. But what we get is Keith recalling that they met at "Judge Crawford's Christmas parties," which Laura confirms and adds, "You helped me with my tire that one year." I must need caffeine if I can't immediately come up with a joke for that one. Keith identifies Laura as "Harmony," and recalls that she thanked him profusely every year since. I wonder if she did so by jacking him off. Hey, would you look at that! Harmony says that she thinks her husband is having an affair, and given her breezy tone of voice, it sounds like she's skipped ahead over those first four stages of grief. She tells Keith that not only are there a lot of late hours, business trips, and mysterious phone calls, they're in a loveless marriage and her husband is a "glorified roommate" who just happens to be a great father. She says she can't go through with leaving without a concrete reason. "Do I sound awful?" she asks. Nothing a little lemon juice won't fix.
Veronica directs a non-speaking extra somewhere, and then a speaking extra appears, whom you might know by the name of "Wallace." He shows her Nish's FreePress article, which accuses the Pi Sigs of being the common thread in the campus rapes, and mentions that Claire was at the Pi Sigs' "Haunted House" the night she was raped. Veronica expresses her doubts as to both Nish's and the Pi Sigs' credibility, and Percy Daggs then goes to cash the easiest check he's ever earned.
Chez Mars. Keith steps out of his apartment to ask a lurking dude if he can help him. It's an apt question, given that it's Dick. He asks after Veronica, and says it's freaky -- he's been in the complex before, because his family had to pick up their maid there once. Perhaps the Neptune Grand needed extra help cleaning up its parking lot back in May. Keith reluctantly lets Dick in, who shows genuine enthusiasm for their 'little kitchen area." Hee. They sarcastically banter a bit, and I've already expressed my disbelief that Veronica could be quite so chummy with Dick, but it looks like we're stuck with it, and besides, I could see Veronica's curiosity as to why Dick would possibly be visiting her getting the better of her. You have to admit it's a bit unexpected.
Keith leaves, and Dick gets to the point: because of Nish's article, there's a hearing scheduled to get the Pi Sigs kicked off campus, so the frat wants to hire Veronica to get them off, because they "were really impressed with how [she] cleared them of the rape last year." Um, what? Veronica cleared Icetwin of the rape. All she cleared the Pi Sigs of was sports and parties, and I've never been in a frat, but I still think I'd find that hard to forgive. Maybe Dick is just spinning here, and again, I can see where that would make sense. If you believe that that the punishment of no parties for the rest of last year stuck, though, it is interesting to consider that the rapes didn't start again until the parties did as well. Anyway, Dick's position is that the frats wouldn't do that: "Why rape the cow when you're swimming in free milk?" It's the rare sentence that manages to be offensive, amusing, and nonsensical all at once. Or so you'd think if you hadn't spent a lot of time with Dick here. Veronica's about to toss Dick out on his fratty ass until she visibly has a thought, and informs Dick that she'll need full access to the frat and all information about the Haunted House night, and that her fee is fifteen hundred up front. Dick asks if that's really what the Marses make per case, and he makes me giggle hysterically by looking around at the décor as he asks the question. Hee. Although they might be able to decorate a little richer if it weren't for the thieving mothers and guilt-inspired automobile purchases. Anyway, Dick agrees to her fee and bails as VMVO gloats about being invited into "the belly of the beast." A particularly fitting metaphor, given how the frat house is likely to smell.
Keith is staking out some sparsely populated parking lot at night. He calls Harmony, and she jokingly speculates about what her husband's chippie looks like. They have way too cheerful and friendly a conversation, and Harmony tells Keith that if the woman's blonde, he owes her a beer. Harmony, I'm not sure if you're putting on a brave face, or paving the way to ask Keith out. But you should know that Keith and beer equals tears and broken dreams. Hey, I can do math, too. Keith hangs up with Harmony, and just then a car pulls up and drops Harmony's husband off (Keith is kind enough to show us a photo of him so we're not lost here). Keith jots down the license number, and then a bespectacled brunette gets out. Keith looks bummed, but he's probably just thirsty.
Chez Mars. Keith enters the kitchen and tells Veronica that his accountant should be finished reviewing Logan's files that afternoon. Noting Veronica's rather conservative attire, he asks if she's going to a Junior League meeting. Veronica: "Bland is the new hot." I think Heather and Jessica have become more and more inclined to agree with that statement. Keith wonders whether it's possible that Logan's spending habits are possibly to blame for his current predicament. Veronica: "One solid gold foosball table and a couple of manservants and suddenly he's spendy." Even when the master is underage, Veronica, they're still referred to as "houseboys." Veronica notes that Keith is smelling a bit more, shall we say, fragrant than usual, and Keith explains that he's got traffic court. Veronica: "Sexy traffic court?" Now that's a line delivery. Keith comes back with a comment about Veronica's dowdy shoes, and bails before his daughter wins the scene by an even wider margin.
Mars Investigations. Harmony rushes in with a pizza box, telling Keith that she's only got twenty minutes, so she brought lunch. I don't mind the update to the typical scenario with the reversal of gender, but to do this right, you can't leave out the bamp chicka wow wow music. Keith informs Harmony that the woman with whom he saw her husband is named "Carly Hern," and Harmony's shocked, because Carly and her husband are business associates, and her husband once told her that Carly's "the smartest woman he's ever met." If he thought that was a good thing to say to his wife, I don't think his own intelligence is even in the same ballpark. Keith tells Harmony that it's possible it was just business, and Harmony, practically giggling, says that she's having "such a weird reaction" to the news. "Reaction" is a good word here, because if she, say, mixed booze and allergy medication before coming over here, it would go a long way toward explaining her behavior. Seriously, what is wrong with this woman? She explains that she's "relieved and impressed" that the woman in question isn't a young bimbo. Okay. Keith asks her if she ever ties her husband's tie as he holds up a small microphone.
Cut to some lunkhead at the frat house opening a pizza box. Heh. VMVO says that her pantsuit is a way of telling accused rapists, "Move along. Nothing to see here." Chip comes out, tells the lunkhead to save him a slice, and then does not overdo the forced sunny face in greeting Veronica. Many people on the boards are noting how good a job David Tom is doing in this role, and I completely agree with them. Veronica tells Chip that she'll need to know where each brother was at the time of the rape. Chip, perhaps slightly shiftily, asks whether she shouldn't be clearing them instead, but Veronica duhs that that's what she's doing -- she needs to know who saw what. She goes on that the last thing Claire remembered on the night of the rape, according to the newspaper article, was buying a drink in front of the Haunted House. She...willingly bought a drink from a Pi Sig stand? Even a non-alcoholic one? Not completely unbelievable, but pretty dumb. Chip tells her that the brother in question was "Charleston," but nervously says she doesn't want to talk to him, because he's an idiot. Well, Chip, I'm not sure she considers you a rocket scientist either, as her sardonic smile seems possibly to indicate.
Cut to a closeup of a Baywatch pinball game. Hee. Normal scenery for a beer-swilling frat house, or clever commentary on David Hasselhoff pulling a Lost Weekend for the bulk of 2006? You decide. Anyway, a pretty cute Asian guy is playing, and he has to explain that Charleston is actually a nickname, as his last name is "Chu." Well, he should count his blessings that they didn't call him "Ah Choo." If you're looking for reasons why Dave Chappelle finally went crazy, I think that's as good a good place to start as any. Charleston tells Veronica that he only poured flat soda into plastic cups, and just because he may have served Claire a drink doesn't mean he raped her. Veronica acidly points out that while that may be true, it does make him the most likely suspect, and when the media circus starts, 'like it did at Duke," he'll be doing the perp walk. Hey, she learned the term! However, she also calls him "Token," and while I appreciate a South Park reference as much as the guy and I think she meant it as a dig at the fraternity, it was still perhaps ill-advised. Anyway, this causes Charleston to leave Pam and Dave and tell Veronica that once he took in five hundred bucks, he followed protocol by taking it up to Chip's room, because he was in charge of the cash. However, Chip's door was locked, so he knocked. Noises ensued, followed by a pissed-off, naked, sweaty, and out-of-breath Chip opening the door, like Charleston had caught him in... "flagrante?" Veronica supplies. Charleston, puzzled: "No. In the middle of sex." Well, so much for the idea that all Asians are smart. And here critics of the show are complaining about stereotypes!
Anyway, a steady chant has been audible in the background since Veronica and Charleston moved into this room, and another brother interrupts them to draw attention to it. The three of them, along with some other brothers, head outside to discover a mob of picketing female protesters chanting, "Women's safety first!" No more rapes at Hearst!" The black rape victim we saw in the season premiere is holding a sign with her picture on it, with a caption that reads, "Victim #3: Nancy Cooper." to her, Parker is holding a similar sign with a picture of her without her "wig," billing her as "Victim #4." So Alia Shawkat's character Stacy was the second victim, and the Hawaiian girl Dawn was the first. I like it when everything adds up, and I have since June 2004 or so. Anyway, Parker and Veronica's eyes lock just as a shirtless Dick comes out and puts his arm around Veronica. His timing is as good as his judgment.
Keith and Harmony are sitting on the couch at Mars Investigations. Either their interaction hasn't turned out the way the pizza setup implied, or they moved out to the main room for a reason. Seriously, though, so much for when you said you only had twenty minutes, Harmony. Keith is telling Harmony war stories, and she's giggling away like she's watching an NBC comedy. If only one would come to mind so I could provide you with an example. Anyway, Veronica and Logan enter, and after Keith hops up off the naughty, naughty couch and calls Veronica's name, Harmony asks, "Veronica? The liberator of lobsters?" Logan's amused, and Veronica protests that it was a single lobster, and also, she was seven. At everyone's goofy, expectant silence, Veronica sighs, "He tells that one to all the new clients." Yeah, but she's been here for hours, Veronica. I'm surprised she hasn't asked Logan how his surfing is going. Harmony awkwardly leaves, and Keith tells Veronica and Logan that he talked to his accountant, and it turns out that the Echolls estate contributes ten grand a month to an organization called "Aaron's Kids." That would be one of the biggest organizations in the world if it weren't for the invention of condoms. Logan, aghast, asks if the money's really going to his "dad's pathetic excuse for a charity." Keith breezes that he hopes this clears things up, and leaves.
Sometime later, Logan returns with some food, and apologizes for taking so long. "I went out for Thai, and ended up getting a massage. Should have been more specific." Well, he made it back safe, so at least the story has a happy ending. Veronica informs him that "Aaron's Kids" was a non-profit that shut down years prior; however, "Aaron's Kidz" is where the money's going now, and Avi Kaufman (referred to here as Haaron's "business manager," which is not the same thing as a "bean counter," but whatever) is its chairman. Logan stares his way into a commercial break.
In the Hearst food court, Veronica counsels Logan to "numb [his] fury with grease and fat" until she can do a little more digging. If I routinely followed that advice, I'm pretty sure I'd be a lot heavier. Catching sight of someone, she asks if he minds if she goes to put the screws to someone. Logan: "Go ahead. Screw your brains out." Heh. She kisses him on the cheek, and then he wipes off the grease with a napkin.
Veronica accosts Chip, and since he's carrying a tray, she's in a position to take note of the fact that his right hand is badly bruised. He tells her that he was working the "Boo!" room at the Haunted House, in which a bunch of frat brothers dressed up as cat burglars and yelled "Boo!" at the visitors, and when he was crouched down, one of the guys stomped on his hand. Considering how purple it is, the guy must have stomped awfully hard. Then again, given Chip's gender, age, and personality, he probably hasn't been giving his hand a whole lot of rest. Veronica then asks whom Chip was doing that night, and Chip sardonically notes that Charleston is pretty chatty. Veronica points out that if he was having traditional sweaty sex with an actual conscious person, that would take him off the hook at least for Claire's rape, but Chip tells her that the girl he was with "would never in a million years admit to it." Veronica can't believe her good fortune that he did the heavy lifting for her again on that joke. It is something to appreciate, especially when you're on deadline.
Cut to Charleston making out with an Asian girl. He breaks it off, and when he's gone, Veronica appears with a "Sad to see him go, but it's nice to watch him leave." Hee. Veronica then accuses her of being Chip's date to the Halloween bash: "I hear you went as the beast with two backs." Veronica counsels the girl to come clean, because if she doesn't, both Chip and the Pi Sigs will be in serious trouble, but the girl is not having it, and flounces off. Here's a tip, Veronica: Be nicer. It can help in situations such as these. Dick then appears and tells her that his brothers are pissed, because they think she's coming after them. Veronica notices that Dick's right hand is bruised as well, but Dick unconvincingly brushes her off and tells her that people are really starting to think the Pi Sigs are rapists (or "rapers," as he said, and okay, hee) so she should work her "pixie spy magic" and clear their names. Veronica isn't done with Dick's hand, and that's a sentence that makes me wish I'd followed the old adage, "Think twice, type once." It's invaluable in the forums. She brings up Dick's blubbery confession to Logan that he screwed up. Dick: "Whipped guys make the worst friends." He's not wrong. He stomps off, and Veronica wonders if Dick might be a rapist...
...and the VMVO goes on in Veronica's room, as she muses about the possibility of there being two "rapers" in the same family, but then she leaves that question aside and goes to her whiteboard. Incidentally, I don't think Dick could be the rapist for logistical reasons alone -- he goes to Hearst while still in high school and commits two rapes, risking one of them while Veronica was on her visit, and then chooses to attend college at the scene of the crimes? Not likely, to me. Anyway, Veronica starts writing on the whiteboard and VMVO tells us that she's going to figure out where Logan's money is going. She starts working with the "Planet Zowie" search engine we've seen before, and makes a phone call to a "Ryan Douglas" about his interest in "Micardo Enterprises."
Later, Keith gets home and enters Veronica's room. He finds her staring at the whiteboard, which is now totally full. She tells Keith that she wanted to nail Kaufman, but she discovered something else. Checking out the whiteboard, Keith asks, "Who's Charlie Stone?" Veronica looks at him...
...and then she's entering Logan's suite as Logan stands on his terrace in the foreground. She tells him that the money is going to this Charlie Stone, and, already pretty sure she knows the answer, asks if he knows who he is. When she gets the expected negative, she steels herself and tells him that it's his brother. Logan looks stunned, but maybe he's thinking about what a male version of Trina would be like. If so, I can understand the chagrin.
Back on the terrace, Veronica finishes up: Haaron's business manager buried Charlie pretty deep, but then she Googled his name, and discovered that he's a teacher in San Juan Capistrano. (For those curious, "to Google" is a dictionary term now, which is why they could get away with saying it. Showing the logo is another, far more expensive story altogether.) What's more, Charlie is listed, and she hands over his number. I should say that Veronica is very sympathetic in this scene -- her implied stance is that whatever Logan chooses to do with the information is okay by her, which I think is how it should be. My only question is whether Charlie's existence would have come to light at the reading of Haaron's will, but I could certainly buy that Logan was not in attendance for that particular party. Logan wonders aloud what he should do...
...but later, Logan's made up his mind, and he calls Charlie and gets his voicemail. He does not lead with "You may remember me from such tawdry stories as appeared on The Tinseltown Diaries and The Smoking Gun." Maybe he's not a Troy McClure fan. He does leave a message, though.PreviousNext
On campus, Veronica finds Parker, who's predictably cold, despite Veronica's efforts to convince her that her endgame is to catch the rapist. Parker does tell her, though, about having met Dick at orientation and thinking that he was cute. Given the benders he was regularly on at the beginning of the season, I'm guessing he had the foresight to use breath mints. I'm surprised and impressed. Parker goes on about Dick drunkenly showing up at her room and talking to Mac. Veronica asks Parker whether she told anyone about that, but Parker says that she didn't know about it when she gave her statement to Lamb. Of course, Mac knew about it and was right there, but given that she didn't pipe up and take any of the heat off of Veronica in that scene, perhaps she'd already committed to silence as the better part of cowardice. Parker gives up one more bit of information -- that Dick chased Nancy out of the Haunted House screaming and calling her a bitch -- before flouncing off.
In a parking lot outside a restaurant or something, Keith, in his car, eavesdrops on Harmony's husband and what's-her-name via the tie microphone. As if wearing ties didn't have enough negatives as it is. They emerge, and he takes some pictures. It's amusing that he's getting to do so much photography in his reunion episode with Laura San Giacomo. Anyway, when they get to her car, what's-her-name kisses what's-his-name. Oh, come on -- does it really matter?
Veronica is sitting waiting in a hallway when Nancy appears. Nancy snits at her, but Veronica, matching her tone, asks what she was doing at a Pi Sig party. Nancy says she went with Claire because she heard there was a "grope room." Turns out that what the frats were doing in the "Boo!" room was actually using the darkness to fondle girls, so Claire and Nancy dressed up as rats and "strategically" put rat traps over their "gropable" parts. Hard to believe that Victorian England missed coming up with that one. Veronica takes that in, and then smiles and gives props to the idea. Anyway, Nancy tells Veronica she was in the room all of three seconds before Dick was caught in one of her traps, which explains the bruised hands and Dick's rage. Unfortunately, Nancy lost track of Claire after that, although she mistakenly thought she saw her later down the street from the party. So if Nancy and Claire were the only two with the traps, it seems logical to conclude that Chip hurt his hand on one of Claire's traps. Something to keep in mind, I think. Veronica asks Nancy where she thought she saw Claire.
Veronica enters a convenience store as VMVO says it's where Nancy thought she saw Claire, and she's making sure she wasn't right. After ascertaining that the somewhat crusty clerk was working the night of the rape, she shows the guy a picture of Claire, and he recognizes her and says that she was so drunk she could barely stand. What's more, she came in with a guy, and while she was busy holding up his magazine rack, he was trying to find enough money to buy condoms. The clerk told him he couldn't use a credit card without spending fifteen bucks, and sent him door to the ATM. They came back later and he made the purchase. And crusty clerk ends with, "One less bastard child conceived by morons." Aw, come on, Clerk Guy -- Charlie does turn out to be pretty cute. Veronica smiles at the guy's crustiness and information, and leaves.
And now it's time for Matt Czuchry, who plays Logan on Gilmore Girls. I certainly hope the actors took the time to compare notes on what it's like to play character named Logan on the same network who have been both hated and loved by the viewers. You have to admit that as shared experiences go, it's on the uncommon side. This Logan's a lot cuter than I expected, I will say. Anyway, GG Logan is telling VM Logan that he pestered his mom about his real dad, so she told him when he was ten that it was Haaron. The story is that she was a stewardess working first class on an L.A.-to-N.Y. redeye that Haaron took, and if your mind works anything like mine, you're wondering at precisely what altitude "Charlie" (SPOILER!) here was conceived. GG Logan says that when he was younger, he thought he wanted the Echolls lifestyle, but as he saw the things that happened to the family, he counted his blessings. He recounts the Echolls public scandals, among them Trina shooting Nicole Richie with a BB gun. Hee. The real incident was Britney Spears shooting a paparazzo with a BB gun, but the celebrity-trash concept translates, especially since it's Trina we're talking about. Anyway, GG Logan is drinking coffee or tea or something to our Logan's beer, which should have been the first clue to our Logan that something's not quite right here. GG Logan says that he has to go grade papers, and our Logan hopefully says they should hang out again sometime. GG Logan says he'd love to hear about Haaron, the bad as well as the good. It's good he qualified that so our Logan knows to schedule him for longer than two minutes. Veronica enters at that moment, and our Logan introduces her to GG Logan. Our Logan tells Veronica a little about GG Logan's job, and GG Logan adds that if he gets his papers graded, he can hit Zuma at dawn. Our Logan excitedly asks GG Logan if he surfs, and the answer is a resounding yes. Logan both heavily and happily says that they are brothers, and GG Logan pats his arm and leaves. Our Logan goes to see GG Logan to the door, and Veronica's face falls as a VMVO says she has options...
...and continues into the scene, as Veronica enters a school and VMVO goes on that she could be thrilled that GG Logan is so great. "Or, I can be me." Heh. She knocks on a classroom door that has a nameplate inscribed with "Mr. Stone," and a very cute guy who looks to be in his early twenties answers. Veronica quickly ascertains that this is the real Mr. Stone. I wonder what she would have said if GG Logan had answered the door, but I guess she would have crossed that awkward if she'd come to it. Anyway, Veronica claims to have made a mistake, and after the real Charlie shuts the door, she considers her move into the last commercial break.
The Logans are on their surfboards in shallow water, and our Logan is telling GG Logan about how when he was nine, he peeked early at a Christmas present, and as punishment, Haaron told him he had to eat all twelve pears in the fruit basket therein before he could open another gift. He himself refers to the way he ate the pears as "dainty," and I wish he'd make it a little harder for me to find fey references to associate with him, as it's really not much of a challenge. Haaron freaked at Logan's, well, daintiness, and started shoving the pears down his throat. Well, it's good he started him practicing at an early age. See what I mean? Haaron didn't stop until Lynn held a cheese knife to his throat, and if she was getting in a subtle dig at Haaron's acting ability in addition to saving herself from having to do the Heimlich Maneuver, I applaud her.
Cut to the two boys (okay, Czuchry's almost thirty, but he doesn't look it) walking away from the water, boards under their arms and wetsuits opened to the waist. They reach Veronica, who greets them with a sunny "Hi, Logan! Hi, Norman Phipps!" Turns out GG Logan is actually a Vanity Fair reporter doing a story on the Echolls family. Also, wow. GG Logan has one pretty scorching body. Graydon Carter must not kid around with the staff gym memberships. Anyway, GG Logan, having been outed, makes a prickish comment, prompting our Logan to deck him. Veronica apologizes and says that she should have stayed out of the whole mess, which I don't really see in this particular case, but Logan looks at her wordlessly and walks away. Our Logan should do something mean for revenge, like moving to Yale and stealing Rory away. And if the thought of that pairing doesn't make you giggle hysterically, there's no help for you.
Mars Investigations. Harmony is looking at a photo of what's-his-name and what's-her-name kissing. She starts to babble about her options, but then Keith plays a tape of "Marvin" telling "Carly" that he's married with a family. What's more, he followed up by handing off the account to an associate to remove himself from having to work with Carly. A lot of posters were aghast at Keith's unprofessionalism in stringing Harmony along like that. I agree, but I also think that professionalism is not going to be a cornerstone of this relationship, should it continue, so perhaps we should just count it as an example of fiveshadowing and leave it at that. Upset, Harmony leaves, but not before she gives Keith a lingering look that suggests perhaps we haven't seen the last of her.
Sometime later, Veronica interrupts Keith's reverie to ask him if he could help her out getting hold of an ATM photo. Keith says a monkey with a friend who's a bank representative could do it, and Veronica asks "Bubbles" to get to work. Hee.
In front of the administration building, Veronica catches the frats on their way in to their hearing. After expositing that Claire woke up alone in the park at 5AM, she produces a photo of a very drunk-looking but as-yet-unshaven Claire with some random non-frat Asian guy behind her, which was taken at 2 AM, two hours after the Haunted House closed. She calls it "proof of innocence," an assertion with which many posters were quick to disagree. I think perhaps she meant that they're clear of the charge that Claire was raped during the Haunted House, which was probably the idea behind the whole hearing, since that was the last place she was seen. As many posters also pointed out, though, it's unfathomable that the stuff Veronica uncovered wouldn't already have been discovered by the local law. I know Lamb's only been in one scene so far this season (and I hate to get sidelined by complaining about that, but COME ON), but COME ON. Reasonably distasteful errand completed, Veronica turns to go, but stops cold when she sees something in front of her. After a beat, she walks by a group of unamused feminists, including Parker, Nish, and Claire. VMVO: "When did the Greek chorus of feminist shame arrive?" This is one of those situations where any joke will get me in trouble. I'll risk a "hee," though.
At "Calvert Academy," the real Charlie Stone gets out of his car and is hounded by reporters. Well, that's terrible. If only he were receiving some sort of financial compensation to ease the emotional distress.
In some campus building, Parker finds Veronica and faux-cheerily tells her that the Pi Sigs were absolved because of her help, and asks how she can live with herself. Veronica, in a more measured tone than I would have expected: "You want to nail someone to the wall just to have someone nailed there, or do you want the person responsible to pay?" Can I think about it? Parker looks slightly chastened, and Veronica leaves.
Sometime later, Veronica is walking across campus when Logan catches her and forces a Big Lebowski reference out of her. Logan's in a good mood, as he ended up going on Larry King and giving him the scoop on Charlie because he figured Charlie served him up to GG Logan. Veronica points out that they don't know that for sure, but Logan dismisses that, and thanks her for digging, as her efforts "officially erased any and all romantic notions about my family." No offense, Logan, but it's nice of you to catch up. Logan then asks Veronica to find Norman, because Logan gave him a pocket watch that belonged to his grandfather. I can see where he'd want that back -- it would probably buy his suite for at least four more nights. Hey, we all go through our tough times.
Veronica knocks on an apartment door, and GG Logan, whom Veronica addresses as "Fake Charlie," opens it. Veronica pushes her way in, and after some exposition that his story got dropped once the Larry King thing happened, which was our Logan's plan, Veronica demands the watch. GG Logan then tells her that our Logan got one thing wrong -- he tracked the real Charlie down, but he wanted to remain anonymous, so he tapped Charlie's phone. Veronica closes her eyes, knowing that this is going to be tougher for our Logan to swallow even than a dozen pears at once. Also, a lot of people thought it made no sense that GG Logan was tapping Charlie's phone in anticipation of Logan calling. I actually think he was tapping Charlie's phone in hopes that Charlie would call Logan, or at least would call someone else that would give him more information on the story. After all, even if Charlie told him he had never met Logan, it's not like he was likely to believe him. Also, given that GG Logan was willing to engage in illegal wiretapping, I don't find it difficult to believe that he was able to do what was necessary to track Charlie down, given what we saw Veronica do.
Logan is holding the pocket watch as Veronica is in medias "please don't hate the messenger" speech. "Never Lonely Alone" by Space Needle plays throughout this scene, and the haunting faux-cheery melody combined with the cruel irony of the lyrics applied to Logan's situation makes it the most outstanding musical choice in recent memory. Logan emotionally notes how quick he was to believe the worst of Charlie, which is of course an example of the exquisite cruelty of life that this show at its best does so well. Logan goes on that he's never had a relationship like the one Veronica and Keith have. Some people on the boards have expressed impatience that Logan is allegedly mopey and boring this season. I have to confess that I don't see that one bit. Sure, there was a little manufactured angst last episode, but this is the first example of real sadness from him that I've seen in a while. Keep in mind that we haven't seen any expression of grief from him over the fact that he's now an orphan, so I think, given that his own worldview caused him to unwittingly sabotage something he unconsciously wanted so much -- familial connection -- we shouldn't begrudge him a few delayed-reaction tears here. As for being boring, I think it only seems that way, simply because he's not as much of a dick. Basically, he's starting on a journey to becoming far less self-involved, which actually makes him more interesting to me, not less. Anyway, Veronica, who knows something about the perils of not giving people the benefit of the doubt, tells him he couldn't have known. Logan expresses his doubts that that will matter to Charlie...
...and sometime later, as the song continues, Logan, now alone, tries calling Charlie again. He gets Charlie's voicemail, and adenoidally apologizes for all the messages. You'd think that he might apologize for something else, but it is a pretty big step that the words "I'm sorry" came out of his mouth. We can fine-tune things later. He expresses his hope that the third message will be the charm, hangs up. We stay wide on his back as he walks out to the balcony. Now I know why he can't move out of this place -- Weevil's grandmother's porch isn't nearly as picturesque. Also, of course, since Logan actually knows how to find Charlie in person, perhaps this all doesn't have to be quite as tragic as it's coming off. Still, in my opinion? Best episode of the season so far.