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Happy Halloween! Let's celebrate by ringing in the return of Cliff! Also, Backup gets loads of screen time! Okay. First, Lucky Tim teaches the criminology class in lieu of the absent Dr. Landry, and tries to show up Veronica by calling on her to give an oral presentation, but Veronica brings in a real-live Weevil to set a theme of the week by talking about having been a criminal and the allure of that lifestyle. Weevil notices that Veronica is wearing a necklace Lilly gave her, and then is aghast to learn that she's dating Logan again. Well, Weevil, you should have asked him to wait for you. Veronica, thinking to score some points with her beau, attends a Halloween party at the campus casino, but before Logan arrives, the party ends up getting robbed, Point Break-style. The thieves steal a lot of money, as well as Veronica's necklace, causing her to accuse Weevil of the crime, because her first instinct has been so on-target so far this season. Weevil and Logan almost revisit days of HoYay past, but Lamb shows up to get in on the action. Read the transcript if you think I'm kidding. He also finds some of the stolen goods from the party in Weevil's car, and arrests Weevil on the spot. Veronica comes to believe that Weevil was framed, though, and soon, it comes to light that the loot was dumped and the guns weren't even real. Veronica catches the real thieves, who were campus security guys. Well, that might explain why there's been so little progress with the rape investigations. Wallace does badly on a Mechanical Engineering test, and considers cheating on the one. Surprisingly, he goes through with it, but perhaps less surprisingly, he gets caught (or so it seems, anyway). Veronica walks in on Keith in the middle of a consult with Dean Ed Begley and his nubile young wife. Turns out Ed's previously referenced stepson is dying, so Dean Ed hires Keith to track down the kid's deadbeat real dad. The dad is a washed-up voice actor, played by Richard Grieco (um, hee). Dean Ed's wife begs Grieco to give up some bone marrow for their son, but he refuses and then disappears, leaving Keith as the leading suspect in potential foul play. Keith confronts Dean Ed, who confesses that his wife took her son to Mexico without his consent, so they go on a -- say it with me -- ROAD TRIP! Only Ed was totally faking, and he and his wife kidnapped Grieco and stole his bone marrow. Wow, that's...kind of old school. Finally, Veronica talks to Claire, but she's no help about the Asian guy. Veronica does discover, however, that the mysterious Asian guy had a "Camp Waterloo" logo on his shirt, and finally finds out that the guy is...Claire's boyfriend. DUN! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Veronica's waiting outside a classroom, and when the class therein lets out, she falls into step with Claire, who recognizes her as the girl who cleared the Pi Sigs. Surprisingly, she does not refer to Veronica as she who "got the Pi Sigs off," but rather than signaling a change of ways on the part of the writers, I think it simply shows they wanted Claire to use an expression that actually singled Veronica out. Claire is fairly neutral to Veronica, and Veronica takes advantage of the mild weather to say that she's investigating the rapes because a friend of hers was one of the victims. She goes on that she has the ATM photo, and again, it's pretty unbelievable that the local law hasn't already gotten this far. Then again, given how they handled the investigation into Driver Ed's state of mind last year, maybe asking questions at convenience stores isn't their strong point. In their defense, it's probably distracting being around all those donuts. (Just ask Veronica -- hi-yoooooo!) Claire isn't sure she's ready to see the photo, but relents, saying, "What the hell -- if it saves someone else, right?" Put that in the "filed away for later" folder. Upon seeing the picture, Claire says that she has no idea who the mysterious Asian guy is, but exposits that she withdrew the max from her account that night. "I got raped, and I paid for the privilege." Veronica notices a logo on the Asian guy's shirt, but Claire is similarly no help there.
Criminology class. Lucky Tim informs the students that Dr. Landry has been called as an expert witness in some case that "[he's] sure [they're] all tracking." Talk to me after the rape mystery, dude. I've got enough to follow as it is here. Lucky Tim says that they're going to continue with their oral presentations, making Veronica look slightly worried. Lucky Tim does in fact call on her, and she gets as far as "Actually, I'm not..." before Tim cuts her off and starts marking her down for being unprepared. And given the circumstances of their last encounter, said mark probably looks something like "SQUEEEEEE!" However, the celebration is premature, as Weevil enters the lecture hall, causing Veronica to pipe up that she's ready for the report. Unless she meant that she's ready to give Weevil a look of "You don't work far enough away to be late, chico." Both seem possible at the moment.
Cut to the two of them at the front of the class, where Veronica is giving highlights of Weevil's criminal history, which include almost two years total in juvie, plus current parole for assaulting the PCH leader that replaced him. She doesn't add that Weevil's assault was followed by one involving C4 and tons and tons of concrete, but given that she's trying to paint a picture of a badass here, upstaging him would be counterproductive. Lucky Tim tries to cut in that she's supposed to be giving an oral presentation and not "show and tell," but Veronica counters that Landry told them they could use audiovisual aids, and proves that Weevil is both audio -- since he can talk -- and visual -- since he's visible. Well, by that logic, she could bring a Speak 'n Spell up there to do the whole report for her. It would be against the spirit of the assignment, but that certainly hasn't gotten in her way in this class before. Veronica tells the students that she'll first discuss the socioeconomic conditions that lead to a life of crime, and starts talking about Weevil...
...and later, Weevil's regaling the class with some story that sounds amusing, but is neither important nor sensical enough to relate. Some girl asks if he thinks he can move on from gang life, having been in it as long as he has. It's a valid question, especially coming from her, as she's in her thirties and hasn't yet managed to leave college behind. Weevil says that he's trying, but honestly, he does miss both the money and the thrills afforded by his lifestyle. Given her behavior later, Veronica's goofy smile seems out of place.
Outside, Weevil compliments Veronica's necklace, recognizing it as having belonged to Lilly. Veronica: "Been thinking about her a lot lately." Me too, given that I really want to go back and watch Season 1 again when I have the time. Weevil asks what Veronica's Halloween plans are, and she tells him that after he gets out of his night class, she's meeting "the boyfriend" at 332 Bennis Hall, the casino from "Wichita Linebacker," which is now being called "The Venetian." I have to unhappily note that the acne problem I noted last time we saw Weevil has severely worsened, and to be honest, I'm amazed they didn't try to come up with some story-related reason for it. I'm not trying to be mean, because as I indicated earlier, I'm kind of worried, but if they felt the need to explain away a simple cut under Keith's eye, you'd think they'd do something to assuage our fears that Weevil's face is about to explode. Anyway, Veronica says that she's doing something "the boyfriend" likes in exchange for the whole dressing-up thing. It's too bad Weevil doesn't know that Veronica's talking about Logan here, since he'd be the perfect person to tell her that Logan isn't exactly a stranger to playing dress-up. (And there's a Wang Chung joke in there a little deeper, but why don't we move on so I can at least get past the cold open before my deadline.) I should point out, though, that it seems like my supposition that Veronica didn't give a rat's ass about the gambling in and of itself when she chewed Logan out at the casino seems correct. Veronica notes that Weevil's got dust all over his uniform, which he explains is from a dry-wall job on campus, and says something about it being in "crevasses and cracks [he] didn't even know [he had]." Seeing a hot girl, he cautions Veronica to keep her beau on a short leash, but Veronica tells him that "the women of Hearst aren't close to the top of [her] worries about Logan." I'm going to have to invent some new directions just to accommodate all the ways in which I could run with that comment. Weevil gets all in a snit about Veronica dating Logan "again, after the way he treated Lilly?" Seriously? No idea what he's on about, there. Lilly fucked Logan's dad while they were still basically an item, and Weevil knows this. Plus, last time Logan and Weevil were together, they were in total détente. I'd ask what's up his ass, but he already went into too much detail about the dry wall. Weevil storms off, and that's one false, bullshit interaction right there.
In a class we'll soon learn is Mechanical Engineering, the teacher basically tells the students that the results of their "retest" put them at the top of the nation's brain transplant list. Wallace checks out his grade, and from the look on his face, it says, "You're Number One!"
Outside Mars Investigations, Veronica sees a sweet Porsche convertible parked on the street, making her smile. She pops in and starts babbling at Keith, even though you can clearly hear him talking when she first enters. She suggests they call the city and get the illegally-parked car clamped, "just for funsies." Keith warningly calls Veronica's name, but Veronica continues jawing, asking if the hundred-grand car came with a standard sense of entitlement. As she enters, Dean Ed snarks, "It did! And while we're on the subject of entitlement, maybe someday you can parlay your complimentary one-hundred-thousand-dollar college education into a lucrative career of your very own." I take back every mean thing I've ever said or thought about him. That RULED! Without pausing for breath, Dean Ed says that it's actually his wife's car, whom he introduces. Her photo didn't lie, as she's quite young and attractive. Keith boots Veronica out of this office, and then turns to Mrs. O'Dell: "You were about to tell me about your ex-husband." I know Veronica was kind of obnoxious regarding this point, but I have a feeling you might want to move the car before getting into the story.
Wallace goes up to the TA and asks about dropping the class, but is informed that the drop/add period ended the week before. I'd encourage anyone who thinks Wallace is too smart to have cheated the way it seems he did later to remember this moment. Because HELLO!
Back at Mars Investigations, Veronica analyzes the photo, and discovers that the Asian guy's shirt has a logo with the name "Camp Waterloo" underneath it. She Zowies it, gets the number, and calls. When the woman on the other end picks up, she corn-pones, "I tell you what, I'll be sugar and sunshine if you could help me!" This is one of those times where my life as an options trader makes me involuntarily yell, "SOLD!" Veronica spins a yarn about wanting to organize a camp reunion, and gets the woman to agree to give her everyone's contact information, although it won't happen overnight. Veronica gives the woman her email address -- "veronica.mars@hearstcollege.org" -- as Keith and his clients emerge from his office, and Mrs. O'Dell tells Keith that something unspecified "needs to happen soon." When they're gone, Keith informs Veronica that Dean Ed's stepson is dying, and they've hired Keith to find the stepson's deadbeat dad, as "the boy's dying wish is to meet his real father." Well, the spongier parts of him, anyway. Veronica looks stunned.
The Venetian. Veronica's in a black wig, but it won't be clear who she is until Logan shows up. Perhaps someone pleasant to be around, given that the theme of the holiday is "Come As You Aren't." A VMVO is amusingly saying, to paraphrase, how Veronica's going to go all "Echolls Family Christmas" on the gamblers' asses, but she doesn't get the chance, because two guys wearing Nixon and Carter masks and brandishing guns tell everyone to put their hands up and fork over their valuables. The guy wearing the Carter mask, who is actually the only one talking, with an annoying pseudo-something accent at that, seems to be aware of how the casino's run, because he knows where the cash box is, and demands it from Mercer. As Nixon collects from the partygoers, there's a tense moment as Mercer considers not giving Carter the combination, causing him to hit a cross-dressed dealer. Ooh, they're trying to paint this guy as Eevil. It's too bad about the mask, because otherwise they could just have given him a cigarette. Anyway, Mercer relents, and meanwhile, Nixon is collecting from Veronica, but she balks at giving him her necklace. Also in the "file away for later" files, Nixon still refuses to talk, but Carter comes over and rather scarily grabs her by the throat, then rips off the chain. Veronica tells him he'll regret that, and surprisingly does not get clocked in the face before the guys withdraw. Veronica looks awfully upset. Hey, hon, things could always be worse -- at least Lori Petty didn't show up. Credits.
Back at the party, Veronica's forlornly staring into space and clutching at the spot in which her absent necklace should be. A campus cop tries to keep the (male) bearded dealer lady who got clocked in the face from leaving, but his efforts are ineffective. Mercer is telling another campus cop, an Asian guy with a thick accent, that there was about ten grand in the briefcase. The guy basically says if Mercer expects them to help, he's delusional, becausethey told him to shut the place down twice before. Mercer sardonically replies that he's quite aware they will not be aiding or abetting him. Logan enters, and I'll just tell you now that he and Veronica are supposed to be Jack and Megan Martha White. Considering how Jack and Meg were erroneously billed as brother and sister for quite some time, you'll forgive me for thinking that Duncan would have been the more fitting male component of the duo. Veronica emotionally tells Logan about the theft of the necklace, and Logan hugs her. Lamb enters at that moment and grandly notes the illegal gambling, underage drinking, and -- seeing Logan and Veronica -- "public displays of affection," at which he hilariously shivers. Careful, though, Lamb -- Christmas party season is coming up, and I can just see Sacks having too much eggnog, slinging his arm around you, and slurring that you're not such a bad guy. Lamb orders a deputy to collect IDs, but Veronica points out that all such things were taken from them. Lamb then disses the bald Campus Cop, and then Veronica, to Logan, bites out that she's pretty sure she knows who committed the crime. Ooh, it must be vasculitis! (Yes, I watch House. It's okay! I have DVR!)
Subtle cut to Wallace, which is the best thing about this scene, as some dude -- who annoys the piss out of me from moment one -- comes in and tries to get Wallace to blow off studying. We learn that Wallace wants to be a mechanical engineer, and what's more, he's always wanted to be a mechanical engineer. That kind of seems out of nowhere, but it would at least explain the dorky glasses in Veronica's end-of-season dream. Wallace's annoying friend convinces him to go out that night, and I miss Piz quite a lot here.
Over the phone, Keith informs Dean Ed that he tracked down his wife's ex, and even got the apartment manager to let him into the ex's apartment, wherein he deduced that the guy is scraping out a living as a voice-over actor. Keith says that he has a plan to arrange a meeting.
Weevil arrives home, and is about to enter when he hears barking from within. He opens his toolbox and takes out a large wrench before entering and turning on the lights to find Veronica and Backup. Yay for pretty pit bulls! And Backup, too! Commercials.
When we're back, Veronica wastes no time in demanding the necklace. Weevil claims to know nothing of what she's talking about, so she bites out that six hours after she told him about the party, it was held up by a guy his size covered in a thin layer of dry-wall dust "and the stench of Drakkar cologne." Well, the Drakkar could be explained by the presence of Chipsters, and they're all too prevalent in a college atmosphere. The dry-wall dust is perhaps a more significant clue. Anyway, Weevil eventually tires of this discussion and tells her he can't believe she'd think he'd do that to her after all they've been through. At first I was going to say that I could see both sides of this argument, which shows that their history has set them up well. I only wished they'd skipped that stupid exchange about Logan, because it looked like Veronica was factoring in his attitude about Logan and Lilly in weighing whether he could have gone through with taking the necklace from her, and that is bullshit there. But then, I realized this: No matter what Veronica thinks of Weevil's morals, I cannot believe that she could think he would have grabbed her by the throat and shoved her up against a wall. No way, no day, and that cheapens this whole storyline. Anyway, Veronica is unbowed, so Weevil asks her to leave. On her way out, without looking at her, he adds, "It's a wonder you don't have more friends." Well, in her defense, she's got Mac, only you wouldn't know it, given that she's indubitably a member of a religion wherein you sit shiva for what seems like eighteen years at a time.
Veronica enters Mars Investigations and greets her dad and -- YES! -- Cliff. Finally! Keith asks if she remembers the job. Veronica: "Pretend to be a receptionist. I just wish I had some life experience to draw from." Heh. She takes her place, and Keith asks Cliff if he's cool. Cliff goes into an impression of a Monster Truck commercial announcer so dead-on that I'm thinking he grew up even more white-trash that has been heretofore indicated on this show. We're talking the low end of the trailer-park totem pole.
Speaking of which, we see Richard Grieco walking up the street. Hee. He finds a sign that reads "Mars Advertising And Media Solutions," and goes up the stairs. Inside, he finds Cliff "rehearsing" out loud. He goes over to Veronica and introduces himself as "Steve Batando," and says that he's there for the audition. Behind him, Keith asks "Mickey" if he booked "that Olive Garden gig." If there's any justice, the job will go to Richard, as the poor guy looks like he hasn't come across a carbohydrate since he left Jump Street. Eat a sandwich, dude. Veronica calls for Cliff, but he says that he's still making it work, as Tim Gunn would say. And I'd love it if Tim Gunn watched this show, especially since he could maybe give Kristen some tips that would allow her to cut down on her regular appearances on Go Fug Yourself. Anyway, Richard enters the office, but he is immediately accosted by Dean Ed, his wife (Mindy), and Keith. Mindy informs Richard that their son "Jason" is dying of bone cancer, and his paternity test (nice touch) indicates that he's a suitable donor. Richard hesitates for a moment, but tells her that while there was a time he could have been there for Jason, she kept him away and turned Jason against him. They argue, and then Dean Ed butts in to ask if Richard can "act like an actual human being for three seconds out of your otherwise completely worthless life!" Well, after that speech, I'm not guessing those three seconds are going to occur anytime soon. And indeed, Richard bails as Mindy, um, "cries."
Weevil's putting his toolbox in his car, apparently just having gotten off work, when he spies Logan with a girl nearby. It's lucky for her this isn't the old days, or Weevil would be shooting her in the head with a nail gun first and asking questions later. The girl leaves, and Weevil accosts Logan. They greet each other as "Joe College" and "Jose Lunchpail." Hee. Weevil can barely get off a comment about how Logan is "lining up [his] girlfriend" before Lamb pulls up...
...and soon after, Sacks is finding some contraband from the party in Weevil's car. Lamb holds up a pair of handcuffs, and suggests they do his Miranda rights in harmony this time: "I'll take lead, you take tenor." He doesn't suggest Logan go coloratura, but I have a feeling he could handle it. Anyway, Lamb puts Weevil into the car as Logan snarks at Weevil. Before Lamb drives off, though, he gets on his horn and blares at Logan, "Hey good-lookin'! We'll be back to pick you up later!" It's at this point Jeff Probst would raise an arm and announce, "Fanfic writers ready? GO!" What's more, I have the feeling it would be the first challenge in which he'd be an active participant. (And yes, I know about Mr. Microphone. That shit was pretty gay, too.)
Sheriff's station. Lamb comes out and mildly harasses a waiting Veronica. Upon learning that she's there to get her necklace back, he mock-disbelievingly asks, "You actually believe that the bad guy did it?" He then goes into a damn good robot, complete with electronic-sounding "Does not compute! Does not compute!" Hee. Veronica notes that he must have been fun in the eighties, and Lamb actually smiles somewhat fondly at this. I think said smile indicates real acknowledgement of her speculation, and given that, I'm annoyed that she didn't at least try to get him to do the electric slide. Veronica asks how Lamb knew to search Weevil's car, and he tells her that Weevil used a credit card lifted from one of the wallets in the casino holdup to order a pizza (from "Mamma Mia's") to his apartment. And here's where if I were Weevil, I'd be really insulted if Veronica didn't completely drop him as a suspect. Questioning his integrity is one thing, but accusing him of horribly sloppy execution? Them's fightin' words.
Cut to Veronica at Weevil's cell. She asks where the necklace is, like WAKE UP, girl, so he has to explain that he's been framed. They have a reasonably funny moment where they laugh about her taking his word for it, but seriously, give it up already.
Wallace is studying when there's a knock at his door. It's his stupid friend, who's got two girls and two movies with him and suggests an "instant party." No, they're not that kind of movies, which is a shame, because then Wallace could get back to studying quicker. Wallace fights the good fight, but then the guy gives him the number of a "tutor," so Wallace lets the party in. I hope Wallace at least buys Piz some Febreze.
Veronica goes up to the counter at a pizza place. A young kid working the register turns toward her, and rather hilariously looks at her all slackjawed for a moment until he blurts out her name. Veronica reads his nametag to see that he's called "Danny," and he starts babbling about how he went to Neptune High, and enthusiastically rattles off a few of her exploits before Veronica gets him to focus because she needs his help. She tells him about the pizza order, which she says went out the night before. So they're contending that Weevil ordered the pizza to his house before getting there? Okay, fine. He was hungry. I think I can buy that. Danny tells her that all their phone calls go through the computer for identification purposes, which makes handling repeat business a lot more efficient, and does kind of an adorable simulation of fielding an order. Veronica, for her part, looks at him like he's a mildly revolting scientific specimen, and it would be nice if she treated someone so clearly stricken with a case of hero worship with a little more diplomacy, if not kindness. But then again, it's not like she's ever known what it means to be widely disliked. Seriously, what the fuck is up her ass? Such a pill. Uch. Anyway, Danny quickly discovers that the order in question came in over the internet, and only their manager has the authority to request an order's origin from their ISP, and he's not in. Veronica: "Any way we can make like he is?"
Cut to Danny on the phone, pretending to be his boss, and if the accent he's putting on is any indication, he's working for Vlad The Impaler. And it that's the case, I hope he doesn't touch the pepperoni or the sausage.
Sometime later, Veronica is looking at an email from Danny, titled "Your request, Madame." Aw. How cute is he? VMVO tells us that the order was placed from a public Hearst computer hub "just forty feet away from where Weevil was dry-walling." She notes, though, that hundreds of people have access to the computer cluster, and admits that she's back at square one. She picks up her bag, but is chagrined to discover there's gum stuck to it. Looking around, she sees a young girl sitting nearby, chomping on the same color gum. Veronica patronizingly asks the girl if she has any idea how her gum got from her mouth to the chair Veronica's bag was on. The girl gets up and lisps, "I thought this was supposed to be a good school. Shouldn't you be, like, smart?" It's too bad they had to show Veronica's stunned reaction here, because that would have been the perfect comment off of which to cut to Wallace. The girl heads into the campus cop headquarters as Veronica impotently gapes.
Cliff is telling Keith some war story, and you know I love him, but this is poor use of his services. Lamb and some swarthy dude with a badge enter, and Lamb points Keith out. Lamb introduces "Detective Sanchez" from the LAPD, and Sanchez asks Keith if he presented himself as an "Adrian Monk" (heh) to Grieco's building manager, and ordered him to let him into Grieco's apartment. Keith flippantly tells Sanchez that maybe he asked politely, and perhaps the Marses got a family rate on douchebaggery over the summer. Seriously, where the hell does he get off acting like such an asshole to an officer that he doesn't even know, when he was clearly in the wrong? I don't know if he's showing off for the benefit of Cliff, Lamb, or both, but this is the least I've liked him since the pilot. Blech. Anyway, Keith obnoxiously and sarcastically holds out his wrists, but Sanchez informs him that impersonating a county employee is the least of his problems -- it turns out Grieco is missing, and Keith is the leading suspect in his disappearance. Go ahead, hold the wrists out again, ass.
Back at Mars Investigations, Sanchez asks Keith what he was looking for in Grieco's apartment. Cliff stands up and asks if they're actually charging Keith with anything. Lamb and Sanchez exchange a look, and Cliff smoothly offers to set up an appointment should they wish to speak with Keith further. It's cute when he remembers that he's an attorney. Cliff holds out a card for Lamb, but Lamb declines: "I know your number. It's all over the bus benches. 'Call Cliff and get off.'" Cliff amusingly sings his radio jingle, and then Sanchez tells Keith they'll be keeping an eye on him. Keith actually flaps his lips in a sarcastic faux-"I'm sooooo scared" expression. Not only is he completely out of line, but he's confusing poor Lamb, who's completely befuddled that he's not the biggest dick in the scene. I cannot believe how over the Mars family I am at the moment. Sanchez and Lamb leave, and Keith compliments Cliff on his good work. Cliff holds up a sandwich and shakes it: "When you're here, you're family!" Don't threaten to become a Mars, Cliff. I don't think I could take it if I started disliking you.
Sometime later, Keith informs Cliff that the stepson, Jason O'Dell, was discharged the day before, and they speculate that Dean Ed and his wife kidnapped Grieco. Cliff darkly says that scenarios such as this tend to end badly, because basically, there's not much incentive for the kidnappers to keep a pissed-off, marrow-light victim alive. I'll trust that Cliff is extrapolating a bit here. Keith declares his intention to track down the O'Dells, and asks Cliff for access to his "researcher." I guess as you get older, it makes sense from a physical standpoint to farm out the actual ambulance-chasing.
Keith busts into Dean Ed's office in a right state and asks where his stepson is. Dean Ed heavily says that he just got off the phone with his wife, and she and Jason are in Mexico, but she refused to tell him at which hospital. Apparently Mindy's brother is helping her, and they're going forward with the marrow-stealing. I don't know if it's meant to be implied that Mindy's brother is a doctor (or if he even exists, actually), but still, getting an entire surgical team to assist in a very disturbing felony seems like it would be pretty difficult, especially in the U.S. Oops. Keith says he'll track her down, and Dean Ed offers to go with him, in case he gets her on the line in order to track her call. "I could say half a sentence and get her to yell at me for three hours." I will say I've heard less believable things in this life.
Jail. Veronica arrives at Weevil's cell again, and Weevil tells her that one of the Hearst maintenance guys found the masks and the guns used in the holdup in a dumpster. He came to Weevil instead of going to Lamb because he wasn't sure if the evidence would hurt or help Weevil, and Weevil confesses that he's not clear on that point either. Veronica suggests a trace of the guns would be the way to go, but Weevil informs her that the guns weren't even real. Veronica looks stunned as she realizes that she could still have her necklace if she'd gone for one swift kick to the goolies.
Veronica finds the college theater company mid-rehearsal of something that seems way too existential for me to sit through. Even recapping it, I'm running at a cup of coffee a sentence. Anyway, the bored theater people, never shifting their straight-ahead gazes, tag-team their bored responses to Veronica's questions, saying that they don't have prop guns, but the film department does, and by the way, she can tell them that the theater people loved "their little opening-night present." Veronica's confused, so they tell her that the stage is covered in Pam. Veronica asks who Pam is, and that's pretty preposterous. I mean, I've never used the stuff in my life, but you can't tell me she's gotten this far in life without ever watching The Price Is Right. (Which seriously is still about the best show ever. I can't believe Bob Barker is finally retiring! Okay, okay, I'll get on with it.) Anyway, a theater dude clarifies that they're unable to use their stage because it's covered in cooking spray, a predicament perpetrated by the film department, because they were unhappy the theater people scheduled their opening night on the same weekend as the short film festival. Veronica suggests that maybe it was their way of saying, "break a leg," causing the theater people's heads to snap toward her in unison. Veronica goes into an overdone Catskills routine on her way out. She could simply have gone with "tough room," but they do break down the fourth wall on this show an awful lot already.
Wallace goes to see the "tutor," who, surprise surprise, is a merchant of illicit study guides. He tells Wallace that his teacher has used the same exam for the past three years, which seems convenient to the storyline, but isn't so out there that I can't believe it. The guy glibly tells Wallace that the "study guide" is a hundred bucks, and the answers to the study guide are another hundred. People on the boards were divided on whether studying old tests is generally kosher, but given that the guy is still using the same test, I would say that real-world question is irrelevant. Anyway, Wallace buys the guide but not the answers. Rationalize all you want, Wallace, but you're starting pretty far down the slippery slope here.
Veronica and Logan are looking around at the film festival. Logan, looking at the screen, asks Veronica whether she knows about the whole "life imitating art" thing. I'm half-expecting to see a short about a murderous movie star getting shot in the head, but I think Logan would show more emotion in that case. Although I have to admit I'm not completely sure which emotion would come to the surface. No, the short film shows two guys in Nixon and Carter masks robbing a convenience store at gunpoint. Veronica stares, but sadly does not give a Keanu-esque "whoa." Veronica, you cannot afford to miss these shots at redemption!
After the break, Veronica has found the filmmaker. She tells him about the robbery, but he blows her off to talk to Logan, asking if he's ever thought of investing in..."No," from Logan. Hee. Good think he's got that response down, because I suspect we're approximately a billion instances away from the last time he'll be hit up for funds from industry people. Anyway, the film department's entire equipment truck was stolen a week earlier, and while the campus police tracked it down, the guns and masks were missing.
Wallace is studying. He gets frustrated. Cut to him showing up at the "tutor"'s door with another hundred bucks. Well, that wasn't so hard now, was it? Whoops. Bad choice of expressions.
Keith and Dean Ed are looking around in what's presumably a Mexican hospital when Keith gets a call from Cliff. He's chagrined, and when he hangs up, he informs Dean Ed and us that Jason is actually at Sisters of Mercy in San Diego, and Mindy's uncle is an oncologist there. Dean Ed is busted, but also lucky, because...that doesn't seem like it would have been so hard to discover. Maybe the researcher was busy with other things, like where to get the cheapest bulk hair products for his boss. You have to admit that that information is pretty important to Cliff. Anyway, Dean Ed admits to the whole twisted plan, and asks what choice Grieco left him. I'm not a professional mediator, but I think perhaps trying to talk to him more than once has a certain appeal as plans go.
Test time. Wallace gets up before anyone else is done, or so it looks, hands in his paper, and leaves. The teacher looks at it, and after several seconds, appears puzzled. Dude, if you're confused, what chance do the students have?
In a residential neighborhood, Veronica, accompanied by Backup, knocks on a door. The bald Campus Cop appears and asks who she is. Veronica, with a sunny smile, puts her hand around her throat to jog his memory. Hee. The guy coolly tries to cover by ordering some Girl Scout Cookies. Veronica tells him he can keep everyone else's stuff -- she only wants the necklace back. She goes on that he had to do the talking because his partner's thick accent would give him away. She reconstructs the entire crime, but the guy points out that she lacks proof. She demurs, as she produces the masks, and says there's a lot of hair in them that would give away the culprits' identities. It is awfully convenient that the guys disposed of the masks on campus, but I suppose they could have been dumb enough to think they were clean. After all, the busy life of a campus cop doesn't leave a whole lot of time for watching C.S.I.. Veronica offers the masks for her necklace, and the guy bargains for a day to get the necklace back. However, that's his last mistake, as Veronica pulls out a wire from her cleavage, and Pacinos, "Say hello to my little friend." Heh. A siren blares in the distance, so it looks like Hearst is about to have a couple of openings in security. Maybe Weevil's interested -- let's play the Jeffersons theme song!
Sisters Of Mercy. As they pedeconference, Dean Ed tells Keith. "You need me to get on my knees, I'll get on my knees!" I think the script supervisor got some pages mixed up, since Logan and Weevil's scene together is long past. Dean Ed begs Keith not to stop the operation, as his son (who we learn here is nine years old) will die. He adds that killing Grieco isn't part of the plan, so Keith points out that he and everyone involved are going to prison for a long time. Dean Ed asks Keith what he would do if it were Veronica, and I'm so glad Keith needed that anvilicious reminder to be sympathetic to the plight of a nine-year-old cancer victim.
Back at the Campus Cop's house, Lamb informs Veronica that they found a bunch of the stuff from the robbery, but not her necklace. He suggests that maybe the Asian guy has it, and he has a car going over to the guy's place at that moment. Wow, he sounds...concerned? Sympathetic?!? Even, shall I say...nice?!!!!!????!! You'll forgive all the extra punctuation, but it's what happens when my world gets rocked. And if said extra punctuation is off-putting to you, you won't want to be around should Sacks ever show up having shaved his mustache. A local news van pulls up, and Lamb smarms that "someone" tipped them off. He starts over toward the crew, but stops to add, "You see how well this works when you play by the rules, Veronica?" So I guess one of his rules is "Don't bother me with your silly little tales of having been roofied and raped." It would explain a lot about the state of the current school investigation.
Frustrated, Veronica gets into her car as a Johnny Cash song ("Busted") kicks up and a Neptune school bus arrives. Once the bus has pulled away, Veronica watches as the obnoxious gum girl talks to the bald Campus Cop, who looks to be her father. The girl rushes over and starts giving Veronica a honking load of shit, and Veronica responds by reaching out and grabbing Lilly's necklace right off her. Without a word or a second glance, she drives off. There's been much discussion on the boards about this scene. My opinion is that while grabbing something away from a kid is never going to be one's finest moment, Veronica did what she had to there without any unnecessary bitchery or pleasure. Which alone makes it worthy of note.
As the song continues, Wallace gets a knock on his door, and it's his unamused TA. Cut to him shuffling into class to face his professor. A lot of people think instead of cheating, Wallace made a big confession in his test book exposing the guy who gave him the answers. I admit that the way Wallace cheated was horribly amateurish, but...sometimes the musical cues are meant to be less subtle than other times, you know?
Weevil gets let out of jail.
Dean Ed and his wife wait anxiously at their son's bedside.
As the song fades out, we cut to "One Week Later." The clarification seems unnecessary and out of character for this show, but I suppose with a merger comes a whole new kind of network notes. Keith appears with Grieco in tow, and Grieco tells Lamb that he's sorry for all the fuss, but he went camping for a week and left his cell phone at home. Lamb's pissed, but he seems to know there's nothing he can do.
Outside, Grieco tells Keith that he will no longer be entertaining talk of alimony or child support from his wife. Keith tells him that's all spelled out in the documents he signed. I can only imagine that means Cliff got some legal fees out of the deal. Maybe he can use the proceeds for some less, um, assy advertising. Grieco gets into a pretty sweet-looking convertible, also apparently part of the hush deal, and drives away as Keith wonders why everyone on the show but him is getting to trade up in the car department.
Veronica checks her email, and the camp list finally comes through.
On a residential street, Veronica is telling Logan about Claire, and exposits that they're approaching the house of the only Asian male in Southern California who went to Camp Waterloo in the last five years. One wonders how she could tell that simply from their names, but maybe there aren't any part-Asian males with non-Asian surnames in Southern California. I certainly don't know anywhere near ten personally or anything. Veronica once again has Backup with her, by the way, and I hope they're not going over his season scene quota just in this one episode. Veronica knocks, and asks the white dude who opens the door if "Wang Yi" is there. The guy says he's not, and asks why she's asking. Veronica produces the photo and says that Wang "raped this girl." Wow, professional! Anyway, the guy thinks that claim is dubious, as "she's Wang's girlfriend." Veronica wonders how many times she can be wrong before people start to notice. Hate to break it to you, hon, but even Backup rolled his eyes all, "Here we go again."
Just to give you the short version, if Claire, as it appears, faked her own rape, I think she did so without the knowledge of the rest of the Liliths, simply because I don't believe Nancy would have volunteered the information about thinking she saw Claire if she'd been in on the plan. But we'll find out soon enough.