So Bye, Bye, Miss Lillian Kane...

S01E22

Veronica is walking Backup 2.0 through a crowd of people. In a nice bit of editing, when the ones behind her disperse, Logan is standing there. He appears to be wearing a surfer's wetsuit under his shirt, which would imply that he went home and changed? Okay. He asks if they broke up. Veronica looks both guilty and scared, but asks what he wants her to say. Logan: "'Logan, I'm gonna go home, and put my head in the oven because I can't go on living knowing what a heartless bitch I am!'" Dude, if you want her to give that long a speech, at least hand her the sides. Veronica threatens to sic Backup 2.0 on him, but Logan calls her bluff, getting down on his knees to receive an affectionate kiss from the dog. Aw. Logan sniffles a bit, and then more calmly tells Veronica that he knew Lilly was seeing someone, and it was driving him crazy. (I do think the way in which he's telling her this story implies that, on an intellectual level, he can understand why Veronica would think things look bad for him.) When he left Mexico, he didn't know how he was going to react when he saw Lilly again. He parked across the street from the car wash and watched her, and this feeling came over him, like he knew it was over. Apparently, he didn't know the half of it. He wrote her a note and left it in her car. Veronica asks if it was with the shot glass, and he confirms that. Logan adds that if Veronica read the letter, she'd know he'd never have hurt Lilly. A horn honks repeatedly, and Keith gets out of his car and yells for Logan to get away from Veronica. He keeps screaming as he comes toward them, but the effect is made somewhat comical by the fact that he's jogging though sand. Logan, if you don't get away from her within fifteen minutes, there's gonna be trouble! Logan makes himself scarce, and Keith hugs Veronica and asks if she and Logan are dating. Veronica: "Not anymore." If you freeze the frame and look at the ocean, you can just make out a boat named Pacific Princess disappearing under the waves.

Veronica looks melancholy as VMVO tells us that Logan's letter was never discovered. People on the boards wondered if Weevil could have taken it from the spy pen, but if it's as exonerating as Logan claims, it seems unlikely that Weevil would have tried to bash his brains in. Veronica watches a video of her and Lilly dancing around and singing along to the Spice Girls' "Wannabe." Hee. I went to a Halloween party at which five of my friends dressed up as the Spice Girls back in 1997. I bet you didn't know that Posh Spice could be effectively played by a six-foot-seven man. I will say, however, that the rendition of "Wannabe" at that party was a bit less, er, crisp than the one Veronica and Lilly are currently performing. VMVO adds that if Lilly wanted to keep the letter a secret, she's got an idea of where it might be. She flashes back to Lilly telling her that a guy she met in Italy sent her some pictures. She gets up on a chair and uses an electric screwdriver to take off the grate on an air vent, explaining that Mommie Sneerest is "a bit on the nosy side." To counter that, Lilly left matchbooks around the room with phone numbers of "Tyrone, and Leroy, and Chico." Veronica asks who they are. Lilly: "Beats me. But they seem to really upset Mom." Hee. Lilly shows Veronica the pictures, and Veronica's eyes go wide as she says they're naked photos. Lilly: "They certainly are." Considering their reactions, I'm guessing that underneath this guy's clothes, there's an endless story. When he's wearing clothes, that is.

Inside, Veronica and Lianne are chopping vegetables for dinner. Each has a spoon in her mouth, which Lianne claims prevents tears. I would have thought the ironic reminder of the fact Veronica's not one of the many kids in Neptune who was sucking on that particular piece of cutlery from birth might be a cause of woe. But hey, I'm not much of a cook. Anyway, Lianne directs Keith to put on the radio and, when he complies, objects to the genre, since they're making tacos. Veronica laughs at her mother's need to have the music match the meal, but Lianne says she's setting a mood. It would have been cool if Keith had accidentally turned on "Margaritaville," but after last week's incest revelation, perhaps they're all out of Un! Comfortable!. Lianne then says that the music they're listening to is for spaghetti Bolognese and a nice Chianti. She follows up, "Um...sans the chianti," demonstrating that while the Un! Comfortable! may be in short supply, there's still plenty of awkward to go around. They all talk about music for different meals. Keith gets in on the act, and Lianne raises her water bottle in his direction. I'd make a comment about its being bad luck to toast with water, except I've seen the episode, and I'd have to admit that Lianne is a couple steps ahead of me. In more than one sense, given that it's before 5 PM where I am right now. Keith puts on a speedy version of "La Bamba," which everyone says is perfect. You all that have been here from the beginning probably don't need me to point out the crashing and burning foreshadowing.

Mars Investigations. Keith takes forever and a day to open the envelope. He looks at the results, but Cliff's voice cuts in, "Tell me this is a joke." If you mean that we have to wait even longer to settle the question of Veronica's parentage, I'm afraid I can't. Cliff clarifies that Keith wants to sue the Kanes, and Keith confirms that. Cliff: "Please tell me there's another Kane family in town. Maybe a Boris and Gilda Kane?" No, but think how much more fun it would be if those were the Kane parents' names! Jake could twirl a cartoon mustache and pursue misadventures involving a moose and a squirrel, and Celeste could touch our hearts with wacky sketch comedy before dying tragically of ovarian cancer. Fun for everyone! Keith assures Cliff that the Kanes will settle. Cliff is unconvinced, but asks, "Anything you need me to have notarized?" Yes, a statement from you that you will be back season. I mean it.

Cut to a headline in the "San Diego Dispatch" detailing Cheyenne's claim. Considering how far we have to pan up to see the reader, this is a minor example of "burying the lead." Of course, considering one reader is Dick Casablancas, the camera guy couldn't be blamed for starting as far away as possible. Beaver is reading over Dick's shoulder, and he's agitated about the phone records and the shoes. Dick tells him that they don't mean anything, and that he needs to chill: "To the grave, man, that's what we said." In keeping with certain horror conventions that appear later in the episode, I'll say this: I know what you did last spring, you two. Now if you'll give me a minute to scrub my brain, we'll all be good.

Wallace is reading highlights of the story to Veronica as they walk down the hall. Veronica says you'd think it would be gross to read a love letter to your dad, but she kind of enjoys it. Moving right along. Veronica sees Logan down the hall, and practically breaks the sound barrier shoving Wallace into the girls' bathroom. Wallace: "My blonde-pulling-me-into-the-girls'-room fantasy? Ruined!" Veronica asks, "Do me a favor?," but Wallace simultaneously parrots her, and even adds in her signature head-tilt. Hee. Veronica asks him to go out and tell her when Logan's gone, and Wallace good-naturedly agrees, but asks how much longer Veronica thinks she can avoid him. This would appear to settle the question of whether she told Wallace about Logan during her big confession last episode. Well, it's good that she thinks dating Logan isn't more shameful than incest. But "No worse than incest!" still isn't exactly a testimonial. No wonder you don't see it on a lot of billboards.

Mars Investigations. Alicia dolefully looks out the window. Keith says he doesn't want to hurt her, but that if there's a chance to keep his family together, he's got to take it. This...strikes me as a little false, mainly because we've never seen any on-screen evidence of Keith and Lianne being happy. Also, remember Keith's emotional outburst that he didn't care to find Lianne? I mean, I'm sure she made a good pitch about the rehab and everything, but there's still the cheating to contend with, and Keith and Alicia really seemed to be serious. I know Keith's doing it mainly for Veronica but still -- eh. Alicia, on the same wavelength, asks if this is really what Keith wants but, getting no answer, starts to break down and leaves, passing Veronica, on the way, with a significant look. Veronica asks Keith if everything's okay, and Keith responds that he had to tell Alicia that his situation has changed. Veronica gives a heartfelt "Sorry," but opines that Alicia has to understand, what with Lianne coming back and all. Yes, I'm sure the working widow raising two kids on her own is tripping all over herself to vacate her romantic spot for the cheating, abandoning, useless trash. She's probably just crying from stubbing her toe, so extreme was her haste to get out of the way. Veronica and Keith hug. Well, that's nice, at least.

Jake and Mommie Sneerest are discussing the seating arrangements for a big splashy party they're throwing for the governor. Mommie Sneerest asks when they became Republicans. I'm backing away slowly from that one. Jake says they're just "going with the flow," and starts to launch into some praise about the governor's social policies, but Mommie Sneerest is all, "Spare me." Hee. Duncan barges in accusingly with the news that Koontz didn't kill Lilly. Mommie Sneerest tries to deny the story, but Duncan isn't having it, saying they treat him like he's six years old, and they always have. Jake, despite Mommie Sneerest's protests, decides that it's time Duncan knew the truth: Duncan killed Lilly in an epileptic fit. Flashback to Duncan holding Lilly in his arms as Mommie Sneerest calls to him. Her hair is short in this flashback, and given that this is supposed to be the real thing, that's a problem. Realizing something's wrong, they rush forward, and Duncan turns to them with blood all over his mouth. He's holding Lilly's corpse in his arms. Mommie Sneerest breaks down, and Jake looks like he's in shock. Back in the present, Mommie Sneerest goes to get the door as Jake tells him that Lilly's death was an accident. He hugs Duncan as he says that the cover-up was for Duncan, so that he could have a future. Duncan cries into his dad's chest as Mommie Sneerest announces that Keith is suing them. Jake looks at her with an "I'm a little busy here" look, which, I'm sorry to say, is the best acting he did in that scene. Teddy Dunn did well there, and Lisa Thornhill was her usual acerbic bitchy self, but Kyle Secor was waaaaay off, what with the total lack of affect. Given his freak-out at the end of the episode, perhaps he could have averaged out his emotional output in the two scenes a little.

Pan into Veronica sitting in the darkened journalism room, and the creepy music and late setting make me think I'm back in the first season of Buffy. But Beaver appears, and I relax, because he's so scrawny that I think Veronica could take him even if he were a vampire. Veronica greets him, and he tells her his real name is "Cassidy." Man. Cassidy Casablancas? Seems to me that if you give your kid a name with two "Cass" syllables in it, you're exponentially increasing the chances that he'll choke to death on a ham sandwich. And if that's the case, they gave that name to the wrong kid, as fitting as Dick's name may be in every other way. Beaver says there's something Veronica should know: when Logan was in Mexico with them, he was upset about Lilly seeing someone new, and actually left early the morning Lilly was killed to drive back to Neptune to see her. It's very worth noting, also, that Beaver prefaces this information by saying that he's telling Veronica for her own good, which implies that he thinks Logan might hurt Veronica. For anyone who thinks Veronica was overly harsh to Logan later, I have to point out that this could have had an impact on her thinking. Anyway, this revelation is so stunning that they cut to commercials without even playing the theme song. Or maybe including it would have caused the episode to explode like a tube of toothpaste in airplane luggage, not that that's ever happened to me and I'm bitter about it or anything.

Mars Investigations. Veronica tells Keith that, according to Beaver, Logan bought Lilly a shot glass that read, "I Got Baked In Ensenada." Veronica opines that Lilly would have loved it: she collected shot glasses. Fitting though it might be, I don't exactly need a shot of anything to deal with the shock of that revelation. But I'll keep one nearby, since it may come in handy on this show. Keith asks if she's okay, and then his brain catches up with his ears as he realizes that the shot glass in question was found in Lilly's car during the murder investigation. He asks if Veronica knows what this means. Well, I think it means that, out of the teenagers she's dated, one was a drug dealer, one was her brother, and one may have murdered her best friend. Hey, come back, Icetwin! You're looking awfully good by comparison!

School. Garbage's "Bad Boyfriend" plays. Veronica, seemingly between classes, spies Logan at his locker. He sees her, and pissily turns his attention to his books. She dons her best fake I-don't-suspect-you-of-murder smile, and walks over and greets him. He looks around, and snarks, "I exist? I thought I felt different today." Well, if you're feeling that different, perhaps you can get through the episode without a fey mannerism. Remember, if you flip me off without keeping your wrist locked, I win! Veronica confesses that she's been avoiding him, and says she freaked out about how close they were getting, and felt guilty about Duncan and Lilly, and the night was tough enough to begin with. Logan understands, but wishes she had just told him this instead of bolting. He confesses that he's freaked out too, because with the Koontz revelation, Duncan seems like the most logical culprit, knowing what they know about his condition: "I have this feeling that things are gonna get really bad." I guess he's not talking about the cold sore on his lip, because that's already there. Veronica says she needs a couple more days, and then she'll be back to normal. Logan's a little disappointed, but agrees, and kisses her on the forehead.

When he's gone, Veronica calls Keith and tells him what Logan said, and then asks for news. Keith informs her that the Tijuana border patrol got back to him, and that Logan left Mexico just before 9 in the morning on the day Lilly was murdered. Veronica breathes that Logan had plenty of time to get back to Neptune and kill Lilly. They hang up, and Weevil emerges from the empty classroom behind Veronica. I'll note that Logan's locker is mere feet from that classroom, and no one else was around before Veronica came on the scene. Hey, I'm just employing full disclosure, much like Weevil and Logan. Sensing Weevil's presence, Veronica turns, and says that the call wasn't what it sounded like. Weevil: "It sounded a lot like Logan killed Lilly." Oh, then it was what it sounded like. Weevil adds that "these rich boys think they can get away with anything." He leaves, and Veronica's left to consider whether she really wants her normal "an eye for an eye" philosophy applied to the guy she's currently dating.

Keith and Cliff meet with Mommie Sneerest and her lawyer. Mommie Sneerest says that she'll pay the $50,000 reward for Keith's finding Duncan if Veronica will sign away any claim to the Kane estate. Some people on the boards said that Veronica can't legally sign away her rights until she's eighteen. Hey, I'm three and a half acts from summer vacation. You think I'm researching that, you're the one to whom that shot glass's message applies. Cliff doesn't know what's going on, but Keith says he'll allow Veronica to make the decision, as soon as he figures out how to explain it to her. Mommie Sneerest: "Keith, we both know your daughter knows exactly why she's being asked to sign this. And we both know it's better for everyone if she does." Well, at least she's a compassionate conservative. Poor Cliff is so flummoxed that we don't even get a witty rejoinder from him. There's a first time for everything.

Mars Investigations. Veronica enters, and Keith invites her to sit on the couch with him. He explains that Mommie Sneerest agreed to pay the reward if Veronica signs the papers waiving any claim to the Kane fortune. Veronica doesn't hesitate to sign, and Keith gets choked up as he asks her if she knows what she just gave away. She flatly tells him that there's nothing she wants from them, and he confirms that that's exactly what she parted with -- nothing. He produces the test results, and tells her he's her father. She breaks down and they share a long hug, and then she's all, "Yeah you are!" He counters that her charm isn't learned behavior: "That's genetics, baby!" Aw. And baldness doesn't even come from the father's side. Despite this touching moment, I'm not sure how much I like Keith's testing Veronica with the waiver. I certainly don't blame him for being curious about how she'd react, but actually forcing her to prove herself denies faith in her feelings, and it's not something he can now undo. The more I think about it, the more I think this shows quite a defect of character, not that you'd know it by their goofy smiles. Veronica suggests that they put a dent in the reward check and celebrate, and given what's to come, that's a suggestion that shouldn't have withered on the vine. Keith, however, thinks that they have enough on Logan to go to the authorities. Veronica's smile collapses on the inside.

Chez Echolls. Officer Fuckface shows up with a couple of deputies in tow. He shows Haaron a warrant, and says that they need to search Logan's room. Haaron asks why, and Fuckface tells him that there's new information in the Lilly Kane murder case. Haaron does look subtly shifty here, although I find it hard to believe that he wouldn't at least have heard about the Koontz news. Haaron starts to protest, but Fuckface is all, "Come on now. You've been in like, what, thirty cop movies?" Hee. I'm going to type what I hope is the last I-can't-believe-I'm-writing-this sentence of the season: I've missed you, Fuckface. He tells his deputy to search the air vents. Haaron calls after them: "Where's my son?"

Well, he's walking out of school, and given the manner in which he's doing so, I have to say this: I win. Weevil, standing in wait, falls into step behind Logan and looks quite menacing indeed. He produces what looks like a lead pipe from the sleeve of his jacket and is about to brain Logan. However, the appearance of the local authorities saves Logan's pretty face and Weevil from being burned in internet effigy. The officers take Logan into custody as Weevil makes himself scarce.

Officer Fuckface taps the desk in front of him for emphasis as he asks why Logan lied about his whereabouts. Logan: "How many episodes of NYPD Blue did you have to watch to get that finger-tapping down?" Hee. And that show is still on, right? They're going to have to make an animatronic version of Dennis Franz soon. I only hope they take some liberties with the buttocks, to prevent nationwide corneal scarring. ["They won't have to; it just ended in March, finally." -- Wing Chun] Logan and Fuckface snark back and forth until Logan gets permission to make his one phone call. He rings Veronica and asks her to work the "Veronica magic" that gets people out of situations like the one he's currently in. Veronica distantly agrees, and Logan hangs up, satisfied that there's one person that believes in him. You might call that feeling a "bubble." Fuckface happily informs Logan that it was Veronica's information that led to his arrest. You might say that this revelation causes the aforementioned bubble to "burst." Yay for metaphors! Logan looks stunned as we go to commercials. Aw, that was tougher than overcooked steak for the Logan aficionados. But look! Metaphors! Shiny!

Fuckface is chowing some food when he gets a call from Keith, who asks him what he found out about Logan. Fuckface: "Among other things, I'm pretty sure he's dating your daughter." Keith's looks of horror is priceless. He may not fear the Reaper, but I'm pretty sure he's afraid of this. Fuckface adds that Veronica's pretty "hard-boiled." Heh. I don't think Fuckface is even trying to be a dick here, which is kind of hilarious. In fact, he sounds kind of admiring, which can only add to Keith's consternation. Keith manages to direct the conversation back to Logan, and Fuckface says they had to let him go, since they had nothing to hold him on, and he "lawyered up." Keith asks Lianne where Veronica is, and Lianne tells him she took Backup 2.0 out. I'm surprised that Lianne used the singular there, given that in her normal state her vision is such that she thinks they own four dogs.

VMVO wonders what one wears to meet the governor. Cut to her sporting a cater waiter's uniform, and a black wig and glasses that make her look like Janeane Garafolo with a perm given by a drunken stylist. And speaking of, Veronica takes a swig out of a water bottle in the refrigerator and spits it out, the implication being that the liquid's proof is a positive number. It's probably vodka, with the lack of an odor and all. She asks information for "the Hazelwood facility in SoCal." I'm guessing the person who handles refunds is not going to be available for her.

Party. Veronica walks around with a tray as someone opines that "the crab puffs are fantastic." That line sounds like it was looped in from Austria, if you take my meaning. Hee. I would have like them to follow up with a shot at Maria Shriver, though. Veronica looks around as she heads for an unpopulated area. I should note that this scheme does seem elaborate, since she could just have told Duncan the situation and he probably would have helped her. But she probably would have had to wait until after the party, so maybe this was the most expeditious way. Also, she's got to have at least some doubt about Logan's guilt if she's going to this much trouble.

Cut to Veronica putting her tray down on a table. It falls off, though, making a loud clatter.

Cut to Veronica entering Lilly's room, turning on the light, and getting on a chair to attend to the grate. She sees that one of the screws is partially undone. Hmm. She continues to work, though, and behind her, the door slowly swings ajar. We get a DUN DUN DUN-cam view before we go to commercial.

When we're back, Duncan enters the room and tackles Veronica off the stepladder. Her wig comes off, and she tells him to stop, and that she's looking for something. He asks if she shouldn't be looking in his room, since that's where all the clues would be. He gets kind of creepy as he keeps grabbing Veronica and telling her to find everything out: "Maybe I left a confession on my Etch-A-Sketch!" Well, I hope there's no confession of the events of the Pomroy party on there. It is a children's toy, after all. Veronica tells Duncan to calm down, and that she doesn't think Duncan killed Lilly -- she thinks Logan did. Duncan hesitantly demurs, but Veronica informs him that Logan was in Neptune the day of the murder, and he found out Lilly was seeing someone -- Weevil, she thinks. A shot from the closet suggests there might be another party to this conversation. And here's another place they could have thrown in Maria Shriver. Come on, you know she's the nosy type. Veronica tells Duncan about Lilly's habit of hiding things in her air vent, and after considering that, Duncan suggests that they see what's in there. So he's not exactly convinced that Logan couldn't have done it, either. Veronica finds three digital videotapes inside, and Duncan tells her he has a camera they can play them on. Well, of course he does. They leave, and we get another shot of the closet. Given how many people are in the closet on this show, I'm surprised they managed to stay quiet.

Cut to Duncan cueing up the first tape. We see the Echollses' pool house, and Lilly pops down on the bed in her pep-squad outfit, causing Veronica to conclude that this was the day she died. Lilly calls for her "lover," but then, much as Veronica did in the last episode, she figures out the presence of the recording equipment. She goes to the cabinet, and the tape cuts off.

The tape is dated October 1st, only two days before Lilly died. So I guess it's possible that she only slept with Haaron after she and Logan had broken up. Not that she covered herself in glory either way, but still. Veronica refers to it as "the other tape," and despite the vigorous discussions about the significance of the third tape on the forums, I think her statement could indicate that it's of no significance. Or, you know, not. Is it summer vacation yet?

Anyway, the tape shows Lilly rolling around in bed with a man. Duncan sort of hilariously averts his eyes during this entire sequence, although from his point of view, he's done a lot worse with a sister. The sex partner pops into view, and -- cue the drum rolls -- it's Haaron. Good call by a number of people, although, as is wont to happen, I don't think everyone is being entirely honest about how sure they were about it. Call it a hunch. A hunch aided by the fact that I've read every single damn post on the boards since September. Veronica, stunned, sits back on the bed, and says she knows what happened.

We see Lilly in the same grey light as the flashback from the beginning of the episode, which makes it entirely clear to me that this is an accurate depiction of what happened, and that Haaron is, without a doubt, the killer. Lilly opens the cabinet and, somewhat amused, steals away the tapes. She leaves just in advance of Haaron entering and cheerily calling her name. Said cheerful demeanor fades, however, when he sees the open cabinet and realizes that the tapes are missing. You'll notice, by the way, that Haaron killed Lilly on October 3rd, and was caughtin flagrante, to use Keith's term, at the Casablancases' party not a month later. Charming. Although, at least he didn't video the Halloween tryst -- that could be considered remorse. Or at least it could in Haaron's mind, which admittedly is twistier than the hedge in The Shining. And there's a lead part for which he wouldn't even have had to get into character.

Cut to Lilly speeding through the red light. Nice. She puts the (here, clearly three) tapes into the vent. She grabs a magazine and some tanning lotion. Out at the pool, Haaron stalks up and demands the tapes. Lilly: "Mr. Echolls, hi! Sorry, Logan's not here." Oh, Lilly. I don't think he's really in the mood for your normal introduction. Particularly since I'm not hearing any "bamp chicka wow wow" music at the moment. Haaron gets more and more worked up, calling Lilly a "stupid little bitch." Lilly breezes that now he can just watch the tapes on Access Hollywood along with the rest of America. Well, as last words go, she could have done a lot worse. Although it is kind of sad to think that a contributing reason she would have made the tapes public is to annoy her mother. Haaron picks up a heavy ashtray and smacks Lilly across the temple. Man, she even gets a lot of air. I'd also point out that this is the most oblique way I've ever seen the message "smoking kills" delivered. Take note, thetruth.com. Haaron psychotically bends down over Lilly, realizes she's dead, and wipes the ashtray off on his shirt and throws it in the pool. He runs off.

Later, Duncan, in his soccer uniform, discovers Lilly's body and freaks. He holds Lilly to him, getting blood on his face, and begs her to wake up. Nice job from Teddy Dunn here. He starts to rock catatonically, which is a nice touch considering how Veronica found him in the pilot. His parents rush over, and the scene we saw earlier unfolds, except that Jake is much more agitated this time around. He repeatedly yells, "What have you DONE!" at Duncan, who's retreated into catatonia. I wonder if Wiedman got stuck with the job of cleaning him up. Not that some people on the forums wouldn't have volunteered for the job.

Duncan, shocked, asks if Haaron could really have done this. Veronica tells him that Haaron's psychotic: "I watched him beat a guy into a bloody mess and then ask Logan how his school day was." Well, sure, but at least there was jaunty music playing. If it didn't soothe the savage breast that time, it at least worked on the audience. Veronica adds that Haaron beats Logan, and Duncan nods like he knew or at least suspected that. Interesting. Duncan tells Veronica that Haaron is at the party. Veronica says she has to get the tapes to her dad, and asks Duncan to keep a close watch on Haaron until she calls. This is ill-conceived, certainly, but if she thinks Haaron isn't going anywhere, it's not absolutely insane. It's also worth pointing out that if Veronica had audibly made a plan with Duncan to stay and call her dad, Haaron might have attempted to kill them both right there. He must have been listening when they played the tapes, just to be sure they were in good enough condition to identify him, because why risk committing an unnecessary murder? Not that knowing all this in retrospect makes Veronica's plan look better, but still. Veronica starts to leave, but Duncan calls after her to be careful. Veronica comes back into the room to tell him that they're not brother and sister. Duncan blinks in shock, and Veronica smiles and leaves. Duncan thinks to himself, "It's okay to enjoy those wet dreams? FUCK YEAH!"

Outside, Veronica calls Keith and catches him up. He tells her to stay put, but she informs him that Haaron's busy at the party, and that she'll be home in ten minutes. She then tries Logan -- who's on the Coronado Bridge, if the establishing shot is any indication -- drinking and flirting with the idea of following in his mom's footsteps. Oh, Logan, don't do it. You haven't got the cushioning in either lips or chest to be able to survive, and if you don't, my boards are going to be a grim place indeed. Except for the party that Demian would throw -- his crab puffs are so good they'd turn a certain governor Democratic. Logan's phone goes to voicemail with this greeting: "You've reached Logan! And here's today's inspirational message: adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels." Hee. Veronica hangs up. Back on the bridge, it occurs to me that Logan's position is a lot like the scene on the bridge in Saturday Night Fever when that guy jumped to his death. The only thing missing so far is a little tag-team rape, but here come Weevil and the bikers to rectify that oversight. I'll also note that "Bad Boyfriend" is playing again, and I'm really flattered if the show paid extra on the music usage just to give me a shout-out. Weevil pulls off his helmet, and Logan drunkenly asks what Weevil thinks he can do to him. Weevil: "I'll think of something." I said it already: gang rape. I recapped Oz. I know whereof I speak. So does Logan, as he beckons Weevil forward with a smile. Grin and bear it, Logan. I should note that Logan's far enough out of town that it seems unlikely Weevil and the bikers would have found him randomly, but it's possible that they were tailing him. Seems like a pretty public place to commit a violent crime, though. It's also possible that Veronica called Weevil -- there was a cut in time there -- but I think that would be pretty cheap for a summer-long cliffhanger. Or "bridgehanger," if you will. Hey, did you ever notice that when someone says "if you will," you usually won't?

Dark road. Veronica answers her phone, and Duncan tells her that he's been asking everyone, but that no one knows where Haaron is. He asks her to call when she gets home, and they hang up. Veronica checks the road, and then the rearview mirror -- and sees Haaron's reflection. Despite a sense that that was coming, it was well done and very creepy. Just to sum up for those in the slow lane, Haaron got the idea of the vents from Fuckface, and decided to search Lilly's room for the tapes. He was working on the vents when the noise from Veronica's dropped tray alerted him, so he hid in the closet. Once he knew Veronica found the tapes, he decided to hide out in her car, which he probably recognized from sometime when she was over visiting Logan. Veronica shrieks and almost loses control of the car, but Haaron calmly tells her to keep driving. Veronica reaches for her bag, in which I assume is her stun gun, but Haaron isn't having that, and grabs the bag himself and secures the tapes. While Veronica could tell him that she's already told her dad and Duncan about Haaron, he'd probably kill her anyway, so I don't blame her for deciding to take drastic measures here. She tugs on her seatbelt to make sure it's secure, and then drives the car straight into a tree, throwing Haaron into the front seat. You'd think he'd have been more careful to secure himself, with all the experience he's had with belts. Smoke rises from the crumpled hood, and the horn heralds the last commercial break of the season.

Speaking of which, you'd think as a matter of respect for how good the show is, they'd spare us commercials for Britney And Kevin: Chaotic. I'm all for anything that gets Stee recapping again, but still.

Veronica's phone is ringing as we return to the wrecked car. With her head on the steering wheel, she groggily regains consciousness.

Keith gets Veronica's voicemail, which sadly does not play an inspirational message. I think Keith could use one right now. Such as, "GET THE FREAKIN' LEAD OUT, BALDY!" Hey, you can be inspirational without being polite. Or so I choose to believe. Keith tells Lianne that he'll be back.

Veronica fully comes to and realizes the situation. She sees Haaron unconscious to her. She manages to retrieve the tapes from her bag, but her phone is down on the floor in front of Haaron. She whimpers as she reaches down slowly to try to retrieve it, looking for all the world like she's reaching into a tiger's mouth with a hand covered in barbecue sauce. Get it over with, honey. Anyway, before Veronica can reach the phone, Haaron stirs. I assume that the stun gun is similarly out of reach. Veronica gets out of the car and runs up a driveway to a nearby house. She seems to be slightly injured, which certainly limits her choices. She desperately knocks on the front door and shrieks for help, but none is forthcoming. She starts to go around back, but sees that the passenger door to the car is now open and Haaron is gone. Given the horror-movie conventions here, it's just ironic that Haaron was a slashervictimon Halloween. Veronica runs around the back of the house, and tosses the three tapes away -- one into a washing machine, one into a garbage can, and one up on the roof. She almost falls off the porch from a scary-looking height. A light comes on upstairs, and she runs to the plate-glass door and starts banging on it. A middle-aged guy opens the curtain, but suddenly drops like a rock. Veronica stares uncomprehendingly until Haaron appears in the glass. Considering that you could knock her over with a feather right now, it's kind of unsporting for Haaron to use his fist. Also, I'm not sure about a fist going through a plate-glass window, but if we're going for a horror-movie feel here, it seems right to overlook details like that. I mean, at least Haaron isn't wearing a hockey mask and surviving bullets and axes to the head and the like. (Hey, I hope I didn't just ruin Season 2 for you.)

We hear Veronica crying, and I hope something's wrong with my picture, because the first thing I think is that Haaron's buried her alive, and Veronica kicks ass in a lot of ways, but I don't think she's had time yet to train with Pai Mei, you know? Just as well -- she's got a smart mouth, and I wouldn't want her to lose an eye. We hear Haaron's electronic-sounding voice, who tells her she's an odd duck, keeping walkie-talkies in her car. She grabs the communicator Haaron left for her, which bathes the enclosed space in a creepy red light. Ooh, this looks more like The Vanishing. And poor Veronica doesn't even have Kiefer to keep her company. We see Haaron sitting on a refrigerator that's turned on its side, inside which Veronica is apparently imprisoned. Haaron tries to get her to give up the tapes, and when she won't tell him where they are, he grabs a can of gasoline. Good thing he's not in the 09er district, so he's got all these handy props available. If he were home, all he could do is pour alcohol and pills down Veronica's throat, and that would really be derivative.

Keith drives, presumably tracking Veronica's cell phone.

Haaron babbles about Joan of Arc's having had a brain tumor as he liberally pours gasoline around. Even someone as rich as you shouldn't be wasting that stuff at today's prices, dude. Also, just a thought: Did Haaron kill the owner of the house? Because if not, you'd think he'd be coming to here. Veronica smells the gas and really starts to freak.

Keith arrives at the crashed car.

Haaron tells Veronica that Lilly wouldn't give up the tapes, either, and maybe there's a cautionary tale. In case you still had doubts, HE DID IT. He expounds on that thought: "I'm not gonna let a seventeen-year-old piece of ass RUIN MY LIFE!" Well, did you ever consider, you know, NOT FUCKING ONE? Sheesh, movie stars. Veronica finally says that the tapes are on the roof, which isn't the whole truth, as we know. Haaron finds the one on high, but then Keith appears, gun drawn. Veronica calls out, and her voice comes through the walkie-talkie in Haaron's hand, causing Keith to look up. Haaron jumps down on him. They grapple, and Keith gets Haaron in a headlock, but Haaron manages to break a bottle on Keith's head, leaving a nasty gash. The two of them grapple and throw things at each other, but the upbeat voice of Dean Martin is decidedly absent, so you know you're not supposed to be enjoying this. Despite the tae kwon do lessons, the fight is pure street, until eventually Haaron gets in a good one and knocks Keith to the ground. Haaron's about to deliver the death blow, but Keith picks up some bit of white-trashery to him and pops Haaron in the goolies. It's about time someone tried to put those out of commission. Haaron goes down, and Keith, almost out of energy, limply punches him a few times. But Haaron produces a Zippo, and with the practiced fingers he was so likely to have, ignites it and tosses it in the refrigerator's direction. It flares up, and Haaron laughs that Keith might want to check up on Veronica. Keith lumbers toward her and tries to figure out how to negotiate the flames as Haaron steals away. Keith lifts up the refrigerator and frees Veronica, but he's very well on fire at this point, possibly from having rolled around on the gasoline-drenched ground. People complained that Keith didn't "stop, drop, and roll" once he freed Veronica, but it actually looks to me like he was attempting to, a little bit, but he was just too incapacitated to pull it off. Veronica grabs what looks like a big horse blanket and successfully beats the flames into submission, and then cries as she says she knew Keith would save her. Aww. Keith can't speak due to smoke inhalation, but we'll just give him the benefit of the doubt that he's saying, "I love you too." He might also be adding, "time frickin' LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL YOU TO STAY AT THE KANE ESTATE." But we'll never know now.

Haaron grabs Veronica's keys out of her bag. I guess she keeps the keys to her own car, which are presumably still in the ignition, separate? Five minutes until summer vacation! Haaron rushes to Keith's car and gets in, but freezes when he hears growling. He looks into the back seat, and Backup 2.0 starts biting his arm. Very nice to see that Keith follows his own advice about always taking Backup, although I would have thought he'd use the dog to help find Veronica. Still, fun reveal. Haaron manages to rip his sleeve and escape the car, but as he stares balefully at Backup 2.0, a passing truck hits him. The truck is a florist's that says "Thomas" on it, complete with a picture of a lily. Hey, if you're going to go all out with the meta, couldn't you have had Diane Ruggiero driving the truck? Instead, it's some guy who apologizes for hitting Haaron, and then recognizes him. I so want him to ask for an autograph, but as he kneels down to help Haaron, Veronica's voice cuts in not to touch him. She's wielding what's presumably Keith's gun, and she instructs the guy to call an ambulance, the police, and the fire department...

...and later, representatives of those institutions have arrived. Veronica cries as she tells Keith, who's being wheeled along on a gurney, that he means the world to her. He asks, "Who's your daddy?" If that's just wrap-up symmetry that we'll never have to hear again, I'll allow it. If not, Rob, I think we're going to have to have another intervention...er, "interview." Veronica laughs through her tears that she hates it when he says that. We get a shot of the owner of the house being treated for his head wound, so that answers that. And I have little enough use for mullets, but I guess you could make the case that this guy's cushioned the blow. Haaron gets his rights read to him, although, between the oxygen mask and all the tape on him, it's not clear he can even hear them. Eh, at least they tried. That's more than I would expect these days. Jake and Duncan arrive on the scene. I guess what happened is that when Duncan didn't hear from Veronica, he assumed the worst, told his parents the real story, and they called the police and got the information about Haaron's arrest. Jake pushes Duncan back and has to be restrained as he yells that he'll destroy Haaron and anyone he ever loved. Well, that's redundant. Jake: "YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER!" Haaron does appear to have heard that, which isn't surprising, since Jake's yelling loudly enough for even Lilly to pick up. Jake is also arrested, for obstruction of justice, although I wouldn't be surprised if they threw in a disturbing the peace charge as well. Duncan watches this agitatedly, and shares a disturbed look with Veronica. Yeah, a processing summit might be in order at some point soon.

Hospital. Veronica -- sporting a nasty bruise from where Haaron clocked her -- watches an unconscious Keith worriedly. The doctor enters and tells her that Keith will be fine, and that she should get some rest. Veronica doesn't want Keith to wake up alone, and the doctor suggests calling someone. Veronica smiles to herself. Well, they both like Deputy Leo, but Keith's going to be kind of out of it. It's probably too much to ask him to filter out the marbles.

Veronica returns home, and a worried Lianne asks what happened and if she's okay. Veronica says she'll tell her the story in the morning, but first she needs Lianne to pack. She emotionally tells Lianne she knows she's still drinking, and that she checked herself out of rehab even though Veronica spent her college money on it: "I bet on you and I lost. I've been doing that my whole life. And I'm through." You know, I just assumed when Lianne appeared at the end of the last episode, it was to contribute something to the murder investigation. If she was staying away to protect Veronica, as she claimed, then why else would she risk returning? But now I'm thinking, despite the pictures, her entire story was a series of exaggerations and lies. At this point, I'd pay to see her gone. (Er. That's an expression, right?) Lianne tells Veronica that it's not easy, but Veronica, with a steely gaze, pointedly says that she knows it's not, and goes into her room.

Keith wakes up to find a smiling Alicia. Awwww. Get ready for stepbrothers, Veronica!

Veronica collapses into bed.

Lianne takes the reward check out of Keith's bag and leaves with her stuff. It's a cashier's check, but it is made out to Keith, so I'm not at all clear that she can negotiate it, but I think we're meant to think she can. Either way, I don't want to say what this makes her, but it rhymes with "white-trash asshole irredeemable witch."

Veronica dreams of herself and Lilly, sporting matching bikinis and chaise longue rafts, floating on a lake full of lilies. They agree that this is how it's supposed to be. The straight males in the audience could not agree more. They share a wistful moment, and Lilly tells Veronica not to forget about her. And just like that, she's gone. Veronica, with a tear running down her face: "I could never." I'd ask who's with her, but perhaps I'll save strain on a lot of rotator cuffs and just ask who's not with her.

A knock at Veronica's door wakes her up. It appears to be 3:07 AM, and if you want a dissection of the significance of that, you can just go on the forums, since I'm about fifteen seconds from summer vacation. Veronica opens the door and smiles: "I was hoping it would be you." And with that, we fade out on a season that shows how television should be done.

That said, there were a couple of problems with this episode, I'd say. The whole horror-movie sequence wasn't an issue in and of itself. Just because the idea seems clichéd doesn't automatically make it bad -- the reason most movies that follow those conventions suck is that they're badly written and wildly unbelievable. The sequence with Haaron and Veronica was neither, but I do find it a bit distracting that she left the party the way she did. Not much, but a little. And I'm not completely clear on Haaron's actions either. He had to know that Duncan would find out that Haaron killed Lilly, and it was reasonable to conclude that Veronica's and Duncan's parents would find out before Haaron could recover the tapes, so was he planning on killing Veronica, destroying the tapes, and hoping he could get away with both murders? It would have been a lot more reasonable for him to try to leave the country. Still, it was engaging and well-paced, and I wasn't at all unsatisfied with the killer's identity. Plus, there's also the little fact that Haaron was crazy. Also, the possibilities this episode laid out for characterization reversals are staggering. Assuming that Logan's okay, he's going to be less popular year than Veronica was this year. On the other hand, Droopy Duncan may be back to his pre-Lilly's murder self, which will be interesting to see, as will Jake Kane's quest for revenge. And Veronica's going to have to deal with the loss of the fuel that drove her all year, and reinvent herself to some degree yet again. It should be great, and I look forward to it. After a nice long break. Hope to see you all in the fall!