Go Home, You're Not An Improvement

S01E18

Veronica enters the house to find Keith putting stuff into the refrigerator. Veronica tries to bust him for spying, for which there is precedent, but Keith, with a shit-eating grin, tells her they need to talk. Keith starts to tell Veronica that her mom has been gone for over a year now. Veronica looks upset, her fantasy of her mom returning from Barstow on an alcohol-free sunbeam collapsing before her eyes. Or something. Keith says he wanted to wait until he was sure he had feelings for the person, but he and "Alicia" agreed that it was time. Veronica in a series of quick close-ups that make her look like the cutest, tiniest beached whale, chokes out, "Wallace's MOM?" Cut to Wallace practically spitting toothpaste everywhere with a "WHAT?" His mom, whom I'm going to call Alicia and not Coco, but only because I like her, smiles and is all, "From your reaction, I'd say you heard me just fine!" Hee. Cut back to Veronica gaping and goggling some more, but before she starts to turn blue, we head into the opening credits.

Neptune High. Wallace and Veronica sit outside together. Un! Comfortable! Veronica tries to crack wise that if their parents get hitched, they can have bunk beds and stay up all night talking. I assume you'll want the top bunk, Veronica, so Deputy Leo's view isn't blocked. Just keep it down, for your stepbrother's sake. Wallace isn't so much about the jokes, and leaves. Oh, kids. You need to get over your issues here -- some people are going to have it a lot tougher when dealing with this newfound relationship. I mean, you won't know awkward until you see Alicia trying to make small talk with the gals in the typing pool at Kane Software. Veronica looks down to see graffiti on the table that reads "KillemAll.net." I won't tell you where that address redirects to, but only because it's in my contract. Oh, whoops. Also, are we to assume that "KillemAll.com" was taken? Not that that's a surprise, but still.

Duncan cheerily enters a full classroom and exchanges a smile with Veronica. VMVO wonders how she can tell if the "super-cute" boy in her class killed his sister. I'm just going to write a few more recaps, but everyone has his own approach, I guess. Logan also smiles at Veronica. Her hair spontaneously grows several inches. Joey Lauren Adams pops up, calls the class "buckaroos," and starts talking about the Navigator. Let me just say that I don't remember disliking Joey Lauren Adams in the past, but she's putting on this really affected Jennifer Tilly-esque baby girl voice that I have less than no patience for, so she's going to get as little attention as possible from me here. Joey tells the class that they're short on articles. Duncan suggests a piece on how "OxyCon [is] replacing Ecstasy as the drug of choice for high school students." Veronica looks impressed. You'd think, given his medical history, she might find some discomfort in Duncan's awareness of pharmacological trends, but as student-body president, maybe it's his job to know these things. Joey nixes that idea and suggests a story on a woman who's been teaching French at Neptune for forty years, making it clear that the type of piece she's looking for is of the Magic Dragon variety. Logan: "A loving tribute to a sadistic crone." Boy, if you male that up, I've got an epitaph for my headstone right there. ["Duly noted." -- Sars] Veronica gazes adoringly at Logan, and I suppose I'm going to have to tackle this sooner or later: I think the reason that Veronica forgiving specifically Logan for his behavior since Lilly's death rings true is precisely because the last time she felt good, and safe, in her life was when Lilly was alive. And who did she spend the most amount of time with then, besides Lilly? Duncan and Logan. Whether you agree with her motivations, I think it's perfectly consistent that she affords the two of them special consideration while she'd happily see the rest of the 09ers flattened by a particularly large asteroid. Anyway, that's all I have to say on the subject. For now. The bell rings, and Duncan overacts as he complains about all the fire drills they've been having. Logan impresses Veronica again with his snark. Do you mind? I'm typing here! He does a cheerleading impression as the class files out. Bring it on, Logan! "It" being "the gay," that is.

In the hallway, Joey turns Veronica on to doing a story on the fire drills, and says she'll find a way to make it interesting. She's seen the show before, then. Duncan catches Veronica and notes that Joey isn't exactly Miss Dent, and Veronica agrees, saying that Joey was overly peppy as her pep squad adviser. "Why, oh why, did Miss Dent let herself get knocked up?" I don't know. Did she hang out with Mr. Rooks?

Veronica's interviewing VP Clemmons in his office. People on the boards have wondered, as have I, if Clemmons is the Vice Principal, where the principal is. Maybe the "Vice" is just an affectation he's added, like he's hoping to be promoted to "Homicide Principal" or something. That sounds like a pretty cool job. Anyway, Clemmons tells Veronica that the drills are in line with "district-wide policy for mid-semester fire drills." Is he suggesting that they have a different policy for other parts of the semester? Oh, bureaucracy. You are a tiresome mistress. Veronica doesn't believe Clemmons, but he doesn't budge, and says he has some paperwork to catch up on. Said paperwork entails outlining the school's late-April policy on hall passes, I'd imagine.

Veronica goes to give Joey an update. Joey directs her to the assistant superintendent of the district, and gives Veronica her number. Veronica calls the woman, who sounds like she's keeping the "unfiltered" division of Lucky Strike in business, and asks for their fire drill policy. It's one a semester. Actually, the woman sounds exactly like Harvey Fierstein. Even bureaucrats just want to be loved -- is that so wrong? Oh, and VP Clemmons? Liyah, liyah, pants on fiyah.

In the hallway, Veronica runs into Corny, the stoner dork who made her the bong in the pilot. Corny tells her he came to get something out of his locker, but he doesn't remember what. Um, hee. Corny also invites Veronica to go to White Castle, and considering I've referenced Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle not once, not twice, but three times in my recaps, I am forced to take that as a shout-out. I know you guys like me and all, but this is getting a little embarrassing. So let me just update my squee journal, and I'll get back to work. Veronica says there's no White Castle in Neptune, but Corny says it's an expression. The kids see a member of the sheriff's department enter the school with a German shepherd, and Corny stuffs some pot down his pants and starts to head the other way. Might want to make sure the Baggie isn't sticking out of your pants there, kid. I know you're a horny teen, but that's really not the kind of action you want. Corny sees two more cop/dog duos coming toward him from the other direction. It's a good thing that pot is in a liquid-proof bag, or it would have a distinctive taste I'm not too sure would be the most appetizing. The cops and dogs blow right by Corny, who bails. This gets Veronica thinking, though, and she takes out her camera and snaps some pictures.

Clemmons gets a call from the chairwoman emeritus of Lucky Strike, saying she got a call from a "pushy student" with a "fresh attitude." Clemmons is all too aware of whom she means. Asked about the fire drills, Clemmons confesses that there has been a series of bomb threats at Neptune. Cut to the caller, whose hair is blonde and whose attitude is fresh. She thanks Clemmons, and asks him to let her know "if there's anything we can do." Yes, I'm sure the people who have a three-tiered policy on yearly fire drills will be the first ones he calls for some decisive action. Veronica, discomfited, stares us into a commercial break.

Fade up on the Navigator's headline, which reads "Bomb Threats Force Evacuations." The picture Veronica took is featured as well. Maybe I'm just being dumb here, but I'm not sure why Veronica or anyone else was allowed to be in the school while the bomb squad was in there searching. Joey expresses misgivings that this might not be responsible journalism, and she's got more of a point than with the drug story before, but she accedes. Cut to students in the hallway reading the headline. Veronica warily walks down the hallway, no doubt expecting VP Clemmons to pop out from around the corner and ask her to do her best Harvey Fierstein impression. But it's Wallace who pops out, saying that the administration office is a zoo, and that Clemmons wants to see her in his office. Veronica: "He does? I'm beginning to think he has a crush on me!" Well, Veronica, given the beginning and the later stages of the episode, you'll forgive me for saying that I think your dance card is a little full at the moment.

Clemmons informs Veronica and Joey that the Navigator isn't the Washington Post. There's a Deep Throat joke in there somewhere, but they've already gone that route on the show, so I'll skip it. Clemmons goes on that he has a duty to protect the student body. Joey tries to argue that the point of a newspaper is to reveal the truth, which she should know isn't going to fly if she's lived in this country for the last few years. Clemmons asks her what her journalism background is. Well, it may not be much, but I still don't think it's wise to make bitchy comments to the final arbiter of what goes in the paper. Also, Veronica looks a little upset on Joey's behalf, and that's an even more dangerous game to play, as Clemmons finds out when he asks who it was that confirmed Veronica's story. Veronica says it was he, and does her best Fierstein, to Joey's amusement. Joey's growing on me, a little. If she takes up smoking, we'll be just fine. Clemmons, for his part, tries to conceal his horror that he was going to ask Veronica out. Veronica tries to get information on who's behind the bomb threats, but Clemmons tells her this is a disciplinary meeting, and she's lucky she isn't being suspended. Veronica snarks, "Maybe you'd be doing me a favor." Oh, nice. Knowing he has no comeback, Clemmons turns on Joey again. Aw. She must be a better actress than I thought, if I can feel sympathy for her while staring at that hideous top she's wearing.

English class. The teacher, who has not been knocked up and is therefore the same one we've seen all year, is talking about The Brothers Karamazov. She asks a question of a jet-black-haired Jonathan Taylor Thomas, who diffidently is drawing something as he says he didn't read it. "I thought maybe I'd wait for the mini-series." I don't think you'll be cast in it, if only because "mini" doesn't seem to be an applicable term for you these days. Seriously, the last thing I saw him in was the episode ofSmallvillein which he played a kid who could split himself in two, and it looks like he's been eating both guys ever since. For more on the subject of the "weight wall," read this. JTT gives the teacher some pretentious death-speak, and shares a smile with the guy to him, who's wearing…biker gloves? I don't know. Veronica, in turn, shares a "whaaaaatever" look with some guy to her. However, her part in that could be because of the dude's hair, which George McFly would have rejected as too messily geeky.

Chez Mars. Veronica gets a couple sodas (one of them "Skist") out of the refrigerator. She looks tense, and we soon see why, as the camera reveals that Keith and Alicia are sitting on the couch watching an old movie. Veronica reenters her room and gives a grossed-out Wallace the update that Keith has his arm around Alicia. Wallace asks if there's any gropage, and Veronica snarks that earlier, she saw Keith cutting a hole in the bottom of his popcorn bucket. That's a Diner reference, and if you haven't seen it, you should. But let's just say the popcorn in question isn't for vegetarians, and leave it at that. ["I don't know how they knew I'd be editing this recap and not Wing Chun, but Diner is my very favorite movie in the world, so: shout-out!" -- You know what Sars's problem is? She doesn't chew her food] Veronica tells Wallace that the relationship can't last long, as her mom will be coming home soon. Oh, Veronica. For someone with such developed observational skills, that is one big blind spot you're sporting. Wallace takes umbrage at the idea that his mom is just a "placeholder." Veronica doesn't see what the problem is, as Wallace wasn't too keen on the whole "my dad/your mom" thing either," but Wallace tells her how it is when he notes that, although he wasn't too keen on his mom dating his best friend's dad, she hasn't found a decent guy since their dad died (and that answers that question), and if she's just going to get burned, he needs to tell her. Veronica asks him to wait a few weeks. Wallace: "I gotta say, Veronica. I'm getting a little tired of doing you favors." Hey, maybe he and Weevil can start their own club! Both their names even start with "W"!

Out in the living room, Wallace tells his candlelit mom that they need to get going, as it's getting late. Alicia agrees, despite the fact that the movie isn't over. Perhaps they need to collect Wallace's brother from whatever non-speaking-rates location they dumped him in this week. Keith is wearing jeans, which I think is a first. Hey, I noticed something wardrobe-related! Do I get a cookie?

Outside, Alicia, picking up on Wallace's mood, asks if he and Veronica had a fight. He says no, and that he's just looking out for Alicia. She tells him that she's a big girl, and what's more, he needs to see how happy she is. For the first time, she feels at home in Neptune, and Keith's a good man. "Let me have this, please." Wallace looks skeptical. He's a tough sell. Alicia, you had me at "Remember my name."

School. Veronica enters a classroom to find Mac in a heated debate with the unfortunately-haired guy from Veronica's English class. They're flirting under the guise of arguing about computer technology. Hey, there has to be a way that guys with hair that bad can score some action. Besides alcohol, I mean. Veronica interrupts to ask Mac if she could take a look at her computer, as she can't get it to boot up. The worst nightmare of every recapper. Mac says sure, but she has to take it with her, as she's in a rush. Veronica says everything important is password-protected. Well, considering that her murder investigation files were on her desktop, I'm confused as to how that works, but then again, I didn't find myself getting the vapors when Mac was doing her geek-speak with Bad Hair Guy. Mac leaves, and BHG asks Veronica for a moment. He tells Veronica that "Norris and that new kid Ben" were throwing tennis balls at stray cats. "The tennis balls were exploding." How very.

At their adjacent lockers, Veronica asks Wallace if she's really his best friend. Nothing against Wallace, but basketball-star status or not, it doesn't seem like people are exactly lining up for the job. Wallace says as much, and they smile doofily at each other. Aw. Veronica sees JTT, who's the new kid Ben, and his friend walking down the hall. She asks Wallace if he's heard anything about Ben. Wallace gets his feathers ruffled, as he thinks she wants him to get Ben's file. Well, at least he's good with the pattern recognition. Veronica attempts to appease Wallace by saying that she's asking for the greater good. Considering it will move the JTT storyline along toward its can't-be-too-soon conclusion, I have to agree. Wallace says that it's the friend Veronica should be checking into, as he was wearing a shirt that said, "Kill 'em all. Let God sort 'em out." Still in a mood with Veronica, Wallace leaves. He's such a pill about that forty-seventh favor.

Veronica goes to TWoP -- er, the "KillemAll" site, and hears mwa-ha-haing as she finds a clock counting down 46-odd hours until…something. I thank God that real-time scripted drama hasn't caught on as we go to commercial. Sorry, Kiefer.

Wallace sits having a good time with the jocks as Veronica watches him from a distance. I guess his mom isn't dating any of their dads. I hope not, anyway. Duncan and Meg walk by holding hands, and Meg has to convince Duncan to come over and talk to Veronica. Meg asks if they can join her, and Veronica jokes about telling her imaginary friends to move over. Meg makes some small talk about the bomb threats and Veronica's caseload, trying valiantly to cover the fact that Duncan is sitting there like Veronica just told him he can't go to Magic Mountain with all of his friends. Meg's best efforts aren't enough, though, and when Veronica notices Duncan sitting like a petulant child, she tells Meg about a case she's supposedly working on where a man disappeared by getting his hands on a lot of cash, ditching his cell phone for an prepaid one, and other such tactics. The last of those is buying an old passport off eBay and doing "an extreme makeover on it." Duncan excuses himself in a hurry. Perhaps he wants to divest himself of eBay stock before this practice comes to light. Meg tells Veronica that it's not Veronica, as Duncan's been acting weird all day. Well, Meg's only half right. And the half that she got right pretty much applies to all days ending in "y." Meg leaves, and Veronica turns her eye to Ben and Norris. Ben's in camo gear, presumably trying to hide his weight gain. I feel obligated to point out that if that was his plan, he forgot to paint his face. VMVO wonders if the two of them are planning on blowing up the school, and recalls that Norris was a thug and bully in junior high. We flash back to long-haired Veronica sitting watching Duncan and Logan at another table, so presumably this is after Lilly's death. Some jerkwad jock is shooting spitballs at Veronica. VMVO tells us that she's seen another side of Norris, as we see him appear, take the guy's straw, and shoot a spitball into his forehead from close range. He scares the guy off, and then smiles at Veronica, who gives a small smile in return. Well, I'd point out that this doesn't exactly mean he's not a bully. It just means that he's using his bully powers for good instead of evil.

Back in the present, Veronica goes over to Ben and Norris's table and says she's doing a poll for the Navigator. Basically, the two guys are supposed to add up to Christian Slater, and I guess in total acting ability, they…don't. Veronica, on the other hand, is supposed to be Winona Ryder, but since her character in Heathers was actually named Veronica, it does seem a propos. Just stay away from car cigarette lighters, hon. Ben and Norris look way too pleased with their pretentious death references, and with each other. Oh, I see. They're the Curt and Ram. The props department just forgot the bottled water.

Inside, Wallace runs into Veronica and tells her she could have sat with him. Veronica says she thought he was making a point, which he denies, and then tells her that there's no school file on Ben, but hands over Norris's permanent record. Boy, Pavlov knew what he was talking about. Veronica notes that Norris hasn't had any problems since middle school, but Wallace says maybe he's trying to keep his record clean so he can pull off something big. Veronica tells Wallace that he's her best friend, and Wallace counters by saying he's glad Veronica found Lianne and got her some help. Aw. A hug seems like it would be appropriate here, but maybe they figure there's already enough physical contact between their two families at the moment.

Journalism room. Veronica enters to find Duncan creepily sitting in the darkened classroom. Mood lighting, I guess. He notes her presence, but says nothing. Veronica: "That was either a really poor warm welcome or an excellent cold shoulder." And you'd think after the last year she'd be an expert at the lower region of the thermometer. Duncan bites out that Logan told him about the murder investigation files, and asks if there's one on him. Veronica tells him there's a file on everyone connected with Lilly. Duncan asks what his file says, and turns to face her. Veronica steels herself and tells him it contains information on his epilepsy and medication, and says he has violent outbursts. Perhaps telling him this in an empty classroom isn't the best move, but maybe she's got her taser at the ready underneath that jacket. Duncan asks who she thinks she is, and starts to storm out, but Veronica calls out that she's Lilly's best friend. Duncan points out that Lilly is dead and her confessed killer is in jail, but Veronica yells that he was paid to confess. Duncan thinks that's crazy. "Who would pay…?" And we'll just wait for Mr. Triton Scholarship Richie Rich Kid to catch up to the rest of the class. Duncan still thinks it's crazy that she suspects his parents of doing anything wrong, and starts to leave again, but Veronica asks him if he remembers what happened the day of the murder. Duncan stops, and softly notes that Veronica thinks he killed Lilly. His voice rises as he approaches her and asks how she could think that, and she tells him to calm down. Duncan yells, "Why? You think I'm gonna have another episode and kill you too?" And you can just take a screencap of Veronica's face for the time you want to know what "Well, now that you mention it…" looks like. Duncan makes a series of weird faces that are meant to convey chagrin at his outburst, but only end up making him look like he's going to throw up. Which, considering the speed at which he runs away, is certainly a possible eventuality. Aw, poor Teddy Dunn. He tried.

Outside, Veronica looks upset. She sees Ben and Norris having a spat, and then Ben takes off. VMVO wonders whether she should wallow in her grief over betraying Duncan, or keep an eye on the kid who might blow up the school. Deciding that she can handle both, Veronica sees Ben get into his car, and tails him to…

…the Camelot Motel, where Jake Kane ostensibly met Lianne in the pilot. And here you thought this mission would be the distraction from your emotional turmoil. Veronica snaps some photos of Ben. Cut to somewhere else, where Veronica sees Ben load several bags of what looks like fertilizer into his car. Oh, I forgot to mention: Nice station wagon, Death Guy. Veronica also sees that Ben is in possession of an automatic weapon that would give anyone with an NRA card a hard-on. Of course, given certain compensating feelings carrying a gun affords, it might be difficult to tell. Veronica's phone rings, and she smiles when she sees the caller ID. It's Logan, calling to tell her that he told Duncan about the files. If that's what Duncan was upset about "all day," as what Meg said indicates, it seems weird that Logan is only telling Veronica this now. I think perhaps he wanted to make Duncan angry with Veronica to ensure the two of them would stay away from each other. It's what the psychotic jackass in him would do, anyway. Veronica asks Logan if he's talked to Duncan since school let out, but is interrupted by an armed Ben opening the passenger door, getting in, and telling her they're going for a ride. That was a good, creepy moment, only slightly marred by the fact that Veronica has learned a few tricks over the past year, and thus should know to LOCK HER FREAKING DOORS. Anyway, Logan hears all this, and it doesn't look like Veronica hangs up the call, either, so now it's Ben's turn for the "NICE JOB." Ben tells Veronica to return to where she first followed him to, and Veronica takes care to explicitly say the Camelot's name. Ben then tells her to be quiet, as he needs to think for a minute. It's a good thing they're in a car, so it won't be so obvious where the gear-grinding noises are coming from.

At the Camelot, Ben leads Veronica up the stairs. He tells her a lot of people might die because of her. Perhaps he could have realized that he didn't need to be looking at her to deliver that line, as Logan comes out of nowhere and knocks him down. He slugs Ben a couple of times in the face for good measure, apparently as little of a Home Improvement fan as I was. Veronica stops Logan, saying that Ben is a Federal agent. Well, speaking of Federal agents, it's too bad Dana Scully isn't around, because the eyebrow-raise with which she'd greet that news would be absolutely delectable.

Inside, Veronica gets a wet towel for Ben's face as Logan works the kinks out of his punching hand. Ben asks if Logan could go outside, as he wants to talk to Veronica. Logan: "Dream on, Jump Street." Hee. I smell another charity auction coming up. I'm bidding on Sars. Veronica, however, prevails on Logan to wait outside. Ben tells Veronica that part of his job at the "ATF" is to monitor internet traffic. Um…can you excuse me a moment? Okay, I'm back. Ben says that Norris kept a "troubling" website, and he sent a lot of emails to other students containing "red-flag words." Veronica realizes that the countdown clock must show when Norris is planning his attack, but wonders why Ben has been playing nicey-nicey with Norris instead of bringing him in, and mentions the cat story, which Ben denies being a part of. Speaking of red flags, that's a pretty clear one that the object of Mac's flirtation might have some serious problems other than his hair. Ben goes on that he's got more arrests than any ATF officer his age, ever. "Failure is not an option." I wonder if JTT's agent can keep a straight face when he says that. It must take a lot of practice. Ben says in order to have anything on Norris, he needs to catch him with banned weapons, or he needs a list of the people with whom he's been corresponding. Moreover, he needs Veronica's help, as he "pushed him too hard." You have to be gentle that first time, kid. …What? Ben says he's been to Norris's house, but he hasn't been in his bedroom (yeah, right) or the garage. Veronica wonders how she's supposed to get access, but Ben informs her that Norris likes her likes her. Also, he loves talking about his "ancient weapon collection." Veronica stares blankly. I second that non-emotion.

Veronica emerges from the room, and Logan asks if she's okay. She nods, and then pecks him on the lips. She eventually makes like she can't believe she did that, and starts to go, but she waited waaaay too long, so it's no surprise when Logan pulls her back for a passionate kiss. And look, I still don't know enough about them to know whether this is truly believable. Were they attracted to each other in the past? Who knows? The actors have undeniable chemistry together, so I can certainly live with it -- for the moment, anyway. Veronica goes down to her car, leaving Logan on the balcony, but she pauses for a last lingering look at him. And all I can say is it's probably good that Amanda Seyfried wasn't in this episode, because I can't even imagine what Veronica would have said if she found Dead Lilly staring at her from the passenger seat as we headed into the last commercial break.

Chez Norris. Veronica, apparently having told the guy she needs help with a case involving stolen weapons, thanks Norris for aiding her. He tells her it's no problem as he unlocks a padlock on his bedroom. He explains, "My parents are a little nosy," and then mentally congratulates himself for remembering to say "are" instead of "were." Inside his bedroom, there are swords, knives, and pictures of Bruce Lee. Veronica: "You must feel really safe at night, when the dragons come." Hee. Veronica produces the pictures, and then takes a look at the weapons. She notes that one of them is very "Braveheart," and Norris practically wets himself in glee as he tells her that it's an actual replica of William Wallace's sword. While he's doing his research, Veronica asks if he's on wireless, and he tells her that since his dad's a programmer at Kane Software, they get a lot of technology early (not that it's rare now, obviously). "We were one of the first households in the country to have WiFi." So now we know how poor, disenfranchised Norris funds his taste in expensive weaponry. Also, between the fact that he's been interested in Veronica for a while and the whole Kane Software connection, I'd be surprised if we've seen the last of this young, socially awkward, possibly anally violated kid. Norris tells Veronica that he has a replica of the weapon she's looking for, but it might have fallen behind his bookshelf. She goes to look for it, but does some snooping, and finds a copy of "Taut Blonde" magazine. Subscription: $49.95. Veronica's facial expression upon finding it: Priceless. Norris tells her he'll find the replica, and Veronica, desperate to keep the Columbine-in-waiting encounter going, picks up a throwing star. Norris tells her that he's got a target in the garage if she wants to try throwing it. And if he gets fresh, she'll be armed!

Veronica cocks her star-armed hand as she says, "Detention? Me? I think not, Mr. Clemmons." She hits the paper man-silhouette-target in the hand. Either she's not as vicious as I would be, or her aim isn't all that great. Also, turns out the stars are rubber, for practice, but Norris tells her time he'll let her try a real one. VMVO: "Am I crazy, or is Bomb Boy flirting with me?" I don't think you're crazy, and what's more, your nickname for Norris is pretty much the same as mine, if you change an "O" to a "U." Norris gets close as he says if he keeps his grades up, his dad will let him tour Japan that summer. In which he will no doubt be big. He invites her to a Kurosawa retrospective that weekend. Noting Veronica's hesitation, he says it can just be a "friends thing." Aw, but I'm starting to see why she dated Duncan. He was the only guy who met both qualifications: "Into her" and "straight."

Outside in the car, VMVO tells us that she's going to try to access Norris's family's wireless system. She succeeds, and gives a Mr. Burns-esque "Eeexcellent." Hee. Veronica calls Mac, and they exchange meaningless, possibly lesbianic banter until Veronica sees Bad Hair Guy nearby. He waves to her, and Veronica's silent enough for Mac to say, "Earth to Mars!" Bad Hair Guy goes into a nearby house. I'm sad to report that it's not a salon.

Veronica, in her room, leaves a message for Norris asking him to call her before the day. There are what look like middle-school graduation pictures on her desk, one of them Norris's. Also, as some people noticed in the forums, the panda sharpener is still there. Hee. It would be funny if she forced Wiedman to listen to some really bad music. She could finally find a use for Brian (Austin) Green's albums! She checks the mwa-ha-ha website and sees the count is down to just over eighteen hours.

School. Veronica sees Norris in the parking lot, who says he got her message too late to call her back. She starts to explain about Ben, but the agent (hee hee) in question appears with a SWAT team and arrests Norris. Ben's face looks much more beat up than it did initially, which is realistic. Also, it looks like Haaron has taught Logan well. Veronica tells Ben that he's got the wrong guy, but when Ben searches Norris's trunk, he finds fertilizer and a large rifle with telescopic sights. Norris says the stuff isn't his as he gets taken away. Noting that the stuff in Norris's trunk looks very similar to the stuff Veronica saw Ben loading into his soccer-mom car earlier, Veronica asks if Ben set Norris up. Ben doesn't answer, so Veronica snaps a few photos of the scene as Norris gets manhandled into a van. Veronica, he may not be finding this experience completely devoid of enjoyment, but that doesn't mean he wants to document it.

VMVO tells us that Ben must have set Norris up, and she needs to prove it. She looks at photos she took of Ben, and sees that Ben had "Gro-Time Fertilizer," which gives her pause…

…and the day, in the journalism room, she calls Bad Hair Guy, whose name is Pete, and accuses him of setting Norris up. He used Norris's WiFi network, accessible to him because he lived so close to Norris, to create false internet traffic. He also created the "KillemAll.net" site and called in the bomb threats to the school, and lied about Ben and Norris killing stray cats, all because Norris bullied him when they were younger. Once he held Pete down and let a tarantula crawl over his face, and another time he took his lunch money. Um. I think I'd give up a good lunch not to have to look too closely at a tarantula, so I can't believe those two incidents are supposed to be on a par with each other. However, Pete clarifies that Norris took his lunch money every day for two years, and when Pete told his dad about it, his advice was to hit him. Pete did, and Norris put him in the hospital, at which point his dad said he wished he'd had a son. Wow. Given that Pete is sitting in creepy blood-red light, and we're about at countdown zero, I'm not too sanguine about the fate of dear old Dad. Pete hangs up, and Veronica's left once again to long for those days where the background was blue, and morality was black and white. But only for a second, as Meg appears in the doorway and calls her out into the hall to tell her that Duncan has gone missing. Apparently he withdrew ten grand in cash the day before, and Meg tearfully wonders why he would have done that. Perhaps he saw the dailies from the earlier scene with Veronica and felt an emergency trip to acting school was in order.

Veronica is explaining to Joey that Ben did indeed set Norris up, as the rifle and fertilizer were the same. It's weird -- I thought she already knew that, but her reaction to the picture seemed so intense, I thought that's how she concluded that that wasn't the case. Huh. I think I'm tired. Joey thinks they should print the story, but Veronica, ostensibly concerned for Joey's job, says she could just take it to the local paper instead. Joey: "What fun would that be?" Aw. Veronica smiles.

Wallace catches Veronica at her locker and congratulates her on the story, although he's concerned that the mention of Norris's records might expose his involvement. Hmm, interesting that they threw that in. I wonder if that could be a future plot point. Also, random observation: I don't think they used the Mars Investigations set at all this week. Veronica enters journalism class to see Logan, who gives her a quizzical look, undoubtedly wondering what she's thinking. And VMVO has been uncharacteristically silent on the subject. Personally, if I'm going to have to listen to "I'm going to the lumberyard"-type VOs, I wouldn't mind hearing something about how you feel about KISSING YOUR MORTAL ENEMY WHO WAS ALSO YOUR BEST FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND WHILE YOU'RE DATING SOMEBODY ELSE. But I don't feel strongly about it or anything. Joey announces that because of their story, Norris is being released, with the charges dropped. She doesn't say anything about Ben's fate, but I'm thinking he's got some 'splainin' to do to whomever's in charge over at Jump Street. Maybe he'll be the youngest agent ever to be busted down to junior high. Joey adds that it's her last day teaching at Neptune. Hey, always leave them wanting more. She asks them to work independently, as their sub will arrive shortly. We follow her into the hall, and she smiles as she hears Veronica using Joey's language to get the class working. Aw. I kind of liked Joey in the end! Now let us never speak of her again.

time: Alyson Hannigan returns, and it looks like she gets a black eye for her trouble. Weevil gets arrested for stealing something from Lilly's room. And a girl uses a taser, and it ain't Veronica. Four to go!