I had a joke all written about the possibility of renewal, and now it's ruined. Thanks, Dawn Ostroff. No, in case you haven't heard: Rob Thomas called me the other night (I know!) to tell me that Ostroff had just given him the good news that Veronica Mars is being renewed for a second season (I KNOW!) Luckily, I'd already written 90% of the recap when I got the amazing call; otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to come up with any snark at all. Yay!
Also: I just got back from the cast appearance at Macy's. It was great to see so many people, and so many TWoPers, turn out to support the show. As I had heard, Jason Dohring and Francis Capra are the ones that read the recaps, and they were both so enthusiastic to meet me and super-nice. Those two also read the forums, I think. In addition, Francis told me that it was Brad Bufanda's (Felix's) mom that first found TWoP, and she told Brad, who then told Francis, and then Jason. Thanks, Mrs. Bufanda! I talked to Kristen about doing an interview, and while she was also very nice about it, I don't get the feeling she's quite as aware of TWoP. But she'll learn. Mwa ha ha! No, seriously, everyone was awesome, and obviously in a good mood this day of all days. Okay, I'll stop now. Seriously.
Previouslies: Over the footage of Jake grabbing Celeste at the Echollses' Christmas party, VMVO tells us that either Jake or Celeste could have gone home from the Neptune Grand and killed Lilly. That's a new voice-over added solely for the purposes of catching people up, for the record. Hey, I try to pay attention.
Veronica's online. So am I. It's not all we have in common -- we both think Deputy Leo's sort of dumb and cute. If I wake up as a blonde, straight, five-foot-one girl...well, I'll know I could have done worse. VMVO muses about Clarence Wiedman and Amelia DeLongpre and the Kanes, and then tracks down Amelia, who's a student at Loyola Marymount in Los Angeles. Veronica grabs her car keys and rushes out...
...and we cut to an urgent knocking on a college student's door. The brunette chick inside the room is dressed in sweats and has her hair pulled back. The actress is probably university-educated herself, because from her attire, it's clear she knows what was required when she was asked to dress as the "quintessential" college student. The girl answers the door to find Clarence Wiedman. Contrary to my expectations, there's a distinct lack of music here to make my skin crawl. In other words, the Barenaked Ladies remain thankfully silent. However, from Wiedman's black hat, trenchcoat, and mustache (rounded out by goatee), I can only hope for the girl's sake that she's paid the rent. Wiedman is looking for Amelia, but Quinty tells Wiedman that Amelia left about five minutes ago, with a friend who's "tiny, blonde, cute as a bug." And narrowly avoided being crushed like one.
Cut to said cute bug hurrying another girl along somewhere on university grounds. No idea how far they've traveled, although when I was in college, I had a contingent of friends who would measure distances on campus in number of joints smoked during travel. Perhaps "Ivy League" was a bit of a misnomer. The girl is ostensibly the aforementioned Miss DeLongpre, who protests that she doesn't even know Veronica. But does anyone, really? Anyone who can't hear the VMVOs, that is? Veronica claims to be Cliff's assistant, and you'll remember that Cliff used to be Koontz's lawyer. She tells Amelia that there may be new evidence proving Abel's innocence: "If you don't get in the car, you're putting yourself in danger." I'm sure plenty of girls have been taken in by that line over the years, but again, Veronica is tiny. Just watch for the stun gun, Amelia. Amelia protests that she hasn't spoken to her father in years. I can relate. Then again, I'm not getting spoon-fed millions of dollars, but I suppose the whole mortal danger thing is something of a tradeoff. But not enough of one to keep me from feeling bitter. Veronica explains that Amelia is a threat to the Kane family now that she knows about the payoff. Amelia protests that her mom told her that the millions she's receiving in Kane Software stock were part of "an out-of-court settlement." Well jeez, Amelia, they weren't making Vioxx. Put that university education to a modicum of use, here. Veronica duhs that the stock was a payoff for pleading guilty to Lilly's murder: "Your father is innocent." I jam my fist into my face to prevent myself from speaking out of turn. It's harder to type that way than you might think.
Cut to Veronica's convertible pulling into the "Ocean Beach Hotel." She and Amelia enter a room wherein "décor" is apparently as much a fictional construct as "unicorns" and "small government." Amelia thinks the room is fine, since all she's going to be doing is studying anyway. I can see where the surroundings would imply sensory deprivation, but I hope she's not going to be distracted by the rhythmic bumping through the walls at 2 AM. And 3 AM. And 4...well, you get the idea. Veronica asks Amelia to call her mother and ask her to, while taking certain security precautions, send over a copy of the Kane Software settlement, which should prove that Abel's being paid to take the fall. Also, Veronica gives Amelia an untraceable cell phone to use, with the proviso that she only take calls from her boyfriend, and that he can't know her location. Geez, Veronica, anything more you want from this pretty girl you don't know who's worth millions .of dollars? Hmm. I'll understand if you don't want to answer that. Veronica turns to go, but Amelia asks her how Koontz is doing. VMVO tells us that he's dying: "But if you know that, it's doubtful you'll help me." If you know that, it's also doubtful that you're this voice-over's target audience. Veronica tells Amelia that Koontz is doing fine. The lambs have even stopped screaming, although Lilly Kane is another story.
Kevin Hill is so sexy, even guys hit on him! Wouldn't you just die?
A proctor hands out some tests and closes the door as VMVO tells us that today marks "that orgy of tension known as midterms." Hmm. I haven't been to an event where "orgy" and "tension" were both appropriate words to describe the action, but I am a little young to have attended a key party. Veronica sees a girl kicking her locker as VMVO adds that some people handle midterms better than others...
...and we cut to a close-up of a newspaper phone-sex ad, complete with Sabrina's picture, that reads, "I'm Miss Sabrina. The only thing I won't do...is say no." Considering what she'd have to do with the phone to make good on her promise, I think I might get out the disinfectant, because just the thought is grossing me out. Sabrina is showing the ad to a teacher in front of a packed classroom, saying that the phone was ringing all night, and that her family couldn't unplug it because her dad is a doctor. I think doctors have services that contact them in emergencies, but since I'm not a fan of this Sabrina, I'm willing to overlook a contrivance if it means she was awakened fifty times by guys who jerk off to reruns of Xena. Dick Casablancas coughs "I've been bad!" into his hand. I don't think his hand is going to advance any arguments. Sabrina complains that, also, someone let the air out of her tires that morning. The teacher sympathetically tells her that they can schedule a makeup for her, prompting a young Asian student, "Mr. Cho," to pipe up that making an exception for Sabrina isn't fair. The teacher tells him that when he's personally attacked, they'll talk. Well, we'll just have to see how the recap goes. Sabrina leaves, and Mr. Cho leans in to Dick and "whispers," "How about, 'When my mom's elected school-board president, we'll talk'?" Since when is this self-bootstrap-pulling kid so chatty with the king of the asshole 09ers? Dick laughs like it's the funniest thing he's heard all day. I don't really want to spend much time pondering all the things Dick Casablancas hears in a typical day, but I'm still willing to bet this: it ain't.
Sabrina enters the girls' bathroom and tells Veronica that she heard it's kind of like her office. Y'all know how I feel about that, but at least she doesn't have the door barricaded. Sabrina says she needs Veronica's help. Veronica, referring to the axle grease Sabrina's got on her shoulders, suggests club soda. Heh. Sabrina says she got a flat, which she had to change herself, and then discovered that there was no hole in the tire -- someone just let the air out. I'd give props to said someone, except I know who it turns out to be, and the only way I'd give that actor props is under the influence of a Jedi. Sabrina adds that she broke up with Caz, the guy Meg thought had a crush on her in "Ruskie Business," two months ago, and ever since then, he's been harassing her. I'm not sure finger-guns meet the definition of harassment, but I'll agree with her that they probably should. Sabrina says, "I hear that you do things. I need you to make him stop." Considering Veronica's reputation at the school, you'll forgive me if I'd like Sabrina to be a little more specific. Veronica declines with no love lost, but Sabrina offers money -- a hundred now, and four hundred more when she proves that Caz is the harasser. Perhaps they took that money out of the sound-editing budget, as Sabrina's line about there being a new catastrophe every time she tries to study is badly dubbed and sounds horrible. VMVO muses that she's broke, and that Amelia's hotel room is seventy bucks a day. For that rat trap? There must be much cheaper rooms in the seedier parts of town, Veronica. Where do you think Cliff gets all his clients? Anyway, Veronica takes the advance, and Sabrina flounces out.
Veronica catches Caz outside. She breezes that they could do this the hard way -- she asks him to stop harassing Sabrina, he denies he's doing it, she catches him, he's suspended from basketball, etc. Caz denies any involvement, saying they've had problems, but adding, "I would leap off the roof of that school if she asked me, you know." Veronica wonders if she could still get the four hundred from Sabrina if she made that happen. If that's all it's going to take, Veronica, I'll start a contribution thread right now. Anyway, Caz says he has to go, but reiterates that he didn't do it, and that he'll pound whoever did once Veronica finds him. In that case, Caz, don't jump off the roof yet. Because the enemy of my odious chinless enemy is my friend. Temporarily. VMVO: "Why is it that the Cazes of the world are forever in transit between romantic failure and the gym?" Well, I do work out a lot, so I feel qualified to say this: what the hell are you talking about?
Veronica's laptop is open to a picture of her and Lilly from the night of the dance, under the header "LILLY KANE MURDER INVESTIGATION." You'd think she'd be very careful about who she lets see this. Of course, you'd also think that Tom DeLay might be out of a job after the umpteeth scandal of his career, but that doesn't make it reality. On the desktop (!), there are folders of several suspects: Koontz, Jake, Duncan, Mommie Sneerest, Logan, Weevil, and Wiedman. VMVO babbles about preparing her case to convince Amelia that Koontz is allowing himself to be executed to make her wealthy. So you're trying to convince a girl that her psycho asshole father is giving her millions and will soon be dead. I wouldn't spend too much time on that presentation. The phone rings, and Veronica tells the caller that Keith is in a meeting...
...which he is, with a redheaded tart. And tarts have quite a shelf life, but this one is pushing its expiration date. Strawberry Tart wants Keith to set her husband up with a hooker and take pictures of him in a compromising position, which would violate their prenup, and result in a bonus for Keith. Veronica pokes her head in as Keith says that would be entrapment. Strawberry Tart says she'll take her business elsewhere, perhaps to a "Mister Vincent Vanlowe." Given her nickname, and the actor who plays Vanlowe, the thought of any "business" transpiring between them is enough to make me projectile vomit so hard I fly straight into month. Oh, that's who killed Lilly Kane? You're not going to believe it! Keith says that if Strawberry Tart goes with Vanlowe, she'll get the "Vinnie Classic" (ew), which is Vanlowe getting the proof but taking double the money from the husband for Vanlowe to keep his trap shut. Well, I'd pay a pretty penny for that myself. Strawberry Tart leaves.
When Veronica emerges from Keith's office, she finds Logan peering at her computer. She closes it quickly, but whether it's to hide the murder investigation files or to hide the "I LoVe Logan squeeeeeee!" files is for you to decide. It really just depends on how much time she spends on certain fan sites. Logan asks if she really thinks Lilly's murder was part of a vast conspiracy, and adds that he's glad his alibi held up, since he was out of the country at the time. Without bite, he asks what Veronica thinks Lilly would make of Veronica investigating all the people that loved Lilly. Interesting that he can ask this calmly, since this subject caused him quite a bit of pain in the past. Veronica slightly emotionally counters that she loved Lilly, and that if she hadn't, then maybe she'd be able to drop the investigation. Logan hands over a check and sincerely thanks Veronica for looking for Lynn. Veronica considers that, and says that Lynn was always nice to her, as she rips up the check. Sheesh. Maybe I should start being nicer to my landlord. Logan and Veronica share a tentative smile, and he leaves. VMVO wonders now who's going to pay for Amelia's hotel room. Maybe you could have compromised and asked Logan if Amelia could stay with him. I hear a bedroom has opened up in his house recently.
Cut to Amelia in said hotel room. Clash Of The Titans is playing on her TV, and we get a prime shot of Harry Hamlin. Hee hee hee hee hee. Veronica asks if the movie is pay-per-view. I doubt it, because people are likely to be on a tight budget in a hotel like this. Given that, they're not going to pay more than the movie is worth, and most places frown on taking pennies these days. Amelia is looking at the pictures of Lilly's shoes, and Veronica explains that they had to have been planted on here dad's houseboat. Amelia asks if Veronica's sure that the Kanes framed Abel, and Veronica asks who else had the money and influence to pull it off. We'll talk more about that later. Veronica adds that all the Kanes falsified their alibis. It's worth pointing out that we don't yet know what Duncan's alibi was, but since we know from his session with BSK! that he doesn't remember anything about the murder, Veronica's statement has to be true. Actually, should she show up again, Miss James will be known as FSK, for Former Show Killer. Congratulations, Paula! Or possibly "nice try." Amelia tells Veronica that her dad used to be normal, but that when Jake cheated him out of the streaming video patent, he changed. He got withdrawn, and eventually, after his wife spilled coffee on his computer, he backhanded her. Well, I don't condone violence, but if someone spilled coffee and cost me a recap, I'd have to close my eyes and count to ten. About a thousand times. Anyway, Amelia and her mom left the day, and her mom divorced her dad. Amelia asks why the money's coming to her. Veronica hesitantly speculates that it's Koontz's way of saying he's sorry. Wow, I wish anyone that's wronged me in the past would come up with that method of making amends. It's a lot better that that bullshit they teach you in twelve-step programs.
Veronica is approaching the door of a nice large house when she notices a yellow pickup driving by. She knocks on the door, and a child who looks like the fourth member of Hanson answers. In other words, at this age, I have no idea of the kid's gender. Veronica says she's looking for Sabrina.
Cut inside, where Sabrina is being quizzed in biology kingdoms by her mom, whom you'll remember was the PTA president who led the hearings about Mr. Rooks in "Mars vs. Mars." Upon seeing Veronica, mother and daughter babble in Italian, and then the mother excuses herself, saying she's late to meet Doctor Father, and also, Lynn is sleeping, so they should keep it down. It's not the Lynn we know, I assume, despite the fact that she's sleeping with the fishes. Veronica notes that Sabrina forgot the kingdom protista. Considering that Sabrina dated Caz, that is surprising. Veronica tells Sabrina that Caz denied perpetrating the harassment.
Later, Veronica's tracking Caz's car, which is still in his garage, as Sabrina studies. Veronica looks out the window to see the pickup from earlier driving by. Her phone rings, and it's a caller for "Miss Sabrina." Veronica uses her computer to input the caller's number into a database, and then recites a bunch of unsavory information about his credit and marital history back to him. "Miss Sabrina commands you: put your pants back on and get a job!" Words to live by, and I'd add that keeping that order straight would be advisable as well. Sabrina smiles. Veronica goes to the window and asks if Sabrina knows anyone with a yellow truck. The answer's a negative, and Veronica notices a baby carriage in a corner...
...which we see rolling into the path of the pickup. The driver screeches to a halt, and Veronica appears and shines a light in his face. It's Caz. Get ready to jump off that roof, kid, because someone nearby is definitely going to be asking.
Chez Sabrina. Caz is protesting his innocence, but Veronica tells him that "the innocent rarely lurk." And here I would have bet Veronica had never been to Golden Gate Park at night. Caz says that the thought of someone messing with Sabrina made him nuts, so he was hanging around to see if he could catch the guy. Glad to see your life is so full that you have an hour or ten to spare for this. Sabrina asks whom the truck belongs to, and Caz tells her it's the gardener's. He reiterates his "jump off the roof" line, and Veronica counsels Sabrina to take him up on it. Well, I have to point out that I was a scene ahead of you there, Veronica. Although if my patience with these kids is even shorter than hers, I wonder if perhaps I should look into some form of therapy. But then I look at what's currently being produced on my computer screen, and all's well. There's a knock at the door, and Sabrina wonders who that could be at 11 PM. She opens the door to find a bunch of losers, one of them a young skate-punk-looking dude who wants to "get this party started!" Dude, even Pink can't hear that expression without cringing these days, and she's the only one benefiting financially from every dated utterance. Veronica learns that someone at a place called "Sultans Of Acid" was handing out flyers advertising a party at Sabrina's. I wouldn't be surprised if there's some literalness to that name. It would explain how these kids are dressed, anyway. Veronica slams the door in their face. Once again, I would have been ahead of her. I am sorry to cause you such cardiac strain.
Veronica shows up at Amelia's door with groceries as VMVO tells us that Sultans of Acid yielded nothing useful. As brainers go, that falls square in the "no" category. Amelia tells Veronica that her mom is going to mail (ever hear of a fax machine, anyone?) the Koontz/Kane papers the day, and then asks if Veronica could arrange a visitation with Koontz. Veronica hesitates and then agrees, but says it could take a few days. VMVO butts in to say that will be enough time to get proof of the Kane payoff, like, WE KNOW. Reminding us of what happened earlier in the same scene is very Tru Calling, which seems fitting, considering that show is back on the air. And I love Eliza Dushku, but there are some things I simply will not do for her. Well, some things besides the obvious.
Mars Investigations. Keith asks Veronica if she shouldn't be getting ready for her "Achiever Dinner." Veronica corrects him that it's for "scholastic excellence." Their little semantical discussion is interrupted by the entrance of Ken Marino. I hate this guy so much, whether he's shooting demon sperm into Cordelia Chase, Creepily trying to seduce Joey Potter, or getting it on with Phoebe Halliwell. I'm told he was amusing in Wet Hot American Summer, which is possible. I saw it, but seeing Bradley Cooper having wet hot gay sex kind of blew any surrounding memories of the film. In case you wondering, it was worth it. Also, Demian (I believe) dubbed him Gonzo the Chinless Wonder, which is the best name ever, so that's what he is from here on in. Gonzo -- who's the aforementioned Vinnie Vanlowe -- "flirts" with Veronica as porn-y music plays. And I thought I'd seen the last of my dinner. Keith appears, and Gonzo thanks him for Strawberry Tart while tiresomely expositing that he's been a PI in town longer than Keith has. He brags about his caseload, and offers to farm some work Keith's way. He's sending something Keith's way right now, and let's just say the farm reference is certainly à propos.
Anyway, we've wasted enough time on Gonzo, so let's move on to the exterior of the Kane estate. VMVO tells us that it's going to be her and five of the top-ranking juniors and seniors listening to Jake and Mommie Sneerest talking about the scholarship they're offering in Lilly's name. The Kane parents open the door and invite Veronica in, saying that the others are already there. I guess Veronica doesn't revel in the awkward. I can't imagine that Veronica would accept a scholarship from the Kanes, but she's only a junior, so it's probably not worth making a stink about at this point. Inside, among the students in attendance are Sabrina, Hamilton Cho, and Duncan. Veronica sees Jake and Mommie Sneerest talking, and VMVO tells us it's hard to be back, and that Mommie Sneerest has a lot of reasons to hate her. VMVO speculates that maybe Mommie Sneerest lost it over a particular reason. In a grey-filtered flashback, we see Mommie Sneerest come out to the pool and tell Lilly that Veronica can never come back to their house. Lilly: "Chill out, Mommie Dearest. That's no way to treat your stepdaughter." A shout-out wrapped up in a huge burn on Celeste? You guys! You shouldn't have! The stepdaughter comment is speculation on Veronica's part that Lilly's secret from the pilot was that Veronica is Jake's daughter. Mommie Sneerest turns to go, but Lilly taunts her that she thinks Veronica and Duncan have danced the Posturepedic Polka already. Mommie Sneerest turns and slaps Lilly, but Lilly gives it back to her twice as hard. Nice to see Veronica's envisioning her as having gone out on a high note. Mommie Sneerest picks up something heavy from the table to her and clocks Lilly in the temple, killing her. I have to say that seeing even a dramatization of Lilly's death for the first time is shocking, and the grey filter adds to the creepiness. Mommie Sneerest gapes in shock...
...and we're back on her in the present, where she's smiling as Jake talks about the full scholarship he and his wife are giving in Lilly's name. Incidentally, she had short hair in Veronica's imaginary flashback, probably just to emphasize the point that what happened was pure speculation. VMVO tells us that Jake doesn't look like a killer, but you don't run a company like his without a killer instinct. Imaginary flashback to Jake discovering Lilly on top of a chaise longue. Jake is wicked pissed, possibly because between his daughter and the chaise is a shirtless Weevil. Weevil starts to go, but Jake grabs him. Lilly tries to pull Jake off, but he tosses her aside, and she fatally hits her head on a table. Jake snarls that if Weevil tells anyone what happened, he'll be blamed. This is the least believable of the three scenarios we see, but it's still creepy. Props to Kyle Secor.
Inside, Veronica hears Lilly's voice call to her. She walks out to the pool, where Dead Lilly, looking exactly the same as when she appeared to Duncan, says that it's the Worst. Party. Ever., and asks what she's doing at "Nerd Fest." Well, dear, you are indirectly responsible for it. It is funny to consider that Mommie Sneerest might have killed Lilly just to throw events in her name that would annoy her, though. Veronica says that the Kanes are hiding something, but Lilly tells her that though they have their faults, they're hardly murderers. And right here is where I dropped Duncan as the killer. Hey, even Laura Palmer told Cooper the truth about who killed her. If only he understood backwards-speak, we would have been spared the second season. And that would have been emosewa. Veronica asks who did it. Duncan appears behind her and asks if she's okay. Well, the obviousness of that transition isn't going to change my mind back. Duncan smiles and asks whom Veronica's hiding from. She hems and haws, but Duncan serenely tells her that he comes there sometimes too, as they both stare at the spot where Lilly was found. He adds that, at first, he begged his parents to sell the place, but "now it's kind of nice. Peaceful. When I'm here, I feel like she's still with me." Man, this is the most natural Duncan has acted all season. That alone would kind of freak me out, but considering it's happening on the spot where his sister's brains leaked out of her ears, the upshot is super-creepy. The kids head inside. Oh, not Lilly.
Neptune High, outside. Veronica finds Sabrina, who complains that she's exhausted, and that she only got an 86 on her AP Biology exam. In my day, AP exams were graded on a scale of one to five. Of course, in my day, the only people who even had pagers were drug dealers, so let's move on before I have time to contemplate why I'm recapping yet another high-school show. She adds that she's now lost her narrow lead in the valedictorian race, and shriekily asks why Veronica hasn't gotten Caz to stop. Veronica says she's sure it's not Caz who's dogging her, and asks who's in the lead for valedictorian now. Sabrina looks around, and points out Hamilton. Bitchy entitled spoiled girl, or industrious boy who's the embodiment of the American dream. I wonder whom the show wants me to root for? Oh, also, Sabrina's wearing a big Pirates pin. And yes, that will be somewhat important later. Because this show is emosewa.
Fade up on a storefront with a banner that reads, "Cho's Pizza: Home Of The Peking Duck Pizza." We see Veronica's car parked outside as VMVO tells us that since she's checking up on Hamilton, she might as well expand her gastronomical horizons. It's a good thing it's 9 AM and I just ate, or I'd be trolling the internet looking for one of those around me. I'm very susceptible to culinary suggestion. That working-out habit I mentioned earlier? Good thing, that.
Inside, Veronica congratulates Hamilton on getting into Oxford, but Hamilton mildly says he can't afford to go. Veronica points out that he's in the lead for the senior scholarship, and mentions Sabrina, whom Hamilton calls "the teenage witch." Hamilton, with your grades, I know you're not too familiar with the letter "B." Nonetheless, I maintain that it would be a fine substitute for one of the letters in your last sentence. Hamilton says that Sabrina has had all the breaks, and working twenty hours a week, without tutors, he can't really compete. And he's definitely not lying about the lack of tutoring, if his butchering of the pronunciation of "et cetera" is any indication. And that could be a big problem, since if he ends up being salutatorian, he'll have to give the speech in Latin. Veronica gets her pizza as Hamilton's dad hands him a delivery. As Veronica turns to go, VMVO agrees with Hamilton that the world is unfair, and that's why she doesn't feel good about putting the tracker on his car. Geez, Veronica. Let me know what's at the bottom of that slippery slope, will you? Of course, it might be TWoP Towers. That would make my snitty speech a little embarrassing.
Keith, in his bathrobe, hears someone fiddling with his door. He opens it, unarmed, like, I know you're in the main credits here, but given certain past examples, I'm starting to think that some of your police work sucks ass. Anyway, it's Clarence Wiedman, in his typical Spy vs. Spy gear. Wiedman greets Keith as "Mr. Mars," and at least he's polite. It's nice to know that the guy who took threatening photos of your daughter did so in a gentlemanly way. Keith invites Wiedman in and offers him some coffee. Oh, so that's how he's going to get his revenge. Wallace's mom would be so proud. Keith tells Wiedman it's been a while, and I'm dying to know the circumstances of their last meeting. Wiedman shows Keith a picture of Amelia, and says he's looking for her. Keith snarks that he's $250 a day. Wiedman mildly says that Kane Software has important information for Amelia, and he thought she might even be staying chez Mars. Keith gives Wiedman nothing, and shows him out. Wiedman, without even trying here, is creepily menacing. That must come in handy in his job, but it probably would make it hard to get a date. "Can I buy you a drink?" "Just DON'T HURT ME!" The fact that he looks about eight foot three to Keith isn't helping either.
Later. Veronica arrives home with Backup 2.0. Keith tells Veronica that Wiedman "stopped by," which is an interesting way of putting it. I mean, it's not like he came over to borrow a cup of sugar or anything, although it would have been hilarious if he'd tried that after Keith caught him at the door. Keith says he sat there for an hour thinking about how proud he was that he was making the Kanes nervous, only then he realized that he hasn't touched the case in months, and that it must therefore have been Veronica causing them consternation. Well, if it took you an hour to figure that out, perhaps it's only fitting that Veronica's taking the lead here. Veronica informs Keith as to who Amelia is, and Keith realizes that she changed her name, she is receiving the payoff, and Veronica is harboring her somewhere. See, Keith? You can figure these things out more quickly if you just pay a little attention. Keith emotionally asks Veronica if she realizes what a dangerous game she's playing. Veronica says she's protecting Amelia and the money trail, and that Amelia is willing to help them. Keith notes that Amelia must really love Koontz if she's willing to trade $3 million for three months of his life. I assume he means that Amelia still is owed $3 million from the settlement, and that Koontz would have three months outside of jail before he's expected to die. Veronica's surprised to learn that Keith knows about Koontz's stomach cancer, but doesn't tell him that she lied to Amelia. Keith proposes a "new game, new rules" -- she has to promise that she'll be more careful. Promise it and mean it, I believe is the implication. In return, Keith tells her that he found a cell-phone record showing that Jake called Wiedman five minutes before he claimed to have arrived home the night of the murder. Keith realized in his investigation that Lilly's core body temperature didn't match the rest of the timeline. Veronica realizes that Keith is saying that Jake called Wiedman after discovering Lilly's body. The forensic implication is that the temperature of Lilly's body was artificially lowered to make it look like she died earlier than she actually did, which explains the smoking speeding ticket. I'm really interested to know why Lilly was in such a hurry. And there's certainly a joke in there about living fast, dying young, and leaving a pretty corpse. Shame about the sucking head wound, but they have people who can take care of things like that.
Veronica's in her car with Backup 2.0 as VMVO tells us that Wiedman is ex-Army intelligence and ex-FBI, and ex-who-knows-what-else: "Probably a good man in a bad situation." And at this month's track meet, we add a special eleventh event to the traditional decathlon, called "Jumping to Conclusions." You might think a girl as short as Veronica would be at a disadvantage. When are you going to stop underestimating her? Creepy flashback to Lilly lying dead as Jake sobs. On his knees, he calls Wiedman and blubbers that he needs his help. Cut to Jake and Mommie Sneerest opening their front door to find Wiedman with a big bag of ice. He tells Jake to get the rest of the ice, and that he and Mommie Sneerest need to decide which of them found Lilly. So the answer to "who knows what else" is "cleaner."
Back in the present, we see that Veronica is staking out Cho's Pizza. Her phone rings, and she answers it to have Sabrina tell her that a car alarm is going off incessantly by her window. She called the police twice, but the alarm stopped right before they arrived. Isn't that always the way. Veronica says it can't be Hamilton, as she observes him inside Cho's. Sabrina, freaking, asks Veronica what she's going to do for her. Veronica instructs her to get the license number of the car that won't shut up, and she'll see what she can do the day. VMVO: "In the meantime, I need to know when a certain ticking time bomb is set to go off." Hon, you just hung up the phone with her. Why didn't you ask?
No, she means Logan, whom she pulls into a classroom at school and asks when he's going to tell Duncan and "everyone" about her Lilly investigation. Logan doesn't answer the question, but says that what Veronica found out about Duncan's epilepsy has been bothering him. Hmm. Logan definitely had a very limited amount of time to look at the computer. I'd think he would have checked out Weevil's folder and not Duncan's, but then, perhaps Weevil talks in his sleep. Logan wonders why Duncan never told him about his condition, since they've been friends since kindergarten. As people were quick to point out in the forums, Veronica said in the limo ride that Logan moved "here" when she was twelve, so either the Kanes and the Echollses knew each other in some other capacity, or this is a continuity error. If it's the latter, I kind of feel like selling it to the circus so people can pay five bucks a pop just to look at it. Veronica thinks the Kanes obviously didn't want anyone to know. Logan asks if Duncan has fits, and Veronica says that he might, but the attacks could also manifest themselves as hysterical laughter, uncontrollable crying, or blind rage. Logan gives Veronica a pointed look at that last possibility. He tells Veronica that this is between them, but that last year, when he was over at the Kane estate, he heard screaming from the room, and then heard Duncan's voice. He found Duncan with his hands around Jake's throat, and he tried to pull him off. Suddenly, Duncan went limp, and then he was back to normal. Jake said nothing about the whole incident, and when Logan asked Duncan about it the day, he acted like he didn't remember a thing. Veronica asks if this was when Lilly died, but Logan says no: "It was the week you guys broke up." Well, those are practically the same week, but given what Veronica overheard about another of Duncan's fits, the timing does seem extremely significant. Looking guilty that he's betrayed his best friend's secret, Logan leaves the room, and Veronica wonders how the hell she's going to wrap all this up in just five more episodes. She's not the only one.
VMVO tells us that despite her sleep deprivation, Sabrina got the license plate of the car that wouldn't shut up. Veronica looks it up and finds that it's registered to a "Debra Villareal," who's...in Europe touring with Aladdin On Ice. Um, hee. Veronica discovers that Debra was once married to Gonzo. Well, touring with a bunch of has-been skaters dressed in silly costumes sounds infinitely preferable to that. Add to that the bonus of putting thousands of miles between yourself and Gonzo, and I can totally get behind Debra's move. Veronica calls Sabrina and asks to borrow some of her Spirit Week stuff. I told you!
Gonzo Investigations. The sign outside is pretty cool, actually. I must pour hot coffee on myself for saying that. Also, it's right door to "Stern's Gym," and I wouldn't be surprised if that's the same gym from "You Think You Know Somebody." The riffraff level seems about right, anyway. Veronica enters the office as VMVO wonders what it is about chrome, glass, and fake black leather that is supposed to represent masculinity. Yeah, no help for you on that one, dear. The woman at the desk greets Veronica, who asks her to ask Gonzo if he has a minute for her, and also asks her to buy cookies for Spirit Week. Hee. She's bringing her pep to bear, people! The older woman enthusiastically agrees, and even buys two when Veronica throws in a spirit pin. The woman dons the pin and happily says, "Go Pirates!" If Veronica's thinking about the last timeshesaid that, her face doesn't give anything away. Gonzo comes out complaining to "Ma" about his sandwich. He should be complaining about his horrible mustache, but we'll get to that soon enough. Seeing Veronica, he asks what he can do for her. Veronica says that Keith will be unable to take him up on his case-farming offer, but gives Gonzo a Mars Investigations pen. Gonzo tosses it aside carelessly. Apparently he's already got a pen that he favors for all the ear-picking he undoubtedly does. Veronica adds that she'd like to know who hired him to harass Sabrina. Gonzo plays dumb. You'll be surprised to learn that he does so very convincingly. Veronica doesn't believe him, but he escorts her out. Before she leaves, however, she tells him he's got something on his face. He leans in hopefully, and she rips the mustache off his upper lip. If it were anyone but Gonzo, the "hee" would be small, but since it is, you can just imagine it in three-digit-point type.
Outside, Sabrina's waiting for Veronica in Veronica's convertible. Veronica opens up her laptop and tunes in to the sound coming from the bug in the pen. Gonzo asks his mom who that band is he likes. Tool? No, it's Hall and Oates. "John Hall and Daryl Oates." Have to make more coffee, because hee. Gonzo starts singing "Private Eyes," and Veronica and Sabrina look up to see that he's looking right out the window at them, using the bugged pen as a microphone. Will not laugh. Too painful. Gonzo hams it up with some ass-slapping, which ew. Sabrina looks at Veronica all "This guy cannot be for real." Word, sister. Eventually, Gonzo tires of this game -- not too soon for me, either -- and drops the pen out the window and heads back inside. And now I'm out of coffee, too. Dick. Sabrina's disappointed, but Veronica tells her to give her a little more credit than that. I don't think this sequence was meant to fool anyone but Gonzo, which again, doesn't seem that difficult. Veronica now taps into the visual signal coming from the camera in the spirit pin. Gonzo tells his mom they need to get rid of the car, and also makes it clear who hired him to harass Sabrina. It's...
...Hamilton's dad, who's addressing VP Clemmons, the Kane parents, Sabrina and her mom, Hamilton, and Veronica, at the Kane estate. He's telling them that Hamilton never had a fair chance against the kids he had to compete with. Well, the fact that you paid a PI his daily rates to harass you son's competition sort of steps on your own point there, sir. I know it was a discount PI, but still. Jake suggests that if Sabrina and Hamilton finish the year one-two, he and Mommie Sneerest would be willing to split the scholarship between them. Not exactly King Solomon, but then again, Solomon probably didn't look as good at age forty-seven. Sabrina's mom negs that suggestion, saying that she won't press charges only if Hamilton removes himself from the valedictorian race. Clemmons asks if that's the only solution she'll accept, and Sabrina's mom -- to her credit, or some degree of it -- doesn't answer right away, but before Clemmons can propose an alternative solution, Hamilton stands up and says he'll withdraw from the race. Veronica tells him they can't force him to do that. Hope you've already collected your four hundred bucks, hon. Hamilton sighs, "They just did." Well, yes. I know we're supposed to feel sorry for him, and he seems like a good kid, but this resolution was hardly unfair given what his dad did. True, Sabrina's mom could have been more diplomatic about the whole thing, especially given that she's the PTA president, but looking at her progeny, it doesn't seem like she's likely to be wired that way.
Outside, Veronica catches Hamilton and says she's very sorry. I feel cheated that we didn't get to see the conclusion of the last scene, with Mommie Sneerest offering everyone a cup of coffee and a nice plate of awkward. Hamilton tells her it's okay, and half-jokes that he's going to work a couple jobs and go to a state school: "Twenty years from now, she'll be working for me." Hamilton leaves as VMVO tells us how great Hamilton is, and that he loves his dad no matter how much he screws up: "It's the exact kind of love I'm banking on from Amelia DeLongpre." That's a little ham-fisted there, I have to opine. Maybe you all can work on the VOs...season! Woo!
Wiedman is staking out Amelia's hotel room. How did he find her? I didn't catch that the first time, but that's going to bug, a little. And to tell you the truth, I don't really understand why Wiedman waited to go after Amelia until he thought Veronica had figured out who she was. The only way that makes sense to me is if Wiedman wanted it to transpire this way. Okay, now my head hurts. Stupid show. Wiedman stops a guy emerging from the hotel and asks to borrow his cell phone to call triple-A. We're meant to assume this guy is Amelia's boyfriend. The lesson is that relying on the intelligence of the audience saves speaking rates. More shows should try it. I should point out, though, that Veronica specifically told Amelia not to tell her boyfriend where she was. Kids today -- they never listen. Especially not the ones worth millions.
Amelia calls Veronica and tells her that the papers have arrived. Veronica says she'll be right over, but takes the time to ask how Amelia is holding up. Amelia says that all she can think about is what she's going to say to her dad when she sees him. Considering he's set you up for life, you might want to start with "thanks." Amelia's cell phone rings, and her boyfriend's picture pops up on it. She gets off with Veronica (not like that) and takes the call to hear Wiedman's voice telling her that Veronica isn't who she says she is. But are any of us really who we say we are? Can you ever really know anyone? Oh, he means about the working relationship she claimed to have with her dad. Well yeah, that was a lie. Also, I wonder what Amelia's boyfriend is thinking while Wiedman is carrying on this conversation. But again, thanks to SAG, we'll never have to know.
At Mars Investigations, Veronica tells Keith the news, and they head out to Amelia's hotel.
Veronica and Keith enter Amelia's hotel room to find Wiedman reading through some papers. Wiedman mildly says he won't be needing Keith's services after all, as Amelia took off, all upset that Veronica hadn't told her about her dad's terminal condition. Well, she can't remember every single little thing that comes up, now, can she? Wiedman adds that since Amelia has her own Swiss bank account, she might be headed for points Alp, and thanks Veronica for bringing Amelia to Neptune, since she just finalized her dad's agreement with Kane Software. Much like the land Amelia may be currently winging her way toward, that shit is cold. But really, Amelia's got a boyfriend, final exams, and a dying father in the area. Does it make sense to assume she's dropping everything and leaving the country? Did she even have her passport with her? I mean, not that any of this really matters now that she's signed the papers, but still. Anyway, the Marses leave, defeated.
VMVO wonders what to do now. Keith walks in to find Veronica sitting on the floor in his office to the safe. He admonishes her to sit in the chair, and tells her he changed the combination to the safe. He calls out the numbers as he turns the dial, and Veronica's impressed that he used random selections, which is something she mentioned in voice-over in an earlier episode that he instructed her always to do. Keith tells her that they're actually the numbers of the flights he and Lianne took on their honeymoon: "I never can remember the random ones." Awwww. I love these little moments between Veronica and Keith. Keith plops his file on Lilly's murder down on the desk, and father and daughter, for the first time, are a completely united front. Watch out, Neptune.
Some time later, Veronica is noting that Jake and Mommie Sneerest both obviously lied about their alibis, but asks why Keith suspected them of covering up what happened in the first place. Flashback to Keith asking Jake and Mommie Sneerest how long they'd been home when they discovered Lilly's body. Jake answers that it was five minutes -- ten at the most. He says he knew the kids were home, so he decided to check out by the pool, and he starts to break down as he says that's when he found Lilly. In a very nice touch, Keith looks through the glass to see Duncan sitting catatonically, just like in the pilot. Unfortunately, what's not like it was in the pilot is Mommie Sneerest's short hair. Since it's Keith's memory, though, maybe we can just conclude that he likes to imagine people with as little hair as possible. Were I bald, I'd probably do the same thing. Also, I'm assuming this scene is taking place after Veronica rushed from the car and everyone saw the body, although it seems weird that they're just leaving Duncan outside to do his best autism impression. Speaking of whom, Keith asks where Duncan was when Lilly was found. Mommie Sneerest says he was in the shower, since he beat them home, but he hadn't gone out to the pool. This is a little confusing: is the implication that the Kane parents were watching Duncan play soccer? Because where does the Neptune Grand fit into all that? Keith regards Duncan, and then a buzzer goes off. Keith asks if they're doing laundry, and Jake stares a moment before nodding. Hmm. As the Kane parents look guilty, Keith tells Veronica that the Kanes had two full-time housekeepers and probably hadn't done their own laundry in years, so why would they start a load upon discovering their dead daughter? Keith adds that it was a soccer uniform he found in the dryer. This doesn't explain why Keith thought it was Jake who killed Lilly and not Duncan. Veronica looks gobsmacked and nauseated as VMVO tells us that Duncan and Lilly didn't always like each other, but they always loved each other: "He never would have hurt her." Creepy flashback to Lilly lying on her stomach by the pool. "But what if emotional turmoil, the same kind that caused him to attack his father, turned Duncan into someone else entirely?" A shadow falls over Lilly, and she says to whomever it is that he's blocking her sun. She turns to see Duncan, and screams as he swings a weapon toward her. The closing credits come up, and we scramble to make sure our TiVos, DVRs, and VCRs are all set properly for week.
To come: bunch of stuff, most notably Duncan realizing that Veronica thinks he might have killed Lilly. Veronica, just because he's your ex doesn't mean he's a killer! Of course, it doesn't mean he's not, either.
Now, it's not like this recap isn't long enough already, but I've kept pretty quiet about who I think killed Lilly, and it's not like keeping quiet is really my strong suit. So I thought I'd mention that I think it's ironic that Veronica reached the point in the episode where she really suspects that Duncan is the killer. This is spoiler-free speculation coming, but if you'd rather not have your thinking influenced at all, by all means, DON'T READ ON. But I've thought since early on that Duncan was the most likely killer. I thought it had to be a Kane, because who else would have the motive and means to convince Koontz to take the fall? And the Kane parents seemed much more likely to cover up for their son than for each other. But that theory just seemed incomplete to me. It lacked the depth I expect from this show. And now this episode, with its emphasis on the settlement, convinced me I was wrong. I now think Koontz is the killer. I think all the pieces fit. Koontz swore revenge on the Kanes. Once he found out he was dying, it was then or never to act. It's not a stretch to think he could have known about Duncan's medical condition -- he and the Kanes share a doctor, and he's a sneaky bastard. He knew the Kanes would do anything to protect their precious son, even if they thought he killed their daughter. All he would need is an accomplice, and Wiedman comes to mind as a strong candidate. Wiedman could have fed Koontz information on the whereabouts of the Kanes that day, helped Koontz to pull off the crime, helped to "cover up" Duncan's involvement, helped to broker the deal that would get Koontz millions to give to his daughter, planted the shoes on Koontz's boat. He could have taken the pictures of Veronica on his own initiative, to distract the Mars family. And Koontz, sick bastard that he is, would be dining out on the irony that the Kanes paid millions for him to take the fall for a crime that he, in fact, committed. How would everyone react to learn that Lilly's death was the direct result of the sins of her father? It would be twisty, it would be brilliant, and it would have a unique emotional fallout and satisfaction.
And it's obviously wrong, because I never figure shit like this out in advance. But hey, it was fun to come up with. Oh, and the rape? No idea.