...and she's on her way upstairs. She knocks a couple times, but there's no answer. Looking through some glass, she sees that several items -- lamps, plants, and the like -- have been knocked over and broken, and Killer is barking away on the bed. Mystified, Veronica puzzles us into the commercial break.
In Miss Dent's class, Veronica leaves a message for Luka. She goes back to looking at the yearbook as VMVO tells us that the people who say high-school years are the best of your life are usually on the yearbook staff. Well, I don't know if that's true, but to think that, they'd have to be completely out of touch with what's fun and cool -- oh. I see her point. Veronica discovers that Jake Kane and her mom were Prom King and Queen. She finally discovered something in the yearbook more disturbing than the hairstyles.
Weevil's finishing up taking a piss as Felix hangs out with him. You know, I keep typing his name "Feliz," and I think that's what I'm going to call him from now on. After all, he's always really happy to see Weevil, if you take my meaning. Anyway, Weevil washes his hands (good boy) as Feliz talks about Logan, saying he'd freak if he knew that Weevil and Lilly had a little sumpin sumpin going on. Weevil freaks, saying it wasn't like that, and turns to go. Feliz: "What? What I say?" You don't know either? One of us is going to have to start paying attention, Feliz.
Veronica catches Duncan in the hall and asks him if he knew about the "your dad, my mom" thing. He says he didn't, and flees the scene faster than you can say "kissing you sister." Duncan, you can't hide your lyin' eyes. And your smile would be a thin disguise, if you ever actually smiled. Good thing Logan's got enough to go around. VMVO tells us that Duncan's certainly evasive, and in a very cool effect, Veronica flashes into her long-haired self from a year ago, in the exact same position in the hallway. Here it is: Duncan broke up with Veronica before Lilly's murder. And the forum posters crash Paypal's servers trying to settle their bets. Veronica asks Lilly why Duncan is suddenly treating her like something he scraped off his shoe. Lilly doesn't know, and thinks it's probably just a mood, but says she'll talk to him: "You know, I don't know what you people would do without me." And here I thought the show's anvil netting was foolproof. Some lessons are more painful to learn than others.
In the parking lot, Logan and Weevil have been ordered to wash Mr. X's car. Logan sasses Mr. X some more, and Weevil chuckles. I think Weevil's a little taken with our fey little sociopath. Someone should contact the estates of Tony Randall and Jack Klugman about music rights. When Mr. X is gone, Logan spits on the car and starts polishing. Hee.
“ From the way this dude's delivering his lines, not to mention the retail setting, I was sure he was meant to be the gay friend. Dupe on the part of the writers, or evidence that this actor has trouble controlling his pilot light? You decide. ”
Veronica walks into a clothing shop and tells some guy she's looking for Luka. The dude informs her that Luka didn't show up for work, and suggests that she ask Andre where Luka is. He snittily tells Veronica that Luka talks about Andre all the time -- how brilliant he is. How down-to-earth. How...WB. From the way this dude's delivering his lines, not to mention the retail setting, I was sure he was meant to be the gay friend. Dupe on the part of the writers, or evidence that this actor has trouble controlling his pilot light? You decide. Veronica notes that I'm Not Gay, I Just Like Folding Clothes doesn't like Andre, which he confirms, saying that Andre and Luka fight all the time, and he has a bad temper. Also, INGIJLFC is concerned, since Luka hasn't missed a day of work since she started there. Veronica asks where she can find Andre...
...and she's walking into a small art studio. She finds Andre, who looks really put out to see her, and in retrospect, this whole scene is a pretty ham-handed attempt to make Andre look worse than he really is. Anyway, Andre isn't concerned about Luka's disappearance, saying it's par for the course for her. Veronica calls him on the fight they had on the balcony. Veronica can't believe that Luka's mom didn't know Luka was pregnant, but Andre tells her that she and her mom hadn't spoken since she left Ohio. Veronica asks about the thump she heard in the night. Andre: "That must have been when I cracked her head open with a candlestick and she crumpled to the ground. No, wait -- that was Professor Plum in the study." Hmm, that wasn't my guess. I thought it was you, right here in the studio, with a razor-sharp set of canines. Oh, no. That's the scenery version of Clue. I'd add, too, since I'll probably forget later, that we never find out what caused that thump, which is a pretty damned glaring oversight, if you ask me. The repartee is interrupted by the appearance of some butterface in a robe. She strips, and tells Andre, "Let me know when you're ready for me, Picasso." That's a more apt moniker than you know, honey. Because he could paint your face right into Guernica and no one would be the wiser. Andre dismisses Veronica.
Veronica's doing homework as she hears Killer barking. VMVO tells us that dogs are "nature's psychic detectives." I thought they were psychedelic detectives, but then, I grew up with Scooby-Doo. Upstairs, Veronica sneaks in the window to Luka's place. She picks up Killer and looks around. This scene is meant to generate suspense, but with Andre's artwork littering the scene, it doesn't come off. Nothing lowers the heart rate quite like bad, pretentious art. It's better than serotonin. Anyway, unsurprisingly, Andre has returned home and is heading toward the apartment. Veronica picks up Luka's phone (a little contrived that Luka didn't bring it with her, perhaps) and sees that, along with Veronica's name, there's a "Dr. Delmont" in the call logs. Veronica checks that number, then notices a handgun in one of the open top drawers. She uses a pencil to pick it up. Andre is at the door, and puts his key in the lock. Veronica looks around for inspiration. I doubt a Dell Dimension commercial is what she had in mind.
“ In a RED classroom, Mr. X tells Weevil and Logan to alphabetize all the books. I always associate extreme red lighting with houses of depraved sexual practices. Considering the undertones in the scene to come, I don't think I'm going to be shedding that association anytime soon. ”
Before I get to the climactic resolution of this scene, I must inform you that it is now Friday, and I am recapping in front of an audience, consisting of the fabulous and talented Miss Alli, with whom I have just shared a lovely Mexican meal. I've never recapped in front of one of my fellow staff before, so I'm a little nervous. The good news is, she's had margaritas. The bad news is, so have I.
Okay. Andre enters and calls for Killer. Veronica's holding him while hiding in the shower, but he barks upon hearing Andre's call. Miss Alli would like you to know that she thinks the two sculptures on the table in front of Andre look collectively like an ass. And she interrupted her reviewing of a book consisting of articles about surfing to tell you that. I hope your gratitude is commensurate with the effort expended. Realizing she's out of options, Veronica barrels into the living room and pretends that she didn't hear Andre come in. He's understandably annoyed at finding her in his apartment, and doesn't completely buy her cover story about Killer barking so loud she couldn't study, but kicks her out with no more hostility than is appropriate to the situation. Veronica heads back downstairs.
School. Evelyn, Class of (18)79 is going over photographs for the display with Veronica. Veronica asks about Lianne (maiden name Reynolds, by the way), spilling that she's her mother. Evelyn coos that Veronica looks just like her. Lady, don't keep us in suspense. Are we talking cataracts or glaucoma? Because they look nothing alike, aside from the blonde hair. Veronica picks up a picture of Lianne and Jake, and Evelyn coos that they were quite the lovely couple, and that everyone thought they'd get married: "They were something, like a couple in a movie." Well, that movie jumped from the romance genre pretty quickly. VMVO tells us that high school is meaningless, and that she was part of a perfect couple once, but that perfection is fleeting. We flash back to Veronica talking to Lilly, the day after the breakup. Veronica points out that Lilly said Duncan and Veronica were the perfect couple only the day before. Lilly says she doesn't want to be in the middle, and evasively says that maybe Veronica should just "move on." Well, we're all a little disappointed with the efficacy of those two words, aren't we? Veronica wants to know what Duncan told Lilly. Lilly, trying to be upbeat but unable to hide a slight tinge of sadness, tells Veronica to trust her, and that she deserves better. Veronica doesn't see it that way, and rushes off crying. Present-day Veronica, in normal color, sees Past Veronica run into the bathroom. Cool idea, even if it ends up looking pretty damn fake. The background shifts to the present.
In a RED classroom, Mr. X tells Weevil and Logan to alphabetize all the books. I always associate extreme red lighting with houses of depraved sexual practices. Considering the undertones in the scene to come, I don't think I'm going to be shedding that association anytime soon. Once Mr. X is gone, Weevil and Logan start treating the books in a manner that would make the creators of RIF cry. They also talk about how nice it would be to pay Mr. X back for the detention. Logan says something about poetic justice. Weevil: "I think I've got your poetic justice." Miss Alli wonders why he didn't add "right here." I maintain that the "right here" is understood to be in his pants. Weevil says he has a plan: "If I thought you had the cojones to pull it off, I'd tell you, but..." Logan, with a wink: "Never underestimate the size of my cojones." Yeah. "Under"tones. Good one.
“ In the office, Clemens plays good cop, which really isn't going to fly. Because that makes Mr. X the bad cop, and while the bad cop may come in many shapes and sizes, he never wears a sweater vest. ”
Just to update you, Miss Alli has had enough of surfers for the evening. At least until we get into the wine.
Mr. X goes out to the parking lot to find his car missing. Dude, call David Duchovny. On second thought, let me.
At the apartment complex, Veronica notices a man and a woman talking to Andre. Inferring that they're Luka's parents, she waits for them at the bottom of the stairs. When Andre takes his leave, they come down, and she gets their attention and gives them Keith's card, saying he's good at finding missing people. Of course, he hasn't found Lianne yet, but they don't know that, being from out of town and all. Let the buyer beware. Of her husband.
School. Mr. X arrives, having gotten a lift from another teacher, to find a crowd gathered around the flagpole. And here I thought Wallace wasn't going to be in this episode. Mr. X breaks up the crowd to find his car. Unfortunately for him, he's not going to be driving it any time soon, as it is now surrounding the flagpole. I'm not sure how that could have been done without completely disassembling and reassembling most of the car. But it's a very cool shot, so I'm willing to call this one of the few times that Rob Thomas isn't in the details. Mr. X orders everyone back to class. Hee. That's going to be a fun conversation with the insurance company. Does his policy cover "acts of punk-assed, ambiguously gay teenagers"?
In the hallway, Clemens calls Weevil into his office for the car incident, saying he's got a witness that Weevil did it. On the way, Weevil nods and smiles to Logan, who barely acknowledges him back. He only likes you that way behind closed doors, Weevil. In the office, Clemens plays good cop, which really isn't going to fly. Because that makes Mr. X the bad cop, and while the bad cop may come in many shapes and sizes, he never wears a sweater vest. Anyway, Weevil's no rat, so Clemens expels him. Weevil's kind of short, by the way.
Outside, Logan learns from Duncan that Weevil got expelled. Ugly Owen Wilson is there for some reason. Jeez, Percy Daggs. When Ugly Owen Wilson is rating speaking rates and you're not, it might be time for some emergency acting classes. (It might be time anyway, but I thought I'd make it sound good.)
In Keith's office, Luka's mother is telling him that Luka used to be light-hearted and "an angel," but that in her senior year of high school, she changed. As Veronica enters with some water for her, she speculates that Luka resented her mother's getting remarried. "She had a knack for attracting troubled young men." The stepfather, "Randall," tries to defend Luka, but the mother isn't having it. She adds that one day the year before, Luka just took off without finishing high school or even as much as saying goodbye. Randall says that she's only been gone a couple days, and that they're there to find her. Keith: "I'll do my best." So will I, to figure out why it took me as long as it did to figure out Randall's deal. Because, believe it or not, I have watched TV before.
“ Luka went in for a paternity test, and the baby doesn't belong to Andre. It's a relief that the kid isn't genetically consigned to be a bad pretentious artist. ”
Sometime later, Veronica tells Keith that she thinks Andre knows something, and that they should lean on him. Keith tells Veronica in no uncertain terms that he's handling the case, and that she's to stay out of it: "I've handled a hundred of these cases in my life, and they often end badly." Or begin badly, depending on the narrative structure chosen. Keith tells Veronica to prepare herself. Veronica: "Good advice. Where the hell was it a year ago, Nostradamus?"
Girls' bathroom. VMVO tells us that she convinced Keith to let her stay on the case by promising to stay away from Andre. Veronica calls Luka's doctor pretending to be Luka, and gets her test results over the phone, which...no. Don't buy it, no way, no how. But anyway, Luka went in for a paternity test, and the baby doesn't belong to Andre. It's a relief that the kid isn't genetically consigned to be a bad pretentious artist. He may have some other genetics-related problems, if you catch my drift. But frankly, that's the cross I'd choose to bear.
Logan goes in to see the vice-principal, whose name is apparently spelled "Clemmons." Also, unless the kids are shortening up his last name, his first name is "Van." But I can't really believe that that's the case, because if it is, I'd be incredibly disappointed that I couldn't count on Logan to greet him incessantly with a shout of "Van the Man!" Of course, it's possible that Logan is simply more mature than I am. Which means I should clearly sit down and re-examine my life. Anyway, Logan closes the door and tells Clemmons that he's "pissed off" that Weevil is getting all the credit for the car stunt. Clemmons warns him to watch his tongue. Logan goes on that "all of a sudden he's like the biggest bad-ass" -- look from Clemmons -- "rad dude here at Neptune." Hee. Logan goes on that he wants his share of the props. Clemmons tells him that if he's confessing to having helped Weevil, he can't just get away with it. Logan says he knows, and puts his feet up on the desk, which are adorned with the boots that are presumably the ones of Haaron's that Clemmons wants for the auction. I'm not sure what the big deal is -- the boots are an ordinary black pair with a few large red stars set into the leather. They don't look like anything so valuable you'd polish them with your tongue. Not, however, that you'd think that from Clemmons's expression. Keep that trap shut, dude. Logan: "So what kind of punishment are we talking about?" We don't hear the response, probably because Clemmons didn't even hear the question over the "Ch-CHING sounds in his head.
Veronica's back in Retail Land, asking INGIJLFC if he knows who the baby's father is. INGIJLFC speculates that maybe it's the guy that raped Luka. Veronica's shocked, not least that Luka told INGIJLFC about it, and asks if he knows who it was. He doesn't, but he does know that the rape is one of the reasons she left her hometown. Veronica starts to leave, but manages, amidst all the uncertainties swirling in her mind, to latch on to one incontrovertible fact. That being that this guy is a total fucking loser. She accuses him of stealing Luka's diary. He unconvincingly tells her that she's paranoid, which she freely admits: "But it doesn't mean I'm not right." Just because you're paranoid doesn't meant they're not out to get you. In fact, Miss Alli's been in the other room for quite some time. I'd better go check on her. (Oh, I'm kidding -- I live in New York! "Other room," indeed.) Veronica says she wants the diary, as it'll help her find Luka, but INGIJLFC denies having it. Veronica steps away and makes a call. "Hear you have some free time on your hands. You want to do me a little favor?" I'm not on the right team, but if I were, I'd probably be asking where the line started right about now.
“ Weevil's got Lilly's name tattooed on his back. They refer to the tattoo as being on his arm, which probably just indicates a last- minute script change. If they have that much trouble keeping body parts straight, it would be interesting to see what would happen if one of them said, 'Pull my finger.' ”
Veronica sits reading on the hood of her car as she waits. It's nice to know she uses her time efficiently. INGIJLFC looks out the glass door suspiciously at her, and she waves. Hee. The bikers show up in good time, and Weevil and Veronica share a little fist-bump. Is that the biker version of going steady? The bikers invade the clothing store, and Weevil grandly says he heard there was a sale, as the Diesels start trying on clothes and making a mockery of fashion. I'd really like to see them go on to Milan. Anyway, after INGIJLFC has had a good chance to void his bowels, Veronica's voice rings out, "Guys! Remember! No white after Labor Day!" Good line, but the Diesels' mock-disappointed chorus of "Aw!" is what really sells the moment. Hee. Veronica sidles up to Weevil and asks INGIJLFC ("Nathan," apparently, for those of you not into unwieldy acronyms) if he might possibly have found that journal. You can see Nathan's palpable realization that girls are too much trouble. Knew I'd see you in my neck of the woods sometime, kid. And just color me tickled pink about it.
Keith's staking out what seems to be Butterface's place. He sees Andre and Butterface come out, and Andre loads some suitcases into his car. Doesn't really look great for him, but I figured out the resolution of the A-plot at the mention of the rape. As I said, I may be slow, but I've watched TV before. At the train station, Keith stops Andre and Butterface, noting that it's a suspicious time for Andre to be skipping town. Andre corrects Keith that he's just dropping Butterface off. I guess he's done painting her in the nude, then. I'll tell Miss Alli that it's safe for her to open her eyes. Keith lets them go, but says he's going to wait for Andre. Well, it's your time to waste, I guess.
In front of a graffiti-streaked wall, Clemmons tells Logan and Weevil that they're getting off easy, so obviously Logan made Weevil's reinstatement in Neptune High a condition of forking over the boots. I'd say the audience was the winner in that trade. Clemmons leaves, and the boys get set to repaint the wall, but Logan notices that Weevil's got Lilly's name tattooed inside a heart on his back. I should mention that Logan and Weevil refer to the tattoo as being on Weevil's arm, which probably just indicates a last-minute script change. Because if they have that much trouble keeping body parts straight, it would really be interesting to see what would happen if one of them said, "Pull my finger." Logan gets all in Weevil's face about the tattoo, but after some swaggering and posturing, Weevil says that Lilly is his little sister's name. Logan lets it go way too easily. The forum posters do not make the same mistake. But really, "Lilly" -- and the double "L" clinches it -- is far too uncommon a name for Logan to buy that. Also, given Weevil's grandmother's ten years of employment with the Echolls family, wouldn't Logan have some idea of whether that's true? I mean, he'd just have to have taken the slightest bit of interest once in ten years...okay it sounded good for a second. Anyway.