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So like, you guys? You know how sometimes, something really terrible happens, and the world looks really bleak, and then you get a little good news that make things look just a bit brighter? Well, that's what happened to me when Veronica Mars got picked up for the whole season. And good thing, too, because we find out a lot of backstory this week. But last things first: At the beginning of the episode, Veronica tells us that a crime has been committed, and the scene at the apartment complex looks grim. Cut back to one week earlier, where Veronica's pregnant neighbor is dating Parker from Buffy or Gayoda from Dawson's Creek, however you like to think of him. Neither is particularly appealing, so it probably won't surprise you to learn that he's kind of a jerk. The pregnant neighbor goes missing, and Veronica takes it upon herself to find her. Keith warns Veronica that this might not end well, and when we learn Preggers had been raped, we know he ain't kidding. I was patting myself on the back for figuring out that Preggers's father was the rapist about fifteen minutes before the end, which is way earlier than usual for me. It was pretty understated for this type of storyline, though, which is a good thing. But now for the really juicy parts: Weevil and Logan get detention together, and try to out-charisma each other. While the contest is too close to call, the audience is definitely the winner. The two of them pull a huge prank, and Weevil gets expelled, but doesn't rat out his new accomplice. Logan pays him back by pulling some strings to get him readmitted. These two's newfound BFF status may be threatened, however, by the revelation that Weevil and Lilly definitely had something going on. In other news, Duncan definitely broke up with Veronica before Lilly's murder, but Lilly wouldn't tell her why. And lastly, Veronica's mom and Duncan's dad were an item in high school. And with that revelation, if you'll excuse me, I need to go check on the forums, because I have the strange feeling that they're hopping. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
I said it before, but: full-season order! Yay!
At night, Veronica is sitting on the steps to the upper level of her apartment complex, looking on at the lights flashing from the ambulance that's pulled up to it. VMVO says that she looks back over the past week and wonders if things could have turned out differently. There's an election joke in there, but I think it's time to move on from that. After all, I'm a uniter, not a divider. (Hey, I can't strain the credibility of that expression any more than it has already been strained.) She adds, "If I hadn't met the girl. If I hadn't initiated the case. If I hadn't interfered, would tonight be just another dull, quiet night in our apartment complex?" Oh, Veronica. Don't you know that the nights that seem quiet in apartment complexes such as yours are the best ones for wig-ripping? (Lisa Rinna opened that door. It's going to be hard to close it again.) We see someone strapped to a gurney with his face covered. Now, I don't think this was supposed to be the fake-out it might seem on first viewing -- there's an IV bag, and the way the person is strapped in is clearly meant to immobilize the shoulder, so I think we're supplied with enough evidence that the person isn't dead. But it's still a little cheap for this show. And, as someone who gleefully makes Uranus jokes at the slightest provocation, I should know from cheap. A sad-looking Veronica's shooed out of the way by the paramedics as VMVO muses, "Is it my fault a horrible crime played out its final chapter here? Or was what happened inevitable?" Veronica and Keith exchange a long look. Veronica turns away first, and Keith celebrates his staring-contest victory into the opening credits.
At the apartment complex, Veronica's carrying a basket of laundry as a graphic informs us that it's one week earlier. Veronica greets the pool boy and gives him his SAG card. How generous our heroine is. She then greets a pretty pregnant redhead with a "Hey, neighbor." Pretty Preggers looks a little upset. She says something about a CD she borrowed, and when Veronica tells her she heard it playing the night before, Preggers realizes, "You can hear us fighting!" And at the revelation that she lives on the second floor, I would have to be a mature person not to dub her "Luka." Veronica asks her what the fight was about. She is obviously too young to remember the song. Luka, I should mention, is holding what looks like a large-scale version of the Taco Bell dog, and I have to opine that it's too bad this show doesn't occasionally descend into Twin Peaks-esque randomness. Because wouldn't you just love to see the dog tell Veronica to drop the chalupa. Luka tells Veronica that her journal is missing, and that she thinks her boyfriend "Andre" took it, because he suspected her of having a thing for her boss. Taco Perro barks, lightening the mood, and Veronica picks him up, calling him "Killer." She tells Luka that if he were her dog, she'd put him in a little sailor's outfit. Well, at least we know what happened to the original Backup. He was like, "Homey don't play that shit," and with good reason, too. Anyway, the restorative effects of dog barking are apparently temporary, as Luka looks upset again. She asks Veronica for a favor: She's getting some test results back from the doctor on Tuesday, and would Veronica give her a lift? Sure, Luka. And shall we stop at the social worker's before or after?
In front of his locker, Logan's on his knees. Given certain currents later in the episode, some among you may deem that foreshadowing. VP Clemens appears and asks Logan for a word. Logan, with a big smile: "Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy." Heeee hee hee. If he came up with that not because it's a big word, but to imply that Clemens is an inanimate object, he's an even bigger bitch than me and Demian put together. And that, dear friends, is Attack Of The Fifty-Foot Bitch-level bitchery. Clemens informs Logan that his dad promised to donate a pair of boots for the school's fundraising auction. Logan: "Not the ones made for walking! God, I love those boots." Perhaps you could suggest that your father donate a few of his belts instead. Unless you love those as well, and don't think I think you're not twisted enough to. Clemens clarifies that he's talking about the pair Haaron wore in Hair Trigger, which are apparently a "big-ticket item. We're hoping to be able to pay for our new scoreboard with what we'll make off of them." Logan smiles and crosses his fingers in mock-hope. Hee. Clemens goes on that he hasn't been able to reach Haaron, and was hoping Logan could remind him. Logan: "I'll have my assistant call his assistant." Clemens looks after him, all, "That lovable scamp. I wonder if he'd like some more Pirate Points?"
Veronica's sitting in Miss Dent's class as the teacher enters, trailed by a woman who's babbling about Jake Kane and high school and man is she going to get old real quick. Oh, there, it just happened. Miss Dent introduces the woman, "Evelyn Bugby," to Veronica. Evelyn somewhat obnoxiously opines, "Aren't you cute!" Veronica turns away slowly, no doubt counting to ten. In increments of .001. Miss Dent informs Veronica that Evelyn is from the alumni association, and is looking for help putting together some kind of photo display. Because it would be a little expensive to do the entire thing in engravings and oil like they did in her day. Veronica somewhat rudely declines, but after Evelyn walks away, Miss Dent begs Veronica to reconsider, tempting her with all the bad clothes and hair she'll be able to mock, since the class in question is 1979. I'm sorry, but Evelyn is supposed to be only twenty-five years out of high school? What drugs was the casting director on? Because this woman looks the appropriate age to deliver the line, "Grandpa is talking to you, Dong!" And for those of you too young for that reference (sniff!), my point is this: she looks like she snuffed Sixteen Candles during the Truman administration. Anyway, Veronica accepts, but it's clearly not because of the allure of mocking people. And here I thought we understood each other. Miss Dent gives Veronica some details about the assignment, and then adds, "And please. Keep her? Away from me." Time is on your side, if you take my meaning. Or it would be, if not for what I hear in the spoiler thread. Miss Dent departs, and Veronica opens the 1979 yearbook to a picture of her mom with a feathery 'do. Wow, Miss Dent wasn't kidding. Between the hair and the clothes, I'm guessing the Smashing Pumpkins didn't do a whole lot of research on that year before they waxed nostalgic about it.
Cut to a large timer sitting on a desk. Jeez, thanks for reminding me that I'm on a deadline here. The teacher -- a sweater-vest-clad Mr. X from The X-Files -- looks sternly at the class, the students of which are trying to take a test. It's a valiant effort, considering that the timer is loud enough to put The Tell-Tale Heart to shame. Either the Foley guys are getting paid too much, or they're not getting paid enough. Weevil and Logan regard each other suspiciously. Logan, thinking Weevil's trying to cheat off him, asks him if he was taught manners in ESL. Oh, Logan, that makes me think of ESL Travis, and that's just low. What did I ever do to you? Well, I have called you an asshole multiple times, but few would argue that that was undeserved. And I did speculate as to some latent homosexuality going on with you too, on which the jury's still out. Don't count on any sequestering, though. Weevil: "If I was gonna cheat, don't you think I'd pick somebody smart?" Logan: "If you 'was gonna'?" The back-and-forth is mesmerizing. It's almost...rhythmic. Mr. X, however, believes that back-and-forth is defined as being between a man and a woman, so he breaks up the little party, informing Logan and Weevil that they both get zeroes. Most of the forum posters give them tens, but again, different strokes. As Mr. X walks away, Logan "mutters" that Mr. X's wife is perhaps not fulfilling certain marital duties. Weevil looks amused. Mr. X does not, and Logan insults him again, at which Weevil can't suppress a chuckle. Mr. X suggests that Weevil won't find Logan so amusing ten years from now, "when [Weevil's] pumping his gas." Mr. X ripped that joke off from Bring It On, unlike some other teachers who are not long for this show. And I almost restrained myself from making a "that's not all he'll be pumping" joke, but, much like Homer Simpson, the guy dressed in white who used to talk into my ear is long dead, and the guy in red is dancing on his grave shaking some maracas. I am Evil Couch Baron. Mr. X tells Weevil and Logan to see him after class so that he can tell them where to go for detention...
...which is our stop, where Logan's playing solitaire, while Weevil muses that he got a zero even though Logan talked to him first, and he got detention even though he only laughed, while Logan was the one who said that Mrs. X had completely misinterpreted the "Just Say No" ad campaign. Weevil: "How do you people not make yourself [sic] sick?" Well, I think a lot of the girls do, if you catch my drift. Weevil goes on that the 09ers walk on water at school for no good reason. Logan: "If I donate to the United Latino Pain In The Ass Fund, will you shut the hell up?" Please keep talking, Weevil. J.Lo doesn't need any more money. Weevil: "You like playing with yourself, or you want to make things interesting?" Oh, my. Logan: "What did you have in mind?" Interested, interested, VERY interested...
...then we're playing cards. There's a stack of bills on the table, and Logan and Weevil have two cards each. I assume they're playing Hold 'Em, and they just haven't flopped yet. Weevil's got a pair of aces, so he's looking pretty fine in more than his usual one way. He tells Logan, "You're almost as bad an actor as your father." Logan: "You know that you don't need a diploma to steal hubcaps, right?" And we have the first nominees in the "Give 'Em A Spin-off" category. That should dovetail nicely with the launch of the "LOGO" channel. Incidentally, if you look behind Logan, there's a poster for Romeo & Juliet, with the "rose by any other name" quote, and a big red rose in the middle. Rose...Lilly...forbidden love...talk amongst yourselves. I even gave you a topic. Weevil tells Logan that he promised his grandmother he'd finish school, and he doesn't break his promises. Logan: "And I mean this: awwww." Hee. Mr. X. enters, and breaks up the game. Maybe they weren't playing Hold 'Em after all, because if they were and Weevil lost his pair of bullets, I would think Mr. X would be "X" as in "ex-parrot." Mr. X tells them detention isn't a party. Logan: "That would explain the absence of balloon animals." Hee, again. Mr. X is unamused, and gives them a full week of detention with no cards. Dude, how are they going to have a dick-measuring contest now? Unless they take that expression literally, which...oh, there you all are. Glad I finally caught up.
Veronica returns home to hear some kind of trouble, some kind of fight. Luka is berating her boyfriend for telling her mother about the baby and where she is. They fight about hormones and "Joanna," and as Luka storms back into the house, we see that her boyfriend is a bearded Adam Kaufman, whom you might remember as Parker from Buffy The Vampire Slayer or as Gayoda from Dawson's Creek. Considering that Scylla and Charybdis of posterity, I don't blame him for trying to rehabilitate his image. Sad to say it's not going to happen here. I will note, though, that he looks a lot better here than he did in either of those two roles. His hair's under control, and he's grown a full beard that actually quite flatters him. We also see that he's a smoker, which is an anvilicious message for this show that he's EVIL! And, given the show's penchant for things not being what they seem, I should have dismissed this character right here as irrelevant based on that. He notices Veronica, and then leaves in a huff. And a puff.
Night. Veronica wakes up with a start, as she hears a woman's voice scream above her, followed by a loud THUD. Veronica looks concerned, realizing that that scream was a little loud simply to be a thing that goes hump in the night.
Morning. Veronica asks Keith about the noise, but he claims he can sleep through anything. Veronica makes a note of that, just in case her boyfriend isn't a drug-dealing sociopath. She says it sounded like a falling body. Keith: "Would you describe the sound as Hitchcockian?" Hee. He's asking for a broken leg, though. Veronica tells him she has to give Luka that ride...
...and she's on her way upstairs. She knocks a couple times, but there's no answer. Looking through some glass, she sees that several items -- lamps, plants, and the like -- have been knocked over and broken, and Killer is barking away on the bed. Mystified, Veronica puzzles us into the commercial break.
In Miss Dent's class, Veronica leaves a message for Luka. She goes back to looking at the yearbook as VMVO tells us that the people who say high-school years are the best of your life are usually on the yearbook staff. Well, I don't know if that's true, but to think that, they'd have to be completely out of touch with what's fun and cool -- oh. I see her point. Veronica discovers that Jake Kane and her mom were Prom King and Queen. She finally discovered something in the yearbook more disturbing than the hairstyles.
Weevil's finishing up taking a piss as Felix hangs out with him. You know, I keep typing his name "Feliz," and I think that's what I'm going to call him from now on. After all, he's always really happy to see Weevil, if you take my meaning. Anyway, Weevil washes his hands (good boy) as Feliz talks about Logan, saying he'd freak if he knew that Weevil and Lilly had a little sumpin sumpin going on. Weevil freaks, saying it wasn't like that, and turns to go. Feliz: "What? What I say?" You don't know either? One of us is going to have to start paying attention, Feliz.
Veronica catches Duncan in the hall and asks him if he knew about the "your dad, my mom" thing. He says he didn't, and flees the scene faster than you can say "kissing you sister." Duncan, you can't hide your lyin' eyes. And your smile would be a thin disguise, if you ever actually smiled. Good thing Logan's got enough to go around. VMVO tells us that Duncan's certainly evasive, and in a very cool effect, Veronica flashes into her long-haired self from a year ago, in the exact same position in the hallway. Here it is: Duncan broke up with Veronica before Lilly's murder. And the forum posters crash Paypal's servers trying to settle their bets. Veronica asks Lilly why Duncan is suddenly treating her like something he scraped off his shoe. Lilly doesn't know, and thinks it's probably just a mood, but says she'll talk to him: "You know, I don't know what you people would do without me." And here I thought the show's anvil netting was foolproof. Some lessons are more painful to learn than others.
In the parking lot, Logan and Weevil have been ordered to wash Mr. X's car. Logan sasses Mr. X some more, and Weevil chuckles. I think Weevil's a little taken with our fey little sociopath. Someone should contact the estates of Tony Randall and Jack Klugman about music rights. When Mr. X is gone, Logan spits on the car and starts polishing. Hee.
Veronica walks into a clothing shop and tells some guy she's looking for Luka. The dude informs her that Luka didn't show up for work, and suggests that she ask Andre where Luka is. He snittily tells Veronica that Luka talks about Andre all the time -- how brilliant he is. How down-to-earth. How...WB. From the way this dude's delivering his lines, not to mention the retail setting, I was sure he was meant to be the gay friend. Dupe on the part of the writers, or evidence that this actor has trouble controlling his pilot light? You decide. Veronica notes that I'm Not Gay, I Just Like Folding Clothes doesn't like Andre, which he confirms, saying that Andre and Luka fight all the time, and he has a bad temper. Also, INGIJLFC is concerned, since Luka hasn't missed a day of work since she started there. Veronica asks where she can find Andre...
...and she's walking into a small art studio. She finds Andre, who looks really put out to see her, and in retrospect, this whole scene is a pretty ham-handed attempt to make Andre look worse than he really is. Anyway, Andre isn't concerned about Luka's disappearance, saying it's par for the course for her. Veronica calls him on the fight they had on the balcony. Veronica can't believe that Luka's mom didn't know Luka was pregnant, but Andre tells her that she and her mom hadn't spoken since she left Ohio. Veronica asks about the thump she heard in the night. Andre: "That must have been when I cracked her head open with a candlestick and she crumpled to the ground. No, wait -- that was Professor Plum in the study." Hmm, that wasn't my guess. I thought it was you, right here in the studio, with a razor-sharp set of canines. Oh, no. That's the scenery version of Clue. I'd add, too, since I'll probably forget later, that we never find out what caused that thump, which is a pretty damned glaring oversight, if you ask me. The repartee is interrupted by the appearance of some butterface in a robe. She strips, and tells Andre, "Let me know when you're ready for me, Picasso." That's a more apt moniker than you know, honey. Because he could paint your face right into Guernica and no one would be the wiser. Andre dismisses Veronica.
Veronica's doing homework as she hears Killer barking. VMVO tells us that dogs are "nature's psychic detectives." I thought they were psychedelic detectives, but then, I grew up with Scooby-Doo. Upstairs, Veronica sneaks in the window to Luka's place. She picks up Killer and looks around. This scene is meant to generate suspense, but with Andre's artwork littering the scene, it doesn't come off. Nothing lowers the heart rate quite like bad, pretentious art. It's better than serotonin. Anyway, unsurprisingly, Andre has returned home and is heading toward the apartment. Veronica picks up Luka's phone (a little contrived that Luka didn't bring it with her, perhaps) and sees that, along with Veronica's name, there's a "Dr. Delmont" in the call logs. Veronica checks that number, then notices a handgun in one of the open top drawers. She uses a pencil to pick it up. Andre is at the door, and puts his key in the lock. Veronica looks around for inspiration. I doubt a Dell Dimension commercial is what she had in mind.
Before I get to the climactic resolution of this scene, I must inform you that it is now Friday, and I am recapping in front of an audience, consisting of the fabulous and talented Miss Alli, with whom I have just shared a lovely Mexican meal. I've never recapped in front of one of my fellow staff before, so I'm a little nervous. The good news is, she's had margaritas. The bad news is, so have I.
Okay. Andre enters and calls for Killer. Veronica's holding him while hiding in the shower, but he barks upon hearing Andre's call. Miss Alli would like you to know that she thinks the two sculptures on the table in front of Andre look collectively like an ass. And she interrupted her reviewing of a book consisting of articles about surfing to tell you that. I hope your gratitude is commensurate with the effort expended. Realizing she's out of options, Veronica barrels into the living room and pretends that she didn't hear Andre come in. He's understandably annoyed at finding her in his apartment, and doesn't completely buy her cover story about Killer barking so loud she couldn't study, but kicks her out with no more hostility than is appropriate to the situation. Veronica heads back downstairs.
School. Evelyn, Class of (18)79 is going over photographs for the display with Veronica. Veronica asks about Lianne (maiden name Reynolds, by the way), spilling that she's her mother. Evelyn coos that Veronica looks just like her. Lady, don't keep us in suspense. Are we talking cataracts or glaucoma? Because they look nothing alike, aside from the blonde hair. Veronica picks up a picture of Lianne and Jake, and Evelyn coos that they were quite the lovely couple, and that everyone thought they'd get married: "They were something, like a couple in a movie." Well, that movie jumped from the romance genre pretty quickly. VMVO tells us that high school is meaningless, and that she was part of a perfect couple once, but that perfection is fleeting. We flash back to Veronica talking to Lilly, the day after the breakup. Veronica points out that Lilly said Duncan and Veronica were the perfect couple only the day before. Lilly says she doesn't want to be in the middle, and evasively says that maybe Veronica should just "move on." Well, we're all a little disappointed with the efficacy of those two words, aren't we? Veronica wants to know what Duncan told Lilly. Lilly, trying to be upbeat but unable to hide a slight tinge of sadness, tells Veronica to trust her, and that she deserves better. Veronica doesn't see it that way, and rushes off crying. Present-day Veronica, in normal color, sees Past Veronica run into the bathroom. Cool idea, even if it ends up looking pretty damn fake. The background shifts to the present.
In a RED classroom, Mr. X tells Weevil and Logan to alphabetize all the books. I always associate extreme red lighting with houses of depraved sexual practices. Considering the undertones in the scene to come, I don't think I'm going to be shedding that association anytime soon. Once Mr. X is gone, Weevil and Logan start treating the books in a manner that would make the creators of RIF cry. They also talk about how nice it would be to pay Mr. X back for the detention. Logan says something about poetic justice. Weevil: "I think I've got your poetic justice." Miss Alli wonders why he didn't add "right here." I maintain that the "right here" is understood to be in his pants. Weevil says he has a plan: "If I thought you had the cojones to pull it off, I'd tell you, but..." Logan, with a wink: "Never underestimate the size of my cojones." Yeah. "Under"tones. Good one.
Just to update you, Miss Alli has had enough of surfers for the evening. At least until we get into the wine.
Mr. X goes out to the parking lot to find his car missing. Dude, call David Duchovny. On second thought, let me.
At the apartment complex, Veronica notices a man and a woman talking to Andre. Inferring that they're Luka's parents, she waits for them at the bottom of the stairs. When Andre takes his leave, they come down, and she gets their attention and gives them Keith's card, saying he's good at finding missing people. Of course, he hasn't found Lianne yet, but they don't know that, being from out of town and all. Let the buyer beware. Of her husband.
School. Mr. X arrives, having gotten a lift from another teacher, to find a crowd gathered around the flagpole. And here I thought Wallace wasn't going to be in this episode. Mr. X breaks up the crowd to find his car. Unfortunately for him, he's not going to be driving it any time soon, as it is now surrounding the flagpole. I'm not sure how that could have been done without completely disassembling and reassembling most of the car. But it's a very cool shot, so I'm willing to call this one of the few times that Rob Thomas isn't in the details. Mr. X orders everyone back to class. Hee. That's going to be a fun conversation with the insurance company. Does his policy cover "acts of punk-assed, ambiguously gay teenagers"?
In the hallway, Clemens calls Weevil into his office for the car incident, saying he's got a witness that Weevil did it. On the way, Weevil nods and smiles to Logan, who barely acknowledges him back. He only likes you that way behind closed doors, Weevil. In the office, Clemens plays good cop, which really isn't going to fly. Because that makes Mr. X the bad cop, and while the bad cop may come in many shapes and sizes, he never wears a sweater vest. Anyway, Weevil's no rat, so Clemens expels him. Weevil's kind of short, by the way.
Outside, Logan learns from Duncan that Weevil got expelled. Ugly Owen Wilson is there for some reason. Jeez, Percy Daggs. When Ugly Owen Wilson is rating speaking rates and you're not, it might be time for some emergency acting classes. (It might be time anyway, but I thought I'd make it sound good.)
In Keith's office, Luka's mother is telling him that Luka used to be light-hearted and "an angel," but that in her senior year of high school, she changed. As Veronica enters with some water for her, she speculates that Luka resented her mother's getting remarried. "She had a knack for attracting troubled young men." The stepfather, "Randall," tries to defend Luka, but the mother isn't having it. She adds that one day the year before, Luka just took off without finishing high school or even as much as saying goodbye. Randall says that she's only been gone a couple days, and that they're there to find her. Keith: "I'll do my best." So will I, to figure out why it took me as long as it did to figure out Randall's deal. Because, believe it or not, I have watched TV before.
Sometime later, Veronica tells Keith that she thinks Andre knows something, and that they should lean on him. Keith tells Veronica in no uncertain terms that he's handling the case, and that she's to stay out of it: "I've handled a hundred of these cases in my life, and they often end badly." Or begin badly, depending on the narrative structure chosen. Keith tells Veronica to prepare herself. Veronica: "Good advice. Where the hell was it a year ago, Nostradamus?"
Girls' bathroom. VMVO tells us that she convinced Keith to let her stay on the case by promising to stay away from Andre. Veronica calls Luka's doctor pretending to be Luka, and gets her test results over the phone, which...no. Don't buy it, no way, no how. But anyway, Luka went in for a paternity test, and the baby doesn't belong to Andre. It's a relief that the kid isn't genetically consigned to be a bad pretentious artist. He may have some other genetics-related problems, if you catch my drift. But frankly, that's the cross I'd choose to bear.
Logan goes in to see the vice-principal, whose name is apparently spelled "Clemmons." Also, unless the kids are shortening up his last name, his first name is "Van." But I can't really believe that that's the case, because if it is, I'd be incredibly disappointed that I couldn't count on Logan to greet him incessantly with a shout of "Van the Man!" Of course, it's possible that Logan is simply more mature than I am. Which means I should clearly sit down and re-examine my life. Anyway, Logan closes the door and tells Clemmons that he's "pissed off" that Weevil is getting all the credit for the car stunt. Clemmons warns him to watch his tongue. Logan goes on that "all of a sudden he's like the biggest bad-ass" -- look from Clemmons -- "rad dude here at Neptune." Hee. Logan goes on that he wants his share of the props. Clemmons tells him that if he's confessing to having helped Weevil, he can't just get away with it. Logan says he knows, and puts his feet up on the desk, which are adorned with the boots that are presumably the ones of Haaron's that Clemmons wants for the auction. I'm not sure what the big deal is -- the boots are an ordinary black pair with a few large red stars set into the leather. They don't look like anything so valuable you'd polish them with your tongue. Not, however, that you'd think that from Clemmons's expression. Keep that trap shut, dude. Logan: "So what kind of punishment are we talking about?" We don't hear the response, probably because Clemmons didn't even hear the question over the "Ch-CHING sounds in his head.
Veronica's back in Retail Land, asking INGIJLFC if he knows who the baby's father is. INGIJLFC speculates that maybe it's the guy that raped Luka. Veronica's shocked, not least that Luka told INGIJLFC about it, and asks if he knows who it was. He doesn't, but he does know that the rape is one of the reasons she left her hometown. Veronica starts to leave, but manages, amidst all the uncertainties swirling in her mind, to latch on to one incontrovertible fact. That being that this guy is a total fucking loser. She accuses him of stealing Luka's diary. He unconvincingly tells her that she's paranoid, which she freely admits: "But it doesn't mean I'm not right." Just because you're paranoid doesn't meant they're not out to get you. In fact, Miss Alli's been in the other room for quite some time. I'd better go check on her. (Oh, I'm kidding -- I live in New York! "Other room," indeed.) Veronica says she wants the diary, as it'll help her find Luka, but INGIJLFC denies having it. Veronica steps away and makes a call. "Hear you have some free time on your hands. You want to do me a little favor?" I'm not on the right team, but if I were, I'd probably be asking where the line started right about now.
Veronica sits reading on the hood of her car as she waits. It's nice to know she uses her time efficiently. INGIJLFC looks out the glass door suspiciously at her, and she waves. Hee. The bikers show up in good time, and Weevil and Veronica share a little fist-bump. Is that the biker version of going steady? The bikers invade the clothing store, and Weevil grandly says he heard there was a sale, as the Diesels start trying on clothes and making a mockery of fashion. I'd really like to see them go on to Milan. Anyway, after INGIJLFC has had a good chance to void his bowels, Veronica's voice rings out, "Guys! Remember! No white after Labor Day!" Good line, but the Diesels' mock-disappointed chorus of "Aw!" is what really sells the moment. Hee. Veronica sidles up to Weevil and asks INGIJLFC ("Nathan," apparently, for those of you not into unwieldy acronyms) if he might possibly have found that journal. You can see Nathan's palpable realization that girls are too much trouble. Knew I'd see you in my neck of the woods sometime, kid. And just color me tickled pink about it.
Keith's staking out what seems to be Butterface's place. He sees Andre and Butterface come out, and Andre loads some suitcases into his car. Doesn't really look great for him, but I figured out the resolution of the A-plot at the mention of the rape. As I said, I may be slow, but I've watched TV before. At the train station, Keith stops Andre and Butterface, noting that it's a suspicious time for Andre to be skipping town. Andre corrects Keith that he's just dropping Butterface off. I guess he's done painting her in the nude, then. I'll tell Miss Alli that it's safe for her to open her eyes. Keith lets them go, but says he's going to wait for Andre. Well, it's your time to waste, I guess.
In front of a graffiti-streaked wall, Clemmons tells Logan and Weevil that they're getting off easy, so obviously Logan made Weevil's reinstatement in Neptune High a condition of forking over the boots. I'd say the audience was the winner in that trade. Clemmons leaves, and the boys get set to repaint the wall, but Logan notices that Weevil's got Lilly's name tattooed inside a heart on his back. I should mention that Logan and Weevil refer to the tattoo as being on Weevil's arm, which probably just indicates a last-minute script change. Because if they have that much trouble keeping body parts straight, it would really be interesting to see what would happen if one of them said, "Pull my finger." Logan gets all in Weevil's face about the tattoo, but after some swaggering and posturing, Weevil says that Lilly is his little sister's name. Logan lets it go way too easily. The forum posters do not make the same mistake. But really, "Lilly" -- and the double "L" clinches it -- is far too uncommon a name for Logan to buy that. Also, given Weevil's grandmother's ten years of employment with the Echolls family, wouldn't Logan have some idea of whether that's true? I mean, he'd just have to have taken the slightest bit of interest once in ten years...okay it sounded good for a second. Anyway.
Diary. VMVO, I'm sorry to say, bores me here, and given that it's the fifty-three-minute mark, that says something about the A-plot. Veronica finds a drawing of a seaside labelled "Paradise"...
...and we're at said seaside. VMVO tells us that after the rape, Luka ran away and started sleeping in her car. Well, that'll sour your outlook on life. Veronica finds Luka's car, and then VMVO tells us that Luka's one bright spot was Andre. Wow, things were worse for her than I thought. Veronica finds Luka, who asks whether her parents are there. Upon hearing an affirmative, Luka seems distant and weird. You know, although a lot of the forum dwellers took issue with this, I wasn't particularly bothered that Veronica didn't have much of a reaction to the news that Luka had been raped. Veronica, as we've seen, keeps her emotions in check very well. Also, although when the rape is dealt with as a story arc on the show, I'm sure it will stir deep emotions in her, right now, I think the fact that she wasn't conscious for the experience is enough to make it fairly abstract for her at this point. In other words, it's not as much of an issue for her, right now, as her mom's disappearance, Lilly's death, or even Duncan's breaking up with her. But I would have found it nice if she'd offered Luka some small bit of comfort here. Veronica's a caring person, and she considers Luka a friend. Say something. It doesn't have to be empathy -- sympathy will do just fine. Anyway.
Keith returns home. Veronica tells him she found Luka, but he'd already heard from people in the complex. They have a pleasant chat until Keith suggests that he watch TV while she rubs his feet. Rather than foster any more division on the boards, I will opt for a less controversial path and simply take Veronica's response of "Hmm, that's normal!" as a shout-out.
Andre looks for his keys as Luka holds Killer and tells him she doesn't want to deal with her parents. If you've not caught up by now, you should have. Andre tells her she'll have to deal with them sometime. Luka: "You're right." Way to go, Andre. He steps out to take Killer for a walk.
Downstairs of Fake Denouements. Veronica tells Keith she still doesn't trust Andre, but Keith says that Andre knows about the DNA test, and he said it doesn't matter: "A man's gotta be pretty committed to a woman to agree to raise another man's child." And the department of "Sentences To Be Dissected For Hidden Meaning" is no longer accepting applications. This sends Veronica into a reverie, which Keith snaps her out of with an "Earth to Mars!" Heh. He asks if Veronica knows who the father is.
Luka goes in to see her parents. "Mom, there's something you should know." Oh, dear.
Keith urgently wants to know why Veronica didn't tell him Luka was raped. Apparently he's watched TV before, too. Veronica says she just found out. Judging from the yelling coming from upstairs, she's not the only one. Luka's mom is calling her a liar, and Luka's saying that her stepdad raped her. Keith tells Veronica to stay put, and he points two fingers at her to tell her he ain't kidding. Veronica looks upstairs with her face full of worry...
...as it well should be, as Luka's pulled the gun on her stepdad. But Keith's voice rings in from outside, distracting Luka, and the stepdad knocks the gun away. He grabs it and is about to pound Luka with it, but Keith shoots him from offscreen in the right shoulder, which, I'm sad to say, is the wrong shoulder, given how he was bound up in the opening scene. Or so it seemed to me, anyway. Luka's mom holds her and tells her she's sorry. Hey, no need to apologize, lady. You're not the continuity editor. Veronica rushes upstairs to see Keith still posed in shooting position. time he'd better stick out three fingers. As long as Weevil and Logan aren't anywhere nearby.
And we're back to where we were at the beginning, as the stepdad gets loaded into the ambulance. Keith tells Veronica that Luka will be okay, and Veronica speculates that she's grounded, but Keith tells her he'll let her slide on this one. VMVO: "But can I let myself slide? Sure, the real tragedy happened long before I came along. I just brought it to the surface. But are some things better left buried?" I'll let the full-season order field that one.
Oh, and by the way, it's now Sunday, which means it's Miss Alli's birthday. Happy birthday, Miss Alli! Let me buy you a margarita! ["Hey, it doesn't take my birthday for me to have a margarita. Unless you consider every day my birthday." -- Miss Alli]
week: some crappy awards show that no one cares about. See you in two!