Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: C+ | 261 USERS: D+ YOU GRADE IT 102 Things I Hate About You
By Cindy McLennan | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.06.2014
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.102 Things I Hate About You
1. Katherine imitating Elena.
2. Katherine enjoying Elena's life more than Elena.
3. Bonnie not sensing that "Elena" isn't Elena.
4. Hell, Tara on Buffy knew something was up when Faith was in Buffy's body, even though Tara hadn't met Buffy yet.
5. Damon's immediate reversion to psycho killer.
6. New characters. I mean Sloan? Who cares?
7. The thought of how Aaron's corpse must be stinking up that car.
8. That Stefan has every reason to act this self-righteous, even though he rips people up and puts them back together.
9. Caroline. Caroline. Caroline.
10. The new, bitchy witch girl.
11. That Enzo -- who could be so interesting -- is just a plot point.
12. The music in this episode.
13. The Bitter Ball Event O' the Week.
14. That Target/Peter Pilotto ad. It's going to give me a seizure.
15. I don't want to hear that item 14 isn't about The Vampire Diaries. That ad is partially responsible for this episode's existence. I'll hate what I want.
16. That this show isn't a little more like Buffy.
17. Or hell, even Angel.
18. Or My So Called Life.
19. Or Joan of Arcadia.
20. Or Veronica Mars.
21. Or Freaks and Geeks.
22. And possibly the PBS NewsHour.
23. This idea of Wes being able to turn vampires into vampire-eating-vampires.
24. That Stefan doesn't stake Enzo.
25. I mean, he knocks Enzo to the ground and is holding a shovel with a wooden handle. Stake him already
.
26. Or cut off his head.
27. Did I mention I hate this show isn't more like Buffy?
28. I committed to this 102 list idea item.
29. Caroline refers to her choices as "the whole Tyler/Klaus thing."
30. That this college's location is so nebulous.
31. I don't hate Tyler eying Nadia, which surprises me, and I hate surprises.
32. That Nadia gives a damn about Katherine Frickin' Pierce.
33. All the easy, public underage drinking on this show.
34. Mystic Falls.
35. I like really hate it. I would have visited Sunnydale. Crazy, I know, but I would have. I'd only visit Mystic Falls with a tank full of gasoline and a truck full of matches.
36. There are no adults who matter on this show.
37. Jeremy is screwing up his hair again. Kid, clean-cut works for you.
38. Damon's kidnapping Jeremy now? I hate that I've spent 5 years on this show.
39. Damon dumped Elena first, so I hate that Damon is THIS bitter about Katherine-As-Elena affirming that dumpage.
40. Damon lets Enzo hurt Jeremy.
41. I don't have set decorators at my disposal. That Bitter Ball venue is better looking than my house, never mind a college dance.
42. Katherine thinks she'd be satisfied being with Stefan, if he thought he was with Elena. That's not Katherine.
43. Caroline shreds the OMG Caroline + Ponies sketch.
44. And I hate that I hate that, because I hate that Caroline slept with Klaus.
45. Caroline giving life lessons. I can't even.
46. That Caroline doesn't notice anything off about "Elena."
47. That Bonnie can't give Damon a mystical migraine.
48. The endless exposition on this show.
49. This sneezing fit I'm having.
50. That anyone cares about Wes being killed (regardless of Damon's methods).
51. Vampires.
52. Seriously, they suck.
53. That Bonnie is no longer a witch.
54. That I don't look more like the girls on this show.
55. And that I never did.
56. Latin spells. I mean, why is it more magical than English?
57. That I can't remember this new witch's name.
58. Ads with things like "#TVD" in them. Saying "hashtag" is awkward.
59. Watching the Germ get tortured.
60. That plastic bag thing.
61. That this show isn't Sherlock.
62. That this show isn't Once Upon A Time.
63. To be fair, I'm glad this show isn't The Tomorrow People. Hate being fair.
64. Reluctant witches. Seriously, if you could do this stuff...
65. Katherine's revulsion at doing mouth to mouth. She's a bloodsucker!
66. That Stefan lets Enzo walk out of the torture room.
67. That I'm with Stefan when he tells Damon not to bother coming back.
68. That I don't mind when Damon says he wasn't planning on it.
69. That Tyler didn't bite Nadia.
70. That Nadia puts her hands on Matt's neck.
71. That Nadia threatens him.
72. "Papers, Scissors, Stone." It's America, damn it. Speak American.
73. That Damon is ready to give up on Elena.
74. And Stefan.
75. Chanting.
76. Are these Travelers? I hate Travelers (on this show, not in the real world).
77. I hate that I'm glad someone's bestowing the mystical migraine.
78. Damon is going to be a vampire eating vampire.
79. That this season, which started with so much promise, is sucking so hard.
80. Writing when I have a cold. My head has fog in it.
81. I failed to wine up for this show.
82. More of the music on this show.
83. Katherine is a little too good at playing Elena, with Stefan.
84. That Stefan falls for it, oh so easily.
85. Caroline's reaction to Stefan and "Elena's" embrace.
86. Flashing red lights.
87. Flashing white lights.
88. Flashing of any kind, really. You, in the corner -- button up your trench coat.
89. Tony. Enough with new characters.
90. Karma happening to Damon.
91. The gratuitous decapitation. On the plus side, no more Tony.
92. That I'm too tired to think of 30 more things.
93. Math.
I'll be back with the recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page, and then come on over to the forum, where we've lost count.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!KATHERINE: I'm not doing it.
NADIA: We have to.
KATHERINE: Why do we -- well, let's boil this down to the important point. Why do I have to stand here and bag on my own story for a recapper who so clearly hates me and said story?
NADIA: Because you're impersonating Elena Gilbert, and Elena would do this -- has done this -- without question.
RECAPPER: Besides, Kiki. While I hate this current storyline, I don't hate you. Generally speaking, I love (to hate) you.
KATHERINE: Fine. Elena had damned well better thank me for this.
RECAPPER: Perhaps she would, if you would, oh, you know, give her back her life.
KATHERINE: Good one.
RECAPPER: Thank you, Kiki, but seriously, will you please do me a favor? While we're covering this chapter, I want you to think about something.
KATHERINE: You're already boring me. Get to the point.
RECAPPER: You're impersonating Elena, so that you can win Stefan's love. If and/or once Stefan figures out you're not Elena -- that you're Katherine impersonating Elena -- is he going to love you?
KATHERINE: He's never going to figure it out. Matty Pants is my phone-a-friend lifeline.
RECAPPER: Okay, let's pretend you're right, about that, which you're not. Let's assume no one, including Stefan, figures out what's going on, here. Are you going to be content with Stefan loving you because he thinks you're Elena? If so, how?
KATHERINE: I did not come here to get my head shrunken. Let's go on with the show, before I change my mind. Previously, on The Vampire Diaries, I was dying, so Nadia, Mia the Traveler, and I arranged for me to set up housekeeping in Elena's young bod. And it was awesome. As proof, I submit one of my first awesome acts: I told Damon to hit the road.
RECAPPER: Well, he and Enzo took you more literally than even you might have expected.
AARON'S CORPSE: You're telling me.
KATHERINE and NADIA: Who's Enzo?
RECAPPER: Now, on The Vampire Diaries Katherine Pierce is enjoying Elena's life more than Elena ever has, and yes, that includes the summer of sex her life, that Elena shared with Damon.
KATHERINE: Dear Diary, I love my life. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have everything I ever wanted. I'm young, healthy, gorgeous. Everyone loves me. But best of all, I'm a vampire, again. R.I.P. Elena. Thanks for your perfect life. In return, I've corrected the worse decision you ever made: falling in love with Damon. See, I'm even erasing the pictures off your PRODUCT PLACEMENT cell phone.